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minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 52 (view)

The Victim Posted: 9/25/2009 11:36:26 AM
There's been some very good replies on here. As others have already said it depends on the person. Ok if they are not frequent victims, just want some advice or just want to vent a bit. A but of sympathy or empathy isn't going to harm in these instances. It's just a bit of moral support and soon they bounce back to their usual selves again. I understand some prefer the forums due to the anonymity if it's not a serious issue. If it is a serious issue then it's much better to opt for professional counselling rather than a bunch of strangers. Some do have a lot of good advice but if that person is on the edge already, a wrong comment could send them spiralling. Not ok if they are the type of person who does enjoy being the victim. And there are people like this around. Not everyone as balanced as we would like. For the people closest to those 'victims' it can be a real emotional drain. Some 'vicitims' just seem to go back for more abuse and can't break the cycle. Other 'victims' just like attention & will make themselves out as the injured party in any situation. They refuse to take personal responsibility.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

3rd Peak District Walk - 3rd October 2009 Posted: 9/23/2009 5:14:18 AM
This one is much closer to me & I really sooo want to come. Unfortunately can't make it as my leg is in a cast.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 62 (view)

Selection strategies Posted: 9/23/2009 5:09:52 AM
Unfortunately chemistry can't be forced. You could have lots in common but if you don't have that elusive spark then he's not going to rock your boat. I'm afraid the only way of finding if there is chemistry is meeting in person. The meets are a good, especially if it's an activity. I went to my first one this weekend & really enjoyed myself.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

people with heavier thighs are less likely to suffer from heart problems Posted: 9/23/2009 4:49:42 AM
Hmm, I'm not an apple or a pear!! Can I be a pineapple? Well I have low blood pressure. Which isn't always good because when I'm feeling run down I can have dizzy spells. My thighs in comparison with the rest of my body is chunky...yep I have chunky thighs. Whether or not they're heavy....I'm not sure how to just weigh them alone. My left leg is in a cast at the moment & am using my right leg a lot. Have a horrible feeling I'm going to end up with a super sculpted right leg & a awful weak left leg.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 67 (view)

MSN Posted: 9/23/2009 4:40:07 AM
If you meet a girl in a bar, do you ask if she fancies a shag before finding out her name? Hmm, I'm sure some will come out with 'hey babes, fancy a shag?' so in answer to your question is yes some won't bother with a name.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

Dancing Strictly for poofs Posted: 9/23/2009 4:38:12 AM
Strictly come dancing ROCKS. The latin are my favourites. I can understand why there is this view that men who can dance are poofs. The make up, the clothes etc. For me I find a man who can dance to be very sexy. If they show rhythm on the dance floor, I'm hoping they have good rhythm in other areas of their lives As someone has said, some of the professional dancers are like peac0cks..showing themselves off. As for Brendan Cole....way to arrogant for my likeing but I still enjoy watching him dance.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 65 (view)

MSN Posted: 9/23/2009 4:25:03 AM
After numerous mails on pof I have been asked to switch to msn for ease. Now, once this is done things suddenly change, and guys who seemed nice, funny, mature, sincere and interested here become completely sex focused Think of msn as a tool. It shows their true personality and their motives. At least then you know & have the option of blocking. Am I oversensitive or is this part of the whole dating package now??? No it isn't if you don't want it to be. Does agreeing to switch to msn simply get read as Im up for sleaze?? Not it doesn't. Some men are bound to try. It's cheaper for them compared to those phone sex lines.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 66 (view)

How often do you purchase new underwear? Posted: 9/23/2009 4:16:28 AM
Women will look at your face, then their eyes go down to the package.....and back to the face. Sh1t, was I that obvious?! Note to self...must wait for man to turn his back & just check out his bum. Every few months I'll buy new underwear.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 70 (view)

Anyone here with arthritis? Or swine flu? Posted: 9/23/2009 4:09:50 AM
Nope I haven't but years ago did know a girl who ended up with very painful arthritis following a bout of flu. She was bedbound for a while.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 112 (view)

Talking about accents and voices Posted: 9/23/2009 3:21:57 AM
This reminds me of David Beckham. He looks good but as soon as he opens his mouth & speaks or rather squeaks, it's update - didn't read whole thread but looks like others have same opinion of Beckhams voice. I've not met anyone yet who purely for the sound of his voice that's made me run the other way. However, I did meet someone who had some sort of accent & I really struggled to understand what he was saying.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

