So this is your first time going out with her... chat & forums.

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actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

So this is your first time going out with her... Posted: 11/18/2009 7:54:56 PM
You will need to keep a respectful distance and ask her if she would mind going dutch. Wear what you're wearing now. Talk about the holidays. Don't eat crow. Be natural and be yourself. Don't start texting each other afterward whatever you do. Like I said, go dutch. You have nothing to reproach yourself for. Be confident and don't talk about your conquests or even your future ones....it's in very bad taste.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Wants to know about past realationship Posted: 11/18/2009 7:50:07 PM
Hi OP, I agree it is a weird situation but you can just tell him all the facts without trying to justify anything. He deserves to know if he is in any kind of danger dating you. Think about it...ex escapes from jail and murders ex and new beau in their sleep....I know it's extreme but it's probably the first thing that came to his mind. Giving him the facts without embellishment will help to de-dramatize the situation. Good luck.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/16/2009 7:42:55 AM
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks or expects from the other half of this type of relationship. You have given him two years of your life and he is reaping the benefits of a relationship with none of the commitment. We have all heard this before. It is interesting to think that these things apply to one sex only. What if, in fact, neither party wants the commitment and yet they have the joy, the intimacy, the fun, and the vacations without the headaches. Honestly, how is that giving somebody years of your life? We have also heard the old ''people settle because they do not want to be alone.'' Well, in my case, I prefer to be alone and that is why I choose to be where I am. Say about it what you like in order to move forward with your own agendas, but I do not think that either of us are in a position to judge others. I'll just add one more thing. I may be in transition myself. I can't speak for the OP but I certainly can relate to her. I may be moving from being that fiercely independent woman to one who is learning how to be intimate and loving with a partner without the drama and the issues. This may be a temporary phase in my development. They way I look at it is that at least I am out there practicing at being good at relationships rather than at home alone locking away my hardened heart. nuff said

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

honest answer... Posted: 11/16/2009 5:53:50 AM
OP, I am in the same boat as you. I have a FWB situation as well. We have been together for two years. We love each other and we are happy with what we have. I don't ask it to be anything more than it is and neither does he. Do not expect others to understand. They will use this example as a means to further their own agendas. That is human nature. If we can get to a place where we are happy and we work with the tension that exists because of all the 'unspokens,' we can design for ourselves a cushy dreamworld. It is not real, mind you, but is is our little piece of heaven. Who really has a handle on the world of "relationships" anyway? It ain't nobody's business what you do!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Very confused, someone clear me up? Posted: 11/15/2009 7:16:49 PM
Hmmmmmmmmmm, Maybe she was talking to the kat! Maybe it's the third pic where you're neked! Put some clothes on, and what game are you playing in the second pic where you looking like you're picking noses with a friend? Is that a game you play? Who nose?

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

I saw my ex's new woman/I don't know what I feel Posted: 11/15/2009 7:07:36 PM
Well, as is the case when someone does not accept you for who you are, you are hit with the image of the size 14 woman that he wanted you to be, with one exception....she is not you. He gave you up for a size....a size! He was saying to you that he did not accept all of you...the BBW you. You feel inferior because that is the message that you have sent yourself. Try another message. Try the word, woman. You are a woman. You are a big, beautiful woman. You and not inferior or superior to anyone. You are simply who you are....and that is enough. You measure up to your own standards. You measure up. Measuring up does not come from the size of the clothes you wear. People who only see this are shallow. You are who you are. Just keep being who you are and doing what you do.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 86 (view)

independent women fall the hardest Posted: 11/15/2009 6:45:53 PM
Naw....independent women just fall alone....and nobody is around to hear her when she falls, so the question is, "does she make a sound?" I used to describe myself as a fiercely independent woman until I realized that I was really a woman who did not want to have anyone get too close to me in case my walls would crumble. I am an independent woman because I live alone and have a career, but I do not tag myself as being an independent woman anymore. The label is too cumbersome and it is a lonely place to be when you are "independent," as Beershark has so eloquently pointed out. What an interesting thread with many insights from everyone.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 48 (view)

