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excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 106 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/21/2009 2:46:51 PM
OP its great you're being a man - and stick to your guns, but boasting and the conquest thing does appear you're insecure. Its only a suggestion - but I wouldn't keep responding directly to each person and their critiques, thats what they want is to antagonize you, and you're falling for it. This is the internet. Lowering yourself to mud slinging gets you muddy too. I don't know how educated or inteligent you are (thats not an insult, just saying), but I notice that many articulate and intelligent men & women on POF are often attacked for simply expressing an opinion. Ignorant people feel inferior and often attack as a preemptive way of protecting themselves or dealing with their own issues. Again, great to debate and challenge, not cool to degrade and humilliate.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 93 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/19/2009 10:58:03 PM
There are various communication styles and levels. OP has a style that isn't quite as direct or overt that some of the readers may be used to. OP quotes the female, then he substitutes his own words (paraphrases?) the female in the next line. Thoughtfully read through, it is fairly clear what he is saying. Its great to challenge others and disagree or debate, but, there were a lot of invalidating and attacking type of comments from several readers, which, OP fell for the bait and responded aggressively as well - and of course it went downhill from there. POF is a free site, you get what you pay for. There are a lot of folks out there who want to argue and antagonize and invalidate. The thing is, even if you slam someone here and it looks cute or makes you feel righteous, to any decent person its quite transparent - and a poor reflection upon yourself. For the issue at hand, I have also had women become upset because I wouldn't come onto them right away. Once it was due to not sleeping with her on 2nd date. With another woman on our first date she got very, very mad because I didn't hold her hand walking on the beach. There are people out there who can't communicate what they want its not your fault.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 113 (view)

Must have car and job=gold digger? Posted: 11/11/2009 10:46:22 PM
Requiring a car and employment isn't gold digging - but, it might appear to some others that you're more interested in assets and material than charachter. Its also possible you end up excluding a potentially great partner. There are great people with great minds and wonderful hearts who may be in a difficult, but temporary bind. I think we have to assess each individual situation. Blanket statements don't do anyone justice. Also, there definitely are gold diggers out there-don't kid yourself in the least. When I first moved to CA, I went on a date. Now, I had a messy apartment, boxes and sparsley furnished (I had just moved here like 3 weeks before and was getting set up). Despite the fact I live in a much better area than her, and actually make more money than her, she didn't care to discuss finances but made a snap judgement and said "I have a son entering college in a few months and need someone to help and I can help with their kids too sometimes..." blah blah. Instead of setting her straight about my finances - I just thanked my lucky stars to know what she was all about up front. Not all women are like this, but there are some shallow and superficial people out there - beware.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 267 (view)

Why some men never want marry? Posted: 11/10/2009 9:46:28 PM
Plenty of invalidating going on here, as in many threads. I've learned to try and make clear statements w/o attacking a specific person or entire gender or entire group of people. Tufluv made irrational comments and continues to do so with broad, overgeneralizing, inaccurate remarks. Its clear she wants men's attention in the forum and what better way to get it than antagonizing. Its great to express an opinion and be passionate, but at a certain point the transparent anger & hostility strips you (meaning anyone) of credibility and any reasonable person will stop reading your comments. Then you lose the ability to communicate effectively and persuade the audience on your point of view. Just my thoughts.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 233 (view)

Why some men never want marry? Posted: 11/9/2009 11:15:40 PM
Interesting. Critical comments on men & over generalizing galore. Working less hours would seem to be beneficial for a relationship - you can spend more time with kids and spouse. Who wants a partner that works 60+hr a week? What a nonsensical comment about working less. Not to mention, especially Americans (men and women) work substantially more than most of the world with significantly less vacation. Furthermore, technology allows us to be more productive and thus less time needed to work-and less stress to wear you out. People are living longer not only b/c of better medical care, but also b/c, substantially fewer people have to toil 16 hours a day in a field under the sun to make a living. Hunting your dinner? Are you kidding me. Thats like saying women should be sewing & knitting our clothes. Hunted food, has a high chance of disease - rabies, hepatitis, plague. Good grief I think you want to repress men and live in the stone age but keep all the benefits of modern society for yourself. Building your home? Do you understand economics 101? People specialize in areas, so that their contributions to those areas are much more profound and beneficial to society. Some people specialize in construction, and do it very well...so that your doctor can focus on medicine. Do you want your doctor building his home, or, researching and promoting the next great medical advance? Should your policeman build his house in the evenings so he's exhausted every morning when he reports for duty? This is basic economics. Not enough room here to go into more detail & examples but you get the point. Think people, think!

