Early morning or late night dating? chat & forums.

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urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Early morning or late night dating? Posted: 8/25/2009 9:49:21 PM
Either or is good for me when its a man I have to see! Now granted I am not much of a morning person - and I feel limited when dealing with morning dates because you must get going or be late to work/school etc. Night dates are better for me because even if I have to be up in the morning I can lay down and sleep with a smile on my face from a wonderful evening with someone who I adore. If she is as into you are you are her - she wont care - she will just want to see you when you both can manage it. Good luck.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Difficulty in finding my type - would appreciate some opinions here Posted: 8/25/2009 9:45:03 PM
You are young - and I dont say that to be redundant or judgemental - just reminding you that although you feel more mature then most your age, and deservedly so based on your accomplishment level, you dont necessarily HAVE to be in a relationship. I know its what most human beings want, a solid committed relationship with a significant other who they can share the joys and turmoils of life with. But that isnt always what life is about all the time, and sometimes we do well with a break to ourselves to grow, experience, and reflect. When its your time the right woman will come along, maybe tomorrow or maybe she will appear under the christmas tree - she wont necessarily be of any specific age group she will be the one who feels like you knew her forever already. The one who you enjoy talking to, the one who makes you want to click your heels together when she agrees to go out with you again, the one whose scent you cant get off your mind, and the one who is also intelligent, accomplished and/or driven in her own regard, she will be .. your equal. Dont try to limit yourself to a "type" - try to find someone whose company you ENJOY - and thats a really good start. Good luck in your future endeavours, here and in life.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Hobbies of dates that you just couldn't get/tolerate?? Posted: 8/25/2009 8:57:14 PM
When a man pulls me to the side and leans in close to whisper in my ear that he loves the top I have on and wants one in his size ... I take a step back. Dont get me wrong, I believe in individualism, but I will have to fight the guy I date to get in the door at a bra sale ... he might not be for me. I like to curl up in bed and watch movies - action movies mostly - and some guys think its a slack way to live as they think one should watch a movie sitting upright on the sofa and then go to bed when its over. If I wanted to sit upright and watch a movie - take me to the theatre - but when Im at home curling up in a nice clean bed, with a wicked action flick is how I relax ... and sometimes I keep that to myself because believe it or not - I have been judged for it negatively! lol Oh I tend to stay away from anyone who is fanatical about anything to the extreme, such as satanists, bible thumpers, capitalists, drug addicts, gamblers, heavy drinkers (even if they are happy drunks drinking every night isnt impressive to me), I like things enjoyed or believed in MODERATION. Nuff said - great post.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 186 (view)

Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy? Posted: 8/25/2009 8:46:57 PM
hahaha I was away for a bit - Im back and yall havent disappointed me! Hilarious some of you - in a funnybone way - ridiculous some others - in an unrealistic expectation way - but I am really happy to see you enjoying the post. It has proved to be most enlightening for me!

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Why Do Men Respond To Threads Made In The 'Ask A Girl' Forum? Posted: 8/11/2009 5:19:08 PM
Even if they are gay - they still arent girls - and it is ask a girl! But I think people dont really look at where a thing is posted - sometimes they just search newest threads and tackle what they like. Here I am - now that I notice - responding in ask a guy section - hahahaha MY BAD! lol So much for counting on ya girls huh - sorry suga.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

tell tale signs in profiles Posted: 8/11/2009 5:16:42 PM
All of the following I have read and they were tell tale signs for me : 1. I expect to be treated right and wont change for no body. 2. I am usually right most of the time and it annoys people - I need a woman who is agreeable. 3. I have been lonely ever since my ex's parents put a restraining order on me. (ya think? ) 4. I want a woman who has never been married, has no children, a good job, pay her own way, understands the importance of savings, and can be patient with my children. (even though this guy is 42 he has his mail settings restricted to ladies between 19 and 25) 5. If you are a lady who has more then 10 people who have favoured you - dont send me email I am not number 11. 6. Prefer a woman with no family ties here as my family is big enough for the both of us. (Im still laughing about #3 )

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Balancing dating and personal life when you crack 30 Posted: 8/11/2009 5:07:32 PM
wow - you think its busy over 30 huh --- well a relative of mine retired last year when she turned 65 - and let me tell you how I cant reach that woman anymore - she is so booked up she has purchased a daytimer for the first time in her life! Life is what you make it - if there is someone worth the investment in your life - you will go with her when you can, share in her responsibilities so yall can get to bed together at a decent hour - and invite her to share in what it is that you do extra curricularly - its not rocket science - its really only about priorities. If you were offered a job making 70 G's more a year then you do right now - Im pretty sure you would wipe your slate clean ...... Nuff said.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

A questin to single moms from an expecting dad Posted: 8/11/2009 4:59:41 PM
Sometimes people arent who you think they are - other times they are exactly who you think they are and something in life changes them - sometimes the mother herself changes just by the fact that she has to begin thinking for someone she considers more important then herself and the rules change as a result - sometimes women want a family (ie a child) and dont want the headaches of a relationship to go with it - and figure they were raised well by a single parent so why cant she herself also raise a child well on her own? There are a million answers which are completely fine - to your question - I aree that chldren do much better in a two parent home when both parents are loving positive and stable - without question - but a woman cannot control the people she loves, she can only control herself and the environment she has her child in. Congrats on your future blessing - I trust all will go well with Mom and baby in the delivery!

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Does this happen alot? Posted: 8/11/2009 2:22:52 AM
You know what --- it happens more often then I ever even expected and I was shoocked and somewhat offended even - dont know why - but I really didnt think it was as bad as it is! I mean whats wrong with some of these guys anyway? Dude - if you come in drunk from the bar alone - and NONE of the drunk horny women at that bar wanted you - what makes you think I want to rip off my panties and run over to your place in the middle of the night????? Girl its sad - but its a fact here - this is a meat market apparently - just skip the ones who are about that and hope to get some mail from a few who arent - in the meantime hang out in the forums! lol Good luck!

