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eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 190 (view)

how come ladies don't like men who play videogames?? Posted: 11/26/2009 7:27:09 PM
lol, years ago a I dated a woman who spent three whole days bytching about computer games and the losers that play them. Then I told her how much money I made per year making computer games. That shut her up pretty quick. I never saw her again after that night. Back in the day when computer games companies valued talent then the salaries were far higher then the normal IT jobs. Sadly that has changed. As cw35 said -- the computer game industry is advancing to the prime source of entertainment over movies and most other sources. While traditional sources of entertainment are important for balance -- ballet, opera, music, concerts, fairs, etc -- it is more childish and immature for women to hate computer games with such irrational outrage. The women who do play computer games are the ones that learn with an open mind. Women like that are much more friendly and worth knowing....imho.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 785 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/26/2009 10:33:41 AM
I agree that men may have some fear of a negative label with daycare work, but if it paid well enough, they'd go to court and earn their right to be hired. It will never happen. Men know where they are not wanted when it comes to the fickle nature of female thinking. Any battle like that would brand a man for life whether he wins or loses a court challenge. It is a battle not worth the consequence or the victory. Even if the legal challenge was won, it would change nothing in the way women view men as child caregivers. We just accept it and move on. The daycare example is just another one of things men are well aware of as the unwritten laws of discrimnation we face. I think women rarely put thought to it in depth, hence why it is an example that rarely occurs to their thinking processes. Most any woman capable can get pregnant or adopt if they want children. Men like me on the other hand do not have such options, no matter how much we want to have children in our lives. I suppose it could make some men have reason to resent female culture, but most of us just accept that is the way it is. It is unfair yes -- but this is the modern world with subtle rules not made by us. Something more women should consider when men talk about the uneven field we are forced to play on.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 770 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/25/2009 10:38:58 PM
And men simply do not flock to fill daycare positions (which are always open because the burn out rate is sky high). Men are not permitted to work in daycare positions, at least not in this part of the world. We have to get background checks done just to volunteer at a food bank, while women do not. What does that say to your concept of discrimination. In Canada, we have what's called Affirmative Action, which is a law that legalizes discrimination against white males. If a company is faced with two screened applicants - one is a female who met the standard qualifications and the other is a male who exceeded them, then the company can hire the female, in the spirit of equality, and the law will be completely in her favor. It's not uncommon nowadays to see job postings in Canada that prevent white males from even applying. Actually teenwolf is right on that. I have seen jobs that had to be filled by less qualified canditates simply because they kicked up a stink based on discrimination of gender or race. Although I would call it reverse discrimination (PC terrorism), even though it originally was a good intention to even out the field for those not hired based on gender, race, etc. These days it is more often the reverse in some fields because greedy corporations will hire someone they can pay less to. By default that tends to be women and more so immigrants. These people are also easier to intimidate and exploit. Sad but there it is. The reverse discrimination component is more a issue in government hiring then private sector. As to the radical feminism comments -- there is a lot more of that in central canada then in eastern or western. Traditional feminism has very strong and valid opinions on how equality has to exist. People like Germaine Greer made a lot of sense on the need for fairness. People like Andrea Dworkin should have been put out on the ice floes with polar bears. Their brand of feminism is nonsense, yet it appeals to a certain militant man-hating percentage of the population that uses fifty year views in society as validation to continue a war that primarily ended in the 1970's.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 710 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/24/2009 5:04:04 AM
rustic -- well put-- yet we shall have a train of women who deny the injustice you speak of and validate it. This is what our world has come to. But apparently men will be to blame for that too. Sad.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 547 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/21/2009 2:40:45 PM
What on earth could you object to about a woman controlling herself? Do you think you should be in control instead? Or maybe someone else? No, of course not. I'm not being sarcastic. I really don't think you personally want to but...........the man who beats his wife most certainly DOES. There's no comparison. I stand by what I said. The mentality of the two is the same. You and others are so brainwashed by the term "biotch" that I suspect you don't see how negative a red flag that it is to males. The term is less about a woman controlling herself, and more about a license for a woman (any woman) to abuse and control others if she calls herself that. I am using an example that is different then "independent", but no less the same issue. What you mean and how someone else percieves what you mean -- two very different things. I suppose a woman who is a biotch is not going to care about that part, but never the less it is something perhaps women should have more empathy for. More to the extreme then "independent" -- but there is a lot of baggage attached to some words. Do you understand yet? I know some people are going to take the next statement completely the wrong way but it is never the less a related truth Guess you missed that part.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 540 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/21/2009 12:16:35 PM
renegade said -- So in all reality eyeofthecamera, it works both ways. Hate to tell you this, but your arguement has been shot down. Welcome to the New World Order. Treat relations between genders like a competition, and nobody wins anything -- despite your view to the contrary. You know, whats really ironic (and funny) about this post is that if you read between the lines, her reactions are the end result of everything that EyeOfTheCamera pointed out......lol......... I am glad someone else noticed that too. Sadly I think she sees the world through angry eyes -- which is too common a problem. Margo stated -- It occurred to me this morning as I caught up in this thread, that there might be another dynamic present when women put "I'm independent" or "I don't need a man" on their profiles. The act of joining a dating site and writing a profile makes some feel very vulnerable. ....... For some, this vulnerability is very threatening of their self-concept, for others it is just dayum uncomfortable. So they write this stuff, make these declarations, to counter the feeling of vulnerability. Kind of like whistling in the dark. I suspect you are right. But then again how often do women respect a man who has fear versus a man having compassion for a woman who has fear. Underneath that lies another double standard. Personally I don't expect to meet anyone who does not have some fear of something. We all carry wounds from our life experiences. However, one thing we pick up on quickly as men is the anger evident in some profiles. Even when there is a small indicator of it we have learned to avoid those kind of people. Which sadly is what I think women do when they hear the terms "nice", "decent", or "good". The reasons why women do so though is far more anti-social and demeaning -- which in kind of my point. I think thats what a lot of the women reading mens counter-posts are missing too. We really don't want anyone in our life who is hateful any more then you do. Unless of course you are one of those deluded people who mistakenly thrives on conflict. The reasons men avoid women with the "independent" word is simply this -- we don't want to pair up with someone who has a angry trigger. When we cannot even question the inequality or disfunctional issues in our society around gender roles, without causing a firestorm -- then what is the point of even engaging this person in email conversation or having any interest in them at all. I know some people are going to take the next statement completely the wrong way but it is never the less a related truth. "A woman who is proud to be a bytch is like a man who is proud to beat his wife." - RSC There is no difference. This is how good men see the attitude problem in women. No decent man is going to put up with another man who beats or abuses his wife. Why should we put up with the same kind of mentality from women, just on the other side of the fence. The anger and the result are the same. Different sources, different outcomes, but same result. Until the term "bytch" and "independent" can be seperated in a mature fashion, I dont see a lot of leeway for a change of opinions within our generation.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 459 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/19/2009 4:46:33 PM
At least in the context of a loving relationship, Women need MEN as much as they need WOMEN. Lets us not keep kidding ourselves otherwise. I agree with you as well. Being independent does not mean you are super-hero. It does not mean you are no longer human, with the same feelings and needs a normal human has. It just means you try to rely on yourself as much as you can. But reality dictates this is not always possible. Admitting to ones humanity requires accepting our weakness and our needs. It is sad that some women feel the need to disconnect the two realities in order to feel good about themselves. The cause of that is media BS about what represents a free and independent "woman". Tis refreshing to see a few cute smart fish still out there.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 455 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/18/2009 7:26:00 PM
I'm trying to understand this because it's so painfully obvious that men ans women communicate differently, and think differently because of different socialization. The socialization is the key problem. Young women are told they can break all the rules, do what they want, no consequences, who cares if a man suffers, they deserve it, women should be proud to be a bytch, etc etc. This immaturity is then carried over into their adult years because of the peer reinforcement of said hateful beliefs. This negative anti-social belief gets a lot of practice in female culture under the guise of "liberation" and "independence" -- which personally why I think a lot of men get stand offish when they hear those words in a profile. Of course anyone with a grain of sense knows such practices are destructive and hateful -- but admiting that is the same as admiting fault in ones own cultural logic. It is not difficult to get women to admit to this problem privately, but publicly most will support the conformity and neo-feminist message. They act like they are somehow going to lose equality by being critical of creatures of the same gender. This is why having any sensible discussion on the problems with female belief structures tends to turn into a lot of finger pointing, irrational flaming, and other outright name calling directed at men. As stated many times already -- independence is assumed behavior in modern society. Those who stand on boxes and proclaim they are "independent" or that "my children come first" or that "my fifty cats are the love of my life" etc etc are all declarations that men know are red flags. They clearly illustrate that we are dealing with a woman who has underlying issues or beliefs that require special treatment, meaning they really are not interested in balance or sharing in relationships. In case you ladies have not figured it out yet -- the majority of men are raised to not take well to ultimatiums -- not from dictators, tyrants, friends, or relationship partners. So of course it is a major red flag to see irrational demands in a profile. Not sure why so many seem to find that hard to understand.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 366 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/9/2009 1:27:29 PM
Wow chameleonf you are getting so off base. I thought I was having a dicussion in a forum and believed I asked you legitimate and direct questions based on your own comments, which you still have avoided answering. I am not avoiding anything. You are not listening to what I told you already. The "proof" you want is all around you. You must live in a pretty sheltered world if you cannot see it. You cannot get any better empirical evident then hundreds of men on these forums telling you that something is wrong with the gender relations situation in western countries. Go do your own homework. Try opening your eyes and talking to other men. Go read the other comments that other men post. What? Do you think we make all this stuff up because we have some kind of chip on our shoulder?? There is tons of proof on this forum alone about what men are trying to communicate -- and loads of women who flame them back for it. If you ask for honest answers and then don't like what you hear when a man gives one to you -- then how do you expect to learn anything? For every woman who still makes like they are a victim in a "oh woe is me" femme fatale way because all men are alike, there is a man doing the "all women are wanting is to be taken care of" rhetoric. The problem with the above statement, in my opinion, is that once again you are grouping by gender yet again, as opposed to taking each person within each gender on their own. Obviously more men than women are statistically more violent physically - jails are filled with more men than women. In the above statements you are clearly contradicting yourself. You accuse me of generalizing about women, yet you have no problem generalizing about men. Pardon me -- but attacking someone over semantics is not debate. I'm sure it's not considered PC; in fact, it would be professional suicide for a psychologist to state openly that he or she thinks of the opposite gender in negative terms as a whole, rather than viewing each person, no matter the gender, on an individual basis, based on their own psychological dilemas. It certainly doesn't stop some of them having the generalized biases and quietly going about their pschological "counselling" in a negative way, based on negative biases. Precisely my point above and they have no business counselling others. All they've proven is they've been able to pass the tests and become a counsellor, not that they will have the ability to be effective. More the point -- this is precisely why there can be no effective debate on the many aspects of female gender related behavior and how it is destructive to general society -- because the person who carries out such studies would automatically be accused of attacking women, and thus the work is automatically disqualified and rejected. Hence why political correctness kills all logical academic study and replaces it with emotional based logic that solves -- NOTHING. Look at the simple sociological based works by Faith Popcorn and Camilla Paglia that challenged simple feminist rational about how men are treated in society by feminists -- and just look at the lynch mobs that showed up to crucify them. They questioned the status quo of female culture and now neither of them has a career to speak of. And they were women. For a man to even question ANYTHING about how women think these days is PC suicide. Yet you seem to think that is how it should be, based on your words. So what does that say about your beliefs? Then stop generalizing. Our society has a problem with the way a lot of men see what relatinships should be as well. How about taking each individual based on their own merits for a change. You don't like the victim mentality that some women have; then don't be a man acting like a victim yourself. Pretty simple stuff. And you are trying to twist my words into something else -- yet again. I refuse to be a victim of the thinking that modern women subscribe to, especially when they go on about "I don't need a man". For the record I have never once said "all" women. Thankfully there are some that think sensible and are perfectly rational. But there are far too many that do not. I suspect the issue with women who think like you do is that you are using semantics to deflect yourself from truths you are not willing to acknowledge. If you think people do not need each other then that is a fools belief. Humans need each other now more then they have in past generations. Simply declaring yourself "independent" is a delusion of grandeur in my opinion, or at least a symptom of it. Standing there and waving a flag to declare yourself "independent" might make you feel good about yourself, but honestly it is not required. These days -- with equality and such -- it is assumed. That is what most of the men on this thread have been trying to point out. To a typical man who reads that in a womans profile -- they are going to think like another poster stated -- that the person who has to declare this probably is not independent at all and is still struggling with it. So get over it already. You're somehow feeling browbeaten because women have attained more equality than they once had. Again more twisting. I never said that. Your interpretations of what I have written in my posts has been waayyyyyyy off base. I have no problem with equality at all, but that is not the situation we now have in our modern society. For a long time we had women who were playing the equality chip to play the victim -- and what I am saying is that will not fly anymore with men. We are sick of hearing about it. So now the victim mentality is no longer tolerated so women are switching over to the "fiercely independent bytch -- I don't need a man" approach. Do you really thing this is somehow a positive thing for society, much less for the cause of equality? Do you think this is somehow good for relationships?? Trying to be worse human beings then what you think men are is not equality -- and it sure as hell is not progress. PS: What the last poster said about being "self-reliant" makes more sense then anything I have seen on here yet. There is no man worth calling himself a man who has a problem with any woman being self-reliant. <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_231.gif border=1>

