How should I take it? chat & forums.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

How should I take it? Posted: 7/19/2009 7:01:42 PM
I think you've just met someone who is being careful and I don't know what's wrong with that if you're looking for long term. If the distance isn't an issue to either of you (although I think it WOULD be a concern if you have only been able to meet once in person over the 2 months ... ?), why stop talking to her? If you're not officially dating, there is also nothing wrong in getting to know other women in this same manner. I wouldn't pin all my hopes on it working out but I don't think you're gettin played. If she said it would hurt her if you stopped talking to you then up til this point, things could still work ... in my book it means she likes you.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Time to end it? Posted: 7/19/2009 12:46:59 PM
What happens when SHE is feeling ill? I would tell her what your expectations are should you be become unwell again ... and PERHAPS give her another chance. If she doesn't treat you well the next time ... dump her uncaring azz.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 38 (view)

Bad boys and drama queens Posted: 7/16/2009 8:28:39 PM
Life experience and adventure do not come from no-nonsense/'good' people. I don't believe that myself ... I am trying to raise 3 of my own no-nonsense, 'good' people, complete with life experience and adventurous souls, but this is honestly how I interpret the cycle of bad boys/drama queens AND bad girls/drama kings. The idea of people constantly complaining about those they absolutely CAN'T STAND, I believe is the concept of 'mirroring'.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

do women honestly believe guys who just want to hang out? Posted: 7/15/2009 7:40:50 PM
I wish you lived closer lol. I like just hanging out also. A few friends and I started a meet-and-greet once, a few years ago, and it was fun while it lasted. So ... this is my suggestion to you ... if it's available in your area, join in on the parties and get-to-gethers, and if there isn't, see if you can get something going. It IS hard to do at first. For every 50 invites I sent to locals, I usually only had 1 person say maybe ... but I persevered. Our group of 14 locals once joined a group of 100 out of town POF'ers and it was GREAT FUN! Enjoy the site, there are many that will find you innocent!! :) (my local meet and greets are at the bottom of my 'in box' but you can type in meet and greets under forum topics and do a search)

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

more respect for single dads Posted: 7/15/2009 7:05:42 PM
Ian, I am a single mom with 3 kid's and ... to shed some light ...... I DO NOT EXPECT single men to accept single mom's with kids! I do not even EXPECT men with children to accept single mom's with kids! Therefore I do not expect single women to have to accept single Dad's with kids. Women can have just as poor characters as men can! No one condems her??? This I don't understand either! There are dead beat mom's as well as dead beat dad's and they are in the same category. 4 children, regardless of how great they are, are alot of children to 'take on'. Raising children is hard work! Add to that the emotional issues they face from being abandoned by their own mother. There ARE women out there that would be willing, for the right man, but she will be an amazing one. It's very unfortunate that the first one was not.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

girlfriend wants to try new guy Posted: 7/15/2009 6:39:55 PM
Long distance relationships are very tough. Check out all of the forums about them. She breaks up with you when you leave so it's obviously not working for her either. While she's sorting out her feelings, you can also take the time to sort yours out too. All the best ...

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

What is the best approach to getting a woman to know you are ginuine... Posted: 6/20/2009 6:22:21 PM
What do you LIKE about their profile? What ARE your intentions? (just things for you to think about, not actually looking for a reply) You also posted the following today: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12584099.aspx#12584099 I guess it depends on what you want to get deeper about. lol Happy fishing ...

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Why not to move forward? Posted: 6/19/2009 5:49:49 PM
I think we can be attracted to someone, they can have qualities we admire and yet it just doesn't feel RIGHT. We notice it more as we age. It may seem unexplainable but I believe it has to do with roles and life experience.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Proactive Self-Improvement Posted: 6/18/2009 5:56:14 PM
It appears to me as if all you're trying to do is understand what your values are by looking at what qualities interest YOU in a man, Sheila. I think realizing our values so that we can focus our direction and decisions is an important part in our life's journey and I think it's an interesting way that you've found to discover them. “What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Breaking patterns Posted: 6/14/2009 8:32:47 PM
That IS a good suggestion for a book. Another good author is Debbie Ford. She discusses "spiritual law – that the universe always guides us back to embracing the totality of ourselves. We attract whomever and whatever we need to mirror back the aspects of ourselves that we’ve forgotten."

