I can't take this anymore... chat & forums.

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Stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

I can't take this anymore... Posted: 5/8/2009 9:21:30 AM
Be sure she is done with your friend. She could be using you to talk about her relationship with him, which means she is using you for closure or to get insight on winning him back. Conversely, be prepared for your friend to move in on her again when you show interest. Some guys do that. Sometimes it is an ego trip. Sometime something else. So be prepared for problems with your friend. In an ideal situation, ask your friend what he thinks about you two seeing each other. If he is cool, then you have a greenlight. Likewise, ask her if she is totally done with him. If all looks good, then go for it.

Stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

What is it about females and wanting a nice guy fix????? Posted: 5/8/2009 9:15:02 AM
From talks with female friends on this topic, I have come to the conclusion that Nice Guys finish last because they are too timid to go after it. They play nice and do not ask her out. They play nice and do not seduce her, because they are worried about boundaries. New Alert, guys: Women want to feel wanted. With the bad boys, they make a woman feel wanted because they just devour them. They chase, they lie and tell them what they want to hear. They seduce the crap out of them. The bad guy does whatever it takes to get into their pants. And the woman feels wanted. So if you are nice guy and you have a girl who considering you. Stop the nice guy routine. You know she likes you, otherwise she would not be spending time with you. Just go for it. The difference is that you will not lie, but will be honest. So the relationship will mean something.

Stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 92 (view)

Is it really rude to ask a woman her age? Posted: 5/7/2009 10:58:26 AM
Didn't read the whole thread. I think age and weight are two general things you have to be careful about asking about. Most all women (even THE MOST beautiful) tend to have an insecurity at some level. So what to ask instead? Do not ask her about her age. Instead ask her this: -- What year did you graduate high school? -- What years did you attend XYZ university? Both of those will give you a good idea on her age without asking! If she asks you why you want to know, just say that you were curious if you have any friends in common. You might know someone who goes to that HS or Uni. It is a purely social question, but it will usually give you her exact age. Especially high school. Unless she is dumb as a stump she graduated exactly when she was 18. Few graduate early or late. And then the even more touchy question. Weight? Don't ask her weight but instead ask: -- What is your favorite clothes designer? Or brand of clothes? (followed by) -- What size do you wear? Add to it, a question on how tall she is and you have a good idea on weight & size. If she asks why you want to know, just smile and say that you wanted to make sure you got the right size. Leave it cryptic. She will guess that you are considering buying her clothes -- and women love clothes! There you go, guys. Two easy ways to get the knowledge you need without coming across as rude.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

perfect hair Posted: 5/4/2009 12:00:49 PM
Funny post. I like hair locked down, but found away to do it and make it look natural without the gelled look. If he is a businessman and has to look presentable, then it comes with the territory. He has to look professionally and that means controlling your hair. That said ... if this is in private and in the evening? Then that is totally different. I love for my woman to rub her hands through my hair. It feels good and she enjoys it. After a few passes my thick hair stands up and almost looks like a fro! LOL But if it is just between us and she likes playing with it, then I let her play! So my question would be, when are we talking about this? Out in public? Lunch when he has to get back to work? Or is this in the evening when it is just the two of you at home?

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Shower after sex.....is he cheating? Posted: 5/4/2009 11:54:37 AM
No I don't think he is cheating. Like Sonof said ... many couples do that and it has to do with hygiene. Lets just say that women spray fluids as well and it can get into some unsavory spots where the sun don't shine and that quickly become sticky and uncomfortable. Frankly, I do not blame him.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Female separated Posted: 5/4/2009 11:46:44 AM
My view ... Separated = Living separately. Marriage is not good. Divorce papers may or maynot be filed. Chance you will get back together. Divorced = Currently in or just finished a divorce. No chance of getting back together. Proceedings are in action or complete. (I would not nitpick someone who puts divorced but has not had their "prove-up hearing" etc.) If it has been a long time since divorce, then this label is not exactly accurate even though correct. Difference between recently divorced and single (but married a long time ago). Single = Totally single. Could never have been married or could have been divorced but single for a long time. Married = You dog, why are you on here? It better be only for the forums!!!

