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Thread: Abstinent dating, does it exist anymore?

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

Abstinent dating, does it exist anymore? Posted: 8/17/2009 11:09:02 PM
I'm not religious at all. Which poses the biggest hurtle when it comes to finding people of the same values. In reply to the many many many assumptions that I think sex is wrong, I never said that. I just said that I would rather wait. I'll spell it out real easy. If I'm willing to have sex with a woman, that is a symbol that I would like to spend my life with that person. That will likely come before actually getting married, I'm not religious so I'm not waiting on some blessing from god. I know how to make my own commitments, and I don't need to promise or swear in front of anyone else to keep it. My problem is, that for most people today, sex is not a symbol of that level of commitment. Just like people today don't put that same level of commitment on marriage it self as people used to. The replies on this thread are a testament to that. Sex today carries the same weight as a hug. Sex doesn't show any more commitment for people today than the first date. And that's something I can't deal with. I can't go through that much of a one sided relationship. So, I'm trying to find someone else who values the companionship part of a real relationship as much as I do. It's not a noble desire to be a prude or some kind of religious symbol. It's just not something I'm that interested in, and I'd like to find someone with similar interests.

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 40 (view)

Abstinent dating, does it exist anymore? Posted: 8/3/2009 9:20:53 PM
I see a lot of replies referencing virginity, and religious motivations. That may be the case normally, but it is not mine. I am not religious. I just realize that for me it puts the relationship at a different level (no matter how short or "bad" it is), and that level is after I decide I would like to spend my life with someone. And apparently it does not for others. It's just not that important, and it wouldn't make sense for me to go steady with someone who does view it as important. I like to have fun as much as anyone, I guess I just have a bigger list of fun activities than some.

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Abstinent dating, does it exist anymore? Posted: 7/30/2009 12:20:08 PM
Excuse my ignorance, but what does "PoF" stand for? I understand the test drive analogy, but I don't view test driving as a good comparison to sex. You buy a car, and then there are only a few things you do to it. You clean it, you fix it, and you drive it. Driving being the bulk of the time. Sex is like cleaning the car, it's probably the smallest amount of time you'll spend with the car. I don't need to clean it to know if I want it, nor do I even car to clean a car I don't own. But it does signify a care for the car after it is mine. Driving the car is liken' to a relationship; having a nice dinner, spending the weekend together on a trip, or just sitting and watching TV.

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Abstinent dating, does it exist anymore? Posted: 7/30/2009 7:29:48 AM
Thanks for answering the second question. Yeah, religion seems to be the only place that it shows up. But even there it's rare, and only the most devout abstain. It's the most annoying place to be as well. Where everyone is preaching the "way of the lord" and then almost none of them live it. And my beliefs kind of clash with religion. Not so much that I can't deal with religion, but that in a relationship religious people can't tend to deal with me not being religious.

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Abstinent dating, does it exist anymore? Posted: 7/30/2009 6:56:01 AM
I guess then the answers are pretty much yes. The reason I would prefer not to have sex is that it's not important in a relationship to me. Sex is a make or break for many people, but I'm sorry even in a relationship with the most inveterate partners, sex will make up less than 5% of the actual relationship. 5% is not make or break to me. I'm much more concerned about the other 95% of the time I'll be spending with my partner. If anything, sleeping habits should be a make of break. The other reason, that I choose not to is that it does hurt someone. Maybe to you sex doesn't mean anything, and I understand that, but for some it symbolizes a pretty deep connection. The problem is if the other person doesn't share that. Then you have made a commitment to a relationship that the other person has not. In my world it wasn't that uncommon. Almost everyone on both my Mother's and my Father's side of family did this. Too me this addiction to sex, is just that. It's an unhealthy addiction. It makes you blind to the world around you, makes you loose good things in your life, and can lead to an unhealthy future. There is a lot more in the world that I would rather do than sex.

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Abstinent dating, does it exist anymore? Posted: 7/29/2009 8:41:55 PM
Has society just moved away from this? I'm not the most social person in the world, though I have a good number of friends. And I haven't been doing a lot of dating in the past few years. But it just seems that almost everyone today seems to think that sex is a requirement of any relationship more than a few weeks. I understand that a relationship is about making compromises, but this is one area I've been pretty stubborn about these days. I'm kind of stuck in the city area, and I think that has a large impact on it. But I'm not entirely convinced that it's much better away from the cities. Am I really that strange for wanting this, or am I just looking in the wrong places?

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

please review my page! Posted: 7/27/2009 10:07:51 PM
I get a good impression that you consider yourself to have good morals. I also get the impression that philosophy and nature are the two biggest things in your life....but I would guess that may not be exactly the case. I'd guess that you like to see new places, and explore where you haven't been to yet. My only critique, is that using quoted text or a sayings in a profile leaves sort of a question mark. It's kind of an impersonal thing. Not saying that your quote is bad. I personally love living my life much like this, though I am not Native American in any way. A good analogy would be that of a message that people send. Most messages are copy and pasted. "Hey your cute.....insert comment on first line of your profile...... we should chat...blah blah.." All in all it's rather generic. I doubt if anyone else has that quote in their profile, but it's not your words. So it doesn't feel like I'm reading your words. On a VERY positive note, the pictures you posted are perfect. They have a lot of personality in them. Everyone knows about the 1000 words in a picture, but a good picture can say a lot more.

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 70 (view)

Nice guys finish last is a sad truth... Posted: 5/5/2009 1:18:51 PM
Why does sex have to be part of a relationship? Lets just think about this.....say you are some kind of BS lover and go for 30 minutes EVERY day. Subtract 8 hours of the day for sleep since sleep is sleeping, and you are left with 16 hours for which a person defines who they are. Somehow that 3% of the day is the make or break of almost every relationship today.....what about the other 97% that guys like Dark hair, blue eyes have mastered?

Joined: 4/12/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

why do men start relationships and never intend to follow thru Posted: 5/5/2009 8:40:29 AM
Most people (take note that I said people, because I have yet to see any significant difference in the female section), are motivated by something they themselves do not approve of. People in this day and age are almost incapable of telling the truth to themselves. Walking around convincing themselves that they are one of the good innocent ones, right after they just had pre-marital sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend of a few weeks or even days. Obviously sex is important to 99% of the people out there, and they can't seem to come to grips with the fact that it is important to them even though it's publicly personified as bad (but at the same time normal). And I'm sorry if this is a shocker to anyone, but just because everyone around you is doing it, IT DOES NOT MAKE IT RIGHT OR OK!

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