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Nice guys finish last is a sad truth...
Posted: 5/18/2009 2:04:42 PM | Hi. I'm right there with you. I still haven't been able to get over being "The Nice Guy" or "The Friend". I am working on something though. It's kind of like a code of conduct called The Four Agreements.
I'm not going to go into detail, as that is not what this forum is for, but the second and third agreements are the most relevent. The second one says: "Don't take anything personally." Now I know this is hard to do when it's somebody you love, but her thoughts, opinions and actions are solely the product of her view of reality. They actually have nothing to do with you, and you are not responsible for them...even when it seems like it is. If you accept responsibility for them, then you will always feel bad, as they are not under your control.
The third agreement is: "Don't make assumptions." If you actually want to know what another person is thinking or feeling...ask. Don't assume that you already know. Also, if you have some wants or needs that aren't being met, don't assume that others will or even should automatically know what you want or need. With those assumptions, you can't be happy, as they lead to expections that can be dashed. Without them, there are no expectations, and you can focus on enjoying the present without disappointment.
I know not everybody will agree with this, and that is find. They have helped me gat a handle on my life, however, so maybe they can help you. For more information, you can Google "The Four Agreements"., and if you have any questions or want to discuss it, feel free to drop me a line. | | | |
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