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 Author Thread: Does anyone have anything good to say about their EX?
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 429 (view)
 
Does anyone have anything good to say about their EX?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:26:23 PM

gentlemaNJIM4ONE: What a very heartwarming story. Good Luck my friend. I truly believe anything can happen if two people are willing to compromise and see the good in each other. You have my BEST WISHES!


Thanks GoodmanGreg.
It's been a long time since I was able to post anything here since I was in the POF poky for speaking out about an issue. Yep got put on restriction until today.

So the delay in thanking GoodmanGreg for his well wishes.
Now a month has passed and I can post yet another update. I am happy to say the EX is no longer an EX! We are both committed to making it work. Yep, we are once again a couple! Still not an easy road since she is 1100 miles away now and a family situation makes in impossible for her to move back for now. So what started out as a long distance relationship over 3 years ago is now back to being a long distance relationship. But this time we are both as dedicated to making it work. The bond is stronger then ever.

Again I want to thank those that came here and shared the good things they had to say about their EX's. Not all relationships end due to cheating, beating and other horrific things that some of us can and will still say there is some good things about our EX's

Love is not something we can turn on and off like water. Sometimes we can work out problems and get back together.
for those that can't for the above horrific reasons mentioned, I do wish you all a new love in your life. One that will treat you with respect, honesty and devotion.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 1380 (view)
 
So you want a second chance?
Posted: 11/5/2009 4:13:06 PM
Sorry, I disagree with so much of this thread. In fact I think it is harmful for those that feel that a relationship can be saved.

I also respectfully disagree with the notion that you will not be truly happy with someone else until you are happy alone. Did it ever occur to anyone that some people just will never be happy alone? Personally, I think it is not normal to be alone> I hate it, always hated it and will never be happy alone...period.

When I said this thread is harmful for many that come here for help in juts feeling better about a recent break up, what I mean is, you read all the negative things about contact and how to move on and get over it. Suppose that relationship can be worked out? Yet some will foolishly listen to all the negative things said in this thread and force themselves to listen to this advice.

My girlfriend of three years broke up with me back in February. it ripped my heart out. Not the first break up either. I won't go into detail about why we broke up. That's to private. But I say that neither of us broke the trust we had in each other. Neither one of us cheated on the other. Nothing that is as hurtful as those two main issues. From the day she left and moved 1100 miles away, I tried to forget her, put her out of my mind. In the next 6 months I dated, hoping a new love would help ease the lose. Had some good times with some great ladies. Never had sex with any of them. I just could not go there thinking, hoping that someday I'd be back with the woman that broke my heart. Every few weeks I'd send her a brief one or two liner just asking if she was OK. Never asked for a reconciliation or pressured her in any way. Then after six months,she finally responded to one email. In it she said, "the time and distance only proved to me that I do love you" . That was music to my ears. So we started communicating again. Now 2 months later we are both committed to making it work. Our relationship is stronger then ever and we both want the same thing out of our relationship. I am once again very happy.

So please understand that IF you want a chance, think there is a chance, don't just give up! It's working for us and can work for you. It depends on why you broke up and how strong the bond was to begin with. Many of the reasons we had a hard time and caused her to call it quits was from things she nor I could control. Couple that with misunderstanding, assumptions on both our parts and not being able to communicate properly what the issues were finally became clear to two people that never stopped loving one another.

It can happen for you too. Be patient, be compassionate, understanding and ready to accept fault for your part in the breakup. Fences can be mended if you both want it.
I wish you all well in whatever works for you. Just don't let all the broken hearts that blindly agree with all the advice you read in this thread. use your on instinct, common sense and beliefs about the one you want that second chance with.

I know the pain all to well. I am one of the lucky ones that got a second chance. She feels the same way. I wish all of you the best, whatever course you take. But I do want you to know that some second chances, third chances and maybe ever fourth chances are more then worth it. How strong was that bond? How badly do you want it to work. Do you think your ex may really want the same thing? Then go for it!

You may have to swallow some pride and even ask for forgiveness. That's not a bad thing if it's warranted and sincere.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop
Posted: 11/5/2009 2:41:50 PM
What everyone else has tried to tell you. I still can't past the $5.00 debit card incident and his poor attitude about paying cash for whatever you were buying. I mean...$5.00????
Like everyone else, I wonder juts what is so wonderful about this loser. And I do mean loser!
There is no way you can tell us enough good things about him to make up for or cover up all the BAD things you already told us but seem to accept.
Moving in with this guy will be pure hell and he will trap you, control you and get only worse as time goes on.
Get strong, get smart and get away from him NOW.
We know it's not what you wanted to hear. But go back and read all the red flags you told us about. Then read it again, and again, and again.
I did not read all the responses, but did anyone even suggest you give him a chance? My bet is NO!
I sure don't want to read your next post in the broken heart thread, my my guess is I will and very soon.
I do wish you well dear lady.

