I have zero experience with older men. chat & forums.

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ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 83 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/19/2009 6:00:58 PM
I didn’t think your response ("none of us are what we used to be") was lame at all. He was being off-hand about it, a bit cliché, so why not respond in kind. It's a place to start. Better than being too solicitous. As for later, sometimes the best reassurance is to treat him like he didn’t need any. Ever have someone come up to you before a big performance and say “Gee, you look nervous”? Not helpful. Treating it like a big worrisome thing makes it so. Better to carry on enjoying the moment, get past the ‘getting familiar” stage, see how things go. And if getting past the condom stage is an eventual goal, that’ll make things easier and better too. I get that you don’t want to say or do the wrong thing in the meantime. But you won’t, specially if lighten up on your good self about the whole thing. Trust that you’ll know how to respond if and when the time comes.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

Commitment, a unique or generalized pledge? Posted: 11/19/2009 12:28:37 PM
Nice thread title. I used to view commitment as a generalized thing. We were a couple, an item, a pair. And each had our assumptions about what that meant, and based our various expectations of each other on those assumptions. Now, when I read or hear the word commitment un-accompanied by specifics, my eyes roll back into my head. I still enter into unspoken commitments and assumptions (we’ll both show up on time, clean and dressed, and treat each other kindly), but much beyond that I prefer that we make our agreements line-by-line… Do you want to know about my other involvements on POF, would you like to talk about protecting each other’s health, would you like to reserve Saturday nights, would you like to be exclusive, would you like to share vacations, would you like to meet my mother, would you like me to take out the garbage, would you like to be the executor of my will… you know, first date stuff.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Having multiple partners just because one is bisexual... Kind of weird but.. Posted: 11/13/2009 11:48:14 PM
I have had a number of friends both male and female over the years who identified themselves as heterosexual and not one of them was monogamous either.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Sexually Inadequate??? Posted: 11/13/2009 10:46:44 AM
am inclined to say that there is nothing wrong with me whatsoever… just because a woman does not cum over and over again does not mean that we are not having the time of our lives. :) Well said and duly noted!

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

do ladies get turned on by strong hands and fingers.. Posted: 11/12/2009 7:14:18 PM
I'm sure there are some women who like strong hands as opposed to sensitive hands. I've known a few who appreciated sensitive hands… and strong hands can be sensitive too. Hands can work hard and play soft.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

on-again, off-again Posted: 11/11/2009 9:34:23 PM
Many questions come to mind. Not to answer here – just questions I’d be asking if I was to sort through my feelings about it… how long had you been apart when this happened? And what changed his mind, to want to come back and try again? Did he mention the incident with the girl in a timely manner (assuming you learned of it from him)? Would it be different for you if she had been closer to his age, or your own? Or if he’d been sober? Do you believe if she’d been willing, he would have had sex with her? Or has he said he would have been willing? The thirteen year age gap is wide – hard to see that as a truly “peer” relationship at her age. But I can understand the temptation - booze and a twenty-one year old girl… a heady mix, to be sure. Would there be a way to talk about it that wouldn’t make him defensive or make him feel guilty? I think talking to him about it is better than just “getting over it.” Trying to pretend it never happened is a recipe for chaos. Maybe you’re concerned that his behavior reflects on the soundness of his judgment, or his character? Or on the sincerity and depth of his feelings for you? All worthy of further reflection, I think. I hope things work out for you.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 500 (view)

What is your favorite type of sex? Posted: 11/10/2009 11:52:50 PM
Nothing to add. I just liked the neighbourhood (^^^) OK, my fav is the sex that doesn’t really have a beginning or an end.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Why do people think its acceptable to tell you its not your fault? Posted: 11/7/2009 7:22:46 PM
If we were together for even a month or two and she ended it without explanation, I would feel frustrated with the lack of communication. But there may have been reasons that have nothing to do with you – he may have wanted a short-term relationship with someone right from the start. He may have met someone else. Or he may have decided he wasn’t ready to be in a relationsip after all. Maybe he just wanted some steady sex for a while. Or the feeling of connecting with someone, if only temporarily. It’s only human nature to wonder what happened. And walking away without a word of explanation seems a bit poor to me. I guess he wasn’t comfortable talking about it. To answer your question – why do people think it’s OK to leave like that? They probably don’t. Maybe they just don’t know how to do it any other way. But really, some things are just completely un-knowable… and this may be one.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 59 (view)

