sticking to your own 'kind' chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: sticking to your own 'kind'

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

sticking to your own 'kind' Posted: 11/22/2009 3:46:49 PM
When I saw "sticking to your own kind," I thought it meant talking only to smart people. My mistake.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

why do people feel like they need someone in their life . Posted: 11/20/2009 7:42:53 PM
You feel that way for a couple of reasons--one is because that is how women are raised, culturally and individually. Every family is different, of course, but girls learn by example and by what they are told. It began to lessen in my generation, but I was raised with the expectation to be a wife and mother. The examples set for me by older women reinforced this. Cultural ideology also reinforces this--the media constantly promotes how to catch and keep a man. Beyond that, humans need other humans. We need to be loved on some levels and we want to be loved on many other. Most of us are pack animals, but being with a pack is not enough: we also want a partner. Other forums have dealt with the "need" vs "want" issue, but I think most of us desire a partner, but to varying degrees.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 85 (view)

Men and self esteem Posted: 11/20/2009 7:34:07 PM
When he's done reading "Heather has 2 mommies" What blather--there's Billy has Two Daddies , as well. I am not a man but I can say that men have self esteem issues. I saw a man from Chicago off and on for three years--he called it off twice and I called it off last time. When he would speak of being able to attract women, he would list his positive points: he was wealthy, in good health, and reasonably smart. It always intrigued me that he ALWAYS listed wealthy first. I pointed this out to him and he finally told me that he didn't see himself as handsome (he wasn't) and did see himself as rather boring. He went on to say that whenever a woman was interested in him, he wondered why. I could tell him--he was smart and he was witty. Other women in his life seemed to care more about his money than his well-being. When we got back together the second time, my friends and family were worried about me getting hurt again; two of his female friends told him to watch out for me because I was a golddigger. So, they fed his low self esteem issues.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Would a person who suffered a brain injury be a turn off for you? Posted: 11/20/2009 5:03:00 PM
Conversation is extremely important to me (but I speak for only me). Words are my vocation and my avocation. I was married to a man for 25 years who wouldn't talk to me and it was one reason I eventually left him. In a social setting, I would have unlimited patience to converse with someone who has problems conversing, but I don't think that I have the patience to develop a relationship with someone who couldn't converse fluently with me.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Would you message someone if you knew they weren't going to respond? Posted: 11/19/2009 5:11:57 PM
I message men whom I know will not answer . . . not because they are too "handsome" for me, but I can tell by the things they say in their profiles. It is my discordian nature to ask about those things, though.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Start off as the new partner, then become their parent Posted: 11/19/2009 5:01:12 PM
I was my ex-husband's surrogate mother for 25 years. Even when I left him, my sister said he married me so I could "take care" of him--not monetarily, he made good money, but every other "need" and want in his life. I had a long-term relationship with a much younger man after my marriage ended, and the naysayers all said I was a mother figure to him. I NEVER mothered him like I did a man my own age. The only way to avoid it is to not let it start, but for someone who really seeks a parent, I don't know that will even work.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

Complicated Girl Question Posted: 11/19/2009 4:57:40 PM
Goddess, I hate texting. I text sparingly and tell people a PHONE is for TALKING. Maybe she feels the same way.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

I am breaking up with BF Today! Had ENOUGH Posted: 11/19/2009 4:56:21 PM
Why do you need validation from total strangers? Just do it.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

school first or relationship first? Posted: 11/17/2009 8:05:11 PM
Get your degree first. If you don't and the relationship ends in five, ten, even twenty years, you will be kicking yourself for not getting it. But I assume you have an MA already--why can't you teach with it?

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Is the number of acceptable places to approach women offline shrinking? Posted: 11/16/2009 4:10:43 PM
I have been approached in Wal-Mart, Starbucks, thrift stores, the school were I teach, and have had several notes put on my table in restaurants, one guy left a note on my car . . . I am very friendly and speak to just about anyone, so I guess I am easily "approachable." However, I have had no better luck of meeting someone in the "real" world than I have online. Such is life.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Is dating a 22 year old virgin male OK? Posted: 11/16/2009 4:06:24 PM
Ya know, virgin dude, methinks you doth protest too much. I looked at your profile, and every other word on it is "virgin." It appears that you are stuck on your virginity and even obsessing about it. If that is the most important aspect of your life, you need to get over it and over yourself. Beyond that, can you prove that you are a virgin? (Evil grin.) By the way, there is no "trait" of being a virgin other than not having had sex.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 139 (view)

