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ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

How many dates before you decide Yea/Nay?? Posted: 2/17/2008 11:58:39 PM
Three. That's when I have an actual conversation about it and get on the same page, as well. I also try to limit physical involvement until then, as well. I want to know about their brain and conversation and basic compatibility, not how much skill they have in the sack. If my brain hasn't engaged with them by that time, then I'm not interested anyway.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Does Friends first ever really work? Posted: 2/17/2008 11:09:55 PM
Never having had a relationship move into permanence, I can't say that it works to establish permanence, but I can say that it has two very very good sides in a relationship that is not meant to be: 1. Your relationship is built on communication and commonality of interests, NOT clothes-ripping lust and immediate gratification. 2. If the relationship fails (which statistically is more likely than not), the breakup is much more likely to be friendly and you can maintain a friendly relationship, resulting in less trauma and tension among common friends and even family. I don't believe in drama and games, and do believe in honest evaluation of relationship potential. It saves everyone a lot of time, energy and effort if we can all be honest with ourselves. And I do believe in "Friends First" because that's where the basic compatibility is determined. You can't do that if you're too busy ripping eachother's clothes off.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Suscessful POF dates stories? Posted: 2/17/2008 10:56:28 PM
I'm relocated now, and didn't waste much time in Seattle. So far so good on a guy I'm seeing. We're having a good time and things look good.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 86 (view)

foreplay Posted: 2/11/2008 10:53:10 PM
This is a fantastic thread. Oh to be closer to Cowboy and Andy! Ah well. The idea of constant foreplay within a relationship and keeping eachother on our toes most of the time just appeals to me. I really hope more guys are reading this thread and taking extensive notes, and maybe even printing it to keep it for reference. It's really that good. I've had mostly really bad partners in bed. From Mr. "Oh we have ten minutes, let's have sex! You mean that's not foreplay?" to Mr. "Where do I put this thing and when? I only know that we have interlocking parts and I'm horny!" Though Cowboy left me thinking quite seriously about cloning, Garnet probably had one of the most interesting points when he said that we really need to give our partners permission to be selfish for them to truly enjoy pure receiving something like oral sex and that may come with the trust that in focusing the attention fully on the enjoyment of the act, we are actually giving back to our partners. If he doesn't keep my brain in the here and now by giving me that permission, my brain is racing ahead to the next thing that's going to happen and what my role will be in that. I'm a natural multitasker, and I'm sorry to say that I can and have multitasked sex. As with any multitasked anything, nothing gets your full attention, and each aspect of sex should really have that attention fully. But that permission and the trust that taking that permission is not going to be thrown back at you at some point is critical. People who will come at their partners in an argument with "I performed oral on you for like an hour and now you're XYZ" destroy that trust and permission from that point forward.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Washington's ^ v Game Posted: 2/6/2008 6:50:15 PM
^ Needs to stop being a wussified sissypants and fight the fists of fury on his own! < is allergic to kung pao chicken, but would like to substitute beef and broccoli, please v Should help Namagemo, 'cause it looks like he might need it!

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Can You Really have Hot Sex with a Religous Girl... Posted: 2/5/2008 11:22:33 PM
In short: Yes. I'm Catholic. I realize Catholic girls have been debunked as prudes in this thread, however I can offer some insight on WHY they are so wild. I had three years of diocesan Catholic high school and four and a half of Jesuit Catholic college. The high school sex ed and morality was a coordinated unit for three weeks between the religion teachers and the science teachers. Contrary to popular belief (and Catholic teaching!) we were taught all about all the various methods of birth control and exactly how they worked, all the types of abortions and how they were performed, and all the STIs that were known and part of the curriculum. HPV has since entered our awareness, unbeknownst to many of my generation. We practiced dealing with condoms, handled sponges, checked out what spermicide felt like (it was still marketed in the US then), and learned about pills. Whee! By all accounts, the education I got on sexual matters from my school was vastly better than anything my friends got from their assorted public schools. Then we tripped on over to Religion class where we learned about the dangers emotionally and relationally in premarital sex. We learned about the emotional effects of abortions and teen parenthood. We carried around a flour baby for two weeks. We watched Miracle of Life. Our Prom was held the Thursday before Memorial Day weekend, with Friday being a school holiday and Thursday being a half-day. That Thursday we only had one class, then we had a Mass called the "Marian Mass." The homily at that Mass invariably exalted the virginity of Mary and talked about the virtue of chastity and celibacy until marriage. The propaganda of it was pretty amusing, in retrospect. Catholic college reinforced previous teachings but also gave me the opportunity to learn about and contemplate where certain church teachings came from, like birth control teachings. It also gave me greater insight into where the required stuff ends and the optional stuff begins with regard to my faith. That same high school I graduated from had to revise their policies on girls graduating with visible pregnancy because a student came to them and said that she did not want to have an abortion but that if it came down to that or graduating from the school, she would choose an abortion and that is not a position any Catholic school should put anyone in. We're wild because we are educated on sex and all of its ramifications and if our Catholic education was done correctly, we also know about the "Catholic Loophole Clause." For those of you who aren't aware, that's the understanding of the difference between doctrine and dogma, and what that means to us, and it liberates us if we have truly thought about, prayed about and embraced our moral beliefs on sex and bedroom practices. They MUST be in sync for the Catholic Guilt to be kept at bay. It's powerful and not to be ignored. That said, I have never had sex with any guy I dated, nor have I ever lived with a significant other. Within the context of a relationship, sex and cohabitation are very different for me than as a random and ongoing NSA agreement with a friend to meet a mutual need or desire. I'm very deliberate and intentional in my relationships and the steps I take in them physically. My brain engages, then my heart, then my body, in part thanks to that very same Catholic education. A man who can respect that is worth his weight in gold, IMHO. So... You can have a ton of hot sex with a religious girl. It just depends on her views and where they came from and how they're structured, if they are structured at all. Just beware of that Catholic guilt. It'll get ya!