 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 339 (view)
 
Does anyone have anything good to say about their EX?
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:41:29 PM
The last post to this thread was one day short of a month ago. A lot can happen in a month. What I did not expect to happen...happened. My ex came to this thread and posted good things to say about me. Now a month or more since that post, ( she will remain anonymous) I am happy to say we are talking again. No promise of a total reconciliation, but at least we are sharing how we do care for each other. The main obstacle of distance ( 1200 miles) may be a blessing in disguise right now. Gives us both time to kind of get to know each other after 6 months of no contact. Misunderstandings, assumptions and othewr issues are fading away and letting us to know each other even better then before.
People, there is hope for those that can swallow pride, forgive and whatever else caused a break doown in communication to begin with. Let all the good of someone outshine the issues that might have caused you to part in the beginning. As long as there is trust not broken, there is hope. Thanks to all that added positive things to this post.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
are we being crazy?
Posted: 10/8/2009 11:18:00 AM

The only thing I question is why you're questioning it possibly being crazy, even a little bit. Is there some reason you think you're supposed to be seeing other people? Because I can't think of one.


The only reasonI can think of, is becuase they read to many forum posts by those that are not looknig for a serious relationship. Those from terminal daters. LOL
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
are we being crazy?
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:48:02 AM
Nothing weird about it at all. Some times people get lucky and find that they both want to be exclusive very early on. It only works when "both" feel the same way. That thing called chemistry.
I am one that never liked or felt comfortable in dating or seeing more then one woman at a time. It gets complicated and someone's feelings could end up hurt if one is more attracted then the other. I'm not into hurting a woman's feeling second best by dating others while trying to build a relationship with her. But this comes from a guy that only would date in hopes of finding an exclusive long term relationship and nit just a FWB type of thing.
So if both are clear as to what they are looking for and it's the same thing ( long term) then why does the calender have to play a roll in how soon is to soon to make it exclusive? If the chemistry dictates that neither wants to date or look for others, then I think it's great.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 278 (view)
 
She is barely legal, He is 48
Posted: 10/6/2009 4:39:53 PM

Oh COME ON. What do YOU think?? I can't wait to read all the old guys in here saying "but she's so maturrrrrrrrrre." Sorry, guys, if it was maturity you were looking for, you wouldn't be trying to do girls younger than your grown kids.

I am so glad to see a lot of you guys are grossed out by this!!

Well said spoke for

Count me as one of the men grossed out by it. For me, if she is biologically young enough to have been my daughter and I her father, she is to young. I'd never want to be referred to as a dirty old man. I despise those that are.

Besides, I am attracted to women, not little girls. And that is how I view most under age 22 or so. She might look sexy firm and all that. But a female does not become beautiful until she reaches about age 38 or so....to me at least. But even age 38 is to young for me... Damn! I'd getting old! lol
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 117 (view)
 
I am getting used to being SINGLE, which scares hell out of me.
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:36:58 PM
It does not scare me that I am NOT getting used to being single. I will never get used to it, and never want to get used to it.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Women who have more education than the man whom they are dating
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:12:11 AM
Since when does education mean or equate intelligence? I have met more educated idiots in my life then I care to think about. Now if you really mean the woman is more intelligent then the man, maybe it's an issue for some. But I have always believed in a quote from Will Rogers: Every man is ignorant, cept on a different subject".

There are many scholars that a screwdriver has one to many moving parts for them to figure out how to use.

I'll take life experiences, on hand job experiences and common sense, long before a so called higher education to judge ones intelligence.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 62 (view)
 
reasonable or not
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:01:15 AM
I don't see how anyone can project or predict a time line. If I meet a woman, Then it's mutual to date each other, then their must have been an attraction that started with the first email and sharing of pictures. That thing called chemistry. I am not about to try to put a time line on it. It was a matter of weeks in my last relationship. If I'm not sure in a year, then I must not know what or who I am looking for or attracted to.

