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inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

wondering what girls really see Posted: 10/8/2009 12:28:56 AM
It is hopeless. Delete your profile. At least the first paragraph --its too nice, too sweet. Girls don't want a wimpy sweetie pie in their bed or in their lives. Most want a man. A funny, confident man that doesn't tell her what he thinks she wants to hear. Women are much smarter than that, and they can see self proclaimed nice guys who only want to get in her pants from a mile away. Be your own man with no apologies. Then let her know she interests you...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

a coward living a lie Posted: 10/8/2009 12:16:49 AM
You're a man who knows what he feels but treasures the friendship more than pursuing something that won't happen and would end the friendship. I'd say, you're an adult. So right ... You're not a coward -- shoot youre brave as heck for hanging in there. Don't cut her loose -- its great having quality people in your life. But being with her almost every day is a mistake. Admit that you're doing it so she can finally realize what a big mistake she's making by not picking you to be the love she's been waiting for all her life. If she had the balls to tell you point blank that its a no, then it ain't gonna change! Ever... Stay her friend that you talk to every once in awhile, don't answer every one of her contacts (meaning: ignore her sometimes), get busy with other things, and Date Others. You'll not change her mind if you're in her face all the time-- The only way she might realize how great you are is by her missing you from afar. If you really want to understand her perspective, try to find someone that loves you more than you like them, then you'll understand... So much more fun, and easier on the soul when the feeling is mutual.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

why do girls think all guys want is sex? Posted: 10/7/2009 11:58:33 PM
They're a paradox -- they really want someone to rock their world in bed, they want to be adored and cared for, yet they don't want you to think it until you're there. They also don't want to be hit on unless you're the absolute perfect guy for them, yet they don't really know who that perfect guy is... I used to think that I wanted to show a woman I liked that I was the nicest guy she'd ever met, and that she would want to be with me because I was so nice. So I did nice things, said nice things, gave nice gifts, noticed nice things about her -- what a mistake! While you're doing that, they're thinking "this guy wants to have sex with me, because he's acting so nice," but it creeps them out. It seems like thats just another way to impress them, yet they don't want to be impressed, they want to be with someone that's real. I've found if you show you want to be with them yet you can live without her and you have options, then you're released from trying to impress her with "niceness", and she'll realize maybe this man doesn't want to be with her -- why the hell not? Its not a game--its an attitude that you're your own man and don't need to give up yourself to get her. OP -- if girls are always thinking --or expressing to you -- that all you want is sex, then change your pattern of talking to them. Be the fun guy who just happens to want to talk to her right now -- be brave enough to say something that maybe she won't like..

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

The soft blow off, how do you handle it? Posted: 10/7/2009 6:45:33 PM
" I don't think this is a love connection" --doesn't get much softer!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

So I am seeing this guy.... Posted: 10/7/2009 6:42:40 PM
You both blew it. Neither of you could express how much fun you were having and that maybe it could go on under the guise of no strings (wink, wink - oh aren't we naughty!) when there might have been something there. He just beat you to the punch in the game of Who Could Care Less, and maybe you wish it was you who ended it? That said, he was pretty darn tacky~

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

I think I'm in love... am I crazy? Posted: 10/6/2009 6:23:27 PM
Enjoy it while it lasts Evil Muska... You sound far more infatuated than she is, and she may be smiling just because of the ego boost of having another great guy (you) being so good to her after her previous boyfriend. Give it time and don't be so available. You say you want to WORK at this? That's going to mean you living your life and not spending too much time with her. Make her work for it a little too, or you'll be out soon. Keep being the guy she likes but don't turn all sweet and mushy to get her to like you -- let her know you want to be more than 'just friends' eventually. You will have to stand strong and be totally unaffected by her testing that is guaranteed to come. Just be that great guy, and be the man. Much easier said than done when you're infatuated. Going slow will be fun for her and torture for you--make her miss you!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Great first date .. Then Poof Posted: 10/5/2009 1:03:27 PM
he won the lottery, was hit in the head, he couldn't find anything to wear, he had NO money, his ex called, you said something that scared him, his car broke down, he lost his job, he overdosed, he eloped to Vegas, he was at a Star Wars triple feature, he got caught up in an 'act of God', he was arrested, his doggie died, his boyfriend came back into his life, you had a booger under your nose all night, his redneck past came back to haunt him, a tree fell on him, the mall had a sale, its was a holiday in his religion, his vocal cords were ripped out, his sister needed him, his computer crashed, his phone was turned off, Obama called him for an emergency meeting, his Psych term paper was due, he was pulling people out of a fire, can you say 'tidal wave?', Doesn't really matter, sweetie -- he's an uncommunicative dirty dog... good to know now!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 70 (view)

