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Thread: Did Sex and the City ruin dating?

Amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 237 (view)

Did Sex and the City ruin dating? Posted: 6/8/2008 2:22:01 PM
Gentleman you need to relax, the only thing Sex and the City did was open the door for women to accept and explore their sexuality the way men have been doing for years! I loved that show and it never disillusioned me into seeking rich or incredibly handsome men. Well... I don't know about other people's circles, but the way the women on this show behaved with men is outside of the norm. If there was anyone that slept around like Samantha's character did, she'd be labelled a slut and a whore, chastised and ostracized in my town. But again, that show was based in NYC, maybe the standards are different. Whether it impacts men - oh it never changed my opinion of men - I am of the school that Carrie was a complete idiot for cheating on Aiden. That was my ideal man right there. For anyone who doesn't know the Aiden character - he was loyal and a carpenter and had a nice dog and was down to earth and owned a cabin. He was a total sweetheart. Maybe not right for Carrie - but sooo right in so many ways. He wasn't rich - is was just a nice, average guy. I'm not the only one on this forum that enjoyed the Aiden character either. Mr Big wasn't that interesting to me. So I guess the answer is that if it does change a women's opinion that she should be dating rich and successful men just because of watching the show - then they are very superficial women.

Amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 207 (view)

tell me girls is it shallow to not date someone because they have bad teeth? Posted: 6/8/2008 2:02:11 PM
I have a problem with the following: what does it say about the person? They obviously don't care about letting their teeth get like that (otherwise they would have brushed them regulary) Okay, there are other reasons for having bad teeth other than hygiene reasons. There are genetic reasons - someone I know with very bad teeth and I met this person's mother later on and she said that she had dentures since she was was 21. When this person's sister's children had to have dental surgery to deal with their rotting teeth, it became very clear that it wasn't hygiene, but was just teeth that just weren't strong. How sad is that eh. I feel very grateful for the strong and straight teeth I have. At the same time, bad breath does not make for good kissing. I do have a thing against bad breath. I can't help it, its just a turn off.

Amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

When you are in the wrong market, what todo Posted: 6/7/2008 1:11:09 PM
I feel gb300 was being a bit critical of the original poster - and some others just posted on his inconsistencies. There are really issues like his, as I share his concern. I moved to a small town (of 10,000) from a quite larger area and I've found it difficult to meet people to date as well. He does generalize about the people available in his town and maybe it isn't completely true - but it is a struggle in smaller towns if you have moved to one to better your work experience level (as I had). I probably won't stay for the same reason, but in the meantime I was also hoping to meet someone to share time with, but a year later I've learned there are a few ways to generalize the available men in this area as well. I won't say how though.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 502 (view)

If you're single and not dating, what's your reason? Posted: 6/11/2007 8:31:09 PM
In response to Keljo - I think that it is completely understandable to fear rejection. Anyone that has something unique about the way they look or something about them that is "different" will often feel like they are on the outside looking in. It isn't that different for the larger women out there - of which I am one of them. I spent a few years giving excuses to why I wasn't dating. First it was I was taking some time off from dating - really I was just scared of rejection. Then it was I don't want to start dating someone before I go away to University. The real reason was that I just didn't want to bother and then for the last three years, it was the time excuse because I didn't want to let my grades suffer. Currently my excuse for not dating falls in line with what Ravager had to say... They're interested, I'm not. I'm interested, they're not. I could use the excuse and say it's because of my weight but I don't think that's really it - I get emails - I think I may be back to fear of rejection or fear of settling. I guess the message is - you can't have anything good in life without taking risks - the risk of putting yourself out there is a scary one, but a necessary one - even if there is something about yourself that is different then others. One could call you unique. I know I am. Someone said to me once that if I make a big deal about what is different about me, that's all people will notice.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

SECOND NIAGARA POND PARTY!!!!, June 20 TH !!! 7:00 PM !!! NIAGARA FALLS !!! Posted: 6/3/2007 4:22:07 PM
Hi - I also noticed I was one of the youngest people at the last party (I'm 30, but I look a few years younger). Also the one piece of advice I'd like to offer is bring a dating buddy - a friend - so that you don't have to just stand there idly. If you look busy, laughing with your friend - it might entice a member of the opposite sex (if that is your desire) to come over and say hello. I went alone last time and I felt very ackward, but it was a great turn out.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 268 (view)