I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE? Posted: 11/15/2009 2:06:36 PM
the phrase is "I couldn't care less", not "I could care less". [. . .] God, I'm becoming anal in my old age! Nah, this has nothing to do with age. I got into an editorial argument in my senior year of high school when a teacher INSISTED that I use "could care less" instead of "couldn't care less" in an article I was writing for the school newspaper. I gave the same argument that you give, and I still stick to it.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 551 (view)

are women playing GOD when they become pregnant Posted: 11/15/2009 1:51:22 PM
Yes, but Elizabeth didn't "buckle under", did she? Most of the things she wanted from her parliament, she got. Elizabeth was a rarity. It also took some persuasion by Bloody Mary to get her parliament to restore Catholic laws to England and send Protestant men to the bonfires. Which goes to show (and I will be the first one to admit) that fanaticism in either sex is not a good thing. Men and women are both responsible for their actions, and if a man and a woman have consensual sex, both are responsible for the well-being of a child born of that union. No one should have the ability to force a woman to have an abortion, but every woman should have the right to get an abortion. (I could go on here about how male dominated religions are the moving force behind anti-abortion laws and have been for centuries, but I won't.) It seems ironic that some men would keep their "women" from having an abortion whle other men bemoan that after the woman gets pregnant, they have no say in whether she should go full term--it goes to show that one rule cannot be a panacea for everyone. Women who use children as pawns and are unfair in matters pertaining to children are emotionally stunted women. Men who refuse to accept responsibility for their actions are also emotionally stunted. Both sides lack responsibility and the foresight to realize possible outcomes of their actions. As for saying that women should rely on toys to satisfy themselves and asking why should women even have sex with men, that is ludicrous: the same thing can be posed about men in their sexual habits.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 550 (view)

are women playing GOD when they become pregnant Posted: 11/15/2009 1:37:24 PM
I also doubt very much that "witch hunting" was ever passed on to a vote, they were the result of ignorant and irrational mobs(which included men and women) Your problem, again, is that you don't research history: you merely babble on about your perceptions of history. Not only that, your arguments lack factual back-up and are filled with ad hominems, fallacies, red herrings, and anecdotal "evidence." Witch burnings in most instances weren't mob mentality: they were calculated hunts and trials by men who were trained in their trade. Read The Malleus Maleficarum to find out about how it was to be determined if women were witches, how to conduct the trial, get a confession, and how sentences should be passed. The witch trials were documented in at least England, France, and Germany, and transcriptions of the trials, who were tried, and who died are still extant. Again, men, children and animals were also put to death, but the largest number were women and of them, old women. Not only that, but Kramer and Sprenger, the authors of The Malleus took their cue from a papal bull issued by Pope Innocent VIII to hunt down and prosecute witches. The hunts and executions were legally sanctioned. Bu the way, in England, witchcraft wasn't an ecclesiastical crime as it was on the continent, but a civil crime. As such, witches weren't burned in England but hanged. It was different in Scotland, where witches were burned. The safest place to be a "witch" was in Ireland where very few were put to death for the "crime." You really need to spend years studying this as I have before you start saying "I doubt this" and "I think that." Not that women(or men) ever needed to vote to have influence over their environments(or be influenced by it) but what makes you think the ability to vote would have caused them to vote any differently? This is a complete red herring: the issue was not how women would have voted, but the FACT that they weren't able to vote. Stop trying to make women the age old innocent victim with your completely skewed view of history. You have the skewed view of history--your assumptions are grossly inaccurate. Women might have voted to go to war, but the POINT is: we don't know, do we? Also, wars weren't voted on by the general public, but by politicians. This is ridiculous and repulsively misandric (as well as being off topic) I think you mean "misanthropic," and I already said you would level that accusation against women who logically present historical evidence. You took the forum off-topic when I made a short comment about men also "playing god," and now complain about it. You were happy to go off topic when you thought you could prove your points. Go figure.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Would you be with someone that you knew you liked more? Posted: 11/15/2009 9:03:58 AM
Honesty and cruelty are not synonymous, nor are honesty and kindness mutually exclusive. Exactly. This man may or may not be honest, but that he is thoughtlessly and needlessly cruel is definite. IMO this deserves as much consideration by the OP as the difference in their feelings, and perhaps more. Please point out the thoughtless cruelty so we may better understand your point. I am not the person who made the comment about thoughtless cruelty, but I understand thoughtless cruelty well because I have not only dished it out, I have been on the receiving end. The man in the relationship is being thoughtlessly cruel (at best) because he might not understand how much his words hurt the OP. He might be honest about his feelings, but it also might be kinder to break off the relationship instead of giving her false hope that it could turn into something more. Again, he might not be aware of giving her hope, and maybe he thinks there is a chance it will become something more, but it is still giving her hope based on flimsy feelings. At the same time, breaking it off would seem cruel to her. As I age, I have learned how to temper my honesty with kindness, and that to be kind, I sometimes must appear cruel. To the OP--be careful, if he is a manipulator, he is already manipulating you, and as you fall more deeply for him, he can use your feelings to his gain. You are giving him WAY too much power over you!