If a woman tried to hold back her emotions, her love for a year, Or stop my feelings towrd her, I'd suspect she is just not that into me and I'd move on. Hell, I'm not getting any younger! Who has time to wait a year?
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Older people only pls
Posted: 9/23/2009 5:24:11 AM

Are you guys trying to pick up ladies in the forums or something? I mean seriously. I don't know ANY guy that thinks this way.


And there lies the problem... for women! To many men DON'T think this way, while most women do!

To many men will lie about their feelings for a woman just to get laid!
Maybe more do think this way then you know. It's just that guys like you would never admit it to you guy friends or them admit it to you. And no, I am not trying to pick up ladies in the forums by my confession of how I feel. How insulting!

I leave that kind of decietful tactic to guys like you that don't have to have emotional attachment and will say anything, do anything just to get laid.

Is it any wonder why the forums are filled with woman saying she slept with a guy and now he never calls?
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Older people only pls
Posted: 9/23/2009 3:12:09 AM
ChancesRMD said:
I'm 53. I've always enjoyed sex. Still do. I will say that, as I grow older (dare I say it) I need/have to be more emotionally attached to want to be involved.


Thanks for daring to say it
I'm with you on this. One night stands, pick ups and casual unemotional sex is a thing of the past. And I admit, the past was fun.
Now I have to have a bond and a high level of feelings for a woman to enjoy sex. And I need to feel that bond in the woman as well.
"Making love" instead of having sex is so much better and more menaingful....
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 106 (view)
 
Do guys like sweet & innocent or naughty girls?
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:44:06 PM
For me, it's simple. I want a sweet and innocent girl in public. A Lady. But one that can be and likes to be naughty at appropriate times and places.

Who says one woman can't be both?
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Cheating...do men really do it more than women?
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:40:37 PM
Not sure if it is 50-50. But I don't think it is for this reason: Most, not all women need some sort of strong emotional bond with a man in order to want to have sex with him. Most men on the other hand, do not have a need for an emotional bond at all.

How many women do you know that would pay a male prostitute for sex? I think if the drive was as strong for women as it is for men, then there would be some male prostitutes making a living from women and not men they now service. lol

Ladies, correct me if I'm wrong, but most...not all but the majority, of women equate sex with love, while men do not need to feel any love in order to want to have sex with a woman. True, most men will admit it's better when there is a love connection included so it is "making love" and not "just sex".

Personally, I think more men then women cheat. My guess is it is 60% to 40%, or 70% men-30% women ratio.... or even lower. But the margin might be shrinking.

Still have that double standard. If a man sleeps around, he's a stud. If a woman sleeps around, she's a slut. Women may like studs, but men do not like sluts; That is beyond a quick roll in the hay and forget them.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
what's up with this?
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:21:07 AM
First thought...If you met him here on POF, no need to tell him anything. He will most likely read this thread and know why you are not interested in him any longer.
I know I would read every post a woman I might be interested in. Just another way to get to know more about her.

I can't believe this guy did not ask you about the trip. That seems very odd. Maybe he is (or was) trying to sell himself to you. So much so, he never thought of showing you his interest in you. As others pointed out, he may be that into himself (ego) that he forgot what's going on in your life is important.

Then the part about him not saying, "so nice to talk to you again" That shows lack of interest...or he is clueless in how to be polite, sincere and social.

I want to know all about a woman I meet and might be interested in. I ask questions. Tell me all about yourself etc. But yes, in turning this around, if she rambled on all about her and never asked about me, I'd see that as a red flag.

You said all the conversations were about him. So this seems to be a pattern of his. I wonder how many conversations. And how anyone could ramble on about themselves and NOT ask about the one they are talking to.

All I can say is... strange guy.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
is it him or me??
Posted: 9/19/2009 1:43:06 AM
I too am with the OP. What a jerk to mention the college girls.
Is the OP being to sensitive? Hell no! We all have feelings. This guy stepped on hers. He could have and should have kept his thoughts about college girls to himself. What purpose did it serve to drool out loud to his girlfriend? Does he enjoy saying things to "try" to make her feel like less?

