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psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Clarifications Posted: 7/28/2009 10:01:08 AM
1. all say they want honesty: reality check, who in their right mind is going to write they are dishonest or a player or a cheater I agree its silly to put "i want someone honest" in a profile because who doesn't. But its their profile so what do I care if they have something silly in it. Wait, I don't, better question is why does it bother you. If you think its silly move to the next profile and don't give it much thought. Aside from that, your profile says you're looking for someone interesting...who in their right mind is going to write they are boring or uninteresting? hmmm... 2. here is an unique one. BBW welcome...what is up with that...is that a new class or people that exists . Obesity is so rampant these days ( yes i am one ) that now to say that BBW welcome what does it say about you as a person. Correct me if I am wrong I always thought that relationships were about caring and love Relationships ARE about caring and love but to pretend that attraction is not based, at least in part, on physical attraction is foolish. Some guys like scrawny stick women, some guys like large rotund women, some guys like both. I'm not sure what the problem is in specifying what one's "type" is in one's profile. It doesn't say anything about "you as a person". Again though, if it offends you, move to the next profile. 3. it is the same people over and over again for the last one year at least, still single and still looking , really does it take that long. I am over 200 lbs and yet i have not been single for long Depends on what you're looking for. What I'm looking for is exceptional, as in the exception not the rule. Necessarily that means it will take a while and in the mean time I'm not going to date someone "good enough" just to validate myself by being in a relationship. In my youth I'd date anyone...as I get older I date fewer and fewer people and there is more and more time in between relationships as I refine what I am and am not looking for. I personally don't see that as a problem, for me its that I'm better at seeing through the B.S. and avoiding disastrous relationships without actually having to go through the disaster. Not saying you're not looking for exceptional just saying perhaps there are more people with the qualities you're looking for than there are people with the qualities I'm looking for. Heck maybe you're more approachable and friendly then I am...point is, different people will have different experiences. The fact that you "haven't been single that long" bears little affect on the fact that it's been a loooong time for me. I'm not sure why you think because you don't spend a long time single, surely other people shouldn't take very long to find a mate.

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

what up with the games Posted: 7/28/2009 9:40:47 AM
i just want to start something. Then why don't you? You're an adult (well, you're 22 so maybe adult-ish) so if you want it get it done. After 6 months it should be abundantly clear that for whatever reason he's not going to initiate. If you want to give a relationship a shot that bad, you do it. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

What Does This Mean? Posted: 7/28/2009 9:37:40 AM
He clearly said you'd only be friends and now, because he's a good friend, your searching for excuses to convince yourself it can't be true that he only wants to be friends. He likes you immensely-AS A FRIEND. He got brought you a drink, because he likes you immensely-AS A FRIEND. As an aside, one way to ruin a really great friendship is to push romance especially after you've already clarified with him that he has no romantic interest. Keep pushing it and risk the friendship. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

what did he mean by that? Posted: 7/2/2009 1:12:24 PM
Sounds like you were "accidentally" flirting with him all night. Give him a call. There are worse things in life then rejection. Who knows...you might "accidentally" have a great relationship. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

where a girl works... Posted: 7/2/2009 12:59:28 PM
As long as you have goals and are driving toward something I don't really care what it is or where you are. A woman with no ambition is not very attractive so I would want to know what you (I know not talking about you) DO want to do. It's fine if you're happy with your career (at least you have a job) and if you don't want to go to college, that's fine too, but hopefully there are a few things you want to do in your life. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

what am I doing wrong? Posted: 6/23/2009 12:19:14 PM
You definitely need new pics. You look angry in the first one. The second is a pic of your horse more than of you. Also, Shortest.Profile.Ever. And finally, one you can't do anything about. At 50 there are simply not as many people online looking as there are for younger folks. Maybe your friends are a bit younger? ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Who really cares if a guy calls them or not.... Posted: 6/23/2009 12:13:27 PM
Agreed. I've responded to many of those threads the same way: If a person isn't interested it has no reflection on your own worth. Just means the two of you weren't a match. Same goes for great relationships where you break up. Doesn't mean anything about either of you, just means you two didn't work out. No need to get all worked up about it. Way to be a balanced human. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Where is a complete guy what am I doing incorrect? Posted: 6/23/2009 11:44:33 AM
I'd recommend increasing your screening period. A longer delay between first email and first meeting may reveal some of the things you've described so you can find out over email/text/phone call without actually meeting and finding out the person isn't what they seem. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Taking guy off my favorites Posted: 6/20/2009 7:36:42 PM
why would he keep putting me back as one of his favorites? Because he's creepy and can't take a hint. Just make sure not to put any personal information and do what a lot others do. Ignore the favorites thing. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