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

Religion and sex in dating Posted: 5/4/2009 9:50:19 AM
One, a member of a "branch off christian religion", was always hot to trot, then after we had finished, she would get a serious case fo teh guilts. ..... hose who profess to believe do so in judgment of others and not themselves. Umm ... sounds like a contradiction there. I think what you are describing is people have a "measure" of what is proper morally in their head. No one -- and I mean NO ONE -- measures up the ultimate measure. Does not matter if you are referring to Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or Buddhism. No one is perfect. Then with this measure, they apply this to themselves and to others. Most do it equally. Some are harder on themselves. Some are harder on others than themselves -- often making themselves look good. (The latter being the true hypocrite.) Other than the true hypocrite, it is just a person struggling with the ideal. As for sin and religion specifically? All sin have their faults. Even those who properly refrain from sex, but have no trouble getting drunk and picking fights. Sin is sin. Sexual sins are just a sin. It is part of what makes someone sinful. A good christian acknowledges the short coming and tries to fix it, knowing full well that the "flesh is weak" and that perfection may never happen.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

What is the easiest way to strip a father's rights? Posted: 5/1/2009 11:52:58 PM
First, go talk to a lawyer in your state. This is a bad place to get advice given that people live all over. Nothing will be all that helpful ... anecdotal at best ... and perhaps only showing knowledge of another geographic area. Second, if the authorities saw nothing wrong with anything he did (no physical abuse on your or the child) then it is unlikely that you can do anything. I can only presume the facts, but I will guess it is not that bad and you are acting out of a grudge. Just let it go. As someone stated already, this can backfire. How can it backfire???? First, courts in some JX consider a false or misleading accusation as a sign of bad parenting and the court will actually take some of your rights away. (I.e. false accusation of child abuse could remove the parental rights of the accuser.) Second, this could cause major problems with your child. If you remove or alienate what is otherwise a decent father in a grudge match, you will get resentment from the child when the child learns the truth. Tread carefully. There is no easy button. Consult a lawyer near you.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 368 (view)

Adults living at home with Mom and Dad Posted: 5/1/2009 11:33:53 PM
Stogz ... yep if this is the way you think .... Now go and cut your parents yard little boy. Trashing or flaming other guys does not make you look better to the ladies. I do think there is a double standard on stereotypes. Does anyone deny the stereotype exists? But you are making an ASSumption that the stereotype actually has anything to do with me. If you actually read my profile or knew me, you'd know that it is quite the opposite. Lived on my own since I was 18. Never took a dime from my parents. First to graduate from college from my family. Plus two graduate degrees. Attorney. Single dad with a daughter. Yeah, that is quite an ASSumption. I am also glad to know, Onmyown4, that you just flamed me like you flamed many other's posts without reading or understanding what they say. Again, trolling does not make you look better but only shows your true nature.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 97 (view)

..legal..tight...BOX? waaaaa Posted: 5/1/2009 12:37:29 PM
On the primary issue presented, two people must be compatible. If a male wants children, then yes he will devalue a woman that is not able (or does not want to) have children. This is a no brainer. If you want children, you go after a woman who wants to have kids and is fertile. Don't demonize a guy for making that choice. He has his priorities and is allowed his choice. The same for women who want men that want kids and are a good fathers. I am sure there are many women who put a high priority on a guys ability to be a father and provide for a family. To claim the opposite is hypocritical. The only remaining result is if it looks like your partner wants kids and you don't, then just accept you are not compatible and move on. As for the second issue? ROFL I have to say I am amuzed. Here I thought guys were judged by women based off the length and girth of their member. And men of course are self-conscious of it with the large feeling proud and the small feeling feeble. And NOW we have women feeling a little subconscious about their size. I find it ironic and amuzing. What comes around, goes around. -scott

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 464 (view)

why do men always have to look at other women!! Posted: 4/30/2009 3:31:03 PM
I have to weigh in on this one. There is a BIG difference between looking at people or NOTICING people in a social environment and GAWKING at a member of the opposite sex. Noticing people through a quick glance, or a sizing up, is not a problem. Should never be a problem for any man or woman. To gawk at a member of the opposite sex through starring or double/triple takes is offensive.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 353 (view)

