How Do You Know if you should wait to buy or refinance? chat & forums.

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Thread: How Do You Know if you should wait to buy or refinance?

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

How Do You Know if you should wait to buy or refinance? Posted: 4/12/2013 12:59:56 AM
i decided to refinance to get some money out of my house, so i could fix it and then sell it asap. i am worried that if i wait too long, i will get more money for my house, but my next and last house will also be more money and the rates may go up. my current house is too large and too costly. plus there is flood insurance. the window of opportunity is to sell at a decent price and buy at an even more decent price. if you want to stay in the area but the goal is to downsize, assuming your have not lost too much or could go into foreclosure,then sell. if you plan to move out of area altogether soon, then refinance. a good mortagage banker will show you your breakeven points and also look at your tax advantages. if you roll the points into the mortgage, you might have to wait longer for tax advantages. if only three years to go, you might want lower interest AND a shorter term mortgage or a five year arm with interest only. but, these are not necessarily good for longer term.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Strange mail - some sort of scam? Or just odd? Posted: 4/12/2013 12:55:00 AM
she may have bookmarked your profile due to something you wrote. i have made many female and male "friends" here. if you did not see it, she may have erased it by then. a lot of people here, in fact i 'd venture most, lie about their ages. but yes, she could be a scammer. ask admin to investigate if it continues. they can read the mail with your permission. but, she provided no links, etc. so how exactly is she scamming? just don't answer her to be sure. hmm.. just saw your last comment. maybe a transvestite? a lot of those here as well. oh well, they will investigate.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 81 (view)

Your last glass of wine Posted: 4/12/2013 12:51:32 AM
hmm. i thought you were going twelve step, by the title!

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 133 (view)

Do men really prefer blondes.? Does it matter if it is bleached? Posted: 4/12/2013 12:49:48 AM
my guy is blonde and he prefers brunettes. i always have been attracted to blondes or men with blue or green eyes. also dimples and a cleft chin. he has it all. sigh..... but neither of us, made it a priority. still, it did foster the attraction.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Hunting pics Posted: 4/12/2013 12:47:00 AM
i even rescue bugs and my goal is to be vegan. that being said, hunters often eat less meat than people who shop for cows in the supermarket. would one flaunting a pic with a dead animal or fish attract me? absolutely not. would i date a hunter? probably could not handle it. do i judge a hunter who is a real hunter and not going for trophies? yes, as long as a good shot and did not wound or torture an animal. would i prefer this was not the way of the world and that i was already a vegan as i still eat some poultry and fish? absolutely. does my boyfriend eat meat? yes, but not at my house. did my ex husbands? yes, we used different pots and i did not cook it. we all have our attractions and preferences. i do judge people who only hunt to hang dead heads on their walls. they are trying to stop cage hunting in texas where they take a wild animal, let it loose, so some jerk can then shoot it and feel good about themselves. that to me is sickening, as is dog fighting, etc. these are not hunters, these are wannabees.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

copying accents Posted: 4/12/2013 12:40:43 AM
don't feel bad. i spend so much time with my pit bull during the week, lately i've begun to bark and go up the stairs with him on all fours. okay just kidding, well maybe :) my ex was from scotland. he sounded more and more like a brooklyn jew (me) as the years went by. not sure if i lived in scotland, i would have picked up their dialect. some have a knack for language. i pick up expressions, but not the accents.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 204 (view)

Shorter man Taller woman Posted: 4/12/2013 12:23:10 AM
in my youth at 5'10", i dated a guy 5'6". back then this was not the norm. so, when we doubled we'd pretend we were with the other person's partner as he was 6'4" and my girlfriend 5'0". they did look a little odd as well, but nobody questioned them, as they did us. then along came dustin hoffman who was dating a model and after that, i'd be damned if i waited around for a taller man. then of course tom cruise, not my favorite person, but a good example. before i moved here and got married, dated a guy 5'8". thing was he carried himself very well and confidently and was a great dancer and could easily lead me. my ex was 6'8". to be frank he looked just as different as the shorter one! of my past 3 adult relationships only one was my height. first boyfriend after my divorce and current are around 6'2". one is more muscular, one more slim like a runner. yes, it feels a bit better in general to have someone taller than me. but, i don't put height any higher on my list than the many other things that i look for in a man: eyes, smile, brain, touchy feely type, good kisser, has my back, good to kids and pets, funny. then again, when lying down, who knows the difference? as to strength, height is not necessarily a measure of that or of any other measures, if you catch my subtle drift:) recently a show on tv, had a mom born with no legs. her husband was huge. he was drawn to her personality and diligence. their kid too was tall. ps not every woman wants money as indicated in other posts, unless maybe she had none of her own:) what i did want though, was intelligence and a good "energy".

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 136 (view)

Dateing in your 70ies Posted: 4/10/2013 3:02:59 PM
i have two friends 70 and i might add who are both interesting role models for me as i near 65. neither one does the botox/filler journey which i admit i do to help look younger, but both make choices and live accordingly. one had a wonderful husband for over 40 years. she is an active professional and leads many groups. she is not interested in meeting a man. plus, her husband was successful and gorgeous and she'd just like to leave the memory at that. the other one dates several at a time and then focuses on one. she belongs to some sort of scientific dating site. she is very physically fit, although looks her age. still she dates men in their early 60's and that solves the problem for her. i might add that they "look" older. she does branch out and travels to see the men she choses and vice versa often in different states and is open to moving. she too was married over 40 years and nursed a sick husband for ten years. boils down to how hard you want to try and how far you want to look. but then again, i have several beautiful female friends in their 40's, also unable to find men, and they are dating men the same age as the 70 year old! these men also don't look all that hot, but all are nice guys as are the women. not everyone has the same story. if i stuck with statistics, i never would have been successful in my mostly male profession, never adopted teens in my 50's and never met my current guy who is 6 years younger. i was not looking for him, he found me after recuperating from my prior breakup. so, bottom line: she has to want it and make it part of her plan and intention and then live her life in a manner that is conducive for it to happen. if she just hangs out with the girls, unless she is bi-sexual, she is more apt to hear a lot of whining. although, in retrospect, my single male friends, also whine a lot too!!! so stick with the winners and not the whiners:)