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Trouble making contact? Posted: 6/14/2009 8:22:58 PM
I'm not brilliant with this but can you not add them as a favorite? If they are interested they could email? What are the restrictions?

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

SAD Posted: 6/14/2009 8:19:14 PM
Happy Birthday ... I think you should get a dog as a gift to yourself!

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Mitigating the risks for the children we love and raise Posted: 6/14/2009 8:17:07 AM
Punishment in our home is as you mention, rectifying the problem/owning up for improper actions. For offences like breaking an established rule in our home (such as being late on numerous occasions, not doing chores on numerous occasions, going somewhere they've been told not to go) there is a loss of privelege for an established time AND/OR more responsibilities for an established time AND/OR grounding. My eldest has always learned her lessons quickly and has rarely pushed boundaries. My middle son (13) learns lessons harder and has pushed his boundaries. My youngest child is a blend of the two. I tell my children that I am not expecting perfection. No one is perfect. However, ADMIT IT, FIX IT and MOVE ON. Develop your character. It will define your destiny. No matter their struggles, I am proud of all 3 as they are what I consider 'good kids'. I did want to mention that as part of reducing the risks for my children being raised in a single parent home, I moved to a small town when they were young. Although I see that having two parents in the home can have just as many daily struggles as we singles AND it seems just as many successes and failures, kids seem, in general, more accountable for their actions when raised by a caring community.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Mitigating the risks for the children we love and raise Posted: 6/14/2009 7:03:26 AM
You have alot of great ideas DR but I disagree with not punishing a child as long as they tell the truth. I have 3 children and while your idea would probably have worked for my first (she is 15, honour roll student, french immersion program, volunteers as a tutor, has a job, takes dance classes), it would not have worked for the other two and I'm glad I've been consistent. I believe that we must raise them as they will be treated in society. Prepare them for REAL life! The article you quoted talks about parenting in terms of warmth, control, and monitoring. If we make a mistake as an adult, there is usually a consequence. It may be VERY minimal, but it may be large and require much work to fix. We cannot tell someone at work, in our relationships, with our creditors, etc., that we've made a mistake and expect that because we told the truth, there will be no effects. I myself try my hardest to punish ACCORDINGLY for a mistake but will punish additionally if compounded by a lie. I also try my hardest to REWARD accordingly for responsibility and compliance to basic rules. I completely agree with explaining to a child 'this could/will be the outcome if you choose this ...' and allowing them to succeed OR fail. Give them some power so they learn great decision-making skills. We must, as parents, understand that it's okay for our children to experience positive AND negative (age- related) degrees of sadness, anger, frustration, boredom, poverty, discomfort, etc. - all within the safety of their child-hood home. I've done this for most of my children's lives to make them understand how much power there is in a decision. I recently told my 13 year old son that the quote from Spiderman was SO true: 'With great power comes great responsibility.'

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

relationship? Posted: 6/13/2009 8:40:14 PM
If he's talking about asking your friends out ... you're just friends. Sorry. Don't think of it is a bad reflection on you. Try and understand that there are just many different areas that people personally need to match and ? maybe your 'lists' just don't match. There are ... plenty of fish ... :)