WSRFR Asked a good question, Can men and women be friends 'after' having sex? Posted: 11/3/2009 8:34:11 PM
In my experience, yes. Depends on the emotional tone of the relationship and the meaning they attach to the sex. Maybe not possible if one of them needs to be loved by the other or to possess them.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Care for you vs Care about you Posted: 11/3/2009 8:24:01 PM
I think there can be a subtle difference, depending on context and inflection. Caring about expresses concern for the well-being of another. To care for shows a more active interest, maybe a personal longing or desire?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Organ donation - Opt-in or Opt-out? Posted: 11/3/2009 8:06:57 PM
steno: I wonder how many times organs can be donated? I think it depends on compatibility between donor and recipient.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 111 (view)

Are all men potential rapists? Posted: 10/31/2009 10:05:42 PM
^^^ …non-rapists being grouped with rapists because of their gender… women being passed up for promotions/good jobs… The latter is not even a fraction as bad as the former… The latter affected entire generations of women. The former is rhetorical. It will pass.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Odd man friend behavior Posted: 10/31/2009 9:32:15 PM
Magic eight ball says he’s torn between his feelings for you and the risk of compromising the friendship. Ya musta laid down some baaad juju!

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Still friends? Should they be? Posted: 10/31/2009 9:15:37 PM
Guy finishes with "Still friends?" So, what do you think her answer should be to that? “Sure, still friends. Besta luck to ya. Bye.”

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Odd man friend behavior Posted: 10/31/2009 8:27:25 PM
…just standing their looking into each other's eyes, with these huge grins on our faces… I wouldn’t trade away moments like that either. Something between you two is alive!

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 110 (view)

What are you reading? Posted: 10/31/2009 6:47:53 PM
Diary of a Wimpy Kid

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 95 (view)

Robot lovers - yes or no? Posted: 10/27/2009 6:53:35 PM
Yes, I’d do it, at least for a while. Mine would be the consummate dinner companion, brilliant conversationalist and avid listener, with an insatiable curiosity for the human experience. We’d talk about hopes and dreams and fears and getting old, and love and John Coltrane and smoking cigarettes, and sex and death and loss, and sadness, loneliness and doubt. Or rather, I’d talk about it. My companion would listen to me with rapt attention and commit everything to memory and ask insightful questions, and gradually become more life-like, even pointing out my foolish inconsistencies. With patience. Are they allowed to have patience?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

Hmmmm Posted: 10/24/2009 8:24:09 AM
frivolous, yet trivial?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 101 (view)

Is it possible for men to flirt Posted: 10/23/2009 11:55:54 PM
But I guess the thing I really want to know is what is the purpose of flirting? Perhaps it’s a vehicle for self-expression, ma’am? a way to be playful, a way to interact, to convey interest, to express attraction? Perhaps a way to create something out of nothing, a moment of beauty made with wit and words and good will? a gesture, a feeling shared? The same purpose as a beautiful flower on a hat, or a skirt covered in pretty valentines? – the joy of being alive?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Let me try it again -- Posted: 10/23/2009 10:58:19 PM
hmm… didn't we just have a thread about this topic? i visited her sometime last year… so, that's about ten months ago at least… what's happened since then? No further clarification of her intentions? Maybe it's a dead issue?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Why do men with kids respond to my ad? Posted: 10/23/2009 10:29:32 PM
I’d like to share an observation with you. Your experience has much in common with others I’ve read of in the forums over the last few years. For some reason, when a woman’s profile says she wants no players, she gets players. When she wants no liars, cheaters, married men, alcoholics or abusers, what she gets is liars, cheaters, married men, etc. Not in every instance, probably, but often enough for the pattern to emerge. Maybe if you find a way to address your profile to the man you do want, rather than the many men you don’t, he will have a better chance of hearing you call. But I would recommend you visit the Profile Review forum and ask for some feedback there. I think you’ll get some good advice and probably get much better results.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Dating again after relationship ending Posted: 10/23/2009 10:13:40 PM
I'm having difficulty reading signs and finding the right things to say and do when I'm out. There are no right things to say or do. But I imagine you may not be feeling so light-hearted and convivial these days, and the small talk and the social gestures don’t come as readily as they did. A loss of a fiance is huge. Everything you enjoyed together, the future as you imagined it would be, even your sense of yourself as the man you viewed yourself to be – if I were in your position I think I’d be quite shaken. I would suggest you take things slowly, a step at a time. See how you feel. I think we’d all like to be people who are fun and enjoyable to be around. And there are times when we don’t feel like we’re much fun. I guess you’ll figure out what to do if or when that happens. We don’t get a lot of guidance about self-care, us men; I suspect Aussie men are no exception. But I think it’s OK to put aside a little time for yourself, cut yourself some slack. It may be harder to trust others for a while, or to trust your own judgment. You may be feeling cautious. Time is a healer, they say. You will feel like yourself again. Though not exactly the same, necessarily. Wiser, probably. G’luck.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 43 (view)

