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Thread: What hobbies are turn-offs?

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

What hobbies are turn-offs? Posted: 9/24/2009 12:18:16 PM
Hobbies I find are a turn off: Cars. (I don't get it, I hate cars because of the environment and such) Extremely interested in sports. (can't do it) War/the military/etc Conspiracy theories. Anime/manga pop culture the list could go on. But those are the big ones for me.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Why do you have sex before establishing commitment? Posted: 9/24/2009 12:15:37 PM
What if I don't want marriage? What if I just want a good fu*king now and then, and when he moves on, jolly good. For those women that feel 'used': You had sex. You used him too. You used him for his penis to get your own jollies off. IF you did it for any other reason, than you did it for the wrong reason. Why I choose to have sex before commitment? Well, because if he's horrible in the sack and I'm stuck with him, I'm a very depressed girl. I enjoy sex. I don't see it as part of a mutual contract of commitment. I'm an animal, human in species and such. And we're made for reproduction. the fact that we feel 'ecstasy' from sex suggests we're gonna have it, commitment or not. It's just a matter of picking who's a jerk off and who isn't. Don't pick the guy who's just out for a lay. PIck the guy who you can have a conversation with before, sometimes during and after the lay. That way, there's open communication about what you want and what's expected. And if the conversation goes well on both ends, he'll be back.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

How does one fall out of love? Posted: 4/22/2009 6:40:20 PM
How does one fall out of love? They trip and fall on reality. Love and in love are two different things. Often confused and often used intermittently by those who don't know better. In love is infatuation. It's usually when the big L word makes its appearance. Then everyone's happy and it's all rainbows and puppy dogs. Until reality settles in and you can't stand how she leaves wet towels on the floor or how he repeatedly leaves all the lights on. Or you find out that she's really paranoid and that he's really moody and angry. 24 hours of each other changes minds. Living together... it can make or break a relationship. Time kills romance. The longer you're around, the more you know someone, the less effort is put in, and the less is given in return. There's a 'comfort' zone in having someone to come home too and most people forget that their partner needs to feel wanted and needed still. So, people don't fall out of love, necessarily. They were in love with an idea of a person, and then realize 'this isn't what I want' and reach a valley in the love mountain range. If the valley keeps going and they can't get back up to the peak, then they split. It happens. I've never really fallen out of love. I've been wounded enough to know a person wasn't good for me, mentally, emotionally and at times, physically, so I've quietly exited the scene. I stop loving them after awhile because you realize that there wasn't much there to love, or that they loved other things more than they could ever try to love you. Shit happens. Don't over-analyze it. Just keep rollin'. Oh. And wear clean undies.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

History of drug use - please help Posted: 4/21/2009 10:59:15 AM
She should've asked first when the last time he was tested was. I do. None of my partners have taken offense. He was honest about drug using and it's a consequence. She should've acted smarter, granted and found out his test status before letting him stick it in, covered or not. It's just responsible.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

American Women vs Canadien Women Posted: 4/21/2009 10:55:29 AM
Uhm. We... well... uhm. What? ... ... I suppose we're more attractive because we're not American. I find Canadian men more attractive than American men. So logically, I guess that's why.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Women: Put a little effort into it? Posted: 4/19/2009 5:20:33 PM
Maybe they weren't that into it because the cats were on the bed. Maybe they lied to you and you aren't a tiger in the sack. Maybe you expect too much. Maybe you have bad taste in women. Maybe you're delusional about sex. Maybe they didn't find you attractive. If the majority (it seems all) of the sex you've had has proven disappointing because, in your words, the women aren't in to it, maybe it's time to look at the common denominator in all these situations: YOU