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

I need some help or advice, please, any and all are invited Posted: 6/13/2009 8:29:04 PM
I believe that the healthier we are emotionally, the healthier the 'match' we will find. My vote would be to rebuild for a while. Concentrate your energy on YOU.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Mitigating the risks for the children we love and raise Posted: 6/13/2009 1:12:54 PM
I strongly believe that inadequate parenting, whether in single or two-parent familes is the risk for children. Period. "Without parental love and (proper) guidance, a child will be handicapped and will find the world a bewildering place to live in." In order to mitigate the risks for the children we love and raise, we must emulate excellent behaviour, both as responsible adults and as terrific mates.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Moving In Together / Proposal Posted: 6/11/2009 3:16:24 AM
It's all too soon IMO. Too soon to consider moving in and waaaaaay too soon to consider becoming engaged. Spend more time getting to know him and get past the honeymoon stage.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Moving in with your partner. Posted: 6/11/2009 3:10:00 AM
18 months I've read and believe the reasoning is good advise, but I've broken the rule for convenience/money/together. I won't break it again!

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

First Meeting vs Date ??? Posted: 6/5/2009 7:00:09 PM
In the dictionary, a date can be an appointment. An example: a luncheon date with a client; a date with destiny. It can also be an engagement to go out socially with another person, often out of romantic interest. I've met a number of terrific people from POF. After arranging a time and a place, I say "It's a date!" I say it to my friends and family too though. If you're nervous, call it a meet. As you said, it relieves anxiety! All the best!

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

A Dog eat Dog world.... Posted: 6/5/2009 9:11:50 AM
He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas. ~ Ben Franklin lol poor dogs, we're giving them a bad rap! If you get paranoid about your mate cheating, it affects your behaviour and that will chase them away anyway. Never expect the worst of your partner.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Hooked, and I mean Hooked! On Forums Posted: 5/27/2009 10:33:18 AM
My name is notsureboutyou and I'm an addict. lol I can honestly tell you that I learned some of the most important life lessons from the experience of being in these forums. I owe my inner peace to a fellow poster who took pity on my confusion over 3 years ago now. I want to pay his kindness forward ... even to the nasty ones.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Parenting the Depressed Posted: 5/26/2009 4:25:09 AM
Honestly OP, TO ME it just sounds like your family mainly had a history of very poor coping mechanisms and with your love, perseverance and determination, you've learned and taught your daughter some great skills. Sometimes I feel we all have a tendancy to try and protect our children emotionally a bit more than we should when in fact, the pain we've experienced can be some of the best lessons we pass on. I think you've done well. All the best!

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 84 (view)

lack of emotion Posted: 5/26/2009 3:58:03 AM
IMO PASSION is a reaction to the pain and pleasures we have thus far experienced. Our passions are part of who we are. SELF CONTROL is measured by the restrain on our passion. I believe that you just have to let yourself EXPERIENCE the full range of emotion that each situation creates. I believe that keeping bad behaviour in response to negative emotion 'in check' is the good thing.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 59 (view)

FWB but he still has a girlfriend Posted: 5/26/2009 3:15:29 AM
Ali, PLEASE get counselling. Your profile shows a well-rounded young lady and yet you are struggling emotionally! The ex raping and abusing you isn't WHY you have low self esteem - it's the RESULT of it. I get the impression that LOYALTY might be an issue you're struggling with, hence your effort to be loyal to someone you FEEL is in a powerful position. The only people that deserve this gift are people who have EARNED this. "LOYALTY, as a general term, signifies a person’s devotion or sentiment of attachment to a particular object, which may be another person or group of persons, an ideal, a duty, or a cause. It expresses itself in both thought and action and strives for the identification of the interests of the loyal person with those of the object. Loyalty turns into fanaticism when it becomes wild and unreasoning; and into resignation when it displays the characteristics of reluctant acceptance." Please know that these troubles WON'T go away until you do something about it. There are really great guys out there but until YOU feel you're truly worth it, they won't come into your life. And you ARE truly worth it!

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

FWB but he still has a girlfriend Posted: 5/24/2009 5:24:41 PM
Now that you are labelled 'easy', DUMP HIS ARSE! GET SOME SELF ESTEEM! And repeat in your mind ...over and over ... "Don't EVER have sex with a guy HOPING it will turn into long-term. This just complete messes things up."