Adults living at home with Mom and Dad Posted: 4/29/2009 11:27:01 AM
I like this topic and it is one I have been struggling with lately. Generally, there is a double standard. Women view men lowly if they live with their parents. Most women want a guy who can provide for them, take them to expensive dinners, and give them expensive gifts. A man living with parents with no job or a minor low paying job are a turn off. No one looks down on a woman for labeling the poor guy a loser and not dating him. Now flip the coin. Woman in exact same scenario and suddenly it is not seen as bad. Men do not hold a "Failure to Launch" stereotype like women in the same situation. If a woman needs to be taken care of (and they happen to be attractive and fun), then a guy will often gladly take care of her. Despite the fact that said woman has trouble taking care of herself. Personally I have been rethinking this paradigm. I've been burned too much recently on it. Yes, there are exceptions where a person is taking care of their parents, but I don't think it matters anymore. Think about this for a second. (Scenario 1) A woman lives at home in her mid-20s and possibly has a child -- maybe not. Parents tend to RUN THEIR CHILD'S LIFE!!! Even after a child has reached the age of accountability. Even more so if the woman had said child outside of a marital relationship (plus the father is a deadbeat and not paying child support), doesn't have a strong career, and generally made poor choices in her life. (She is a loser and slept with losers and doomed to a loser life.) Parents tend to revert to the parent-child relationship that existed in the teenage years. This is different when the woman is paying rent and has a career. Different is not paying rent and mooching off mom & dad. This situation is never conducive to a dating relationship. Suddenly as a late 20 or early 30 something guy, you are dating like you are teenager. Suddenly, you have to win over mom and dad's approval and kiss some serious ass. Bring flowers for your woman??? Better bring some for the mom as well. Possible issues of curfew and checking in. Awkwardness if you are sleeping together and parents do not approve. Or worse they simply do not like you so they sabotage the relationship. I would say for guys dating a woman living at home, take a very deep breath and get ready for a very long and rough ride. Yes, a woman could have her boundaries and tell her parents that it is her life, but she has no leg to stand on since they are supporting her, she lives under their roof rent free, and for all purposes she is a teenager again. There are exceptions, but generally it is a warning sign. Plus again return to the "Failure to Launch" issues. Does a guy who has their act together really want to get take on another child that does not have their act together. Just some food for thought. (Scenario 2) Woman living at home to take care of mom & dad. This can sometimes be akin to a woman having a special needs child. Unlike scenario 1, the woman has a parenting relationship with the parents. Have you taken your meds? Are you mentally okay, today -- do we need to talk? The relationship is of the woman taking care of her parents. This is a totally different scenario. It can be better if the woman has her own head on straight. She plans ahead and keeps her boundaries. This would mean if mom or dad needed to be watched, then she would plan appropriate parent-sitter. (Scenario 3) Combine the facts of 1 and 2. Worse possible scenario. Woman has made poor life choices. No real career or skill set. Mom or dad have health or mental issues (or both) and the woman is taking care of them. Her "job" is not to be a 24/7 nurse, cook, and maid. The other parent is the one providing for the family because they have a nice job. Now suddenly you have a mixture of both and in some ways the worse of both. She is limited on dating because she her job is to care for mom 24/7 and be at her becking call. Thus dates are canceled last minute due to "drama" at home. Or the worse, which is the refusal to let the relationship develop into a marriage (i.e. she moves out and dad hires a nurse for mom) because she feels obligated to remain there indefinately. This means the relationship might have no future. Now consider (Scenario 4), where this one has a degree or skill set, she has her own career, her own apartment/house, and only lives with herself and her kids. This woman is stable. She has a good head on her shoulders. She has no future-mother-in-law drama instantly from the beginning. For a guy, which would you choose??? All things being equal, I would want the 4th woman. A close second would be scenario 1 or 2, where there are clear boundaries and the woman is paying rent and has own space.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 78 (view)