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

boy vs a man ? Posted: 8/11/2009 1:32:31 AM
OP .. what defines those things you think you SHOULD enjoy doing and why do you think you should? There is no prescription to what any individual should like regardless of their age, sex, marital status, religion, race, height, weight etc etc - we are all different from each other and in addition to that - we are ever changing as individuals as well. I remember I was in a really great relationship - loved my guy to death and one morning woke up and all of a sudden couldnt stand some little habit he had - and it bothered me tremendously ---- howcome it was such a little thing and had been acceptable all this time and now all of a sudden its driving me nuts? Thought I was losing my mind - until I spoke to some people I respected and trusted and they assured me that I was just changing as a person - and I ended up speaking to my partner about it and he was great in finding a compromise (without attempting to have me committed to the local psych ward God Bless him! haha) Dont get down on yourself - it just means you need to live a little more each day to find what it is that you DO like - and stop trying to force yourself to like what popular opinion says you should. Good luck Suga! Oh and the difference between boys and men is the way they approach a situation, what they seek to take from it, and what they intend to contribute to it.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

She asked for a kiss..... Posted: 8/11/2009 1:23:02 AM
I think leaning in for the kiss on the mouth had an air of romance to it - too cute! Call her though - and get it over with - if she is interested still you will go out again, if she isnt you will know instead of wondering. Good luck!

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 161 (view)

Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy? Posted: 8/11/2009 1:17:49 AM
Despite the visits from the abrasive crew - this thread has been very enlightening and informative beyond my own expectations! Thanks to all who have participated in a positive light - I appreciate the time and thought put into your responses. I even enjoyed a good laugh or two - lol - indeed!

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

When To ask for a # Posted: 7/28/2009 8:55:06 PM
"I have done that and from there I dont get a call or even a message back saying somethin like lets talk more on here or something of that nature!! From there i guess I'm a little embarrased and dont send a message back after that and just leave it like it is!! " If she doesnt want to talk to you on the phone then she is a really slow mover, or she is hiding something or she just aint that into you. If you really liked your correspondence you could opt to give her the benefit of the doubt and continue communication for another week or so to decide which it is ... but me personally - I would move on, Its just a phone call ... not a life threatening thing .. if she cant make the phone call she really wont be meeting yo azz! Cowboy is correct as well .. I would never meet someone without speaking to them on the phone first .. I have had phone calls that were SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO boring .. I can imagine the time I would waste meeting the person. I have also had phone calls which were delightfully suprising - the guy didnt seem as cool in text as he was on the phone .. and that was a great thing indeed! Whichever - who knows why anyone would want to continue typing forever - unless she isnt that serious about finding someone to enjoy life with, or she just isnt into you and her notes are her way of being polite. Its not that serious - there are many who are just cool .. and you will do fine and have a great time. Good luck

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

I don,t understand help please Posted: 7/28/2009 8:44:51 PM
@ TWISTER ----- **STANDING OVATION********** Beautifully stated.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

I don,t understand help please Posted: 7/28/2009 8:23:10 PM
How is it that you learned that she is still going out with her ex boyfriend if she didnt tell you? If she was the one who told you - then yes - she isnt hiding anything and clearly has a different dating style then you do. All people have their own unique way of doing everything from brushing their teeth, to driving, to dating, to having sex, to sleeping positions. You name it - we are all different - and if you are surprised about her dating another while she is dating you - I wonder how shocked you would be to learn she is bangin more then just you as well! (if she is intimate with you - not sure - just showing you an example of how different people are - where one woman requires a marriage ceremony before she will have sex, many others just need you to look in their direction and grunt) I dont date more then one person regularly - at a time - but thats just me. Then again I dont really call it dating either - I go out and hang out with a man whose company I enjoy until such time as we decide that we wish to be exclusive. End of story .. for me anyway. Good luck

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

When To ask for a # Posted: 7/28/2009 8:06:10 PM
Offer her your number and see if she calls - great way to break the ice. I wouldnt meet a guy who I had not first at least spoken to on the phone (could be a chick pretending to be a guy or whatever). But if he offers me his number - I would take that to mean he is open and receptive to my calling, and he is interested in taking it further but not pressuring me or rushing me into anything when I still dont really know who he is. Offer her your number - and see what happens. Good luck

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 63 (view)

Sickness and in Health Posted: 7/26/2009 10:30:35 AM
ROCKMAN .. evidently it is YOU sir .. who needs to work on comprehension. Nowhere in my response to the callous attempts at joking about the terminally ill did I even hint that DATING life was important to me. On the contrary - if you READ any of my other threads and actually KNEW something about me - you would know that I am not actually fond of going out to dinner to watch some strange guy drool on the table cloth. I prefer to hang out with decent people and make friends and see if there is a spark. Furthermore - until you know my reality - please dont speculate as to which reality I live in. You sir - are the very problem with the world today .. you and people like you who have a crass abrasive way of dealing with those things you cannot understand. I dont even know where you can correlate my speaking about being seen in public with a person who was bald - to me scouting hospital registrars and medical charts. But I guess as a man you wouldnt, while men are FREQUENTLY accepted BALD by women and society as a WHOLE ... its just inconceivable to you that a woman be bald too and just as attractive. Again - superficial bull**it trumps human decency... why should I be suprised. Nuff said. Feckin gross. (thanks for the word .. its soooooooooooooo appropriate)