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 89 (view)

Should men be bolder in dating, sex and relationships? Posted: 8/17/2009 11:13:28 PM
Thanks manhattan. I think the whole 'alpha' male concept is suspect. Wolves have alpha males. While wolves are an adaptive and wiley species, they are no match for humans, we are much more complex and evolved. We are no longer in caves. Alpha male concept may be somewhat relevant in youth, when we don't know who we are yet and/or our value system isn't as strong as an adult's, and we fall into 'following' patterns more easily. Many men in prison are aggressive, and they are quite adaptive to the environments they grew up in. 'Alpha' males in their own subculture, yet a burden on society. I believe the alpha/beta male thing is one of our convenient ways to try and categorize people and then expect them to behave accordingly. Its really a reductionistic, Darwinistic perspective. It just seems its really oversimplifying and reducing people to a single role. Hopefully I'm not misunderstood in the sense that, again, courage is important and assertiveness is crucial but honestly I don't believe a truly good leader wants to dominate or control anyone. I've seen too many 'leaders' lacking in charachter and intelligence and lead people astray. Getting back to the dating thing, I can make a decision and plan a date, but I like a woman who wants to (if not right away then very soon) participate in the planning and so on. Its a sign of assertiveness and intelligence, and overall in a relationship if a woman can share in the responsibilities its less stress on me/her as we'll both feel there is some teamwork involved. Certainly there are situations where one or the other 'takes over' for a time on decisions, but as long as there is a give-and-take those seem to be the best, most enduring and successful relationships IMHO.

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 73 (view)

Should men be bolder in dating, sex and relationships? Posted: 8/11/2009 10:29:44 PM
Freud used to prescribe cocaine to his patients, labeled women as 'hysterical' who were experiencing PMS and Menopause, and many other odd and erroneous declarations. Artaxerxes states it well, courage is being yourself and doing whats right regardless of what others think or say. Its saying no to a drink if you don't drink, its telling your date you prefer the beach to a movie, whatever it is, being yourself takes courage. The whole caveman/alpha male argument makes me laugh. Leadership skills are important I'll agree, but really it was the most intelligent individuals (men and women) who survived, evolved and prospered, not necessarily the most aggressive or physical. Prisons are full of aggressive 'alpha' males in fact. On an evolutionary discussion, Neandertal disappeared and 'lost' to modern Homo Sapiens, eventhough Neandertal was a physically stronger and more aggressive specimen. As a species, humans benefit greatly from the diversity of the population. We all benefit from computer whizzes, engineers, doctors, construction workers, janitors, etc. Whether you're a 'nerd' (what society labels as a nerd) or in a leadership position, everyone has an important role and contribution to make. In fact, a true leader male or female, realizes this. A true leader sees himself/herself as a servant to the group and can motivate others to be their best. So, being the best you are, whether you're introverted, extroverted, muscle-bound or in a wheelchair, allows you to feel good about yourself and benefits the society as a whole. This may sound like an idealistic perspective but I truly believe this.

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Bipolar? Is this the new disease? Posted: 8/5/2009 12:06:20 AM
Our society likes categorizing & labeling people, which makes it 'easier' to funnel them to some treatment, medication, etc. instead of trying to deal with the issues. Over diagnosing is a big problem here in the U.S., everything from ADD to Bipolar to condition A - B - C. These conditions exist and are real, however, psychiatry and pharmaceuticals have become a huge industry here and its growing overseas. Btw a lot of today's psychotropic medication is being manufactured in...China. With the contamination issues they have with their food supply its not comforting idea of having medication made there. Okay getting back to the OP question, the fact you are honest enough to admit there are things you can improve and work on would indicate you're probably not bipolar. Also, there are spectrums of these conditions, e.g., cyclothymia is a type of 'watered down' bipolar disorder. Less severe mood swings but actually more frequent mood changes. Bipolars also tend to be hyper sexual and as someone mentioned addictive personalities. I'd say don't allow anyone to lable you or try to make you doubt yourself. We all have things to work on and improve. Those who are always pointing the finger usually do it to keep others from noticing their own defects.