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Washington's ^ v Game Posted: 2/5/2008 10:53:31 PM
^ made me laugh < buried and lost her shovel while digging out of Super Tuesday results in the new digs that were actually dug during the Superbowl. v should find her shovel so she can help me find mine

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Military guys a go or no-go in washington? Posted: 2/5/2008 10:28:43 PM
Rakuun, "What you're allowed to do according the manual" and "What actually happens" are often two different things, EVEN WITH THE US MILITARY! Yes... I realize that might be a shock to you. The Portland Rose Festival is but one example of a place where uniforms are worn... everywhere. "Meet the Fleet" is a HUGE event and it all revolves around men and women in their uniforms out at the bars and clubs. And what ever happened to the OP and responding to military men as a go or no-go? My new job is just as portable, if not more so, than my last job. This one I don't even have to change employers! I just telecommute. So I have no problem with military men. :) I was going to PM Susu because this is better put there, but MAD props to her for slicing and dicing Mensaboy. It made me go all aflutter and giggle. :D

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

WOW Posted: 2/5/2008 10:15:41 PM
at least she didn't have sex with the guy and end up posting about his reluctance to wear a condom... In that case she'd just have her portion of the sex and leave him with the rest. Easy solution! Presto poofo! lol. I'm all for letting the body's natural ability to moisturize do its thing and saving water in the meantime! In fact, in a bizarre conspiracy theory-esque way, I believe that the beauty products companies got together and somehow promoted twice daily showers in America to promote increased sales of body washes, moisturizers, shampoos and conditioners. Most folks really don't need showers every day and it would probably be better for their skin if they didn't shower every day. Exceptions would be if you're actually getting dirty, grimy, smelly or gross at work. I work in an office. The dirtiest I get at work is if I have to crawl around on the floor plugging in office equipment under my desk or if the espresso machine spits at me. My strong feelings about daily showering compulsions and how much water and money they waste aside, there is no excuse for BO and actually being visibly dirty, unless the source of the dirt is nearby (like horses, or they just spent the day moving!) and the underneath layer has obviously been cared for recently. I am not quite sure why you agreed to dinner as a first meet. That's probably just a little dumb on your part and for your stupidity tax, you got to give 2 hours of your time to dinner with a bum. Congratulations. I'd rather give 2 hours of my time than the fifty bucks I gave the locksmith and the lost work time last time Stupidity Tax Day rolled around for me. I met a great guy last week and we're actually seeing more of eachother. We met at a coffee shop in a random hour we had free in our day. I was coming home from an event that had me away from the office and closer to home and out early and he had an appointment about an hour after I could get there. It was absolutely perfect for a low-pressure, no strings meet and greet with some coffee and short conversation and initial impressions. I have a pretty severe congenital issue with my upper teeth that hasn't been fixed yet, though it's in the works to happen this year, but I hate sitting there through a longer than necessary engagement knowing that he's wondering when the point is that he can gracefully excuse himself without hurting my feelings. I know my smile sucks. I'm not okay with it, but it is what it is and I deal with it as such. Coffee is a much better chance for them to see it, realize that my pictures were actually accurate, and make that decision. Anyone who is aware of something about themselves that's so obvious and possibly deal-breaking owes it to themselves and to the people they are meeting to keep first meets minimal in time expectations. I don't care whether it's physical deformity, disability, hygiene preferences, or whatever. That's the case with folks who are truly seeking dating... OP's guy sounds like he was looking for a free meal. I would have probably done the same thing as you, if I was in that situation, but I'm a content coffee drinker and I also like beer AND tea! So I've got three ready ways to meet someone without committing to dinner and its costs or committing him to a lengthy time with someone he knows he's not going to pursue anything with. :) Good luck next time!

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 134 (view)

Is politics a deal breaker for you? Posted: 2/5/2008 9:31:05 PM
It's not a dealbreaker for me at all, on one condition: They aren't evangelical about their politics. It all boils down to respect. We all come from different backgrounds and belief structures, and frankly some of the most interesting discussions I've had were with people who wanted to engage in intellectual discourse about political beliefs... but held the exact opposite beliefs from me. We both respected that the other believed what they did for a reason, and neither entered into the discussion with the intent to change the other's mind. We just were mutually curious. If THOSE are the discussions we have, then cool. If they are "I'm going to convert you to my beliefs!" discussions... well then we've got another situation. I actually got into a political discussion with a guy I went out with last weekend. It was great! We share similar beliefs, but at this point I'm REALLY not independently educated enough on the issues and the candidates of this election to make my beliefs, and I knew that I wasn't going to be able to vote in this primary anyway because I'd just moved, so I was waiting to do my research until closer to the general election. I've also got a ton of other things to do besides pay attention to who's saying what when the actual election I can vote in is nine months away. Long story short: I don't mind differing politics. I'll respect theirs if they respect mine. And that includes respecting my right to change my mind in light of new information without browbeating me with a "win."

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Washington's ^ v Game Posted: 2/5/2008 9:23:32 PM
^ Is amusing. < Found out what happened in the superbowl, and is now finding out about Super Tuesday. v Needs to be more creative than I am!

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

not in front of the kids Posted: 2/3/2008 4:13:51 PM
I'd wait a good while, and once you do meet the kids, you should probably involve them in at least a few of the dates, if not most. Hopefully there's a good sitter or grandparent who can watch the kids for the first couple of months. I'd hate to meet the kids and then get attached (I dearly adore them and just left teaching so I'm bound to attach to kids) and have it not work out. It's not fair to the kids to see a revolving door of dates come through. I also don't think that the prospective suitors should initiate ANYTHING in the way of physical contact. It's one thing to be receptive non-verbally, like standing with arms open for a hug and letting the child come to you, but it's another to present a verbal demand. I'd suggest becoming a mind reader, actually. ;) My parents are still married to eachother, but I've been in the position of being that random adult in a position of "Trust by proxy" either because of the school system or significant other endorsement, and kids have different approaches to physical affection. I've had kids who recoil at a simple hand on the shoulder to nonverbally let them know I'm there and I've had kids who wanted nothing more than a huge hug... and both were in the same classroom. Similarly, I've had one child of three of a guy I dated be fairly stand-offish, and the other two be affectionate. Expecting that a child give you affection just because you're dating their parent is ridiculous and ignores their individuality and personhood. Let them warm up to you on their own, but be receptive to it if they do try to initiate. Definitely discuss this with your partner and ultimately watch the kids for the signs that it's okay to be affectionate with them and around them.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Washington's ^ v Game Posted: 2/3/2008 3:59:14 PM
^ Perhaps lives in a jungle < Spent the weekend settling into new digs and ignoring the world and is finding her new church this evening v Should really be watching the superbowl so SOMEONE can tell me what happened