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Not sure what to do Posted: 7/25/2009 3:00:16 AM
I feel for your pain, truly I do. I understand - hes is a great guy .. except ... everyone has an except at one time or other in their lives and unfortunately your time is now. You have to weigh the pros and cons of this relationship and stack it against what promises you made to yourself and your family .. AND WHY YOU MADE SUCH PROMISES. We cannot control the actions of others, which is why we are NOT RESPONSIBLE for the actions of others. I understand wanting to help him, or hang in there because you have invested so much in the relationship already - maybe you could set a time limit on any further investment. Meaning, speak to him, tell him his excessive drinking on weekends is an issue for you, and see if he will consider stopping that behavior. If he says yes, great .. give him ____ months to prove it .. if it doesnt change .. leave. This would be a way of helping him, not ditching the relationship without any second thought, and being as fair to him, and yourself as possible. Last thing - what if yall had children together? Would you want them to witness dad's weekend activities? What quality of life would they have if he was dad? If you dont like the answer to those questions, and you happen to decide you wouldnt have children with him, that might mean you wouldnt marry him (if children are something you are interested in) and if you wont marry him, or have children with him in his current style of living .. then what are you there for? I am not implying all people have to be having children together or heading down the aisle to be worthy of a relationship - that was just an example to help you think clearly about what you will/have been investing, and what you may be getting back. Good luck, once again, sucks when someone you love falls to substance/alcohol abuse.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

is there even a chance? Posted: 7/25/2009 2:48:22 AM
First of all .. DO NOT MOVE IN ON HER SO HE DOESNT HAVE TO END IT! If she actually takes you up on that .. she will seem like a cheater in your mind, and it will cause issues with trust between the two of you later (if there is a later). Next .. dont be the shoulder she cries on when he ends it ... you may end up being someone she catches on the rebound and isnt thinking clearly, and isnt feeling really good about herself at the time (considering many young ladies take it as a blow to their self esteem if a guy dumps them). What you could do is strengthen your friendship with her for now, if she likes you too, I mean if there is real chemistry there - she will call you first when she is feeling better after the break up. Good luck - sticky situation but at least there is some hope in sight still, at least she isnt married yet, and the guy has no love for her so if you date her later on he wont hold it against you.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Sickness and in Health Posted: 7/25/2009 2:42:30 AM
cmdrfunk .. If it seemed I was insulting bald guys, forgive me wasnt my intention . I love bald men and actually married one ... I was only intending to insult you! Since you went there with the fat accusation (havent been called that in an arguement since grade school thanks for taking me back a couple of decades ) .. but since you went there .. I see my insult was successful. Enjoy your day Suga.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Sickness and in Health Posted: 7/25/2009 2:39:23 AM
Honey I am sorry to hear about your sister - will say a prayer for her, and wanted to tell you that of all the people I have been exposed to with cancer - seemed like the women with breast cancer (in my limited exposure that is) were the ones who went through the roughest treatment. I spoke to one woman who had lost her hair and was wearing a very pretty scarf and she seemed positive and upbeat, but had so much to go through still .. my heart ached for her, and my mind was so proud of her too .. she was admirable .. and I wished I could have done so much more for her. Please try to keep your sister thinking positive (they say attitude has alot to do with healing in this illness ... dont know but anything could help) and try to be there for her as much as you can so she knows she is loved (which I am sure she does anyway) I wish you, and your sister, blessings.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Sickness and in Health Posted: 7/24/2009 11:42:56 PM
Yes forgive me untamed one - I was caught so offguard by the other responses I forgot all about why I came! OP you will see "in sickness and in health" in MARRIAGE VOWS .. not attached to every time someone claims they love you prior to that unfortunately. While many people love in varying degrees and in varying natures of relationships . .it does not automatically include in sickness and in health - even in marriage when they have made such vows. Often people just dont have what it takes to stand by someone in their darkest hour, or the fight for their life - which is decidedly a bad time to learn that you have a punk by your side. At least if you learn in the emailing phase that a guy isnt interested in being there if you fall terminally ill .. you have the knowledge earlier on and can save the strokes of your keyboard for someone else. Yes people can ask anything they like in an email . .should they . .probably not .. but sometimes even when its crass, superficial, or shallow ... it is actually useful to you in other ways wink. Good luck

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Dating a single mom Posted: 7/24/2009 11:36:50 PM
If you were introduced to this child any other way - I dont think you would have an issue with how to behave. THe child is not your child .. she is the child of a woman you are interested in. Until such time as you and she are either living together or walking down the aisle together - you are not the childs parent, you are hopefully her friend and someone whose company she enjoys when she sees you. Nuff said. Good luck