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

The problem with older people and long distance dating Posted: 4/10/2013 2:45:52 PM
my guy comes to me weekends. we are only 45 minutes away in non rush hour, but the road is too difficult for me with my lyme disease issues with proprioception-- plus, i have a larger space and live in a vacation area. that being said, now that i am forced to downsize for numerous reasons, i am thinking of moving over the hill to his area. still have not decided. would have to find a house and neighborhood i love and also would come back here on weekends, etc. fact is i am always working on this house and often don't get to enjoy the vacation features of where i live. i like the geography better here, but the people and activities better there being it's silicon valley. here a lot of drugs and drinking and more a party area given its history. by moving to him, we would see each other more during the week and better see where this relationship is going. sometimes it pays to keep your separate places and sometimes not. that's a personal decision with no rush if you are older in one sense in that already have your families. on the other hand, you might want to spend your last years more together than apart. still, many my age have "no" relationship, so it is all relative depending upon your attractibility and wanting a particular degree of intimacy "beyond sexual". i've never had problems finding men or dates even with my age and medical issues. but finding my best friend, and someone who has my back, is a jewel worth protecting. weigh your options and be realistic.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 111 (view)

Bedtime rule Question for men Posted: 4/10/2013 2:37:43 PM
at first i thought maybe he wants to "cuddle", but then wondering if you were on this site before you met and still here for friends and forums, or are you "looking"? if the latter, then maybe he wants you off the computer unsupervised. i'm a nite person but we take turns with our together time as with everything else in our lives that does not match each others preferences. bottom line, relationships take conscious effort and work. my guy can read my posts, email etc. if he wants on pof. can yours?

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 340 (view)

All these younger men... Posted: 3/5/2013 8:42:48 PM
a lot of the younger guys (eg 20 years younger) have heard about cougars and want some notches in their belts, as well as no drama sex. my son asked me why all the cougars are hitting on him. i explained to him about perimenopausal hormone surges and he smiled. he said, "mom, i don't know. they really are OLD!" he is 25. i once got hit on by a kid in a bar. gave him a big lecture and we worked on his college plan! had him practically in tears about his young girlfriend who broke up with him to join an S&M club. sad.......so, sure, there are exceptions but ain't talking about exceptions.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 123 (view)

Fear of getting naked? Posted: 3/5/2013 8:37:19 PM
it could be worse. if you were a man you would worry about your penis size or ED! i think it all boils down to living in denial about weight gain until you are put to the task:) i felt much better about myself after i lost weight. but almost three years later, i recently put on 15 pounds in six months. it doesn't seem to bother my boyfriend, but it sure bothers me. so, taking it right off again. i have learned my lesson. plus, i feel better with the weight off. i have a beautiful friend in her 40's who showed me her scars as well as her after pregnancy belly which is worse than most. she is in the beauty business and fears the aftermath of a botched surgery tuck as hers would be extensive. most of my friends with bigger boobs are now sagging and most maternity bellies have issues, even if thin like my friend. fact is most men have issues and most men and women have had spouses or partners. so, when you really fall for someone, it seems not to matter much. even tv stars look bad in real life nowadays. tv has us attuned to something that does not exist. can't air brush a real woman or a real man. if a guy gives a good massage and good in bed, his missing a donkey penis is pretty much the same issue. but, still they worry. so, look at it that way and even the "feelings" playing field.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 108 (view)

Does it matter if he lies about his age Posted: 3/5/2013 8:23:31 PM
i think i am the only person amongst my friends, both male and female, who did not lie about her age. i did lie about the exact date as it is personal info and could lead to identity theft. it annoyed the heck out of me. but, funniest thing is that my guy ended up being 6 years younger and all my lying female friends ended up with guys ten years older. guys tell me that even more than age, women "also" give really outdated pics and lie about weight. even funnier is that i swore i would never date a separated man due to a married man who lied to me. so, guess who i ended up with? took him almost two years to finalize his divorce. but, i knew he lived alone, etc. gotta have some flexibility and some humor. only way to know is to meet them and greet them:) then if needed do a search. i had my guys driver's license and neighbor took his plates before i even got into his car! ps if you tell the truth, chances are men/women won't put your age in their search if you are older. so, just do your own search, click on everyone and see who responds to your pic. don't even waste your time reading until you get a response! my guy found me on zoosk, looking at the section with new people. he never would have searched my age. he was dating women in their early 50's before me.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 127 (view)

Equal Education for ALL in the US? Posted: 2/21/2013 1:14:16 AM
in all the states i have lived in thus far, elementary through high school is funded by county property tax. thus, if you live in a rich county, not only do they have more $$$, but parents often can afford to chip in both time and more $$$. in the past, poorer areas got federal and state grants, but with the economy that has declined. iep's are given to smart kids with learning disablitites and can be a salvation, but many of the poorer kids have parents not familiar with the process of obtaining, so for example an ad/hd kid ends up in a behavioural class with little education and exposure to kids who are bad ass. that being said, rich bad ass kids seem to get away with more or the parents have the time/$$$, to put them in private school or with other alternatives. add drugs and drinking to the mix of an underfunded, understaffed school with poor infrastructure in a rich state with a dispersal of poor counties within it and the discrimination starts even before you get to college age. if a parent understands all this, they can then push the system to offer the kid in question more alternatives. eg iep's, charter schools, private schools with scholarships. note: iep's are individualized education plans for learning issues like ad/hd, dyslexia, auditory processing problems, etc. when the kid is smart but the environment does not address their special needs to learn.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

samsung note 2 Posted: 2/21/2013 12:59:31 AM
yes, i agree it is stronger. but, as explained in prior post, there are advantages to each and for me, i needed a good number of things that note 2 offered. we finally got some space technology thin film to prevent scratching with lifetime warrantee that is cut and wrapped around the entire phone w/o interference (ghost armor) and a rubbery case with a rim that if fallen protects the face from the pressure (ballistic). i like the otterbox best, but it does not fit well on the note 2 according to reviews. hopefully they will fix the problems. seems this is a general problem for note 2--not many cases were designed with it solely in mind. also still have to figure out how to carry in the dog park and on the beach. right now, i just leave it in my car as there are enough people around with cell phones to call if any emergency (we have had a few there). it also fits my pants with pockets, although not all my pants have pockets. you guys have less problems with that! so far, so good. still learning the many features from going low tech to high tech. so again, i believe many would prefer your choice, given different needs. moving and downsizing with my home computer dying, this choice for me, gives me the best of both worlds. plus it only cost $99. my friends all paid several hundred for note 2 over the past year. it also has really good security built into it and many apps that help with flood and earthquake emergency etc. i have been flash flooded and quite traumatized by that possiblity. but sprint offers yours as well! again, picked sprint due to unlimited data, free cell phone to cell phone calls irrespective of carrier, etc. up til now was an att loyalist and the change is rather odd at first.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 106 (view)