Cross your legs until he cancels his POF account#2! Posted: 2/20/2007 7:02:06 PM
Hello Stella....hell, that just sucks. And you know what? I've found that men will test just how far the boundaries go. It sucks that we have to be suspicious of men all the time, but it's better to be aware then completely ignorant that there is the possibility that they are continuing romantic liasions online, especially if they found you there. Eyes wide open... I don't necessarily agree that people should have to delete their profiles, however, hiding them or writing that they are seeing someone now right in their profiles is sufficient in my opinion for the beginnings of romances. To delete a profile wouldn't really be necessary until the relationship is a good 6 months or so along and pretty serious. Why delete a profile you might come back to in 6 months? Not many people wait more than 6 months to have sex either, I guess it depends on your own value system. This site is different as well, as some people maintain their accounts to contribute to these forums and it is completely innocent. I think that is true. I'd be idealistic if it wasn't for the fact that my ex husband was cyber cheating on me while we were married. LOL... Trust? What the heck is that?

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 628 (view)

A Few Extra Pounds Posted: 1/16/2007 5:38:35 PM
Hey Curveywench, who said...? "A few extra pounds Overewight with a capital 'o' and not nice to see naked BBW Cant get in a normal car, can't sit in a regular chair and has hygiene issues" I can't believe that people can be so ignorant. I know I get into my nice normal sized car just fine, I sit in a nice normal sized chair at work and I smell like dove and eternity moment. I am pretty sure that those comments from whoever wrote that list would piss a lot of BBW's off. Thanks.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 596 (view)

A Few Extra Pounds Posted: 1/14/2007 4:16:30 PM
"At least i'm not so big and fat that i have to hide behind a picture of an animal and your high profile job is more bullshit, you could do just like i did with my photo to keep from having your face seen." Haven't you ever heard of the term butterface? I don't particularily like the term, but maybe that applies to you and that's why you'd choose to blur your face. It's just a theory that I have... Stop taking aim at other people and look at yourself for a long while in the mirror. I have been overweight my entire life and I've had all sorts of boyfriends. My last boyfriend exclusively preferred big women, something about making love to a big woman did it for him. If it doesn't do it for you or anyone else on here that prefers to date thin women, just date thin women and don't bag on those who prefer the big girls. It's ignorant, insensitive and immature to say the least.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 589 (view)

A Few Extra Pounds Posted: 1/14/2007 1:12:38 PM
"Someone who is more than 10-15 pounds overweight, does not actually qualify for BBW.... " It's even more complicated then that... lets consider people's height and frames before making a judgment about what qualifies as a few pounds overweight. I'm both tall and large boned (framed) so to me, 30 pounds overweight would be a few extra pounds. However someone who was 100 pounds if they put on 10 pounds that would probably do the same thing as 20 or 30 on someone who should be 180 pounds. I can lose 20 pounds in a month and no one could tell the difference from 20 pounds ago because I'm a bigger girl. Just depends on what you are working with from the outset. Even beyond average, a few extra pounds and BBW there are at least three different catagories of BBW and then even supersized catagories... weights are approximate and fluctuate with height and frame, but for example, small BBW (200-250), medium BBW (250-300) and large BBW (300-350) and then supersized BBW catagory of someone at least 350 or larger. If a BBW can be anywhere from 200-400 pounds (approx)...how fair is it for the whole gammut of weights to be labelled the same??? Is that also what might be leading some people to call themselves a few extra pounds when they are probably more likely a small or medium BBW to avoid that whole assumption that BBW are just generally huge people...?? It does seem like BBW as a label has a stigma... is it a fair one? I don't think so. Why can't people who have a fuller body be sexy? I know a few guys that think big is sexy. Forget the health factors for a second, and consider that there are human beings behind these bigger bodies and we need love too.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 346 (view)

