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~TrueBlood~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

P90X Posted: 4/28/2010 9:30:54 PM
I am on Phase 2 of P90X and the difference between when I started to now is fabulous! My strength has increased tremendously and I have to say following the eating plan, I feel great! I am so impressed with everything P90X has to offer. My progress is not 90 days and will be ongoing for some time to get the results I want, but so far it's going great.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Little things Posted: 4/23/2009 7:28:58 PM
OP don't listen to a childless man who will never experience the unconditional love of their child. I think what your son did was adorable and very sweet :) Those little things are what a lifetime of love is made up from, sad that some do not have that kind of love in their life. Once I found a little note in my lunch bag from my daughter when she was about 4 - I cried when I read it it touched my heart :) I have it framed now in my bedroom.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

How do you get used to wearing flip flops? Posted: 4/23/2009 5:42:00 PM
I hate flip flops - I find them uncomfortable, as they give zero support for my feet, and I don;t like how they feel between my toes. I do however love strappy sandals :)

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Young Mother Help Sites???? Posted: 4/23/2009 12:15:00 PM
Great post, always nice (although extremely rare) so see a young mother take initative and want to take financial accountability anbd responsbility :) For deals, look to Redflagdeals.ca - they have printable coupons, have on-line flyers for most stores. save.ca is a great coupon site where you select the coupons you want and they actualy mail them to you - free Only buy what is on sale and plan meals around those items - easy :) For budgeting, I would actually go to your bank and speak with a representative there. They can walk you through anything you need to know and provide assistance to you and aid in long-term goals. Most banking sites have on-line budget sheets and/or caluclators you can use. I have my own I made in Excel. I list all of my expenses on the left, the top columns have each pay period. I then plug in when everything is due, and thebalance at the end is what I have left. I then have similar sheets to track RRSPs and other savings, etc. By following a budget I always have money. If I run out before the next pay period, I know more is coming the next one. I am debt free and own my home, and raised my child alon for 11 years, travel on vacation twice a year, so I certainly know it can be done :) I do remember a few Kraft Dinner moments LOL For cooking, invest in a crockpot for $30. Seriously you can cook practically antthing in it (especially tougher cuts of meat whcih are always cheaper) and it comes out fabulous. parenting.com todaysparent There are tons! Always parent from your heart, every Mother's experience is different, they key is to make the moments count and know you are not just a mom, you are also a daughter, a woman, and like the saying goes "put on your own oxygen mask before you assist others" this too applies in life.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

previous stay at home moms Posted: 4/22/2009 9:25:48 PM
No you did not get it right, but appreciate you forum stalking and singling out my posts on this thread too. I support a parent's choice to stay at home with their child as long as they also accept financial responsibility for it and do not rely on the welfare system to support that choice. I have contempt for parents who choose to stay at home with their children and have the ability to support them but choose not to because others via the welfare system can do it for them. Child support is not a factor and I differentiate between receiving support and receiving welfare. However, if one is on welfare as a CHOICE I do take exception to that. I pay taxes which include a variety of things, social services being just one example. he very reason welfare exists in Canada, as far as stay-at-home parent is concerned, is to allow parent the choice to stay home. That is the entitlist statement which perpetuates one myth of the stereotype of a single parent. That is most certainly NOT the purpose of welfare. Welfare is temporary financial assistance until the recipient is able to be responsible for their own finances. It is NOT so lazy mothers can sit at home for 18 years and then spout how they have raised better kids then a working parent because they stayed home all day for that period. In return, a child is being taken care of in much tighter way, learns better values and ethics, and has much higher chances to get to higher studies, become a productive citizen, and eventually repay a lot more in taxes than what was spent on that family. What "values" does a child with a parent on welfare for 18 years learn? That there is always an easy way out? That as a productive member of society there is no need to contribute because they can rely on others to do it for them? A child on welfare certainly does NOT have a better chance of higher learning - they do however have a much greater risk of repeating the welfare cycle. The fact you can actually state that a child raised on welfare will most certainly make more financially then the combined total of the welfare received is completely untrue. I'm not going to continue with you two - your points have moved beyond ridiculous. One will continue to defend happily collecting welfare and having her ex pay for her to stay home and eat bon bons, while the other is a childless man who lurks in single parent forums pasting excerpts of psychology books as if it makes HIM look more intelligent. Made for each other.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Raising 2 while mom is at rehab for meth Posted: 4/21/2009 2:35:37 PM
Even at ages 2 and 4 they likely are aware something was wrong with their mother. I have never heard of Family Rehab - a concept I find truly awful. The addict belongs in rehab NOT the children- she could not parent as an addict, so I can NOT see how she could parent while in rehab. There are many therapies and counselling for the families of those addicted if required, I do not see any benefit to having kids alongside a painful and terrifying process. Talk about emotionally scarring them for life, bearing witness to that. When Mom is clean and sober, then the healing as a family unit can begin. You did the right thing for your kids having them be with you, they have probably seen and heard enough for a lifetime already and need stability and love. The mom not seeing her kids for 9 months is a small price to pay for her recovery - those kids were in a lot of danger in her care. If they ask, you state the truth in its simplest terms - your mom is sick and needs help to get better. Don't lie or sugarcoat - ie she is on vacation. Lying to the kids will not help HER when she comes out and she has to be accountable for her addiction and her actions while being addicted. I hope she gets the help she needs, and wants a better life - it was court ordered, not on her own volition, but I hope for the best for your kids. If she does not get clean, I'd make sure the kids NEVER were with her. Knowing what you have to lose can be a great motivator for addicts...good luck to you and your family, very sad situation.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Is custody ordered to the parent with the higher income? Posted: 4/20/2009 9:26:02 PM
If the factors you listed were main considerations in determining custody, why does him "cheating" have anything to do with the final decision? Judges do not determine child custody based on a perceived morality issue, especially when you were not even married. How did that factor in on your case? A judge is to determine the best interest of the child, past actions (aka cheating) should have no bearing on that.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Is custody ordered to the parent with the higher income? Posted: 4/20/2009 8:43:54 PM
Another young woman with 2 kids on welfare at 21... Did you not know the drill after the first one? I find a lot of these posts from women like this so incredibly sad.... where are all the competent intelligent ambitious responsible single parents who now find themselves single parents who are determined to make a great life for their family, even against the odds???? There are so many choices other then welfare. There is no dignity or respect for that choice, in my opinion, given all of the opportunities available now. ESPECIALLY in Alberta where you can earn $15 an hour pouring coffee at Tim Hortons. If you chose to stay home with your kids BUT were financially responsible while doing so, I have no issue with that choice. What gets me pissed off is the feeling of entitlement and reasoning that it's better to stay home with young kids at the expense of others then providing for your family on your own. If you back together with your ex and living together you should be exempt from receiving welfare if he is working. If he is not working you should be looking long and hard at this guy - both parents on welfare? Is this ex one of your kids' fathers? Hopefully it's not the one who put your head in a wall. Sad sad sad...