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Goldigger or Concerned about finances? Posted: 4/14/2009 10:26:29 AM
I'm looking for someone I don't have to support unless I want to. I don't want a guy (again) who's sitting on my couch, playing on his computer and watching t.v. for most of his waking hours. I don't want to come home after working a twelve-hour shift, make dinner, take care of the animals, do the dishes, do some laundry, and go to bed after listening to what he did that day, which accumulates into "nothing but check out these awesome websites!" In between the lines I look for confidence, creativity, a warped sense of reality, and a firm core independence I refuse not to have in a partner. Gold digger? No. Irritated by lay-abouts? Yes.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Taking aspects of Arranged Marriage Posted: 4/12/2009 1:44:09 PM
I like you're thinking, but I couldn't. My standards, and I know it sounds horrific, are too high. I don't want home making or work or any of the typical things. I want intellectualism and creativity. I want artsy. I'm crazy. I know. If you could strip away a lot of expectations and hopes though, then you'd strip away part of human personality, I think. The reason the courtship game is so lame right now is because of how we go about it, not so much what we want. Arranged marriages, while a nifty idea, might be better suited to a computer program than humans arranging it.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Look ok to you? Posted: 4/11/2009 4:44:22 PM
You use the word 'lame' too much to explain yourself. Kinda makes you sound like a snob. There aren't many interests/hobbies listed. I found it short, with limited pictures, albeit interesting.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Is Talk cheap ?? Posted: 3/10/2009 1:00:49 PM
I actually don't like World of Warcraft because it discourages socialness in nerds. They're hard to drag out of their parents' basements as is... why create something that's going to make them stay underground even more? Well, money clearly. And it encourages passive behaviour. I used to play FFXI, which is a final fantasy based mmorpg. I currently don't play it, but I play all sorts of video games, help run a pen and paper (dungeons and dragons like) club that has over 200 members now, and run four or five games steadily, while participating in another three. Crazy.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

women with there pets pictures? Posted: 3/10/2009 12:58:21 PM
My dog's more attractive than I am.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Have you been CONTACTED by the SPOUSE of someone you've 'met'? Posted: 3/10/2009 12:56:43 PM
Yes. it happened to me. His wife was not happy he was seeing me, to say the least. But she had another husband (poly folks). So it was quite awkward when we all had to sit down to dinner together and I got interviewed to see if I'd 'fit in'. This was after three weeks with the guy. Dating. No relationship. Just dating. Another time when the spouse called me I had no patience for being screamed at. It wasn't my fault her beau was looking else where. I simply told her if given the opportunity I would happily wreck her home if she ever contacted me again.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Is Talk cheap ?? Posted: 3/10/2009 12:51:46 PM
Some talk is cheap. Or rather, most of it is free and none of it is really worth stopping by to listen to. Conversation is kind of like a crazy conveyor belt of randomness. A lot of the junk on it are repeats of previous junk in a different colour (voice). Some of it is a bit more interesting, but you've taken one or two of those home already so you're not too inclined to do so again. And once in a very rare while, someone will come up with something original and unique, and, in my case, I'm hooked. Hitting on women is a different art. We've heard a lot of really silly sentences. We've made quite a few ourselves. Problem is, in the courting game, we've already done our part. We've made ourselves presentable, sexually attractive (usually by showing off our breasts/hips/legs), and are at a place where conversation/exchange is appropriate. The male's job now is to prove that he's worth our time. Tis the way the courtship game goes. Some tips: 1) Meet people at something you're interested in. For example, I'm a gamer (yeah, hard core nerd). It's extremely easy for me to meet men at gaming functions, because, well, let's face it... there aren't too many women in that world yet. But if you like specific hobbies, join groups and go meet people with similar hobbies... at least you'll have something to talk about. 2) Bars are a bad choice. Lots of folks meet at bars. I don't know how many stay together statistically speaking, but I doubt it's a lot. There are many better places to try your luck at courtship. Bars just beg for rejection. 3) Wit is better than sarcasm. Cleverness is even tastier. Intelligence is a must. Don't be nervous. And if your true self isn't clever or intelligent, back away slowly and return to the less sharp minded women. Final thought: Talk is cheap if the intended has a brain or knows enough to remember she heard this line last time. Although she may have been drunk last time, so your chances are higher. If the woman you're after is sweet, cutesy and belongs in an 80's cartoon where women were bodies not brains, then talk isn't cheap at all, but your wallet better have cash for the flowers, meals, movies, and chocolate she'll need as maintenance fees.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

