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greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Cheapest trip to Australia Posted: 11/28/2009 2:29:52 AM
Whitney Houston is touring down here in Febuary 2010. She'll be appearing live in the vineyards half an hours drive from where I live. Maybe you could apply for a roadie's job. Just a thought. Good luck.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Handy things kept around the house. Posted: 11/27/2009 7:49:51 PM
^^^^ Show me your rusty bits and I'll show yer me WD-40

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Handy things kept around the house. Posted: 11/27/2009 4:38:07 PM
Ok just been doing some spring cleaning, found I have 3 part used cans of WD-40 Mainly use this on my car and fishing gear, find it to be a good rust inhibitor. So decided to Google it and found quite a few uses that it can be utilised for. My question is does anyone have likewise products laying around that can be used for other purposes than what they are designed for? A few of the WD-40 uses below. VVVV 1) Protects silver from tarnishing. 2) Removes road tar and grime from cars. 3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings. 4) Gives floors that `just-waxed` sheen without making it slippery. 5) Keeps flies off cows. 6) Restores and cleans chalkboards. 7) Removes lipstick stains. 8) Loosens stubborn zippers. 9) Untangles jewelry chains. 10) Removes stains from stainless steel sinks. 11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill. 12) Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pot s from oxidizing. 13) Removes tomato stains from clothing. 14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots. 15) Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors. 16) Keeps scissors working smoothly. 17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes 18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Open some windows if you have a lot of marks. 19) Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car. Removed quickly, with WD-40! 20) Gives children's play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide. 21) Lubricates gear shift on lawn mowers. 22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises. 23) Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open. 24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close. 25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, well as vinyl bumpers. 26) Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles. 27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans. 28) Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling. 29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keep s them running smoothly. 30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools. 31) Removes splattered grease on stove. 32) Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging. 33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs. 34) Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell). 35) Removes all traces of duct tape. 36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain 37) Florida's favorite use 'Cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.' 38) Protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements. 39) WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. 40) Ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch. 41) WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag. 42) If you've washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and Presto! Lipstick is gone! 43) If you spray WD-40 on the distributor cap, it will displace the moisture and allow the car to start. Keep a can of WD-40 in your kitchen cabinet. It is good for oven burns or any other type of burn. It takes the burned feeling away and heals with NO scarring. Remember, the basic ingredient is FISH OIL

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 169 (view)

What's your star sign, and are you what they say your characteristics are ? Posted: 11/27/2009 4:08:11 PM
^^^^ Doesn't the male eat the female scorpion after sex? Or is it the other way round?

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 68 (view)

Texting while driving: Should it be a crime? Posted: 11/27/2009 1:07:43 PM
Here in NSW Australia, it's a $220 fine for using a mobile whilst driving. Plus the loss of demerit points, (you are given 12 demerit points on your licence, then points are deducted if you commit a driving offence. Lose the 12 points and the licence is cancelled.) think points lost for mobile phone use is 2 or 3 points.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 167 (view)

What's your star sign, and are you what they say your characteristics are ? Posted: 11/27/2009 12:07:50 PM
I'm a Scorpio, now that this thread has resurfaced, decided to research said star sign: Scorpio 24 October - 21 November Scorpions are most often very prim and proper, not enjoying fart jokes or Calvin and Hobbes "pissing" pictures. Whilst they do a sense of humour, Scorpio is the star-sign most likely to use the phrase "I have a very good sense of humour, it's you that doesn't". Whilst being one of the more uptight star-signs, Scorpio is also well endowed in the sexual areas. For men, this can be referenced in the pseudo-medical manner as "Trouser-Snakeage". For women, "Ample Breastage". Many Scorpions are also proud to have at their disposal, an almost insatiable appetite for love and are often quite overpowering in the giving and receiving of attentions. Scorpio also tend to have a very poor sense of time, often losing it altogether. Whilst this does mean that Scorpions are one of the most likely star-signs to be late for a meeting, it also accounts for the alarming statistic that 47% of all recorded alien-abductees are Scorpions. 98% of those have reported losing time on their way to and from the alien's craft, whilst 21% of them pronounced upon landing that their "butt was sore". All Scorpions are required by law to have a tattoo of a scorpion placed on the small of their back or on one of their shoulders. Beejeezuz I think they've nailed it!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

ls too much SEX bad for you??? ..lol Posted: 11/25/2009 9:15:39 PM
we arent supposed to have sex once pregnant because the lecathin is used to make up the babies brain.Fact! That explains why I was never a scholar. Hmmm.................Mother!!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