It may not bother some of you. But it does... and did the OP. CluelessBF said something that hurt her. Hope the small man feels real big now.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 82 (view)
 
When did we become old fuddy duddies?
Posted: 9/9/2009 4:21:12 AM
In a word....NEVER! I will NEVER become an old fuddy duddy! You will never see this man wearing plaid shorts and a striped or patterned shirt, suspenders, shoes or sandels with socks. You will NEVER see my butt on the seat of a three wheeled bicycle! No shuffleboard for me either. I reject getting old. I won't even ask for a senior discount! lol I refuse to live in a 55 and older community. That's where people go to die and reject kids and dogs.
Ask me again in 20 years, and I'll give you the same answer....NEVER
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 92 (view)
 
what does open minded mean to you
Posted: 9/9/2009 3:50:50 AM
Just don't confuse one being "open minded" with someone "accepting" A person might be open minded about the differences in someones personal beliefs, sexual kinks, desires, or even religion. But that does not mean he or she will accept differences in you and them. It could mean they are open minded enough to respect those differences, but it does not mean they want them in their life. So proceed with caution.
Like many, I consider myself very open minded and even very accepting of other's lifestyles. But there is a line or limit as to what I'd accept in the way of a partner.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 118 (view)
 
Who would you pick ?
Posted: 9/9/2009 3:38:50 AM
Since you had to mention that they both are overweight, it seems to me, that being over weight must be an issue you have about choices of who you might fall in love with, or you would not have even added that into the equation. So I think you should choose neither until you can get past the issue of weight.
I think the biggest issue might be the age difference. I did not look to see your age, but I assume you are older then the girl in her 20's. It may not be an issue today, but what about 10-20 years from now. She may become less "clueless" and resent that you are to old for her at some point.
It comes down to compatibility. Are you compatible with a woman that has children? Are you compatible with a clueless woman? Better be thinking long range in your decision.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Compromise or no?
Posted: 9/7/2009 4:17:36 AM

one week she gets her choice...than the next week you get your choice...also what about your body...does she like what you have to offer with your friend...i like it when the man that i am with is bare...if he likes hairs...one week it is haria nd the next bald...it is important please each other...life is too short to find over trivial issues.


Wow! Ya mean hair grows that quick? one week bald and the next... presto... full bush!

Seriously, When I was married, my wife liked me to have a full mustache. I hated it. It itched and tickled when wind hit it. But I''d grow it out for several months for her and then ask her if I could shave it off. We compromised on it and it was never an issue.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Compromise or no?
Posted: 9/7/2009 3:57:02 AM
No wonder people can't stay together....or get together. With such BIG issues as this to consider.
So the OP can't accept this very big, very important issue, so he should just go find a hairy bush to hide in. I can't believe this is even an issue!

Makes no difference to me. Sure I might have a preference, but if I am into a woman, care about her, and think or know she is who I want as a mate, I would accept simple small things like this and never give it a thought. Hell, I'd shave it for her!

I'd hate to see what would happen if a real issue came up should this guy and gal become a couple.

The OP should do this woman a BIG favor and move on. What a shallow, non accepting, non compromising, clueless guy would love or leave a woman over something so trivial.

She should keep her pubes the way she likes it and just NEVER let this guy near it!
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Have you found your love here?
Posted: 9/6/2009 6:31:43 PM
ck1time wrote:
Wow, & I only meant to start a LOVE thread a long time ago...LOL...shows it's the most powerful emotion...


I can't begin to tell you what has happened with me since I wrote my message #46 two days ago. I must be dreaming. All I am going to share is that the one that broke my heart is now communicating after a long six months. Trying not to get my hopes up, but communicating is always a good thing. Yes Ck1time LOVE is a powerful emotion. For me, the most powerful emotion there is.
It made me re-write my profile earlier today.

I wish everyone nothing but love.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Ladies, please take a look
Posted: 9/6/2009 3:15:45 PM
Since I posted this profile review request, I have edited it a few more times.
Mostly based on what a few members that took the time to write me directly with thier opinions and suggestions. Especially a couple of good friends.
Thanks for all your help.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Ladies, please take a look
Posted: 9/6/2009 7:04:28 AM
Thank you Jen.