Confessing Your Needs Posted: 10/1/2009 6:44:37 PM
OP, you seem to have a structured mind. If you find a man who seems equally as structured and scheduled, then I'd go with divulging your needs early in the relationship -- maybe the second date. You'll waste less time and be able to move on to another candidate. But more than half the world is less structured in their thinking about love. Needs and desires should unfold naturally as the friendship/love progresses. Not all at one time. And brought out for maximum impact at the right time. I used to kid a friend who would want to discuss needs, wants, and goals with a date all at one sitting, and I told him she probably felt he was 'taking inventory'. I'm not a stockboy, and if I was, inventory would be the least interesting part of the job. Different strokes... This thread just begs, no SCREAMS -- what are your needs? We all want to know!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 58 (view)

Gentlemen - this works ... Posted: 10/1/2009 6:23:38 PM
Yes -- and the entire Asian culture is trained to not look in the eyes -- For me, I don't like to look directly into the eyes for a long period of time unless we are in bed. Anywhere else, I'll look away alot to observe and find something for both of us to notice, but when we make eye contact I try to make it count. The best tip I've heard is to be able to remember what color her eyes are afterward and be able to describe them, so you really study them when you're 'there'.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

I can act like a man - You make me feel like a man Posted: 10/1/2009 6:08:21 PM
Couldn't agree more ... The women who enjoy you being the man are the most fun. They look more beautiful, you feel more manly and handsome -- and virile. There are those that enjoy you being a boy, and try like heck to gain control, and that is no fun. And there are very few in between!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 79 (view)

First POF date. Epic fail. Posted: 9/29/2009 6:02:24 AM
OP, I'll go shopping with you and call you later-- I've read all your posts here and I don' t think you did anything wrong except the call after to him. It was sweet, but sounds like it was an apology call, and I think its always a better idea to assume they like you the way you are and act like they like you, too. You may have seemed needy right off the bat if you called and he thought "Wow, she's apologizing and acting like her kid is a problem -- is the kid a problem? I don't want to know". Having a kid and wanting to take care of your child is no reason to apologize -- to the right guy, its a huge plus. Too bad, but he wasn't the right guy if he hasn't called back. Next time promise to go shopping with him for him. Shopping can actually make a good date!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 31 (view)

Meeting her other suitors? - wtf Posted: 9/18/2009 7:26:47 PM
Wow, she's funky. Was she obviously enjoying the drama she created? If it was me, I'd have asked the other dude if he'd like to see the next costume change -- into her birthday suit -- in front of her with a laugh. See what she does. Would have made it an interesting night instead of her seeing you twist in the wind. Either way, she ain't GF material -- the amount of happiness you would enjoy with her would be: ....zero...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 51 (view)