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 351 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/8/2009 7:45:34 PM
Kind of scary that people get into relationships becaseu they "need" someone. A bit better to get into a healthy relationship because you enjoy someone's company. What you define is a friendship and not a relationship. Kind of scary that you do not know the difference. Men are content to just be comfortable and happy - can he be comfortable and happy on his own or does he need a woman to be so? Apparently not, because women are so difficult to deal with. If men find it more comfortable to be on their own they why are you so upset? If a man doesn't need a woman then you react negatively. Hmmm interesting double standard. Men are totally static and nothing ever waivers about them from day to day? They're as boring and one dimensional as you would like to make them appear to be by your statements? Interesting that you equate comfortable with "boring". You are putting words in my mouth yet again btw. I'm certain there is a plethora of evidence from people who know and have studied human psychology, of both men and women, who could blow your theories out of the water. It is not considered "politically correct" to discuss negative behaviors of female culture in general within the psychological community. I have heard what some psychologists and socialogists say publicly versus what they say privately. Two very different viewpoints. Publicly there is still a lot of labeling of men as the cause of social troubles due to them being more violent statistically. But there is very little discussion even in behavioral psychology textbooks on how female culture promotes an entirely different and anti-social kind of thinking. That is an unfortunate effect of the way our society has been browbeaten by so called victim feminism. It impacts day to day activity in the medical field as well. When I did counseling work 20 years ago it was common to run into that a lot. If a woman was a victim of some domestic situation then all the blame was automatically placed on the man in the equation. It is only in recent years that the psychology of co-dependency looks at equal blame for these situations. That was then, this is now. Now we have this so called push for "independence" that implies women have to be better then men in order to be equal. This has resulted in more excuses for a hidden victimology just in a different form. If you study human behavior at any level then you should have no problem seeing the imbalance in the gender social equation. I am glad to see victim psychology fading from modern psychology views. But it is far from gone. However replacing that with entitlement based thinking to make someone feel positive about themselves "as women" is not a positive replacement. It is replacing one method of failed rationalization with another. I have seen very few studies on the dark side of female culture yet, because anyone foolish enough to publish such would be crucified. These forums are a similar situation. Talk about these kind of hot button issues or present observations and someone will flame you. It would just be intersting, however, to see if the "everyday" person could do likewise once you state your position with more clarity. I am guessing you are one of those diehards that does not like to listen to what men say. There are plenty of statements on these forums from men trying to explain the imbalances they see in female cultural effects on our modern society. The proof is everywhere. I don't see many women who post proof to counter what I am saying, just comments from women who seem to want to counter the social inequality situation on a personal level. BTW I am not here to antagonize you or any women. Most other men that I see post honest answers are not here to antagonize either. We give you honest statements about what we feel, and you get upset. Please do not start with the "generalization" comment. Simply labeling something I say as a generalization to make it have no value will not fly to anyone with a rational mind. It does not remove the reality that our society has a problem with the way a lot of women see what relationships should be.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Are we all here for the same reasons ??? Posted: 11/8/2009 12:45:46 PM
I would say it is closer to 50% when look at the overall numbers (not just the percentage that might appeal to you), but that is just my opinion. That is still a large pool of folks to consider imho. Compatibility numbers are closer to 0.1% As to those of us who find the forums interesting (or those like myself that committeed dating suicide long ago by posting here) there is still some reason to hang around. Beats watching football when your day is otherwise boring. Sometimes what good you discuss or points you make gets through to the silent reading majority that is willing to listen and change for the better. So I suppose that is one small positive.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 339 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/8/2009 12:28:08 PM
we tend as males to think it is just less grief to be single and dammed from a distance. Cindy said -- And you don't think women aren't starting to feel the same way? The big difference is the underlying reasons why women do compared to why men do. Both sides are sick of the lack of comfort in relationships, but women seem to want so dam much that it makes a human relationship impossible. Men -- generally -- are content to just be comfortable and happy. Women are so fickle and so constantly changing in their behaviors that it becomes a constant source of stress and unnecessary drama to be involved with one. I have not found many women that have come to grips with that yet. There are some. It is not a blame issue -- but it is a behavioral thing that I think women rarely notice in themselves until they are much older, and even then many don't see it -- as opposed to others that do see it and see the negative behavior as part of who they are. As if because they are a "modern woman" then that gives them some social permission to identify with being a "bytch" or similar negative forming mindsets. That is not to say that there are not men who are jerks too, but there is much that is wrong with modern female culture. No doubt I will get the usual flames and accusations just by saying this -- but I suspect most men will agree with it. Women asked men to change during the nineties. Well now men are asking women to change for the better. Not many takers though it seems. Oh well. Good luck.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 64 (view)

Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?? Posted: 11/8/2009 9:07:12 AM
Thatguyhim said -- Problem is that they're not protective of their mental illness at all. The fact that they lack the ability to feel guilt makes them incapable of recognizing they even have such an illness. Sorry bud but you are wrong on that. It applies to some of the less skilled sociopaths perhaps or the younger ones not yet wise to their need to conceal their core self -- but as they get older they learn to be VERY protective of anything in their day to day behavior that will betray them. Just because sociopaths do not "seem" to have guilt does not mean they do not understand what they are doing. While many of them lack cognitive awareness of emotional states that they cannot have normal empathy with, that is a thin line between feeling and awareness. Just for the record there is a difference between the symptomology (aka. abnormal anti-social behavior) and clinical sociopathy. I know that is hard for a layman to understand as it is a finite detail -- but as with most mental illness states the devil is in the details. A soldier who returns from war that is numb to the feeling of all the people he killed is far different from a serial killer with similar symptoms. In fact many of these homicidal sociopaths like to kill other things because it simulates feeling for them. Through the suffering they cause they can visualize what suffering is like, because some simply cannot concieve what it is about otherwise. This cross commonality with pedo behavior is why some academics will in private connect the two disease. The compulsions are different, but the overall actions and belief structures, and lack of empathy are the same. It is not uncommon to encounter a predatory pedo that is also a sociopath. There are also stages of "sociopathy". It is the older ones that establish themselves in a comfort zone where they can regularly find victims to torment or destroy that are the ones you will not see coming in most cases. These kind of people are very very dangerous to cross paths with. However, yes... when people start to figure them out, they do get scared. A lot of non-sociopaths fall into this category -- including people suffering from forms of repressed guilt, low-self esteem, people who are deeply depressed, those with behavior management issues, etc. Some have more to hide then others. The difference with a sociopath is that they tend to take extreme steps to protect themselves when they are discovered. This can include blackmail, threats of physical violence, destroying the discoverers reputation, attacks on their career and life, etc. Years ago I dated a woman whose son was a sociopath. Like most mothers she denied he was a monster, which is sad because this kind of thing reinforces the sociopaths belief in their own superiority. It is also why you find a lot of male sociopaths or psychopaths that are mommas boys. Someone in their life is seen as a supporter of their deranged thinking -- and many mothers or parents make the mistake of supporting someone by not pointing out what they are doing wrong. But others get this same reinforcement from a loving spouse too. That is not to say that sociopaths always seek out dependency based relationships -- but many tend to. I have had the misfortune of running across these animals in the workplace too. One even ruined by business and career over it. They realized that I understood what they were and saw me as a threat. So they took great steps to eliminate me. To this day I swear on a bible that one of them tampered with my car in an attempt to kill me, but was amateurish and did not succeed. When I confronted my boss over it I was let go as the sociopath was a loyal employee. That is another thing. Many of them are seen as pillars of the social communities in which they project themselves. This is also part of how they work on hiding themselves. While their life may be a horrible mess in one area they are often seen as positive leaders to others. That was the point of my earlier post. Many sociopaths are able to project themselves as "perfect" members of a group. They even take pride in that. The fact that they are so flawless should make you wonder. Most normal humans have some simple flaws. Sociopaths rarely tolerate imperfection. The point is that symptomology can fill books. Don't assume simple character flaws are a sign of a sociopath or other severe mental illness. It takes time to diagnose someone properly in this way, and unless you have a very trained mind for it -- the real sociopaths and psychopaths will leave you confused and uncertain. That is part of their halmark and M.O. It is a defensive mechanism that serves them well. Be careful out there folks. Remember the 50-50 rules.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 334 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/8/2009 8:32:25 AM
What does it have to do with competition? Over the past two decades our society has moved from a cooperative viewpoint to a competitive viewpoint. As a result women have been brought into the fold of "competition being a good thing" message that men are raised on. Thus a lot of relationships are viewed as some kind of competition where one gender or the other supposedly has to be "wearing the pants in the family", "running the show", etc. To the winner goes the spoils, while the loser gets kicked to the curb. Good riddance, etc. Hardly a positive human viewpoint on life. I think this is a lot of the underlying current that has made people more angry, as the generally higher stress anxiety in our society is being redirected towards competitive and anger resolving mindsets. Where every small issue has to come down to a "someone has to win" for someone to feel valued. For many folks now being valued is replacing being loved as a priority -- whether out of necessity to identity or out of some misplaced message that love is "not needed". Personally I think this need for competition in everything (even relationships) is the foundation of a lot of what is isolating and hurting peoples psyches. A human soul needs to feel loved, intimate, and valued. Trying to deny parts of that equation to justify ones being "independent" is not progress.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 329 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/7/2009 7:54:32 PM
It is not about being hyper-sensitive. It is simply the long-term problem of being dammed if we do, and dammed if we don't. So for men that are tired of the "browbeating" -- as another poster feels that it is -- we tend as males to think it is just less grief to be single and dammed from a distance. Why act like it is some badge of shame to need someone close in your life?? It is suppose to be a loving and supportive relationship -- not a competition about who is more independent. Are women afraid to seem weak about it?? Is that why they perceive men who need someone as "weak" and hate them so much?? Such needless foolishness and elitism to think someone has to fit the perfect mold to be lovable relationship material.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 302 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/7/2009 3:59:59 AM
makeba said -- Why can't we just accept the fact that the different genders NEED each other one way or the other? Agreed. Smart and sensible and cute too. Damm.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?? Posted: 11/5/2009 10:46:53 AM
Emm, a lot of closet psychology conclusions on this thread about what is a sociopath. I would say many of the traits discussed are valid symptomology, but however you cannot judge someones mental state based on one or two simple behaviors alone. There are many cross over behavioral signs between different mental disorders. A few myths on sociopaths is that they are violent, hurt animals, etc. Sociopaths that do engage in this behavior at an early age are simply trying to understand what emotion and feeling is. Unfortunately many of them carry over this experimental mindset and practice into adult years. They get great satisfaction out of manipulating and controling other peoples lives. They may even be protective and guarded over those individuals, until the other person challenges the sociopaths hold over them and then things go badly. The bulk of sociopaths do not like their structured view of the world challenged in any way. An unwillingness to debate things is sometimes a cautionary red flag. Combine this with a willingness to take authority over others quickly and you are looking at a probable case. This incidently is a comfort zone for sociopaths, hence why many try to establish themselves in positions of power. While psychopaths and sadists tend to take pleasure from harming people, sociopaths (other then those that do harm as a "hobby") generally do not display openly aggressive behaviors. As another poster said it is when sociopathic patterns emerge in combination with narcassism (on the rise in our society for whatever reason -- imoral environment increase perhaps?) and when combined with sadism that tend to be the outwardly obvious ones. I had the misfortune of having a relationship with a sociopath once who unknowningly was prone to fits of madness. That was not a pleasant few months. I am an experienced counselor, and even I have been fooled on occasion. That being the key issue. Sociopaths tend to be masters of deception. Don't think a "feeling" or a behavior alone is marker. Most sociopaths are very moral even when they not know what guilt is. Many are very protective of their mental illness because they know it often brings them grief in life when others find out about them -- especially the secretly sadistic ones. It all comes down to instinct really when dealing with some dangerous people -- but instinct has a lot to do with physical and emotional cues. Sociopaths are often well aware of this, and never display such failings. In fact the majority of sociopaths will appear "too perfect", which is a more common tell then any other. Humans being stupid and gullible as they are tend to gravitate towards individuals who seem "perfect" (women in particular seem foolish this way -- false idolizing) as trusted friends and advisors, and that is what true sociopaths seek to use to their advantage. If something feels wrong then you should take a step back and proceed with caution. Most sensible people will understand any reluctance you have, and be patient with it. A sociopath on the other hand tends to lack patience, which results in them rapidly breaking away from any social connection with no remorse and moving on.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 284 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/3/2009 6:59:50 PM
When I used to actively date on this site a couple years back I took the chance on meeting some of the women that made such declarations. I gave them the benefit of the doubt that this was just a reflection of some simple anxiety. Boy was I wrong. One thing I noticed in common in those half dozen cases was that women who felt the need to say "I don't need a man" or "don't need a father" or "my kids come first" were mostly saying they were very picky and somewhat elistist in what they were seeking, and would not settle for anything other then mr rich, pretty, fabulous, etc etc. The walls they put up were obvious and seemingly angry ripples within their personalities, not just some reflection of past pains as another poster suggested. To me the overall anti-social nature of the comments reflect someone who had a list of absolutes and wants that can never be met by 99.999% of human beings. So yes I would consider such declarations major red flags and would never bother approaching or talking with someone so self-absorbed. Not worth the high probability that you are dealing with someone who has such high irrational needs that they would never be happy.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 162 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 11/2/2009 2:35:43 PM
Oh, now I get it! NICE GUY RANT! Even men don't agree with your "nice guy" theory. How's that gonna feel when your worldview tpped on its ear?! That makes everything else fall into place. Good luck with that. The only upside to this is that I get a shot of tequila. Your words. Not mine. 1) You take what I say and twist it 2) you put words and interpretations into things that I have not implied. 3) you make far too many assumptions when myself and others try to provide examples or facts that you simply are not interested in accepting because they are our personal experiences. Good for you that your little piece of the world does not fit the mold we speak of. But attacking people like me that are trying to explain something -- not really a helpful thing to do. If you think I am here just to perpetuate some "nice guy" conspiracy then you are sorely deluded. Cheers.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 159 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 11/2/2009 9:35:14 AM
Maybe I'll go ahead and posit that there are FAR more "far from ideal" males than there are "far from ideal females", so there aren't enough "ideal" fellas to go around. So these poor women have to go for "far from ideal guys" (or live life alone). And then women are blamed for going after "far from ideal guys" and then we're ALL told that ALL women are irrational because some small percentage of women choose "far from ideal guys". If your logic was true then there would not be so many so called "nice guys" that are single, and apparently abhored by women in the larger dating pool who call such men a bunch of whinners and wussies. But then again -- what constitutes "far from ideal guys" in the general view is something that men like me are saying you are ignoring. The definition of those so called ideals that you are passing on to your younger sisters or kids will be what makes or breaks our nations future. Personally I think a lot of our generation have their beliefs and man bashing practices so engrained now that they will be impossible to re-educate. That is a sad thing. It really is up to all of us to change that, but women will listen to other women long before they will listen to any logic a man has to say. This thread is some reflection of that reality. If what you said in your little quote above was true then you should reverse the male and female titles in your above logic then you can understandably see why there are men making stupid choices for the same reasons. But I think what is more true is that a lot of decent men are simply giving up on the dating game and staying single, rather then make their own bad choices that cost them their income, house, independence etc. There is a wall of pain and fear being built between genders that is I believe is unlike any we have seen before in history, and this is not going to end well for our society if it continues. For those single people out there who feel ostricised because they are "nice" or "not pretty" or similar political social reasons -- they are finding it hard to be productive members of a community that they see doesn't seem to want them. We are suppose to be the civilized first world, but you would not know it to look at our beliefs and practices. That in lies the deeper problem imho.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 158 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 11/2/2009 8:17:44 AM
CassaGo and forumologist I have NEVER said there are not good women out there. Not once. In fact I know many of them. The problem is that they are not in the majority, despite what you say. Men are merely pointing out what they see on a daily basis. Your perspective is sheltered because you are a female and do not have to see what a man does. I used to see women everyday by the dozens who suffered a compulsion to match up with violent and aggressive males that abuse them. I gave up counseling because I got sick of seeing the same stupid behavior over and over and over and over again. You try to help victims of domestic abuse -- when in reality most of these women (albeit examples of the extremes) go back to these men over and over again. Too many end up beaten, abused, broken, and bitter -- all because they cannot see the nature of their mistakes. The same happens more commonly in lesser dating choices and relationships where women apply dysfunctional logic to the men they choose. These are FACTS that you can find at any shelter or social services office. You can throw accusations at me and some of the other men who post on here, but we are not whining. We are trying to point out what we see, and that there is a problem with the larger percentage of the female population and how they view the world. You want facts? Well go out and live in the real world. Go find it yourself. Anyone who takes off their blinders can see it. You must lead a very sheltered existence to be so blind. I have absolutely no problem with equality or any aspects of it. What I have a problem with is that female culture has some very negative and blinding views on the abuses heaped on men who are trying to help them. I do see women who wise up to the abuse after suffering enough of it, but then their own culture and media continues spewing foolishness under the guise of "romance" that perpetuates this garbage for the next generation coming up. Then the cycle starts all over again. Women should be standing up and creating an identity for their younger siblings and daughters that rejects the common view in favor of one that deals with realities and the ethics that come of simple decency towards others. Come on. You cannot continue to bad mouth men for womens foolish choices. The root of the problem is female culture in western countries itself. Stop trying to shoot the messenger just because you resent the truth.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 121 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 10/31/2009 1:15:52 PM
Not anymore. That's why so many older women prefer younger men. They are not so old school selfish. Ok it's theory. A flawed theory in my experience. Sure there are still male buffoons around that will not get it. But that is not the majority of males. On the other hand you see testimony after testimonial (bemoanial?) that states they want men who are "bad" and treat them like dirt. So sensible men see that and gravitate towards that behavior because they think this is what women are seeking. Personally I think women are busy doing one thing and saying another -- and in the process digging the hole they are stuck in and then crying about that. The men who have agreed to equality, mutual respect, orgasm "entitlement" and the like are the ones that women don't want. So you think this kind of practiced hypocrisy is not going to have a larger impact on human gender relations? If you are amongst the women who believe there is no problem here then there is a lot of deluded thinking going on in the camp of women. Men stick with relationships longer out of foolish hope that it will improve and out of duty and loyalty. "Modern" women on the other hand have a different agenda, and get the support of other women who think as they do. So you tell me how this equation will end up?