That's one vote for being honest... and one for my not having a friendly opinion or response to an opinion. lol Yeah, should have just shut my mouth.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Ladies, please take a look
Posted: 9/6/2009 6:41:26 AM
Thank you for your point of view mystic luv. However I surely don't agree with it. Sure I have baggage. Show me someone tha doesn't and I'll show you someone that never was in love. Baggage can be put away when in the company of the right partner. It's not a dead end as some may think it is.
I do live in the "today" and not the past. Feelings for someone does not automatically put a perosn in the category of living in the past. And those feelings don't just go away. In the mean time, no sense in being alone. I look at this BS about taking time to heal as giving up on life instead of living it. Besides, I'm not getting any younger.
I'd bet there are women that are in the same situation I am with their feelings, yet want the company of a man. As for dealing with my "sh*t", as you put it, I deal with it everyday. It has not crippled me. I just would rather be honest about it and be happy that I don't lie or hide my emotions.
Hey if it does nto work or meet with understanding, I will of course re do it again. But I do want to see just hgow honest women really want a man to be.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Do people hide to much?
Posted: 9/6/2009 5:57:59 AM
I think people in general try to put their best foot forward in order to meet someone. True, they may not tell all. Things that otherwise would stop someone from being interested enough to meet. I just re wrote my profile that "might" being telling to much. But I have to be true to myself and out of fairness to any woman that may be interested. But now at least any that will write, know exactly where I stand. To me it was the right thing to do whether I meet anyone or not.

Aside from that, guys (or women for that matter) that lie about being married is about as low as it gets to me. Next is age and 5-10 year old pictures that mislead.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Ladies, please take a look
Posted: 9/6/2009 5:49:19 AM
I read in the forums that many profiles are full of deceitful lines, and false characterizations about he person. But I wonder... Just how much truth do women really want in reading a profile? I just redid mine. Not that my old one was not truthful, it was VERY. But it did not tell the whole story. Will this one turn off or put off women that may want friendship or more?
I just can't live with a lie and find it hard to hide what's in my heart.
Curious of what women think of it.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Have you found your love here?
Posted: 9/5/2009 4:29:23 PM
OK Sandy, I just did. Looking forward to it and meeting you and a lot of others that I've admired here in the pond.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Have you found your love here?
Posted: 9/5/2009 4:14:46 PM
Sandy, you are right! I have not signed up yet. But I will....soon. But only if I can at least peel a grape for you. (wink)
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Have you found your love here?
Posted: 9/5/2009 3:55:11 PM
Very well said Dan. I agree with you. To never have loved with her heart and soul is the biggest failure I see for this young lady.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
the last- Best You Ever Had
Posted: 9/2/2009 7:28:26 AM

I see no sense in trying to confuse (and possibly not enjoy) my 'what is' with comparisons to 'what was' or with what 'may be'.


Hi breath, I don't think of this question as a comparison. Each love of my life was very real, very unique and simply can not be compared by what it was to any other in the past or the unknown future. It's not like saying I loved one better then the other. Can't do that. Yet, as I said, maybe it is my age, the clock ticking or the total impact due to age, maturity, and experiences that make me say that the last was the best I ever had. As for a future love interest..... Just don't know..... can't answer the unknown.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 244 (view)
 
why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks
Posted: 9/2/2009 7:18:41 AM
I've had my share of women write to me. Many that I did not think were attractive. The last thing I'd ever tell a woman is that she did not meet my requirements in th physical looks category. I'd always respond with a note saying something like, " Thanks for your interest, However I do not see us as a match. I wish you luck and love in your search. To tell anyone that they are not attractive is just cruel or a a minimum tacky .

I met a woman that wrote to me first. We talked on the phone over the course of a week. Met on a Friday night and planned a date for the next night. Odd that it was to go to the first POF party I ever attended. Took her home met her dogs and have multiple scratches from that. lol
I asked her if she wanted to see me again. She said, "of course". Then yesterday, I come home from work to a note written to me on here saying that I'm a great guy and I ma what she is looking for in the way of a man, but it wasn't there for her physically and that she hoped we could still be friends. WTF!
I do have a normal male ego, and she bruised it. with that. In essence, she was not attracted to me physically. OK, I'm not attractive to many, but know I am to some. But damn, did I want to hear it that way? The odd thing is, it effected me and I was not sure I even wanted to get to involved with her since I did see some red flags in just one date. Like having 5 dogs instead of 2. Hey, I love dogs, but there is a limit! lol Getting really drunk and then loud and using language that I do not like to hear from a lady. Loud enough that others around us in the restuarant could hear.

But I figured I'd see her again and see where it might go. See if the drinking is a regular thing or just happened that night. Give it a chance so to speak. But still, it hurt to hear it that way.
There is afine line between being honest and being hurtful.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
the last- Best You Ever Had
Posted: 9/2/2009 6:32:43 AM

so if you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with?


Guess that's what I've been trying to do. However for me, it's not working.
Some very attractive women with lots to offer. Even lust has evaded me it seems. But then again, I want and need so much more then mere lust. That only lasts a little while. What I need is for a lifetime. Maybe those that say quite looking and it will find you are right. I'm looking and that's not working.