What kinds of things make a guy bond with a woman... Posted: 9/12/2009 9:17:37 PM
No sorry , as regards to bonding, total naive and stupid acceptance of poor behaviour is NOT the way to go, IMO GW -- then what? You cough up a naaaaah, then don't offer up some insight? The women in my life I've bonded to have accepted me as a person, a human who makes mistakes -- of course, nobody's perfect... if she's trying that's half the battle. I can understand not even wanting to bond to a guy that revels in his constant and consistent bad behavior. That seems to be so sexy to so many women, though, and bonding to men like that can be super elusive. If it happens, though, it would be through acceptance, not judgemental scorn and haughty complaining. What I'm talking about is acceptance of the good and bad behavior of a 'regular' guy. Alot of the bad behavior comes out from being tested by their woman, too you know -- All you girls do it. Its the gals that trash any behavior that's not acceptable and never let their man forget it that get left with extreme prejudice.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 41 (view)

What kinds of things make a guy bond with a woman... Posted: 9/12/2009 8:14:56 AM
One word -- acceptance. As we are, not how you want us to be. If you are judging us, then we can't be ourselves, and you'll miss all the good inside us, If you can accept us the way we are -- with our lack of memory of everything you say, with our lack of all the money you'd like to spend, with our lack of movie star looks, with our friends, with our bad habits, with our good habits, with our need for sex, with our ambition or lack of ambition, etc. Accept us as ourselves without giving up your own self. And if you can do it so that we trust you, because so many of us have bonded to a woman, loved her, and then been deceived by her, and we're on the lookout for THAT not happening again. So accept our seeming lack of commitment, because we lose so much when we bond. ...then you could easily bond with a man.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

What is wrong with some of you guys, I just dont get it... Posted: 9/11/2009 12:53:38 PM
OP, your mentioning 'setting the tone' stuck out to me. He was showing you what he might do, but you don't have to follow that lead. I think you've got be your own woman and do what you want to do. Maybe when he texted you so much that first time he was in the mood for texting, and obviously he wasn't when you did the same to him. He wasn't "setting the tone" at first, but it sounds like you took it to be what was to always be expected, and you ran over him with it. Texting is no way to keep a relationship -- there is no tone in the messages. Its great for friends keeping up with each other but not when love is involved. Keep most of your texts to yourself when you're in a relationship -- call or visit instead.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 71 (view)

10 things I hate about you. Posted: 9/9/2009 11:00:00 PM
How is this not a pity thread? I have a lot to learn about the forums. Are you kidding? Its cleansing... Try it! Either that, or put on that permanent happy face that we can see through... You can forgive, but that doesn't mean you forget.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 55 (view)

10 things I hate about you. Posted: 9/3/2009 9:24:47 PM
Wow -- this is great. So sad, but there are some REAL emotions here. I hate that we lived in three different homes that we didn't make love in I hate that you lied about how many times you were married before we married I hate that you spent our company into unbelieveable debt and killed it. I hate that you told our baby sons not to kiss their dad on the lips I hate you called me at work and said you were leaving with the babies so many times I hate that you left me in debt up to my eyeballs I hate that you absolutely MUST appear wealthy I hate that you pick your friends by how wealthy and powerful they are I hate how demeaning you are to the less fortunate I hate that we had two repos and almost a foreclosure you while you were applying to join the country club I hate that I have to deal with you at all for the rest of my life because of our children I love the fact that your relatives like me and trust me more than you. I love that my boys love me despite your trashing of me to them I love that I have had great sex since my 8 years of no loving with you I love that I never cheated on you and the boys I love that I broke it off with you and I filed I love that I love myself again AAAaaaahhhhh! that's better... This aint no pity party, this is rock and roll!!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

could someone interpret this, please Posted: 9/3/2009 8:47:17 PM
I think you all have it wrong-- The only reason he told you he even touched her was to hurt you. If he cared, he wouldn't have said anything about what they 'did', and just broken it off. He wanted you to have that picture of the two of them together -- nice guy. I'm not saying you should lie about an affair, but to use it at the end of your relationship as 'truth' is twisted. He's not conflicted, not confused. He's been looking to find a way to make a clean break , Susanna helped him and he broke it off with you in a very ungentlemanlike way and not respectful of you. Pray for Susanna -- he's her problem now... Give me space = its over forever

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 778 (view)