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 106 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 10/30/2009 7:51:08 PM
Pointing out the injustices created by this new gender equation hardly counts as "hating". When men come on here to tell their side of the story and essentially commit dating suicide hardly counts as "hate" at any level. I think I speak for a lot of men when I say that we don't hate women. We just hate the culture of entitlement that many so called "modern" women have adapted to and now cling to. It has created a horrible imbalance in social, legal, and every day things that is so unnecessary and petty. For there not to be some level of backlash against this behavior by men is a wonder. If you want equality then make it about equal ethics, equal respect -- or forget it.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 89 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 10/30/2009 1:10:03 PM
@wannashakeyourtree - Thanks for having the guts to post an often unseen side of modern relationships. I survived similar within two relationships. The common media stereotype of women being victims instead or more truthful portrayals of irrational, violent, evil, or out of control -- is not dealt with very well in our modern culture. With women I find they let emotion overrule reason too often, which leads to dangerous behavior. There does not seem to be much ownership of this issue by the female community. Try dealing with a drunken violent lunatic addict woman throwing knives at you or one driven over the edge by her own mental illness who takes it out on anyone close by. Because you are the man in the relationship, the finger of cause is too often pointed at us. Who do you think the cops side with when they show up? Who in the community will lay the blame for said behavior on the woman over "a man"? Not to dam many in my experience. I recently had a friend commit suicide because of the abuse he had to secretly endure at the hand of his ex-wife. He put up with it for years to try and save his children. In the end it drove him to deeply into the bottle, and finally to death. These kinds of things done onto men are way more common then is acknowledged. Made even worse when you encounter women who think because he was a man that he must have deserved it. This kind of garbage goes on. Both genders have a lot of skelaton behaviors amongst their own kind that they have to stand up and confront more often. Spousal abuse takes different forms by gender, but it all equally bad. Personally I think men tend not to want divorce for more honorable (perhaps misguided) ideals of honor, to protect kids, or have affairs because trying to find some sanctuary from their pains is required in order to live day by day. <div class='quote'>So f*** all the bitter men on here (and everywhere) who can only talk smack about there being only bitter, cold-azzed, cheating, lazy, nagging women, while they pull their puds and read profiles looking for the next woman. Guess you should all switch teams if you hate women so much. The difference is we speak up to change things. Identifying the facts and countering commonly held falsehoods is not bitterness lady. It is making sure that more then one side of the story is addressed so that people not familiar with such things know better what is truth. If you want to vent then go ahead, but dam well realize it happens on both sides of the fence. If you think my bearing my soul or past is easy (in all likelyhood now making me undatable in the eyes of many) then think again. But if talking about reality instead of hiding it helps someone else realize they are not the only one who suffered in silence -- then you can call me whatever you want. I am willing to speak to a need for change. That is not bitterness IMHO. Peace.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 86 (view)