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

My child told me something disturbing. What would you do? Posted: 7/24/2009 11:31:13 PM
Make sure his mother understands that failing to provide the necessities of life, and also failing to protect a child from ANYTHING OR ANYONE that child views as HARMFUL in the childs OWN MIND .. is neglect and grounds to lose custody. Let her know you are keeping track of any hint of allegations this child makes, and if it continues to happen - she will be sued for custody. You cannot beat down Tony - thats simply counterproductive - and your son has to see Tony when you arent there after that - would cause a little bit of anxiety for the child I believe. In addition to that - it will go on record that YOU are the abusive one (being the estranged ex) and that YOU are the aggressive one who uses physical violence to solve your problems... and worse .. you could end up in jail .. then where will your son be? He wont want to tell you anything again . and you cant have that. Nope its sad to say but you have to pressure the mother to make sure she is seeing to his personal safety needs. I have a friend who had his son every summer and every other weekend during the school year .. and one month the mother asked that the child not come to his normal visitation with dad because she was going to Vegas with her friends for 5 days and he was going to be way up north with his granny. My male friend, the father of the child, said why cant I keep him while you are away? He is supposed to be here - makes no difference where you are .. he can be here in his bed etc. She argued that she would be gone five days and not two and that it would be easier if he could just be with her mother continuously from the time she leaves until she comes back. He ended up giving in .. and told his son he would come two weekends in a row the following week. As it turned out - she left the boy with her new boyfriend (because she wanted him to be stuck in the house while she was away and not out at the bar) and he abused the boy practically the whole time she was gone - and even though the boy told his mother what happened ..... she did nothing. Absolutely nothing. When it was brought to the attention of the police, the guy was gone, and she gave the police a fake name -- PROTECTED THE ABUSIVE BOYFRIEND! Like I said .. let the mother know there are consequences for NOT protecting the child from any actual OR PERCEIVED threats. Good luck.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Sickness and in Health Posted: 7/24/2009 11:15:34 PM
Wow I cannot believe how truly gross you men are .. seriously I cant. How you could even crack a joke or be so abrasive about someone who is ill is beyond my comprehension. If you dont think that people who are TERMINALLY ILL are worthy of your time .. then say that .. instead of making a mockery of the type of life they have to live while they are praying to stay on earth just a little longer. Maybe you are just feeling threatened to know that the stuff women with cancer inject into their veins to survive would make your**** fall off if you even attempted to deal with 1% of what ANY cancer patient has to go through. I hope and pray that each of you is never dealt such a hand in life .. I wonder if you would be upset if your loved ones didnt want to be seen with you because your hair fell out, oh my bad .. it looks like it already is ... and you didnt even have chemo. Losers.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 84 (view)

Dating in the Dark... would you do it? Posted: 7/24/2009 10:58:49 PM
Forgive me OP .. I only read the initial post and then responded .. now that I have had time to read all the other posts I have to comment again ... I understand completely what you are saying about the man who you worked on that project with - and how in time you grew to know him more, and work closer with him, and an attraction developed that was 100% non visual. This is the basis I have lived my life by --- I see many good looking men .. who doesnt - but good looks mean about as much to me as 2 cents worth of gas in the tank of my truck! Just because someone APPEARS good looking - it doesnt mean I want to have sex with them- or become aroused - or envision myself devouring their flesh. On the contrary - until a man opens his mouth and lets me know who or what he is about - I am not even interested or thinking of sex. Granted ... this is not the norm of behavior for most people .. .my sex drive comes from my brain rather then my eyes ... and people who are visually stimulated often cannot even fathom this, nor believe it. But the fact that I am like this so much .. is part of the reason I never really had any issues with jealousy with my long term relationships, marriage. I recall an evening when I was in university and a van full of guys pulling up to collect me to go to a school party .. my husband kissed me goodbye and warned the driver not to be driving drunk with me in the car later. My husbands brother asked him how he could let his wife go off with a bunch of university jocks ... and not worry - my husband said for her to even be interested a guy would have to spend alot more time with her getting to know him then one night out at a bar .. no worries. He was so right. This is a great thread and I hope you continue on as you are OP .. just remember that even though many cannot understand the methodology behind your interests, they also have never experienced the exceptionally sweet juices which come from it either. Carry on gurl.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 83 (view)

Dating in the Dark... would you do it? Posted: 7/24/2009 10:42:08 PM
What is the difference in dating in the dark and a random chick scurrying you into a taxicab to the motel for drunken anonymous sex before last call at the bar ... which just so happens to be ...... when the lights come on??? I think the whole purpose of dating in the dark is because while people have eyes and typically use them in the process of finding a match .. I think they are saying most of us RELY TOO MUCH ON THE EYES and pay little to no attention to anything else. In other words .. if you saw a member of the opposite sex who didnt necessarily grab your attention visually - you would most likely pass them by without saying a word. Meanwhile they could be the best person you ever met in your life - but many would never know that ... cause she didnt have big hooters, or a hot azz, or he was too short, or didnt have a six pack. Personally - I dont really care what someone looks like (can prove that too - have pics of ex husband lol) I have found that often pics and good looks simply cloud the real issues for me. A good looking pic can make an azzwhole look hella good - and a not so good pic can have a good man go unnoticed unfortunately for him, and the superficial ones who pass him by! What I look at - is someones character, spirit, and intention - I have been lucky enough to meet such beauty in spirit it resonated externally as well. After a time of knowing the person I no longer really saw what the rest of the world saw when they looked at them .. I only saw the beauty which lay within. As a result I have been very blessed in love, and rich in friendship in life - and I will never judge a book by its cover as long as I shall live. Dating in the dark would be a breeze for me -- hands down.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Should I tell her my birthday is Sunday? Posted: 7/23/2009 2:07:33 AM
If you want to invite her to celebrate it with you .. you kinda have to tell her. If you dont wish to include her - it wouldnt be horrible to omit it, people often keep their birthdays to themselves. You could say . "hey listen .. my birthday's on sunday if you arent doing anything maybe you would like to celebrate with me?" Its that simple suga ... good luck .. and Happy Birthday!

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Asking for the phone number Posted: 7/23/2009 1:43:30 AM
Im pretty cautious with my number in general .. here and offline as well. There is nothing worse then having given your number to someone who becomes a nuisance or pressuring or demanding or boring even. I would rather be REALLY sure about the guys character before I give up my phone number. In addition to that - if i dont know the guy how do I know if I want him to have a direct line to me 24/7? Granted there are women who give up things decidedly more important then a phone number to complete strangers but that just isnt my way. I enjoy my peace and quiet when I am able to get it .. and I tend to want to keep my life "drama free" (lol total pof saying) so I just dont naturally give my number out here or elsewhere. However - I am a little bit old school in that I think a man should provide his number and allow me the courtesy to call when I feel comfortable to do so. If I accept the number it means I will call (I dont ever take a number I am not going to call) and if its online and he just sends me the number - I let him know usually in an email (or with a phone call lol) whether or not I am intending on calling him. Its simple courtesy 101 - not rocket science - mutual respect with a little extra padding for the female of the scenario (because he gives his before she gives hers).