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 515 (view)

are women playing GOD when they become pregnant Posted: 11/15/2009 8:55:22 AM
I asked whether a woman's sexual desire plays any roll [sic] in her becoming pregnant. There are places you can get help for illiteracy, you know. Please look into it. I didn't read your other post, canoga77, but the statement you post here is ambiguous at best. It needs to be clarified and explained. I have an MA in English and have taught writing for the past nine years, and the phrasing of your question can easily be construed as asking if her sexual desire can heighten a woman's ability to get pregnant. I SUPPOSE you were asking if a woman is highly aroused, if her arousal affects her decision making process and she might not be so careful about using birth control--but that could also be an inaccurate interpretation of your meaning. After the positive test, men have none. We ALL have choices--even if it is the proverbial choice between a rock and a hard spot.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 512 (view)

are women playing GOD when they become pregnant Posted: 11/15/2009 8:41:46 AM
Gwendolyn... I hope you do realize that women were just as much involved in condoning witch huntings, death penalties, slavery and wars. These things were all done as a society, not as men. Your entire post seems to completely contradict your final statement. Your grasp of history is appalling. For most of written history, women were disenfranchised members of society. They were not allowed to vote or decide on public policy. For the most part, they weren't allowed to learn to read or write and any education they received was at home. (This is true of poor males, as well, but even poor males were held in higher regard than poor women.) A woman was her husband's property. This doesn't mean that every man abused his wife, but in England, it was not only legal but encouraged to parade a nagging wife on the town square with a muzzle and lease. This shows the "rights" women held in western societies. For many centuries, women were not allowed to own property and anything that they inherited became the property of their husbands; sons inherited before daughters and on the death of a husband, the property also went to the son. Not only were women denied legal rights under the system of the country, they were denied religious rights, as well. Western religions were run by men: the Pope, the bishops, and the Cardinals and down the hierarchy. Nuns held "power" within their sphere, but read about the number of dead babies found in the walls of some convents and see how much the power of the male ecclesiastics extended. Protestantism was no better: Luther said that if women died in childbirth, that was their duty in life. Women were not allowed to hold positions in churches. Some Christians sects still refuse women the ability to become ministers. Women were chastised to obey their husbands AND men in general as a part of Christian dogma. In other words, societies were run by men, so when you say these things were done as a "society," including women, their lack of voice in decision making processes proves this is a fallacy. However, many women fought against slavery and some prominent abolitionists were women. England ended slavery in 1833 with the Abolition of Slavery Act, just prior to the reign of Queen Victoria who continued an anti-slavery stance. For centuries, women simply had no voices. Men ruled countries and the world and made the decisions. Even very strong women rulers such as Elizabeth I were subject to the decisions of her parliament. One of the things that she adamantly refused to buckle under was in the area of marriage: she refused to wed because it meant that her husband, as king, would rule her. And before you use the next coup de gras that men often use when I give info such as this: I am NOT a man hater. I don't hold men of today responsible for the actions of men in the past, but the historical record clearly shows that women didn't voice many opinions about the issues I mentioned because they were not allowed to do so. Our western history (and mid-east/eastern history, as well) is written in the voices of men. Some women were able to speak, but they were largely drowned by the voices of the men.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 508 (view)

are women playing GOD when they become pregnant Posted: 11/15/2009 7:11:34 AM
Did men play god when they burned women, other men, children, cats, and dogs at the stake for being witches? Did men play god when they condoned the institution of slavery for thousands of years? Did men play god when they passed laws approving death penalties? Do men play god when they decide to fight a war, affecting not only the lives of their own country-people, but the lives of those whom they fight? Ultimately, if you speak of god, do men play "him" when making any life and death decision? The original question is ludicrous. MEN and WOMEN consistently manipulate people of the opposite and same sex everyday. Anyone who uses a child as leverage in a relationship is mentally ill, mean spirited, and needs help. They aren't playing god, they are being human at the most base level of being human.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 135 (view)