Loneliness!!!! Posted: 9/21/2009 7:41:21 AM
Hello Capricornkadis I had an accident on Saturday playing a game called Kabaddi! My leg is in a cast & I've been signed off for 8 weeks...yes 8 very long weeks. I can't say I'm at the loniness stage but it possibly will come. What I'm struggling with is how I'm going to sit still & not get bored. Completely empathise with you. Well have to somehow keep each other company online, how's that sound to you? :) Email me if you just want a chat & someone to vent to xxxx

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

First meet at home Posted: 9/12/2009 1:55:59 PM
I know a guy who brings his young kids to early dates I had a date with someone who bought child along. I was in shock when I saw them both as he never mentioned it beforehand. Upon meeting he asked me where my son was!!!! Back to the post.....like most people have said if they want to have a first date round yours then they are expecting to have sex. I wouldn't give anyone my home address. Even though they may just be a gent & wanting to pick the lady up from her house, I'd hope they would understand the reason why I'd prefer to meet them in a public place. Also first meets/dates are probably best if it's just a drink. Then if there's no chemistry, you don't have to sit though dinner wolfing down your meal before escaping.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

WALK #2 Derwent Dams Walk * 12 September * 2009 Posted: 9/11/2009 6:04:26 AM
I've only just googled for directions & now realise how far from Derby it is. I'm off out tonight & it's going to be a late one so unfortunately this time can't make it :(. You lot enjoy the walk & next time if you have one a bit closer will see you all then. Have fun.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

WALK #2 Derwent Dams Walk * 12 September * 2009 Posted: 9/10/2009 12:45:06 PM
Looks like the sun's going to be shining this weekend Am wondering if it will be alright to wear my flip flops instead of walking boots, what's the walk like? Hilly or pretty flat? Also my first pof meet so might be a bit shy.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 62 (view)

visible tattoos, opinions? Posted: 9/9/2009 2:10:29 PM
has it become an accepted look? Yes it has, possibly due to celebrities. Have noticed recently quite a few people with stars not just one but a few stars tattoos. Personally tattoos aren't my thing.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

Whose type are you, do you attract a type? Posted: 9/9/2009 2:07:19 PM
I seem to attract all sorts & age range wise there's no pattern. Ranged from an 18 year old right up to someone late forties. That's why I've highlighted in my profile that I'm looking for someone around my age. Honestly, what would I have in common with an 18 year old....as for the older gentlemen, sorry but you just don't do it for me.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Should the teacher or head sort this out? Posted: 9/9/2009 1:54:54 PM
The issue is the parent went directly to my son with both his son's in tow so this is far more serious in my eyes. What is your impression? This parent should not have questioned your son this way. He should have spoke to both you & his son if he felt the school wasn't doing enough. If I was you I would approach this parent & tell him that you would have prefered if he spoke to you & that is not acceptable for him to question your son without you or teacher being present.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

When does noticing become perving??! Posted: 9/7/2009 11:29:43 AM
Just out of interest, were the builders fit or no? If they were super hot, would you have reached for your cardigan?

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Do most women tell the man they are with that their penis is big just to ego trip them ? Posted: 9/7/2009 11:22:30 AM
I'd rather be massaging something other than their ego

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Bungee jumping, hot air ballooning etc. Posted: 9/6/2009 2:19:08 PM
On my profile I do mention preference to a bungee over karoke but am happy to settle for a coffee. And in reality yes coffee, drink or walk for a first date is best.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 57 (view)