help!! I'm really confused Posted: 6/20/2009 7:33:46 PM
If he sees you a lot but hasn't said anything... He probably does not find you attractive. Nice does not = interested. And if he liked you, he wouldn't ignore you. +1

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Should I pursue this or forget it? Posted: 6/20/2009 7:28:40 PM
If you want to get a call give him your number. If you want to call him ask for his number. If you want to go out tell him. Before you do any of this though, understand that what you've described is a beta male. If you're cool with attempting a relationship with a beta male, take the lead. Since he's a beta male you'll have to because he won't. Ever. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

recycled petname or nickname for new girlfreind? Posted: 6/20/2009 7:24:15 PM
Yeah, i don't do it. If I used a pet name for someone I'd be forced to kick my own ass. That said, I'd think it was kind of unimaginative to recycle one. I mean out on the ice we all have nicknames but they come from something that is unique to the individual. I'd imagine pet names would be the same way so how could two women be referred to by the same name? That'd be "sit down to pee" lazy. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

ok guys i need your help!! Posted: 6/20/2009 7:08:57 PM
Please edit your post and add some punction, spelling corrections, etc. What the hell is "punction"? Glass houses my friend, glass houses. Anywho, I'm coming down on the side of the "guy who texted you was the one who was actually attracted" theory. Cheesy but border line clever. Like, Homer Simpson clever. Yeah, my friend thinks your hot can I get your number to give to him, , oh sorry he's married but hey wanna go out? ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

a man and i together for five years, both married Posted: 6/20/2009 7:00:45 PM
vow /vaʊ/ [vou] –noun 1. a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment God, what an inconvenient part of marriage!

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

To be looked after Posted: 6/20/2009 6:54:54 PM
Is this just something you post every 3 months or did you not like the answers the first time around? http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12319971.aspx#12319971 ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

is he really over me? Posted: 6/20/2009 6:51:14 PM
he was scared he was gonna hurt me because of how much he liked me Total cop out. He was actually scared of being an adult about a relationship instead of a little boy who hides behind his condition to get out of anything too intense. Move along and count your blessings. Oh and stop hooking up with him. He's playing your ass. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Is he just not that into me? Posted: 6/20/2009 5:29:39 PM
It's not really fair to him to keep your feelings to yourself. It means that he will be forced to make a decision without all the information. Don't emotionally blackmail him or anything but I would suggest being honest with him and tell him basically what you told us. That you have developed very deep feelings for him but that, as a result of those feelings his happiness is important enough that if he decides to go you won't hold it against him. I agree that he should have told you after at least a month of dating that he was considering moving but what's done is done. Don't make the same mistake of withholding information by not telling him how you feel. I understand that its a delicate situation in that you don't want to sway his decision to leave or influence him doing what's best for himself but he really does deserve to have all the facts before making that decision. That said he may very well still decide to go so you should be prepared for that and just enjoy the time you have left. Doesn't mean he's not that into you, it just means you've only been dating 2 months. That's a very short time to be seeing someone for a person to change a plan as significant as moving across the country for school. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

I'm so fed up and confused I need an opinion on this... Posted: 6/20/2009 5:12:08 PM
Agree with others. You just wound up talking to someone who clearly wasn't looking for the same thing you were. As an aside: it seems that everyone on this side of the ocean is on POF looking for a counsellor or for wasting people's time Happens everywhere as well as online and in real life. Surely you don't think online would be any different than the offline dating pool? ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