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

How do you get over someone you love?and begin to move on? Posted: 5/23/2009 3:06:53 AM
I'm going to echo splendere's advise ... This man did not cheat, you admit that you were happy together for 8 years and it is your post natal depression that is causing your behaviour. Your husband only started dating someone during the 4 months that you were apart and 'is still very much in love with' you! You say he is your SOUL MATE. Don't give this man up without every bit of effort you have in you. See counselling. :)

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Parenting the Depressed Posted: 5/21/2009 3:59:11 AM
You wrote the following: [I've been clueing her in on how structured her unstructured childhood was. Poor thing, now she's reviewing her childhood and making the connections that she thought were random at the time.] I too must wonder if her husband is clued in since it appears even your daughter wasn't up until recently. Why are you transfering? Has your daughter and her husband requested that you be closer to them from now on? Or maybe you just mean vacation request for deliver time. I loved your 'sticker story' as I have had my 6 year old son on a sticker system for 3 months. I have incentives beginning at 30, then 50, 60, 75 and 100 stickers for the week that the two of us have picked out. They are very simple rewards (and ones he would normally just GET on an average week but now he's learning HOW I determine whether he gets them or not) ... AND his listening and responsibility skills have increased dramatically. (He attains all the rewards on a week where he earns 100 and we will soon have to adjust the numbers higher!)

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

why do women take advantage of good men Posted: 5/20/2009 10:57:48 AM
Some women are jerks. Some men are jerks. I read your profile also: 'so if you read this please tell me your oppinion'. My opinion is that you shouldn't have pics of your children on a dating site for all to see. Sorry. It looks as if you're a proud papa and that IS nice. You're maybe trying to sell 'the package' and the pics show what's up for 'offer' but it's just morally wrong IMO. I got the first impression you have not created enough 'boundaries' in your life and therefore you have created a difficult situation for yourself. My first thought is that you LET people take advantage of you. It appears to me that you have created the situation you're in and you need to focus on raising your children and providing for your family and not whining and dining a romantic partner. Give your DAUGHTERS what you can offer for now. There are a limited number of people that will walk into a situation like this, just as there are for women in this same situation. It IS what it IS. What do you have to offer to a woman other than the fact that you're a good man (like every other man on here)? State THAT on your profile. Who cares if someone thinks you're ugly. Don't invite those types of comments into your world. I'm not TRYING to be a biotch. Just a realist. You just might need to learn to set boundaries so that your daughters can learn to set them too. They will need this lesson very much in their lives. If someone comes along in the meantime that you can share this journey with, then it's a bonus. I'm sure you have done much in your life to deserve respect and kindness also. :) Best of luck with everything.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

sibling rivery Posted: 5/20/2009 9:20:38 AM
The 'wrong type' of protection often stems from the hurts we receive throughout our OWN lives and so I DO understand your dilema to that degree. We don't want our children to also be hurt so we compensate ... but ... the reality ... everyone should experience LIFE eventually ... and all of it's range of emotions. Age related, so much CAN be taught to our kids while under the protection of our unconditional love and a stable home. The problem arises because we as parents haven't learned how to deal with EVERYTHING effectively (is that even possible???) ... so ... how can we teach everything to them? The answer is to learn how and know that even if we don't learn until THEY are adults, it's never to late to pass on the information IF they ask (if they don't, its still of GREAT benefit to ourselves), let someone else help them, or let them learn THEMSELVES ... the hard way. The reality is that even if you KNOW how to deal with certain things even 'pretty effectively', your children may still need to learn the hard way BUT hopefully the lesson won't be as tough and they won't get AS hurt. Parenting is one of the most difficult things to do. Also, please try and understand that any harshness from other posters here - or anywhere comes from their own hurts as they relate them to your story(s). The forums are a way for people to learn and vent. As with SOOOOO very many other mothers, you and their father have made mistakes and kids have been hurt because of it. It's difficult but requires strength for you to take responsibility for your part ... and to try and seek help. Take pride in this strength. :)