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 85 (view)

Drugs?! Posted: 7/24/2009 8:33:01 PM
Detailed info from the gov't. Most of that info is probably (emphasis) accurate. Curiously enough none of the info in that article from NIDA doesn't mention anything about terminally ill people. Probably b/c they realize it is a helpful solution for the pain and nausea caused by some conditions.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 1033 (view)

Do you think there should be laws against people who trick you into sexual encounters! Posted: 7/17/2009 12:49:49 AM
This is a really long thread.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 80 (view)

Drugs?! Posted: 7/17/2009 12:21:19 AM
Apart from the neo reductionist position some are taking on the subject, marijuana is being studied and as mentioned previously, scientists are on the trail to someday soon producing synthetic THC and whatever other beneficial medicinal compounds there are in the plant. In the meantime, for some terminally ill patients who have gone through the medicine cabinet so to speak looking for a drug that will alleviate their issues and some, a few, have found that only this particular plant marijuana will alleviate their symptoms. One could argue with other healthy people here, but, I doubt one is going to argue with a dying man/woman. On a side note, I've discovered that refraining from expletives and direct attacks on dissenting opinions, its often more productive to respect another's opinion and to also present one's own arguments in a reasonable and mature way.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 78 (view)

Drugs?! Posted: 7/15/2009 11:26:32 PM
I personally do not use pot or other illegal drugs. Nonetheless, even scientists and physicians agree the compounds in marijuana can address symptoms like nausea in cancer/chemo patients that other drugs simply do not alleviate. If this weren't the case, they wouldn't be working on ways to extract THC and other compounds from marijuana to make a synthetic form of it. In addition, there are pain medications out there but many of those are opiate-based, significantly more addictive, and may have more side effects than THC. While I appreciate your staunch stance against illegal drug use, and generally thats a laudable position to take, and generally the position I take, its still unfair to prohibit people who have legitimate illnesses from seeking alleviation from pain & sickness that regular medication doesn't help with. IMHO.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 58 (view)

Drugs?! Posted: 7/12/2009 11:25:11 PM
There are many facets to this story. Most of the posts here are factual and accurate. Yes, the U.S. is overly medicated, we diagnose, categorize and classify people w/ all kinds of syndromes then turn to medication to deal w/ those life's stresses and stressors. Its not a healthy trend. Yes the pharmaceutical companies and lobbyists own the Senate and House to pass more bills through supporting those companies. Its a business. We are an over medicated society w/o a doubt. However, there are many medications that are needed for things that were considered 'psychological' just a few years ago - fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, hypothyroidism, various genetic syndromes (look up Velo Cardio Facial Syndrome for instance). Many of these conditions are substantially more manageable with medication. The other comments about marijuana, there are many habitual users who make excuses just to get high. But there are many patients who can substantially benefit from marijuana due to the lessening of nausea (forgot who said that in previous post), low-impact pain relief, etc. Its a complicated issue but I think limited small quanity legalization isn't a bad thing (I do not use marijuana myself).

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

Dating Abductees Posted: 7/12/2009 11:08:42 PM
Depends if they were illegal aliens . Just kidding. Here is food for thought though. Old Jewish texts make many references to other life forms in the universe. There are also Old Testament verses, one in Ezekiel for instance, where he was apparently describing some kind of UFO. The Mona Lista painting has a flying disk in it in the background, and I also believe there were ancient coins w/ flying disks on them (Roman or Greek- dont remember). There are others who say the UFOs are not aliens but rather time travellers from the future. Personally I think its possible other higher life forms exist but don't know about the abductions part.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

small pool of fickle-seeming women- what now? Posted: 7/12/2009 10:12:36 PM
I liked the 2nd pic on her profile its cute. To be honest I'm not a big supporter of homosexual lifestyle, but I've seen her post comments on several other forums and they're always thoughtful, insightful, honest and yet decent and respectful. I wouldn't pay too much attention to ppl who try to invalidate you based on your opinions or photos. Be the best person you can be period.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 71 (view)

Proper Blocking etiquette Posted: 7/12/2009 10:04:13 PM
Blocking is the perogative of each person if they want to they certainly can. Unfortunately there are men out there who hound, harass and are obtuse enough to warrant blocking. On same token plenty of women that do the same & likewise deserve blocking. You do risk losing opportunity to meet good people though via the second email/persistence thing. If you enjoy blocking ppl for whatever reasons, then block away but you're also going to block some of the 'good apples' too in the process. I don't understand the comment about teaching etiquette to our children then saying we are all adults here and can understand there's no need for etiquette here? That seems hypocritical. We should teach children and we ourselves should be assertive and confront when needed; however, all of that can be done in a civil and non-harmful way. Last but not least, lack of etiquette & understanding from another person is a reflection of them, not you.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

She asked for money at the end of the date! Posted: 7/8/2009 9:25:12 PM
You were floored? Does that mean she was on top?