LONE'LINESS Posted: 3/4/2009 6:19:06 PM
"Loneliness is the human condition. Cultivate it. The way it tunnels into you allows your soul room to grow. Never expect to outgrow loneliness. Never hope to find people who will understand you, someone to fill that space. An intelligent, sensitive person is the exception, the very great exception. If you expect to find people who will understand you, you will grow murderous with disappointment. The best you'll ever do is to understand yourself, know what it is that you want, and not let the cattle stand in your way." Two points for whomever knows where that quote came from.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

role playing and toys during sex Posted: 3/4/2009 6:16:19 PM
I found a really easy way to introduce a vibrator/dildo into sex was to make him a part of it while he's receiving pleasure. I always start by asking if they could use the vibrator on me while I go down on them. Plus moaning while sucking apparently creates nice vibrations on him. As for role-play, I usually would introduce that with a 'surprise'. I did it for my one boyfriend the easy way-school girl outfit. I made sure he would be wearing a tie/suit type outfit that day, called him by Mr. (insert last name here), and mentioned that extra-credit, cheated homework, etc, or whatever goal I was trying to get to. Most men will respond automatically and enjoy the outfit enough to go along with it. Find creative ways to introduce subtle things. Once they've tried it, and you're done, ask "What did you think of that?" if they liked it, ask if they'd like to try it more, be into other roles, etc. Talk about your fantasies and make them sexy, don't be shy. Play with penis as needed (to make male agreeable) during conversation.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Do Women Know If She Will Sleep With You In 10 Secondes? Posted: 2/11/2009 10:17:41 PM
har har... so true. Well, I hate elves. I don't like D&D. A bow of Aragorn? Eh... maybe, dexterity is a bonus... especially finger dexterity. I mean, who actually likes elves?

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Where and How Posted: 2/11/2009 9:56:10 PM
The first: I met online. We met for sex. We had a lot of common interests. We dated. I broke it off. The second: I met through a friend. We talked for a bunch, hung out, and talked about what we both wanted. We wanted the same thing. We got engaged eventually. I broke it off. The third: I met through gaming. It was complicated. We mutually decided to go separate ways. The fourth: I met online, we hung out for a bit, didn't really want anything serious. We mutually went our separate ways. The fifth: I met gaming, we were great friends, became a couple, didn't get along as a couple at all, and mutually went our separate ways. We're great friends now. The sixth: I met online, on Plenty Of Fish. We dated a few times, discovered a lot of common thoughts and theories and such. About a month and a bit in we became a couple. We live together now.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Do Women Know If She Will Sleep With You In 10 Secondes? Posted: 2/11/2009 9:50:18 PM
Well, based on a profile, I can usually tell whether or not I'd want to know you. If I don't want to know you, I may have the urge to sleep with you. Some folks just look like a good lay. But if I can't talk to you outside of sex, I won't be interested on the level I need so it would never happen. Upon meeting someone do I know if I want to have sex with them? Eh. Maybe. I'm pretty sure whether or not I find them physically attractive, but most folks can say that. And then they open their mouths and start talking and the true debate begins. A good argument with me about semiotics can lead to me going "Take me now."

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Getting turned on Posted: 2/11/2009 9:46:45 PM
I think it's a little unusual to stick to the rather subdued version of sex. The under the sheets, clothes off only during the lights off, and then it all seems rather formal. Doing it with the lights on, on top of the covers (hell, there are covers??), doing it not in the bed (but on the couch, kitchen counter, etc) is all... well, normal. You're not a freak, by any means, but being a little exploratory might be good for you as well. Try thinking of sex itself as the action, and the surroundings have nothing to do with it, really. Sex can happen anywhere, under any circumstance, and isn't reserved for married couples under the sheets in the dark.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