When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS Posted: 10/22/2006 4:41:06 PM
I've never had a friend that grew to become a lover.... Either there is sexual attraction or their isn't for me. I've had lovers that became my friends, but that is somehow different...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Sex Yes! giving up being single no way! Posted: 10/21/2006 9:01:21 AM
Sometimes I'm torn too... I look at some of my friends who are dating around and I think hey that might be fun - but then I remember that I tried that once and it didn't make me feel very good about myself. Some people aren't good at committment, some people need to sow their wild oats, whatever one's reason is for remaining single but continuing to play...but I still think that in the end everyone is still looking for "the one" and would give up singlehood and/or casual sex for a piece of perfection - whatever that means to them (possibly someone who could knock their socks off - so to speak). I bet even the most cynical person who is against committment such as several are on this thread have the potential to lose themselves in someone. Perhaps that is the fear too.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Guys who push too far too fast. Posted: 10/18/2006 7:43:04 PM
I also often get the pushy guys, the ones who give lots of compliments and try to force the meeting issue like on the very first conversation without really trying to get to know me. If they do that, I don't trust them and stop talking to them almost immediately. There are some I give the benefit of the doubt too, but basically it comes down to respect for me. If a guy has respect for me, he'll want to get to know me and it won't be all about meeting me asap which almost always sounds like he is just looking for sex. I am not really as cynical as I am coming off, but this is just a tried and true receipe...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

What is the most romantic thing your significant other could do for you? Posted: 10/17/2006 6:57:13 PM
Not many men in my life have been very romantic, but the nicest things I can think of are basically doing things for me for no reason. I am a big believer in surprises, I give them so it would be nice to get them too. There is a whole gammut of possibilities in surprises land...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 273 (view)

Would u date at guy or marry guy who is in the military? Posted: 10/15/2006 6:26:27 AM
I haven't ever dated a guy who was in the military, but my mom keeps telling me I should. For one, I'm pretty independent (also financially), so it would be ok with me if my husband was away for long periods of time, as long as he came home eventually. For another reason, many military men who have been overseas and witnessed some of the sights of war or participated in them come back with emotional trauma often in the form of Post Traumatic Stress, and as it happens, I am studying to be a therapist, I'll be a counsellor in 7 months and hopefully graduate school after that - I am well equipt to handle such issues (as in I can be empathetic and helpful). Finally, I have a great respect for anyone what would put themselves in harms way to protect others. I don't think there is a scarier profession to be in, but so important.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 214 (view)

Better SEX: Before or After 30? Posted: 10/14/2006 9:54:41 AM
I'm pretty sure dirty 30's was in reference to the depression in the 1930's but hey...lol Anyway, as to this thread, I just turned 30 this summer and I do have to say the sex is better for me now a days, you know, when I can get a guy to keep up with me. When I was in my early 20's and the guys where at their prime I couldn't keep up with them. I guess that's where my desire for a 20 something guy comes from. LOL...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

Not ready for a relationship right now Posted: 10/14/2006 9:38:24 AM
I haven't heard that line in my dating life nor have I used it, but I think if I did hear it I would believe it to be a line just to get out of telling the truth of the matter - for example that they didn't find me suitable as a girlfriend. Also since I do know several people who are seeing (aka sleeping with) people that don't want a relationship right now, I know that sex does seem to be part of the not wanting a relationship right now mix, aparently sex isn't a relationship. I don't happen to agree, but I guess that is why I haven't heard the line or used the line before. LOL. I'm sure I'd just say I wasn't interested.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

The difference between Romance and Intimacy Posted: 10/14/2006 9:27:22 AM
I agree with a lot of what most posters are saying in this thread. Romance is generally seen as the actions that people take in a relationship that are supposed to lead to the soul to soul connection or intimacy. Sometimes the actions are of a wildly romantic nature and sometimes the actions are mildly romantic but either way they are all done generally to move to a more deeper connection with someone. A more concrete example would be if a guy suprises a girl he likes with a present, one reason may be a way to provoke more interest from the girl or perhaps those "romantic" actions are leading to a deeper understanding between the two - he is trying to show her his deeper feelings for her with this gift, perhaps, and that may strengthen their intimate connection. What does online dating do for romance? well, I can say that may people have difficultly expressing themselves verbally with men and women, and online, during faceless encounters, often there is more ease in conversations and people can say how they really feel without getting embarrased or self conscious. Like a testing ground. Sometimes having the ability to share feelings is something romantic leading to that deeper intimate connection.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 81 (view)