How soon can you call a guy? Posted: 6/20/2009 5:03:47 PM
Call when you feel like calling. If you feel like calling now, call now. I love the easy ones.... ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Why is he back? Posted: 6/20/2009 5:02:06 PM
Not sure why everyone's putting their own crap on you. Anyway, the answer seems pretty clear to me. If you weren't comfortable with his requests, and he handled your objection to sending more pics like a spoiled brat, and, in your own words, "his behaviour was unacceptable", why on God's green earth would you try again with him? I mean it clearly still bothers you or you wouldn't be asking how you go about getting that apology. Bottom line, asking him to apologize will only start another round of "you pick a fight, he acts like a brat". Why go there. Plenty of fish ya know. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

The short hair myth... Posted: 6/20/2009 4:41:56 PM
IMO, short hair on women is like long hair on men. There are maybe 10 people globally who can actually pull it off and look attractive. Doesn't say lesbian to me. Usually it just says "tried to pull off short hair and found out I couldn't". Again, strictly my opinion but yes, longer hair on a woman IS that much more attractive. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

What gets your attention most when someone first writes you? Posted: 6/20/2009 4:38:26 PM
Yep, first thing I do when I get a message, before even reading it, is go check the persons profile and pics. If I'm not physically attracted, no point in proceeding. Same for profile text if there are all kinds of spelling and grammar errors or if its typed in "text speak", etc. A couple comments on your profile...the autogenerate info says you're 19 but the body of your profile says you're 18...been awhile since updating? Also, don't mean to be mean but I agree with the person above. You're "a few extra lbs". Its great you have a positive self image and if you believe you're average that's what you should put but people look at your pics and see "a few extra lbs". Maybe that's just me and the guy above though, so take it for what its worth. And I agree with your response about being separated. Honesty for the win! Truth is not always flattering but it is always the best way to go. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Do guys NOTICE this type of stuff about girls??? Posted: 6/11/2009 11:08:57 AM
I'm sure he would notice. I know I would. In my case though I'm not sure I'd read much into it. I mean the fact that our arms were touching and you didn't move away wouldn't necessarily "tell" me anything. I'm not prone to "interpretations" but I guess if I was REALLY infatuated with a woman I might see that as a positive sign. Otherwise all it means to me is that we were sitting really close. So, notice-yes read some kind of meaning into it-no

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Virgin on the verge? Posted: 6/11/2009 11:03:11 AM
Real men don't pressure women for sex. If he doesn't respect your boundaries he doesn't respect you. If he won't back off, I suggest you find someone who loves you enough to understand and appreciate something that is this important to you. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

I actually met a nice a guym I might have screwed it up! Posted: 6/3/2009 9:54:12 AM
Common misconception that "nice guy" = boring/prude. Often times that's true but not always. I agree with others, being overly sexual will only drive him away if he's gay. It may not be what he's used to so he may be...uhhhh...reserved in his reaction whereas guys you're used to may have just jumped yer bones, but that's a sign of respect, not aversion to you or your sexuality. As others have said though, you be you and let others decide what to do with that. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

If you send a message that needs no response, and get none... Posted: 6/3/2009 9:47:55 AM
Personally, I think messages like that are a sign that the person has little imagination when it comes to conversation. I mean throw out something random at least. "Are you a gold or a silver type person", "do you like crunchy or creamy peanut butter", "what's better chocolate or vanilla"...It's really not hard to keep a conversation going. I'm with you, if you get a message where there really is nothing to respond to, the person shouldn't be surprised that you don't respond. Again, I take it as a sign that if we were face to face I'd have to drive the conversation the whole time. If there's nothing to respond to I simply don't respond and move on. At best, I'll give one second chance...start another conversation, something on their profile or one of the randoms like I listed above, but if I still get a message with nothing to respond to, I'm done. ~N P.S. Love the pic. You're glasses enhanced