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Military guys a go or no-go in washington? Posted: 2/3/2008 3:51:52 PM
Susu is a perfectly good writer and is very clear in her words and meaning. I would suggest that you get off your high horse and get right to the responding if I were you. Beyond that, painting all women who are okay with dating military men with the same brush as those who are seeking military men specifically is simply uncalled-for and rude. I appreciate the fact that you come from a military background and have the experience to speak on this, but Susu has obviously chosen not to paint all military men with the same brush. A man is a man and he stands on his own merits, not necessarily representing all those in uniform in his individual dealings in romance. The military aspect and how it relates to acceptance or non-acceptance by women has much more to do with one of three things: (a) deployment periods and inherent danger of deployment to war zones; (b) the mindset that took them into the military in the first place and the mindset they developed while there as the result of that training; and (c) the frequent relocation that the US Military seems to so love to do. That's all.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

The Wingman Posted: 1/27/2008 11:30:14 PM
Wow. I've never in my life been aware of this, but I also avoided clubs that catered to a heterosexual clientele primarily. I always called my roomie my wingman (gal?) but we did it to keep an eye on eachother for protection, not to distract the friend of the hot one. During senior week of college it was almost imperative that one of us be sober and the other be the designated drinker that night, even if neither was driving. The sober one got to make the decisions. :) The night I wasn't there she made some very interesting decisions. I don't know that I'd care if it was a wingman or not. I don't usually pick up guys in bars and this thread has been VERY illuminating.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Do you care about finances when dating? Posted: 1/25/2008 1:26:45 AM
I do care about finances, but only insomuch as he can pay his bills, doesn't live with his parents for no good reason (there are good reasons to be living with your parents, even as an adult who has lived on their own!) and has a healthy relationship with money and his money values are in sync with mine. Next week I'm moving from shoestring budget to something a little more comfortable with a lot more wiggle room and ability to do things I've wanted to do for some time, even though my cost of living will be higher. I just hope I love working at the new job. Changing careers, jobs, "contact population," city and living arrangements is going to be overwhelming as it is. If I don't like the job, it's going to suck. There are lots of indicators of money values and how that's going to fare in those tough times when money is a sticking point. Denying that financial values are a part of what makes a couple compatible is dumb, in my opinion.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

Our Coffee Culture Posted: 1/24/2008 1:07:30 AM
A. I don't expect a free cup of coffee out of a meet. I'll get my own, thank you! And maybe his, too. From what I read on these forums, more than one guy here would appreciate the gesture, since it doesn't seem to happen often if you believe the anecdotal evidence. B. It's low pressure! First meets are pressure-filled enough without putting expense and a 5 course meal in the picture. A cup of coffee can last fifteen minutes or two hours (until both realize that their stomachs are growling and it's time for an actual meal, and go have one of those together) C. Why on earth would I dress up? Clothes that flatter and run a brush through my hair, perhaps, but I certainly wouldn't dress up for coffee. I refuse to do anything for a first meet that I wouldn't do every single day normally, because I believe that's lying to the person I'm meeting about my appearance and my choices about my appearance.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Our Coffee Culture Posted: 1/22/2008 11:01:41 PM
Grande Hot Astrolube with Whip, please! lol. Broward strikes again. I nearly forgot the eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not read posts by known comedians while drinking coffee, lest ye commit the cardinal sin of spitting... all over your keyboard. Thanks again. I still love my coffee. We just got a brand new Dutch Brothers here in Vancouver, and I'm not going to be around to enjoy it. Alas... I shall have to make due with what's available in Seattle. Oh the horror... Oh wait. I can actually live out the "Best in Show" experience. Whee! I actually will have what seems to be a well-stocked and elaborate coffee station at work, though I have yet to SEE the thing. I don't think I'll need Starbucks so much. Time will tell. I do tend to prefer lighter roasts than Starbucks house roast, though. That's like drinking mud!

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Let's say..... Posted: 1/22/2008 9:34:38 PM
I'm perfectly fine with porn. I'm not a visual person, so it's not something I enjoy, but that's certainly something many do and that's their choice. When I'm comfortable enough, I usually ask how much they have on the computer because that tends to be a favourite place to collect it. Interestingly enough... I've never yet had anyone tell me that they have none. All admitted it and some offered to share it. I do draw the line at snooping through his computer to find the porn myself. Now... if it came down to a discussion of shared abode and entertaining regular folks who weren't there for "fun" I'd hope we could come to an agreement that the porn should probably find a more permanent home than the living room table. Just like I don't leave my DVDs strewn about the living or bedroom or my magazines strewn across the living room table, I would expect the same of the porn, except I'd probably want to put it in a drawer. :) It's all good, though. Porn wouldn't affect my view of him at all other than to illuminate his fantasies without him having to tell me, which lets me be more creative. :)

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Our Coffee Culture Posted: 1/22/2008 12:26:24 AM
I'm an absolute unabashed coffee drinker. The single most romantic thing a guy did for me was bring me coffee, prepared the way I liked it and hot, five minutes before my alarm clock went off, and then wandered off to read the paper while I woke up and enjoyed my coffee in bed and woke up at my own pace. I own a coffee maker that grinds and brews my coffee fresh on a timer and keeps it in a thermal carafe, and I love it. I didn't learn to drink it until college, but then did so when I was building a study habit at largest coffee shop in Pullman, WA. It's tailor-made for students to spend hours reading and enjoying the coffee, and their coffee is fantastic. 4 years after college, I still go to a coffee shop when I need to buckle down and get some hardcore work done without distraction. I'll meet over coffee or beer, but not hard alcoholic drinks or wine. For some reason that seems more casual and low-pressure than other options. I cannot express how joyful I am to be moving to Seattle, where coffee flows like water and beer is not far behind. Portland is better for beer, but I'll take Seattle for the coffee. I'm not an addict, but it's definitely pure enjoyment and indulgence for me to drink a well-prepared espresso drink or freshly brewed medium roast. People probably opt to meet over coffee instead of without because it gives them something else to shift focus from the person they're talking to at times, something to fidget with when they're nervous, and something to discuss, as well as a place to sit! Some people grow very unsettled when the entire feel of the meeting is more like a job interview. Coffee can assuage that feeling a bit. Some places just don't lend themselves to conversation as well as others, and the great outdoors, while wonderful, is bitterly cold in many places for a significant portion of the year. I also don't want to hike on a first meeting, because I could be meeting a serial killer. Thank you no. I'll take my coffee date in a public place with some good conversation any day of the week. Then I'll get adventurous. Coffee is a better social lubricant than alcohol, in my book.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

The Foundations Posted: 1/22/2008 12:00:23 AM
^^^ indeed! OP, this made extraordinary amounts of sense to me and definitely holds quite a lot of truth in my mind. Thanks!

