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Thread: Funny Poem "A glimpse at life 'over the hill'.

Joined: 4/22/2009

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Funny Poem "A glimpse at life 'over the hill'. Posted: 7/20/2009 1:28:45 PM
Introduction Show your man who is really the boss! Who's In Control Each evening we settle to watch the TV, to see all the 'soaps' would be heaven for me. I guess all the cliffhangers and love every one, but in the middle of 'Corrie' I see BBC1 ! A 'Question of Sport' he's just got to see, to keep up to date with the sport on TV. So we watch it together and one thing I know, is that 10 minutes later, over it'll go. To another sports channel to check on the score, cause he can't remember if he's checked it before ! His feet on the footstool, his tea by his side, his digital telly is like his new bride! Hundreds of channels for him to see, but one of those evenings I wish he'd see me! He knows every button and what they can do, he read all the info, added more channels too! So I tape all my soaps, for what else can be done? and watch them at bedtime when he's looking for fun. He says I can keep them until the next day, for now it is bedtime and he's ready to play! But soaps are an important part of my life, and if I get a spare minute, I'll act like a wife!!!!! Copyright; Angela Convery

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Bar Joke Posted: 5/27/2009 9:43:08 AM
One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys in five different cars before he found his. Then he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone else left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy.”

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Bar Joke Posted: 5/27/2009 9:41:58 AM
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden -- WHACK!! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

0 to 200 in 6 seconds Posted: 5/25/2009 3:57:31 PM
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

The bride tells her husband Posted: 5/25/2009 10:24:39 AM
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again." Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence, OKAY!

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

A Really Bad Day Posted: 5/25/2009 10:20:58 AM
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." "I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Memorial Day Poem Posted: 5/25/2009 10:17:51 AM
I stand Before You by ©2001 Roger J. Robicheau (Sp 5, US Army) The Poetic Plumber **************** I stand before you all today But not one eye can see my way My time arrived, to leave this earth A fact so planned, to every birth It happened where I had to go My torch for life was so aglow I transferred while in uniform Protecting freedom, through a storm Should I resent I died for you Not on my life, red white and blue Please help my family through each day Tell all my friends, try not to stray And of the country I did love Do think of me, through God above Your memories, brought forth this day Send love to us, who could not stay

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Memorial Day Poem Posted: 5/25/2009 10:08:19 AM
No, Freedom Isn't Free I watched the flag pass by one day. It fluttered in the breeze. A young Marine saluted it, And then he stood at ease. I looked at him in uniform So young, so tall, so proud, With hair cut square and eyes alert He'd stand out in any crowd. I thought how many men like him Had fallen through the years. How many died on foreign soil? How many mothers' tears? How many pilots' planes shot down? How many died at sea? How many foxholes were soldiers' graves? No, freedom isn't free. I heard the sound of taps one night, When everything was still I listened to the bugler play And felt a sudden chill. I wondered just how many times That taps had meant "Amen," When a flag had draped a coffin Of a brother or a friend. I thought of all the children, Of the mothers and the wives, Of fathers, sons and husbands With interrupted lives. I thought about a graveyard At the bottom of the sea Of unmarked graves in Arlington. No, freedom isn't free. ©Copyright 1981 by CDR Kelly Strong, USCG (Ret).

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

I think I need some advice from you guy! Posted: 5/23/2009 10:51:34 AM
I also found that if a person is ALWAYS agreeing with me about EVERYTHING, they are the ones that try to please everyone. I don't think anyone should sway from their beliefs "just because". agree with you on this one

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

I think I need some advice from you guy! Posted: 5/23/2009 10:49:43 AM
So I vote for writing him off and if your a hottie, sending me some nakey pics. To show your appreciation, for this platinum advice you are funny

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

I think I need some advice from you guy! Posted: 5/23/2009 9:51:59 AM
Good New! I took the bull by the horn, threw questions at him. "What's up dude" what's da problem" wanna talk it out? and there was no problems at all, (well that what he said anyway) he needs time to digests how to handle a woman who was able to disagree with him and she was right in doing so. I guess that he wasn't use to be wrong in his point of views My guess, his egos was a little dent He is a lovely person, but hey no one is perfect!, I just have to be more gentle with my approach next time Problem solves Thanks Guys for all the suggestions, you guys are awesome

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

I think I need some advice from you guy! Posted: 5/23/2009 7:47:34 AM
Hi emram that what I am afraid off

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

I think I need some advice from you guy! Posted: 5/23/2009 7:46:21 AM
To be a bit more specific I listens to his point of view, but he didn't listens to mine I am not a type of person who sweat the small stuff, but he seems to be the opposite. I am thinking of having him has his way (pretended that he was right and I am wrong) but it against my judgment. As someone here said that we can agree to disagree I am going to wait and see if he would come around, if not oh well ! there are plenty of fishes in the sea :)

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

I think I need some advice from you guy! Posted: 5/23/2009 7:03:44 AM
Okay, I am talking to someone and might be meeting someone soon, (from a different website though unfortunately) I like his attitude, personality etc., so far he seems to be a very reasonable person well until few days ago. I talked to him over the phone and we exchanged ideas and we were totally opposite from each others and that seems to put him off. Now he is not talking to me. Each one of us believe in certain ways and no one should force his or her believes in others ..and I didn't I listened to his and he listened to mine and now it seems he didn't like how I thinks. By the way, it wasn't even a big things, just a good debate about world history and politics etc., So what should I do, lets it go until he comes around or writes him of my book for being silly

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Joke of the day Posted: 5/22/2009 12:12:52 AM
A man walks up to a guy behind a counter and says, "Lemme have some grits and an RC cola." The guy behind the counter looks at him and says, "You must be from Georgia." Indignant, the man says, "What kind of a stereotypical remark is that? If I ordered a sausage would you think I was Polish?" "No" "If I asked for some chow mein, would you think I was Chinese?" "No" "Then why the hell would you think I'm from Georgia?" "This is a hardware store."