She took him to a funeral without my permission Posted: 4/28/2009 9:40:06 AM
Let it go. Work on getting along with the Ex or the next 15 years of co-parenting with the mother will be very very difficult. If you pull an attorney and mess up this funeral -- a very sticky event -- she will be bitter and do similar things to you in the future.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Dating with a SNC, How? Posted: 4/27/2009 9:36:05 AM
Hmmm ... first off I am sorry you have a SNC. It takes a special person to be a parent to these children. Generally, you become a SNC caretaker because it is your child and out of a love for your own child you take care of them and sacrifice much to do it. It takes an even more special person to voluntarily (not as a vocation, such as a teacher/nurse) take on responsibility of a SNC. This gets to the level of the kind of heart that adopts a SNC, knowing full well that it will be a struggle for many, many years. My thoughts are that it may not be fully the SNC situation. It could very well be that you are still in process of finding the right person that will take longer than most. Or perhaps you are sending the wrong signals. no one wants to date you for long...and heavens forbid anything long term. I would infer from this that you have no problem getting dates, but that the dating cycle is short. No long term dating. Assuming that the guys knew about the SNC and still went out on a few dates, then I highly doubt that the SNC has anything to do with it. Instead it could be something else ... such as ... One thing I will not do is spend lots of time away from my kids or constantly leave them behind, which is what has been hinted at before...so... How is a girl supposed to find anyone to spend time with in this situation? Any parent, whether it be a SNC situation or a regular parenting situation, need to spend time away from kids in order to date. Period. Dating is about two people coming together. Yes, there may be some dating activities that the kids are involved in but a good chunk of time should be just between the two. So based off of your statements here, I would assume that you are not giving the man the time he deserves to get to know you. And correctly so, the men have moved on to those who do lay aside proper dating time. It is simple, once a week or so get a babysitter for the evening and go on a date. If you are unwilling to do this, then yes you will have problems dating ... whether you have a SN child or not. Lastly, do not define your life by being a SNC parent. I have met parents where this runs and rules their whole life. Thus when someone does take the chance on dating them, all that they talk about is the SNC status. The child is only one part of your life, not all of it. So while it is good to talk about it and explain the struggles, I would be very careful about ranting about it. If on a date a woman started ranting about how hard her life was due to a SNC, I would jet. Not because of the SNC, but because I was sensing a negative personality. So be thoughtful on what you share about your SNC situation until you get to know the person better. Hope that helps!

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 38 (view)

Do women actually exist that date men with kids?? Posted: 4/26/2009 5:40:39 PM
Haven't had any problems getting dates with either MIL ... a ... mothers or women without children. I am going to guess that is a quality of women thing. A good woman will not care if you have a child or not. A good woman will only see that you are a good father -- period. The only question in their mind is if you would be willing to be just as good of a father to their kids. Blended families where both have a kid (especially around the same age) is, IMOP, a win-win situation. You can see how good of a mother they are ... likewise they can see how good of a father you are. Nothing tells you more about a person, than to see their parenting skills in action by how they treat their children.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 187 (view)

Are there any people left that date one at a time? Posted: 4/21/2009 2:45:13 PM
YES! I figured it out. So if I message a woman on here and she ignores me. It is not that she is not interested in me, but that she is only talking to ONE GUY AT A TIME!!! So if I get a "read /delete" just mark her as a favorite and try again in a couple weeks. By then she might be over that one guy and ready to talk to new people. Yeah something tells me if I did that I would be blocked ... LOL

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Stalkerish Behaviour Posted: 4/21/2009 12:48:36 PM
Only reason I can see someone would get arrested is if he was already under an order not to call someone, but kept doing it anyways. (Assuming calling was all he was doing and not anything else.) Soooo ... you can bet there is a long past history that involved a judge sending a court order. Which means .... you should run. Fast! Most likely he has done this type of thing before. You do not want to be the next girl he stalks or calls. Also, if he is in a relationship with you, why would he be contacting other women????

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Should your past relationships matter when trying to form a new one Posted: 4/21/2009 12:41:36 PM
I agree with this: Cityhorsewoman: I think she is using it as an excuse. Of course at a certain age, why wouldn't we have had a few relationships? Basicly it sounds like she was looking for a way out. When you want out, you will find a way out. She feels good because she found a flaw -- you are not stable in relationships. But in the end you are very confused, because past is past at age 49 (I think I have OP's age right) you will have many relationships -- unless of course you were married to your HS sweetheart and she just died last year and you are just starting a new relationship. So yeah ... it was an excuse. You may never know the real reason (another guy), and it does not matter. Just move on.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 51 (view)

Do tall men like short, petite woman? or do men prefer women who they can see eye to eye with? Posted: 4/20/2009 2:17:36 PM
If I want to see eye to eye with her ... I pick her up and put her on a curb. Or I just pick her up. I'm 6'1 and love petite women. I was a full foot taller than my ex-GF.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 46 (view)

Going down on her Posted: 4/20/2009 12:57:09 PM
ROFL The jokes on this thread are classic. We've had plenty or sex and I often get her off from fingering/clit stimulation. But definately want to go down on her. Think I'll just go for it when I see her. If that is true, then there is nothing holding you back. Okay my advice (cannot believe I am actually posting this): 1) Go down on her by kissing her lips. Then her neck & shoulders. Then to her breasts, then to her stomach. From there on just work yourself down. Feel free to move to inner thighs and then work back up. Don't say anything. She'll let you know through body language. 2) Learn how to get to the clit with your tongue. But after learning where it is, don't spend all your time there. Some women enjoy the lower stuff more. Change it up and let her tell you what she likes. 3) And this is the big one ... beware of the thigh grip of death. Or worse the clawed up ears and ... oh yeah ... was that your hair that she just ripped from your head?