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

whats wrong? Posted: 6/3/2009 9:41:10 AM
Maybe it's the pictures, maybe it's the messages, maybe you're messaging guys that don't log on anymore...could be anything. To address this though: Look at a profile,dont like the pic, no one even tries to get oto know a person Like it or not, appearance is a make or break dynamic. It rarely matters what other qualities a person has, if one isn't physically attracted to a person it's just not gonna work romantically. It goes every which way though as well. If a person is physically attractive but isn't intellectually/emotionally/spiritually/whatever compatible, doesn't matter how physically attractive the person is, its still not gonna work. Just saying, looking at a picture and saying no thanks is not necessarily superficial, its just reality. That said, everyone is someone's type. Just be patient and don't take it personally. Just because you're not this guys type or that guys type doesn't mean you're no one's type. Take a lesson from your screen name and try havinsomefaith ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

What does friends first REALLY mean to a guy? Posted: 6/3/2009 9:33:23 AM
I think it means exactly what you described. Build a friendship, get to know each other and see if it evolves into something more than friends. Sounds like, in the case you've provided, it did not evolve past friendship. That's not a bad thing, just means you weren't compatible romantically. For me, I think it's really important to build a relationship slowly before the complications of romance enter into the picture. Of course it doesn't always work out that way. Many times its, we just met-now we're dating, but I do appreciate the strong foundation that can be built through a friends first and we'll see how it goes approach. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Hottest girls on Plenty?!? Posted: 6/2/2009 7:42:54 AM
Agree with millertime. I favorite when I come across a profile I like but don't have time to write proper message. Once I've written them a message though, they generally come off my favorite list. It's a bookmark for me and nothing else. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Is he just not that into me? Posted: 6/2/2009 7:40:05 AM
Sounds like you were a fun person to do things with while he was home and that's it. I wouldn't see that as a bad thing necessarily, just means there probably isn't long term romance in your future with him. Hopefully you had fun too so why not just leave it at that? ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

What does cute really mean when a guy says it Posted: 6/2/2009 7:36:15 AM
To me, cute means attractive but in a totally friendly way. If I'm romantically interested the woman "looks smashing", "is beautiful", "is sexy", etc. Cute to me is a word I got rid of about the time I got out of high school. I'm with you, not really a fan of using it to describe an adult. Others are right though, doesn't really matter what we all think of the word cute. All that really matters is what it means to the person who said it. Maybe it means you're like an attractive little sister to me, maybe it means I'd jump your bones if I had half a chance. Who knows? Either way, it's a compliment and other observed behaviors and comments should help you determine what degree of friendliness or romantic-ness it carries. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Is it wrong to wanna find Mr. Right at the age of 22 Posted: 6/2/2009 7:23:17 AM
Never too young to find the right guy for you although i will say that a lot of people go through a lot of changes between say, 21 and 27, so if you were to meet a guy that was perfect for you right now you may change a lot by the time you're 27-28-29 years old. Just saying it's a good idea to be settled about who you are before looking for that life-mate and I think, generally, 22 may be too young for that. But not in all cases so take that fwiw. Also, the drop everything and come when you need/want him to mentality...especially the when I'm crying doesn't say anything just comes and makes you feel better thing...it actually sounds more like you want a dog. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Dating in Hollywood/LA why the hell is it so hard to get past the fake person? Posted: 5/29/2009 4:16:51 AM
why the hell is it so hard to get past the fake person? Short answer: because you live in hollywood/LA. It was the same thing in San Diego which is part of the reason I left. Not saying everyone in SoCal is fake but the probability is MUCH higher so just on pure odds you're gonna have a harder time finding more grounded individuals. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Givin' the ladies a break Posted: 5/29/2009 4:13:33 AM
With all the "I'm a nice guy" threads and "why don't women respond to me" threads and "what's wrong with my profile" threads that have been plaguing this forum I figured I'd take it upon my self to give the ladies a break. So here's my question: If you woke up tomorrow as a man, what would you name your penis? Just curious to see what the feminine imagination comes up with. ~N P.S. saw a funny one the other day on another forum...Penis name: Gatorade...Is it in you?