Normal to not have passion at this age? Posted: 2/21/2013 12:42:01 AM
not a question of normal. is it "healthy" for both participants? you decide for yourself. my experience, now seeing someone who cares for me over a long period of time, if the potential partner is into you, a way will be found. but yes, as you get older, the energy is not like it used to be. for example, we are geographically separated for now. i can't do the drive to his place given my lyme disease. the roads are so curvy even "normal" people have some trouble with them. so, he comes here for the weekend and i hop a bus to see him during the week if possible. we both put a lot into it. but, it is a chemistry and strong friendship factor the drives us. for some, they need "awakening" of passion, but it won't happen w/o motivation! aside from that he emails me every morning, we speak at lunchtime, after he gets out from work and before bedtime. not face to face, but ear to mouth. do we have any problems? sure. but we put the time and "face time" into working them out. by the way, i never heard of face time before. i was thinking at first you were talking about sexual preferences!!!

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

samsung note 2 Posted: 2/14/2013 2:02:49 AM
ha ramiott, i am so NOT a techie. my boyfriend is and i drive him nuts with all my questions (but he loves me, so he answers). he also has asked his friends. but we were both wavering on this one. i think techies just do stuff and know how to crawl out of a hole on auto pilot, plus they know dos commands. i, on the other hand, become enraged or panic. it takes a long time for me to learn, but once done, i find uses and ways to do things that are sophisticated. it just seems "logical' to me. the techie staff in my hospitals used to like me because i could explain the reason for why what they did were needed. but it took me a full day to learn to use a computer mouse and after that it became much easier! learning to use this phone is going to be a real trip for me! we are getting ghost-armor for the screen protector because they hand tailor it and put it on for you with a warrantee. then we are trying a ballistic SG for the case. i might have to get a different one for the dog park and beach. try holding the note, while pooper scooping:)

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Happy V-Day Posted: 2/14/2013 1:51:17 AM
thanks for this, i used to do it on holidays for other pofer's who had not yet met someone. trust me, you will :) i've had alone days, kid days and finally a boyfriend valentine day. it is corny, but he is taking off work to spend time with me, as last weekend, i was so sick. here, most single people are celebrating in groups. we may join my meetup friends and go dancing, after we play at having a date! most in the group are unattached. i must say the alone days, were actually very peaceful. i had a pof buddy and we'd call each other on holidays and commiserate. he is too far away to get together. forums make strange friends!

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

dating show, matchmaker millionaire Posted: 2/14/2013 1:44:45 AM
of course her advice is bogus. that is what makes her funny! but, you do need ny /nj humor to get it. i'm jewish and take no offense. she offers a stereotype which sadly does existn back east among "some". but, not sure she "is" the stereotype snf probably that is why she has so much trouble settling down. kind of like marilyn monroe acting stupid. all in all, i can't stand the drinking promoted by andy's after show and do find most of these reality shows stupid. but then again, so was abbot and costello. i just need some some comic relief with being single nowadays. and given the horror of the world condition. as for her gay comments, she says then as if she belongs. like my kids who are of color tell jewish jokes. i tell them be careful, others who don't know our family, will think you are out of line. my gay mail friends think she is funny (and stupid), but she does tick off my lesbian friends. where i live in santa cruz, it is the total opposite of southern ca, but you notice she does not fix up lesbian women, short of the one who was questioning. so, i alternate between ncis, criminal minds, patty type shows here and there and msnbc. for the rest, i read the papers and venture into real world. occasionally, we need some bizarre relief!

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

Reality TV Posted: 2/13/2013 1:01:41 AM
my life has demands and prioritizing and decision making. with lyme disease, it sometimes is unbearable. i find a few ways to release mindless tension. one is tv and the other is foruming:) in between, i get to make friends, find out some new stuff and just stare in disbelief! then i go back to the real world with a renewed sense of hope and a more humorous perspective. weltschmerz was a spelling bee word that pretty much describes my state of mind about the world at times. it is about sadness felt upon coming to grips with the difference between physical reality and the ideal state. but with some comic relief, i get off my butt and go do some fighting for what i believe in. i guess it puts deposits in my "emotional" bank account that often allows me to take life way too seriously. thus, i have more energy to indeed take life seriously. otherwise, i'd deplete.

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Returning to Study. Posted: 2/13/2013 12:50:20 AM
my kid learned more in high school, then i learned in college back then. but then again, i learned more doing than intellectualizing. still, i keep my kids old college books and read them to rev up to todays' times. as for your situation, your wisdom will help, once you adjust to the pace of a constant stream of info. you should have better skills/training than a younger person to edit and prioritize-- just takes getting used to doing. also, memory might be more difficult, but peg things you need to memorize with visuals and logical connections. i learned that a ways back with silva mind control, now called the silva method. so yes, it is probably harder but maybe not only due to age. it is maybe just "harder" given all the demands of today's techno world and it's rapid buzz and constant change. it will pay off!