Then there are those that say take time to heal. I say BS to that! Hell, I'm not getting any younger!
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
the last- Best You Ever Had
Posted: 9/2/2009 6:26:27 AM
I am beginning to think I did in fact have the best I ever had. That ended in February, but not by my choice. I am wondering now if I can ever feel so deeply for another. I know I'd like to. That's why I'm here.
But she took a huge piece of my heart when she ended the 3 year relationship. I've met several women, dated a few and have not felt that special spark to ignite anything close to love; The love I still feel for the one I could not hold onto.
I'm beginning to believe what she once said, "don't put me on a pedestal so high, because when I fall, it will hurt to much." I told her that I'd be there to catch her and not to worry about it. I still do not know why she ended it yet says she still loves me. Three years of trying to make it work.
I've been married 3 times, loved them all. The first time I was simply to young. My second wife died after ten great years together. My last wife and I divorced after 19 years. I can't say I loved any of them more then the other. But I can tell you this...This last short three year relationship definitely meant more to me then any other for reasons that even I do not understand. Did she meet all; my needs? NO. Did I meet all her needs? I like to think I did...even putting my own on hold for her. Today I think I know what this thing called unconditional love is really all about. I learned and grew from her. I learned and changed because of her being in my life. And I've learned even more with her out of my life. Was she the best I ever had? YES.

Can I find it again? Well wishing and hoping she's have a change of heart is not working. So yes, I think I can find love again. Some things even better then before perhaps. But for now, she's the best I ever had.
What she does not realize... and I am certain due to knowing her like no other, I am right about one thing... I was the best she ever had too. Forgive me if that sounds arrogant....it's not.
Like Barry White sang, " She'll never find a love like mine"
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
I MISS YOU
Posted: 9/2/2009 5:49:42 AM
I miss your bright green eyes so filled with wonder, emotion and thoughts
I miss your very presents when not a word was said
I miss seeing the little girl in you at the beach as you played in the water
I miss sharing a morning cup of coffee
I miss the way you said Honey and sweetheart
I miss being captivated by your need of me
I miss doing those little things to please you... Even things I did not care to do at all, but for you filled me with joy and happiness.
I miss the sound of your voice on the phone
I miss belonging to you.. You owning my heart and soul
I miss the hello and goodbyes a simple hug
I miss having you in my life
I miss your care, concern and love
I miss our talks...about anything
I miss your dog
I miss the life I had with you and the dreams I had of you and I forever
I miss ironing your clothes
I miss cleaning your house
I miss fixing your coffee and always caring if it was just right
I miss you and Starbucks
I miss doing the dishes after a dinner you prepared for us
I miss... missing you when I knew I'd see you later or tomorrow
Now....... I miss you knowing I won't see you later or tomorrow
I miss the little notes left for me
I miss massaging your pain away in your back
I miss worshiping you
I miss your perfume and the intoxicating effect it had on me
I miss going out to dinner with you
I miss your talking of your day in the classroom and how proud I was of you
I simply miss sharing life with you the good, the bad, the hopes, struggles and dreams
I miss caring so much that it made all the struggles, the bad and all seem worth while
I miss telling you that you were more then good enough...telling you that you were everything
I miss you and the things that would be intolerable to most, but to me were understandable and tolerated out of love and sincere empathy for you
I miss the things I learned from you
I miss sharing everything with you
I miss giving to you and you alone
I miss you and having a life that included you
I miss being involved in your family
I miss being important to you
I miss you... and know I always will... come what may
I miss singing songs of love with you in mind
I miss your stare..sometimes into my eyes... and sometimes off into the distance
I miss putting you before myself, and knowing it is what love is about

I miss you... and know I always will... come what may
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
could someone interpret this, please
Posted: 9/1/2009 5:21:14 PM
Hate to say it, But curlygrl is 100% correct. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I wish you luck and love with someone that thinks with the right head.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Have you found your love here?
Posted: 9/1/2009 4:33:51 PM
I came to this site the first time about 5 years ago. I was newly divorced at the time. Within a year, I made some dear friends through the Forums we posted in. I had a few dates but mostly what I'd call first meetings. Then I met someone on another site. ( found out she also had a profile on here as well)
She was 1200 miles away. But her profile said retiring soon and wants to move to a warmer climate. Well I am in a warmer climate. so we started communicating and as hard as it may be to understand or believe, the chemistry was found in just hours upon hours of phone calls. Then she was in a near fatal car accident and disappeared on me until her daughter called me after finding my number in her mother's cell phone. So our planned meeting was delayed for almost 3 months. By then, I was definitely in love.