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

No Sex? Posted: 1/21/2008 12:39:28 AM
I was actually surprised to find a post like OP from a 20 year old. That is just slightly remarkable considering my experiences with the under-24 age group are not good at all when it comes to seeking emotional attachment prior to sexual pursuit. OP, growing older does not mean you must grow up. It's up to you how you age. The attitude and definite mental shift you described, though, is one that will probably lead to greater satisfaction in your relationships as you seek out women to date and allow you to be more discerning in who you continue that dating with. There's more to a relationship than how fast you can get them in the sack, how often you end up there, or how long you are there. Different people approach it different ways, and you will find your approach as well. You'll also probably be happier in those times you choose to be single because it's not the bedroom action you're looking for, but a deeper connection, and without that the bedroom action is pretty meaningless. Good luck, and consider this one of those good things, kinda like starting your retirement account early and realizing that because you did, you're WAY ahead of the game and get to enjoy more years of retirement and traveling the world as the result. :)

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

No Sex? Posted: 1/21/2008 12:01:13 AM
Well... they (who the heck "they" is, I'll never know) say that guys hit their sexual peak at 18. Meh. I don't know how true that is. I'm still approaching mine, according to the same brains. I don't think there's anything wrong with needing a person to attach lust and sexual desire to. I'm sure things will keep changing for you, but I'm an emotional creature. I don't just lust over a pretty face. I want good conversation and a solid sensible approach to life, too. When all that comes packaged with a nice guy that's easy on the eyes and doesn't need an instruction manual to make me purr... Game on.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

A potential mate and the state of their housing Posted: 1/20/2008 11:46:39 PM
TP has been an "excuse" for judging people--now I realize there CAN be a logical justification I hadn't considered. I actually have no preference one way or the other. I can use it either way and I really don't care how someone keeps theirs, as long as it's not in a heap below the TP holder (gross!) and they are dead set on it coming off the top, because that type of insistence would show a greater dedication to fashion and a total failure at function (or denial of problem), which is a direct and strong values conflict with me. I always opt for function over fashion, and if I can get away with both, then great! It's probably a good thing to notice someone's quirks to compare them to your own and be amused by them, as that's going to be part of living with someone. I told a date who came over for dinner that I keep my beer in the fridge in the living room and that he was welcome to help himself to it, but please stay out of my main fridge. He was gracious about it, but slightly surprised. He seemed appreciative that I maintain nearly "kosher" separation between entertaining space and living space. I don't invite people upstairs where my bedroom, bathroom and office are unless they are overnight guests who require use of a shower or the powder room is occupied. That's my inner sanctum. I will open my home to you, but please don't expect that I will give you a grand tour of every room. Neither office nor bedroom is decorated to show and the bathroom is functional as well. In my new house, I live on a different level than all the entertaining will be occurring on, and my roomie encouraged me to bring the beer fridge, which makes me happy. It makes a nice dry bar for entertaining as well, even if it is slightly ugly. Another of my quirks is that I like to have an inner and outer shower curtain, and I keep my shower curtain closed... all the time. I hate it when mildew grows on the bottom of the shower curtain because it's all scrunched up against one wall of the shower. It also keeps my bathroom looking neater and saves me the energy of cleaning that mildew off, because I never let it grow. When I have a house of my own, I'll probably opt for hard sliding doors on my shower, rather than a curtain. I also refuse to own a kitchen appliance that has only one function, unless it's a coffee maker. My coffee maker grinds the coffee beans fresh, brews on a timer, then keeps it warm with no additional energy output. An appliance that does better at getting me freshly ground and brewed hot coffee in the morning than any bed partner ever did... I can get behind that. Rice cookers, sandwich makers (including the Griddler which did NOT meet expectation at all), and other such single-purpose appliances baffle me! The only one I can truly understand, but still choose not to own, is a waffle iron. Waffles really can't be made any other way. I can make rice in a saucepan and grilled tuna sandwiches in a skillet. I know folks who keep towels in their bathrooms that... are not for use. Don't even think of using them. I love my best friend to death, but that's the house he was raised in and that's how he works. Different ways of making the bed are also funny. I opt for not making the bed. People who cover their couches with so many throw pillows you can't actually find the couch make me giggle. I keep a blanket on every soft seating surface in my house. Couch, chair, recliner... doesn't matter. There's always a blanket available because I'm frequently cold. They're big, fluffy and comfortable, and everyone is welcome to use them. Welcome to my world and my reasons for my quirks and habits. I'm always interested in finding out WHY people do things a certain way rather than just commenting that they do. The reasons are sometimes really illuminating.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 512 (view)

The one thing you miss most when you are single Posted: 1/20/2008 10:16:16 PM
I don't really miss much at all being single. I'm happy about 98% of the time. But there are those times when I just want to be held. That's all. Just held. A good cuddler is hard to find.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

A potential mate and the state of their housing Posted: 1/20/2008 9:17:49 PM
It is, for me. Exceptional circumstances aside, if the windows have obviously not been opened since he moved in, there are dust bunnies that are older than my 10 year old cat and the dishes are growing mold that's older than students I've taught, then I reserve the right to back out slowly, run away and never return. Vaccuming and airing the place out never killed anyone. I promise. It's one thing if there's a milk glass or a plate in the sink. It's another if you can't see the sink or the counters for the dishes. I've gone so far as to suggest that someone get rid of about half of their dishes because she had such poor housekeeping habits that she would use every dish in the house and let the ones on the bottom literally mold and smell horrid before she'd wash a single dish. She got a little upset at the thought that she didn't need SIX one-quart saucepans. I'm a cook and I own one and do JUST fine with that one. When I say exceptional circumstances, I mean extended or severe illness, disability, extended absence or other random circumstances. Presence of roommates, moving or renovation are also excuses for housekeeping issues. I had 18 paragraphs here... I deleted them because verbose, really. Basically how a man keeps his house can be an indicator of values. If his and mine are similar, I can safely guess that our values on money and housekeeping are going to be similar. If his is radically different from mine, well... you get the idea. Edited to add: I'm amused that he noticed your elements of tidiness. He was probably comparing them to his. I know of people who prefer the TP coming off the roll on the top, but for those who own cats or children who like to play with the toilet paper roll, putting it on with the toilet paper coming off the back is self-preservation and function over fashion. I know some of my quirks and why... They're all about function, 'cause I'm just a functional kinda girl.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