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

dating show, matchmaker millionaire Posted: 2/13/2013 12:37:50 AM
tonite on tv, she explained that she finally met her man 8--9 months ago. where? on plenty of fish:) too too funny! she has mentioned match and that dating service for older people. this is the first time she has mentioned pof. i wonder if she gets paid for all this "advertising". she does say meeting someone online or via someone who referred an online contact is one of the best ways to meet. as for her personality? she's a forthright new yorker. a lot of that is humor, but does offend people here in CA. as a new yorker, my retort is here they prefer to say things "behind" your back. i also think she adds the insults for the tv audience. being blunt does not mean you have to been mean or demeaning. if you saw her on her own dates last year, she became a shy sweet girl. the difference between business and personal life pretty much makes sense to me. then again, i'm a new yorker. but, my boyfriend will attest that underneath my big mouth is someone quite "yin". i bet it is the same for her. also, i am not in the reality tv world either, having to pump up my ratings with a whole lot of nonesense. well, not only do i get a kick out of her show, but so does my boyfriend and he's the geeky type and from the midwest!

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 197 (view)

Ladies over 45 - go without sex? Posted: 2/13/2013 12:20:37 AM
he has hands doesn't he? and a tongue? if he has lost desire, and not ill, he should check out testosterone replacement. we women have the same issues as hormones decline. however, it depends upon what makes you happy--not me. some people want/ need sex. some don't. i fall into the former category. some say, they can and have been taking care of their sexual needs by themselves. but they want the comradary and comfort and don't see the perfect mate in site, as they deal with the realities of aging. with friends, i would not tend to cuddle. but here in my town, they actually have cuddle parties on meetups. for me, i want a sexual man. he can augment as needs be. not into cuddle parties. it would be frustrating for me to have a deep crush on a man who would never reciprocate in that way. if no crush, then fine, we could be friends. most of my friends are men anyways. all this being said, you also must face the fact that he might not be into you per se, but could be into someone else. plus, if this is not the case, you cannot expect him to change "later". that would be cruel to him. ps as to your friends not wanting sex, they might be surprised how sexual they would become with the right man. i thought my sex life was over after my divorce, only to find out, it has just started:)

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 145 (view)

Men don't smell like men anymore Posted: 2/13/2013 12:13:44 AM
since this thread, i've been going around smelling all the men i come upon. at the dog park (a bit confusing), shopping, meetups, etc. came to the conclusion it is all about the pheremones:) my guy still likes me au natural. here in ca, i have that brooklyn aroma i guess. the smell of bagels and coffee....

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

samsung note 2 Posted: 2/13/2013 12:01:03 AM
TheT3chBoys's channel on you tube gives a very good visual demonstration of differences between the note and the lumia, as well as verbal assessment. I do think the safety and sturdy factor are on the lumia side, but there are other factors that i prefer about the note. I'm not going to reiterate, as they can be found in the review. I do think over time, the lumia is going to catch up. I will be very wary about the apps on the note though, now that i understand the issue. A guy in my dog park bought the note, got a good data deal with straight talk , but now is having difficulties with his apps. I guess this a perfect example. It screwed up his Square 2 function (I think that is the name of it) to bill clients, and keeps closing down. He said he had virus software. I have been warned to have a separate email account just for the phone. I will not be doing anything legal or financial via it's email. Thanks for the clarification. In addition to courses for quicken, microsoft, etc. they need courses on using one's phone. Now they are coming out with a watch. Markt662, I will check out your virus info. Still wondering: if used like a "computer", is there a need for a firewall.? I am told Note 2 has many new security features that were not in Note 1. I believe it locks down and erases data if reported lost as well. Still looking for the da_n case!!! That is more difficult than finding a phone:) Plus the Note has not been out long enough for them to fix all the gliches.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

samsung note 2 Posted: 2/12/2013 12:18:30 AM
aristotle, unclear how windows phone is different from android os. thanks for this tip. was told it was cheaper than note, but did not get the operating difference. i got the note for $99 with amazon and a pretty good sprint deal. it does require a two year contract but i've always had same with att so for me, that is okay. i will investigate. but, was also told hard to get. sold out? there is a two week grace period when buying a phone. so maybe not too late, if i decide it is better and now available. still not sure it will be either for me. sturdy is good but not enough. private33r, not sure i totally get what you mean by straight things work well. are you saying if friends understand the technology, it will become straightened out? remember, i speak brooklyn!

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

samsung note 2 Posted: 2/11/2013 12:45:43 AM
i have been for years with att and a "stupid" phone, which has served me well. but now, my kids want me to text message and there are safety apps like earthquake warnings, food calculators and email backups that are calling me to "upgrade". in addition sprint is not much more than i now pay and i get less. so, in addition went overboard and bought samsung note 2 along with the sprint package. part of that decision is that my computer is old and i need some backup in case it dies. don't want to buy anything new in way of a computer, until i accomplish my downsize and move. the note 2 is a good compromise for me. my question is two fold: any warnings re sprint and supposed unlimited data? thoughts/experiences with note 2? plus, my biggest problem with thousands of offers that make my head spin: the protector and jacket. no matter what i read, there is always something wrong! it doesn't fit, the protection messes up the phone or cannot use the write function, if good protection, cannot reach all the parts, etc. etc. for me, also wondering about a security cover. so, my list is this: going to dog park and not always having big pockets, need something i can wear on my wrist, not my arm. would be nice to have a stand to hold it when reading mail. then i would like some waterproofing. don't wish to dive with it, but i do walk along the ocean. i also always drop things with my lyme, often trip. so what is the best for that? plus, do i need a security cover? been hearing a lot about that lately from different sources. seems someone can creep up on you and gain access to your private info? i am open to getting two different cases for two classes of purposes. but, this is beginning to sound like shoes. too many of them! also what is recommended to keep viruses and junk out? i believe my computer antivirus, avg, has something but is this the best for the phone and do i need malware protection, firewall, etc. (since the note 2 also acts as a mini computer)? keep in mind what is good for apple phones, does not apply to note 2. apple phones are much sturdier, although they will be soon coming out with a cheaper/less sturdy option. in the meanwhile, given its size, etc. i need to hear from note 2 1users. thanks

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

what is best anti-virus program. Kaspersky? Norton?? McAfee??? Posted: 2/11/2013 12:30:18 AM
i use free avg and pay for avg pc tuneup. i also have several malware applications and for now, use zone alarm-- but, the latter may be switched to more sophisticated package. problem is that the latter is harder to manage when you are not lingo saavy.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 225 (view)