Giving up on your marriage doesn't mean giving up on your kids too Posted: 9/6/2009 2:13:36 PM
My mum was very bitter about my dad wanting a divorce. They had a volatile & had the occasional physical fight. There are 3 incidences of their fights which are still pretty clear in my mind. When my mum told me in a huff that dad wanted to divorce her, my reaction was good. Even at the age of 12 I could see it was the right thing for them to do. During the divorce my mum told me & my sister that we as children may need to go to court. She 'told' us that we had to tell the judge that we wanted to live with her. She didn't ask us what we wanted. Years later my sister told me that our dad wanted custody of me. The reason was being the oldest, I would be useful to him in the take away. Whether this is true or not, I have no idea. It was my mum who told my sister this. For various reasons my dad moved down to Cornwall with his new younger wife. Initially after my own divorce, my son's dad had a lot of contact with our son & would see him on a daily basis. He did play a bit part of his life & could pretty much see him whenever he wanted to. Although our relationship hadn't worked out & I no longer loved him, I could see he was a good father & our son idolised him. Even after my son's father moved down to Norfolk, he would make the effort to see our son & have him during the school holidays. Unfortunatly, over the years gradually his contact has become less & less. I have never stopped him from seeing our son but did have rules that he had to be back home at a reasonable time if it was a school night. If he's not rang or seen his son for a long period of time, I will phone him & give him a ear full. This results in him phoning daily for about a week. Once he even promised to take our son out. He rang up to say he was on his way, then when he turned up on the doorstep, he dropped of some of our son's belongings which he'd left last time he was there & told my son that he couldn't take him out after all. Needless to say, my baby was upset. He tried to not show it but when I gave him a hug he just burst into . It broke my heart to see him so upset.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

Men Cooking = Brownie Points? Posted: 9/5/2009 4:08:48 PM
Actually yes I would prefer a man who can cook a decent meal. Yes decent is the right word, not just reheat in the microwave or whack something on the bbq & incinerate it. It's not just for the romantic side. I am one of those who tends to think if a man can cook he is more self sufficient than someone who can't. I prefer people who are self sufficient and able to look after themselves.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 85 (view)

blockers should be simultaneously blocked Posted: 9/5/2009 3:56:50 PM
A feature like this would at least prevent the situation I've twice encountered where somebody has blocked me w/o realizing it. I'm 90% sure this has happened, since in both cases the person sends an initial email, I reply, I get a response and am blocked -- despite just casual conversation. I admit the first bit isn't TOO out of the ordinary, but I continue every couple months to get emails from this person "hey haven't talked to you in a while how are you" or some such thing. Of course, they haven't heard from me since they've blocked me, but it seems their unaware. If they never intentionally block people they wouldn't think to check their blocklist. Yes this happened to me right after he asked me to meet up & I thought it was really odd for him to have blocked me. But I couldn't contact him to let him know. It was very frustrating. Have also just been blocked by someone who I'd replied with 'no thanks, all the best'. He then replied with 'good luck you need it with'. So I wanted to ask him what he meant but he'd blocked me. I've also not been able to create a new thread & not sure if its something to do with being blocked by someone!!

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

is it wrong? my friend slept with her ex the other night purely for the fact that he's with someone else Posted: 9/5/2009 2:40:13 PM
It takes two to tango and seeing as he's with someone else, they're both in the wrong. You've also got to let you friend make her own choices. I can understand if you're worried that she's going to end up hurting herself more but at the end of the day it's down to her how she decides to deal with her ex. As a friend just be there to provide her with support when she needs it.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

WALK #2 Derwent Dams Walk * 12 September * 2009 Posted: 9/5/2009 2:16:09 PM
Is anyone going from Derby? I don't mind driving but just don't know my way there or if someone else prefers to drive, I'd be happy contribute to petrol money.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 178 (view)

Profile Preference Of Colour ! Posted: 9/2/2009 1:39:22 PM
Feels like I'm watching tennis......... looks like the lastest on centre court are macforty & sarcastic spice. Who's got the stronger serve? And where's my strawberries & cream?

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 160 (view)

Profile Preference Of Colour ! Posted: 9/1/2009 1:32:11 PM
I've been contacted by men who have stated either on their profile or in their email that they prefer asian women. In the past, it has put me off getting to know them better. The reason for this is that I'd like to think they want to get to know me & like me as a person, not for the colour of my skin. From reading this thread & other threads, it does seem it's down to personal preference. I'm sure there are men who don't date chinese women as well, that doesn't bother me. These threads have taught me not to read too much when a guy tells me he likes asian women. If I like the look of him (yes I'm shallow) plus there's something in his written profile that I like then I should get to know him. I don't have any preference with regards to what race a man is but I do like my men to be taller than me & I don't do overweight.....if that makes me shallow & a fatist then so be it. It is funny that the non whites on this thread are pretty chilled out about this stuff. It does seem that a few whites are the ones bickering about it. I find it quite fascinating & hilarious at the same time.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

Booze Asbo !! Posted: 9/1/2009 1:12:03 PM
Years ago it was socially acceptable to drink & drive. Nowdays it's not & that has been down to re-educating people. Letting them see the possible devastations caused by drink driving. Binge drinking & the people who cause mayhem on a Friday & Saturday night don't see that they are doing anyone any harm. It's the social norm for them. Most of their friends are out there doing the same. So there's also the peer pressure to keep up. Would it be better rather than ASBO's that we put those people on some sort of course? Show them images of what happens to their bodies with constant drinking.?Show them recordings of a real person who has had their life changed due to a drink induced incident? This could even be the deceased families. Show a recording of someone who after a night of boozing was raped or stabbed. And also to start educating them in schools. As for fines....they are quite happy to throw up over £50 worth of drink...is another £50 going to put them off?