What Do You Think...Should Love be Unconditional? Posted: 2/11/2009 6:28:44 PM
The love for my dog is unconditional. The love for my cat is unconditional (there's no other explanation for why I have him). The love for my ratties is unconditional (no other explanation as to why I spend so much money on them). The love for my boyfriend, while being unconditional, can certainly be hurt by conditions, oddly. I love him, no matter what, and I may love him even after we break up, but doesn't mean I'm willing to repeatedly hurt myself because I love him. He has to love me too.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

What is your favorite genre of horror flick? Posted: 2/11/2009 5:23:06 PM
Well written ones... so not many. I like werecreatures. I can't really stand vampires. I like psychological horror.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

to take a break from dating over valentines day Posted: 2/11/2009 5:22:09 PM
February 14th originally celebrated the Roman festival Juno Februata. It celebrated marital and maternal love, the house and the home. So taking a break from dating is accurate to Valentine's Day as it is technically a day for married couples. Hallmark and a few thousand companies will tell you otherwise....

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

extreme fetish Posted: 2/8/2009 11:39:17 PM
I don't play with water sports. I'm not into anyone's excrement or urine. Blood... on the other hand....

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 306 (view)

I am a man and I refuse to shave my pubic hair. Posted: 2/3/2009 3:35:10 PM
I shave. I like smooth. I like chest hair on men. And usually facial hair. Now... that hair downstairs can go any time. I hate getting hair in my mouth while performing oral sex. No one likes hair in their mouth. Most men I've met prefer me to shave. I ask. But don't ask for more than you're willing to give, I think. Don't ask your lady to shave if you're not willing to. Over all, I prefer shaved or at least neatly trimmed. No forests for me, thanks. That goes for both genders.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

what if you prefer both? Posted: 2/3/2009 8:14:41 AM
I just put a note in my profile for it. I was open to both men and women, and got with a man, and like all men, he's game for a woman and I dearly want to spend some time with one... so as a result, I'm now looking for women. But alas, you can just write in your profile, or switch what you're looking for once in awhile to make sure both men adn women see you when they do a search.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 142 (view)

Women Peeing In The Men's Room Posted: 2/3/2009 8:02:10 AM
Canada has the largest French population that has never surrendered. Neat fact. We don't have to emulate anyone. They're saying "Hey, this is a neat idea I saw in France." Don't be so ridiculous as to assume based on that sentence that we should emulate all things Parisian French. I'm not entirely sure how you're brain jumped to that conclusion, or how it has anything to do with the thread, but good on you for speaking your mind. Well done! Moving on: Co-ed or non-gendered bathrooms are much better idea. I know most people don't want to acknowledge them, but intersexuals (those who don't fit in the strict gender types we have cast) usually feel uncomfortable having to go into one or the other. There are more of them than folks think and we should consider everybody, not just those with gender and sex matching. Plus, hey, flirting with the cute guy at the sink!

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Why would someone do this? Posted: 2/2/2009 5:05:49 PM
She was feeling lonely. She thought that meant she missed you. She called you. Heard that it didn't sound like you wanted her back. She remembered why you broke up. She didn't call again.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

I lost my license, would you still date me? Posted: 2/2/2009 4:59:23 PM
My current beau has had his license suspended twice... for unpaid tickets mind you, but he has had it suspended... while we were together. It doesn't bother me. Now if it were for drinking or something, I'd be okay with it if it happened once. I'd be deeply upset and disappointed but I'd let it fly. If it happened again, or I found you were drinking more than you should, I would leave you.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 119 (view)

Women Peeing In The Men's Room Posted: 2/2/2009 4:51:08 PM
I thoroughly enjoy breaking gender rules. I can't help it. They're so ridiculous! Have I used the men's room? Of course! My response when those poor men folk look at me ranges from: I'm really a man, just in the middle of a change. to What? You don't want me to see it?? The point is, isolating genders to go to the bathroom is a little stupid. We can have sex with the same organs I'll remind you, happily put those organs into our mouths and other areas, but we can't see each other urinate? I don't get it. I think bathrooms should be organized according to height. Short and tall. That way, no one is ever left with their knees around their head or or their feet dangling. Much more comfortable.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Do you agree? Posted: 2/2/2009 4:46:09 PM
I disagree. If we did not have music, things would be different. If we did not have music, however, I dare say we'd invent it again. And who knows what that would sound like. Some part of me would really like to know....