I want a quick first meet, he wants a leisurely dinner! Posted: 2/11/2013 12:16:06 AM
this has happened to me as well. for the most part, i don't like it. the exception is when i really hit it off on the phone and know this person could be a friend, even if no chemistry. for the iffy ones, they are usually trying to impress, often compensating or maybe thinking of something in return. at least that is what i have experienced. too soon for this in my opinion. then again, many are just lonely or don't get many hits, so they are going to try to make the best of it. so, i warn my male friends not to be taken advantage of financially and explain that if the chemistry goes well on the coffee date, then they can "impress"--or go dutch for awhile. however, i live in an area where there are many older singles, with many things going on with meetups, et al. so, not like in the sticks. if there, maybe i would meet, providing that it is understood there may be no chemistry and i would like to pay my share of the bill. after that, a traditional date would be great. or perhaps if no chemistry networking between us to introduce to other friends. i met my guy for dinner because i knew we could be friends and he also traveled quite a bit. our date went so well, we added a movie and a walk around town. but, even if no chemistry, i would have invited him to my meetups, etc. i have done that with nice guys i met, thinking they could meet my friends! now that i am coupled, we go to meetups together for the activities, although the majority of those attending are single. i guess we offer "hope".

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 58 (view)

Magic Jack Plus Posted: 2/10/2013 4:08:30 PM
magic jacks are great to carry when traveling as the software is in the jack. this assumes you don't have online cell, etc. also good if cell is too expensive out of area. this also assumes you can access a computer where you are going. mj's also call forward to any land line or cell phone or to email for incoming calls. also good if you want to keep separate numbers, IE for online dating so they don't have your regular number! many of my friends send them to family in different countries so they can call usa or canada for free. one friend rigged it for business conference calls. not sure i would go that far, but have no need anyways right now. i rarely get static. except from people i know!

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

Adjusting to the Technology intrusion and the expectation of good manners? Posted: 2/10/2013 3:57:27 PM
not acceptable in any way, unless s/he has sick or young kids or other family member with an urgent matter or pets in the animal hospital or on call for work if that was the case with me, i would let my date know ahead of time. otherwise, rude!!! does not matter whether they click with you or not. says something about their manners and social finesse. even my kids don't do this (especially when "i" am calling them, lol)!

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 163 (view)

What do women mean when they say I feel safe with him? Posted: 2/10/2013 3:49:40 PM
he has your back when out in public, even though you might disagree on things. he doesn't loose it too often and when he does, no physical overtures. yes, there is a physical component as well, but it is secondary in my world to the first. if i was in the wild west, maybe it would be different. he is trustworthy, stable, reliable and kind. not a flake or liar.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

Man Boobs Posted: 2/10/2013 3:35:42 PM
as long as he shops in victoria secret and lets me borrow his bras:) what can i say? not desirable. can he fix it the way a woman is to fix her bulbous stomach or cellulite butt? is he great in all other aspects? as men age, many do puff out a bit. depends upon the rest of him! is he unfit as well? or is this just genetics? is it klinefelters xxy? because if so, he needs a mammogram as cancer is a possibility with this condition. btw, how would you know unless his shirt is off?

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 120 (view)

Men don't smell like men anymore Posted: 1/30/2013 4:18:55 PM
my chemical sensitivities are increasing and i find a lot of perfumes that are excessive in particular to be nauseating and some actual hit my nerves and i burn all over. thus, thinking that if i find it okay, i assume others will. WRONG!!! my boyfriend hates some of my organic essential oils and wants me au natural. other people i know have very different taste in what is acceptable. many medical offices now ask that you not wear any perfume, especially physician offices of late. some geographic areas or corporations are actually making it illegal in public or work places, because so many people are getting sick from it. i believe there was a canadian thread on this way back. part of the problem is we don't know what is put in perfume to identify the neurotoxins, aside from just odor preferences. also, for some it is a cultural thing. however with dating and workplace, i'd ask first before i assume that others share my preferences. particularly as some are too polite to tell you and just disappear leaving you wondering what happened! although i too, when younger, loved old spice on my very first boyfriend, i think i loved him and that was just his identifier. today i could not take that either, especially if bathed in it. same for expensive scents.

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 77 (view)

Interracial Dating Posted: 1/30/2013 1:50:12 PM
my 3 children are of color. each one is attracted to and by different ethnicities. one boyfriend is african american, one causcasion and my son likes latinos. they have a little of each. given they have their types, they have dated different ethnic backgrounds when not committed. they can also pass for middle eastern, indian and philippinno depending upon how they are dressing and who they are hanging out with. it's no big deal if you are hanging out with kids of different ethnicities. i did as well in my twenties and back then even harder. but, i persevered. to me, it was about social justice and interest in different cultures. i did not weed out religion either , unless "he" tried to change me. that would end that. here and now people are slowly but surely merging whether their parents like it or not. over time, the parents chill out as well. not sure where you live but best to live in university towns or more metro areas. so, as a mom, i suggest the positive approach. write on your profile who you are and don't demand what you want to get back from someone. click on profiles that interest you. if the clickee is interested, he will get back to you. men are visual. some write more, some talk more. so cannot judge by emails. read up on different articles about online dating so as not to waste your time, not to get scammed and certainly not to take things personally. make sure your interests are spelled out. now pof matches put little ones under match pics where there are common interests. you can see if your interests work, if they are highlighted. click on the highlights and see who these people are as well. aside from race, people have different body type preferences, religious differences, personality types. don't always assume it is race, although yes, sometimes it is. well, "their loss". also be sure to go to more international, multi-ethnic functions. no matter what color he ends up, you have broadened your horizons and chances. again, race is just one small thing when finding someone, although for sure the racists have made a big thing of it over the years. listen, if i can find someone at my age and with a disability, you can also. i was pretty methodological when it came to my approaches. but one thing for sure, i let the men lead unless just forum buddies. like it or not chemistry helps first and foremost. then you have to weed. i focused on getting myself together and as attractive as i could be. for me, that included weight loss and i did find everywhere i went, it did make a difference. not so much the pounds but being physically fit or at least, looking it. once i felt good about me, oddly, the age and disability fears melted and my self confidence started to attract big time. so will yours. take this as a learning experience with all the pluses and minuses. ps when you get ignorant comments, move on and don't waste your energy. there are all sorts of reasons for hatred. sometimes some of these people have experienced hate towards themselves and just try to pass it on. we can only hope they get some positive experiences and exposures in their lives over time. i have seen it happen.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 191 (view)