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

My issue Posted: 4/20/2009 8:30:24 PM
To be fair, if the mother does everything in her power to disallow any access by the OP to his child, then I do not think he should have to pay support to her. That does not make him a deadbeat because the mother CHOSE to eliminate him from their child's life. To be clear, just because the mom moved to be closer to her family while pregnant does not constitute in my mind her denying the OP access to the child. But the child is not even here yet, what can he really do for his pregnant ex? As for her making decisions, so far it sounds like she is making good ones - pregnant, broken up with the dad, and moving back close to family for support. I don't see where her decisions are about HER - she likely would not have moved back home if she were not pregnant and alone. She is making decisions setting up for when the child comes - she is pregnant only now, there is no baby yet. Making arrangements and getting prepared takes time - that's why it takes 9 months for the baby to arrive. She can't stop you from having a relationship with your child. But your circumstances are that she lives a few hours away, you are no longer together, so you are going to have to accept that your relationship with your child will not be on a daily basis unless you are prepared to make some changes too. You do not appear to be able to do that, so you have to make the best relationship you can with what you have. If that means every other weekend for the first 2 years, then do it. You are making sound like it's all what you want or nothing at all, and that's not how it works, or rather how it SHOULD work, when you are a parent. If you decide you really do not want this, then leave them alone - forever. Do not be a dad who shows up once a year, makes promises he can't keep, or spends his time fighting with the mother, upset he does not get what he wants, shows up unannounced, threatens court every couple of years, etc. The child will live a happy life without that in their life.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

My issue Posted: 4/20/2009 3:58:20 PM
Well that is great you are excited! You do not have to be with the mother in a romantic relationship to be a great father. If you broke up, there are reasons for it, and getting backj together for the sake of this child will do more harm then good. Spend the nex t 163 more days working with her to develop a co-parenting relationship. Also, do not think shemoved to be away from YOU, she is pregnant and single and needs her family to be love and support her now. Give her that. Make sure you are listed as the baby's father on the birth certificate. Work WITH your ex and come up with the best possible co-parenting arrangement. You will not get everything you want, but if you TALK with her and WANT to be a true father to this child, it will work itself out. She's pregnant and alone - you must accept that as the woman who is actually carrying the child she has different issues she is facing and going through - understanding will go a long way. It's not realistic to expect a newborn to be withe the dad for a few days then the mom. Read books on pregnancy and childbirth. Keep communicating. Do not allow anger to get the best of you. Realize that if you want to be with this child more you will have to make sacrifices as every parent does - whether it be moving north, getting a different job, etc. It does not matter anymore that you and the mother are no longer together. The past is done with. A baby is on the way, and as both parents want to love and care for this child it is up to the two of you to grow up, act like adults, and start defining and learning what your new relationship with be, and what boundaries can be agreed upon. You have lots of time to make this work.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

previous stay at home moms Posted: 4/19/2009 10:57:36 PM
There are MUCH better parents here worth responding to and worth my time - you are clearly not one of them. OP - have you thought about a mentoring program? Given you are interested in teaching, it may be good for you to sit down with someone doing the job you would like and see what they have to say - perhaps they can provide you some guidance. Teaching does not have to be in a school. By utilizing professional opinion in the field, perhaps they can guide you to a career choice you might excel at, given some of your liabilities starting out so late. Intellectual stimulation, problem solving, and coping with challenges increase feelings of self-esteem and self-confidence. If mom is happy and challenged in her own life, she has a better chance to provide a happy and challenging life for her children. When women are fulfilled in themselves, they have much more to give to their kids. Modern women were raised to fulfill themselves intellectually, financially, and socially. Like I said, if you are ambitious and dedicated you have a great opportunity before you, although some of those opportunities may not be realized, which is just a fact. A man can't expect to make the NFL after 30 just because he wants to. Make sure you are up to date with technology. Look into contract work, short-term employment. It will also be an adjustment for your kids - but when they see you as a happy, self-sufficient mom who has roles outside of "Mom", they will be better for it. So will you - embrace the many benefits that will come from this change in your life!

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

How do you tell a guy that your childs father has passed away? Posted: 4/19/2009 7:17:22 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. A simple "he passed away" is really all that is needed in the early stages of dating. As you get more comfortable with someone, I'm sure it will be easier for you to go into more detail with them, when you feel a trust with them. He died, it's sad, but it was out of your control and I would be incredibly shocked to hear of any man using that as a reason not to get to know you. I'd like to add that Sweetness is a great example of someone who overcame enormous grief yet handles herself as she does. She is a good person in these forums who can speak frankly and honestly about that situation, dating and children and finding life again. We do not always agree, but I respect the hell out of her.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

