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Thread: Why did he do this?

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Why did he do this? Posted: 4/27/2009 6:12:17 PM
Okay, I just wanted to add my two cents. First and formost, you are not doing yourself any favors by deciding you will never be able to forgive this guy. When we refuse to forgive someone who do you think it hurts? YOU! You're the one carrying the weight of the unforgiveness and not allowing yourself to get on with your life and find what you need elsewhere. You're the one allowing the hurt to taint other potentially happy relationships. Think about him, getting on with his life and doing whatever he has to do - the unforgiveness you hold onto does not make a difference in his day. But it can eat away at you. It can affect your outlook and your feelings about other people (not just potential mates), and that's not fair to you. You don't need that negativity. You need to figure out how to heal yourself so you can be free to be happy again. Many of us have gone through the same thing or similar. Listened the same excuses, but then heard what we wanted to hear, perhaps because we were blinded by what we thought was reciprocated love. Sometimes one or both individuals realize their feelings are not the same. It sounds like he was just trying to gradually wean you once he realized he was not cut out to be the one to be there for you, especially with everything you had going on. The thing that helped me personally after the end of a 2 yr relationship with a few similar symptoms is focusing on what I learned! Yeah, I hated him and blamed him for a minute, but I came to terms with mistakes he and I both made, decided to finally set him free (I mean in my mind, stop holding him to the promises he'd made), realize we weren't meant for each other, and be happy for what I learned about myself and other people! ALSO, you say you don't know what you'd do if he came back (that sounds all too familiar). What you'd need to be doing is getting on with your life and not waiting and hoping he'll come to his senses and realize how much he loves you/needs you/whatever. Stop trying to contact him! It is the honest truth that if a man wants something (i.e. you) he will find a way to get it. You don't need to waste time begging and pleading for some man to call you (not saying you are) - deal with the ones who will! Focus on what you need to do in your life to make you happy. When you're busy doing that, sometimes the person who's meant to be by your side just shows up, and then when it's right, it's not forced, it just works :) Hope that helps a little.

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 90 (view)

Guys with kids Posted: 4/23/2009 6:11:28 PM
I'm in my 30's and I don't have kids. I think you have to be truthful and realistic with yourself and the potential romantic interest who has kids. If you can't handle being a second or even third priority at least SOME of the time, this kind of relationship is not for you. I know - I was in a long term relationship w/ a guy who had kids. I accepted it because he seemed to take good care of them - as a woman I felt this was a reflection of his character. You should absolutely not apologize for your situation and for being a proud/responsible father. But please realize that not everyone feels they're cut out for this type of relationship - that doesn't make them a bad person (although it would be nice, if this were, in fact, the reason they dropped communication, if they would read profiles thoroughly from the beginning and not waste your time). I agree with other posters - better to have nipped it in the bud/ eliminated that option early before you or they get attached - for you, them, AND your kids. AND there are definitely women out there, with and without kids who won't have any problem with it!

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 86 (view)

What are women really looking for? Posted: 4/22/2009 3:27:17 PM
I concur varune!

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 85 (view)

What are women really looking for? Posted: 4/22/2009 3:26:48 PM
well said, fashionlady.

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Replies are fickle and minimal Posted: 4/15/2009 8:02:37 PM
maybe lots of the women here are scared to follow thru because they think they'll be rejected if you meet them in person. Or maybe they're scared they'll be abducted (just trying to lighten things up).

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Replies are fickle and minimal Posted: 4/15/2009 7:59:10 PM
I think lots of people can appreciate dry sarcasm (if it's not mean and they don't feel it's an attack on them). I don't think people are "scared off". Honestly I haven't been on here that long and several of the guys I've talked to have told me they don't get any messages or responses to their messages. So I wouldn't just assume it's some flaw with you or your profile.

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Replies are fickle and minimal Posted: 4/15/2009 7:45:26 PM
Don't get down on yourself - seems that either you're blending in too much with the crowd, and don't get noticed, or you're too "out there" (not you personally) for the mainstream to understand. I just went in and trimmed back some of the more "scholastic" sounding stuff from my profile so I wouldn't seem too boring. I'm thinking I should stick with meeting guys in person.

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

new girl - requesting review Posted: 4/15/2009 6:59:21 PM
'kay, I edited some things out, clarified a few things, and I'm going to post more pics -uh - anybody else got input?

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

new girl - requesting review Posted: 4/15/2009 6:27:06 PM
shee - that bad?

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

new girl - requesting review Posted: 4/15/2009 6:26:40 PM
thank you - I had a feeling I was coming off like Mario (from the old school video game) with the little mallet :)

Joined: 3/29/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

new girl - requesting review Posted: 4/15/2009 6:18:52 PM
Okay I've just read some of the tips posted here and it seems like I'm committing a foul in my profile - list(s) which may be perceived negatively - would love some input before I get a lot of "click overs".

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