Are all men potential rapists? Posted: 10/21/2009 10:31:41 PM
Miss Dweebles was right. I'm failing to live up to my potential.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 48 (view)

Phone etiquette Posted: 10/17/2009 10:02:50 PM
I think you should have the talk first… about whether you intend to be monophonous.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Keeping Her Happy? Posted: 10/16/2009 9:14:44 PM
… a cawk-ring will increase your girth a little, and may help stave off orgasm too. Use with care…

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Is is wrong to tell? Posted: 10/15/2009 1:08:54 PM
Right and wrong, good guys and bad guys… I guess that’s one way to look at the world. Just bear in mind that people don’t always agree about where those lines are drawn. I prefer to look at consequences of my actions – are they helpful, harmful? do they get me what I want? do they hurt other people? If (for example) your friend doesn’t want you to develop a deeper emotional involvement with him, what would a “good guy” do? Would he stay, enjoy the company for now, knowing he would never reciprocate your feelings? That doesn’t seem entirely “right” to me. By telling him how you feel, he will be able to conduct himself accordingly - even though you might not be happy with his decision. As for giving up, you sound frustrated and discouraged. Perhaps your efforts are not yielding the rewards you had hoped for. Remember, you too have a choice in the matter; you too can make decisions here – about what’s best for you. If he cannot reciprocate your feelings, you may choose to end the relationship and look elsewhere. Or you may decide it's OK for now, and choose to be content and continue as you have been. Or you may enjoy him as an occasional sexual companion and continue to look for something more fulfilling emotionally. Or any number of other choices available to you. Including giving up, if that’s what’s best.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

is this just a womans thing or men do it also? Posted: 10/14/2009 8:35:04 PM
a mother/daughter are dating a father/son (males, right?)… and you’re asking if men do this too? (better sit down for this)

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

FWB: Mans view vs. a Womans Posted: 10/13/2009 11:20:12 AM
Grant me the vision to look at life through a window, not a mirror… and enough humility to know the difference.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 308 (view)

WHY R OLDER GUYS SO SEXY???????? Posted: 10/9/2009 11:18:14 PM
Dunno why we’re so sexy (didn’t really know we were). Maybe we have less to prove, some of the edge has softened a bit. It gets easier to enjoy women when you don’t need them so much. And when you look a fifty-ish woman in the eye and see the young girl in her still there, that’s nice. We round the bases a little slower than we used to (some of us) and if a woman likes that, I guess that’s sexy. There’s more time and space to let things be, to let things unfold. There’s less need to direct things, define things, less need for things to turn out as expected, maybe a little more playfulness, more laughter…

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy? Posted: 10/7/2009 3:06:31 PM
^^^ Well, I was struck by at least one other possible inference – that men who readily self-disclose are self-absorbed and have huge egos. But I’m not sure I understand the main thrust of the argument here. Is it that men who avoid self-disclosure at all costs do so as a matter of personal ethics? A contrasting theory has it that we (men and women) avoid the vulnerability of self-disclosure because expressing the truth of our feelings (perhaps even to ourselves) could expose the ego and self to the pain of possible rejection, embarrassment, disapproval, etc.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