I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE? Posted: 11/15/2009 7:04:43 AM
I've been on POF over 3 years and have dated a lot! By sheer numbers alone, that puts me at risk of having more bad experiences or interesting, thought provoking situations than maybe someone who hasn't dated as many people. It's called statistics, people!!! Common sense, numbers mentality. You are doing it AGAIN! LOL!!! This is a "Look at me, I am so attractive that I have been on SO many more dates than you old, fat chicks so of course, I have more to discuss." You consistently judge the reactions of other people based on your shallow understanding of how "things" work. Trust me, speaking from MY experience (as an old, fat woman) on dating sites, you have nothing to hold over the heads of other women. so maybe those of you who are taking such offense may be having a hard time because the statement hits too close to home possibly? You are STILL doing it! Instead of truly apologizing, you shift the blame back on the people who found your original and subsequent posts to be offensive. You aren't sorry you were insulting, you weren't joking: you feel superior to we poor old, fat chicks and can't understand why, if you are so great, this guy is "cheating" on you. I don't need to and wont defend my character to anyone, much less this small group of miserable individuals who have turned this into a character assasignation. But that's exactly what you just did and have done several times. THINK before you write something. It isn't as if you can take back words written in a forum. Get a life! That's pretty good advice coming from a woman who consistently spills her "guts" in POF forums. Take your own advice.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

why do men assume you want to talk sex ? Posted: 11/14/2009 7:49:51 PM
There is talk about sex and then there is sex talk. I am not interested in cybersex or titillating a strange man's ardor, but sex is important in a relationship of any length, and perhaps men want to know if a women is receptive to sex or she isn't. I get many many emails, and all of the men talk about sex on the first email. Wow! How do you manage that? I get emails from men who ask for sex in the first email, but they are definitely in the minority.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Religion Posted: 11/14/2009 7:42:35 PM
I say that some people who adhere to dogmatic religions bend the rules to suit themselves. I have been approached by Christians who interpret their Bible a bit differently from what it explicitly states. Others have recoiled in horror when are made to understand that I am pagan, and others say it doesn't matter. The "worst" Christian man to whom I spoke with on POF said he could have an affair with me, but I wasn't marriage material because I wasn't Christian. How is "hypocrisy" spelled? Oh, yeah, just like that.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 127 (view)

I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE? Posted: 11/14/2009 4:07:22 PM
Yes, Rene.... I do remember her post about her interest in dating her doctor. I remember that forum, as well, and it doesn't surprise me that the OP is the same woman. Sad.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Horible New Fasion Trend Posted: 11/14/2009 3:59:01 PM
Got news for you buddy--women wear hose for a couple of reasons: 1. To keep our legs warm 2. For those of us with less than perfect legs, it helps make our legs look sleeker and less flabby. If I have to choose warm legs over your taste in clothes, you'll lose. Besides, some guys like hose.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 125 (view)

I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE? Posted: 11/14/2009 3:47:49 PM
missdi123 said: t's little, ugly, old guys who can't take it and have a problem to take the opion of a hot, beautiful women who they know they could never score with. Let's see, missy: first, the OP insults old, fat chicks and you jump on the bandwagon adding the word "fat" to the list of adjectives. Now, you say that in addition to old, fat, and ugly women--little, ugly, old guys can't take it, either. Who does that leave? You and the OP? By the way, it is spelled "opinion." The OP's rant was saying that her supposed BF could date old, fat women--it looks as if he were willing to leave her ass in the dust for unattractive crones. That must say something about her and her insult proved it. understand the OP's legitimate need to vent a little and it was not directed at anyone other than the man in question Get real, sweetheart--unless "your" man is an old, fat chick, you directed insults at women who never harmed you in ANY way. If anyone cares to do a threat search you can find hundreds about people (not just women) frequently using old photo's, photo's that don't show their 40 lb weight gain etc., women who seem to just be looking for a free meal, etc. I certainly know that isn't the majority! What a lousy stab at a save! Look at my picture, honey: I am an old, fat woman who posts pictures taken last week--you lumped me in with all the liars. Again, it was a joke. Thin, whining, crabby, insecure women in their 30s should stop creating whiny, condemning, insulting forums that show their crassness, lack of empathy, and general ****iness. If that applies to anyone in this forum, what I said is just a joke!