Panic,why does this happen with the sleep overs? Posted: 1/20/2008 7:01:07 PM
Staying the night in someone else's bed with them, if premature, destroys a relationship. Even with sex in the equation, I tend to prefer my space when I sleep. If he's visiting for a long weekend and lives far away, there's nothing wrong with asking him to sleep on the sofabed instead of in my bed if it's not the right time in the relationship to be sharing those VERY intimate times. I wake up nicely enough, but it's occurred to me that I will probably be the one who initiates that kind of shift in any relationship I'm in, because I seem to be fairly... slow to warm up and make that type of decision. And it will probably happen first that we fall asleep watching a movie on the sofa, and just deal with it. My last boyfriend was a long distance relationship and didn't understand that in the least and got VERY upset when I asked him to sleep on the sofabed for a very small portion of his three week visit. He went so far as to point out that I really only get like an hour or two to myself when I do that because I have about an hour before I sleep that I read and wind down and an hour when I'm waking up and just don't want someone else there. It's not that I'm grouchy... I just wanted that space. He maintained that those two hours weren't worth him spending the entire night on the sofabed. I disagreed heartily.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Why do GF's like to wear the shirt the BF just took off? Posted: 1/20/2008 6:41:00 PM
Fish_argh hit the nail on the head. It's all about how he smells uniquely. I'm not talking about BO, but just that combination of whatever he puts on, be it deoderant or aftershave or soap or whatever... There is definitely an unmistakable draw to it. Scent has been shown to call forth the most memories and the most emotions associated with them, and I'm sure "his shirt" is no different. That smell is unique to "him" and it's nearly the same as having his arms wrapped around me when he's not here. It definitely makes me smile.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 163 (view)

Would you be suspicious if someone only gave you their cellphone number n not their home number?? Posted: 1/20/2008 11:12:01 AM
I happen to know that my landline number has never been traceable by anyone with even more advanced tracing tools. You'd pretty much have to have a badge to get my address from my landline number because it's unpublished and always has been. I have the landline for DSL service. It was cheaper to get DSL plus landline than stand-alone DSL or Cable Internet. :) Go figure. My cell, on the other hand, is with me most of the time and I carry for my convenience and long distance. I view phones as necessary evils, but conveniences I maintain for me, not for other people to have me on a leash. I only give the cell number or stop using *67 to block it from Call ID when I'm going to meet someone and they actually need the number in case I get lost. Of course, I'm not married or attached in any way, so it doesn't matter which one I give out. I just prefer to give the landline because that ensures that when we talk, I'm available to talk and can take time to talk to them because I'm at home.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Being Single during the Holidays Posted: 1/19/2008 10:09:04 PM
I've always spent my holidays with my family, and I've always been against Valentine's day. My timing this year for actually being available to meet post-move sucks, because it puts first meet and whatnot right around V-Day, which is not my intent at all and frankly I couldn't care less if I'm single or dating on V-Day since I don't celebrate it. I shall live, and hopefully anyone I'm getting together with understands that I'm not out to get a man before V-Day to score the flowers or whatever the heck people do for this inane holiday that I am practically allergic to. I just want to meet people in my new city and this happens to be the time I'm available to do so.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 678 (view)

Whats an instant turn on for you Posted: 1/19/2008 12:48:29 PM
Turn on from across the room: A leather studded band around his bicep or pierced nipples. Don't ask me why. I have no clue. Maybe it's something about the kind of guy who would wear or do that, but the physical response is immediate and strong. Once we're closer, I like it when they talk when we're cheek to cheek and don't feel like doormats to me. Someone really needs to be as strong as I am to date me. Turn offs: Lying and seeming pimptastic. If a guy lies to me or is surrounded by women when we meet, I assume he's taken by one or just a player and move on.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

is kinky sex ds, bdsm, a bad thing Posted: 1/19/2008 12:14:28 PM
^^^ I only hope your preference doesn't involve lightbulbs and chickens. That would be odd indeed! Your preference, but I'd feel quite safe declaring it odd, and just a little scary because then I'd have questions as to the dead-ness and done-ness of the chicken and how you deal with sanitation there and what the story on the lightbulb is... etc. I think many people are curious about it, some have experienced it and discarded it, some more have experienced it and loved it, and finally some are so tight that they only think vanilla thoughts and think that the only position out there is missionary and omg I'd want to kill that last type of person, in the sweetest most loving way, of course. They just need to live a little. Bring. It. On. :) Just be smart about it. I think the worst experience someone can have is with a person who has failed to see to their safety and ensure constant communication of consent and comfort in both the emotional and physical realm. There are workshops in nearly every city in America on this and if a couple is seriously interested in kink, there are ways to ensure that the activity they want to engage in is safe for both parties. The issue of restraint is a huge one... How does the dominant partner ensure blood flow to all extremities? If something happens to the dominant partner, how will the one who is restrained remove themselves from the restraints to attend to them? (Fast, independent and available release is a sticking point for me, actually, as I believe that there should be a struggle-proof, but available method for the restrained to free themselves without the assistance of the dom if necessary) How is communication and stop-sign achieved if one is gagged? What IS the safe word and stop-sign? What are the partners' limits? All that will be discussed in workshops and I would encourage anyone who is interested in it to go take them. It'll open up communication between you as a couple and help you explore your kink in a way that's safe for both without inadvertently getting yourself into an emergency room kind of situation. ;)