G. Edward Griffin's A World Without Cancer - The Story Of Vitamin B-17 Posted: 11/24/2009 7:50:43 PM
HUNZA In the remote recesses of the Himalayan Mountains, between West Pakistan, India and China there is a tiny Kingdom called Hunza. These people are known world over for their amazing longevity and health. They live well beyond 100 years and have commonly been known to still father children at the age of 110. One of the first medical teams to study the Hunza was headed by world-renown British surgeon Dr Robert McCarrison. Writing in the AMA Journal Jan 7, 1922 he reported: "The Hunza has no known incidence of cancer. They have an abundant crop of apricots. These they dry in the sun and use largely in their food". It is interesting to note that the traditional Hunza Diet contains over 200 times more nitriloside (B17 Rich food) than the average American or Australian Diet. There is no such thing as money in Hunza. A mans wealth is measured by the number of apricot trees he owns. And the most prized of all foods was considered to be the apricot seed. It is very common for the Hunza to eat between 30 - 50 (ie. about 30mg of B17) apricot seeds as an after lunch snack. The thousands of seeds they do not eat they store or grind them very finely and then squeezed under pressure to produce a very rich oil used in cooking and to apply to the skin. The apricot is staple food in Hunza. They use the apricot, its seed and the oil for practically everything. In addition to the ever present apricot, the hunzahuts eat mainly grain and fresh vegetables. These include buckwheat, millet, alfalfa, peas, broad beans, turnips, lettuce, sprouting pulse and berries of various sorts. All of these with the exception of lettuce and turnips contain vitamin B17. It is important to know when the Hunza leave their secluded land and adopt the menus of other countries, they soon succumb to the same diseases and infirmities including cancer as the rest of man kind.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

The ETS....any ideas?? Posted: 11/24/2009 5:11:07 PM
I'm a country member"... to which Gough Whitlam interjected "Yes. We remember." ;-) Order!..............Order!............Order in the house!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

Where to find orange panties? Posted: 11/23/2009 9:07:45 PM
Cleanin out my glove compartment, found a pair of orange panties. But dang can't remember who they belong to???????????????

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Ironing Posted: 11/23/2009 1:40:06 PM
Thanks for all the advice :) I tried some ironing yesterday night, and it didn't turn out half bad :) Ok then , now your on a roll I'll send a couple of basket loads your way, wouldn't want you to lose your touch.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

The festival of the dolphin massacre Posted: 11/23/2009 1:21:07 PM
Not only in Denmark, but also Broome West Australia's sister city in Japan: (Quote Wednesday, October 14, 2009 Broom, Australia Reverses Suspension of Sister-City Tie w/ Taiji, Japan Help Needed. The Broome Shire Council has voted to reverse its suspension of its sister-city relationship with the town of Taiji due to the slaughter of dolphins. While their new resolution includes some language recommending “alternative economic opportunities similar to those that have seen Broome flourish through tourism and promotion of its natural marine resources and landscape beauty", it is unlikely the fishermen of Taiji will accept such support in exchange for stopping the slaughter of dolphins (including pilot whales). This is a dangerous and misguided step, and we must fight against it. If the Broome Council sincerely desires to support the people of Taiji, how can it condone the distribution and sale of mercury-laden dolphin meat to the people of Japan, including many schoolchildren? We urge you to continue sending letters to the Broome Shire Council to end support for the Taiji dolphin slaughter. You can take action here: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/609044984?z00m=19796850 9,000 letters have flooded into Broome in the past 2 days urging the Council to hold on to its brave position. They should not give in to the intense pressure from the Japanese government and the city of Taiji. Too much is at stake. Keep up the pressure by sending letters at: http://www.thepetitionsite.com/takeaction/609044984?z00m=19796850 Read the article at: http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/nn20091015a4.html Check our blog for latest updates at: http://www.savejapandolphins.org/blog.html

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Bottom Line - Is it Ok to Shag Your Step Siblings ?????? Posted: 11/21/2009 11:53:19 PM
This 14-year-old boy from Kentucky was banging his 12-year-old sister. He says "Damn sis, you're almost as good as Mamma." She replies "Yeah that's what Pappa says."