previous stay at home moms Posted: 4/19/2009 7:14:32 PM
Ah, just when you think the members on these forums couldn't get more ignorant and insulting, there's always someone who's willling to prove they can Pot meet kettle :) Name calling is such a juvenile trait. Calling someone a fool is merely a reflection on the name caller... but your contempt and complete lack of respect for stay at home parents Nope - wrong again. I have NO contempt nor lack of respect for stay at home moms, it's just not a job, I have zero respect for those who CHOOSE to do so while collecting welfare or relying on their exes to support her and her kids instead of supporting their family and contributing on their own. Read that sentence twice so you understand it. Fulltime paid employment is a choice as well. You made a choice and so do stay at home parents. Supporting my family is not a choice. If a parent chooses to stay at home and their husband/wife is employed and supporting the family, I have no issue with this at all - great! Read this sentence twice so you understand it. A single parent does not have the same choice if they are a good parent. If you choose to be on welfare rather then work, the other parent should be raising your kids. But as I see, the ones on welfare or who have their exes supporting them are the ones screaming to defend themselves. No one said raising kids is not "work". It's just not a job. I work full time AND raise my child. The support structure I had while I was working was wonderful - I chose well. I know you enjoy making things up in your head, but not once did I or anyone else claim that that that the people around our children while we work were not an influence in their growing up. This is not a forum for you to bitterly condemn any other single parent who happens to be better at it than you. Speak to the subject at hand, as its about a woman who stayed at home for 23 years, wanting to reenter the workforce and hopefully be able to support her family. I doubt you have much to contribute om that subject seeing as you told everyone that it is your husband who pays to support you and his children. and if the other party weren't married, he would actually pay someone for the work that the SAHM does Every single parent I know does the work of a SAHM as WELL as work. Again, there is NO criticism here of a woman's choice to stay at home with her kids. None. Only if they choose to do at the expense of others. The OP now finds herself in a position to support her family and she must contribute, thereby securing a job. She will now find a worth outside of the home, and realize a person other then "mom" or "wife". If she takes it serious, she could find a passion hidden for years, find a self-fulfillment she has neglected in order to care for her family. It's an opportunity.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Is custody ordered to the parent with the higher income? Posted: 4/18/2009 11:25:49 PM
where did i state if he pays my way? Answer: if he payed child support for his kids i wouldnt need to be on the system as he makes good money Did I not read this statement correctly? I agree money does not buy happiness, but a parent with an income can provide a better home, better food, less stress about the future. i pay for her medication that isnt covered You are not paying anything, the government and taxpayors are. You are receiving welfare for you and your dependent children. As for the other things, you should defend yourself, as your original post was missing a lot of information for one to base and form an opinion around. So many women do not see their ex as even an option for custody and find it difficult to see past their own interests to those of their children that perhaps it would be better for a time for them to live with the other parent. Most welfare mothers here as well claim their exes are drug addicted abusers. A child in daycare is not being raised by the daycare worker. I feel for you that you have a child who has health issues, but now you say the child is a special needs child. Whether or not he pays taxes has no bearing on his ability to parent. If he in fact is a "pothead" I am sure you would have had the court do mandatory drug testing so that his visitations were clean and the children would not be in harm's way, right? I am also sure that the courts would amend the visitation if he in fact is not administering his child the medication he/she needs. I think there are a lot of better solutions out there to explore, and still feel you need to be responsible for your children. I do not know the circumstances of your child's health issues, but do not think the child has to see a doctor 2-3 times a week every week. If I am mistaken I apologize, but YOU need to make it work, if their father is unwilling. But the fact he wants custody speaks volumes to me. It really may not be about punishing you, it may actually be he has better means to take care of the situation - he can financially support them, has a job to allow him the flexibility to take the child to appointments, better support system.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Is custody ordered to the parent with the higher income? Posted: 4/18/2009 10:01:43 PM
Maybe it's a GOOD idea he has custody until you can secure full-time employment to assist in raising your family without the aid of the government or his money. Staying at home with your kids is a CHOICE, and if you can't sustain that then the kids go to daycare and you do what you must given your circumstances. Millions of kids attend daycare and a huge percentage of them actually benefit a great deal from the experience. It's only for a few years until they are in school full time anyway. Time to put your kids best interest at heart NOW. I'm not saying to give them up, but perhaps because your ex is in a better situation right now, the kids in turn will be more secure, eat better, have less stress, etc. While you are looking for employment , you can still take your child to his appointments. The fact he wants full custody says he loves his kids, wants a permanent situation for them, and sees what you current can offer them lacking. The fact you say if HE pays your way you can afford to raise them says to me the kids should be with him until you take some responsibility for your family.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

previous stay at home moms Posted: 4/18/2009 9:54:16 PM
A stay at home mom is NOT a job, it's a choice. I have a job and I also raise my child as a single parent. If you put on your resume you stayed home for 23 years as a mom, and your competition was a university graduate with 3 years professional experience your resume would hit the trash before the envelope was even opened. Likely a high percentage of women working there are moms as well. Staying home was a choice, not a career. I do not begrudge that choice in any way, but don't compare it to a real job. Once the kids are in school full time at age 5, what do these women DO all day??? To the OP - you have a tough road ahead of you. You did not work nor were you in the workforce most if not all of your adult life. You did not advise what education you possess outside of (I hope) high school, but I'll go on the assumption if you stayed home for 23 years it is unlikely you have a post-secondary degree of any kind. You likely do not have anything other then basic computer skills (outside of websites as this, email). No advanced software such as Excel, document management, industry specific software, etc. If you enter the jobforce, you will be competing with people 20 years younger with the same entry level experience. These competitors will be out of school, fully trained and knowledgeable in the field to which they are applying. Is it doable? Yes. But it's going to take a LOT of hard work, with expectations being reasonable on your part. You are closer to retirement then the age of the people competing with you for jobs. Know EXACTLY what you want to do, because you do not have the luxury of time. Spend some time in the actual field - even unpaid - because your skills in the workplace are nil, and you will find the dynamics quite different then they were with your kids, husband and friends. Take specific course geared towards employment, not a philosophy degree - that will not help you. Look on job sites and research which types of jobs are growing in your area. If you commit 100% you have a chance to pursue a decent job, but remember you are 23 years behind everyone else. I say this not to cast a shadow on your effort, but rather to give you a reality check of what lies ahead. Anything is possible, but your margin of error is miniscule. I'd say my dating advice to you probably mirrors my advice on looking for a career at this point :)

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 747 (view)

Do guys like single moms? Posted: 4/16/2009 6:34:15 PM
LOL Any man takes me to Chuck E Cheese for a date with his kids and I'll be out the back door. Unless we are exclusive and starting a committed relationship, I certainly do not want my dates to be a park with your kids. I don't even know if I'd like YOU enough yet. Sorry - I am dating the MAN first, then I'd factor in the kids - much later. Chuck E Cheese and the park with the kids on a date...yikes. Think I'll stick with dinner and dancing and adult activities until I know the guy enough to know if I want to continue to see him again or not...what the hell happened to dating instead of instant family interviews? I have enough male friends to do stuff with our respective families, if I'm dating someone I'm looking for something different.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

how to get child support payments lowered? Posted: 4/14/2009 10:00:01 PM
i put my education/career on hold gave him a beautiful daughter Next time don't do that. remember have to pay for rent.... food... clothes... toys... books. You have to pay rent for yourself anyway. You do not need to buy clothes and toys and books every month. Get a library card. also paying off the 40k of debt my ex left me with cuz we had to have a truck Sell the truck, pay off the debt and get a bus pass. i work long hours for a crap job Then do something in the meantime to better your situation. He's not going to do it for you, more support isn't going to change it. So take responsibility for your family and change your circumstance yourself. Stop blaming everything else and waste the next 18 years doing so. Women have less money when we have children cuz we're often the ones that stay home and lose out on the economic benefits of being in the work force Not if you are a smart woman who contributes equally. i easily spend 500 a month on my daughter.... toys, clothes, books, diapers, education funds Then don't spend so much on things she does not need. If you can't afford rent or food then don't be investing in an education fund right now. If you do not start being the responsible adult and parent NOW she's likely not going to be using the fund anyways - cycle repeats cycle. Live as though you don't receive support at all, then when you do receive it invest THAT amount in the education fund. No one is going to change your life but you, and spending the next 18 years being resentful HE never gave you more money will not make your family any better. Be another of the few single parents who broke the stereotypes and did it on their own, leading happy and successful lives and being role models for their kids.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