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Do you remember when you went from Tomboy to Woman? Posted: 1/19/2008 5:09:00 AM
I'm still a tomboy at heart. I can climb mountains, ride horses, sail boats, pitch tents, camp, fish and shoot with the best of them and love doing all those things... As far as appearances go, I'm comfortable in the backwoods without a shower for a week and I'm comfortable in an evening gown and an updo. I think my versatility is what makes me most attractive, actually. I'm very multidimensional. I will replace "woman" with "sexual being" and say that it was a very gradual shift, but the first time happened when I was probably in about eighth grade and was at the eighth grade farewell dance. I put the "sexual being" away for awhile while I attended Catholic high school and realized that the girls there were LEAGUES ahead of me as far as beauty and experience went, so I was rather bookish and still prefer to be. But when I got into college I figured out that my hair down and contact lenses really helped. I like my hair in a ponytail though, so it took a long time to let go of that, and I finally started leaving it down all the time when I got tired of being asked for my hall pass when I was working at high schools as a certified teacher. I was damn dressy to be a student. That's what made the shift more permanent for me. To this day, though, I'm still quite happy climbing those mountains, riding the horses, sailing the boats and scaling the cliffs. Bring it. I'm a woman who is comfortable in the boardroom, the classroom, the bedroom and the great outdoors. If that makes me a tomboy, then so be it. I reserve the right to look cute while being in any or all of those places.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Value Judgments, evangelism and insulting prospective dates in IM Posted: 1/19/2008 4:56:47 AM
^^ It is scary. Thankfully it was evident and I was attempting the nice way to say "I don't think this is going to happen." Ah well. More fishies in the seas. As for the politics forums, I'm sure they do get hairy, and I'd be happy to participate if I could moderate them as well. I do political and current events discussions on another board where the rules are strict and the mods are swifter. I'm also a mod on those boards and have been for three years, but I only choose to moderate blatant rules violations outside of the forums I frequent, and do smaller community moderation within the forums I frequent. It's all good though. Definite views on things don't phase me. Evangelical bullies just scare me and make me want to run for the hills. I don't even care what they're evangelizing. They could actually be evangelizing exactly what my beliefs are, and if they're ardent enough about it then I get just a little spooked.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 262 (view)

Ladies....would you wear a t-shirt, flip-flops, and shorts 1st time meeting someone? Posted: 1/19/2008 4:50:20 AM
Flip flops are not something I wear unless I'm about to teach a swim lesson and am currently wearing a swim suit on a pool deck. For wearing around outside, I prefer something that fastens more securely to my foot and supports my arch better than flip flops, but I'd totally show up in my deck sandals, some cute shorts and a cute t-shirt if the circumstances were right. I think that look is perfect for summer, shows off a nice (natural) tan and highlights what I think is my best feature :) Legs. Oh... and when I wear sandals, my feet are pedicured. That's a given. I also live in the NW, where in Portland, Birkenstocks are considered uniform, with socks in the winter and without in the summer, and umbrellas are a reason to laugh and point at a person. I came from Spokane, where tank tops and sandals are endorsed for wear nearly anywhere by general consensus anytime the weather is above fifty degrees. And I'm moving to Seattle where any break in the rain that results in actual direct sunlight warrants a break from work to go out stand in the sun to make Vitamin D. Why, again, are you complaining? You're funny. Lighten up and let us be cute. We can do that without being in suits and scarves, ya know.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Value Judgments, evangelism and insulting prospective dates in IM Posted: 1/19/2008 4:41:11 AM
^^ Indeed. You only have my side of the story, but it is one example of how passion and deep down belief can override even socially appropriate interaction training and this just shocked me. I never expected it on first interaction. I've run into it with music, vegetarianism, everyone's favourites: religion and politics, environmentalism, abortion and gay rights of all types. Now, I'm not evangelistic on these beliefs, and not particularly vocal about them, other than the fact that I really don't care what other's beliefs are, as long as they don't foist them off on me and expect me to adopt theirs. In that case I say something because I think it's a public service to tell someone when they're being a nuisance evangelizing something as inane as music or politics. Religion is where you typically hear the term, but I do believe it can be broadly applied to anything that is a deeply guiding force in someone's life that they believe is steering them right. I guess it's a good thing that they are showing it in IM, but geez... you'd think they'd have a little more awareness. Then again, I did trot off to the forum and start a thread about it which shows up on my profile. Oh well.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 80 (view)

First contact... how many times do you attempt contact before giving up? Posted: 1/19/2008 1:45:22 AM
I have been using my favourites list as a sort of set of bookmarks for people I want to contact once I get into my new place and settled a bit, but don't want to contact yet because if there is chemistry I don't want them put off by the fact that I won't really be available to go out and play much until mid-February seriously. It's not that I don't want to meet them, it's that I really have that much to do and will probably be that exhausted for those first few weeks there, and that's hardly the time to start a relationship. I'd rather wait until I've caught my breath and can say "Sure! Lunch on Thursday sounds great." It just seems more polite to wait to contact until I can actually respond in the affirmative instead of with an excuse about getting settled and connecting with friends and roommates and jobs if they want to meet. On the flipside, I've talked with one that I favourite listed and we had what I thought was a nice chat, with phone numbers exchanged. He seemed to think I lived in Canada, which I thought odd but was sorted out by the end of the IM conversation. I called him later and he said he'd call me back, but I was 99% sure he hadn't actually written my phone number down and I don't show my number on caller ID when I call, so I did drop him a message with my number. He hasn't called. I'll probably drop him one more (along with emailing all the others on my favourites list) when I get to Seattle on the fair assumption that he doesn't want to email and phone call for three weeks prior to meeting, however that's as far as I'm willing to go. If he's not interested, he won't respond. Once I'm in the city and there's no extended time-table for meet and greet, I'll respond and if there's no interest or response, then so be it. I refuse to beat a dead horse. That's a waste of my time.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Suscessful POF dates stories? Posted: 1/19/2008 1:36:12 AM
Thanks Rob!! I felt horrible for having to put him off for so long, because I was really that miserable and we worked such opposite schedules that our opportunities were definitely not as plentiful as most, but I'm glad he was patient. That seems to be an enduring quality of his as well, so I'm feeling pretty lucky. We'll see what happens with the move and putting three hours between us. I'm finally feeling better again, which is definitely welcome both in general and for the move and dating.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Value Judgments, evangelism and insulting prospective dates in IM Posted: 1/19/2008 1:26:09 AM
^^ His ketchup pentacle and stuffed goat or evangelizing via first contact? Or both? And Ignoble, how did you get the stains out of the rug?