Will a non smoker date a smoker ? Posted: 10/13/2006 5:50:39 PM
I was raised in a smoking house and I very much believe as a result I am asthmatic. When I lived at home, my mom had to start making my sister and father smoke in designated areas of the house and not in the regular living areas because of my breathing difficulties. I have dated a smoker once or twice and it was always difficult. My last boyfriend had quit smoking not long before we started dating but he had an occasional cheat cigarette and I always knew because I could taste it when we kissed even days later! I can't even be near people smoking without being affected by it (coughing, eyes watering, breathing difficulty that actually affects me for days later too). So the idea of dating someone who would have to be away from me once an hour seems too much (or too little) to me. I go to the bars on the weekend and me and my one non smoker friend are always inside when the 6 or 8 other friends are outside smoking their life away. We do feel left out. I don't want to disclude guys who smoke, but it's really comes down to me or the smoking and I would not ask a guy to make that choice (if they even could). So I make it very clear in my profile that I won't date smokers and why.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

Do woman like Guitarists? Posted: 10/11/2006 5:10:29 PM
I know why I like a guy who plays the guitar....besides it being pretty sexy, I am learning to play myself and would love to be able to jam with my man...lol

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

What EXACTLY is a cougar?? Posted: 10/11/2006 5:07:54 PM
Age wise, my understanding is a woman over the age of 35 that likes to date 20-somethings is deemed a "cougar". There is also the fun 30-35 year old woman term of "cougar in training" when she also dates 20-somethings. Usually it's based on a good space between ages, like a ten years. I would not consider a few years age difference anything near cougarville. In no way does that equate to a tramp. Bite your tongue OP.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

The EX is in the past, right? Posted: 10/11/2006 5:01:32 PM
I would imagine there are some unresolved feelings there, but not neccessarily good feelings. I have been in a similar situation and he did talk about his ex about how much he hated her and it probably was because at one time there was love. I believe that there is no hate without there first being love. But many times there is just so much bitterness there, for many reasons and people need to talk about it, resolve the feelings, but it takes time. It might be an idea to encourage partners to talk about their ex's, get all those unresolved feelings on the table so that they can be worked on. I am not the one in that relationship, so I don't know all the details, but there are two ways that it could go. You could be right and he really just wants her back but he can't have her so he complains about it while he "screws" your friend, or he could just need more time to work it all out. Cheers.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 78 (view)

Would you consider a relationship with someone that you aren't attracted to? Posted: 10/7/2006 8:33:44 PM
I would like to address message #62... "Trust me, ladies, ....do what ever it takes to stay thin...even if it means starving yourselves or putting your own life at risk. Men do not want fat women, no matter how nice you are." Please, whoever you are, get help. Seriously. Anyone reading that, please ignore her comments. I've been overweight all of my life, and I don't particularly like it, but I've had lots of boyfriends and I get emails from guys all the time on here. Although I haven't found Mr. Right, I don't think it has anything at all to do with my weight. This poster (sweeteroticangel) is desperate for men to be attracted to her and for all the wrong reasons. If she needs to lose 200 pounds, go all out with sexy lingerie and other clothes and makeup just to get a guy to have sex with her (which he still hasn't according to her post) then it ain't never gonna happen. Even if it did, would she really all of a sudden be happy? No. She has zero self esteem. If she were my friend, I would strongly suggest to her that she needs to take the hint and move on. Once she has reconcilled that it isn't her fault that her husbands didn't want her sexually (probably through years of therapy) then she can move on and find someone who does appreciate her. Right now though, that's a lot of years of damage those guys have helped inflict on her. We can't help who we are attracted to and who is attracted to us...all we can do is try to find who we match with. If he ain't attracted to you now, it's very unlikely he ever will be. Attraction (whether it be sexually based or not) is innate. It comes from within and that just doesn't change much.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 90 (view)