Recession affecting maintenance Posted: 4/14/2009 7:41:46 PM
Brown Eyed Woman - excellent post, very well said.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

how to get child support payments lowered? Posted: 4/14/2009 7:39:45 PM
I get 221 a month in child support and yes it helps but NO its not enough. So how much would be enough? If it's not enough you are then saying your child is not getting what it needs - shelter, food , clothes. But then you say you are working to provide that. So what you really are saying is you want MORE support so YOU don't have to work as much even though you have the child full-time and the payor does not.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

Recession affecting maintenance Posted: 4/14/2009 1:56:59 PM
Your numbers are not accurate. If someone was earning $45,000 per year, they would only be able to deduct the maximum of $8,000 per year in child care expenses (if the solely claimed it), and this is a tax credit (which means their taxable income is reduced by this amount, which is a net savings of MAYBE $1200 on their return). Also, the child tax credit after earnings of $45,000 is only about $40 a month, if that. Almost all of the benefits to working single parents are those who make under $24,500 a year. I never was able to take advantage of these tax advantages as I always earned far more than that. Someone earning $20,000 gets a LOT more freebies from the government in terms of tax benefits then someone earning over $40k.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

single guy with 3 kids, why does it scare ladies away??? Posted: 4/11/2009 6:37:13 PM
The fact you have 3 children does not scare women away. It's something about you they do not like, or they do not want to step into a custody fight when your priorities obviously are, or they do not want to assume the role of "making you feel better" because you are going through something difficult and you have nothing left to give someone else. Too much for a first or second date - I would expect a woman to act differently if you and she were together in a relationship, but just starting out? When you have everything settled in your life, you will find that women are more available to you - and it does not matter how many kids you have. You have nothing to give to a new relationship right now as your full attention is elsewhere. Accept it, deal with the issues in your life, then begin dating when you can give a women the chance she deserves when starting a new relationship, or even dating. There is nothing wrong with that, either.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Serious family situation - advice needed!! Posted: 4/11/2009 6:19:03 PM
why should she be embarrassed or ashamed??? Why should she have to hide her face or feel guilty for something that was not her fault She shouldn't feel ashamed or guilty at all, no one has said that. But she is 16, she has a court appearance to make on Tuesday, her father's family has been completely non-supportive and abusive towards her, she needs to learn coping mechanisms to deal with not only the act but the post-court situation. The media are not allowed to report the names of minors who are victims of abuse, so the fact that her teachers and school know and everyone else does means someone told them. It is unusual for a 16 year old girl who was recently sexually abused to tell everyone she knows about the details while in the middle of dealing with it. The fact that everyone knows what happened to her before she has a chance to deal with it herself I find pitiful and sad. The fact a 16 year old KNOWS you posted her sad situation on an internet dating site has me questioning YOUR ability to provide this girl what she needs. There are HUNDREDS of more appropriate websites to provide guidance and advice on this. Because everyone already knows and according to you it's in all the papers (which is strange because, not to diminish her awful experience, but this man is only accused of "groping" her inappropriately, not sexual assault and it's not something one reads as a news article - especially with names as they are not used to protect the identity of the minor child involved if it's within a family), it's not protecting her at all - might as well state her full name right here. That is good the school offers support, but again, there are a LOT better agencies and counsellors out there to assist a 16 year old with dealing with this. If my daughter ever told me she was molested by a family member the LAST place I'd put it out there was on an internet dating site forum next to my PICTURE. As much as I feel terrible for your daughter, I think you too need some assistance in how to assist her in coping and dealing with this effectively - you are doing more harm then good in the long run, although I believe you love your daughter and want to help her through it. For an example, there are 3 high schools in Wooster, Wooster High School (Grades 9th through 12th), Opportunity High School (Grades 7th through 11th), and Boys Village High School (Grades 6th through 12th). Since she does not attend a boys school, she attends one or the other mentioned. I easily researched newspapers looking for any mention of a grandfather accused of molesting a 15 or 16 year old girl, and can look at the court dockets of the surrounding counties next Tuesday and find out all of the details. Point is, I live in Canada and found this out in less then 10 minutes. I can find out more, but my point about privacy and how just because you did not mention her name HERE does not make it any less easy for someone to find you. It's scary. I also have your picture, recent posts you made which give further details, etc etc. Do not discredit how this can follow her around on-line for the rest of her life. It's not that she should be embarrassed or ashamed, but that discretion should be used so that she can live her life without this one act defining the rest of it.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Serious family situation - advice needed!! Posted: 4/11/2009 11:12:39 AM
As of the census[2] of 2000, there were 24,811 people, 10,040 households, and 6,174 families residing in the city. I did a search here and there are 299 women with profiles within a 25 km radius of Wooster, Ohio. I would be sure there is not much privacy in such a small town, and with your photo displayed not much to know where you are and who you are talking about. A 16 year old girl would be in grade 10 or 11, I'm sure there are not too many high schools in Wooster. All this because my point is to post such personal information about your minor child can only harm HER - there are so many better forums to put information then a internet dating site. It's a small world... and you did her no favors by posting her trauma here for all to see, there are better support groups to go for information. If it were MY child first, I would absolutely allow zero contact with her grandfather until the case was resolved in court and have a court order supporting this. Second, until the court case was over, I certainly would not have my daughter stay with her father with the accused living 400ft away. Third, if my daughter was not getting support from that side of the family, I would stop contact with them completely so my child could begin healing from a traumatic experience that will stay with her for life. My child would be my FIRST concern. WHY isn't your family there to support her on the day she faces her accuser? You need to step up and make the hard choices here for her sake.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

What your child's education has taught YOU Posted: 4/10/2009 10:10:19 PM
I enjoy these stories too! Single parents are doubly more involved in their kids education because they have the entire responsibility, and sometimes it's great to talk about what the KIDS contribute to the family dynamics. Being active makes the family unit better, and I am all for anything that creates dialogue. Not that there is anything wrong with PS3, Xboxes or the computer, but when you talk to your kid every day at dinner about what they did in school that day, it benefits everyone, AND everyone can learn something. I think it makes the kids feel good too, being able to express their knowledge and feel proud of what they have learned. Sometimes they themselves don't realize what they HAVE learned until they have an opportunity to tell someone else about it! I enjoy forums which show good parents being active in their kids lives and how they accomplish that. I can only hope that within my own little family of two we continue to do this throughout her educational years - as long as we have dinner together at the table more often then not, I believe it will! Their next subject is Vikings so not sure how much I'll get from THAT but it will always be interesting LOL

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Will be single mother at 19 Posted: 4/9/2009 8:29:57 PM
Great advice Cannpeters :) It may take longer then someone without a child, but it certainly can be done and you can lead a happy and successful life with hard work, determination and a commitment to your family! I'll add you to the Successful Single Parent list- it's getting bigger...