Would you be with someone that you knew you liked more? Posted: 11/15/2009 6:56:43 AM
Well, it looks like you are a totally hopeless romantic type who is in love with love....welcome to the club. I have been in this boat and I can tell you that with experience I have learned that when it feels like what you are feeling, it is a total opportunity for you to work on yourself by lightening up and become more well-rounded without laying trips on your guy friend. Right relationship is relationship with the self - whatever that entails because some people are also very spiritual. Try to become the person you want to attract. Be the independent spirit who values freedom to the point that you allow it to others. He is free to be and say what he want to, and so are you. While it's easier said than done, try not to lay your insecurities on him. Deal with those on your own. When you face a potential partner then you are facing the part of yourself that you admire and aspire to be. Being vulnerable in a relationship can be a gift and a strength to the point where you are not asking the other person to fill the void in your life. Your voids are yours to fill. You are perfect the way you are. Start loving and accepting yourself now with all of your strengths and weaknesses. A little bit of self-acceptance goes a long way toward being right with yourself and then being able to be in a right relationship with others. That's my two cents.....all the best to you and remember, we control our own thoughts....we are responsible for them.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Good things about Bad Dates ... Posted: 11/14/2009 6:35:14 PM
Personally I find the bad thing about good dates is that the heart starts to soar and it tries to take control of the mind. The good thing about bad dates is that the mind just rationalizes everything so that it's all good. We are such suckers for positivity, aren't we? (Somehow I just heard this inner thought in a Bugs Bunny voice)

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Should I Report This Guy? Posted: 11/14/2009 6:32:40 PM
Just hang up if he phones and block him if he tries to contact you on here....people like that like it when the other person is a 'gentile' type since it means they'll get more run for their dirty money. Just let it all escape your mind and find the peace you deserve.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 46 (view)

why do men assume you want to talk sex ? Posted: 11/14/2009 3:32:36 PM
Why are all women 5'4" with brown hair? OP, don't listen to Baldy...he's divorced and broke too!!! What does HE know? To Baldy....nice haircut....and new pic

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 45 (view)

why do men assume you want to talk sex ? Posted: 11/14/2009 3:31:03 PM
This is plentyofsex isn't it? OOPS....my bad!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

WTH is going on? Phone relationship?? Posted: 11/14/2009 3:00:54 PM
I agree with Wild...she is backtracking and is making a friend out of you. It happens. Just back away quietly. Good luck fishing....

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Jokes not aloud? Posted: 11/1/2009 7:21:55 AM
=> Profile Review is thataway =>

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

A friend's cheating husband Posted: 11/1/2009 7:00:16 AM
OP, people in this guy's position - with lots of money and influence and a deacon - feel they are above the law or at least that they can stretch the laws to suit them. That is very obvious here. How do you actually know that his wife does not know anything. Perhaps she has (as is her right in this situation) chosen to turn a blind eye and live the high life. How do you really know? I believe that if you show integrity in managing your own affairs then you have no obligation to meddle in other people's affairs. I say you are all the wiser to say nothing but to be there if and when the tower crumbles in your friend(s)'s world(s). Ours is not to judge.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

Ex coming back? Posted: 10/31/2009 3:13:00 PM
You know what they say about the one that got away, right? There's plenty of fish in the ocean. Time to recast your line and this time in a different pool.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Closed Minded Sugarcoated Love Posted: 10/25/2009 3:17:16 PM
Dude, your mom sounds like my mom. Is she an Aries? The only way you deal with a mountain goat is to smack them between the eyes.....hard! Your mother will respect you if you stand up for yourself. ..............if you don't stand for something..................... You'll fall for anything........ brilliant! Your mom is a piece of work...like mine. There is nothing you can do to get her approval...only disapproval. There is nothing you can do to change her. She thinks she's right because that's how her world stays together. She is probably very insecure. Let her live. She's yer mom! I know, that hurts to hear...believe me, but it's true. Live and let live. Stop trying to goad her....she'll fall for it every single time. Insanity is when you do the same things over and over again expecting different results. What's for supper??