how come women initiate the breakup 80% of the time? Posted: 10/30/2009 12:50:57 PM
Colonel: Conversely, men just want sex with a woman but don't want to put in the effort to actually 'love' her. (think of porn magazines). Relationships between men and women don't work because men are innately lazy. Forgive us for not finding the majority of you sexy while you sit on your easy chairs and fart all night. LOL Maybe that is how men are in your social circle, but I do not think it is fair to the rest of the male race to believe that is how we think. As to putting in the effort to love a woman -- I think a lot of men have the same experience that I do. The more you love them or make their life better, the more they dislike you and run away. Seems like when you love a woman you insult her need for independence, and that usually spells game over for a large percentage of "modern" women and the view of the relationship. Part of why you may find men lazy is that we have learned being indifferent or stand-offish is the only way to get women to keep interest. Weird, but that has been the observation of me and my male friends. PS: For the record I do not own a easy chair and never have lol. It doesn't exactly say very much for the lovability of women these days that men prefer porn, as bad as it is, to the real thing. Sad but also true. I think many men are simply giving up on the idea of a happy, functional, loving relationship. There just seems to be no way to make it happen given the emotional instability and social demands of too many "modern" women. The search is very discouraging at times. (2) modern men have not kept up w women's needs, women have changed, and men have not adapted in a way acceptable to women? If so, why have men not changed, and further, is it realistic that they can? Is it feasible that they do so? Or would men lose more than they would gain by making the supposed needed changes? This is bunk. Women have changed for the worse. Men tried changing through the nineties and the "be nice" revolution in order to meet womens needs. Now women say we are wusses and not relationship material if we are "nice". Those of us who value deceny are treated like lepers. I know you will flame me for this -- but the bulk of modern social dating and relationship problems rest squarely on the shoulders of the modern female culture that says they can have it all, break all the rules (only men need rules), do whatever the hell they want, kick who evers azz they want, no consequences, and that they deserve love just because they are a woman. What a load of tweenie mentality foolishness. It is an immature view that has no place in a functional society. The pendulum has swung towards favoring women it seems, and far too many of them intend to keep it there. Time to let it go and grow up ladies. Either that or learn to be happy with your cats.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 94 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 10/30/2009 9:13:34 AM
@womaninprogress -- If you cannot fathom the problem with your attitude, then nothing I say will get through to you. Which is why I said earlier there is no point in trying to explain it to people who live by shallow views and selfish narcassistic beliefs. You seem to have no problem validating your shallow line of thinking by saying how you behave is normal. That by the way is the essense of what a narcassist is. If everyone on the planet thought as you did then we would be in deeper trouble. The fact that way too many people in western culture do think "that it doesn't matter" is why we are in this current cultural mess. And for the record I am not talking about people simply attracted to other folks. I am referring to the deeper problem how women have universally accepted that a preference for bad men is the norm. I don't buy into this "nice guy - bad guy" simplicity. It goes deeper then that. When I used to do volunteer work many years back I got to see the aftermath of women who consistantly chase bad boys and suffer for it. The way you think (apparent for more then just your posts on this thread) is exactly the kind of mindset that leads to the overall problem. It is the tip of a larger mental illness that female culture chooses, sanctions, and by and large wants more of. The truly sad thing is that this is becoming the norm now. The need for women to chase badboys is a mental illness. Until women are openly willing to embrace that fact then the problem will just continue to worsen. That the OP is trying to find ways to change her behavior in that regard is the one positive redeeming thing on this thread. BTW When the truth is seen as negative -- then you are living in a society that is doomed. History clearly shows that. Dealing with such truths openly is the only way to make the overall society we live in more positive and progressive for all. PS: That is the main difference between a real "realist" and a narcassist. A real realist accepts what is, but works to change what is destructive. A Narcassist just thinks this is normal, it benefits me, so who cares, why change it.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 85 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 10/29/2009 7:26:39 PM
You are beating up someone else for what works for her. We all have our preferences. I personally will not approach a man if there's nothing on his exterior that attracts me, but that's my PREFERENCE, and yes, I will kick him to the curb if his character is crap. I am not beating up on anyone. I am merely pointing out the hypocrisy that so many practice when they are so quick to point the finger at men and call US shallow. The unwillingness to acknowledge it means there is no way to have a sensible public discussion on it. Those who are that deluded will merely make excuses to justify their thinking. As to the bad decisions women make about bad boys, I am not going to bother reopening that debate as those who practice this kind of mate search are a hopeless cause. Sad that it means we have to write off such a large percentage of the female race because of this mental illness -- but there it is. It is a mental illness because it is a irrational compulsion to put oneself in a dangerous or hurtful situation by ones own choice. Nuff said on that.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 78 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 10/29/2009 9:58:32 AM
The only thing we can do as women is go for the looks and then don't plan to stay until you know what's beyond the looks. If the personality and lifestyle commonalities are also there, then he's a keeper. If he's missing traits we want, then we release and continue to look. That comment and several of the others by women on this thread are proof positive that your views are nothing more then mental illness and narcasissism at its worse. The very same behavior that women accuse men of, but have no problem practicing themselves. Yeah ok. Don't be surprised if any man with a brain passes you by. That is not passive-aggressive. That is stating a fact. But of course you will convince yourself otherwise, which in the grand scheme delusional thought is the trademark of women that think like you do and are simply not worth the grief of knowing. Something for you to consider. m_church -- spot on as usual.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 66 (view)