David Deangelo Double Your Dating - Any feedback? Posted: 9/3/2009 8:22:15 PM
OH SNAP! he put out some new shyt talking about keeping a woman long term. So do ya'll think that has any merit? Well then take it with a grain of salt. Shoot any woman he knows is going to be superskeptical of him -- I bet he has a hard time keeping a woman because she doesn't trust him. But for us peons, his info is useful as heck. Usually when a man is romancing a woman he's doing all the right things to attract her. They eventually get married and as stupid and lazy as we men can be, we stop being that dude that tickled her fancy. All Dave says is keep being the dude -- what's wrong with that? Candy and flowers after she's left you for another guy with a bigger better deal is too late, Snapper!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 58 (view)

Dating a New Girl...Need Some advice Posted: 9/3/2009 4:15:39 PM
OP --- I feel for you , man -- loving someone else more than you love yourself is tough.. It sounds like you are trying too hard to please her. When she got the flowers, she probably thought you might want 'something' in return, when you thought you were just being nice. When you have the attitude that you want to show a girl that you are the nicest guy she's ever met and she should love you because you're so nice, then you're in for disappointment. She probably wants fun as opposed to nice favors where she thinks you expect sex in return. You want some confidence? Say things to her that she might not like but are the way you really feel because its you being real. Stop saying things to please her. I think women want real -- not a guy trying to please her. And one big rule for confidence -- Always act like they like you. Never express doubt that she might not like you as much as you like her --ever. Just say and do things with her under the assumption that she likes you -- always -- before during and after you're with her. If you remember that one thing, it will help. Then you can also be yourself and really have fun. And make a rule that you don' t contact her more than once every two or three days. Give her a chance to miss you!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Holding on despite other interest Posted: 9/3/2009 3:53:45 PM
I assume you're hanging on because you had a connection with this object of your affection. Connections are important and can't be taken lightly, yet it hasn't gone past that stage. May not ever. Don't forsake other sweet women for this. Date others and keep in touch with her and maybe you'll meet her, but don't save yourself for her. There's not enough there to save yourself for. It may make you more attractive to her if you're dating others anyway. Right now she might think you're kind of pathetic for hanging on after six months of not seeing her. Go have some fun closer to home...JMO

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Persistance can wear a girl down til she gives in - Does it work for guys? Posted: 9/3/2009 3:43:31 PM
Sure it will work if you do it with your eyes open. If he gets really annoyed with the attention, then back off. But if he obviously likes it, continue. Men are so used to pursuing that it would be refreshing. But, if he's not into you then get ready for some disappointments along the way. He'll try to throw you off track. The 'creepy' factor that women feel when a guy you don' t like pursues you works the same way for guys. They may think you're stalking them or you're off your rocker -- so don' t overdo it.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 123 (view)

Unemployed and lost home... Posted: 9/2/2009 8:38:38 PM
I lost my job in May and after 16 weeks of hell in a job market overloaded with others looking for work, I've taken a retail job at much less than I was making, and I was a teacher! So far, it sure keeps me away from those who couldn't care less and makes me realize who my real friends are -- a beautiful thing. Shoot--once you're down, there's only way to go --up!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Is this true? Posted: 8/27/2009 4:46:05 PM
You are an old man & you think bs like this is great!!!!! Oh gosh, I live in a different world than you. I think this is , ummm what's the word I am looking for umm STUPID! Sheesh--thank you very much. I'm not THAT old! I'm no troll, but as soon as I read this, I knew it would get some great reactions. I wanted my 60 seconds back, too-- I do think its great, in an undying-romance-until-you-wake-up kind of way, expecially the one about following her when she walks away mad -- talk about asking for trouble...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Is this true? Posted: 8/27/2009 1:11:02 PM
Just saw this on a woman's profile and thought it was great -- would you ladies agree with all this? When she walks away from you mad (Follow her) When she stare’s at your mouth (Kiss her you idiot) When she’s quiet (Ask her whats wrong, but not a billion times when she says nothing) When she ignores you (Give her your attention) When she pull’s away (Pull her back) When you see her at her worst (Tell her she’s beautiful) When you see her start crying (Just hold her and don’t say a word) When you see her walking (Sneak up and hug her waist from behind) When she’s scared (Protect her) When she lay’s her head on your shoulder (Tilt her head up and kiss her) When she steal’s your favorite shirt (Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night) When she tease’s you (Tease her back and make her laugh) When she doesn’t answer for a long time (Reassure her that everything is okay) When she look’s at you with doubt (Back yourself up) When she say’s that she like’s you (She really does more than you could understand, completely true) When she grab’s at your hands (Hold her’s and play with her fingers) When she bump’s into you (Bump into her back and make her laugh) When she tells you a secret (Keep it safe and untold) When she looks at you in your eyes (Don’t look away until she does) When she misses you (She’s hurting inside) When you break her heart (The pain never really goes away) When she says its over (She still wants you to be hers)