male survivors of childhood sexual abuse Posted: 1/29/2013 1:36:33 AM
male survivors came out quite a bit as long as 20 years ago in adult children of alc0holics 12 step groups back east. typically there was very sexist criteria towards male childhood abuse. here in CA a good fifteen years, i see it way more hushed or only in same sex circles with respect to discussion. i imagine each area has a different climate. only in the past couple years have there been ads from non profits offering services more openly near where i live and this is supposed to be "liberal". personally, i believe there is more abuse towards men but not considered abuse. my friend was molested at age 12 by his mom's "hot" friends. but when i asked if that happened to his son, it hit him like a ton of bricks and over time he sought therapy over it. that is the depth of denial in this society until of late more exposure with teachers, coaches, religious leaders etc. if a female child was raped at that age, it would not be because dad's friends are "hot". i would guess at least half the population has had some "degree" of sexual inappropriateness (male or female), if not way more. the stats vary. the definitions vary. the ramifications vary. the issues would be the same. as said above, some survive, some remain victims. however, i don't believe that everyone has the resources or community or strength to get to survivorship, until maybe more recently. back east i saw a lot more healing with the openness. that was in nyc and adjacent nj. more metropolitan and seen in context of dysfunctional families. because even if not incest, often the parents did not have their kids backs. as for dating, why not? the issues are way broader and each person is different, let alone what was available to help in the healing and the degree of shame within different cultures or geographic areas. also intimacy issues are not just from sexual abuse, but also physical abuse and even more so from neglect.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 151 (view)

Discrepancy in income - your thoughts/experiences? Posted: 1/29/2013 1:16:52 AM
it is easier when you both have money. however, in this current economic climate and given all the other issues that crop up later in life, you have to weigh your priorities. some have money but no chemistry or cheat or like the upper hand. i live in a vacation area, where there are many things to do for cheap. plus, we have many meetups that are geared to all ranges of income and some activities are pay as you can afford. so, question number one: is there chemistry? then is there potential to be best friends over the long term? does he share your core values? finally, are you bored with insufficient things to do? several people have given cheaper options. do you have these sorts of things to do where you live? keep in mind there are many reasons for no money. lack of education, unemployment, no demand for services, starving artist/musician, alimony, child support, etc. my ex boyfriend made one fifth of my current boyfriend's income but has more property and more disposable income with no children or alimony. for some, money came with the corporate business accounts--at least for me back when i was working--but alas, no more. some of it has to do with age and retirement or in my instance disabled with thank G, a private disability income which i paid dearly for when young. but, despite the income, it goes fast helping three young adults, medical bills, charities, pets, home renovation, etc. bottom line is if one contributes with money, does the other contribute with other resources? does not having money prevent you from seeing him? if you both assume that your dates must be expensive, then only seeing each other once a month, does not make for a relationship. not the money but lack of time/energy spent on it. last but not least, even if you both had money, you might not have liked the same things. you can also go places with your friends during the week that he might not afford OR if you are both okay with it, just pay like some men would if they made more than their dates. social times are changing. many young people i know have the men at home with the kids, while the women work. but, they are already a unit and have figured out how each person can contribute. so, it's the dating game that poses the most difficulty in the beginning. if too old for kids, would he have your back if /when you get old? or when you need help with other things? if you chose not to date him, would you be eating out alone? which is better for you? wanna be rich or wanna be happy! but, if not happy, then back to being alone and hoping you will find the right one.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

dr banning a patient Posted: 1/20/2013 6:08:03 PM
melody sounds like you gave enough notice!!!! usually it's just 24-48 hours unless otherwise stated or in visible signage. back east many hospitals dealt with this type of personality after complaints were received but, they have to receive them!!!! a hospital "clinic" usually has "implications". it is not the private practice of medicine. reporting to state licensure (which typically has numerous policies) is not a malpractice lawsuit. so yes, i agree that malpractice suits are out of hand. each medical facility is obliged to operate according to certain state laws, regs and policies. these vary by state and sometimes by county. there is a behavioral expectation that doctors behave professionally. yes, if you cancel last minute there should be a late fee explained in the papers they make you sign upfront. also, if clinics accept certain payers/insurers, they are obliged to follow their rules as well (as stated in their different contracts with each payer). the facility agrees to this, asbecause they count on volume for business when making such agreements. if state licensure gets a lot of complaints, they will investigate. plus, you can ask them what you are to expect from a licensed practitioner and if you have "grounds" for a formal complaint with them. what i understood this to be was a temper tantrum on the provider's part. sorry, but this is not acceptable in medical care provision, especially when practicing in a licensed facility. but.... glad you will not be going back. i would not trust someone with this behavior. in fact, many practices set up behavioral guidelines for their physicians to follow. so, even a note to the ceo of the umbrella hospital is a good idea. well, as long as you pay what is owed for the missed visit or they accept an explanation from your physician, which they may or may not.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Has anyone wanted to or ever started their life over? Posted: 1/17/2013 2:13:31 AM
just be sure it's not the "geographic cure". history repeats as you will be taking yourself wherever you go. if you just yearn to travel, then do it.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 240 (view)

Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs? Posted: 1/17/2013 2:09:35 AM
i used a wheelchair before my iv for lyme. i met several people back then who used chairs permanently and were in relationships. several with kids. many are uneducated about sexuality with a person using a chair. i have really attractive friends who don't use a chair and cannot find someone. so, you have to be totally spruced, get involved in a lot of "stuff" put yourself forward in speaking and behaving. you will find her. they said i could not find someone in my 60's with lyme. i did not listen:) sure some won't like you for your chair. they always find something. ask my friend. her problem is she is giving up too soon. it does take some work. you have to look your best and be your best. that goes for most. ps you email the girl and if she does not respond, move on. don't wait for her to email you!!!