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

What your child's education has taught YOU Posted: 4/9/2009 8:27:27 PM
Sigh - instead of a positive thread about our kids and their education and how it can impact on our families and how it can bring a single parent family closer together by doing something pro-active and together, lets delete THIS one and have another thread about why single parents can't get dates...LOL I tried :)

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

What your child's education has taught YOU Posted: 4/9/2009 8:16:43 PM
My grade 6 daughter recently completed a project on electricity and boy was it ever educational for ME! As a result of her research and project, I have learned so much about alternative energy, wasteful energy, and how to change our home to be more energy efficient. It's so much more then turning lights out when you leave the room or buying an energy efficient fridge! I'm also saving over $70 a month now on my energy bill because her being so pro-active on the subject and bringing her knowledge into our home. For the past month we have changed our eating habits so that 75% of our food is bought locally, and we now spend time every Friday discovering where our food comes from - it's been so great to do this with her! I enjoy seeing that even in elementary school, even social subjects have changed to reflect our current world. I consider myself an educated person and always seek to be informed on worldly issues so I can make an informed decision, but it's remarkable how much I can learn from my daughter's education. Have you learned anything new from your child's projects or assignments at school, or having your child proactive in something you knew little or nothing about that has changed how YOU live?

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 1418 (view)

full-time single dads Posted: 4/9/2009 8:10:50 PM
I know, I just hate statistics :) But circumstances can support that assumption occasionally - a woman who stayed at home to raise the children, then got divorced and having to enter a workforce she has no training to be a part of, or a teenage mother from a welfare family just repeating the cycle... I'm all about empowerment and having women realize they do not have to be a statistic and falling into that belief... but I do get what you are saying. I just don't like to hear the word...

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 1416 (view)

full-time single dads Posted: 4/9/2009 7:52:33 PM
I deserve no more praise than any single parent, and yet it's single mums that tend to be the most generous in their praise. I struggle to comprehend when a single mum praises me for simply fulfilling my responsibility as a parent. Excellent statement. Single parents do not walk around seeking praise and admiration for loving and taking care of their kids. No better no worse then children of a two parent home, only one person takes on the responsibility of two. Particularly as I have the advantage of a good salary that the average single mum doesn't have Not so excellent statement - most single mothers I know make more then the married couples combined in our circles. I guess it depends on your "average" - average in my life regarding single parents is financially successful and raising pretty good kids. There are a lot of us out there - the "below-average" ones are the ones who get the most press though :)

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Discipline Posted: 4/9/2009 7:31:35 PM
Lectures are rarely working with children. They shut down when you lecture them. Actually, you would be wrong again. Lectures can be a very useful tool, depending on the age of the child. Different ages of children factor in here, as parents here know. Perhaps the effectiveness of a lecture differs when it's said to a 3, 6, 10 or 15 year old, but can still be effective for them. positive reinforcement kills the inner motivation of a child to repeat the desired behaviour when the reward is no longer present. That's not true either. My daughter has a TV in her room, as long as she maintains an 80% average in school. It's one of many motivations for her to study and do well, and effective as a positive reinforcement tool. She does well because the results make her proud of her accomplishments, this is an added incentive. The one time she was lazy in school and did not do as well as she wanted one semester, the TV was gone for the subsequent semester - this made her more determined not to fall into a lazy behaviour again, because she knew she could do better and set personal goals for the next semester. I have tons of stories similar to this one with the children of friends and family, so I speak not only from experience but also seeing these children. So, it is very possible that each time you spanked them, you stopped their unwanted behaviour successfully only temporarily, but also brought your relationship a step backward, making the internalized lesson less likely to be learned I had 3 spanks as a child when I did something really really bad and I love my parents to death to this day. Our relationship never took any steps backwards, they were and are fantastic parents and I consider myself lucky. I also learned my lesson and never did that behaviour again. I remember to this day what I did - it was serious enough to warrant serious action. So, although you say it is "possible", it may not be likely in most cases. I am not speaking of beatings or abuse here, either. MOST of parenting is reasoning and guiding, but sometimes situations call for stronger actions. Again, parents here realize this. Most parents after disciplining their child in a stronger fashion on occasion do take the time to talk to their children. It is not one or the other, sometimes a combination of both.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 106 (view)

Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong? Posted: 4/8/2009 5:32:05 AM
[QUOTE]SOME children still end up healthy at the end. (Your point).[/QUOTE] NO, what I clearly stated was that my point was MOST children are perfectly fine, perhaps a FEW if due to abusive punishing would MAY end up having difficulties. Two very different things. Nice try. So you are saying the two options are to read YOUR posted "research" (one-sided on the issue) and change one's parenting ways, or take the "easy way out" and ignore it? Those are certainly NOT the only two choices, and your phrasing once again proves what disdain you hold for parents. To say someone who does not parent to a research book is alternatively taking the easy way out of parenting is rude and ignorant. Yes, parents are sometimes tired, lost control, felt helpless or needed to lash out, and it is very understandable These are not the only reasons a parent could yell or punish their child and once again you continue to demean parents by assuming these are sole reasons for them yelling. One can tell one is not a parent by these types of statements. But do we sometimes express our frustration, showing kids that we love them even when they make us angry? Do we raise our voices when they do something dangerous? Yes, that's healthy. As for YOUR information, your course is a CERTIFICATE program, NOT a university degree, and credits earned MAY be applied towards a the requirement for a Bachelor of/Baccalaureate in Arts degree - they are NOT 39 "University Credits". It also does not "automatically" grant you national certification, you must apply though one of two national agencies - IF you pass. Again, trying to manipulate the facts.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 103 (view)

Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong? Posted: 4/7/2009 7:59:14 PM
Cut and paste cut and paste. I am only responding to what you yourself have posted, and I am entitled to my opinions. If you take it as a personal attack, there is nothing I can do about that. You yourself said you were in many failed relationships with women who had children, and my opinion is this does not constitute parenting experience, however much you feel you are better at parenting then the ACTUAL parent. No selective memory problem, CS. Most of your posts cut and paste from the same books. That's great you are taking the Family Life Course, a non-degree program which requires a 65% average for acceptance - I gather you are just beginning, and look forward to reading your posts after you become educated. I do not condemn all principles from all authors you have posted, and know that certain themes that are based on common sense are good for any parent (love and respect your child, listen to them, communicate, etc) and a lot of parents can benefit from additional parenting resources, but you feel that if you say a line from a book a child will say and do what the book says that child will do, and you like to continually point out that if a parent does A then B WILL happen, and that is just not true. A time out will not sever a relationship between parent and child. Ridiculous statement. What is important is that some parenting practices, such as spanking, time outs, punishments, yelling and put downs, do hinder a child's development, damages the child's self esteem and severe the attachment between the parent and the child, leading to long term problems as the child becomes a teenager Not true. Why must you insist on categorically stating your view in this manner? Perhaps for SOME children it may if abused, but certainly not all as you like to claim, thereby demeaning any parent who has yelled or spanked their kid. This does not help anything but your ego. Readers of this forum are welcome to read any post by any poster and respond to what they like. Responding does not mean you are being "targeted", it means something you have written is being responded to.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

How Do Kids Take To A Parent Dating Again? Posted: 4/7/2009 7:41:09 PM
While I 100% agree with not involving children in the early stages of dating or introducing them to very date one has, I do not think it's healthy to NOT tell your child you are even dating. Honesty and communication is important between a parent and child, and they will know eventually so better to speak to them about it, discuss their feelings, explain the reason why you are dating, why it is important for a parent to have social interactions outside being a parent. There is nothing wrong with that, and I feel it's good for kids to see their parents as more then just a parent - that they can also be a valued friend, daughter, niece, and yes even a dating partner. I have always told my daughter when I am going out with friends or on a date - it's important for her to see different sides of me, and ultimately I feel this makes me a better mother to her. I can teach her about it as she is there with me during the process of getting ready, and we can talk about making new friends and the benefits to me for having other adults a part of my life. You can use your dating to walk your child through the process, reassure them, explain what it is, so they become more comfortable with it. Lying about it does not help them understand you better, and when they do realize you are dating when they older it will that much more difficult. What good does it do anyone to shield the fact? You are not protecting them from anything, and missing a great opportunity between you.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 99 (view)

Discipline - Is yelling at your children wrong? Posted: 4/7/2009 8:29:12 AM
Probably it came from his favorite book by Dr Thomas Gordon as he has no personal parenting experience and he believes parenting can be learned from a book by someone who wrote it in 1962 - in other words, one parenting model fits all, he is right, everyone else is wrong and if you parent differently you are a poor parent.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

I needed help and my foster dog guarded me from the help! Posted: 4/7/2009 5:37:20 AM
I agree that's frightening and this animal should be muzzled. Who knows when you are out for a walk who it might perceive as a threat to you? Could be a little kid. And it IS a breed issue - sorry, but if this were a schnauzer it could be detained far more easily then this type of dog, in the OPs scenario. Another case of an owner who is not being a responsible owner and training her breed properly. Sitting in the passenger seat of a vehicle does not constitute training. Why does this dog even need to be in "attack" mode? Does the OP live in a crime infested area with rapes and murders and break-ins? Doubt it. Too much faith that an animal is going to listen and obey a single word just because you say it.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Did you ever attempt to reconcile with your ex? Posted: 4/7/2009 5:26:26 AM
No. have no reason to reconcile...but we do work on a great friendship and hope the best for each other What a nice statement :)

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Do you tell them straight away???? Posted: 4/6/2009 3:55:03 PM
A stay at home mom is not a job, it's a choice. Great you've worked for 10 years and decided to stay home to raise your kids. As long as you are financial able to take care of them without relying on government support, having taxpayors such as myself (a single parent) PAY for your choice, I'm all for it! I happen to work full time AND I'm a mom full time, so you certainly do not get extra points for staying home all day. I do what you do AND work... Welfare mothers of course have needs, most men just don't want to pay for them when these mom's have little to give back or contribute to a relationship. If you are on welfare you have a lot more important things to do, such as take care of your family. Again, if you are supporting your family financially while at home ON YOUR OWN, of course this does not make you a lesser person. If you chose to stay home and collect welfare to do so, it does. That being said, I still say be honest at the beginning about your circumstances but very little. No shame in being a single parent, but if you are on welfare as well a man in your dating age range would likely factor this in to his dating equation.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Do you tell them straight away???? Posted: 4/6/2009 12:02:51 PM
I just state it matter of fact - I am a single parent. No more needs to be said, after all he's dating me, not my family during the dating phase. I don't hide it, but as it's not the sole definition of who I am I don't dwell. I do however while dating let them know I am financially sound, own a home, have a great career so they know from the start I am a capable woman who is also a parent. If I were you I'd be more concerned with your profession being listed as STAY AT HOME MOM which, if you are a single parent, screams WELFARE to most. If you do not work and you are single and raising kids how else do you support your family??? I'd work more on what you are able to give to someone else in a relationship rather then worry about when to tell someone you have kids.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Your interpretation of a single parent... Posted: 4/4/2009 5:55:04 PM
Sweetness is another great example of a single parent who is, by definition, a single parent with two different circumstances making her so. She never makes excuses, does not rely on government handouts, works hard, raises her kids, and enjoys her life. Not all kids want or need the other biological parent in their life. Too many here give biology much too much credit when the other factor is absent. I doubt my daughter, after 11 years or in another 10, is going to wake up and feel a void that she never knew the man who contributed his sperm years before LOL There are many great kids who are raised in a one parent home who do NOT feel a hole or void, and look back on their childhood as complete, happy and fulfilled. Why would anyone want to knock that? People should instead be saying that's great! A one parent home can be just as effective if not more so then a two parent one, and is does not matter anyways as long as the child gets everything they need and deserve in life. I would never allow my daughter to disparage or be cruel to a child just because of who is raising them and loving them, and I expect and demand others give my family the same courtesy. To those who condemn it, look at your OWN lives and the damage you have caused your own kids by your actions, then tell me who has made the right decisions.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