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

why are some women so strange Posted: 8/27/2009 5:28:47 AM
You weren't a jerk-- she was~~ She's insecure -- very insecure. Maybe recently hurt -- stay away...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

celibacy in late life Posted: 8/26/2009 4:40:38 PM
Throwing in the towel at 50 -- not for me! OP, I think you're thinking too much about it. Being chaste is a respectable choice for a young girl who is worried about her reputation, but at our age if you can have anything life-affirming regardless of if its with someone that you'll be with until you die or if its short term then you shouldn't cut off that possibility. This coming from a man I'm sure will be taken with a grain of salt. But as a human, I hope to find love either fleeting or permanent --preferably permanent-- and keep looking for it until I'm fertilizer. My two cents.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 76 (view)

Should I go out with a girl 16 years younger? Posted: 8/24/2009 8:01:10 PM
I always just say for the older person , if you can deal with the broken heart... Oh yeah -- more than likely it won't last--really. And you'll be stuck with memories of that hottie in your bed. When you go back to your own age it will take awhile to not look for those younger "attributes".

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

Do you really think there's some womanspeak/secret code we're not telling you? Posted: 8/24/2009 7:49:28 PM
OP, there is definitely a womanspeak that you're not telling us. Thing is, its different for each woman. One woman was very honest with me, at least when I asked her a direct question. But, if I didn't ask the right question, she didn't volunteer any information that I needed to know, and I'd find out later by finally asking the right question. Sheesh, just tell me. Another woman said she didn't want to 'tell' me to do anything to make her happy, and that I'd just figure it out by talking or 'doing' it with her. But I found out that what I didn't know was what she wanted! Another woman during PMS didn't want any contact at all, so for 7-10 days I barely heard from her, and she didn't want me contacting her. But afterward it was back on, baby. Another criticized me for tiny things--too small to argue about--but she'd keep doing it so I was eventually always on the defensive -- the tiny 'suggestions' feel like digs after awhile. Another was sweet and true, but told me about guys hitting on her all the time. Bur she sure didn't want me to talk to any of them about it. Another texted me after not talking for a couple months "I really appreciate how much you gave to me -- I really do" I responded, then nothing... what was she sending me that out of the blue for nothing or for something? My ex was great at talking about everything, and I mean everything, but when it came to our relationship, if I asked her a question about it and she'd say, "I don't know" and shut up-- I'm getting much better at just living my life and trying not to interpret what women say and what their intent is, because its usually either so indirect or undecipherable that it drives me out of my mind. So I 'm just being the man -- is that a woman's goal? Cause that's what you'll probably get!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

Men? We Like It Gentle Posted: 8/23/2009 6:51:54 PM
Shoot a woman once told me I was her best sex ever because of being soft, caring and exploratory, then broke it off a few months later because she wanted it rough and didn't want the 'lovey-dovey' Some of you girls don't really know what you want...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 131 (view)

good body or face? Posted: 8/23/2009 6:45:30 PM
In other words, I just want someone I can wake up to --