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Review my profie please. Posted: 2/2/2009 3:52:52 PM
"Aka Wiggy : Looking for Miss Right" - aren't we all? Get a new line. "music pretty much all types Live concerts UFC MMA The beach Good Company Kiddy But Playing in the rain " - music is an interest, granted. But just put music, or throw up a few genres, or a few favourite bands. - clearly you like concerts if you like music. Concerts, unless you're a critic, aren't really a hobby/interest. - UFC - I wouldn't put this in a profile. - MMA - Most folks don't know what MMA is. Why not put martial arts? - The beach - a place, not an interest. - good company - clearly, most of also want this. Again, I wouldn't say it's an interest so much as a preference. - Kiddy but playing in the rain - Cute. I like it. Take away Kiddy. Say "Playing in the rain" or "jumping in puddles" - Overall, so far, you don't have many actual interests. You have music, the UFC (which I wouldn't brag about), and martial arts. The rest are mostly preferences. Try expanding on those. What are things you like to talk about? If/when you read, what type of books do you enjoy? What types of movies? What are you passionate about? Do you play an instrument? Do you tap-dance to 40's music? What are you about? "My name is Anthony. I'm Half Puerto Rican, Half Irish . Im from a family of 11 (9 boys 2 girls). Im pretty laid back and am a chill person. I like video games like Halo 3 and Gears of War 2 for example. I love the beach!!! Its a personal sanctuary for me. I love sports and i mean all sports expcept NASCAR not for me.Im going to start college after a 3 year break in my education to start toward my goal of being a Choral Music Instructor. I love all music except country in its majority." Okay. Hey. Anthony. Cool, I have a name to a face. Your ethnicity - not necessary. Interesting, I guess. But most folks don't want to be judged on their ethnicity, so personally, I wouldn't put it in there. "Im from a family of 11" I'm should have an apostrophe in there. You could also say "I have a large family and they're an important part of my life" suggesting you have strong family values and dedication instead of the fact that you're just from a big family. You're laid back and chill. Chill isn't a word I would use. "I'm a fairly relaxed person and enjoy just hanging out with friends." Or some such thing. You like video games! Awesome! Now why the hell wasn't that in your -interests- section? You love the beach... doing what at the beach? Do you surf? Do you hang out? Do you paint pretty pictures of it? What -about- the beach? It's a sanctuary, cool. What else? You love sports. So why wasn't sports in the interests section? So far you seem to be describing a lot of interests and not so much your personality. Don't tell me what you don't like, tell me what you do like. Finally, we get to something more personal. You want to teach music. That's lovely. Do you sing? Are you in a band? What type of music do you like to perform? Do you have pets? Do you like animals? Do you enjoy going out more than staying in? Next: The kind of women I like: Beautiful body (im not shallow but you have to be beautiful in my eyes) and mind Open to new concepts and ideas passionate about life Fun to just hang out and converse Be self conscious and have high self esteem Beautiful body? Well, I wouldn't respond to you. I'd be self-conscious about it. Clearly you want someone you find attractive. I think this statement is rather redundant and can cause women to walk away. Go with the beautiful mind bit though, and maybe say what that is to you? Open minded, see, there's that beautiful mind bit. Same with passionate. But you never being passionate about living life either... so not sure why she should be. Fun to hang out with? REALLY!?! You have a gift for stating the obvious. Self-conscious? Why? You don't want her to be comfortable with who she is? You want her to over analyze what she's doing? I don't get it. High self esteem folk aren't usually that self-conscious.... decide. Final words: Sort out your profile. Figure out exactly who you are and write that down. Spell and grammar check. Better photos.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Why do we overlook the role sex plays in our relationships? Posted: 2/2/2009 11:49:03 AM