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 59 (view)

Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar? Posted: 7/8/2009 9:16:50 PM
Interesting. What does the World Health Authority define as mental health problem? Every emotion has so many shades e.g. sadness can be just that, it can be situational depression, dysthymia, clinical depression, etc. I'd say according to the experts we're all 'mentally ill' at some point in our life. Didn't Einstein have Aspergers syndrome and depression too? He wasn't on medication as far as I know. It seems familial and social support is crucial for managing these types of conditions. I don't know but I do think there may be alternative treatments other than contemporary psychotropics that may be successful. If you research psychiatry and the pharmaceutical industry it makes you wonder about it all. Again don't like the term mental illness, many of these conditions are metabolic disorders and there seems to be phenotypes for each disorder and so on. Quite complex.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 402 (view)

Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles Posted: 7/7/2009 11:56:38 PM
Wowser. 17 pages and counting. Agree the OP has been attacked beyond reason and degraded for his looks and his weight. Completely out of line. Women want chivalry and many men are willing & able to be chivalrous; on the same token men (and women of course) want respect. To the women who have posted non inflammatory comments here - I would opine that the bigger threat to you (women) is not the OP's opinion or subsquent comments from men, but rather the uncalled for hostile and derogatory comments from other women. I see a lot of invalidating, degrading and humilliation going on in many threads & posts. Its great when women challenge men and when men can challenge women. Thats what makes our society better than many other societies. However, humilliating, degrading, and invalidating others under a banner of honesty is uncalled for and only hurts your cause b/c mature people are going to be turned off and stop listening to what you're trying to say. Words have power and this guy doesn't deserve to be pistol whipped so to speak. Again, its great to share feelings and be honest - tell him you don't like what he said - but personal attacks and aggressiveness seem to show an underlying insecurity and anger that is beyond the scope of the OP or his opinions.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Drugs?! Posted: 7/7/2009 11:29:04 PM
I don't smoke pot, but I'm willing to learn. Just kidding. You do need to be careful about what you tell others on the internet or in person as one poster said the police especially now can do quite a bit. Pot is illegal, period. I'm not saying I'm for or against - but its illegal and brings a whole set of consequences. If I dated someone who uses pot, and we get pulled over and she's carrying the stuff, it could cost me my job and career. So people probably don't admit to it publicly like you have out of (reasonable) fear. Now, digressing a bit - should it be legal? If I recall correctly Israeli researchers were nearing a way to extract THC or other psychotropic properties of marijuana which would essentially, if successful, ruin the pot black market and open up the synthetic/pharmaceutical business and regulation. It seems that marijuana does have some medicinal properties that does help people with serious illnesses such as HIV and cancer, glaucoma, etc.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Guys are still idiots Posted: 7/7/2009 11:15:06 PM
I'm on a thread kick. Quite a bit of over generalizing IMO. "Guys want to get laid. " I think men & womoen both desire a physical aspect of a relationship. Yep, some guys are out to buy a lay kind of a bartered prostitution...you see it from drinks to on down the road men buying women their clothing, cars, homes, etc. Some women play men for drinks and then walk away. Some women are out to get laid too, yes indeed! lol There are lots of games played in the bars - and bars are probably, (I'm generalizing lol) not the greatest place to meet someone special. Good for blowing off steam maybe and dancing but many bars are full of less than ethical women & men. Bars also have a much higher rate of assaults, violence, homicides, etc. than lets say Starbucks or a local restaurant. I'm not bar-bashing or against drinking, just highlighting a fact.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

What are the chances of ever going on a date from this site? Posted: 7/7/2009 10:58:04 PM
I'd say change your profile to 'seeking friends' for now if you can't really date or be serious w/ someone until November and with the Holidays and all it may be January 2010 before you're really into it. Set your own parameters and standards however you like and don't let anyone tell you any different; however, age range is a bit restrictive and 20 something women aren't usually looking to settle down as other posters have commented. Online dating is tough! lol

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 43 (view)

Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar? Posted: 7/7/2009 12:57:59 AM
Hi - kudos to lake and the other gal for being honest & brave. Personally I don't like the phrase 'mental illness'. It implies its something less than physical...maybe just semantics but I think it contributes to the negative stereotype for people with bipolar and other conditions. Many of these are physiological conditions caused either genetically or environmentally (or both). I don't remember what decade it was they discovered problems with the thyroid gland can cause depression, lethargy, and other 'mental' symptoms. A regular dose of synthroid now alleviates that. There are spectrums of these conditions, i.e., severity, just as there is an autism spectrum (savant to aspergers syndrome), schizoaffective spectrum, etc. So you do have full blown bipolar disorder, and you have the less severe, but perhaps more chronic condition cyclothymia. Anyway, each person is unique. Moreover, social and familial support is often noted as the most crucial factor for a person being able to manage these types of conditions. I take issue with modern psychiatry and pharmaceutical R&D; its become a business for many rather than helping people. I also tend to believe many conditions are hormonal or result from imbalances in the body's overall chemistry (e.g., positively charged ion activity between synapses, low calcium absorption, and the like). I believe many people are being misdiagnosed and could be treated more successfully if they had the correct tests run for an accurate diagnosis. Correct me if I'm wrong but I believe borderline personality disorder is more psychological and is on the 'spectrum' of invalidators and sociopaths? Well I've digressed here but I think people should be supported and accepted regardless of their condition. You can politely decline an invitation to date but still respect and accept them as a person. Sorry for the tangent.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

I guess I'm a real jerk... Posted: 7/7/2009 12:13:47 AM
Dare I wade in here gulp. Someone said we may not be getting the entire story - is that true OP? I mean, intonations of the voice, intentions and other things may have lead this woman on. The jerk part is, were you aware of what was happening and what were your intentions? If you werent aware and were naive then thats that and it was an honest misunderstanding. Also agree with some posters about a young beautiful Cali woman pursuing someone in Europe. Not saying its never possible, but it does raise some flags and there are Nigerian fraud/scammers on a lot of websites posing as beautiful men/women to get your bank account info.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 119 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 7/6/2009 3:12:50 PM
Hello POF personalities. Interesting conversation going on here. Tbudda: Yes Cali seems to be a bit more superficial overall. It has its benefits though, great beaches, mountains, desert, neat things to see and do. I have met some great people too - as I mentioned my more recent dates have been much better and nicer people. Anderson guy - could be something else about me, but if that were the case I'd think they would've said something after date #1...but maybe its the straightjacket in the corner that turned them away from me lol, no really I dont know, but they were very up front about the financial part. Again, ironic considering they were financially less stable/more precarious situation than I. Also - if you're workinig 2 jobs to put kids through college thats great, its admirable. My comment was again, someone who was seriously in debt and working 2-3 jobs would be emotionally concentrated on that situation rather than building a relationship. Everyone has debt, credit cards, mortgages, car loans, student loans...very few individuals are debt free. I'm referring to someone inundated with debt...and even then I wouldn't completely rule that peson out but just see how they are doing emotionally if they can be available to actually date and form a sound relationship. Regardless I'd still offer friendship and support...as you said its tough economic times out there and may get worse. If not romance at the least I'll almost always offer friendship, regardless of how wealthy you are. In fact I asked one of the cashiers at local gas station out for coffee a few days ago...she barely speaks English and makes maybe $6/hour? Financially speaking not high on the vine but she's got a great smile and very sweet person. Will let you know how that goes. Good grief this is turning into my dating blog lol.

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 106 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 7/2/2009 8:12:04 PM
I believe being financially stable is a laudable and common goal for everyone. I too would hesitate to date someone who wasnt stable not b/c I may need to pay for a concert ticket or trivial things, but b/c they will be emotionally tied up about debt, working 2-3 jobs, etc. and may not be able to be there emotionally, or, as some have stated, may want me to support them. The point of the thread was, one person crudely stated her objectives, while demonstrating quite a bit of ignorance. The other one btw, I didn't mention, is a state employee and I think she's losing her job. They both want a wealthy man. Thats great...but its shallow. I just perceived a lot of paradox & hypocrisy in these 2 women because I'm doing better financially than they are. Well anyway update - I have been on a couple other dates and they have gone pretty well actually, made 2 good friends and 1 possible more than friend. Yeah!

excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 105 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 7/2/2009 8:02:57 PM
Oceana Loo (Loopy?): Pre nup? Ye gods. This was a first date. Maybe you're a fast mover but not me. Beachpeople: You sound so classy...I wouldn't care what kind of money you made I'm sure you're a happy and secure person and thats much more attractive than augmented body parts or money. And for Jewels, perhaps she didn't read my subsequent posts...the messy apartment was due to just moving here. Most intelligent people can reasonably deduce that a move across country results in a temporary disorder in the new home. As for money, as I said, I live in an area thats actually nicer than the area this woman lives in and isn't cheap rent by any means. I'm fine financially...not wealthy but doing just fine. Am so glad I didn't get involved w/ her. The other comment someone made about parity; unlikely. Her one son is entering college next year and the other child into college in 2 years. So I think her idea of parity would be buy my kid an ice cream cone or t-shirt, and me pay for a years tuition lol. No gracias!

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 76 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 6/26/2009 11:06:51 PM
Not Elvis: I too love older cars. Older folks agree that many new cars do have bells & whistles but aren't built to last, and the smallest piece of plastic costs thousands to replace. Now I'd never drive a Ford Pinto, but, I'd pay good money for Chevy Novas or Chevy Camaro, the older model Mustangs of course. I also love older model Chevy pickup trucks, those were great vehicles.

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 6/26/2009 11:02:42 PM
Package, Missi, Wildone - great to see there are women with scruples out there. And as one said, the very wealthy don't flaunt their wealth, precisely b/c of the golddiggers. Interesting some of the women who initially posted after I started this thread, never came back to continue a dialogue, such as Val the Angry Photo Woman. I've seen their comments in other threads, posting one comment in an attempt to invalidate and belittle the OP, then never posting again. Great case studies for the psychiatrists.

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

Anyone have their date freak out on them? Posted: 6/17/2009 9:20:47 PM
My two cents are you have anger, and thats perfectly normal. Dont beat yourself up about how you feel; but, you need to find better ways to vent. Its not good to vent at someone you dont know like that. Good suggestion about finding guy friends and male support system. You may want to consider counseling but find a good one who is supportive. The woman must be a gem if she's that patient and understanding. On another subject, maybe its just me but I see people roaming through these threads and trashing others...all under the banner of 'honesty'. Clearly this guy wants some help and suggestions, and yes honesty is great but its not really necessary to invalidate, bash, humiliate or degrade someone here when expressing your opinions. The guy has some issues but why jump all over him? One friendly suggestion could be to say say 'hey you have issues I probably wouldnt date you b/c you're still married.' I dont know that just seems like a message thats going to be absorbed better by the reader, and have more impact. It will also reflect your maturity and empathy, IMHO. In my experience making the listener hear you and understand is more powerful than blasting them. I dunno just a thought anyway.

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 65 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 6/15/2009 11:38:30 PM
Outmind: Good point. Vehicles can represent your lifestyle and personality. I've never been 'offroading' per se other than going pheasant hunting and driving trucks through ditches and fields in pursuit lol. Would be cool to offroad out here though maybe sometime down the road. NotElvis: My first car in high school was a Ford Fairlane straight 6, the cheap vinyl interior and red all over. Loved that car though...until the Chevy Nova I inherited from my grandmother! It had a lot of engine for a very light car. I won't elaborate any further...

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 64 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 6/15/2009 11:26:30 PM
Thanks again to all, even to those with who expressed dissenting opinions in an appropriate manner w/o the personal attacking. Great to see some cool & decent people on here! Mick chick I'm sorry to hear about your late husband, he sounds like he was a great guy. It also sounds like you've had somewhat similar dating experiences to mine. I'm sure you'll find a good person soon!

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 54 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 6/15/2009 12:59:58 AM
Oi Claudio, tudo bem? Tentei deixar messagem em seu correo mais o site nao me deixa vc so aceita messagem do mulher, esta bem entendo rs rs. Sim concordo com vc, qasi todas suas palavras sao verdade, entao eu penso o mesmo do mesmas coisas vc falava ai. Desculpe e que ainda nao escrivo bem o portugues, mais, vou aprender logo posso falar e escrivir muito melhor mais vc sim fala ingles. Nao esquece se quer pode escrivir mas no site eu posso responder. Boa noite, saludos