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE? Posted: 11/13/2009 7:52:20 PM
Oh, and by the way, I notice that only the old, fat, ugly chicks give you a hard time on here LOL I think we were the only ones insulted--besides the man in question. And I might be old, fat, and ugly, but I ain't [sic] stupid. And to the OP, would it hurt your ego less if he went for young, beautiful, and thin women? Nope, then you would be berating him because he is shallow.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

I don't care that he did, but WHY DID HE HAVE TO LIE? Posted: 11/13/2009 6:10:07 PM
Ya know, you somewhat had my sympathy right up to the point where you said: I could care less if he wants to live on POF and date every fat, old chick on here looking for a free meal. I am a fat old chick and I can pay for my own meal, but your spitefulness extends beyond your hurt with "your" man to people who don't deserve your scorn. Maybe we old fat chicks offer something that younger and thinner chicks can't--not jumping to conclusions and waiting until we hear the whole story before making a forum to not only insult and blast a man who could be innocent, but attacking your own sex. Sympathy withdrawn. Next time, put the blame where the blame is due, but wait until you establish the cause for blame. that was meant as a back-handed joke. Sorry. As an old fat chick, I didn't see the humor.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

independent women fall the hardest Posted: 11/12/2009 7:01:37 PM
There might be some truth to independent women falling the hardest--for diverse reasons. I think that women who feel the need to advertise their independence on their profiles are just the opposite of what they claim; it is the "methinks she doth protest too much" syndrome. Independence, like intelligence and creativity, should be self evident and shouldn't need to be advertised. This would carry over into "real" life as well. Living the life is much more "proof" than saying, "I am independent." Insecure women, and men, OFTEN fall hard and EASILY and cling when it is time to let go. However, when a truly independent woman falls, it means that there is something about the guy. She is not seeking someone to bankroll her, to kill her spiders, or give her emotional support in her decisions on which clothes to wear or where to bank. It means that the man is accepting of her the way she is--or he is a good BSer. But when it ends, as you say, she gets up, brushes herself off, and gets on with life.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Engagement rings for men? Posted: 11/12/2009 2:15:23 PM
I think it should be tit-for-tat. A woman got an engagement ring to show she was taken--why shouldn't a man wear one too?

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 1537 (view)

older women younger men Posted: 11/10/2009 5:13:49 PM
"so when can I come over for sex?" is usually all they write... Old guys do the same thing. I had a man my age write to me this morning, wanting to come to my town and spend a couple of nights with me.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

Proper Blocking etiquette Posted: 11/10/2009 12:43:52 PM
I was blocked twice this morning! First, a guy from Canada with a hunky pic on his profile contacted me. I told him when he moved to MO, contact me again. He said that I was too "blunt" and because I am such a ****y feminist, he was sure no man really wanted to meet me. When I tried to reply to his nasy note, he had blocked me. He was out for cybersex with an older woman. I bet the pic was not him. Second time, a guy from MO who had NEVER contacted me previously wanted to know if he could come by and spend a couple of days. I told him he needed to change his approach and that most women wouldn't acquiesce to a man they they didn't know coming by to spend a couple of days. He said I needed to look at my profile. When I tried to reply, he had blocked me. I know what my profile looks like, and because my pics display legs, it doesn't mean that every man who contacts me appeals to me. Both of the blocks were by men who couldn't take rejection and who were childish. They couldn't bear to hear me rip them apart, so they took the coward's way out. Amusing.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 76 (view)

Creepy Posted: 11/10/2009 12:38:12 PM
This is why I wouldn't drive 40 miles for a first date. And the guy took the chicken way out: he didn't tell her that there was no attraction, he lied and said he didn't feel well.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

A playful groper Posted: 11/10/2009 12:34:28 PM
When I was getting my MA, I worked as a tour guide at a winery one summer--I was in my late 40s. One of the men who decanted the champagne wanted to give me a morning hug everyday. I thought it was harmless until I realized that the friendly hug was his excuse to feel me up. They kept getting "huggier" and snugglier until I just stopped letting him hug me. However, whether to stop or not is up to your GF. You can express your dissatisfaction with the hugs, but it is really in her ball court. If she feels uncomfortable with him groping her, then your remarks might give her the impetus to quit letting him cop a feel. NO ONE has the right to touch a person in a way that makes the person being touched feel uncomfortable.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 181 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 11/10/2009 12:27:35 PM
Where do you get the 80%?