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 130 (view)

good body or face? Posted: 8/23/2009 6:44:29 PM
I go by what they look like when I wake up next to them. So its got to be the face with body a close second--

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Totally Broken Posted: 8/22/2009 10:36:04 PM
Andy and Dallas -- Wow--the guys emotional and you're dotting i's and crossing t's...he's been in his house for a week for heaven's sake! Shoot I did the same thing after a serious breakup -- got back on POF and looked for support and friends and some kindness -- the next day!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Totally Broken Posted: 8/22/2009 10:28:11 PM
dmknights-- Yeah, she's amazing. You loved her with all your heart and she says she's leaving without any warning, then comes back to stomp some more about the new boyfriend, and then comes back to quickly work on smashing what you built together. Amazing. Yes, DallasDame, he was at fault in some way and he needs to correctly portray himself to all the POF hotties he doesn't want yet. Sheesh, give him a break... OP, you'll survive this. You'll never forget her, but you'll get over her. Its good to know this about her, you know? You wouldn't want to go on with her knowing who she really is now. So eventually you can move on to someone else who is a better fit for you. Someone who won't start something then destroy it. Sure, you did something wrong or didn't do enough of something--whatever it was, you'll figure it out and be even better next time. Being half of something and being the man aint easy. but we get better with experience. Reach out to family and drinking buddies who will listen to you complain about her. Think of all the things she did that you didn't like and had to endure, then rail against the world about it -- its healthy. You'll know when you're doing ok when you're trading the kids and you're indifferent to her -- not angry anymore. But that will take awhile. Cheers

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Anyone... Posted: 8/22/2009 9:29:03 PM
Its fun, nerve racking, and we're probably just as intimidated as you. But once that first greet is over and you get to talking, then the fun starts. Or at least is can start...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Movie help Posted: 8/22/2009 9:19:32 PM
Kill some 'Natzis' with Inglorious Basterds -- alot of great dialogue, funny as heck in parts, and there'll be alot to talk about after--

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 144 (view)

Where are the love-help articles for men?! Posted: 8/22/2009 4:15:39 PM
Dave Deangelo helps -- I've read alot of his stuff and read every one of his newsletters. Despite his reputation for telling men to be players to women--which I'm sure has affected his ability to find someone great for himself-- he provides some much deeper attitudes about manhood and how a man should interact with women. All our lives our mothers told us to be sweet and nice, and then with women's liberation we were told to be sensitive and open with our feelings. In today's society with emancipated and empowered women, that personality gets blown out of the water. Can't tell you how many times I stated a relationship with the attitude that I was going to show her that I was the nicest guy she'd ever met, only to have the relationship fail. Same with the ex-m who used my kindness to dominate and ruin what started as something great. Dave professes that you don't have to be so sweet, so nice. And to be less imtimidated by women. Which is good for men and their women, I think. All the women in this thread who say that men don't care or won't ask directions are either basing their experience on jerks or just unhappy. I care, I ask for directions, and I read to get better. Now if I only had a job!

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

Bad Date Posted: 8/20/2009 6:26:23 PM
Archer82 -- that's even worse than OP's date --Talk about walking away from a great opportunity! if you were a guy I'd say "Man up"! Guess that means you're just looking for someone you're not that attracted to , then? OP, you were with a wimpy, wet noodle of a man. With no plans and without the manners to at least say good bye, you are so much better off! You're naturally beautiful and you'll find someone great if he doesn't find you first...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Having to date women that look better than your ex... Posted: 8/20/2009 2:48:53 PM
I've run into it in lots of men, too, who've dated a woman who wasn't over her ex. They start thinking we're all like that. Sure--one broke my heart this year that I realized later was getting over someone else -- I was a rebound and didn't know it. But, I've dated others and it helps to realize she wasn't all that. Everyone's different -- I sure don' t think all women are like her-- Its what makes the world go 'round...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Having to date women that look better than your ex... Posted: 8/20/2009 2:03:42 PM
you obviously feel you are going to run into her again with your SO...or your friends are going to report back to her...so you want to be able to rub it in her face and say ha..ha...I've got the last laugh... If she saw you with someone else more gorgeous than her, she won't even notice you, just the hottie that replaced her. And she'll know that's all you care about. If she sees you with an average gal but you're happy and smiling from being with her, then she'll notice that and wonder "wow--what's she doing that I didn't do to make him so happy?" I'd rather her see me happy...