Confirmed when we spent nearly a week together before she returned to her home. Long story short, she moved here a year later. So my POF profile came down.

Because of things out of her control or my control even, we had a very rocky road filled with to many short breakups. The last was back in February and her moving back home....for the second time. I wish things were different. But she has made it clear it's over. So here I am back in the pond looking to fill the void left by her leaving.
I never felt so much heartache. She's a good woman. I still love her, but I can't go on alone.

I hope I am not here long. To be honest, I hate being single, I hate living alone and want out of here. Hell, I don't even like this thing called dating!

So far I've met about 6 women and the chemistry simply was not there. Maybe I'm not ready. But I have to start somewhere. To me, the best way to get over a lost love is to find a new one. Right or wrong, that's me.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 91 (view)
 
What would you do if you found $20?
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:52:47 PM
Sincerely sorry Hallie. I honestly was just trying to say something funny. I did not mean to upset you with a little humor. I saw Beth responded asking about some wine. She is one of my favorite forum friends (as I thought of you too).

So I thought I'd say something funny. Guess you are in the mood to be funny today.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 89 (view)
 
What would you do if you found $20?
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:37:37 PM
{quote]Jim, I think it comes in a box with a straw taped to the side and instead of a vintage year it has a time stamp on the box along with a sell by date.

Now that's funny right thar, I don't care who ya are!
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 86 (view)
 
What would you do if you found $20?
Posted: 8/31/2009 12:24:31 PM

Congrats Beth! Try Gnarly Head Cab - it's $10.99 a bottle so you could get two, and it's really good! They have it at most Publix's and Fresh Market.


Now I just gotta know....Is this Gnarly Head Cab one of those cheap wines that comes in a bottle with just a cork in it, and not one of them there fancy wines that has the modern twist off cap?
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Profile plagiarism: what, if anything, to do?
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:50:46 AM

I'm going to put it on my profile now just because I can.


I thought about that, but it won't work on my profile since my profile is a long monologue. lol

How about, " Thanks for reading my monologue, but I prefer a dialogue.

Wonder if the OP thinks I plagiarized it since it was just a twist on two words that rhyme. lol
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Profile plagiarism: what, if anything, to do?
Posted: 8/31/2009 11:45:46 AM
Wow! What a contradiction!

You just said you stole it from someone else.

Then you said you'd NEVER post something on your profile authored or inspired by someone else without giving credit for it. I don't see a credit for where ever you stole it from, on your profile.

Then you just said that those words are "my" words. Hows the heck can that be?
You just said you stole it from someone else. So how can they be your words?

You are not making any sense here.

I still say no big deal. Copy my words and I might even thank you or compliment you.

Not to mention that the simple line is not all that creative or profound to begin with.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile plagiarism: what, if anything, to do?
Posted: 8/31/2009 9:52:49 AM
I agree. Take it as a compliment. This is just a one liner with a clever use of two words. Now if the person used your whole profile as his own (other then change gender or something else to make it fit him) then "maybe" be offended or concerned.

I once had a woman use my clever profile (long one at that) as her own other then changing the words that indicated gender. I felt complimented that she liked it so much she modeled hers after mine. No big deal to me.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Who decides what is reasonable?
Posted: 8/31/2009 8:43:09 AM
Op, I have read with interest most of the responses to your question. But I want to put that aside for a moment and add to the list that think you might have made what ever issue was reasonable or not, that caused you to turn and run instead of cry and show your emotions.

I was in a relationship where she told me that she learned very early in life to NOT cry in front of anyone that hurt her. I understood that and accepted it.
I do remember that one time she did cry in front of me and that is when I KNEW SHE REALLY CARED. I felt loved/closer. She shared a piece of her rarely seen by anyone. To argue, fight or even disagree without emotions to me simply says you don't care enough about either the issue or me.
So I might ask, is it "reasonable" that she could not or would not cry in front of me? Well knowing her life story and why, I would say it was reasonable for her. I on the other hand, had no problem crying in front of her. ( could be one small piece of why we are not together today since maybe to her crying is showing a weakness)
No to mention when love someone and a disagreement or argument caused them to take me out of their life while they go off alone to think and not face the issue is one of the most hurtful things she can do to me. I want to resolve the issue NOW not later when she cools down. You closed off the communication, as someone else said. That to me is not reasonable. I want to communicate and get the issue resolved. You shut him out. That may or may not be part of why he wanted to end the relationship. You elected to hide your feelings and walk away from the issue. Not good.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Define committed relationship after 60
Posted: 8/30/2009 3:12:55 PM
It's no different at 60 then it is at any age,as someone already pointed out.