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Lesbian Attraction? Posted: 11/8/2009 5:07:15 PM
I was propositioned by a female teacher from the college where I teach. She found my feminine dress appealing and I guess she liked the rest of me, too. However, I found her highly unappealing because of her mannish dress and her general unattractiveness. People who dress slovenly or don't try to make themselves presentable are just not attractive to me, male or female. So, what attracts one woman to another is going to vary from person to person--just like in heterosexual attractions.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Why lunch or dinner? Posted: 11/8/2009 4:45:05 PM
Do what you wanna do--there are no laws on first meets.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Do I owe an explanation? Posted: 11/8/2009 4:43:10 PM
Yes, you should. You initiated it, you should finish it politely and with grace.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Are we all here for the same reasons ??? Posted: 11/8/2009 1:04:48 PM
We are all here for the same reason: to meet people. (Except for those who claim to be here for the forums and those who are so hideous that they don't want to meet in person but just email and beg for cybersex--ditto the married people.) But we are not here for the same reasons: some seek lifelong mates and others of us seek dating. Some of us seek dates but might change our minds about the lifelong mates in the future. I seek less than a lifelong mate, but I would like to meet a man who appeals to me in ALL ways whom I can see on a regular basis but waaaaay short of moving in. As yet, I haven't met one--in this venue or in real life. But hope springs eternal in the human heart, eh? You can filter some of the needy, etc., out in emails and some, you have to meet them. But what is the "genuine article"? And is it the same for everyone? I don't think so.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

lack of trust and harsh accusations Posted: 11/8/2009 12:58:23 PM
Say what? Could you put that in language that is easy to read and understand?

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 314 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/7/2009 9:14:07 AM
I'm just curious, as many men are, I suspect, why so many women INSIST on differentiating between "need" and "want", instead of taking the eminently more logical course of action, and not going on and on and ON about a poor choice of words... And why are you still on this forum posting about the subject? Methinks that you go on and on about semantics, as well. Words have power: the old rhyme "sticks and stone can break my bones but words will never hurt me" is grossly inaccurate. If words didn't have such power, the OP wouldn't have started this forum, you wouldn't have posted, and I wouldn't have posted. I am curious as to why SOME men cannot simply accept that SOME women have emotional and financial well-being and don't "need" men but still want a man in their lives. If the OP, and others, were not so offended by the use of certain words, this forum wouldn't exist. As a teacher, I suppose that I also fall prey to the idea that if I explain it succinctly enough, people will understand, but chosen ignorance or the inability to understand are both bad situations. I accept that SOME men, usually those with low self esteem and/or with a savior complex, NEED women to NEED them, but many men do not NEED women either--they WANT women. I have had dates with some of those needy men and ran screaming (that's hyperbole) from dinner because the guys wanted exclusivity on the first date or started planning our future together. And, as many men have informed women, their stated intentions are NOT what they're accomplishing, ie they wanna assure men they're not after their money, but they're only succeeding in annoying men, and putting them off. I might come into a forum and try to explain, but I wouldn't flout my independence on my profile because, as I said, it should be self evident. Neither do I speak about myself directly or outline the type of men whom I like to date--it is pointless because words can convey quite different meanings than the physical reality. Women's response? "Oh, no, you're taking it all wrong! You should understand it EXACTLY and ONLY as we mean it!" Why can't you accept my position and the position of other women? Why do you lump all women in together? I certainly don't lump all men in the same pile--that would not be silly, but self defeating. See, "in this context", the INTENTIONS are not leading to the desired outcome. A PERCEPTIVE and SHREWD person will realize this, and adjust accordingly, rather than continuing to fight for a lost cause... I am sorry, what cause is that? I don't have a problem attracting men in real life or online, so I didn't realize that my cause was lost. I mean, if I am on a dating site to meet men and I am meeting them, my "cause" is being met. I won't use the word "won" because it isn't a competition--not between you and me, not between me and other women, and not between me and men at large. I suppose I should get my shawl, put the cats on my lap, then sit in my rocker and wait for the eventual end because I am a lost cause. Snort.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 307 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/7/2009 8:13:17 AM
How does one build a LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP with someone who doesn't need you anyway? I have a couple of friends who are diabetic and NEED insulin. If they don't get it, they could die. If you NEED something, it places a whole different spin on the situation. Again, I have seen women who NEED a man in their lives. Some feel desperately unhappy because their "need" goes unfulfilled; others have gone through several men and then "disposed" of them. I have had friends, both men and women, who suffered to the point of near suicide when a partner left them because they NEEDED that person. Needs die, so does want . . . and there are loads of long-term relationships between people who who do not need each other except for the perception in their heads, or they stay out of different types of fears. Been there, done that.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 305 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/7/2009 8:06:03 AM
I wonder why so many women feel the need to scream and shout their perceived "independence" at the same time that they are on a dating site seeking men. They WANT a man to compliment THIER life. "Complement," not "compliment"--often confused homophones. And an an easy way to remember how to spell "their" is that it has a "the" in it. I don't "shout" about my independence because I don't have to--it is evident in the way I live my life. People have to advertise that they are independent or any other apsect of their lives or personality traits often lack those traits. It should be a matter of showing, not telling. However, being on a dating site doesn't necessarily mean that I am here to find a husband, a long-term relationship,or someone with whom I seek to make a life. I like the company of men; I like sex, but to say that I NEED a man is a misnomer and is a misnomer for other women. I WANT men in my life, I don't need a man. I am here to find a date. Im just getting fed-up with all these feminism nonsense creeping into every caveat of our lives. I am not sure what "caveat" means in this context since it is defined as a legal term or a word of warning. If you don't like that other women don't need men, how does that affect you or why should it bother you? You are free to accept or reject feminist "nonsense," but having reached the ripe old age of 57, I have seen one too many women and men (I said this before) feel the screaming NEED to have a member of the opposite sex in their lives that they put themselves in very bad situations over and over. Why can't we just accept the fact that the different genders NEED each other one way or the other? Be careful to differentiate between "fact" and "opinion" and also, fact from your personal truths. Most of us need human companionship; children who do not receive love from other humans grow up warped and stunted. Some people are total loners whose "need" for other humans is slight or nonexistent. We need members of the opposite sex to procreate, but gays can adopt and women can be artificially inseminated. Someday, I could very well change my mind about having a long-term partner, but when and if that happens, I want him to say, "I WANT you," and I want to respond, "I want you." Then, it is decision based on many aspects of who we are--and a desire to overcome any obstacles because we WANT to do so, not a partnership driven by need, which often blinds us to be clinging, have blind spots about aspects of the other person and, well, makes us needy. Happiness comes from within: if we NEED something or someone to make us happy, we have missed the mark. But again, if one has to advertise their lack of NEED, that person is probably needy.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