Location, location Posted: 10/28/2009 9:48:22 PM
Unfortunately in Nova Scotia there are more men then women, and far more social cliches then are apparent until you have lived here a while. That makes the entire going out to find someone a difficulty. Still the ratio of good to bad people is much higher when compared to target rich environments in Onterrible. Toronto in general is a horrible place to date. You find sheets of paper with more depth the the average dating pool there lol. Small towns are a write off for finding potential mates most times. But small cities like what you find in Atlantic Regions tend to be hubs of various social activities that allow people from small towns to easily get in on the dating urban or rural lifestyle -- depending on what you prefer. Would I move to find the right person? Yes I would and I have over the years. But the bigger question is would the other person move to suit you as well. If the answer is no then you had better think twice because you are probably going into a one sided relationship IMHO.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 79 (view)

Does Sex Change How you feel ? Posted: 10/28/2009 9:30:44 PM
I guess I am weird then because sex does change how I feel about a woman. You have to have respect for a woman bold enough to know what she wants in a sexual partner. In fact I find women who want sex on the first date are more no nonsense about such things, unless they are for instance drunk, stoned, etc. My best relationships have been with women like this. They may be shy wallflowers or polite around others, but then when they want me and dam what others think -- you really do have to admire someone like that on a certain level. The problem when it is that early in the game is picking someone with intentions of long-term loyalty compared to the ride em once and throw them away kind of women. Same problem women have in reverse I suppose. Well, the counselling is one thing, but I've found women to be much harsher and much more judgemental with regard to other women's sexuality than any man I've ever met. I suspect that the counselling the son hears will be tempered with how she talks about other women's sexuality within his hearing, not to mention by her actions That has been my observation as well. Women who are more open about what they want are hated by those with anxiety over what they want, or that suffer secret desires for what they want. It still amazes me how many women want to be secretly treated badly and thrown away. Says a lot of negative about the culture we have that women are raised to be this way. Certainly does not make for many healthy relationships.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 38 (view)

How to build chemistry with the nice guy after always going for the bad boy? Posted: 10/25/2009 5:23:52 PM
It scares me when thinking someone happiness is a story they create in thier mind. There is only peace in the mind -- not in the world. The rest is illusion. What scares me more is how many women think wanting a "bad boy" is ok. It just goes to show how unfit they are as companions, much less how unfit they are as human beings. It is the socially transmitted disease of the new world order. Too many times it results in needless death. Too bad the only vaccination for it is to become a victim one too many times. There is simply no rational way to have respect for women who think like this. As men we just have to learn to tolerate the problem until women learn to grow out of it. Probably not going to happen within our generation, but such is the slow speed of human evolution.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Statistics Posted: 10/25/2009 4:59:15 PM
Islam may be full of lunatics, but many of those hell-bent on murder are deluded regardless of religion. Religion allows them to justify the hatred as divine -- nothing more. Using divinity to justify murder is nothing new.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 71 (view)

I need some advice from survivors of childhood abuse for better relationship with guys Posted: 10/19/2009 3:46:02 PM
I will keep this brief as I don't want you to feel like you are being bombarded with pop psychology. Some of the people on the forums are well meaning, and those that tell you not to give up are probably speaking for hard earned experience. I am also a survivor of very very bad things, which was prompted me to become a counselor for suicide, addictions, and abuse victims many years back. I read your profile and posts -- and I do understand where you are coming from pretty well. But again, no one can diagnose these things completely from such limited information. You need to spend time with a "good" therapist. One that has survived also. There are many out there. This is not an uncommon situation. Most shrinks are messed up themselves, albeit they are well meaning. Simple therapists and counselors that specialize in these kinds of situational past experiences are a better avenue to start with. From reading your profile it is clear you have a vast interest in things philosophical and spiritual. This is not uncommon in survivors as for many such pursuits are a path for finding peace and to better understand the nature of ones own suffering and angst -- through the eyes of others that have turned pain into positive wisdom. In that regard miss you are on a good path. Your music and art pursuits gives you much solace and peace I imagine -- also good therapy worthy of continuing. As a few others have mentioned you sound pretty sane and balanced. I gather you are having doubts only because the recent events you view as failures have you questioning yourself. This is also not uncommon. Let me first start by saying that doubt is normal in survivors. But please do not put yourself into a tailspin over it by any means. Take a breather for a few weeks. Settle your mind. Try again. The important thing is to be aware of your patterns of negative choices that may lead you down the path of pain and grief to depression again. We don't want you going there or repeating those behaviors. You WILL find a man that is patient enough to wait out your early doubts and worries in regards to keeping a safe distance. I think a lot of female survivors trip themselves at this point because they think it is a question of their self-esteem or worth being too low. It is merely your sub-conscious mind and its habit of coping with similar fears. <div class="quote">farceur, Rossmc, thank you for sharing your opinions but at this point I'm not sure it's a good idea to even try to meet someone new when I still have some issues. I don't want to hurt any one's feelings any more by pushing him away and I don't want anyone to be involved in my problems. And to be more honest I doubt that I could find someone who is that understanding and patient enough to work on my issues together 'cause everyone is struggling with his/her own problems and I don't wanna add more problems to someone else's life. I strongly feel like I should stop thinking about dating or relationship stuffs at least for a while haha and work harder to find better solutions instead of covering and ignoring my problems, which I've been doing for so long. That is the worse thing you can do. It will make you feel weaker ....not stronger. There is a very old Daoist saying -- "The more you try, the more you fail." That is not a bad thing. It is simply the numbers. Eventually you will succeed. That too is the numbers. Determination to find a solution is crucial to your quest. Retreat and recharge if you feel tired, but do not let that become your normal state of being. Do not stop until you feel you have reached a plateau of happiness that makes you smile when you wake up in the morning. Nothing is absolute in life, but perfection and happiness is all around us if we choose to see it for what it is. You will find that at times you need solitude and isolation from the world as coping mechanisms. Do not be ashamed to be that way, or to doubt your ability to relate to others as a result. This is merely part of what you have to be to achieve a peace of mind and balance when you feel cornered. It does not mean you have a passive-agressive personality either. It just means you have found solace in peace before, and if it works for you then consider it a way to find peace again. Rejecting humanity in order to find peace is not a recommended course of therapy. When you meet new men you do not have to explain all of the details about any of it. Do not feel required to wear your life on your sleeve. All of that can wait until later on when you have a better understanding of where a relationship / friendship will go. It is important for you to take time in trusting someone. Do not believe modern pop psychology that says you should immediately trust anyone as soon as you meet them. You will find more strength in your dealings with others if you do not explain such things every time. I know that sounds odd, but sometimes wearing heart on sleeve is a negative habit we survivors unknowingly practice. Eventually you will surround yourself with a circle of friends and people you can trust at least 95% of the time. You will never trust anyone 100%, nor should you really. But it will get better. Eventually if you are lucky enough to find that 99.999% worthy mate then you will find the rest of your life and its happiness make you forget more and more about the past. When one morning you wake up and realize it was a distant memory -- then you can pronounce yourself cured. Much of life is about coping with our fears, failures, and loses. You sound like you have done pretty well on your own. A good therapist will simply help you find those answers in yourself when you get the equivalent of writers block (survivors block?). Then you will find it ok to go on with life again and be happy to have a few more misadventures. Good luck. Namaste.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