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

dr banning a patient Posted: 1/17/2013 1:38:46 AM
report him to the state medical board/licensure for starters. especially when your primary md said to try other options. if you cancelled, check the policy and pay the fee. usually a clinic will waive if primary doc says to wait. my mri shows some serious neck problems of late spasming sporadically all the way down to my fingers. this is on top of lyme disease. but, i found a good half of it was relieved by going through an extensive ergonomic program. they all disagree but i found an online instruction which allowed me to adjust my particular needs. i cannot take cortisone shots with lyme disease or orals, but i can take homeopathic trameel or the injectible version of it which has another name. google trameel. it has way less side effects than steroids. many people i know here have been helped. it is worth traveling to see an out of town dr. , especially if only three times a year. i have travelled several hours to find lyme literate docs. fortunately i found a local one who also does homeopathy, but if i need iv again, i would have an almost 6 hr. roundtrip. if you can find someone to do that, it works pretty well. my md/homeopath has injected my muscles with it in the past. he is subspecialized in physiatry/physicalmedicine. he has referred me to a spinal specialist/DO who does the spinal/cervical neurological injections. you need someone who knows what s/he is doing. i tried robaxin but now have developed allergies to it, as well as pretty much all muscle relaxants and pain killers. i tried an oral steroid which made me the happiest person for a day. then i went "down". the relaxants/pain killers make me dopey. steroid and surgery have been offered to me, but the downside is pretty scarey. if they replace discs, you can develop allergies to the metal. my luck the anesthesia would kill me! so, i'd tell this guy to take a walk and if you do need surgery or injections get someone else. even if far away. i not only speak as a patient but an ex hospital vp and consultant. docs don't scare or intimidate me. there are some really really good ones, but you need to search. report this guy, move on. be your own "general contractor"! here many docs refuse anyone with disability related medicare, but they can be found. i also cannot say i blame them with poor reimbursement. bottom line: be grateful. if he did shoot you up, you might not have found better:)

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

rejection does it get easier Posted: 1/7/2013 5:12:28 AM
in past dating or relationships that dissolved, i did not see it as rejection. i felt disappointment, pain, etc. took a rest if needed. then kept plodding. i used my business/sales skills. one down and more to go, toward the eventual win. it did happen btw. was not supposed to happen to me. now 64, he 58. me disabled, he working. total opposites. lots of chemistry and similar values. we take turns at everything: movie selections, doing things, etc. why? because we are so opposite! so, discard the lists, the self deprecation, put on blinders and keep trotting! just make sure you learn from each mistake or person along the way.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Generational Bondages. Posted: 1/7/2013 4:59:56 AM
i am jewish by birth, but raised in an irish catholic neighborhood. my dad's best friend (and drinking buddy) was a monseigneur who i was fortunate to discover many years later in one of the hospitals i consulted with and was able to help him. he helped me a lot as a kid, running out to lecture the local kids that i "did not kill jesus":) being used to collars and habits coming off in my house, because we were not catholic, i ended up being friendly and actually consulting later on in adulthood with many catholic orders. even slept over in a few. so, here it is. every order is different, every area is different, every convent within an order is different. after that every individual is different. some orders have a lot of abuse and judgement going on, others are wiser and more involved with their carism (mission). age makes a difference and as recruits are way down, many schools and hospitals have more interaction with lay people nowadays. my nuns smoked and asked a lot of questions about sex and money. some were in AA but did not tell their peers, just me. some lived apart from the convent and wore lay clothes. orders who report to the local diocese feel more restricted than those who report elsewhere. i worked with one who reported to another country and took many liberal liberties politically that other orders could not do, aka abortion referrals. i have seen abuse in the priest hood and even met a nun way back who was an attorney prosecuting and helping sex abuse victims some 25 years ago when it was not popular. but, again, not being catholic i was privy to many confidences that those in the calling, did not share with their peers. i guess kind of like family members trying to maintain boundaries. so, to me, calling someone sister is a fond gesture, whereas for you, it brings back different memories. if she is not wearing her habit, she would tell you if "sister" were not appropriate given her vocation. i do think my kids would call her sister as well, if they saw others doing the same without a blink. btw, my experience has been in nyc, nj, pa and ca. so not in parochial areas necessarily. the priest in the ca churchi last visited was a buddhist prior and all the churches here are gay welcoming. so, we've come a long way. fact is, if people leave the church in these progressive areas, there will be less power in rome. so they must compete, and given the old timers still entrenched, they just "look away" in areas where market share would otherwise be lost.

serenityCW

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 83 (view)

I found out today that my ex wife of 8 months signed my signiture on a refund check Posted: 12/16/2012 10:03:14 PM
you have a legal opinion from your attorney. proceed as advised. there is insufficient information for us to give you a "moral" hurray. maybe she could not afford an attorney and got screwed financially by you, or maybe she's a loonie and a thief. as far as i'm concerned, there is no difference between a man or a woman. nobody knows if the money she took would be used towards her children, maybe not! or maybe.... by the same token, now he has less to give the children.....we will never know on pof! this is why they have laws. that being said, it is always better to handle divorce issues between two adults. now, if one or two are not adult, then fall back on the law and divide the money into four: one fourth for each ex- spouse and one fourth for each attorney. ha ha:) 'nuff said.

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 490 (view)

3 Strikes - out. No more widowers ! Posted: 12/6/2012 4:02:50 PM
whether widowed or divorced after a very long marriage, a lot of people need time to adjust-- a lot of time. frustrating when you are older and "ready". my previous guy was a widower and after two years, i had enough of her things popping up everywhere, including her pic by the bed, if he forgot to put it away. mind you, would not have minded if it were in the living room but not beside her bathrobe hanging in the bathroom. and using her tv blanket and favorite cup? started to wear me down. we started as friends, still are, but only now is he about ready to date. for him, it's been 4 or 5 years since she died. i've been seeing my divorced boyfriend for over two years now, so it won't be me:) my current guy was separated when we met. it came out after we met. i swore i would never date a separated man. i then read a book about it (after i met him as our attraction was unusually strong) . good part was that he was not yet spoiled by the dating craze. bad part: i waited a long time to see the divorce papers and even more to meet his son. however, we have all the good parts as well as the bad parts. so, i don't think you can generalize. if a person had a good marriage, the mourning needs to take time. but, when ready, maybe he or she would make a better spouse, if they both know who to "marry" right and were not going towards divorce.