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

He's always has a headache or is too tired. Posted: 4/20/2009 12:34:22 PM
When I first read your post, I was thinking one thing, but then I caught this. Okay let me get this straight ... thinks our first time should be a more romantic place.... So there is no first time? You haven't slept together yet? Then I would say his statements about condoms (pregnancy, STD, etc.) and his interest in making the first time romantic (who wouldn't?) and a few other comments might be dead on. Also, how do you know there is mutual physical attraction? For that matter, how do you know he has an amazing penis if you've never had sex? It seems like some facts are missing. Eitherway, I think he is questioning whether you are just in it for sex and for some good guys that is a valid reason to give pause. Cannot blame a guy for being picky. Believe it or not, some guys will not F*** anything that moves but are more picky about where they stick their thing for fear of it catching something and falling off!

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Ignore the Don't Sh*t where you eat advice? Posted: 4/20/2009 10:11:48 AM
I would say never date in a small company. Period. In a large company, it is okay to date but only if the individual was in another department. Also, never ever under any circumstance date someone (even in another department) that in any ways has any direct correlation to your paycheck -- as in accounting or controller's office. I've heard a nasty stories of a backhanded shit an accountant in a controller's office did to an ex-BF that worked in the same company. The types of thing dealing with lowered payroll checks and not paying the employer's side of taxes that made a mess of things to untangle. So in a large company, date someone in another department except for the controllers. LOL Otherwise, welcome to the world of the internet. Why risk a bad working relationship when you can meet women online. Prescreen them on things you and dislike. And there is no fall out if things go bad. You never have to see them again. If they stalk you get a restraining order. Simple and clean.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Asking for professional advice Posted: 4/19/2009 5:56:05 PM
Haha ... I have to say I got some interesting results. Funny enough, I do not see attorney as positive. I would say most women I dated saw it as a boon and a bane. Boon in that you obviously have your act together and in a career. Bad in that some area of attorneys have a very bad reputation. Full of themselves. Argumentative -- we do argue for a living right? So I almost see it as a forewarning. ;-) I don't see it pretentious. Pretention would be putting "Esquire" on your business cards, bragging about your school and GPA, and your win/loss ratios. But to each their own. I will probably remove attorney in the job category and put something funny. Like "Hired Gun" ... because we all know it is true. As for conversation about it. I definitely find people who come straight out with questions to be a huge turn off and I ignore them. For friends, I do not mind talking in very general terms about what is "right" and "wrong" ... along with a nice helping of "I am not your attorney and you should get one or talk to yours." One thing to talk about the law generally; another to give specific advice. I am getting more and more where I shy from saying anything at all.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Asking for professional advice Posted: 4/18/2009 10:42:56 PM
Okay, I am curious about other people on this. I am an attorney. Put it on my profile. I keep thinking about taking it down, because I think some women see attorney and think $$$. To say I have an adversion about golddiggers is an understatement. But lately I have been getting messages from women asking me for legal advice. In the last month, I have had three conversations from women asking about child custody issues. Yet another asking me about immigration. And yet another ... are you ready for this ... asking me information about how to beat a DWI (driving while under influence) arrest and pending trial. (Yes, I dropped that one quickly. HINT: Telling a guy about your DUI/DWI arrest does not show your best side!!!) I find it funny, since those are not my practice areas and as a tax attorney I am just happy we made it through tax season without someone on her asking for tax advice!!! ROFL I can see it now ... sex for doing their taxes? I'm sure its been done before .... Okay, so here is my question and thoughts. Are these women asking questions as a way to initiate conversation? Is this their way to see how I answer and whether I am really the profession that I say that I am? Or ... my fear ... just women online trying to chum up some cheap legal advice because they know getting an actual opinion would cost them $$$. I'm beginning to wonder if this is typical or common. I guess if you are a doctor or nurse, maybe someone will ask a health question. Or perhaps if you are a vet or vet assistant, a question about the health of their animal? Now that said, to all the girls who ask me questions I tend to answer them -- especially if I find them attractive. LOL Who wouldn't right? Some go somewhere. Some don't. I just think it is funny that I see a trend, and I was curious what the thoughts of other people are? So what do you think? Honest conversation? Screening? Free advice? Or something else?