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Am I overreacting? Posted: 5/28/2009 4:31:05 AM
Don't mean to be a****but it's not your place to do stuff for your ex anymore. I mean yeah if you always take your kid to his first day of school, or if you take your kid to the zoo on the same day every year or to opening day at the football match every year...those are things you'd be well within your rights to be fired up about if the "new guy" did it because that's something you share with your kid. As soon as you became ex's you lost the right to do things for her. If you get to, great, if there's no man in her life, go for it, but if she's got a man you're the one who needs to back off. Reverse the roles. What if you had done all that first. Would "new guy" not be justified in saying that a-hole ex of hers stole my thunder and got the cake and everything... ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

Inappropriate to check X's email? Posted: 5/28/2009 4:20:54 AM
Inappropriate. Wrong. Stalker-ish. Illegal depending on where you live. Move on man. You likely weren't her first and, news flash, you won't be her last. Get the heck out of her email and start living YOUR life.

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Whining the new dating scene? Posted: 5/28/2009 4:04:54 AM
I actually think online and real life are not that different. I guess I assume the people that are excessively whiny online are probably that way offline. I mean let's be honest. We've all got at least one friend that's always at the bar with us complaining about how there are no men/women, how men/women suck, how they're totally done dating, etc ad infinitum. It's not so much the "new" dating scene as the same old scene, only electronic. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

In anyones experience? Posted: 5/28/2009 3:59:33 AM
Not sure there's a connection but regarding the "I'm number 1" thing...experience HAS taught me that when a person consistently says they are something, they usually aren't. If they actually were they wouldn't have to keep telling people. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Between Friendly Convo and Too Nosy? Posted: 5/28/2009 3:53:35 AM
I'd hope for my date to be the same yet I know one shouldn't or can't expect everyone to move and open up about themselves at the same pace. Seems like you answered your own question. If you hope your date would be the same, keep searching until you find one that is. It's true everyone moves at their own pace but in whatever aspect of the relationship a certain amount of compatibility in pacing is necessary. You won't be happy in a relationship if you feel like your moving in slow motion so just move on and wait until you find someone who syncs up with you. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

hmmm caught out lying and then contacting again.. why...? Posted: 5/28/2009 3:48:23 AM
If they're lying there probably not here to find a legitimate relationship which makes it highly likely they don't even remember having contacted you previously. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Try to help a male friend getting a job Posted: 5/28/2009 3:39:26 AM
Depends on the ego. If he's so dumb he'd pass up a job opportunity because of some overinflated male pride though, probably not the best guy to recommend in the first place. If I had such an ego I would think that not earning a living with an honest day's work would be more damaging to my manhood then getting a tip about a job from a woman. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

why shouldn't I walk away? Posted: 5/28/2009 3:36:07 AM
There is no reason you shouldn't walk away. Get to steppin'. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would? Posted: 5/28/2009 3:25:55 AM
Did u ever date a single mom after saying you never would? Only once and that was on accident. She didn't say anything for 6 weeks. Was at her place and there were no toys, kids clothes, kids books, lunchables in the fridge, etc. No indications whatsoever, and her body showed no signs of having had a child. Too bad too because she was an AWESOME young woman. I probably would have slid a bit on my "no single moms" rule but after 6 weeks (1 or 2 dates a week) I couldn't shake the feeling that she went beyond not telling me and actively hid the fact. Couldn't deal with the perceived dishonesty. I don't think a bad experience with a single mom would turn me away completely though. For me its a two fold issue. 1) I want to start a family with someone who didn't start without me. 2) I want to enjoy being married for a bit before kids come into the picture. I just think it'd be cool to be a married couple first and enjoy being with each other just the two of us. But I digress, the point is everyone is so different a bad experience with someone doesn't sour me on an entire group. Like if I date a black woman who cheats I don't stop dating black women, or if I date an older woman who chooses her job over me I don't stop dating older women. I can't see why a bad experience with one single mom would make me stop dating all single moms. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