49 and never married/no children Posted: 11/7/2009 7:44:21 AM
It depends on why she has never been married or why she doesn't have children. Was that her choice because she was focused on a career? Never met the right man? (I find that hard to believe, 49 and NEVER met a man who appealed to her?) Or is she commitment phobic and so riddled with emotional problems that marriage seemed to be a trap? Was it a conscious decision not to have have or is she unable to have them? Has she had live-in or long-term relationships? A marriage license is only a legal document--it doesn't really mean that she has never been "married." But moreover, why do you "like" the idea? Do you think that she is fresh territory with no baggage? Do you like to go where no man has gone before? If so, you could be in for a brutal awakening when you delve deeper. What makes her better than a woman who has been married or who has children? But in reality, who on a forum can answer this for you?

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 294 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/5/2009 8:09:47 PM
You've said that often, but I don't see a lot of other people saying that. As a forum rat, not only have I, too, said move on to the next profile, but I have seen others say the same thing. Iy's not the not needing that's a negative; it's insisting that you can state it aggressively, and the other person has to like it, or else. Whoa, whoa, whoa!!! You do not have to LIKE it or else--that is an either/or fallacy when, indeed, there are other options. YOU control how you feel about "things," and if you don't, why allow people to manipulate you? But beyond that, how do these women state their lack of need aggressively? Is it, "I don't need ***hole men"? If so, get thee away, now! Sometimes (not always), you can be right, OR you can be happy; not both at once. Another either/or: I can be happy and right, happy and wrong, sad and right and/or sad and wrong--how does that apply to the situation at hand? I don't need a man--if I did, I would have died about four years ago when my last long-term relationship ended. However, as I stated previously, I like men and would like a man in my life on a more regular basis. How does that make me "right" in any way? You seem to be a person who sees things in black and white rather than gradients of gray and certainly not in living color. The only way I can think of as to how a woman saying she doesn't need men would hurt you is if a woman told YOU that specifically and you felt you needed her. Otherwise, next! Find a woman who needs you and don't worry about the ones who don't.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