Psychology: The theory of human behaviour, why we do the things we do. Point of interest: THEORY Response: Humans are social constructions. Psychology, and most humanistic behavioural courses will at least cover that a large percentage of what we believe to be 'right' and at most times, 'natural', are just constructions society has made to force proper behaviour. What do I think of how complex our brains are? I think we don't know how complex they are, and that the majority of psychology is all just theory. That's the trouble with it. Most of it isn't science. It's seeing chemicals or activity and going "Hey... we think it means this..." and then completing several studies, all based on said theory, that help prove that theory. We are created to breed, unfortunately. But fortunately we have the conscious ability to decide against it. What we deem as attractive isn't always natural. Breasts aren't sex objects the world over so it's not natural, it's stigma. I'll throw my vote in with social construction before psychology, albeit psychology is fascinating.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Baby shower on the date that my dad past away should I go? Posted: 2/2/2009 11:28:58 AM
My dad died almost nine years ago. We buried him on my best friend's (at the time) birthday. The next year, I went to her party. It wasn't great, and I thought a lot about what the last year had been like, but I still went because it isn't about the dead. I know it sounds harsh, but they're gone and you can't live for them, or in mourning for them. Life is for the living, you're alive, so don't mix the two up. Besides, if your dad saw you wallowing around and not going to such a wonderful event, he'd cuff you up the ear and tell you to go have a good time. Well, at least my dad would. My condolences on your lost, however. Hope you pull through alright.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Any advice? Posted: 2/2/2009 11:06:17 AM
Advice: Don't sleep with her daughters.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone you did not find attractive physically? Posted: 2/2/2009 10:58:41 AM
Yes. It sucked. Why? I liked his personality. We was nerdy-charming. Getting physical was not too important but once we started and I wasn't interested, made me realize I wasn't supposed to be there.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Does it matter if a woman is a good cook? Posted: 10/23/2008 8:14:40 PM
I can't cook. Okay. I can. I hate cooking. I can't stand it. I even hate the smell when I'm cooking. I do cook once in a very rare while, but for the most part, I live on a student budget and eat mac'n'cheese more than I should. That being said, I was in a relationship where I was expected to cook every night. Didn't last. I told him to pitch in or move out. My current boyfriend, and most of the fellas I've dated, don't care. They tend to be a bit more on the equal footing ground. So my advice? Screw the old boyfriend. Find a better one with a less traditional and more rational set of desires.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Asking permission to marry, what will her dad ask? Posted: 10/23/2008 8:12:10 PM
Uh... well, if it were my dad, he'd beat you with a stick until you tried to run away and then shot you repeatedly with his 12 gauge. But that's just my dad. You kids are awfully young to be gettin' hitched... but I guess it's not my life. I was engaged when I was 21 and broke up with the fella because I realized he wasn't right for me and I was still growing as a person. Just a fact you might want to consider. A person isn't even fully developed until they're 22. When they hit that age, they start even more personal discoveries and connections with the world because their frontal lobes are now fully developed. So while engagement is awesome and I'm sure you're both very very happy together, I think you might want to hold off on setting a date just so that she's sure and has made a truly mature decision about her future. As for the dad. I dunno what he'd ask. I don't have a father anymore so I couldn't tell you. If someone asked to marry my daughter, I'd ask "Why do you want to marry her?" and expect honest, thoughtful answers. As well as "Why do you think she'd want to marry you? Have you talked to her about it? Has she given you an answer already? What happens if you can't have children, will you stay together? Have you talked about everything you want in the future with each other and thoroughly considered all the things that will happen in your future? Do you both have the same goals?"