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

What is your experience with this one? Posted: 1/19/2008 1:12:04 AM
OP, I've done this, as the one who couldn't keep going and came back later. I had every intention of giving the relationship a chance, but before it could really get going it became long distance and I had a MAJOR professional whammy thrown into my life. I really needed to take a step back and recover from that emotionally before I could focus on dating and exploring a romantic relationship with anyone else. I don't date unless I bring a version of myself who is stable and happy into that relationship. I wasn't stable and I wasn't happy. Starting a relationship that way just ensures co-dependence and I prefer to be confident and stable when I start relationships. He let me step back and I did so, stabilized myself again and resumed the romantic relationship. Unfortunately he and I had very different views on dating, ostensibly because he is five years younger than I am and quite a bit less experienced in dating due to his choice of places to live on the globe. The combined long distance and lack of ability to get on the same page proved insurmountable and the romance failed, though the friendship survived. I don't think they're always out getting it somewhere else, but sometimes life deals us blows that need to be handled and building a new relationship while dealing with a major life event is often too much. Major life event trumps new relationship, but that doesn't mean the interest in the person wanes. It just means it needs to be put on hold. The last thing I want to put someone through at the start of a new relationship is a major life trauma that's going to take awhile to recover from.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Value Judgments, evangelism and insulting prospective dates in IM Posted: 1/19/2008 12:58:00 AM
haha. This is true. I think I was more aghast that he was truly addressing something like music to evangelize on. It just seems to me that there are better things to try to convert people on, like maybe abortion or recycling, or I'd even take religion! But hey... whatever floats his boat. It seemed odd to do it in a first contact. He sees deeper meaning in the music, I see deeper depression in it. It's all relative. lol (and I use this totally sarcastically). I was the one to point it out as a possible conflict that would arise, since his entire profile was about the music and how he basically idolized it and the person who created it and I actually really don't like either the music or the person who created it. I was just really confused when he decided to declare me judgmental and then told me my music lacked deeper meaning and wasn't sensible. That doesn't make sense. Ideas are certainly welcome. :)

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Sharing Trip Expenses Posted: 1/19/2008 12:39:31 AM
OP, I am surprised that you're expecting him to take you with him. You seem to feel entitled to go, when you are not a spouse and not a child. My family isn't the exotic vacationing type of family, as I grew up in a very blue collar household that lived on a single income. I still expect to pay my half of things when I go out. I will protest if I am unable to do so, or offer to cook at home because it would be more intimate and cheaper. That's not to say I skimp at home. The ingredients are good and the meals are good, but the end cost is much cheaper and I can often do an entire meal for two from salads through dessert for less than the cost of one (of the two we'd be ordering!) expensive meal out. As for complaining because he pays for your meals with coupons and bragging that you pay for his without... That's just stupidity on your part. Coupons are obviously acceptable to him, so it's incredibly ridiculous for you to insist on paying full-price for something you could get for half-price, especially when you're the one on a more limited budget. You may as well go to the Rent-To-Own store and insist on paying THEIR price for a something that's used rather than going to the CL ads and finding the same item for about a quarter of the cost. And that may actually be a major dealbreaker for him when it comes to furthering things with you. He'd rather save that third of the value of the new car that's lost when you drive off the lot with it and buy a gently used model, where you'd rather have the status of a brand-spanking new model with all the extras, even if you'll never use them. The insistence that you pay more (perhaps out of pride?) for something that he can get for half the cost with a coupon would show that you are definitely not on the same plane as far as money is concerned. Money doesn't grow on trees, and failing to save it where you can could be part of your limited budget issue. You should see what I can do with my grocery bill with some simple coupon-clipping and ad-watching. It actually makes a serious difference in my bottom line at the end of the month. I'd have issues with someone who had a problem with the way I work my money to make my budget work for me. You do sound like someone who is entirely money-focused in a very bad way to me, in all honesty. I wouldn't want to take you on vacation either. Dinner is one thing, and I've stated before that once we're courting I can see income coming into play when dinner is being paid for because that's serious dating and more commitment and time, but you're talking about thousands of dollars worth of vacation spending. That's a lot more than I would expect even for a honeymoon expenditure. I'd still probably expect to discuss contributing to a honeymoon fund together, and probably best compromise at a percentage equal to what I'm bringing into the financial picture of our marriage. So if I'd be bringing in 40% then I'd contribute 40% of what our honeymoon would cost. And if I'd be bringing in 70% (scary thought because I know how shaky his financial ground would be on that!) then I'd be contributing that much. I'd probably also expect a similar financial division for courting, actually. All couples are different, though. I can get a quality filet mignon, cooked the way I like it and served with sides I like for about 10 bucks a plate (It used to be cheaper but then Kansas froze over and beef got expensive) if I do it at home, and that includes the wine. Out at a restaurant, that same meal can cost as much as 30 or 40 depending on the location and the size of the steak. I'd rather have four meals at home than one out, thank you. It's the same dollars and I get more quality time. In fact, last year for Christmas we did prime rib for less than 10 a plate when all was said and done, and it was "name brand" beef from one of the best producers west of the Rockies. We cooked it at home and loved every bit of it, but those are the values I was raised with. There's no reason good prime rib should have to cost 30 bucks a plate when you can easily do it at home just as well for less. Paying less does not mean you got a worse end-product if you enjoyed the end-product just as much as if it cost more. Coupons do not decrease your enjoyment of the meal itself, I'm guessing. Good luck and I hope you enjoy your poverty with someone who shares your values.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Value Judgments, evangelism and insulting prospective dates in IM Posted: 1/18/2008 11:52:40 PM
I will start off by saying that I hate Value Judgments. They're pretty easy to spot and we all make them all the time, when we deem something sensible, meaningful, stupid, right, wrong, sinful, moral, just... etc. We base these judgments in our own morals and values and it's important to have them for ourselves. But what about when we impose them on other people that we might date or be dating? Do you make those values statements in your profile? There are some that are downright turnoffs to me and make me move along with haste. There are others that make me more think about my own values and where that statement fits in with them. It's possible to have likes and dislikes without making moral and value-based judgments of others likes and dislikes because they differ from our own. Someone can like all the tomatoes they want. That doesn't affect me one way or the other and really they're not hurting anyone with it, so why should I go try to convert them to my personal choices which would include a completely tomato-free diet?? In this case, I just had a guy IM me as first contact and get nearly evangelical about my music choices versus his and specifically called his more meaningful and sensible than mine when mine were admitted and firm. I have to wonder how evangelizing for something such as music tastes furthers his goal to actually meet me, which he'd already proposed. Then he went so far as to call me judgmental when I so nicely informed him that I wasn't entirely sure we'd be compatible, given his strong, strong advocacy for his music choices and heroes on his profile. He responded with what amounted to evangelism and by default, labeled anything that wasn't what he listened to not sensible or meaningful, which is pretty insulting. Needless to say, I won't be meeting him anytime in this lifetime, because being browbeaten is not my idea of a good time. The same thing happens with dietary choices, religion or politics or sports or anything we are passionate about. What is the point of browbeating someone over something that really has no right or wrong answer and whose convictions run as deep as your own, in a FIRST IM??? I wonder. Has this happened to you? What was it over and how did you extricate yourself from it? Is there a way to co-exist with someone like that, ala Mary Matalin and James Carville? I did search evangelism, religion, conversion and as many other topics as I could think this might be covered under... I came up with nothing. Apologies if it's been done.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