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

calling each other pet names or honey or dear Posted: 4/18/2009 9:26:59 AM
Generics terms of endearment? Meh, never cared much for them. Specific names to their character? Those are the best!!! How long till I start using them? However, long it takes for her to do something that I find amuzing and can quickly be named. Then she has that name. And ... I never like to reuse the name. Her name is her name. Her name also becomes a code word to my best friends of who I'm talking to.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

dating more then one at a time Posted: 4/18/2009 9:01:25 AM
Generally, speaking I would suggest only dating one person at a time. Period. I don't understand how someone can keep track of more than one person's needs and interests, plus work a full time job and worry about their career. Unless of course, they do not really care about their needs or interests and it is all about themselves. The only exception would be if you are in the early dating phase (first 2-3 dates) where you are still getting to know them. Personally after 2-3 dates (by the 4th at the latest), I'd suggest you make a decision on whether they are relationship material or friend material. Eitherway, the woman deserves to know where she stands. If you agree that the there is relationship, then you see each other exclusively. If not, then you keep things open and remain friends. I wouldn't do sex outside of an exclusive, committed relationship. The concept of people sleeping multiple people all at the same time and chances for STDs and other bad stuff just drives me nuts.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 31 (view)

Nice Guy Syndrome Posted: 4/17/2009 9:37:00 PM
Now a good man, there's the ticket. A good man is a guy who once maybe was a nice guy, but grew a back bone. A good man is who he says he is. Tells it like it is, but is also empathetic to others. He is the perfect balance between "nice guy" and "bad boy", the most important difference is that it is real. While ng's and bb's are just acts to hopefully get what they want. The good man has the confidence to be who he is, and doesn't really care if you don't like it. For the most part, I would agree with this. There is a difference between being Nice and Good. Most women would not turn down a good man. Nice is questionable. Too nice can come across as fake or having an alterior motive. I asked a female friend directly about the Good/Bad Guy issue. Here is what she said, "The best situation is to have both. A good guy can become a bad guy. Or a bad guy can become a good guy. No woman wants to take a good guy and corrupt him. Some have tried and do that -- you may have heard the stories where a guy becomes bad over a woman. (A woman corrupts and tempts a good guy to do something out of their character.) But most women would feel bad in doing this. OR you can take a Bad Guy and turn him Good. This is considered the best option. You can make a Bad Guy become Good for the sake of a girl. This makes the girl feel as if she fixed something and made it better. But now she gets the Good Guy (he buys her flowers and chocolates, and is thoughtful); yet he is also a Bad Guy (i.e. crazy in bed.) So the best situation is to have both, and the prefered method is turn a Bad Boy into a Good Guy. But the flaw in this scenario is that both options infer that you change someone. Otherwise, you have to like them how they are ... or like them for who you think they are. Both of which can be hard.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 72 (view)

Any advice for me? Posted: 4/15/2009 7:27:05 PM
Thanks dreamcatcher39. I know there is nothing wrong with me....and i dont intend on changing for anyone. Hey Gouki, I'm jumping back in on the advice. I think you are under the impression that you have to change who you are to get a date. First off, I am on POF for friends. Look at my profile. I'm currently dating a very beautiful woman (Mrs Tex, 2004) and have dated several other model types or beauty pageant winners. I have several female friends count on me as a friend or buddy -- they can call me at 2am about what some guy did and know I will listen. So that is just for qualifications. But what would you say if I also told you that: 1) I love sci fi. Could watch it 24/7. My favorite TV shows are Battlestar Galactica, Babylon 5, and Firefly. (I own the full series of all of these.) 2) I also love Anime. Appleseed, Karas, Hellsing ... I love it. 3) I am a huge MMO gamer. Started withe Everquest, then to SWG, then to WOW, now currently on Warhammer. When I played WOW, I was in a raiding guild. Not just in a raid guild, but I was the guildmaster. I quit and then moved on to Warhammer. Just saying that to say I am (have been) a hardcore gamer. 4) I'm a nerd. I have two graduate degrees. Masters in religion. Doctorate in law. 5) I have a penchant for odd European metal bands that are rarely played on the radio here in the States, such as Lacuna Coil, Within Temptation, Nightwish, and Kamelot. Don't change yourself. Just pick and choose what you share about yourself when someone first gets to know you. Save the more geeky stuff for later when they get to know you. Best to use humor first. I make good use of humor and a good singing voice. Talk to me and I will make you laugh. If a woman is around me long enough, I will serenade her!!! I do buy flowers. Otherwise, I am a very very average looking guy. Yes, you should work out and better groom yourself (update your hair style). Otherwise, dress well for your figure and use your personality. Also, do not underestimate that beautiful women also love geeks. You'd be surprised how many of them find you a relief over the average muscle-head that watches ESPN all the time. Just because a woman is beautiful does not mean that she does not enjoy a good intellectual conversation. I think you will find as you get older that you have to be honest, direct ... but share the right stuff about yourself. The rest of your interests (politics, anime, etc.) you can save for later. Again, goodluck. By the length of this thread you are certainly getting some people (including some women) interested in you.