What does low maintainence actually mean? Posted: 10/7/2006 5:12:45 PM
Jeepdude, I never considered the high maintenance/low maintenance lifestyle versus personality. It did confuse me to read - I don't know too many people that are like that. Usually if you are high maintenance, you are in general. My definition of high maintenance encompasses both how you expect to be treated and how you treat yourself. Same for low maintenance in a way. For example, to me someone who requires constant attention, reassurance, calls, dates, flowers and gifts, time, energy, exclusitivity along with requiring the best things for themselves from the best clothes, nicest cars, best people around them is very high maintenance and requires a lot of extra work on the part of the significant other. Someone low maintence can support themselves, doesn't need constant attention, trusts their significant other, is laid back, independent, wears clothes that are comfortable/attractive that they can afford, lives a lifestyle they can personally afford - this type of person doesn't require a lot of extra work, nor do they expect that from their significant other. I really like the car analogy too...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

Forget not having a car or a job, would you date someone who doesn't have a brain? Posted: 10/7/2006 4:37:47 PM
I think most people tailor their conversations to the percieved level of intelligence of the person they are talking to (whether they are doing it consciously or not), but if there must be effort to dumb down a conversation with my significant other, there is a problem there. I have had this occasion and after a few months of it, I just felt like I couldn't be myself with the person. There is no need to be exactly at the same level, but if it is significantly different, it's just not fun after a while. The best kinds of conversations is where the verbal sparring is back and forth and it's intelligent and rousing.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

anyone return to post secondary school as an adult?how did it go? Posted: 10/7/2006 4:19:07 PM
I went back to school at 28, I am currently in my senior year at Kings College at the University of Western Ontario. I am sooooo happy I am close to graduating. It is difficult to go back to school after working and having money to being so broke it's not funny. But, I am considering taking my masters degree part-time after I'm done my undergraduate degree - I think it was the best decision I ever made. If you are pushing 30 or even pushing 40, it is never too late! Just by getting this degree, I am giving myself the chance to double the salary I made the last year I worked full-time and it can only go up from there. If anyone isn't sure, try doing it part-time for a year or so, I did part-time back when I was 26 and 27 and then got the nerve to go full-time and get 'er done.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

What Kind Of Fruit Are You? Posted: 10/4/2006 7:48:26 PM
I feel less of a mango because there are so many other mango's on here....how can I compete with all the other luscious, exotic and sinfully sweet...ladies who inspire passion and lust in everyone we meet...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

Would you consider a relationship with someone that you aren't attracted to? Posted: 10/3/2006 7:48:36 PM
The whole point of most relationships is that it leads to intimacy. If I didn't feel attracted enough to a guy to want to sleep with him and I didn't feel he was attracted to me - then what's the point in dating that person????? Therefore, attraction is essential. It doesn't have to be earth shattering, but that would be loads of fun to find...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Should it really be about change! Posted: 10/3/2006 6:18:34 PM
OP, I'm not sure what your point is exactly...are you saying that people should discuss their positive and negative qualities instead of just going ahead and trying to change flaws? Or should people just recognize flaws and once they do they should just break up with the person because trying to change someone doesn't work? I also can't tell if someone tried to change you or if you just can't stand certain flaws in others. Either way...hello...do you realize how complicated you are making things?? Maybe people get into a relationship and really want it to work out but there are certain things about the other that are troublesome. So, to maintain a longer term relationship, they make an effort to effect small changes in the person. Sometimes it means making changes in themselves too, you know, like compromise. I do agree though that if you are seeing more flaws then positives, you are probably in the wrong relationship. Intead of fighting like crazy to change the person so the balance tips the other way, it's time to break up.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 226 (view)

If you're single and not dating, what's your reason? Posted: 10/3/2006 1:34:43 PM
Dating isn't as fun as people make it out to be. Sure, if you meet someone really cool and you get to see interesting things and go interesting places - but we all know that you do have to kiss a lot of frogs (or do your best to avoid kissing the frog and get yourself home as fast as possible) before you meet that special someone. So that's why I am not dating more than I am...just being selective.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 427 (view)