No strings dating Posted: 1/18/2008 4:08:26 PM
I should also add that if I ended up dating someone and sex entered the picture with them, anyone who was currently an FWB would have to put the benefits on hold temporarily or permanently. That's part of my understanding and communication with anyone I am in an FWB relationship with. Sex should mean exclusivity, in my book. I would definitely communicate that to my partner as well, for at that time, they go from being "The guy I'm dating" to "my partner."

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

No strings dating Posted: 1/18/2008 4:01:54 PM
I guess this leads to my next question for those of you who have/have had succesful no strings relations. Do you typically only have no strings with certain people? In other words, when thinking of having a no strings partner are there some you avoid because you know you could get in deep emotionally (ie, do you only pick people you think/know you can't get attached to)? Or when you say you want no strings you know it doesn't matter who it is... you will not get attached because that's where you're at at that time. I only engage in no-strings sexual relationships with people that I know and trust and have attraction to, but no long-term potential with. It's always mutual and communicated. I enjoy my friendships with them outside the bedroom as much as I enjoy our time inside the bedroom. They are the ones I can actually talk to deeply and personally about issues I'm having with a guy I'm dating and the sexual issues that may come up. They understand me in my entirety and are probably the most satisfying cuddlers I've been with so far. I'm deeply emotionally attached to them as friends, and would mourn that loss if they decided that the sex was the only worthwhile thing about the relationship. However I'm not looking to marry them because of one or two major dealbreakers. They are friends with benefits. They are not friends with benefits and potential. In all my FWB relationships we've recognized that something wasn't there as far as long-term potential went, but other aspects were there.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

How often per week is a normal sex life? Posted: 1/18/2008 3:55:12 PM
If I'm in the mood and have a partner with a drive to match mine, I'm good for three or four times a day with morning being the best, preferably before six am and the wildest being right before dinner. I've found that I'm flexible as far as frequency goes, though. It's different if I'm with a person in a "living" situation (visiting for a long weekend) versus seeing them only for booty call (local FWB), though. I've never actually slept with someone I've dated though, so I can't speak from that angle.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

is kinky sex ds, bdsm, a bad thing Posted: 1/18/2008 3:50:27 PM
^^^^ but what about former presidents? Are they okay? It's not a bad thing at all. It definitely adds spice to life and increases trust and communication between people as they explore their deepest and most hidden and socially taboo fantasies with eachother safely, sanely and consentingly. I think it can definitely bond a couple more (no pun intended!) than plain old run of the mill vanilla sex if both enjoy it. Many couples who engage in kinkier sex have much closer bonds and enjoy better communication than couples that don't. Enjoy and play safe.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Visiting Seattle this week Posted: 1/18/2008 3:11:14 PM
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I look forward to moving there more every day.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

Is it better to stay clear of your Girlfriend while she's on her period. Posted: 1/17/2008 11:47:23 PM
I don't know that I'd stay clear, unless she gets hormonal and horrible and won't discuss it. I get less physically involved and more insecure and some of my little idiosyncracies get stronger, like REALLY not liking to be cold. I normally don't like to be cold anyway, but it just gets worse. I want to cuddle and snuggle more, but don't even think of getting near my waist or anything below it unless you're hitting the pressure point for cramps (at the base of the calf muscle right as it narrows to the achilles, in case you were wondering. Stiff pressure there on both sides for about fifteen minutes and they're GONE). I'm more tired, but I still don't want to neglect the people around me. Just be understanding of her and as crazy as it sounds, try to read her signals. You could also try to talk to her about it. You don't seem like the kind of guy who turns green and runs at the discussion of periods, so it wouldn't hurt to have that conversation with her. She might just tell you that she prefers having you around or maybe she'll tell you that she really feels more like having alone time so that's probably a good time for you to go on the trips. Bringing home (or taking her out for) a steak dinner for two wouldn't be ill-advised either. That's the time we need iron the most.

ladysailingbuff

Joined: 2/4/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

What is a polite way to tell someone they have a wardrobe malfunction? Posted: 1/17/2008 11:33:51 PM
I think a note is actually a nice way for a stranger to know. Jot it down and hand it off and let them handle it as you wander off. I do think you handled it very gracefully when others would have said nothing and let the person blithely continue gadding about with the nipple hanging out. I'm with everyone else, though. How she failed to notice that it was out and cold... I will never know. I usually figure out pretty fast that the girls are making an appearance. Ah well. You did the right thing. My wardrobe malfunction moment happened when I was teaching 4th grade... And had a panty line showing through my khaki skirt. It's a nice, fitted, knee length skirt, and apparently requires a different choice in underwear than mine that day, or pantyhose, or something... But I intercepted a note that the kids were passing around that said "The teacher has a panny line." Aside from being rather amusing and mortifying at the same time, I realized that I had to talk to the kids in question. One was sobbing hysterically and the other was scared. I told them that the polite thing to do is pass the note to the teacher if they must pass a note. I stayed seated in the teacher's chair for the rest of the day helping them from there instead of walking around the room, and I've since sadly given up wearing that skirt, but it was definitely illuminating.

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