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 37 (view)

Divine Justice......Does it exist? Posted: 9/1/2009 12:57:22 PM
Once upon a time many years ago when I was a young girl, I watched a fair few chinese soaps & films (all fictional). The Chinese version of karma is as follows: If you're a good person then you will be rewarded in the next life. ie you can be a pauper in this life but if you're good, in your next life you will could be someone who has a fairly good standard of living. If you've been a saint in this life then not only will you be rewarded in your next life, but your descendants may also benefit eg. they may win the lottery or become a scholar. If you've been a bad person then in your next life, you may not even be human. You could be reincarnated as a pig! If you've been an evil person then you may not even get reincarnated or could be reincarnated as a worm. Unfortunately again, your descendants may be punished for your actions. All of the above is fictional & is not to be taken seriously......just cr4p tv Right so after being forced to watch so much junk, do I believe in Karma? I would like to believe what goes around comes around...but I'm not so sure that it does exist.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Erotic chatting between the two of you Posted: 8/31/2009 10:49:00 AM
Once a relationship has been established then yes. It can be great fun, you could even say it's a bit like foreplay. Builds up the excitement before the real fun begins. If it's from someone who I barely know & am still in the very early stages of dating him, then it would be 'no thanks, bye'.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 142 (view)

Who is in the wrong? Affairs within Marriage Posted: 8/30/2009 4:02:45 AM
1) Is the married person solely in the wrong? If so, why? I'd say the married person is certainly in the wrong. They entered a vow with their other half & have broken that vow. If there were problems in their marriage they should have tried to sort things out. By having an affair isn't going to solve anything, it will only make matters worse and cause a lot more heartache in the long run. If things aren't working in the marriage, they should at least finish things there before heading to sleep with someone else. 2) Is the single person solely in the wrong? If so, why? It's difficult to make my mind up on this one. They are single & not tied to any commitment. So on one hand I want to say the single person isn't in the wrong at all. After all they are free to do what they want. However, what about the possible hurt they may cause by sleeping with a married person? This being the married person's other half & any children the married couple may have. Sorry can't decide!

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 71 (view)

Can you cook a decent meal? Posted: 8/30/2009 3:41:15 AM
I've heard of a flavour enhancer called MSG which Chinese restaurants use to enhance the taste of their food. I'm currently trying to get hold of some MSG is an artificial flavour enhancer. Some chinese people refuse to use it in home cooking. It doesn't bother me, a tiny bit can't hurt. Try a local chinese supermarket. Or as an alternative try Knorr chicken stock granules. It comes in a small tin so keeps for ages. Just add a little to your food & see what you think.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

Why so many fakes? Posted: 8/30/2009 3:36:33 AM
It is very sad indeed. I went on a date with this guy from this site and his main photo was taken about 10/15 years ago! He was also nearer 5ft 5 rather than 5ft 10 he'd stated. HELLO I may need contacts to see but did he really think I wouldn't notice. Don't get me wrong he turned out to be quite a nice person but I think he must have a magic mirror at home.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Do women and men speak the same language? Posted: 8/30/2009 3:31:16 AM
That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay," means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. I daren't say anything in case it's taken the wrong way You do realise some men will completely believe what you say

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

Can you cook a decent meal? Posted: 8/28/2009 5:03:57 PM
if you had time to cook a special meal what would it be? Succulent corn fed chicken with a ginger & spring onion dip Whole king prawns with a soy, chilli & sesame dip Stir fried chinese vegetables in oyster sauce Boiled rice

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Read but not deleted Posted: 8/28/2009 4:48:40 PM
Or it could be that they are already emailing a guy & wants to see how things go with him. Something in your email/profile has caught their eye so that's why they haven't deleted your email. If things don't work out with the other guy, they may reply....ie saving you. Hope that makes sense. Don't take things to heart, just move on to the next woman's profile who you find interesting.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 564 (view)