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

sibling rivery Posted: 5/20/2009 7:57:08 AM
JMO but ... Why are you trying to keep harmony? This is a bad situation and requires LEARNING FROM ... not HIDING FROM! Your children are adults and the most you can do is offer advise and set boundaries to stop yourself from becoming 'involved'. Personally, I would tell my youngest son that he should tell his older brother the truth, comlete with his own feelings about whether he feels bad or not. Tell him to be wear protective clothing. I would also sit both of my boys down ASAP and tell them it's time to get some SELF ESTEEM ...AND I would SUGGEST ways of doing so. If you're unsure what those ways are, read books and/or see a counsellor. I'd tell THEM to seek counselling too!! Most people won't go until they hit their own personal bottom but suggest it anyways. Take responsibility for the fact that you didn't prepare them for 'times like this' and their happiness is important to you. Your oldest son is allowing this woman to test his boundaries of what PROVES love. I don't understand why of course, and so am wondering if their OWN father has taken an active role in parenting your sons OR been a good husband? My guess is a definite no but of course, I could be wrong. I hope for the best for your son's.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

genetic charectoristics????? Posted: 5/19/2009 6:58:41 PM
Although I'm done having children, the answer is yes I did consider all qualities before I had children with their father. Ask yourself: would I like my children to be just like this person? I also consider would I like my children to be just like his/her family? NO SURE THING THOUGH. They could turn out to be totally different!! My children all inherited through my father's line: skin and eye colour as well as body type.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

What are worthy criteria to be in love? Posted: 5/19/2009 6:04:37 PM
I believe that worthy criteria for true love are: Friendship, trust, compassion, openness, honesty, shared values and similar philosophies. Add: 1) a spark of physical attraction 2) a dash of common interests 3) a dose of difference to keep things interesting 4) a desire to laugh and learn 5) and a similar energy level.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Why Is It So Wrong Posted: 5/19/2009 2:50:43 PM
Misery loves company? Independance is an ugly word for a woman? It most certainly isn't wrong for a woman to live on her own without a man just as it isn't wrong for a man to live on his own without a woman. There is always going to be someone, somewhere who will have issues with just about everything we do in life. We can't be understood by everyone, nor should we try to be. As long as we are happy with ourself and our decisions, and we correct the mistakes we feel we do make along the way ... Don't worry ... BE happy!

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

opinion on boyfriend Posted: 5/18/2009 3:33:39 AM
Reflect how you've been acting. See if you've changed your behaviour at all these past 5 months. Ask him if what you've changed has turned him off, if you discover anything. Maybe you are demanding more of his time? Maybe you are acting jealous? Maybe it's nothing like that. Respect his wishes and - what will be, will be. Best of luck.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Issues with the whole concept of 'dating' ... if you sometimes have some. Posted: 5/17/2009 4:32:11 PM
I have issues with the current concept of dating, uh huh. I googled and found ALOT of great ideas for hobbies. They won't give you a 'fan club' but even one new interest will get you involved in an area where you could meet someone with similar interests AND make you a more interesting person. Hobby Ideas: http://www.ideashelper.com/list_hobby_ideas.htm http://www.discoverahobby.com/

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Taking the positives out of a break up Posted: 5/14/2009 6:19:53 PM
Only 3 days ... I'm impressed!! It took me 3 YEARS from the end of my last relationship AND the advise of a stranger to find that freedom ... but I agree ... how good it feels!