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Love Poem Posted: 5/22/2009 12:05:59 AM
Some friend comes, some friends go, but I will be your friend and we will let it grow. From times to times, we will get mad, but we will forgive and be glad. If we were friend forevermore, I will be your friend, what else could you asked for. ***************************************************** I'd like to be the kind of friend that you have been to me; I'd like to be the special help, that you've been glad to be. I know I'm blessed for only God Can make a friend like you; You know just how to cheer me up Whenever I feel blue. Could I but have one wish fulfilled, This one only would it be.... I'd like to be the kind of friend You've always been to me.

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Love Poem Posted: 5/21/2009 11:57:28 PM
I love you ...oh, so very much, I'll carved it on a tree. I want to tell a whole wide world, How much you mean to me. I think my trusty pocketknife, has made my message plain. And best of all it won't wash off, In case we have some rain. My love will grow as years go by, and when we're old and grey We can come and look again, at what I've carved today.

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Joke of the day Posted: 5/21/2009 10:30:25 PM
a wealthy benefactor was visiting the local hospital when, during her tour of the floors, she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating. "Oh, my goodness!" said the lady. "That's disgraceful, Why is he doing that?" The doctor leading the tour explained. "That man has a very serious condition where the testicles rapidly fill with semen. If he doesn't do that five times a day, they'll explode, and he'll die within minutes." "Oh my, that's awful," said the lady. In the next room was a female nurse performing oral sex on a different male patient. "Oh, my God!" said the lady. "Now how do you justify that?" The doctor replied. "Same illness, better health plan."

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

whats up with all the grumpy women Posted: 5/21/2009 10:11:30 PM
Not all women are the same you know, having said that, women and men are not that far apart, some are reasonable, some are not, some are offensive, some are not. it all depends on the day, you might get a kind women on Monday but angry one on Tuesday, all you have to do is to keep track which day is better than other (just kidding)

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Wisdom That guide my way Posted: 4/26/2009 10:30:34 AM
Thank you for your comment loneladywolf (cool nickname)

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

A Mother's Day Poem for All Posted: 4/25/2009 9:46:32 PM
....Mother's day is approaching.... .... here is the poem for all outthere... ...Happy mother's day... ******************************** Come In Come in, but don’t expect to find, All dishes shone, all floors shines. Observe the crumpled rug, the toys galore, The smugly fingerprinted door. The little one we shelter here, Don’t thrive on spotless atmosphere. They more inclined to disarray, and carefree, even messy play. There needs are great, their patience small, All day, I’m at their beck and call. Its “Mommies come!” “Mommies see!” wiggly worms and red scraped knee. Painted pictures, blocks piled high, My floor un-shined, the toys go by. Some future day, they’ll flee this nest, And I, at last, will have a rest. And which really matters more? A happy child or a polished floor. Author Unknown

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Wisdom That guide my way Posted: 4/25/2009 8:32:01 PM
I wrote this poem in my language and have translated to English. I wrote when I was in a self-pity mood but didn't last long. but i love it anyway ...Before.... It's always....us.... It's always....love.... For...you ...and...me... Never...thought... That our love would come to the end... ...Today.... It's not...us...anymore.... It's just... you...and...me... On a different road that...so far apart... With both.. you...and...me... Never ...thought... That two roads will be back... To be ...one...again... comment is helpeful

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 779 (view)

Introduce Yourself Here.... Posted: 4/25/2009 8:13:37 PM
Hello I am new here Today is my first day that I can post Just want to say Hi! to everyone! Hope to get to know many more friends

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

security vs happiness Posted: 4/25/2009 8:09:35 PM
When I was young, I often watched my uncle and his family built multi million dollar home, have tons of money but never really had a chance to really enjoyed what they have He and his wife worked very hard to built all the materials thing, they started at 5:00am in the morning and never get home until 7:00pm at night, they ate, slept and had a house fully decorated. The house which whenever I visited, it felt cold and empty. Then I looked at my mom and dad. We had a little house beside the river, lots of pets (dogs, cats, birds, rabbits,) cow and chicken, Our house was small but it was full of laughter and happiness, so much love and wonderful time and full of adventure each day I told myself then and I told myself now, that I would never be like my uncle and his family. I would rather be with someone who has so little but live a happy life instead of someone who have so much but live only little

Joined: 4/22/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

"Wisdom" That guide my way Posted: 4/25/2009 7:36:42 PM
I live my life each day by this poem "TODAY" Outside my window, a new day I see and only I can determine what kind of a day it will be. It can be busy and sunny, laughing and gay, or boring and cold, unhappy and grey. My own state of mind is the determining key, for I am only the person I left myself to be. I can be thoughtful and do all I can to help, or be selfish and think just myself! I can enjoy what I do and make it seem fun, or gripe and complain and make it hard on someone. I can be patient with those who may not understand, or belittle and hurt them as much as I can. But I have faith in myself, and believe what I say, and I personally intend to make the best of each day.

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