Are Relationships like poker?? Posted: 10/18/2009 6:43:20 PM
reason doesn't cancel out or supersede emotions and vice versa - it's not an either/or proposition - you can use BOTH logic and emotions when attempting to solve a problem or when looking at a situation False. Your view of things is why women usually make more pain and trouble for the whole equation then is required, and why most men do not bother getting in the argument in the first place. Women think emotions have a place in debate, when in most cases they are nothing more then what caused the problem in the first place. Emotions breed irrational thought. Emotions have no place in making rationale decisions. To think otherwise is set yourself up for failure. Sorry if you disagree -- but it is the truth.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Are Relationships like poker?? Posted: 10/17/2009 12:00:40 PM
@farceur - It's not like poker. It's like playing house. When girls play with dolls creating fantasy families, the dolls extend her personality, as vessels into which she projects her feelings. Then it follows in adult life she seeks the Relationship, and the man and children are living dolls. The only relating she does person to person is with other women. farceur - right on the mark as usual. I agree that 50% of the problem is the way females in western culture are raised. Even the women that grow out of that end up brainwashed as soon as they hit tweenie stage. Then their life is pretty much a simple railroad track approach to living ( alot of unnecessary smoke and steam and rattling noises ) until they hit later in life and question it all enough to become better people. Of course by then they do not want a family or kids, so it really makes settling down when young a hopeless modern conondrum. It is a shame really because women with unbearable emotional reliances tend to live a trainwreck life where there is no happiness without drama. I am just thankful there are still some women out there with more intelligence and awareness then to fall for the social conditioning garbage. Poker is a game of liars and cheats. Chess is a game of studying moves to know how to counter them. Neither is condusive to keeping long-term friends. Personally I think other people are more like solving puzzles. The 1000 piece ones are more interesting. The 10 piece ones combined with emotional instablity are just not worth the grief. Once you find the edge pieces on another person you pretty much know if finishing the project is worthwhile or not. The end picture is always worth it though. Namaste

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 42 (view)

Dated a Rapper, Athlete, Musician ...Any type of celebrity? or important person? Posted: 10/15/2009 7:23:36 PM
Grew up around celebrities. Worked in the movie industry for years and dated several now well known actresses. At one point, decided enough was enough and never dated an actress again (unless famous strippers count). Oh well. Humans are humans. You find good ones in the more hidden aspects of life, not in the common flow with the common herd. Sure some famous people are eccentrics and colourfull. Personally I found the actresses one extreme or the other -- super intelligent but arrogant, or super dumb and party animals. Neither makes good companions. There are always rare exceptions though.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 113 (view)

False I.D. to Proove We're Younger?? Posted: 10/11/2009 7:48:39 PM
Ageism is a reality. A lot of people fear it, even apparently the OP. The backlash and the judgmental behavior on these forums I think lend credence to that fear in some sense.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 63 (view)

For our Northern friends Posted: 10/10/2009 7:16:46 PM
You yanks haven't lived until you have had TurkMooseDucken.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 375 (view)

How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him? Posted: 10/10/2009 7:04:23 PM
Don't blame money- truth be known a sensitive, loyal, caring man can beat out any man with a ton of money. A positive sentiment Cindy, but few women will let a man prove he is caring, sensitive, loyal etc. Females are far to quick to judge a man on his flaws -- meaning he is condemned to singledom. Amongst the common things we are condemned for is not having a job, not having a home, not having the resource of money, etc etc -- hence the link to all things money. Men get tired of the game just as women do I am sure -- but the reasons for a man to stay single include being able to keep his money. Until those laws change I think you will find men very reluctant to commit to anything.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 288 (view)

Why are Americans so Anti Socialist? Posted: 10/9/2009 10:50:51 AM
"Competition breed poverty. Cooperation builds Nations. Trust fools and evil men to tell you otherwise." - RSC Sums it all up pretty well. Politicians know it is easier to sell someone to hate then someone to love. So they give the masses an enemy, and milk it. People become blind with the hatred, and thus can be told to believe pretty much anything. It has worked in the USA for the past sixty years so why would they stop using that forumula now?

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 112 (view)

Be careful what you wish for Posted: 10/9/2009 9:47:43 AM
The underlying ethical problem with this kind of thing is that we expect men to fulfill one role in society, and then turn around and fantasize about men doing the complete opposite to satisfy a womans private whim. While some will no doubt argue that this is "harmless fantasy" the fact and the aftermath of such things put into reality too often says otherwise. The problem is not that some women want the fantasy. The problem is the message it gives to young men and young women as to what is acceptable and what is not -- thus what they accept as a norm in the bedroom. Targeting that belief is exactly how some of these online predators are reeling in young women who lack the discretion to understand what they are getting into because of their own sexual curiosity. An example of this is the porn culture that makes money from selling the fantasy or the fetish. While we know that there are young people being used to make this kind of stuff, the demand for it outweighs the ethical consideration for the victims. That is why the porn industry is not going away any time soon, and need more controls on it. But that will not happen either because of the manner in which our modern society consumes it. Another example is that mentioned by an earlier poster. Namely that there is nothing to stop a woman from crying "rape" after the fantasy goes wrong, and then who is at fault? Well the courts are not going to do much of a job of separating fantasy whim from reality whim. Even if they did, the precedent set by such a decision would in all likelyhood legalize rape in certain circumstances. Exactly the kind of thing that predators want. Some are going to accuse me of complicating what they see as an otherwise simple issue -- but it is not simple. As I stated before I have no problem with consenting adults doing such things in private of their own place, but I do believe a sober second voice on this particular topic is missing. There are other eyes that will see this that do not understand the consequences, and will see only the thrill. Case in point I suspect, the last poster.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 62 (view)

The end of this 'nice guy' epic Posted: 10/8/2009 12:04:29 PM
Men are raised to believe that "nice" and "decent" are the same thing. They are not. Guys that flirt or charm women are usually lying and deceiptful *stards looking to get laided that night. Long ago these men learned to separate themselves from the herd by telling women what they want to hear -- like the fact that they are not really "nice guys". Either that or they act like total shtheads so as to stand out from the crowd. Sadly Real Decency has no value in modern times. Like self-sacrifice for the greater good the concept of decency as a practice is seen as a handicap. Decent people are harder to control, which those in control like governments do not want. Like Human Rights -- decency is bad for business so it is not an accepted norm. Only male culture in general still finds value in honor and respect, and even that is often twisted to serve evil men who want to make wars, steal others women or posessions, etc -- all in the name patriotism and loyalty -- a common nice guy failed belief. Women in general are not raised with the same values as men, so they do not get the honor thing at all. Decent people stand up for what is right -- like human rights and freedom. Such people are considered bad for any authoritarian or capitalistic society (like most western countries are) so therefore the powers that be frown upon anything that support independent decent beliefs. Women bought the conformist crap long ago because of their nature. Men tend to rebel against non-decent beliefs so to women the way they think about it day in and out has no obvious value. Men have to know right from wrong, so that they know what they are fighting over when they do fight. Women don't get that part either. So if you are a guy who is trying to be decent or do the right thing, then just go do it. Stop worrying about women think of it. The less you care about what women think of you, the more they are attracted to you, and the more good you can get accomplished without obsessing over women anyway. Women are taught not to respect what men think any more anyhow. It is part of their biological hardwiring and a big part of their social conditioning to self-abusive or martyr thought processes. Just accept it and modify your views on self-worth accordingly. It is not rocket science, just twisted modern human nature. Some women will get it. Most never will. Don't lose sleep over such things. <---- Pitchfork and hangin rope line forms at the left ladies

