Strong and Gentle chat & forums.

online dating service

REGISTER | MAIL/PROFILE | HELP | NOW ONLINE | SEARCH | RATING | FORUMS | SUCCESS STORIES

Posted In Forum:

Home

login

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Strong and Gentle

Joined: 3/10/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Strong and Gentle Posted: 6/11/2009 10:20:38 AM
To add to what 2hi said, women produce testosterone as well, and yet the OP suggests that only men on these forums exude testosterone ("I have seen so much testosterone exuded on these forum threads, I wonder if some of these men miss the relationship boat"). That's sexist. I've seen plenty of testosterone exuded on these forums by women. And I've seen men hold their fire in response (I did that just last night, in fact - choosing to not retaliate when it would have been easy). So who's missing the boat?

Joined: 3/10/2009

Msg: 72 (view)

Conversations with someone who is dying Posted: 6/10/2009 9:49:28 PM
Suggest you read Elisabeth Kubler-Ross' 'On Death and Dying' - and perhaps leave a copy for your friend. - Ozzy

Joined: 3/10/2009

Msg: 87 (view)

Dating different age groups Posted: 6/10/2009 5:49:22 PM
OP - I say go for it if it makes you happy. But do try seriously to anticipate what the difficulties might be - and not just by polling the resident experts here. ;-) To my mind, it's much the same as interracial dating, though thankfully this seems to have become less of a problem over time, in many places. Suggestions that older men (or women) have 'no business' dating younger women (or men) are in the same judgemental vein - IMO - as suggestions yesteryear that white/black women have 'no business' dating black/white men. I believe that outsiders have 'no business' judging two people who love each other because they don't fit the preferred stereotype in someone else's brain. But you will run into it in RL just as you have here. My business is MY business, thank you very much. And make no mistake, there are real interpersonal issues you will run into, many of which have been posted here, and these deserve to be taken seriously. No offense intended, but at your age, regardless of your level of maturity, you simply lack the life experience that someone older will probably have had. These aggregate life experiences change us in dramatic ways that simply cannot be emotionally understood by those who've not experienced them. I don't know your history, but if you haven't had similar internal experiences, then this can create a gulf between the ages which is difficult to bridge. For example, how can someone who has suffered a traumatic loss communicate the depth and magnitude of anguish of such a process to someone who has not? And yet, successfully navigated, this deepens and stretches a person in ways not possible to communicate at the necessary level. All sorts of experiences may separate the two partners in a May/December romance in ways that are unclear to each, and which neither really understands how to handle, or share. That's often why these romances come to resemble a parent/child relationship - the experience differential leads to it. That is one reason I don't seek to date women that vastly junior to me. IMO, it just adds more barriers to something that's already ultra tough to achieve - a genuinely intimate relationship. Then again, all of this could equally apply to two partners of the same age who've lived vastly different lives. I suggest you pick up a book called (seems I've been recommending this a LOT lately for some reason) 'Season's of a Man's Life', which is the culmination of years of research into adult male development. It will be important for you to understand the stages a guy 10 or 15 or whatever years older than you is going to be going through, because these stages WILL affect your relationship with him. It's not widely known that adults go through developmental stages just like children, but it is proven fact. I think that book will give you insight you will need in order to understand the man or men you date and what's going on within them (even when they don't understand it themselves), AND to communicate effectively with them - in fact, I'd argue that this holds true regardless of the age of the men you are dating. - Oz

Joined: 3/10/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Why women want guys to come to THEM Posted: 6/10/2009 5:03:03 PM
I just wanted to say, this is one of the most amusing statements I've seen in ages: "The bottom line is, females don't have anything to offer a man but SEX because he doesn't need anything else BEING STRONG AND SELF-SUFFICIENT" No offense, OP dude, but it sounds like the one you're trying to convince is not out here in the audience. Suggest you may want to look into human adult development to get a more nuanced view of men. Something like 'Seasons of a Man's Life' would be a good start. And 'Adaptation to Life' is another, but more dense, more Freudian.

Joined: 3/10/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

I don't get dating, I just don't... so I avoid it. Posted: 6/9/2009 8:53:45 PM
To the OP: There is a common thread in your post which I think deserves your serious attention - and has nothing to do with the flaky woman you met (though I'm sorry you had to experience that - definitely no fun). I'll quote: "I've chosen to remove myself from the emotional upheaval I find myself in when I allow women into my life." "I don't really want the emotional upheaval of dating." "Women, it's almost always the same story with me, that's why I don't date. I hate feeling like this. " I gotta tell ya Lucky, this came across to me as the real message you are communicating - between the lines as it were. Have you thought about why you feel this way? Where this comes from and what's at the bottom of it? Are you REALLY comfortable with never dating again simply to escape this feeling? Might it not make more sense to examine this internal experience in detail (and perhaps with professional guidance) to see if there's a way to resolve that? It may be that habituation will reduce the feeling to a tolerable level. Or it may be that there is something going on inside you that you need to get out for the sale of your emotional health. If you can get past it, then the world kinda opens up for ya, ya know? You may be inviting emotional constriction by choosing not to deal with this feeling and that's not a fun place to be as you grow older. I'd hate to see ya give up before you tried to seriously tackle this issue. We're talking a pretty severe impact on your life, bro. Just my opinion, take it for what it's worth... - Oz

Joined: 3/10/2009

Msg: 202 (view)

What are women really looking for? Posted: 6/9/2009 8:37:48 PM
This may have been touched on before but... OP: if you write your e-mails in the same fashion as you wrote this post, the outcome you describe doesn't surprise me. You don't have to be a perfect speller or grammarian, but geez, dude, my eyes almost fell outta my head trying to read and make sense of your post here. Use paragraphs - and leave a space or two between the period and the first letter of the nest sentence! Seriously, if you clean up your typing skills, you may just find women start typing back. Worth a try. ;-) - Oz

Show ALL Forums