Horizontal Cazonova

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 861 (view)

why parachutes for the cargo in weather balloons are orange. Posted: 11/20/2009 4:28:56 PM
The Bathtub Test During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director how do You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. 'Well,' said the Director, 'we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.' 'Oh, I understand,' I said. 'A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.' 'No.' said the Director, 'A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?' ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 985 (view)

Post a JOKE Posted: 11/19/2009 1:48:59 PM
A married couple are having marital problems. they go to a counselor. The wife explains to him that there are two things about her husband that bother her: He's always picking his nose and he never lets her get on top when they have sex. The marriage counselor asks the husband to explain this. The husbands replies that before his father passed away, he gave him two pieces of advice: Always keep your nose clean and never fkuc up.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 71 (view)

Sex and Alcohol Posted: 11/18/2009 11:41:09 PM
Alchohol Warnings............................................................................................... Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the AHA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers: WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an ***hole. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember). WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big guy named FRANZ. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

The love equation Posted: 11/18/2009 3:07:40 PM
^^^^What's the chances of a loan??

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 983 (view)

Post a JOKE Posted: 11/17/2009 11:28:14 AM
The Sunday Paper � For all of us who are seniors - for all of you who know seniors - And for all of you who will be seniors. ...... It pays to be able to laugh about it when you are! And, speaking of senior moments: "WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?" the irate customer calling the news agent's store loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was. "Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY". There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter, "Well f**k me dead ... that's why no one was at church today".

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 982 (view)

Post a JOKE Posted: 11/16/2009 12:50:50 PM
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs are roaming in the forest when they come across a lake. The water was enticing and Snow White decides to take a bath. So she tells the Dwarfs to turn around while she is taking a bath in the lake. The Dwarfs protest vehemently because they want to take a bath too. Snow White relents and says "When I get into the water and you hear the splash, you can turn around." Snow White undresses and as she is about to jump into the water, at that very moment, she is startled by a frog who jumps into the water before she can. The moment the Dwarfs hear the SPLASH, they turn around and see Snow White standing NAKED. Now, given that this incident is an idea for a TV ad, what product is being advertised? That's easy.... Seven-Up!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

driving Posted: 11/15/2009 4:17:08 PM
Definitely a manual, ya cant beat the feel of a rigid stick in your hand!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

death and your bodys after life... Posted: 11/14/2009 4:04:41 PM
^^^^ Hey Rob, a lot of people would probably like to see my head mounted in a trophy room, right alongside the moose.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 979 (view)

Post a JOKE Posted: 11/14/2009 4:00:57 PM
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.' She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.' The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian. '

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

death and your bodys after life... Posted: 11/14/2009 10:35:11 AM
I just wanna be stuffed and mounted!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

funny one liners thread Posted: 11/14/2009 10:25:21 AM
"I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge." "Is anything worn under the kilt? No it's all in working order." "Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?"

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 978 (view)

Post a JOKE Posted: 11/13/2009 11:21:00 PM
------------------------------------------------------------------ Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe.... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to get her medical assistance. Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from a large, old house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty.. We've been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?" "I'm sorry," replied the hunchback, "but we don't have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!" Bob brings his wife in. An older man comes down the stairs. "I'm afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist.. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.." With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor's master looks worried. "Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion." Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more. The Hills' deaths upset Igor's master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting melody fills the house. Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty's hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music.. Stunned, he watches as Bob's arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty and Bob both sit up straight! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: "Master, Master! ..... The Hills are alive with the sound of music!"

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 52 (view)

What's the worst or most inappropriate gift you ever received? Posted: 11/12/2009 10:07:31 PM
^^^^Errrrr......Peking duck perhaps??

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 95 (view)

Bumper Stickers!! Posted: 11/12/2009 12:29:10 PM
"The bodies in the trunk are mine!..So Back off!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 57 (view)

Whats rocks you in a song...., lyrics, tune, rhythm or all of them ?? Posted: 11/11/2009 6:47:01 PM
jeeze.., whats her name, that glamorous African/American latter day Dianna Ross type singer ? ♥♥♥ Whitney Houston♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Are cockroaches portents from god? Posted: 11/11/2009 6:23:18 PM
A man was sitting at home one evening, when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, a 6 foot tall c0ckroach was standing there. The c0ckroach immediately punched him between the eyes and scampered off. The next evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang again. When he answered the door, the c0ckroach was there again. This time, it punched him, kicked him and karate chopped him before running away. The third evening, the man was sitting at home when the doorbell rang. When he answered the door, the c0ckroach was there yet again. It leapt at him and stabbed him several times before running off. The gravely injured man managed to crawl to the telephone and summoned an ambulance. He was rushed to intensive care, where they saved his life. The next morning, the doctor was doing his rounds. He asked the man what happened, so the man explained about the 6 foot c0ckroach's attacks, culminating in the near fatal stabbing. The doctor thought for a moment and said, "Yes, there's a nasty bug going around."