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

More or less intelligent? Posted: 10/23/2008 8:07:31 PM
More in some areas, less in others. For example: My current love knows more about Shakespeare than I do. Which is fair... I mean, he performs it live and directs plays by Shakespeare... so it makes sense. I know more about literary theory than he does. He knows more about fundraising than I do. I know more about finances and investing. He knows more about human nutrition. I know more about pet nutrition. It balances out. Creates interesting conversation, and lets you stimulate each other in several different categories. So again. More and less. All at once. Just not all less and not all more. Nor just equal. I'm picky.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

how to show sincerity online? Posted: 10/23/2008 8:01:59 PM
Well, what I find 'real' in a profile is petty details. Don't just list music, movies, etc. Throw in a random quote or two, but don't give the reference. Chances are, if you have similar tastes, she'll pick up the quote and talk to you about it. Other things that help when it comes to details... I'm a sucker for pets. Mentioning a dog, by name or such, means you care about something other than yourself. Being real is also suggesting you're human. You're not perfect. You don't just list everyone awesome about yourself that usually goes to the tune of: nice guy, good sense of humour, intelligent, good job, etc, etc. Stop proving yourself to people you don't even know. Talk about personality in its true form. My profile says: I call them as I see them. This is either good or bad. I'm not saying it's just one or the other. Put tidbits of yourself out there. Use your own vocabulary instead of speaking horribly properly. Mention t.v. shows you may like, specific songs, colours even. Be creative with the profile, be honest, and never be too bland.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Instinct versus emotion Posted: 8/17/2008 4:18:10 PM
I react on instinct. My intuition is very important to me. Kept me relatively safe since I've started listening to it.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

How to deal with a Bi-Sexual Partner Posted: 8/13/2008 11:00:01 PM
I understand you're girlfriend's situation. I adore both genders, and those inbetween, and still manage to stay monogamous and have a healthy relationship. The way I've addressed my adoration for other women is simple. I include both partners in my sexual activities. Once in awhile, I'll have a threesome with my boyfriend. I get to play with others and he gets to have two women, which isn't something he's opposed to. It's all honest, good fun and so far no one's gotten hurt as long as you're all responsible and emotionally mature (as much as you can be) folks. My advice is to ask whether it's something she's willing to share with you, and if not, why she wants a committed relationship if she isn't willing to be monogamous (something you seem to value). You need similar values or it isn't going anywhere.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 71 (view)

Can men talk about feminism? Posted: 8/12/2008 10:46:19 AM
So here's some things you can do. Do some research! There're lots of books out there on feminism, the theories behind it, the history behind it, and all the social theories that come with it. Learn it. It's fascinating, and gives some good points on society. Another thing you can do is try to step back from your social upbringing. Read some social construction theory. Take a gender and sexuality course. See how much society rules us and what isn't and what is natural. I can send you some awesome pdf's if you're really interested. Thirdly. She's new. She's still reading third-wave crap and will need awhile to figure out who she is after reading all this stuff and what she believes and doesn't. She'll need to figure out where she takes a stand and where she lets things fall. Don't read too much into her opinions. Instead, ask where she learned it from. Who wrote it. If you wanna debate the issues with her, show her that you're interested and want to learn. Men can talk about feminism. It's harder, as they don't have the same social upbringing and life experiences that females do. However, reading social construction and gender construction theory can really help bridge the gap between the genders. I wholly feel sorry for the male gender because of how they're raised, and how society tries to force them to be. Any decent feminist will also look at this point of view, not just the 'women are slaves' view. Pick up some first and second-wave literature. Life'll be easier if you have ammunition. P.S. I think it's sexy when men talk about feminism and -kn0w- what they're talking about.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

He spanked me & choked me...is he a perv? Posted: 8/12/2008 10:37:03 AM
By definition, yes, he's a pervert. Paraphilic, to be honest. If you're not comfortable with it, get out now. If you are and it turns you on, enjoy the ride. Because he's not putting all himself into sex. He's holding back. Trust me. If you can embrace the dark side of him that comes out during intercourse and let him express himself that way, then you're awesome. He may choke you harder next time, start talking about 'limits' and 'safety words'. These aren't unusual things. But if you can't deal with it, he's going to get pretty damned pent up because these sexual feelings he has are things that need to be expressed. So like I said, accept it and help him out with it, talk about it with him, and let him express it. Or, if you can't, get out and let him find someone who can.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Sudden poor contact from partner? Posted: 8/12/2008 5:08:54 AM
That I don't know how long you've been partners. If you don't trust your partner, the problem lies with your insecurities, and you should leave them. Not because they're cheating, because God knows I've visited friends for extended periods and have had my phone die or I ignore it because I'm busy, but because you're not ready for a steady relationship. You seem to have a hang-up about being cheated on. You need to get over that in order for you to have a healthy relationship or else you'll never trust your partner fully. Until they give you legitimate reason to suspect things, then relax. Also, that being said, who cares if they have sex besides you as long as it's you they want to come home to? Why is sex so damn important? Use your head. Think before you do something ridiculously stupid. And seriously ask the question: Why?