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 10/25/2009 12:44:41 PM
OP, try to tease him and be playful with him and see if you can get the "grrr" out of him....you guys should have an Austin Powers movie night!! Honestly....these things just take time...do no, I repeat, do not discuss this with him. Then it will be game over. I know you don't like players but a little play and fun is always good. You are heading in the right direction. There is no rush to pass GO and collect your 200 dollars. Enjoy the view and just have fun and play a little.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Scaring him off? Posted: 10/25/2009 10:24:20 AM
Happiness is never forever, it comes in ebbs and flows. You must know that if you live in the moment then you will have no chance to let your fears control you. Fear is okay....but you always run the risk of creating the conditions that you fear....when you do that you must learn that if you can create those situations, then you can just as easily create happy ones. Think happy thoughts and don't let the past ruin the present; which is a gift to be grateful for.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

I like this girl Posted: 10/25/2009 9:02:26 AM
iv met this Girl in really do like her she ses she likes me and thinks highly of me we have been seeing each other 4 about a month now but she keep saying she dont want a boyfriend i dont no wot to do because we get along like a house on fire but im not going to get wot i want out of it :( So in other words, you've met this girl and you really do like her and she says that she likes you and thinks highly of you. You say you have been seeing each other for about a month but she keeps saying that she doesn't want a boyfriend. You do not know what to do because you and she get along like two peas in a pod but you are not going to get what you want out of it, does that sum it up? Is there a question in this? Are you asking for a grammar lesson? She accepts you for "who" you are and not "what" you are...for one thing. We accept you too.....for who you are!!! We do!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 31 (view)

Party like they're still in high school and other turn offs Posted: 10/25/2009 8:40:01 AM
Gee Moondance, I'd go on a 4-mile hike with ya!! Too bad you live so far away....I agree it's hard finding men our age who are as active as we are!!! But I found a man my age who is as busy as I am....and we only ever get to see one another about once a month....so that leaves time for some hiking in the woods with my gal pals. Cheers

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

is she just being friends or being safe Posted: 10/25/2009 8:32:42 AM
It sounds like you are afraid of your own feelings but you have to let them run their course. If you hop off, as you say, you will be creating drama for nothing. What is wrong with her wanting to just respect the relationship the way it is now. If you have more feelings for her then you know you can easily just ruin things by throwing a wrench into the works, right? Breathe. Let your heart live. Let it breathe. Let it love fully. That love does not mean that you should run. That love means that you are uplifted to be the very best man that you can be. If that means curbing your enthusiasm for the sake of respecting the hearts of everyone involved, then so be it. Your heart is a soldier.....carry on.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Did I miss something??? Posted: 10/25/2009 8:26:58 AM
YUP, you missed a bullet.....and if ya can dodge a bullet, ya can dodge a ball!!! OYE!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Been there done that, what advice to you give to someone getting married? Posted: 10/25/2009 8:19:05 AM
I'm not big on giving advice to people unless they ask for it. I am a UU Lay Chaplain and I happen to marry people, yes I do. I sit with the couple and ask them a few questions but like one poster already said, marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It is a sacred ceremony, a sacrament that involves more than a bank account and separate bedrooms. I always am happy at weddings. I give the event all of my faith and hope and wishes for the absolute very best. I have been there and done that myself but that does not mean I get to transfer my stuff onto others. I respect and admire couples who make it work. The best advice I could give a new couple is to talk to couples who have been married and happy for a long time. I really laughed at the poster who said to "argue naked" - now that is wise advice!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Sooo when is it Posted: 10/24/2009 7:29:22 PM
At least he got her boots she could run in!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Ex Posted: 10/24/2009 6:38:21 PM
Well OP, where it goes from here is definitely up to you. Are you strong enough to decide for your very own self what it is you want in your life including a mate? Not all relationships have to be traditional ones. I speak from experience. The man I love lives with his ex and they are raising a teenager. We love each other very much and have been together apart for two years, which suits me fine because I am not at all interested in having a live-in mate. His ex and he love each other and simply have separate love lives and do not share a bedroom. This is they way they have lived for ten years. I do not feel it is my place to judge since they have decided to both be there for their daughter. I don't need more than I have with him really.....it's six of one and half a dozen of another.....but ask anyone who is in any type of relationship if it is really any different for them? I have not found that it is. Yes, it seems like my guy gets to have his cake and eat it too....if that is how you want to slice the cake, but that is not the only way to see.... It's all about what you decide for yourself OP. There are so many people who are so ready and willing to judge. If that is what you are looking for, then perhaps you have come to the right place. Be honest with yourself and remember who you are.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