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Email for a retiree. Posted: 11/11/2009 2:12:52 PM
INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT SEX: Global Facts . . . At Any Given Moment: FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex - right now. FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing. FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex. FACT: 1 old timer is reading emails. You hang in there, Sunshine . . ..

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Let the lips sing Posted: 11/10/2009 1:35:02 PM
Maybe while we've got Brittney out here we could get her to do the shave thing again. After all it is Movember month. I don't think she could falsify that, not unless she pulls a rubber over her head. Then they could call it a safe publicity stunt. jest a thought............

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

Whats rocks you in a song...., lyrics, tune, rhythm or all of them ?? Posted: 11/10/2009 12:57:36 AM
I'M MY OWN GRANPA. Oh, many, many years ago When I was twenty-three I was married to a widow Who was pretty as can be This widow had a grown-up daughter Who had hair of red My father fell in love with her And soon the two were wed This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life For my daughter was my mother 'Cause she was my father's wife To complicate the matter Though it really brought me joy I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy This little baby then became A brother-in-law to Dad And so became my uncle Though it made me very sad For if he was my uncle Then that also made him brother Of the widow's grown-up daughter WHo of course is my step-mother Chorus I'm my own grandpa I'm my own grandpa It sounds funny I know But it really is so Oh, I'm my own grandpa My father's wife then had a son Who kept them on the run And he became my grandchild For he was my daughter's son My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue Because although she is my wife She's my grandmother too Now if my wife is my grandmother Then I'm her grandchild And every time I think of it It nearly drives me wild For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw As husband of my grandma I am my own grandpa [chorus]

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Significant birthdays Posted: 11/8/2009 12:50:00 PM
I've sure gotten old. I've had two By-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 66 or 96 Have lost all my friends. But.....Thank God, I still have my NSW driver's license! Always remember my friend, 'once your over the hill, you always pick up speed!' Happy birthday.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

The voices made me do it... Posted: 11/7/2009 8:10:17 PM
I had one of those Indian Mahatmacoat's from a call centre ring me a couple of weeks back. couldn't work out a word he was sayin, so let him ramble on for a few minutes. When he stopped I replied in my best Donald Duck impersonation. After about 10 minutes of senseless quacking, I stopped to catch my breath. There was a short pause.......then the voice on the other end asked......."pardon?" So I started my Donald Ducking again.....then he hangs up!........How rude?

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 62 (view)

Do older women fancy quite younger men? Posted: 11/7/2009 2:33:59 PM
I want some old fart with droopy eyelids, jowls like handbags, a saggy hairy arse, copious nasal hair, a ginormous belly, sleep apnoea, spider veins all over his legs, swollen ankles, audible laboured breathing and a heart condition. By comparison I’d look like a freaking goddess! You rang??

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Why do we post on Plenty of Fish? Posted: 11/4/2009 6:16:15 AM
Beats washing, ironing, etc. etc.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 90 (view)

What is the best Australian book you have read? Posted: 11/3/2009 4:31:40 PM
The 20,000 best pubs in Aus. By (some drunken twit)

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 852 (view)

Joke of the day !! Posted: 11/3/2009 2:02:39 PM
This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters. Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot. At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go. Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity. At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper. The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella' s door and the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart. "Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge. When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk. Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly. Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

MELBOURNE CUP ~ Tips Wanted :) Posted: 11/2/2009 1:35:58 PM
Yellow yellow Daffodil, dancing in the sun.. oh yellow , yellow Daffodil, you tell me spring has come. I can hear a blue bird sing, and hear a robin call. but yellow yellow Daffodil I love you most of all. ♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫♫

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Vodka....please explain ladies!! Posted: 10/30/2009 7:47:42 PM
have you ever taken a brush and blotting paper out with you on a Friday night, drinking Vodka?.. No.......but I always take a dunny roll, ya never know when things might start Russian!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Sophistication or simplicity ? Posted: 10/30/2009 4:05:12 AM
^^^^ Rumor has it , it was a sophisticated sausage sizzle!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Vodka....please explain ladies!! Posted: 10/30/2009 3:53:55 AM
Other uses for Vodka * To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves adhesive. * To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set five minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew. * To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs. * Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting. * Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, and then blot dry. * Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores. * Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair, and stimulates the growth of healthy hair. * Fill a sixteen-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them. * Pour one-half cup vodka and one-half cup water in a Ziploc freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, re-freshable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes. * Fill a clean, used mayonnaise jar with freshly packed lavender flowers, fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly and set in the sun for three days. Strain the liquid through a coffee filter, then apply the tincture to aches and pains. * To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment. * To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka. * Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting. * Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin. * Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain. And silly me .......... I've only been drinking the stuff!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Vodka....please explain ladies!! Posted: 10/29/2009 4:00:27 PM
Igor, a successful Russian agrarian, is walking along the shore of the Black Sea. He finds an odd shaped lamp, so he picks it up and rubs it in jest. Out pops a Genie and promises to grant Igor only one wish. "Gee, I have everything I need. I have a beautiful loving spouse, more money than I could ever spend, and I am free to travel anywhere in the world tending to my business interests. I really can't think of anything that I really need," says Igor. "Think hard," says the Genie, "there must be something you wish that you had." So Igor thinks long and hard for 20 minutes. Finally he says, "You know, I really do love drinking good Vodka, but sometimes I just can't find it when I want some. Therefore, I wish that I could piss Vodka." "Very well," says the Genie, "Pissing Vodka you shall have." The genie hands him a glass and instructs him to piss in it. He does. Then she asks him to smell it. He does. Then she asks him to taste it. He does. "This is the best Vodka I've ever tasted!" Igor exclaims. "Thank you." The Genie disappears, and Igor returns home. That night Igor gets 2 glasses and pisses into each one. He takes them into the den and gives one to his wife to drink and one for himself. "This is delicious," his wife Raisa tells him. So every night for the next 5 night he comes home from work, pisses in 2 glasses and enjoys the drink with his wife. On the seventh night he comes home from work but only pisses Vodka into one glass. When he enters the den, Raisa asks him,"Where is my drink dear Igor." "Ah," Igor replies, "Tonight I will teach you how to drink right from the bottle."

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Smile it confuses people..!!! Posted: 10/28/2009 3:25:53 AM
Wear a smile and have friends; wear a scowl and have wrinkles. ♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫ ♫♫

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

So as summer approaches, are we Fire Ready this time? Are you? Posted: 10/27/2009 9:24:30 PM
^^^^XXXX Gold.............does that make it a golden shower?

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Ratio of men to women with degrees on POF 5:1 !! Posted: 10/27/2009 7:11:12 PM
Now can we please all get back to talking about the seasonal variations of wing plumage in Botswanian ducks Yes yes..I use variety of herb ratios with a degree of marination of said duck. A ratio of .....salt. pepper, mint, tyne garlic, basil........... lots of variations.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 52 (view)

Funny One-Liners, Bumper Stickers, etc etc Posted: 10/27/2009 2:13:31 PM
Can't feed 'em? DON'T BREED 'EM!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

The love equation Posted: 10/26/2009 3:33:13 PM
Here is a love letter written by a mathematician De-Morgan's Law, Binomial Avenue, United States of Matrices. My Dear Love, Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane. There I saw you with our cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was a null set, but when a vector of magnitude (likeness) from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, it differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots, which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The cosine of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial functions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10. With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

poetry as foreplay Posted: 10/25/2009 6:44:12 PM
AS the the aroma's of a thousand roses exuded from her within- The trembling arm embracing her from afar, belonged to him- With the skills of a soldier in the heat of war, his sweat dripped on hardened floor- The first sound to leave her was an exclaim, but he he moved on through excruciating pain- At last the sweet sound of a snap, only to be engullfed in a volley of slaps- Bloody bra straps!!

greynomad43

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 846 (view)

Joke of the day !! Posted: 10/25/2009 4:50:17 PM
A friend sent me a forward with the note that these questions were posted on an Australian Tourism website, and that the responses are answers by the officials. Here are some of them! Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. __________________________________________________ Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? A: Depends how much you've been drinking. __________________________________________________ Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. ________________________________________________ Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. __________________________________________________ Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe . Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not....oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. __________________________________________________

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