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

Any advice for me? Posted: 4/14/2009 7:28:48 PM
Alright, Gouki23 ... just a few comments. First, like the others said get some new photos. I get you holding the camera in a mirror. Hey, I have a shot like that. But it is only one. Get a friend to help you out and take a good photo of you. Both pictures are to the side. Try a front on picture. Square your shoulders with the camera or something. I have no issues with facial features. It is the angle of the photo. Plus your long hair. You have the hair too loose in the front. If you're going to do a long hair as a guy, pull it back hard and tight. Loose is feminine motsly. Hard and tight back is more manly. Go for a topknot if you want. Think sammurai. Alright? Just don't go to far with it. LOL Smile. Have at least one picture of you smiling. Maybe another of you with a friend. Doesn't matter if it is a female friend. Social credibility here. Cann't hurt. Only reason not to smile is if you have bad teeth. Profile says you are 6'2 and 155 lbs. Damn, dude. You need to eat and work out more. Seriously. Just jog and list. Don't over think it. Just do it. It will make a huge difference in how you perceive yourself and how women will see you. Your profile strikes me as relatively light. Two small paragraphs is not much to work with. Plus, your statements almost seem polarizing. Perhaps that is okay if you want to glean out a conservative, christian girl that watches nascar and football. I am getting the impression that maybe your scope is too narrow. Broaden and generalize your statements and talk more about your personality. Being too controversial on your statements can turn off girls too quick. I would save the more controversial statements (I'm an atheist) for later. Better to stick with non-religious. Goodluck!

stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

1st date Posted: 4/14/2009 5:49:57 PM
First date can be fun. If you like them, you can spend the whole day together. or Second date as a breakfast date, which is when the first date goes long!

Stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 699 (view)

Do guys like single moms? Posted: 4/5/2009 9:15:49 PM
Do I like single moms? YES!! Who doesn't like a hot MILF! Okay, okay ... truthfully I am a single dad. Dating a single mother means that she (hopefully) understands what I deal with as a single dad. My deal is simple. You cannot replace her mother, but I expect that you'll at least try to treat her as your own. Likewise, I will be respectful and treat your kids just as good as I treat my own. We each also have mutual understanding of the pitfalls of dating, such as broken or complicated dating times due to kids. In the end, single moms do have their advantages. My answer might be different if I were without kids or if my kids were grown. At those points, each person is their own and only they can say what it is they are looking for in a relationship.

Stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Dad's who dated women who didn't really like his children Posted: 4/5/2009 9:05:35 PM
I actually had a very similar issue with my ex-fiance. To my daughter she was perfect and worked hard for a good relationship. To me privately, she complained frequently about not liking it when my daughter was around. She would tell me that she was jealous that her daughter did not get as much time when my daughter was around. Or that she felt our relationship was better without her. These things hurt me dearly, but in the end I saw she tried to be good to my daughter (despite her words on the side) and ignored it. Doesn't matter now, since we broke up on other grounds. But this situation has definitely left a bad taste in my mouth. It is one of several grounds that makes me wonder if I should date at all. Funny thing though. I said to her, "If I were say to you what you just said to me about my daughter, what would you do?" She said she would break up with me and apologized. In relationships sometimes all you need to do is reverse it. Just consider yourself lucky that she moved on. Probably for the best.

Stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

Who wins on net dating sites Posted: 4/1/2009 4:36:13 PM
Going to the initial posting, likewise I am a christian man. I have graduate degrees in both theology and law. I also consider myself an observer of human nature and some what of a theologian. I do not see online dating as inherently good or evil. Online dating is just a venue of meeting others. A person can just as easily get their heart broken by dating someone from the singles group at church. Just as a person can get their heart broken by meeting someone at a dance club or bar. The venue itself is not inherently evil. The venue is just one source of meeting new people. Why did I make a POF profile? Well it is slim pickens at church for a woman that I find attractive or intellectual stimulating. Likewise, I work for a small law firm so meeting someone at work is unlikely. Likewise as a christian man, I don't think the women I would find at a club or bar as good candidates. Thus I try a new venue that introduces me to women I would not otherwise meet.

Stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Dating Older Woman But Cannot Figure Her Out Posted: 3/19/2009 5:02:04 PM
LOL Okay thanks for the feedback. 1) She has no kids. I have a daughter. Theoretically, I am busier. She tends to be on call more in the evening than I am, however. 2) About the POF profile. Yeah, well I made it very very clear in my first post (if you read it) that I was under no illusion that she is dating other people. I am dating other people. I know for a fact that she is dating other people. There is nothing exclusive here, yet. We've only been out a couple times. But I will say this, I talk to her least among those that I am currently talking to. That fact is what makes me question the situation. Thus. Why the post? Confused on whether it is a game or is she just busy. Perhaps there is no right answer other than to just talk to her about it. Which is what I was planning anyways. But as in real life, I always do my research. In life it is better to know the answer to the question (or a high probability what the answer is) before you ask it. And sometimes it is better to not ask the question at all.

Stogz828

Joined: 3/14/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Dating Older Woman But Cannot Figure Her Out Posted: 3/19/2009 11:57:44 AM
I'm currently dating a slightly older woman. (About 6 years older. She is 38 and I am 32 years old.) Nothing serious yet, since we have only been out on two dates. The third is planned this weekend. There is usually a week (7-9 days) between each date. We usually only talk about two-three times between dates. She is hard to read and I wonder if she is on a different set of dating rules. I usually date women that are younger, but I find her very refreshing. She is so tiny and petite that I almost forget that she is older than me. Again, my problem is that I cannot figure her out. I would say that she is not interested based off the fact that she is hard to get ahold of. I only call her about once every two days, but it is hit or miss on getting her. (I'm almost afraid to call since I know she is very, very busy.) Also, I like to send her a "how is your day" or "goodmorning" text message. Early on, she responded very quickly. Now she does not respond quickly or not at all. But ... Based off of our phone conversations, we have a real chemistry and enjoy chatting. Our dates have been really good. First date was rodeo/concert with my friends. We held hands by the end, and sorta kissed.) The second date was a romantic candle lit dinner at a popular restaurant in downtown. (She initiated a kiss twice.) When we are together, I can see her put a huge effort into being interested in me as we share stories about ourself. And she has initiated some physical contact; which has surprised me. Our first kiss was a surprise, because I leaned over to hug her and she started kissing me. I was totally cool and happy with it. Just surprised given we didn't talk much between dates, and I did not think she liked me that much. So I am debating on whether to drop her and move on since she is giving me mixed signals. (Not returning calls. Or not responding to text messages sometimes.) Or to see it through and keep asking her out and talking to her to see if it goes anywhere? I really like her and enjoy our time together, just confused by the communication level between dates. Also as a background. We are both working professionals. I am a tax attorney. She is a hospital administrator. We both have busy lives -- me in the legal field and her in the medical field. This is partly why I give her the benefit of the doubt on the communication level. And yet, there is no such thing as being too busy to text message someone back about their day. Likewise, at least for me, if I miss someone's call (especially someone I am interested in) I call them back as soon as I can. But on the other hand, she is almost 40 years old. (Turns 39 in a few months.) And it is possible that she is from an older school of thought that women do not call men -- ever. And playing coy on text messages is fine. Also, I am under no illusion: she is probably dating other people just like I have. I don't want to waste her time or mine, when we could move on to other prospects. This is very early in the dating cycle and no talk of exclusivity has been made. (Although I am wondering if we should talk about that and let her know where she stands with me.) So over all I am very confused and it might just be that my dating experience has been totally different. Simply stated: does she like me or not? When she never calls, and sometimes does not respond to my texts, it tells me she is not interested. But when we do talk we have great conversation and our dates have been really good. Thoughts?

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