How We Are Perceived Posted: 4/4/2009 5:44:46 PM
Firstly, I think is is good your daughter finally opened up to you and told you how she was feeling - she's probably been feeling like that for a long time and conflicted as hell. Secondly, I do not see any difference in discussing with a potential partner an ex and what he DID and an ex and what he is DOING. It's still family drama that needs to be resolved, and unless you are already in a loving committed relationship with someone who is actively a part of your life and that of your child's, there is no place for that. That is what your friend's and family are for, those who are in your life now. Someone you are just getting to know wants to know YOU first, not your family dynamics and the troubles it currently has. You CAN protect your daughter - just by saying words like he "should" love them is an indicator you want him to change and be the father you WISH he could be, but your daughter has clearly told you he is not. I doubt this new man will think you are in love with this man - but he likely will doubt your judgment in allowing it to continue, wonder what you think HIS role in it is, wonder if he and YOU have established enough of a relationship to involve your children, and wonder if he is prepared to give you the emotional support you are so desperately needing. You NEED to be angry at your ex, not yourself. Do not be angry for thinking you cannot protect your kids from his pain, rather be angry that you are doing nothing to stop it. Being angry at your ex should not hurt you. It should empower you to do what needs to be done - your daughter TOLD you - now it is your turn to take some sort of action. I was blasted on another forum because I said I never had to go through these issues and my daughter never had to suffer the pain and hurt of an ex like yours - and I remain firm in my belief after reading this I made the right decisions 11 years ago and my daughter is a better young woman for it. I am certainly NOT judging you as a mother - you have proven yourself to be a loving caring mother who would do anything for her kids time and time again. That being said, my advice is to GET ANGRY at the person doing this to them and do something to stop him from completely changing who your kids are. Empowerment. Initiative. Action. They are young for such a short period of time and so impressionable. Your child is old enough for a frank and honest conversation about a person who is belitting her and damaging her self-esteem at a critical time in her life. Your new man, rather then listen to your back story and having to make the decision to live with it WITH you for years to come, will see a confident capable woman who takes charge of her family and, even when it gets tough, makes the decisions that need to be made. He will respect you a lot more for that, and know you can be counted on. You also need to determine what you want this new man's role to be in your life right now, and if it's fair to ask that of him at this stage. Simple explanations early on are always best. Trust takes time. I know you probably need a friend and support and caring for YOU, but ask yourself if this new man is the right person to give you that right now. Maybe later he will be, but right now you have to take some action where your children are concerned, and nurture this new relationship outside of that.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

Your interpretation of a single parent... Posted: 4/4/2009 12:17:24 PM
you don't think that your daughter sees her friends with both a Mom and a Dad and thinks she is missing something Actually, no. She/us have friends with kids being raised by one mom, one dad, a lesbian couple and boy now being raised by his grandpa. Because I raised her to believe all families are different but no child is missing something because of it, it does not factor in. The only time she has said anything to me was when she said she was glad she had only me because she could never live at her friend's house who had two parents because they were always fighting. But she is surrounded by examples of great marriages - my parents have been married for over 37 years, my sister (4 kids later) has been happily married, I have friends who are married and happy. She does not know what my "intentions" were 11 years ago regarding the other biological person because it does not matter, and she doesn't care. My intentions were to raise an intelligent, loving, strong, caring person who is committed to her personal beliefs and knows she can be and do anything she wants to, even in the face of adversity and pre-conceived notions of others. Someone who even when fearful will take the risk to find out the reward rather then cower in a corner and always wonder. My daughter knows about sex and how babies are created, but when we have talked about biology she said she doesn't care to know. It really doesn't factor in her life or world. I was trying to think if she ever, even when younger, asked me if she had a dad and I honestly don't think so. In Kindergarten, Father's Day was also Grandpa's Day so he came to her school, danced with her, it was great! She felt more special because of it. Truly, not all kids who never know their biological other feel like they have to, or suffer because of it, or spend their lifetimes wondering. It's the adults who think the kids SHOULD feel that way and in turn the kids wonder if they should. I do know the identity of the biological other who did know of my daughter (I am not a woman who withheld that information, tricked him, took money from him, tried to force marriage on him, etc etc), but he is no father. I doubt I would recognize him even if I saw him, it's been so long. My daughter does not have a father. It seems so hard for so many here to grasp our life, maybe it's understandable - most here have been through ugly divorces, custody battles, men who are refused access to their kids, women who just want more support, kids emotionally damaged because of the turmoil, and most here have kids who at one time or another actually KNEW their other parent, loved them, spent time with them, and for some reason that parent left them behind. That would certainly be painful for a child and change who they were. But that is not my life. I did not experience any of that, nor did my daughter. It's been a normal, happy life for us, very few bumps, lots of love, and honestly, it's been a pleasure and joy raising her. Perhaps that is what upsets people the most here - I am untouched by their own painful experiences. I have never claimed to be better or worse then anyone here, but so many like to try to be worse because I have what they wish they could. My daughter and I have a pretty open relationship and communicate very well - I raised her that way :)