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 116 (view)

Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy? Posted: 7/23/2009 1:30:02 AM
Sublime - I agree - jaded anyone is a big big turn off for me as well. I have met men so jaded in passing, in person, and online who have said to me that they want a certain type of woman and when they are presented with a woman like that they say -- she is lying - or she is not telling everything - or its an act lmao lmao. Whatever! Many more responses here that i really like which show me the kinds of things women have done which would be classified as "drama". But the last few posts which go into detail about the dramatics ... seems that they have in fact been with very spoiled, selfish, immature, dysfunctional women who dont know how to communicate effectively. I know for me .. if something SERIOUS is bothering me I will talk about it ONCE .. and hope for resolve. If it happens again .. no need for discussion ... I leave. But the little things really arent worth all the stuff some of you guys have went through - she stayed out all night over ya jockeys on the floor? Hmmmm .. Taltos - you sound very reasonable and thats great - to me those are the worst things that can happen in a womans life ... most things outside of those "crises" as you nicely call them... the drama type things described in this thread -- are really just based on a womans behaviour and what she will/will not tolerate in her own life. It also goes to maturity of the woman and what she chooses to project onto her SO and HOW she chooses to share it with him. I like to believe there is a time when a girl becomes a woman - maybe that has to do with age, or life's stage, or experience .. not sure its the same for everyone but a woman would do the best she could to preserve the harmony in any relationship she values, and if that means cutting the excess fat out of her life .. then so be it. Thanks to all once again - really entertaining and enlightening here - I must say to the guys who have had all that real "drama" sorry for that, I wonder were there any signs the girl was like that in the beginning . .or did she just become a whiney manipulative spoiled drama queen mid stream of the relationship?

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 115 (view)

Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy? Posted: 7/23/2009 12:26:08 AM
OKROB ... its really NOT that serious dude. I can only speak on the MENS PROFILES because I dont look at women's!! I am not here to meet chicks .. thats your department --- I am here to meet a man --- and that is why I am asking MEN what they mean by drama. Get it? And furthermore - yes I stated that I got a different answer about the same statement from each man I asked -- -I did not say that surprised me -- I simply stated what I had heard so far ... .from different men. I guess it was my innocent way of asking does Drama have a specific meaning most of the time - or is it always different based on the guy who puts it on his profile. I dont have drama, that I am aware of, and I saw over and over again men saying NO drama --- is it wrong to wonder what they mean? You need to lighten up dude - sometimes there is no hidden agenda or meaning - its just someone speaking to others to see what they say about the simple matter. You are most likely frustrated because you are automatically ASSUMING there is some jaded issue where there is none - it was an innocent question from someone who is relatively new here. Dont give yourself grief by inserting what you THINK is between the lines - there was nothing there.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

i love men who have kids Posted: 7/21/2009 10:24:11 PM
I believe that men with children are often easier to date as they understand family living, and have made their own sacrifices for their children - therefore - a woman has little explaining to do when she does the same for hers. Ideally, two single parents could come together in love, respect, harmony and in part to support each other in the tasks of rearing children. Whether or not the children like this set up - is anyones guess - but it could work .. the brady bunch were a success werent they! (ok bad example but Im keepin it light here lol) Just be careful OP that you dont allow your yearning to have a father for your children cloud your judgement when you choose a mate. When I say cloud I mean - dont just accept the first guy who is willing and able to love the kids - you have to sleep with the guy every night and enjoy it (with any luck lol ok another bad joke haha) Im just saying while I am sure you are quite capable of differentiating the two - just keep it in mind that after suffering two losses of males in their lives, you would not want to introduce another male to them lightly - it would be horrendous if they lost another. While there are great men in the world who have done fabulous jobs raising children who were not of their blood, I know a couple myself personally I am proud to say - but those men are far and few between .... I wish you well. Good luck

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

What have you learned so far? Posted: 7/21/2009 9:11:09 PM
I have learned that there are many jaded singles in the world - more then I thought. I have learned that there are many people quick to judge others with no real credentials to do so. I have learned there are still people twisting the words of the bible to attack others rather then help them. I learned there are still too many biggots, racists, sexists, classist, prejudiced, and envious people in the world. I learned that many of the people on POF arent really trying to find someone to have a relationship with - they are chronically single going on dates so they can come back here and complain about the people they met from the same dating site they subscribe too. I learned that men and women still dont understand each other often - especially when they break up from a relationship with each other. Neither knows what happened and both lay blame on the other. I learned that there are still great hearts of gold out there - but they are almost extinct. I learned that there are still supportive, giving, sound minded people who genuinely want to be there for those in distress - and they take ALOTTA HEAT doing so. I learned that there are some perspectives to things that I had no inkling of .. until I asked and someone was kind enough to share with me. I learned that if nothing else comes of this POF thing - the forums are rather entertaining (especially the lil lynch mobs who run around gangin up on people - hilarious haha) I learned that many men still think women should put out more and expect less emotionally. I learned that many women think all men are cheaters and liars and losers, because they happened to have the bad luck of loving one or two in their lives. People, in general, have lost faith in humanity, and themselves. (this is the short list off the top of my head in 120 seconds - I might be back if that oks lol)

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 115 (view)

Time for a showdown with the negative ones... Posted: 7/21/2009 7:19:29 PM
lol predictable.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 107 (view)