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Having to date women that look better than your ex... Posted: 8/20/2009 1:56:31 PM
Think about it -- you are basing your choice of your next partner on how she compares to someone else. So you're looking for a three way relationship. Until you can get her out of the forefront of your mind, it'll be you, her, and your ex. Trying to please two women at a time sounds exhausting. All the people here who say you shouldn't date anyone until you're over her are nuts. Dating others will help you get over her. There's going to be something about each one that you like that you didn't like about the ex-- they'll be therapeutic and fun, too. If you sit around waiting to get over her before you date others, you're going to be pretty boring, and then you won't get anybody! And maybe you'll run into someone really special. I dated a hottie who broke my heart earlier this year, and the few ladies I've been out with since have been so much easier to be with -- not as cute, but much more fun. So, I'm reassessing... Don't you want to be happy, OP? Let her go, and make a list of all the crap the ex did that didn't make sense and made you angry -- think about that list, instead of how spectacular she must have looked when she was planning to dump you.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Should I make a move? Posted: 8/19/2009 8:13:04 PM
3 years is nothing--its a non-issue. Make sure you go out or call friends on the phone -- you sure don' t want to be hanging around by yourself and only thinking about her -- been there. Get busy with other things--Good Luck

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

Should I make a move? Posted: 8/18/2009 11:05:40 PM
OP -- this is great stuff. Keep it up! Something that's important at this point-- do you want to be her friend or her lover? She will develop feelings for you for one or the other and not both. You'll want her to be attracted to you, and sweet teddy bears aren't attractive. For the longest time I wanted to show any girl I liked that I was the nicest guy she'd ever met, and it rarely worked! Be a man that enjoys her company. If you're talking here about love, don't blow it by telling her you love her. You've got to wait months for that. I think when you feel really good about someone you tend to only see the positives and overlook her negatives. She's human, so don't put her on a pedestal and defer to her for decisions because you want her to be happy. Just play it cool, lean back and let her talk to you, be the man and let her have most of the fun when you go out. Enjoy her having a good time. Take walks, bike rides, talk in special places with a view, or take a small adventure with her. Don't do dinner and a movie every time. Ask her what she likes to do then surpise her with something else. Be unpredictable. One technique for first kisses I like is when you're both walking together holding hands. If you stop and keep holding her hand, she will naturally come around and face you -- a perfect time. If not on the lips, I prefer the neck to the cheek. A kiss on the cheek you give to your sister. You only have to be funny or charming or smart once or twice during a date -- not the whole time. I think its always good to have her see you do something that you are incredibly good at--whatever it is. Not farting or video games--something good that shows her you're special in some way. Don't be shy about it.. Good Luck, and whatever you do, don't try to figure out what she's thinking. It will drive you out of your mind. Just act like you assume she likes you -- don't ask her anymore -- and all will be good.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

Ex Partner Posted: 8/18/2009 10:21:54 PM
OK OK i made a big mistake, i am not looking for sympathy or crucifixtion, just wanted some friendly advice.......... That money is gone, so is she. So be it. Wait, could you get 3000 pounds of sex out of her?