How do you get over someone? Posted: 10/24/2009 3:38:56 PM
Yes OP, love certainly does stink....and there's the putrid rot.....oh the putrescence!!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

do we REALLY want a relationship? Posted: 10/24/2009 3:35:14 PM
Oh yeah man....I settled about two years ago. I fell in love too....and he did too. We are both very happy. I would not exactly call it a relationship though, nor would I call it long term. I've totally settled on not labeling things and simply enjoying the moment. My heart is happy. I am happy. I only say I've settled because that's what others would say about it. Ah, who really knows the mind of another? We are all just figments of each others' imaginations at any rate.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Are women motivated to impress men? Posted: 10/24/2009 3:29:37 PM
I've tried to impress all kinds of people by being smart but it turns out I was just a smart ass! I guess I really just find it hard to try to impress people because when you do that you also have to have something to back it up.....ta da!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

heyy :) i need to know how to get over jealousy Posted: 10/24/2009 1:38:41 PM
OP, you have heard of self-fulfilling prophesies right? The issue for you is keeping yourself focused on what works in the relationship and not letting fear take over. Are you willing to risk a whole lifetime of happiness because you are not able to control your thoughts? I didn't think so. For me, ceremony is a very powerful symbol to the subconscious. I would write my negative feelings down on a piece of paper and then burn the paper and then bury the ashes with the knowledge that they are completely gone. Maybe you can think of a ceremony you could perform to put those negative thoughts to rest once and for all. The first step is recognizing you have the problem...and that is the biggest step...and you have already taken that big step...good on you! Good luck OP!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Tough question about honesty... Posted: 10/24/2009 7:44:20 AM
^^^^ WOW poster above me....scary pic and scary handle....OUF! I hope that is what you are going for.... To the OP....honesty is ALWAYS the best policy....no stringing hearts along....got it?

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 43 (view)

I am having a few issues with my girlfriend Posted: 10/23/2009 7:44:50 PM
Two months does not a girlfriend make....she is goading you into negative behaviour and you a a willing participant. You have issues with yourself. You are responsible for your own behaviour. She can do what she wants. Let her act two...as long as you can act four you've got the upper hand, so to speak. There's another elephant in the room.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Interested? Rubbing of the hair? Posted: 10/23/2009 5:15:35 PM
Okay....great! Have fun...we don't need the details from here.....!!! LOL...

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Two dates, no kiss, mixed signals, time to worry? Posted: 10/23/2009 5:07:24 PM
Yes, I agree with the last poster that you are perhaps the one who is sending mixed messages. I think you should be more forthcoming.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 71 (view)

seeing guy for 2 months and he still on pof Posted: 10/23/2009 4:51:51 PM
He's playing with fire and you need to check your batteries on your smoke detector.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Is it bad to compramise our values? Posted: 10/22/2009 8:03:46 AM
I believe there is a distinction between values and principles. People who argue and act on principle alone do not necessarily reflect upon what it is they are arguing about. These are the most difficult people to have a discussion with because I enjoy widening the margins of a thing in order to really grapple with it. A good philosophical discussion includes the what ifs and whatnot's that stretch the mind and challenge things such as principles. Values are underlying things that we are either conscious or not conscious of and they may or may not be our best friends depending on the context and the culture from within the values are called upon. No, it is never bad to compromise but not if we have to pay with the compromise with our self-esteem and/or identity; things that make us exactly who we are and from whence we shine and vibrate in this crazy ole world!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 141 (view)