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Misrepresenting Posted: 10/8/2009 11:49:04 AM
When I used to actively date from this site a couple years ago I found the same problem. The misrepresenting comes from those people who are on here looking for positive attention, when they are probably lacking much of it in their lives. There are the women that are just lonely and are desperate to feel attractive, and then there are the women that want their ego stroked (along with other things -- not to be crude). There are a few other categories -- like married women seeking outlets. The most extreme one I ran into was a black woman pretending to be a white woman. That was a scary experience that required police intervention. You run into these kinds who are suffering deep seated psychological issues, that use the anonyomous nature of the internet to feed their need. Just throw the fish back and start again another day. There are good and honest people on here. They just like to be shy or hide their true selfs cause these days its considered shameful to be decent or boring -- same as in daily life.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Falling in love in community or online? Posted: 10/8/2009 10:52:43 AM
The point of the original post I think was that some people have to find "community" through other avenues then just where they live. Also within the body of a community where there is discussion and disagreement you can get a better overall sense of what ethics, views, and morals that some other potential friends/mates possess. You cannot judge how kookie someone is simply by reading their profile. But there are some very judgmental and hateful people who have turned up in the forums that looked interesting, but personally I would never even say hello to on the street with the way they see they world. I suppose it does help to weed out some who are immature, selfish, and self-centered.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 159 (view)

Okay, is turning 45 the worst or what? Posted: 10/8/2009 10:42:13 AM
I have no problem with aging personally, since I look younger then my age anyhow. Such is life. But I have noticed for the first time how horrifically bad agism there is since I have started to show a few gray hairs this past year. The attitudes in the workplace and in the social world are very discouraging. Doesn't fill me with much faith about humans or the way young kids today today will accept the inevitable.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 79 (view)

False I.D. to Proove We're Younger?? Posted: 10/8/2009 10:18:25 AM
I guess I am weird because I do not get the need to be so obsessed with age in relationships. I have known women who are 33 that look 60 (smoking to blame there mostly) and those in their 50s who look 33, and were twice as healthy -- so really it is foolishness. If people think lying about their age is going to disguise their lack of fitness and attitudes about health -- then they are sorely mistaken. They dont have to be very cute not-nurses to be attractive in the minds eye. Least in my humble opinion.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 105 (view)

FANTASY RAPE Posted: 10/7/2009 6:39:44 PM
Dude! It's fantasy and for some, a way for them to step out of their normally regimented lifes and have that control taken away from them. This isn't the type that involves some smelly, nasty dude in an alley but between two consenting adults who have a trusting relationship. You know I do get the fact that some women greatly enjoy being pinned down strongly and ravaged. Being made to reach orgasm over and over again until they cannot take it anymore, but cannot stop it because their body wants one thing and their mind something else. Or simply the lust drive to be overpowered cavewoman style and not feel guilt or shame over having such a strong need for pleasure or release. Women having this kind of primal compulsion is not the problem. My advice to women is do not seek primal sexuality from primates. That is where the real troubles for a woman will begin, yet that is the path women who want this will take. Don't deny it happens because I have witnessed it in bars over and over, where women make poor judgments and take home men who are single-syllabel knuckle draggers. When women promise these men something and then scream "rape" when they get something else -- surprise surprise, the society will view her mistake differently. I would rather see a woman confide in a male they can trust to not go overboard, then to end up another statistic just because their loins want something. If there is one rule I have found to be true with this kind of belief it is that those who are try to control every aspect of their lives often want to be out of control in the bedroom. Those who feel their life has no control want to exert that control on force in the bedroom. This is often the basis of BDSM relationships too. The implications and risks to men in this kind of situation cannot be understated. For a woman who admits to wanting to be treated this way there is also a risk, but no where near the risk or legal ramificatons that men face. Just use some common sense ladies for cripes sake. Being out of control does not mean you can pass off responsibility or consequences for what you want. Don't become a victim.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 402 (view)

Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that? Posted: 10/6/2009 8:33:53 PM
maybe i'm too uncomplicated?...lol Actually Daffie I don't think that is a bad thing. There are certainly older women out there who think they are boring to be around and want to constantly prove otherwise. I sometimes wonder how much of that is self-esteem or more likely understanding of being valued even though they are simple in their way of looking at life. Same thing with making life too busy or complicated. Most of us already have the latter and don't need any extra that way. The bottom line is happiness and I really do not understand why so many people think otherwise. Perhaps we are all too programmed to the contrary. The underlying message in the media is that older is bad, and youth is to be prized -- which to me is a betrayal of the old social morale that values wisdom. personally...i don't want or need anything, (edit on above statement...he must be sensual and fun) Sensual, open, and content to just breathe are all pluses. Often underated. I am a Tantric Daoist in practice so you do not have to explain that to me.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 98 (view)

RAPE IS NOT FANTASY Posted: 10/6/2009 7:42:02 PM
No one has portrayed real rape as "not a big deal" in this thread. We are talking about the fantasy version. I think you are really missing the point of my post. Making such things fantasy is a living adage of "be careful what you wish for". There is far too much real rape justified because of these kind of discussions. There are immature minds out there that read this stuff and do not distinguish so easily, just because that is what some women say that is what they want. This is nothing more then promotion of "No does not mean No" mentality. As to what label to use for it, well it is a woman's fantasy. Perhaps you should ask women to come up with a consensus on any new name. The Japanese and a few other cultures have names for it, but I will leave that for you to research.

eyeofthecamera

Joined: 4/17/2009

Msg: 400 (view)

Older fit men shunning older fit women and chasing 25 year olds??? What's with that? Posted: 10/6/2009 7:27:03 PM
Older men who are fit make me more nervous than other men. You can never tell what they really want. The double-standard is in full play with this problem. No matter how far the women's movement has come, women are still viewed as old while older men are viewed as distinguished. They look at younger women because they know it's possible to still get one. While older women rarely get a younger man for anything more than just a sexual fling. Wow I have to disagree with you on that. Personally I have always found older women easier company. I always used to think older intelligent and sensual women were far better catches even when I was in my 20s. Had a few close lady friends at that time who were in their late 40s and 50s. I used to think Germaine Greer was sexy :-) but them maybe I am a odd ball. Not the exception though as I know other guys who have lived the same kind of life and seem happier for it. Younger women are all lies, hate, and drama. Not worth the grief. Older women are better choices because they are more content with who they are as they get up past 35-40, and even more so in the 50 range. You can actually be a friend with them and not worry (most times) about foolish hidden agendas. The older women who are black widows tend to be a little more obvious about their intentions -- so it is easier to steer away from them. Older women also seem to appreciate a man who can curl their toes and make them purr a lot more honestly than the young women ever do. There is certainly a lack of spiritual connection amongst the young ( no vampire movies and wicca is not a spiritual connection -- sorry 20 somethings). The young ones always have some stupid idealogy on relationships according to what Cosmo or Playgirl says that month -- which makes them hopeless in my eyes. If there was more maturity then the age difference would not matter, but I have very very rarely found any. BTW The "older men viewed as distinguished" is more a woman's point of view and belief. Men rarely see each other that way. A man who has lived a long time and has sound wisdom to deal with his experiences is more distinguished then some money grubbing hawk or power crazed psycopath that wants women and everyone else to kiss his rear. That kind of person is only "a man" in the eyes of foolish women. the tricky thing is getting a date with someone you really fancy... Yes but what does an older woman fancy? Some want a sensual man to make up for years of lousy days in the bedroom. Some want a rich man to shower them with gifts and show them the world. Some just want a man to bring them breakfast. It is communicating that which complicates an older womans search -- IMHO.

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