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Your interpretation of a single parent... Posted: 4/4/2009 9:22:49 AM
Rustic, again you give yourself far too much credit if you think I care what you think :) Your comments do not bother me in least, but I will continue to post my own opinions whether you like it or not. How you think being a single parent is a term I use for any monetary gain or pity is beyond me - perhaps you should actually READ my previous posts to determine how I feel about pity or monetary gain as a single parent - most people around know exactly where I stand on that LOL You can believe some make-believe thing called god created man and woman if you want, but if you believe so much you would not be separated from your ex and would be raising a family the way your god intended, wouldn't you? But that is religion, only using it when it suits you. My attitude it what has raised an intelligent and self-sufficient young woman who would stand up to people as yourself with myopic views on women and single parents. My daughter also does not feel she is "missing" anything, we have a great family, one I am very proud to have. What does she have to miss? My child does not have a father, never has, never will, so she never has to feel abandoned, left behind, unwanted, unloved, shuffled between homes, subjected to arguments and fighting and feeling lost and confused and caught up in the middle - my decisions ensured that never happened, likely why you don't see me posting my problems here, because we really do not have any. THAT is the outcome of my "attitude". She will not spend her life trying to fill some hole, because there isn't one to begin with. She has one parent, me, and a loving family around her, and she's a really happy girl and I always feel lucky she's my kid. It's sad your child has to live in an unfortunate situation you created... my daughter has nothing but a fortunate life :) It's different if you had a father who either died or chose not to be around you and you remember him and can put that loss into context. Quite different if you never had a dad to begin with and know only the wonderful family you have.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Your interpretation of a single parent... Posted: 4/2/2009 7:38:20 PM
Whether you like it or not, your not a complete family unit, thats why God created a Father and a Mother Damn! Good thing I do not believe in a God then, and will continue to have a complete family unit :) Guess because you DO believe then you are the one who will suffer - we're just fine :) Proud that your child has to be raised by one parent instead of experiencing the love of both parents -- Not fine.. It's fine by me and my child and everyone else in our lives who love us :) But I didn't, I wanted to post what I posted because that was my thoughts at the time and the point I wanted to get across at the time.. Yep - just like everyone else who posts here, you are not special. A child does not have to have a married mother and father to see how a good marriage works. I read just fine, thank you, and I do not take everyone's comments as though they are directed at me personally - so you would be wrong about that, among other things. Perhaps you need to go to your church and learn to practice what you preach. I find it amusing that YOU are the one who had the failed relationship, has the poor child back and forth with you and mom, and I do not.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Your interpretation of a single parent... Posted: 4/2/2009 3:47:41 PM
The term/label "single parent" is only beneficial to those who seek pitty, financial gains, those that have low self esteem and need to feel apart of something, those that are attention seekers etc That is completely untrue. I am a single parent, and have not benefited financially for being one, and as anyone knows I am certainly not one to seek pity. Why would I? It is a definition of who I am, and requires no pity. You are saying that by calling oneself a single parent they are not also there for their every need, there when they learn something new, there when they wake in the night, or when they fall over and skins their knee, or when they need a hug, or there when they needs a doctor and so on. Being a single parent is no better or worse then a two parent family, but it is what I am. It does not mean I am less of a parent as you are trying to say. Not does it mean it's a label that screams "I come from a broken home", It says "I have one parent and we are a family". It simply is. Who would want to be proud of displaying that their child lives in a broken home and now has to be shuffled from one house to the other just to see both of his/her parents. Proud that your child has possibly lived through a nasty divorce, court hearings, resentful parents. You really believe that all single parents are a stereotype? I have never been married, therefor no divorce. I have never had a broken home. My child has not lived through divorce, been shuttled to a secondary home, or endured any nasty custody battles, or resentful parents as she has only one. I have been her only parent since she was born, this is our family, and it's great, and looking at some of the situations posted even in these forums I am very fortunately we have the life we have. The whole time you hold your "label" high and mighty, your child suffers the consequences of your or your partners actions. Being a single parent is not a definition of being "high and mighty" at all, not does my child suffer any consequences of being one. Your narrow opinion of single parents will transfer to your child, which is both sad and unfortunate as they will grow up with the same naieve and detrimental thinking you seem to have toward one parent homes. I'm glad I have taught my daughter differently, that families come in all shapes and sizes and love and respect are the cornerstone of a happy and loving family unit, and that children raised by one parent or two, a grandparent, or a guardian will, if loved and nurtured and respected and encouraged, will grow to be happy adjusted and caring adults who would never begrudge anothers family because it is different then their own, or think less of anyone who lives it.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

single fathers who have custody of their children Posted: 3/31/2009 8:45:03 PM
so, its is harder for men. any day. Get real. Being a single parent is no more difficult for a man or a woman. Why do you think women get more heklp than a man raising a child? You qualify for the same tax benefits as a woman. You have the same issues regarding daycare as women. You have the same daily challenges as women. The only difference seems to be men expect some sort of reward for doing it, and seem to moan about how much harder it is then women. Women also do not expect $50 and a "good job" from people, they do it because they are parents, love their kids and work to make the best life possible for them.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Do you Find Successful Single Fathers Intimidating? Posted: 3/31/2009 8:41:39 PM
That's ridiculous. I for one am not intimidated by any other parent, single or otherwise. I do, most of the time lay a lot of blame on the parents for kids who get into trouble (for example, a 13 year old who gets arrested at 3 am - what parent does not know where their kid is at 3am???) but I know of NO woman who is a parent who not get involved with another good parent because she would feel intimidated.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

When a man is NOT the father but listed on the birth certificate Posted: 3/31/2009 7:17:25 PM
I would have no issue with parents incurring the cost of a DNA test upon every birth, having it mandatory. Just a cost of having a baby. In the long-term, it would save a lot more in terms of cost to society, and perhaps make for more responsible parents. I do not agree with a man being forced to pay financially for a child that is not his just because a mother put his name on a birth certificate. That being said, if a man has been a father to a child and that child knows no other father but him, I feel the rights of the child trump that of the father in this case, although the criteria which makes this so is conflicting to me. Men has stated on different threads that they are afraid to get involved with single mothers because they might be on the hook financially for the child. Well, that is only if the criteria are met - the man has been involved in the child's life for a long time and has assumed the role of Father, and the child knows no different. Just because you are dating a single mother does not mean when you break up with them you will have to pay support. If you are LIVING together and assuming the role of father that is different, and I think more people should be more cautious anyways before moving to this step of a relationship. If you are living together or married you obviously are committing to those circumstances and assume the risks.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Do Single Parents Seem to Moan Too Much? Posted: 3/31/2009 7:11:24 PM
I don't think ALL single parents moan too much, a large majority seem to spend an inordinate amount of time wondering how to live instead of actually living. A lot seem so caught up on blame or wishing things were different then actually doing something about it and accepting their family circumstance and living the best life they can. It's become routine for them to live that way. Dating is no harder for a single parent then it is for someone without kids, except for those who, instead of looking inward at what THEY can offer someone, blame the fact they have kids as the reason no one wants to be with them. If you meet someone, they want to know if they like YOU first, your kids don;t factor in so early on and if they don;t like YOU they will go- kids have nothing to do with that, but it's easier for some to think that way instead of changing themselves and how they approach relationships.

~Amoré~

Joined: 1/17/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

When a man is NOT the father but listed on the birth certificate Posted: 3/31/2009 8:41:37 AM
http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/090330/national/que_not_the_father Very interesting article today. In summary, a man was in a common law relationship. Woman had child, man listed on birth certificate. Man and woman break up and he finds he is not the bioloigcal father, DNA to prove it AND actual bio dad confirms. Man trying to get name OFF birth certificate to avoid financial repurcussions and is denied. and now wants to argue in fron of the Supremem Court of Canada. COURT SIDE: Both courts ruled that paternity is ironclad if a man's name is on the birth certificate, if that status is not contested within a year of the child's birth and if other factors, including the same family name, indicate obvious bonds between the child and the parents. MAN'S SIDE: The courts ruled there is little room for interpretation, but the man's lawyer disagreed with both rulings. "It's not a monetary question as much as it is a question of principle - can we impose a child on a man?" Guylaine Gauthier said in an interview. "The message the courts have sent is that we can falsely name someone as the father and this goes against the judicial system and the values upon which it is based. Thoughts? Mandatory DNA testing during pregnancy? Keep the same criteria in place as now for the sake of the child?

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