I'm Not Attracted To Men My Age.... * Posted: 10/3/2006 1:24:29 PM
As long as I continue to look young, I'll probably continue to attract the younger set. I do prefer younger men, not a lot younger, but younger than me. I can't even fathom dating someone in their late thirties or early forties unless they looked a lot younger, it just wouldn't look right. I don't want to be dating someone that looks like he could be my father. I have never actually dated someone my own age... at the same time, any huge difference in age (as in like 8 or more years) creates so many other issues. Generational issues, kids, ex wives, business and money issues, energy levels (this goes either way, not just older man, younger woman). However, I have a cousin who is married to a man that is the same age as her own father, but the guy has never looked or acted his age and so they fit well because of that. I know a few couples where the woman is 10 years the senior to her husband and that is working for them pretty well too, it just depends on the people. Matching is based on more than a number, its about soooo much more then that.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Can someone help me to understand men? Posted: 10/2/2006 6:36:03 PM
All guys want sex...but it's the one that will wait until you are ready, no matter how long that is, those are the keepers. And they do exist.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 416 (view)

I'm Not Attracted To Men My Age.... * Posted: 10/2/2006 6:32:02 PM
"The solution to my dating problem is also simple: I need to find the kind of woman that would never use online dating to meet people... because the ones that do only use it to fool around." Then go away.... Besides, you are just full of crap anyway... And to discuss this thread...I like my men looking young, not necessary actually young...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 549 (view)

A Few Extra Pounds Posted: 9/30/2006 4:50:36 PM
Shinxy....screw the guidelines... When I was younger, I heard that I had such a pretty face, if I only lost weight, I'd be so pretty. Screw that too. When I got older, I started being told I was beautiful by lots of different men without the conditions. Beautiful is in the eye of the beholder. Behold yourself as beautiful first and foremost and the rest is just gravy. About the hypnotist thing...I have never heard of it working, the problem is that hypnotizing can only help with the behaviors that make you gain weight or keep it on. If behaviors isn't your problem, hypnotizing can't really help. I can see it helping people who overeat at dinner and oversnack or are compulsive eaters. It might also help motivating people to exercise, building in a suggesting into the unconscious that they want to exercise. But either way, people still have to make a conscious choice to eat smaller meals and eat the right things, and to get up and go to the gym on a regular basis...there is no way hypnosis could cover everything.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 211 (view)

How many times a day can you handle havin sex??!!! Posted: 9/30/2006 4:38:31 PM
[Went for a whole weekend once, only stopping to eat food and drink... Literally all weekend] We should all be so lucky...where is my energizer bunny? I can usually outlast my boyfriends. Especially recently, I don't know if it's the just turning 30 thing, but there sure is a difference from my youth.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

I want to get married!! Posted: 9/30/2006 1:38:22 PM
Well, this thread probably should have been deleted a while ago, but I wasn't. So perhaps we should take this as an opportunity to talk about marriage and why or why not to get married. I bet everyone knows a couple or two that have lived together for the last twenty years blissfully unmarried. How can they do that? How can two people just stay together without ever saying "I do". Look at Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins, Oprah and Stedman and Goldie Hawn and whats his name. THey are all blissfully unmarried for many many years. I remember Oprah said the only reason she would get married was to have children and since she is beyond that pretty much now, does that mean she'll never get married, but she'll stay living with Stedman like they were married? I was married once several years ago now. I believed in marriage idealistically when I was 21 and now I believe in marriage realistically. It is something that should be taken very seriously and shouldn't be entered into lightly, but I do plan to do it again. I remember reading from another post that there is nothing like having sex with someone you are in love with. I happen to agree, there is no greater intimacy, there is no greater connection. But whether it needs to include the official "I do's" I really don't know for sure. I know my parents would be pretty upset with me if I lived with a guy and didnt get married, but it's not my parents life, everyone has to do with is right for them.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 545 (view)