What Are the Fundamental Tools of Building Emotional and Mental Intimacy? Posted: 10/6/2009 10:03:49 AM
Telling the truth (or at least having a capacity to be reasonably truthful) …to one’s self, about one’s self. That is a basic building block of mental and emotional intimacy with one’s self. Without that, intimacy with others is impossible. And then accepting that truth about one’s self and embracing one’s self, fully and without shame… that, I think, is one of the basic conditions of true intimacy with another. With that, we can stand in front of another and be our true selves, without armor, without defensiveness, without hiding. And we can accept all the flaws and weakness in the other (and their strengths!), and accept all of them, the complete person. And they, having told that same emotional truth to themselves, and having that same emotional intimacy with themselves, have no need to hide their selves from us.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

What does that mean? Posted: 10/4/2009 7:06:47 AM
mysteriosa/Msg: 17: “Depends on the context he's using it. If he's saying he won't put any pressure on a woman on a date that is different to him not wanting any pressure.” Yes, that’s the key distinction to be made here. jonnymac1963/Msg: “Several women that I have dated from this site have told me that most guys they meet on here start pressuring them for a sex obligation…” They’ve told me the same. I think “no pressure” is a way to reassure women verbally that that won’t happen. There are other ways. I think the "begin as you intend to go" philosophy works nicely here.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 58 (view)

Trying to work through my feelings on casual sex Posted: 10/1/2009 8:06:54 AM
Dumpling-Girl/Msg: 57, You’ve put words to my thoughts exactly. An attitude of respect, appreciation, sex as a healthy part of life, treating others as fully human in all interactions, whether sexual or not… extraordinarily well said! Thank-you!

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

She asks: What do you hope to find? Posted: 9/30/2009 7:41:49 AM
I think it’s a wonderful question, one that makes me think. I don’t have a ready answer – not a comprehensive, all-inclusive one anyway. But if asked, I’d go with the moment and say “I hope to find a woman who asks questons like this. I hope to find… a little conversation over dinner, a walk or hike, a concert or museum, a get-together with friends living side-by-side, sharing ordinary days, work, children, meals, sleeping and rising, doing laundry, working in the garden I’d like to do that with a woman who sees my “hopes to find” as well as her own wants and needs as dynamic and changing and growing as long as we’re together, as long as we’re alive someone who is willing to explore those possibilities, who is interested in a “relating” relationship, who is vitally interested in her own process of self-discovery and in the discovery of another in intimate relationship and the follow-up to “what do you hope to find?” is “what do we wish to create?” because the relationship isn't “out there” waiting to be found – we will create it, by our choices, day by day

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Trying to work through my feelings on casual sex Posted: 9/29/2009 5:31:33 AM
OP: I posted here because often I find that it helps to work through tough questions with others rather than simply come to one's own conclusions in isolation. This is a good place to ask tough questions – fire away.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

How did people date in the b4 the net? Posted: 9/27/2009 9:40:06 PM
People used to actually talk and meet in person b4 the internet was born .... People still do talk and meet in person. Now they're here to find someone they’d like to do that with.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

could do with some advice Posted: 9/27/2009 9:07:02 PM
op left the building nearly two weeks ago let's put this one to bed, shall we?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 87 (view)

Are men shallow or just cold hearted? Posted: 9/27/2009 8:48:04 PM
(I thought it was a pear)

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 56 (view)

Why do bisexual guys not want to admit it? Posted: 9/27/2009 7:40:44 PM
According to him people were either gay or straight and people claiming to be bi were only greedy perhaps they're more generous than the rest of us?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 185 (view)

Why do some men believe receiving anal from a female is a homosexual act? Do you like it? Posted: 9/24/2009 5:20:10 AM
That doesn't make you gay.What make one gay is having sex with the same sex. On a side-note, there are thousands of men and women who would take issue with the above statement, i.e., practicing homosexual behavior in jail/prison, then reverting back to heterosexuality on the outside…