Time for a showdown with the negative ones... Posted: 7/21/2009 3:21:02 PM
I wonder if President Obama feels this way about the life his one time single mother gave him...... granted that is an exceptional example - but definitely a larger then life in your face proof of the possibilities isnt it? I was raised by a single mother in time much harsher then these when women werent even allowed to rent an apartment if it was discovered they were single mothers - they were turned away at every level of life from jobs, to apartments, to mortgages, to education even .... and trust me when I say - all of us (my siblings and myself) turned out as decent human beings with decent incomes and able to provide for ourselves, and our own, and we even take the time to give the last piece of bread to a neighbour if its needed - with no ill will. While two parent families are obviously ideal - the suggestion that children in a single parent home are most likely not going to make it ---- is completely exaggerated. There is much more out there now for single parents in terms of support, and for underpriviledged children in terms of services/recreation/education/healthcare. Last -just because a child is born to a single mother does not AUTOMATICALLY indicate that said child will be born into poverty and ingnorance. There are many single women who maintain their careers as they rear children, we are no longer required to stay barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, and part of the reason for that is .... many men walked away from their responsibilities forcing women into the workforce some decades ago. While there are women out there who are clearly misguided when they conceive, and choose to maintain a pregnancy - this is not always the case, and not even close to the majority, contrary to your opinion. Furthermore - there are serious allegations that giving a child up for adoption isnt AUTOMATICALLY the saving grace for the child who will be DEFINITELY getting a BETTER life because the adoptive parents have money - since when does money equate to a better life for a child who cares not what labels are in their clothing, but care more who tucks them into bed at night, and who will listen to them chatter at the morning breakfast table with love and patience. I am not trying to say money doesnt offer a child more options and a better standard of living - that goes without saying - but you cant automatically ASSUME that the parents would be better parents just because they are paying a higher price. There is much learned in life through a childs eyes that can only be taught through love and stability. Those lessons sir - are priceless. Nuff said.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

He loves me but wants to be single? Posted: 7/21/2009 1:58:38 PM
[Ask him "WHERE would you like our relationship to go?" More sexual perhaps-? Are you somewhat conservative in that area? It sounds like an open dialogue about what his sexual desires are is in order. Or maybe he's feeling somewhat "trapped" or "smothered" by your love. I don't know...without more info, can only theorize.] Now Kpooks .. how did you get those presumptions from what the OP wrote? How did you get there seriously? Not trying to be disrespectful as you are entitled to your opinion most definitely - but I gotta say .. isnt that really jaded for you to take it there? She said that she believes they were happy, she said that they saw each other every weekend even though they lived an hours distance from each other and both had full time jobs -- she said he attempted to PRESERVE her self image by his choice of wording in his departure. Granted there is much he didnt say, anyone with any experience can see that - but its anyones guess what those things are - we have no clue. Implying to this young woman that either 1) SHE DIDNT PUT OUT ENOUGH - OR - 2) SHE LOVED TOO MUCH is your way of saying its got to be her fault and the only way she could prevent this by happening again is by spreading more often and keeping her emotional needs to herself. (using laymans terms of course) I think as a result - while you may not have wanted to come across as this harsh to this beautiful young woman, your message translates into complete blame to her, and that all other women reading should keep in mind that too little sex and too much emotion means a failed relationship. I dont know where you come from, or how you were raised, or what kind of man you are ... but there are many men out there who love to be loved (they dont refer to it as smothering) and they make a woman FEEL like she is the sexiest thing on the planet (never have problems with conservative sex as a result - hot tip for you there wink). In closing - I suggest to you Kpooks -- that your advice for the young lady is harsher treatment then the guy who left. Last I checked when a man does that much to preserve a woman's feelings when he leaves its because he feels GUILTY not because he is lacking from her -- possibly he has a woman closer to home and doesnt want to hurt her - but damn - there is way more to relationships and life then you make it seem in your suggestions of what went wrong.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

egnorance and unhelpfull Posted: 7/21/2009 1:43:33 PM
Sorry I also meant to add ... please tell your friend that a man in your life is supposed to ENHANCE your existance on the planet in some way. Whether that be a helping hand every now and then, a smile when you are blue, sharing of himself and his day, asking you your opinion on something because he values your opinion and respects your intelligence and judgement, a hug just because, --- just a few of the many things a good man is supposed to bring to the table. (notice I do not make reference of money, looks, sex or authority?) Even if there is some sort of discord, or conflict between the two of you - there is a time and a place for that discussion to take place - and it should not hinder the day to day tasks that are happening in the meantime. If he is upset, fine - lets us both pack up the van, get the kids home and sorted out - then lets see what we can do to solve his issue together. This is the FUNCTIONAL way a couple handles things - like mature adults. You made mention of him being a control freak - his actions will not only cause her life issues - but it will cause a big mess in the kids behaviour in years to come. If she thinks he makes her cry now from time to time - wait til the kids grow up watching their interaction with each other in this way - and see how much she cries then. She needs to forget about him, raise her self esteem through self help, self improvement, and/or counselling BEFORE she attempts to find another man. This is the best thing she can do for herself - and most definitely for her family. Nuff said.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

egnorance and unhelpfull Posted: 7/21/2009 1:32:54 PM
I dont know about you - but in my mind if a man treats me this way, or omits assisting when and where he can in a family situation - it tells me he either isnt into the family thing, or he isnt into me. When I ask whats wrong .. and get the answer "nothing" ... I wont ask again. If a guy acts like that when NOTHING is wrong that means that he is just an idiot who i dont need around if that is his normal behaviour. If he acts like that and something is wrong .. and he tells me NOTHING ... that means he isnt adult enough to communicate verbally his issue so we can work it out whatever it is .. I dont need that either. No matter how you slice and dice it .. she should be done with him. Not only is he acting like a****... but he is doing it in front of her children/friends. What kind of impression does that give the children of how a man is to behave at the end of a family weekend? But truthfully - he lied to her when he said nothing .. and he didnt call because he is done by the sounds of things. Tell her he did her a favour - she has enough children to raise without adding him to the list Im sure. Trade him in for a man .. and she will be much happier.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 106 (view)

Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy? Posted: 7/20/2009 11:25:19 PM
lol Im not trying to make men over 30 look burnt out .. not at all! lol But yes people of any age or gender can get that way I guess when they have to deal with issues in life .. most definitely. So I guess here is the next big question .... IF A LADY HAS DRAMA IN HER LIFE (I dont know anything, lost her job, kids actin up, ex is a psycho on a restraining order, she has a car with four flat tires .. who knows .. just drama right) IF THAT LADY HAS DRAMA FOR WHATEVER REASON ... and she is attempting to rebuild her life, and is otherwise a rather stable cool lady .. should she hide/lie/omit the drama from her conversation with a new man .. or tell him and risk being judged as a drama queen or whatever? Because as I read the last few posts it occurred to me that many things labelled as "drama" could actually happen to otherwise worthy people - who just have a bad run of luck in life or what have you. No?

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

He loves me but wants to be single? Posted: 7/20/2009 10:54:41 PM
I read your thread and I would like to say that I am sorry you have seemingly lost someone who was important in your life. I also want to say that I think you have a beautiful spirit, and are beautiful to look at too.(a genuine compliment there, I dont see ladies lol) there will be someone who values you MORE come down the road and treasure what he has with you one day. This guy isnt that guy I speak of .. this guy is someone who can walk away from you. This guy - made me think of a special something I received in an email one day when I was having a particularly hard time in life over something and it made my whole mind seem clear. While I am no bible thumper I am spiritual, and I believe in God .. it was just sheer coincidence that someone sent me this excerpt from an actual Sunday Service by Rev T D Jakes. I hope it helps you (or anyone else who may read it) as it helped me. Let It Go (by T.D. Jakes) There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. LET THEM GO! And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to someone that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to past hurts and pains... LET IT GO! If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET THEM GO! If someone has angered you... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge... LET THEM GO! If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... LET THEM GO! If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents... LET IT GO! If you have a bad attitude... LET IT GO! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....... LET IT GO! If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves... LET THEM GO! If you're feeling depressed and stressed... LET IT GO! Get Right or Get Left, think about it, and then... LET THEM GO! A word of experience from me to you ... the only thing the wrong man can do for you in life ... is stand in the way of the right man. Good luck Suga - keep your chin up - know that you are beautiful ... Let his azz go on then. Hugz

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 59 (view)

Time for a showdown with the negative ones... Posted: 7/20/2009 8:53:25 PM
@ kmarie .... ******STANDING OVATION!*** .... now thass church gurl! Amen!

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

Time for a showdown with the negative ones... Posted: 7/20/2009 6:33:33 AM
lol this forum has been very useful to me as a new person on POF - I have noticed little tag teams, and groups who like to cause issue where there is none, being carefully "selective" of what/whom to make issue with. Some people are just here cause they like an argument, others are here because they want to preach, others are here because they feel inadequate and have the need to bring others down - thank goodness for posters like "Jenn" whom I dont know but clearly has a heart of gold. While some people are apparently attached with children and yet seem to hang out in the single parent forums is beyond me - but when that interaction/participation is completely negative it really makes me wonder why an attached parent would hang out in the single parents forums if they have such negative opinions of single parents. There are other forums where things could be more entertaining. I also see many who dont have children speaking so self righteously in the single parent forums, and while its a public forum, anyone can attend and participate Im not sure its a good idea to have such strong opinions about something one has never done/experienced. I have lived now on both sides of the parental coin (married and single raising children) , and while being a parent is a big job in any lifestyle (if you take being a parent seriously) its extremely challenging/taxing as a single person with no support in the home other then yourself. Even mentally you dont have the peace of mind you do when you lay your head down at night with a partner beside you - if you die what will become of the children. Even that luxury isnt there - its a totally different experience. Now people who are married with children, hopefully will have the compassion to realize their position of advantage and assist single parents the best they can, even if its only mental support, rather then throw harsh judgements, apply labels, and look down their noses at people who havent had a life which is "ideal". Even in God's name - its not our place to judge others, nor hinder them, we are to support and assist when and where we can - ESPECIALLY with those who we think are the lowest, because if they truly are "low" compared to the rest, that would be sufficient to prove that they would need the help more then anyone else in the eyes of God. Its not a licence to attack them, or ostracize them. The bible, as far as my knowledege goes, is a guide to living well, doing right by yourself and others, it should NEVER be used to criticize, ostracize, belittle, or shame another. If that is what it is being used for - the person holding it should be the one checkin their faith, their nature, their own conscience. The Bible is written so that even if you believe in your mind that someone is living wrong, or having it rough, or making misguided decisions, it is OUR JOB to ASSIST them as gracefully and well intentioned as we can as human beings. OP - this has been a very educational thread for me - I have learned more about the nature of POF'ers then any other forum I have read, and while some of it was delightful, some of it was very sobering indeed. If I have said anything in your thread that created drama/adversary - understand it was unintentional and I mean no disrespect to you. I believe your thread was one of functional design, and although the ones who might need the message the most may not absorb it, there are at least others who support your position and applaud you still - for stating it. I wish you well.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 38 (view)