Our 15 year long relationship ends and he meets someone on here and starts a family in 9 MONTHS! Posted: 11/5/2009 1:17:16 PM
I "make" of all this that although I understand your hurt, his life is none of your business. Move on, he has what he wants, and if he discovers it isn't what he wants--that's none of your business either, not unless he tries to come back to you. You moved out, TWICE, what was he supposed to do? Take responsibility for your actions and grow some ovaries. Kiss his memory good-bye and forge a new life.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 272 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/2/2009 8:28:58 PM
I said: OP, why does it matter? If a woman says that and it offends you, move on. Someone else said: Likewise, move on to the next thread and don't post on it. That simple, right? (Followed by a little red face of anger.) Geez, I didn't realize that such a simple statement could garner a mad icon! Must have touched a button there. Because some of us guys are curious as to what drives a woman to put something so negative on her profile. Of course, this has been an illustration of that old saw, "Ask two women why they do something, and you'll get three answers!". Why is "not needing" a man negative? I don't need a man, but I want a man in my life. If I "needed" a man, then I would suffer not having one, wouldn't I? I mean, if I NEED plasma or antibiotics and I don't get them, I will suffer. I am not suffering. But if I WANT something or someone, it puts a different slant on the issue. Personally, I prefer to be wanted rather than needed. If a man said he NEEDED me, I would think he was a bit deficient. It also puts an onus on me to provide for his needs. I enjoy the company of men for various reasons, and someday, I might want to live with a man again, but to say I need to have a man live with me . . . no. I have also seen too many women AND men who felt the NEED for someone in their lives and would get into a long-term relationship that was not good for them or go through a plethora of short-terms looking to fulfill their needs. As for asking two women what they want and getting three answers, I have been on POF for about four years--the same is true of men. Men are no more united in what they want nor are individuals of one mind. I have met men who said they wanted a long-term relationship, but were looking for a one night stand. I have met men who had "dating" on their profiles and during dinner, they started making plans for the rest of our lives together. Calm down, men, you aren't about to become extinct. You are still needed for your sperm by women of childbearing age. (Evil grin.)

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

The Box Posted: 11/2/2009 5:50:17 PM
It is question that simply cannot be answered: NO ONE knows for sure what he/she would do if faced with such a ludicrous situation. And whoever said we do it all the time is right, but ignorance is bliss, eh?

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

how long should a first meeting last and how do you get out of one without being rude? Posted: 11/2/2009 5:46:38 PM
I had a meeting where we never got into the restaurant. We met in the parking lot, I looked at him, he looked at me. He said something to the effect, "You can eat crackers in my bed any time you want." I said something to the effect, "I think I would rather eat garden slugs than be in your bed." True story, somewhat altered. Set a time limit. Explain that to limit pressure, you will meet for a 30 minute coffee/soda. If you like each other, you can easily extend the time, and if you don't like each other or one doesn't "feel it," you can say, "Time's up." I am quite blunt, but I have spent too much time listening to nice men who bore me silly rather than hurt their feelings and get up and walk out. And one guy said to me, "I have to be getting home now." Problem solved for both of us.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 88 (view)

Jesus is stealing my girlfriends! Posted: 11/2/2009 5:40:08 PM
That's why you should date pagans. Dionysus doesn't care if pagans have sex out of wedlock, and neither do Inanna, Aphrodite, and other pagan deities. You have to understand about SOME Christians--sex outside of marriage IS a sin. Period. Some rationalize having sex before marriage by thinking/planning to marry the person with whom she/he is having sex. However, I see a shift in the thinking of some Christians toward adultery being a sin but fornication isn't. This is stuffed into the heads of people born into Christian families--it was in mine, but it just didn't take too well with me. Guilt rules religion: it makes people easier to control. Control a person's sex life, you control just about the whole life.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Men, tell me whats the attraction Posted: 10/31/2009 8:30:00 AM
Because SOME men have savior complexes. I was in a store the other day and the intercom was playing an old song about a woman who was a "beautiful disaster"--a good-looking gal whose life was totally screwed up because she had been hurt so many times in her life. The song said that ALL she needed was for someone to take her home, i.e. a warm, caring, loving man who would give her everything she needed. Nope--she NEEDS COUNSELING AND SOME SELF ESTEEM AND SHE NEEDS TO BE BY HERSELF SO SHE CAN GET HERSELF TOGETHER. Sorry about the shouting, but people can truly only save themselves--yes, others can help, but taking home a woman and giving her a band-aid for her hurts is not help. SOME women have savior complexes, as well; it is that nurturing, motherly aspect that the media also exploits.

Gwendolyn2009

Joined: 1/22/2006

Msg: 107 (view)

His girlfriend sent me a message Posted: 10/30/2009 7:29:47 PM
I had an email from a man who looked like a model and who was going to college and playing football. It smelled funny. I responded with a smartass answer and received an email back from his "GF" who just saw the email and wanted me to call her so we could discuss the issue--and gave a phone number. I knew for sure then that it was a ruse for some advertising ploy and reported the profile. It was gone from POF in a matter of minutes. Caveat emptor.

Show ALL Forums