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

does persistents pay off? Posted: 8/7/2008 9:21:08 PM
I hate repeating myself. If you're persistent to the point of asking more than once, I won't say no quite so gently the second time. No means no. They even have campaign ads saying this. Persistent guys can be creepy and frightening. Back off, leave her be, and move on.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Talking to you in the bus/grocery store Posted: 8/7/2008 9:19:57 PM
There are variants here that are important and mostly, the approacher has no way of knowing. Is she browsing or just grabbing things quickly? If she's in a hurry, leave her alone. If she's casually walking around, taking her time, feel free to approach. Her mood. If I'm in a decent mood, I'll happily chat to folks in the store, on the bus, etc. If I'm tired, just got off work (I work in retail so I deal with too many people every day) or had a bad day, I don't want to talk to anyone. You can usually tell by making a joke or comment that's amusing. If she laughs and smiles, perhaps makes eye contact, then keep talking. If she gives a half-smile and keeps looking out the window, she doesn't want to be rude by completely ignoring you, but isn't interested either. On the bus: Don't bother if she's on the phone, playing with her phone, playing with her mp3 player, or listening to an mp3 player. These women, in my own opinion, are a waste of time anyways. If she's reading something, chances are she's not interested in being interrupted. But if you enjoy reading, ask about the book. Readers like talking about books. As for how I feel about being approached at these random places? As I said, I work in retail. Most of the time, I just want to be left in peace. I'm not particularly rude, but at the same time, I usually just want to get home, have my dinner, and go to bed. Most people shopping, waiting for a bus, in the evening, are feeling the same way. So don't be surprised if the woman isn't interested. Just be friendly, casual, and don't come on too strong.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Something to chuckle over Posted: 8/1/2008 7:28:24 PM
Can I have a say in this? As for my 'asking for it': Possibly. I can see both points here. I said I would pose nude. I have, and would do it again. That doesn't mean porn. That doesn't mean sexual, necessarily. My profile encourages certain types of folks to email me. This is also true. But it also states very clearly how I feel about other things, as well. Based on the email the user sent, I'm guessing he didn't read my profile. Possibly looked at it, but read it? I doubt it. Does this behaviour bother me? Not at all. Again, I posted it as something to laugh about. Be amused by. Please don't start a large debate over something just to laugh at. It isn't worth the effort. Let's debate about social theory, shall we? People will believe their own perspective. I understand this. Our realities are based on what we see and feel, and thus, there is no real true answer to what you folks have been discussing. It isn't a matter of deserving or undeserving. It happened. Let's not argue. It's funny. Kinda cute in a sad, sad way. Really lacking in creativity as far as presentation goes. I have hard time with the presentation of grammar/spelling. Or lack thereof. Had it been put eloquently with a key argument, I would've given it more thought. But no. It's just an attempt to see boobs, which women are used to. So let's just laugh and move on, eh?

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Something to chuckle over Posted: 7/30/2008 11:53:09 AM
Ed, I'll pose nude for you only if you promise you'll make me a cover girl! It's my dream! Wait. No. See the paypal statement. Nude posing to follow high price payment. Love, Kate

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Something to chuckle over Posted: 7/29/2008 7:31:01 PM
contemplates trying just to see if being female makes a difference See my tits? Sure thing. I have a paypal account. Just send me your information and I'll send you the request for payment. After the e-cheque has cleared I'll send you the picture.

cheshire_grin

Joined: 1/11/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Something to chuckle over Posted: 7/29/2008 6:51:48 PM
So since I'm here looking for women, men can send me requests to see my breasts? Of course! Why didn't I see that logic!? Would it work if I sent that to women? Damn. I should try that...

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