What is going on and what should I do? Posted: 5/28/2009 3:11:41 AM
I'd say when he goes to hug you kiss him. It's entirely possible that he's hesitant because he's friends with your relative and doesn't want to risk losing that friendship by hooking up with you. If you make the first move it lets him off the hook so to speak. Just sayin' he may think there are boundaries where none exist. At the very least, since your both adults, you could talk to him about it but men tend to be less "talk about things" and more action oriented so I'd still say your best bet is when he moves in to hug you, kiss him and see what happens. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

language barrier problem, should I ask? Posted: 5/28/2009 2:57:42 AM
Do you want to meet him in person? If the answer is yes then why are you waiting for him to "make the move". Women (some not all) really should get it out of their heads that it's up to the guy to set the pace. If your tired of waiting stop waiting. Don't even mention the fact that you have a hard time understanding him over email. Just meet up and see what happens. If the language barrier persists in person then maybe bring it up. No sense in pushing the issue if it doesn't exist face to face. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

what does a guy expect on the first meeting??????? Posted: 5/18/2009 7:19:24 PM
IMO, no expectations=no disappointments. Just the way I roll. When I say see what happens I'm speaking long term as in let's get to know each other, be friendly and see if something more serious/romantic happens. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 46 (view)

What do we like about men/women? Posted: 5/15/2009 7:25:43 AM
I love how soft a woman's skin is. I love watching a woman rub lotion on before bed. I love a woman's collar bones (odd I know). I love the way a woman's hair smells and love waking up with it all in my face. I love how a woman is so sexy when she's all dressed up to go out but she's easily 10 times sexier once we get home and she's got her hair in a pony tail and is wearing one of my old hockey jerseys. How they pull that off is a total mystery to me. I love that a woman will let me do things for her even though I know she could do them herself (open a jar, kill a spider, get something from the top shelf, etc). I love how a woman's finger nails feel on my skin. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

How do you date a shy guy? Posted: 5/15/2009 6:58:50 AM
we've only share a kiss and he shook so badly Everyone else has kind of covered the shy guy thing but this caught my eye. Is it possible he's agoraphobic to some degree? (good summary here:http://www.phobiaq.com/phobia/agoraphobia.html) I mean I'm assuming you've met up "out and about" so perhaps his demeanor on the phone is simply a product of his being in familiar surroundings but the shyness is a symptom of anxiety in public places/situations. It's actually quite common and in mild cases doesn't necessarily mean the person is "house bound". Since you're comfortable with him you may want to suggest making him dinner at his place or something similar to see how he is in more private surroundings or surroundings he's more comfortable with. Heck he may be into you enough that he's trying to overcome the phobia and it would likely be something he may not be comfortable talking about at this point. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Why do I always put my foot in my mouth about my weight? Posted: 5/15/2009 6:45:35 AM
The guy you described sort of hit the nail on the head. First you're likely going to be harder on yourself than others will. Also, many people have many different "types". What that means is, something you don't like about yourself may be the very thing someone else likes about you. Here's a quick story. I'm 5'7" and for a long time had a problem with my height (plus I'm naturally skinny). I figured all women like tall, giant men. That was until I got involved with a woman in college that LOVED smaller "scrawny" (her word) guys. That was her type. I brought up my issue with my body ONCE and she went off on me. She basically said by telling her I wished I was bigger and taller I was insulting her preference. God bless her because she was right. Many men will like you for exactly what/who you are and if you see something wrong with that you're basically telling that person there's something wrong with their attraction to you/your type. Bottom line, I get the self esteem thing. We all have things we're not totally happy about regarding ourselves. The thing is, I think its best to work on those things privately, talk to close friends or family sure, but don't bring it to the relationship. Improve what you can and learn that the rest is simply the uniqueness that is you. Just appreciate that there's someone who wants to be with you REGARDLESS of how you see yourself. In the case of someone being with you what really matters is they see a beautiful person. There's nothing inherently wrong with not being totally happy with yourself. There IS something very selfish about trying to make an assessment of your worth for someone else. It's just not your place to dictate how they "should" see you. ~N

psylence1

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Reality versus the book ... Posted: 5/15/2009 6:27:50 AM
Had to say it: One afternoon we were hanging out together when REO's song I Can't Fight This Feeling Any Longer came on the radio. I was sitting at the table she was fixing us some coffee, our eyes just kinda' locked on each other and we just stared at each other till the song was over. Then I just grinned and said"good song" she said "yep". and that was it we became lovers. Best.Story.Ever.

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