Do women cook anymore?? Posted: 8/28/2009 3:12:32 PM
I'm a whizz at flat packs so do you want to make the ham sandwich Joking aside, I can cook & do enjoy it when I have the time to. Plus home cooked food tastes so much better than any ready meal.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 264 (view)

love and weight gain Posted: 8/28/2009 3:10:40 PM
If I was in love with them, I'd like to think yes I would stay with them. In reality, I'm not so sure. Call me shallow if you wish, it's unlikely I fell in love with them purely for their personality. Physical attraction also plays a large part. I think I'd need to look at the reasons for the weight gain & whether or not he was willing to do something about it.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

I know very many things in life are really subjective, but ... Posted: 8/28/2009 2:42:47 PM
When a man tells me he's only recently single, it does put me off somewhat. The reason is for most people, it takes time to get over a relationship & be emotionally available. Now the financial side doesn't worry me as long as he's not expecting me to support him. I'm quite independent & am very capable at providing for me & my son. If it's someone who I've been with for a long time & for whatever reason he has financial difficulty then I would be happy to support him.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 76 (view)

Did you expect to be single this late in life? Posted: 8/28/2009 2:22:47 PM
To all those between 30-40 do you think you ever be in a relationship again? Yes I am hoping I will be in a relationship again otherwise why would I be on pof! If you are still single by the time you are 45 will you wonder what happened? I don't know until I get there. Also you never know what life is going to throw at you. Best thing is go with the flow & enjoy life as much as possible. Being with someone isn't the be all and end all. I'd rather be happily single than be with someone who wasn't right for me. It would be great to have the fairy tale & meet the one to live happily ever after with.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Woman found 18 years after she was abducted. Posted: 8/28/2009 2:09:57 PM
Yes I agree that too much time has lapsed for them to return to normal. It made my blood run cold when I watched it on the news. How sick can some people be? And how do you recover from something like this which has gone on for 18 years. I just hope they somehow recover as best they can. My heart goes out to them. Although there's the joy of her being found, it's now going to be a long & painful process for all involved.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 50 (view)

Is sat nav dumbing down? Posted: 8/27/2009 7:23:41 AM
My job involves quite a bit of driving. When I first started, another girl also started at the same time. Her boyfriend bought her a sat nav & I just stuck to a map. However, now more than 6 months down the line, I can find my way round fairly well. Where as my colleague struggles without her sat nav. Don't get me wrong, sat nav has it's uses & if you don't drive to a certain area much sat nav is a great tool.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Why daren't I share my opinion? Posted: 8/26/2009 3:27:02 PM
Hello Fluffyr Do you find it difficult to express your opinions around your friends? Or with acquaintances? Or is it just on these forums?

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 70 (view)

Is excitment a thing of the past when we are in our 40s plus? Posted: 8/26/2009 2:31:59 PM
Hope not but I'll tell you in 5 years time

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

No more Big Brother Posted: 8/26/2009 2:28:44 PM
It's finished?

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Children asking for a pet. Posted: 8/26/2009 2:19:12 PM
Hampsters are really cute. I wouldn't bother with a dog if you're out the house for a large part of the day plus they're harder to find someone to look after one if you decide to go away.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

Is it just me that people give away their past experiences in their profile by the type of person they are asking for? Posted: 8/26/2009 2:14:36 PM
OP so going by what you've posted & what's in your profile.....you must have lots of bad experiences!

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Most Overrated Destinations Posted: 8/23/2009 10:58:02 AM
Paris because of the people, they look down their noses at you. Ok so we looked a bit scruffy going into this restaurant but we had been sightseeing (contributing to their economy) all day. We waited an ages for them to come to our table to take our order & in the end walked out. They made it really clear they did not want out business. It wasn't even a fancy restaurant!

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Thoughts on self taken pics....... Posted: 8/23/2009 10:12:10 AM
I'm about the most unphotogenic person on Earth In that case self taken pics are not good if you're not photogenic. I know as I don't take a good phot. Tends to be a bit better in a social setting where you're having fun & more relaxed.

minika

Joined: 3/15/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

So...um...Where are we going? Posted: 8/23/2009 10:06:53 AM
How about ice skating, roller skating or laser quasar if you have it over in the US. Sounds like an activity would be the ideal ice breaker & maybe get her to loosen up a bit.

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