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

logging in multiple times Posted: 12/6/2012 3:47:25 PM
i am having to log in constantly every minute or so to read/respond to the forums as well. no problem so far with my inbox. at this point most people i know from the forums, call me!

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Closed on house and was finger printed. Posted: 12/6/2012 3:34:45 PM
theoretically, i like the idea of protecting the consumer due to so many stolen identities. now they are even stealing your medical insurance policy, so when you need your medical benefits, it is used up. HOWEVER, what does having the print do for me? how does it prove i am me? do they have it to match against anything or is this for "after" one's identity is stolen--or house for that matter? i think the law would have to go further. it must assure the one defrauded, be it person or bank, that the fingerprint will be proof that the transaction was illegal and thus that person's credit score, liability, etc. is immediately made right! if a bank, then they must go after the thief and not the the victim or the victim's property. i was printed for foster/adoption with my kids, my kid was printed for a job working with the disabled and i even have everyone's dna on file! in this insane world with international fraud, human trafficking, etc. you have to think differently. however, if you have a record and have made amends, and the act did not involve human endangerment, i don't think they should be able to deny your credit solely by doing a criminal history based upon a print, if not a major crime. too much racial profiling here in CA. a kid of color or who is poor can land in prison for years , but a rapist with a good attorney gets out real quick. so, that is a misuse of the print. it must not be racially biased and all must comply. ps what really irks me is that the medicare insurance card you must carry in case of medical emergency has your social security number! nobody who has not demonstrated protection and confidentiality procedures should have access to ss numbers or prints. i think a lot needs to be reframed and considered given the pros and cons of this new/more dangerous (and exciting) world.

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 76 (view)

The dreaded 50 Posted: 12/2/2012 10:55:45 PM
i was still married at 50. i feared turning 60, but even more so 64 this year. i think how you are "received" is more of a problem than how old you are. that, in turn, depends upon how you look, act and treat people. many will not search your age if online. i just clicked on "my" matches and then would become known to them. my guy found me on a list of newcomers on a dating site. he is six years younger and i was not in his search parameters. so put some color in the pic to have him drawn to you as well. also, get out in real life. then they don't know your age, til they know you. this also sounds bad, but it is true. i picked a wide array of matches. then w/o reading anything about them, i just clicked away and waited for a bite. i got quite a few. then i would get serious, get to know them, meet them, etc. i saw too many men and women wasting away because nobody answered their winks or favorite lists. i also was looking to meet friends. so, if not for me, had them join my groups and let them meet a good friend or someone more compatible. as to pof, dated a few, but mostly was a forum junkie and made lifelong friends on here. however, both my ex boyfriends are on here. one met a woman, one still searching.

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

47 with a 3 year old at home Posted: 12/2/2012 10:40:40 PM
no need to give your life story until you meet. unless he asks, then answer. not more than the question. first focus on interests, etc. you might even get your answer w/o his knowing you have young kids. i adopted three teens at age 50 (10-13) and divorced several years later. i could not give a rat's butt what some men thought. i wanted to meet someone for me. not make myself into something i was not. i did however do a lot of work on "myself". same for having lyme. same for telling my real age and providing real pics. however, this also works in reverse. your man is not there to parent your kids. you are. so, you need to accept him for what he is as well. plus, find compatibility in timing and how to be together, activities and/or core values. don't rush him to meet the kid, unless you are more serious. that takes time. reveal yourself slowly but surely. now, you do have to get creative in reaching out. however, i know of many men, particularly whose young wives have left them holding babies, who would be happy to hook up with another "good" parent. try meetup dot com and not just online dating. will you have problems when the baby gets older? probably... it's a teen thing. so be prepared and create yourself an extended family. take turns babysitting for each other. get the kid in a lot of activities to keep out of trouble and do not rule out dating someone younger than yourself. guys i know who had problems with dating moms, cite that the moms left them to care for kids or the kids were dysfunctional and moms did not rule the roost. that is another problem. if it happened to someone, s/he might be hesitant the second time around. so prove it will not be this way from the start.

serenitycw

Joined: 1/21/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

She wants to wear a tux and be a groomsman at the wedding!!! Posted: 12/2/2012 10:25:37 PM
my initial thought was : perhaps "you" should wear a dress and leave the couple to be and their wedding party decisions between themselves. if you were sincerely interested in the humanity aspect of the situation, you might approach those involved and ask how horrific/uncomfortable it would feel to be wearing a dress, for someone who never wears or wishes to wear a dress "ever". or better still, ask yourself as a heterosexual man-- yes, "even" if the request/demand is for a few hours at a large, public function and as a key participant. again, ask yourself, how you would feel wearing a dress. ! i think it is time people woke up and accepted who people are and not who they feel comfortable having them be. this is not about morals, this is about freedom to be who you are. to me, the lack of morals comes with the "institutionalized" denying of a human being to be just that (aka the expression of his or her self at a wedding ceremony of her friends/family). however, i realize how little some people still understand about being "gay" or a lesbian. first of all, you must distinguish between sexual identity and sexual attraction. whether she is sexually attracted to other women or not, does not address identity and /or her comfort level with traditional heterosexual dress code or wanting to express herself in a traditionally "feminine" manner. some people don't mind flexible dressing. others do. being forced into who they are not, is abusive and pain inflicting. however, again, what a person needs to wear does not necessarily define him or her as being attracted to the same sex or the opposite sex or, for that matter, both sexes. TWO DIFFERENT ISSUES AND TWO DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE HUMAN BRAIN. more and more is being learned everyday.

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