For me, at age 60, it perhaps is taken more seriously since knowing we are in the fall of our lives; we don't want to spend it alone. How much hormones and life's experiences play in a more meaningful, thought out... or should I say a stronger desire for commitment, I don't know. I would say it is based less on sex then it was in my twenties, yet that too is still important.
It's the meeting of minds and hearts, that care deeply for each other's needs, desires and devotion to them. it is forsaking all others and putting the other person first just as it was in our younger years. Of course I do not mean more important then kids that either or both partners may have brought into this world.
It's not cheating, being true, Trusting, respecting each other and just being there for each other through the good and the bad. It's forgiveness for those things that might irritate us and understanding of each other. It's a commitment to work on issues and not let them or anyone come between each other. It's staying in love with acceptance of the other's quirkks, habits and what they brought into the relationship.
Simply stated, it's love of and for each other.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Is nudism a turn off for women?
Posted: 8/28/2009 3:51:35 PM

Hallie and Sandy I would agree, you can't make anyone change for you, nor should you want to. Even if that person does change for you, rather than for themselves the change may not be lasting or can even cause resentment down the line.


Believe it or not, I totally agree with you Nancy, Sandy and Hallie. True, you can't make anyone change for you.

What I said is totally different then someone making me do anything. I said I'd VOLUNTARILY change if I knew it would please the woman I am into. Big difference in that and someone "making" me do anything.

Don't think that is possible? Well I know from experience that changes in me come fairly easy if I am into a woman. That's just the way I am. Perhaps Hallie is right in that many or even most can't. But I know for a fact I can and would.

Of course it does depend on what it is. How deeply it's ingrained or how important it is to the person.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
How Important is it that you have chemistry with someone?
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:58:43 PM

question was how important it was,, not whether it was posssible,
obviously it is!


I think it is every bit as important as it was before I reached that certain age..whatever that was. I won't settle for less then mutual attraction and that thing called chemistry.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Why do women find criminals hot?
Posted: 8/27/2009 6:50:36 PM
Are you serious with this question? If you had some...very few woen find crininals hot, it would have sounded better.... But still, I'd say its a very few loser girls and females that find a low life criminal hot. NOT WOMEN, or better yest, NOT Ladys.

(mumbles to self.... why did I even bother to open this dumb thread)

They should join the new online dating site POF. ...That's Plenty of Felons
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Is nudism a turn off for women?
Posted: 8/27/2009 5:49:32 PM

Jim a "way" of life is something I think is important to establish quickly. Being separated as to divorced makes a difference, having children and a family way of life is different, than having no kids or all grown kids. I have met men that like to take off on weekend trips spontaneous, having teenage children that is not easily done. That doesn't make one life style wrong or right, it does make it different and that can make a BIG difference in a relationship. A scar on your stomach isn't a way of life, it is a fact about you. Your preference for "bedroom" activities in my opinion is something you take time to learn about a person, it takes time to get to know someone on a personal level as far as compatibility is concerned and I think should be done on a personal level. Sometimes because of a persons beliefs, values, character, way of life I may choose not to even get to know them on a "personal" level. I joke about sex a lot, however really to me I don't have sex I make love and only when I find someone "special" enough to be in a relationship with.


Nancy, I agree with you on every thing you said. And that is what I meant about not putting to much in your profile. Some things are left to learn only when contact is made and a level of interest in each other is met. I for one admire the way you feel about sex and making love. Yes, there is a difference...a BIG difference. I'll admit, I am the same way. I can't say I've always been that way. But maturity has it's rewards. My body is only for one woman that I am in love with and loves me. some of us men actually do grow up.
 gentlemaNJIM4ONE
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 392 (view)
 
One third of older women date younger men
Posted: 8/27/2009 5:19:32 PM
So this means two thirds date men their own age and older. No big deal. To each his or her own.
However, probably more then two thirds of the men date women younger then themselves. duh! Who cares.
Attraction is what it is.

But I cna't see me dating a woman young enough to be my daughter. Or so young her parents are my age. Now that would be creepy!
 
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