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

When you walk let your heart lead the way Posted: 9/24/2009 4:54:15 AM
So, what are ways to stay emotionally open and trusting? One way to be more open to others is to be more open to our own feelings, to take note of how we’re feeling, to check in with how we’re doing in general or how we feel about something in particular or someone. And it is said that when we trust, we are really trusting ourselves. Though I don’t have a perfect grasp of what that means entirely, I think it’s about knowing that we’ll be OK, we’ll be able to take care of ourselves, we’ll deal with the strong and sometimes negative emotions that are stirred within us as we learn to face our vulnerabilities in day-to-day life and in close and intimate relationships with others. When we trust that we’ll be OK, when we know that we’ll take care of ourselves, then we can live more fully, more boldly – we can risk loving and being loved, knowing we won’t be overwhelmed with our own feelings in times of disappointment or elation. I think that accepting our vulnerability is a very big part of this. Treating the weak and imperfect parts of ourselves with compassion, "re-patriating" the parts of ourselves and our feelings that are lost and disowned and denied - I think this is imperative in living life from the heart. And I think many of us are almost instinctively drawn to others who live in this way and wish to have them in our lives. They give us permission to be whole and complete ourselves, imperfect, fallible, sometimes weak, rather than the fractured self-image of the ideal heroic self, always knowing, always strong, always charming, always in control.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

Tantra ... Kamasutra anyone? Posted: 9/22/2009 4:47:32 PM
^^^ Nope, just a wine marinade and then skewer

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 41 (view)

Are sideburns still in?? Posted: 9/20/2009 8:53:18 PM
maybe if you're one of the fathers of confederation or play rock-a-billy guitar otherwise not so much

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Ok I gotta ask why? Posted: 9/17/2009 10:54:25 PM
… the vast majority of gals around my age group want those jerks… what is so wrong with treating women with respect?” Are you sure you view “the vast majority of gals” with respect?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Pardon me? Posted: 9/13/2009 7:05:40 PM
they're after d-icks s'what I hear more fawk less tawk

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

if a guy says this... Posted: 9/13/2009 6:43:19 PM
I still see in her all the characteristics that I fell in love with, but as well the issues that broke us apart so getting back with her has never been a serious option". I’ve said those very words about an ex, probably more than one, maybe most of them. And it always meant I had reached “a good place” regarding the relationship. No pining about the good things, no bitterness about the bad. Just a place of balance and relative neutrality. With a clear hind-sight. Sometimes seeing the person sporadically is part of moving on. It can be a reminder of who and what that person is - a way of staying out of fantasy about them.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

How goes POF for you ? Posted: 9/8/2009 10:14:30 PM
Question means: – what gives? how are they biting? How’s the fishing? Any luck? How’s it going? Busy? Wanna chat? Got a full dance-card? And what’s a sweet dame like you doin’ in a joint like this? (got it?) Answer expected: – fine, thanks. Not bad, yourself? So many men, so little time. Was there something in my profile that interested you? Besides my cute little turned-up nose? How’s POF with you? new here? Is that a Lamborghini? are you one of my son's friends? (that sort of thing)

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

New Way Of Thinking Posted: 9/8/2009 6:54:28 PM
so then you would be ok with a woman you've met lying to you, hiding her other activities and then transmitting a std to you because she has slept around via a sex date website? …but I'm not you and maybe you are ok with being with women that could contract an std. Spinster, you’re attributing a position to Mr. Hastey that is clearly not his own. I wouldn't have expected that from a man of such high ideals.

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Is the average girl insecure? Posted: 9/7/2009 10:48:32 PM
If it had been a new freshman who asked that, I would definitely have answered their question since they don't know anything about how the system works. Wasn’t that the assignment? – to come up with hypothetical questions that first-year students might ask? Isn’t that what she did? First year students are inundated with new information and frequently overwhelmed. They’ll still need to hear some information repeated, including the prof’s announcements during class-time. So I think her hypothetical question may have been quite valid. Perhaps calling it obvious or pointless was a bit insensitive?

ohdriver

Joined: 3/22/2009

Msg: 162 (view)

Heterosexual sex is heterosexual. Posted: 9/7/2009 9:02:52 PM
^^^ perhaps you meant… I don't know any hetero guys who have told me they let their wives/girlfriends use dildos on them....? (*but do watch out for those wily womyn-folk. You let 'em tickle your bum and next thing ya know you own a pug named Cranston)

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