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Steal my coworkers crush? Posted: 8/18/2009 10:16:30 PM
Just tell him...."dude, either you ask that hottie out or I am gonna" Darn good idea-- And maybe she can ask him not to kill you

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Steal my coworkers crush? Posted: 8/18/2009 10:11:49 PM
He's fat, on drugs, and can't talk to women? She sounds popular and probably wouldn't go for him anyway, so ask her out. He won't like it, and you may lose him as a friend, but maybe it'll help him snap out of his bad habits and improve himself. If it works out between her and you, absolutely no gloating is allowed, and **** about her to him regardless of if its the truth or not. And never any talk about sex. Ever. Get him to read Dave Deangelo--might help.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

why does he keep talking about past dates with other women? Posted: 8/18/2009 3:41:48 PM
Guys, if he's still talking about someone from 6 years ago, over and over, then he doesn't have the best intentions for her! OP, you've done the right thing by telling him not to bring up others, but he's ignoring it. Sexually compatible or not, if he's ignoring things that hurt you now, he'll ignore them in the future. Saying insensitive things on purpose is maybe a control thing for him --or just a pathetic way of keeping distance from you. Either way, its not very nice, and it won't get better. There are those that feel more comfortable living in the past because they know what happened even if it was painful, and maybe he fears the future because he doesn't know whats there for him. I do it sometimes, but you gotta snap out of living back then--its boring. If he's not thinking that his best may be ahead of him --or in front of him (you) -- you may be able to shock him by saying you want someone that doesn't live in the past, and break it off. You'll have to be firm with him--it doesn't sound like you have been! He's just having fun seeing what he can get away with -- the little shet--

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Losing Monica... Posted: 8/17/2009 11:10:57 PM
Same thing happened with the perfect girl with me earlier this year, OP. Still smarts-- All defenses down, totally enraptured, and seeing a bright future. Wrote her a Valentine's letter that'd make you cry, but that was the beginning of the end. If you don't get her back, all the examination of the relationship you'll be doing of why-oh-why-didn't-we-work will be clearer with some distance and time. She's not perfect and she didn't like being on the pedestal you put her on. You focused on all the things that you had in common and ignored the differences that you'd both have to work on. I call it 'infatuation with shutters'. How would you like it if someone thought you were perfect? You'd think they were nuts, yes? If anything, you learn to be the man, not the romance novel sensitivo who'll die for his woman. That said, it sounds like you've given up too easily. Give her some time to miss you, then go back at her like a stallion. A man who maybe doesn't like everything about her -- and maybe a little skeptical about if you can make it together in the REAL world.

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

are guys scared off by confident women who make the first move? Posted: 8/17/2009 10:27:33 PM
OP -- keep on being you, and tell all your girlfriends to tell their girlfriends to tell all their girlfriends to go after a man if they like them. Few things are worse than finding out down the line that someone liked you without you knowing it and they didn't make a move out of fear of rejection. Sometimes a man doesn't know he likes you until you approach him -- does that make sense? And everywhere you go you'll find men alone just waiting for someone as cute as yourself to start a conversation. If that guy doesn't respond, he's not gay, he's not too good for you, and he's not insulted you made the first move. He's just not interested for any number of reasons. In your case, he's probably just stupid and doesn't know what he's missing--

inbruges

Joined: 5/1/2009

Msg: 65 (view)

Wife leaving me Posted: 8/14/2009 10:35:09 PM
Hey OP, you will be free of someone that doesn't love you. That means alot, regardless of where you started. I've found when you make the goal of being indifferent to her, then you're on the road to being ok about it. Anger and confrontation make you look pathetic and make her realize she's doing the right thing. But if you don't really care.. Women may file more because of their expectations of their men. They may want a great home and vehicle and gym memberships to go with lines of credit along with your doting on them and helping them all the time. Even the gals with their own money have maybe unrealistic expectations of servitude from their man. Without having to give as much in return. Its got to be more fun to get more than you give, yes? Of course, we're looking for someone who's not like that, but its hard to find in this economy and with our competitive culture. Funny, when I tell women that my mom met my dad at the door with a kiss and a hug at the end of every day of his worklife and that they worked at it, very few think thats wonderful. Too bad, because it was.

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