A Few Extra Pounds Posted: 9/30/2006 11:15:51 AM
Peggy, it is horrendous that anyone would write you an email just to put you down - This is a message to all you jackasses out there that feel the need to write such horrible things to another human being - you just wait.....karma is a btch If you don't like a few extra pounds on a woman, a lot of few extra pounds or a very large woman, just skip over their profiles - don't be like these **holes. The heavier women of the world don't want a guy that doesn't like our figures anyway. And as to this thread, it is shameful to force a label in the first place. A few extra pounds is whenever you feel yourself that you could stand to lose a few pounds. No one has the right to tell another person their ideal of what a few extra pounds is. If you are happy with your body, whatever you may look like, you will be sooooo much happier.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Could you go back out with your ex? Posted: 9/30/2006 10:54:13 AM
I agree with mustangsally, please ignore the spark. There are certain ex's that have getting back together with potential - it is rare. People do break up for reasons. Sometimes it's because of infidelity - if thats the case, the trust is broken and thus there is nothing to go back to. If the reason was incompatability - that is fundamental and thus people don't change that much for it to ever work out. If the reason was some annoyances, like maturity issues, ego issues, not putting the toilet seat down annoyances or anything that people could possibly grow out of - there is a chance of working that out, maybe - even that takes some compromise. If the relationship ended because there was a lack of spark there - that's never good and sparks cannot be forced. If the relationship ends because you despise who the person is as a person - another bad sign, again people don't change that much. There are other really valid reasons for breaking up - timing, distance, consequences, age, and a few other things that could feasibly change in importance as the years go on. Therefore, the OP needs to realize that there are much better men out there, men who'd never cheat, and would put her first and their relationship first. These relationships do exist...don't settle. Oh, that also goes for all the people in the world....expect more from your relationships then just "for now" or "they will change"....

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 118 (view)

Any bbw hypocrites? Posted: 9/28/2006 7:29:24 PM
To be a hypocrite, I'd have to expect all men to ignore my bigger-ness and date me and then in turn I'd refuse to date a big guy because he was heavy.... I don't refuse to date heavy men...I do prefer a more average sized man. I have dated heavier men, I did have an intimate relationship with one of them, and he had a large gut and it got in the way in certain sexual positions. That, however, can be remedied, but I'd rather be with someone I could be intimate with in any position with ease. A little meat on a man never hurt though, I am just saying a big gut would be a slight problem for me. I also don't really like the look of a big gut. But guys that are my age rarely have a huge gut anyway...at least not many I have come across.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

Thin fella's and bigger women!! Whats the deal ?? Posted: 9/27/2006 7:46:37 PM
Don't feel bad Jmn120176 I have a lot of the same issues, from a bigger woman's perspective towards thin guys. I do sometimes have a difficult time because who is attracted to me isn't whom I find attractive. Most of the time, I really try to ignore that side of me otherwise I wouldn't date much at all. Actually, I didn't date for a few years partially because of that. It wasn't due to lack of interest, just not the interest I thought I was looking for. Recently, I ended up dating someone who was half my size and found myself oddly attracted to him even when I didn't begin that way. Sometimes I think I stayed away from thin guys because of the size difference and what people would think and sometimes I think I stayed away from thin guys because I thought (unconsciously maybe) that thin guys just weren't a match for me. I honestly still don't know. Then of course it runs the other way, the type of guy I like doesn't find my type attractive. It sucks. I guess it comes down to a little compromise. Maybe that means maturity, maybe it just means becoming more realistic.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Have you seen your EX recently? Posted: 9/27/2006 7:28:21 PM
Go with your instinct Toby...remember what he did to you tossing you out of his bed like that...if he did it once, he'll do it again, once he doesn't need you anymore...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

need some input please Posted: 9/27/2006 5:15:12 PM
[/He said "what relationship, your not my girlfriend"..ouchh that hurts, he doesn't even want to have sex with her] Um...how many more signs does she need to get it....he is practically screaming it to her that he is just using her for somewhere to stay and be fed.