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

The line of no return.... friendship... Posted: 5/12/2009 3:28:29 AM
Lines of no return ... "I would never date someone who ..." (and you fall under this category). "That guy is SO HOT!" (and you look nothing like him - not that you're not hot yourself, just not that particiular persons VERSION of hot AT THE TIME). "I'm always attracted to guys who ... " (and you DON'T fall under this category). Not saying it would NEVER happen because people DO change and DO eventually learn whether what they're looking for is 'working' for them or not, but it certainly doesn't happen quickly (usually years or decades lol). My own version of HOT changed a number of times over the course of 20 years. I used to be attracted to tall, blonde, slim men who had big muscles. Now I'm attracted to any height AT or above my own, darker (or grey lol) hair, a few extra pounds with enough muscle enough to perform his job and also help move furniture with me when required, HIM handling the heavy end if there is one. Same goes with the change in what I was looking for in personality over the years ... MUCH different in so many ways! All the best ...

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Stay at the home of a long distance date when visiting or make other arrangements? Posted: 5/11/2009 8:01:57 PM
I'm going to disagree with packagedeal. I do not trust people 'out-of-state' MORE than I do people from another town. If I have only met them on a few occasions (and over a short period of time) I will NOT be inviting them into my home for a sleep-over. AN "SO"???? I did not interpret this situation as a real relationship ... and even the OP puts it in quotations ... but merely as DATING someone who lives further away. GETTING TO KNOW THEM. (see her status and other posts ... one from 4 days ago "I'm in my mid thirties and recently starting dating a man who is in his early fifties ... I wonder what we'll have in common because our backgrounds are so different and not mention we could almost be mistaken for father and daughter ... Should I continue this or not?")

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Stay at the home of a long distance date when visiting or make other arrangements? Posted: 5/11/2009 7:42:37 PM
How long would we have been involved in this long distance out-of-state relationship? How have we confirmed their identity?

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 56 (view)

Pressing the Easy button Posted: 5/11/2009 6:59:04 PM
It's funny that I found this topic in the forums because it's something I talk about (ok, lecture about) to my children regularly. Hind sight is a wonderful 'tool'. I ended each relationship I had because I felt at those times that I had done everything I possibly could to make things work, and THEY were choosing not to fix things. I felt that THEY were hitting the 'easy' button. Now I realize that it was a lack of not only EFFORT but knowledge and a WHOLE lot of other values too, on each of our parts. Heartache can either take you down or force you to learn. It's all in the interpretation of the lesson. It sounds like heartache forced YOU to learn! That's MY thought. :)

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

is three to many? Posted: 5/10/2009 3:25:49 AM
No three isn't too many. More than one mother is a red flag. Yes there are women who like men with three kids. Saying someone is too nice can be a good thing, but it can also be a bad thing. It's nice to have a 'friend' who's this nice (albeit frustrating to see them get hurt) but not a MATE. Mate's who are 'too nice' get walked all over by people. SOME act too needy. SOME are too trusting. It affects the relationship. If you are the type of person who has not yet created enough 'boundaries' in your life(telling people I will not accept this type of behaviour - and sticking to it!) ... is a red flag - and women will pull away even if they do not know or understand this concept. When you meet a woman, do you spend months evaluating HER behaviour to see if she would be a good LONG TERM girlfriend or a good mother some day? Do you spend time evaluating HER values WHEN UNDER STRESS - because there are many people who will SAY one thing ... and then ACT differently when they are scared, angry or sad. Just things to consider ...

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Why Why why do men have to treat me like this Posted: 5/9/2009 4:14:22 PM
So your first lesson should be NOT to accept flight tickets from men you hardly know. Second lesson, don't go too far from home with men you hardly know. Third lesson, don't sleep with men you hardly know (not presuming you did). Fourth lesson, don't consider yourself in a relationship if he's still on POF. Fifth lesson, DATING is a way of getting to know someone (and this takes TIME, talk, patience) and yes, over time you or he could end it EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE GOOD PEOPLE (and are good looking) so ... don't assume you're in a RELATIONSHIP until much time has gone by and you are feeling secure. There's more but ... you look like a very pretty lady ... yet it is VERY apparent you have self esteem issues. A man will NOT EVER be able to give you self esteem. Only YOU can do that! My advise ... do not date again until you can figure out HOW to start feeling good about yourself. Best of luck to you!