Time for a showdown with the negative ones... Posted: 7/19/2009 10:39:20 PM
Ummmm I wasnt angry - just stating the obvious as it read to me as per my interpretation in this thread. I saw that he was using a broad sweeping all encompassing statement to adress a group of individuals and thought I would adress it as it was stated. If it seemed angry to state my position - and no one else seemed angry stating theirs --- is there some other sort of font I should have used to make it seem friendlier? While I dont know what post you are referring to - I came to this post because it was posted and I agree with the OP's position and positive delivery. I didnt realize it was a subthread or add on to another thread - I just responded to it for its own statement/merit. While I did read M church's whole post here before I responded - I did not read anyone bashing men on this post at that point. No I dont think men are shallow for not wanting to date single mothers - thats their preference - what I dont like is the stigma many people attach to single PARENTS without taking the time to realize that they all arent needy, helpless, stupid, love starved hoes who were misguided enough to spread their legs and conceive in an poor attempt to trap a man. Why anyone would want to force/expect a man to date a single parent when he clearly doesnt want to is beyond me, its not like expecting him to be politically correct - there are children involved and why have someone around who has no interest in them if they arent his? That would be damaging to the children, and a waste of time for the parent ... in my opnion of course. Last - who are you futureshock - did I adress you directly? Why .. why would you feel the need to run shot gun for mchurch --- I believe he responded already .... no? I think he posted what he had to say, and although I applaud your sense of comradery - Im almost positive your services werent required. He had it covered - but thank you for attempting to put me in the place you presume I should be in ... I already was where I was supposed to be. Being me. Cheers.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

my son is wanting a daddy figure Posted: 7/19/2009 11:57:11 AM
What if you took a visit to the Y during a saturday if they are open. They might have specific programs that your son is interested in .. .such as basketball on tuesdays, or rock climbing every friday (totally just an example) and you could maybe find another parent in that group who would be willing to car pool him for shared fuel fees. Is there a baseball team, or boy scouts (he might think thats kinda lame but I dont know him lol), or a mentoring program attached to any school near you? There are also people who give lessons on virtually everything - fishing lessons too, and boating lessons - he is old enough where they might consider giving him fishing lessons while you are at work once a week or something. Have to be creative - hard to know since I dont live where you live - but there has to be something .... how about a part time job at a gym, lots of guys there doin guy stuff, or the baseball stadium, or volunteer at the local pet store every other afternoon. Gotta get him busy doing something he can get lost in - he will forget what he beleives he is lacking. If I can be of any help from afar - dont hesitate to mail me. Dont worry mama - you love him and it shows. It will all work out, just have to keep trying what we can when we can and hope for the best right? (I didnt mean to imply you would hook up with a man just for your son, I should have worded that better so it would simply show my thoughts of caution - my apologies for any negative or insulting tone)

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Am I being too harsh re boring emails? Posted: 7/19/2009 11:50:18 AM
Hmmm .. thats a different perspective too .. .have to think about that .. maybe a follow up with a phone call if I like the profile read. Good idea - thank you.

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Am I being too harsh re boring emails? Posted: 7/19/2009 11:14:15 AM
Note to self: while I am finding out how to do quotes on forums, find the email settings that can restrict length of email! Thanks gurl! lol You dont know how to fix a door frame do you? lol (kidding ) Guys - really I am glad that most of you tend to agree somewhat - not that I need total approval, just wanted to hear from some men about their style of communication here. Two word emails are boring - I dunno - maybe the guy is speaking to many people at the same time and only has time to put two words and get on to the next .. but if he is that busy - why contact me! lol I really think it might be the boring factor - its like when I decided i was going to change the style of man I was accustomed to. You know a fresh start n all .. and I accepted a date (in real life not from online) with a man who was completely different to that which I have become familiar with .. and I WAS IN A COMA WITHIN THE FIRST 10 MINUTES OF THE DATE! Poor guy meant well, but omgoodness ... BORING!

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Am I being too harsh re boring emails? Posted: 7/19/2009 10:50:58 AM
I am a bit out of my element on this here dating site, and its rather difficult to know a person when they are typing to you for first contact. I mean there is no facial expression, tone of voice, or animation of any kind - so interpreting meaning is often difficult for me for now. HOWEVER .. if a guy has nothing to say but two words, or one sentence, he comes off as boring, or not interested (which makes me wonder why he sent me a note in the first place lol). I dont want to excuse this away by saying that men dont converse well, or arent good at jkeyboard skills, or the millions of lame things people could say to explain that to me. I just want to know - if someone sends me a two word, or one sentence email - and leave me nothing to really respond to, or if I have to keep thinking of things to say ... does that not indicate they are a boring person? Or am I too quick to come to that decision since I have never had the opportunity to be out in public life with the guy?

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Age gaps... Posted: 7/19/2009 10:45:57 AM
...... cute. lol

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Time for a showdown with the negative ones... Posted: 7/19/2009 10:44:41 AM
Yes .. that was the point . .maybe if I flip the script you would see how ridiculous it is when you apply a stereotype. At least you are sharp enough to have caught on .... strange though that is the only thing that stands out to you enough to comment on, that which was directed at your character, in a negative way. Wonder why other people feel that way when you apply stereotypes to them? Hmmmm .......................

urbanflavour

Joined: 3/11/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

9 years and then he leaves Posted: 7/19/2009 10:30:23 AM
There is something that someone gave to me when I was distraught at some point in my life .. which reminded me that if someone can walk away from you let them go. It means their time in your life is over. Why waste energy on someone who is capable of walking away from you? Are you going to invest all of yourself to fix things proper just in time for him to walk out again? Nope take whats left of your life, your youth, your beauty, your intelligence, your spirit and your heart .. and invest it in yourself until such time as you meet the one who will stay. He might have done you a favour you didnt have the courage or strength to do for yourself. Take the blessing and run with it girl.

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