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 53 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 6/15/2009 12:49:05 AM
Thanks everyone for responding. Apparently I didn't communicate clear enough so I'll reiterate. First, to Val the woman with the angry looking photo: I work in sales its part salary & part commission. Yes, there are sales jobs like this. The industry I'm in is recession proof and doing well. Who would move to California in the middle of a recession? Guess this topic hit a sore spot for you. If you're having trouble I am sorry and I do sincerely hope it gets resolved. Anyway, I don't like boasting about money or success. To clear up some doubts--where I live you can't live unless your doing very well. Its a better area than where the 2 women live. I make good money. My point was, I bought a normal car for good gas mileage and its financially responsible to do so, to keep insurance costs down, etc. I'm not a millionaire but if I were I still wouldn't buy an expensive car. Thats a waste of money IMHO. The other point, I just moved here. The boxes and some papers were due to moving in is a process. There aren't moldy dirty dishes or sloppines. I wasn't referring so much to physical body appearances. My reference was to appearances - of a 'normal' car and a recently moved in apt. I thought that an intelligent person (assumed those 2 women were intelligent) would be able to deduce these things but apparently their objectives blinded them to realistic expectations and understanding. The point being one of the women flat out said she needed a "wealthy man" - her words. I just nodded my head and realized that although I have the resources to help her kids, as she said, I didn't want to get used. Yes, everyone has the right to choose what they want/need, and they the right to use those who want to be used and also let themselves be used. I believe those kinds of values do not lead to happiness or successful long-term relationships. Of course finances are important. Of course being financially responsible is important. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't make an honest effort or who is lazy. I made a mistake of assuming everyone on this site knew this. My point is though, and as others have indicated, appearances of wealth can be deceptive and false, and appearances of 'regularity' (not metamucil) likewise lol. To each their own! I hope everyone finds what makes them happy...I'm happy if for nothing else having avoided becoming involved with people who do not share the same values.

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 49 (view)

Serial Dating Posted: 6/11/2009 9:43:24 PM
Okay lots of messages talking about chemistry, liking, disliking...so what if you meet a great guy, good looking, chemistry etc etc and he appears to be just 'normal' financially? What if he drives a regular car and not a bmw or ferrari...how important are those other material factors? Okay I changed subjects...its on my mind! I've been hearing from friends there are many women serial daters who lurk and go for coffee, drinks, dinners, movies and have no intention of forming a relationship. Hmm basically mooching. Good capitalists!

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 6/11/2009 9:01:08 PM
Yeah good replies and advice. Sure income and finances are important...but are they that important. Those things can go in a heartbeat. Donald Trump may be getting laid, but he's actually going broke and I dont think hes that happy is he. Well and the point that I didnt make very well is that judging by appearances may work part of the time...but not all of the time. I'm not rich, but I'm doing pretty well and probably a nice promotion around the corner. Not braggin just saying. Just bought the 'wrong' car for gas mileage lol...and my apt is messy as I just moved here and I hate cleaning ok I procrastinate. I'm pretty sure those 2 women won't find someone 'better' than me regarding finances or decency...maybe just a temporary lay that wont last too long.

Excelsiur

Joined: 4/11/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Appearances & Money Matter? Posted: 6/11/2009 8:04:26 PM
Hey I've been on a couple of dates here...the 3 women I met all seemed nice, educated, etc. One woman who was a 'born again Christian' we went on a couple of dates and things seemed to go well. One evening right after (an expensive) dinner she came out and said when she was a kid they lived paycheck to paycheck and she didn't want to live that again etc. Basically kind of cutting things off. When I asked her about the Christian values, 'for richer or poorer, til death do us part' she said finances are important Christian blah blah. I believe she thought that me having children and driving a regular car meant I was poor. What the unfortunate soul didnt let me explain is I'm successful and doing okay financially. I live in a very nice, exclusive area but I do drive a regular joe schmoe car. I'm also, hopefully, nearing a promotion that will be really good for me financially. Okay another woman we dated and she came to my apartment for a drink. Well I just moved here and my apt is a mess, boxes and stuff and I work from home so its even messier. Its a very nice area though and great apt...but again I think the regular car and messy apt made her think I am poor. She came right out and said she is okay paying for her boyfriends kids stuff, but her boyfriend needs to help her with her kids stuff. She didn't even deny that she's looking for a wealthy boyfriend. I dont know...guess me being from the midwest I'm not used to so much superficiality. I'm so glad I found out what kind of women they are though. I feel like one of those people who missed their flight to later find out it crashed. Just wondering what others thoughts are on appearances, image, and just how important is money and how much is enough? Thanks.

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