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

How to convince my mother with a new guy! Posted: 5/9/2009 3:32:42 PM
Maybe your Mom is trying to parent you as she feels she should have done the first time around. I wonder that growing up with a parent who drinks alot, you maybe didn't get alot of very good lessons in life. Is she trying to turn life around for the two of you? If you want to impress your Mom and want to keep peace in your home, get to know ALOT about the guy you like, don't sleep with him, and after you know TONS about him (give it WEEKS of talk!!), tell her about him and ask her if you can bring him home to meet her. After she meets him, ask her what her initial impression was. Tell her you'll keep it in mind and ask her to please be patient with you so you can have a chance to learn about guys. Truly, be kind to yourself and keep an open mind for what she suggests. You'll learn more about the sorting process over time: how to notice a TRULY good guy vs the 'red flags' telling you when they're jerks. All the best to you.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

how do you start dating again? Posted: 5/9/2009 3:12:43 PM
Wait until the bitterness has faded and she can find the positives again. It's not fair to take it into the next relationship. She should try and understand why she attracted this person in the first place so she doesn't attract them again.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

solution for a broken heart ;) Posted: 5/9/2009 2:59:52 PM
I completely agree that you must repair your own heart. It strengthens you like nothing else in this world will! And I completely agree that taking responsibility for your part is important. Taking something positive away from the experience is the way to do it!! I disagree with you on this though: 'do not get attached to anything you cannot let go (& yes, that applies even to your own child!)' Instead ... Do not be afraid to love unconditionally! Risk your heart, but only with someone you've gotten to know well, and learned to love over time ... and most especially ... love your child unconditionally! You CAN and MUST 'let go' when it's required of you. THAT is part of life. THAT is part of life's lessons. There are unhealthy attachments/relationships and maybe this is what you are referring to, such as dependancy and co-dependancy? Never wrap your whole world around another person. Be a balanced individual (meaning: stay connected with friends, enjoy your job, have a hobby and don't give it up when you're in a relationship, support a 'cause' and don't give it up when you're in a relationship, volunteer, stay involved in your children's lives BUT ALSO ... LOVE another if it's 'right'!) , that way if the/a relationship takes a turn for the worst, your whole world doesn't come crashing down on you.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Ask why or just forget it Posted: 5/9/2009 2:37:45 PM
Just forget about it. Don't seem pushy or desperate. You'll have other opportunities to meet someone and it sounds from what you've written here that you're being polite and reasonable and completely unsleezy. lol.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Ever discovered your Ex was on the same dating site ??? Posted: 5/9/2009 2:21:05 PM
Yes. One experience where nothing happened other than we emailed once each, one where I didn't know he was here for months and then it got weird, and one that started awkward but ended fine although I deleted my account on POF for a long time. My suggestions: If you normally don't communicate, don't email them if you see them. If they email you, write back politely, keeping it short and wish them luck in their search. Don't add them to your fave's and delete them if they add you with a polite email to say sorry but you don't want to complicate things, good luck in their search. Do everything in your power to AVOID stalking their profile. Don't talk about your ex to anyone on-line or keep it vague if they persist. Tell them if they have any questions, you'll talk about it more when you meet.

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Have you seen the effects of your relationships on your children? Posted: 5/4/2009 8:42:07 AM
Teaching children that we each deserve to be treated with respect and compassion can be taught in every relationship we have (family, friends and acquaintances as well as romantic relationships). If we do not set and stick to our and other peoples boundaries, we do not teach them how to do it for themselves. Isn't it WONDERFUL to see our lessons appear in our children's lives just when they need them ????? It gives me hope that they'll have even more success that I did!!!