And what was your part in it? Posted: 10/21/2009 8:23:34 PM
What relationship? That was a relationship? Oh dang!!! I did it again!!!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Trying to learn from this breakup Posted: 10/21/2009 1:48:08 PM
OP, the reference was to the movie where the guy has to take the girl out on new dates every time because she had no short term memory. I think you had better drop the bottle...it sounds like the booze is the problem...just my opinion....I know from experience that getting to the bottom of the bottle means you are feeling no pain....and little else to go with that.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

burger and chips Posted: 10/21/2009 1:42:49 PM
DUDE!!! You know a happy meal costs about 7 bucks right? Just buy tofu and Slice it and sprinkle onion soup mix and some water and bake it at 350 in a shallow pan for 30 minutes and slice some tomatoes and cucumbers and put out the Heinz and have a tofu burger on a sesame seed bun....slightly buttered and broiled, of course. Gheesh!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

The old Circle back..... Posted: 10/21/2009 7:44:36 AM
Honestly OP, why do you want to know? YAWN!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Is there such a thing as innocent flirting? Posted: 10/21/2009 7:36:07 AM
There is flirting and there is respect for someone who you find to be alluring and attractive. Just yesterday I contacted a poster on here to tell him that he exudes alluring qualities and I wished him luck. My intent was not dishonourable. I simply wanted to show my respect. It could be said that I was flirting but I really was not. Life is like that. People need positive support. p.s. I have noted the tendency of people to want to be right. This need trumps almost every other need. We're all right and nobody is wrong! I hope that settles things for everyone!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Having 2 cellphones Posted: 10/21/2009 7:18:28 AM
OP, I guess the operative word in your inquiry is "secretly." There's the rub. Ask him why he is keeping it secret? He's just like anybody else on this planet who is perhaps looking for a little excitement. If you rub it the right way, maybe a genie will pop out and grant you three wishes. Good luck and be careful what you wish for!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Asking someone out Posted: 10/20/2009 8:30:06 PM
You can walk up to her with the image of her being alone on so many Saturday nights and simply ask if she'd like to join you for a coffee at Starbucks. Good luck!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Playing games? Posted: 10/20/2009 8:14:39 PM
It's a sign from the universe that she will always be ready with the very valid excuses when she stands you up. Are you going to put up with that?? I say no Stop this craziness now

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Why would she tell me now? Posted: 10/20/2009 8:12:48 PM
It sounds like she's a drama queen....not her fault....it's Gossip Girl's fault!!! Yeah!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

How should I tell a girl I like her in a way that gives her an out and lets us remain friends? Posted: 10/20/2009 8:09:07 PM
The next time she asks you something point blank that hints at who you like or your preference in girls, you can just plainly tell her that the question is not fair because right now you have a crush on her and the answer will be biased. Just leave it at that....keep on keeping on and act as if you just didn't say that.....just my 2 cents...good luck...rootin' fer ya!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Mouth Shut or Tattle? Posted: 10/20/2009 8:00:52 PM
Decisions, decisions.....you live your life and let him live his. Case closed. Next!

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Feeling disconnected when apart Posted: 10/20/2009 5:44:21 PM
I totally think Concerto de Tuscan is onto something. It's normal....stop worrying about it and just have fun on weekends....what is the alternative? Why ruin something sweet by overthinking it.....peace and love.

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Where ya going, where ya been? Posted: 10/19/2009 9:19:06 PM
Superman, I have been telling myself all of my life that I'm not Superwoman. I have been working on a plan to live in the present moment and to let my heart sing. I had two near-death experiences at two and at eleven that taught me that life is simply not in our hands...not even if we believe it is! Live your whole life....I had a five year plan once and I am still looking for where I put that darned thing...need glasses to find my glasses first................

actualizing

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 49 (view)

Relationship with a metrosexual! Posted: 10/19/2009 8:52:05 PM
Well stereotypes exist for a reason I guess....metrosexual men are more interesting because they can embrace their feminine sides without being unmanly. I just think it's healthier than always swinging the pendulum back to bedrock if yano whadeye mean! The ideal metrosexual man would be one who still goes to football games but wears a nice dapper jacket and a patterned scarf to it....maybe a bowler hat too.

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