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Have you seen your EX recently? Posted: 9/27/2006 4:56:56 PM
Sometimes seeing your ex again after a few weeks or months helps to solidify why you broke up with him in the first place...... ...you know just in case you were thinking there were residual feelings.... I'm also with merriemoe who said: /"Probably best to not see him.... maybe not for many years, Like when I'm married with a man who adores me and hopefully looking fabulous ! "

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

From San Francisco to Toronto...just for sex?? Posted: 9/25/2006 5:23:42 PM
Duplicate

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

From San Francisco to Toronto...just for sex?? Posted: 9/25/2006 5:19:14 PM
Instead of walking out when you pushed him away...he could have forced the issue....now that would have been worse.....

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

need some input please Posted: 9/25/2006 2:01:08 PM
I agree with Oldschoolqueen, you are right to be nervous, secrets are bad and there really is no good reason why he should keep that information from this "friend". I also don't think it's a problem to have friends, online friends...but there are lines that must not be crossed... But also...why oh why was it necessary to move him in so fast...? But that is probably a whole other thread...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

What the cause for perfect relationships to end Posted: 9/25/2006 1:55:18 PM
Darkangel...She wants her cake and eat it too. It is pretty obvious that she is confused... if she were an honest person she would just tell you she needs to be alone (or with someone else) instead of dragging you on a line and possibly reel you in if she gets her shit together. That is frankly unfair to you. Also if she does this now, there is a fairly good chance she will do it again if she does come back to you - ask yourself if this is really the kind of person, kind of relationship you want to be involved in. If you like to be jerked around, by all means...stick by her...if not...get out, get some distance and get a backbone. I do know from experience because I did the jerking around once, I wasn't sure about the relationship so I kept him on a string, and he didn't deserve that, as a good person I realized that and rectified it, but not everyone are good people. Also, people (women in particular) very rarely tell you the whole story...don't forget that...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 236 (view)

can you trust some one once they cheat? Posted: 9/24/2006 3:00:29 PM
I'm a firm believer in the "you teach people how you want to be treated" idea, so if you accept someone's affair, you are teaching him or her that it is okay to cheat and they will do it again with much likelihood. By eliminating him or her from your life you take the power and control back and teach them that this is a "deal breaker" to quote another post. Perhaps the cheater will think twice in future relationships, but they will never get the chance to do it to you again...

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 153 (view)

Returning gifts when the relationship ends Posted: 9/24/2006 2:31:25 PM
So Jess has decided to return the tickets. Okay...good... I think people were misunderstanding what she wrote, I believe that she was just holding on to her portion of the tickets. Technically, I believe they are hers, as gifts, those seats at the concert, they are tangible. A good person would return the tickets, so if she does return the tickets she did the right thing and karma won't bite her in the ass...for that anyway. Now the one day looking up at him and he looked kinda fat and so they broke up thing, oh Karma will kick her ass one day for that one...see she has to be diluted to think it was a mutual decision. She says in another post she actually told him the that she wasn't attracted to him anymore and said she was being open and honest with him and it was a mutual decision to break up...okay right... what would she have done if he wanted to stick it out with her after hearing she are repulsed by his few extra pounds? Fact is, he wouldn't have wanted to stay with her after hearing that...by saying that she wasn't attracted to him anymore she technically put the breaking up out of her own hands and thereby claimed a clear conscious by not having to actually hatchet the relationship herself. What she did was manipulate the situation in her favour. That is why karma will bite her later on....

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 34 (view)

Break up once and its over.... Posted: 9/24/2006 6:27:28 AM
Daydream girl - I havent been in that position before, where there was someone that I truly wanted to be with, loved, and the obstacle was time or timing - if there was, I think I'd try to be patient and just try to wait it out, but fight for it. because true love is very hard to find, I don't think I'd want to give it up if I ever found it. Of all the stories I've read, I believe in yours the most. The best reason to reunite is because it was not the two of you together that was the problem. That means a whole lot, I think. It sounds like you want to work it out, what are you waiting for? Will there be a time when both of you will be freer to spend time together?

amberkings

Joined: 1/18/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

How Long Before Sex? Posted: 9/23/2006 3:58:04 PM
Neomitch....good gawd...making out and then straight to the sex...what about everything in between?????

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