I am in the process of getting a new place but its just an everyday thing. My mom yells because shes spoiled dad yells because she cries its a losing game and I mean is there anything i can say to make them realize this is my child and i dont exactly want their advise on how to raise it

i am a pregnant lady. i ant realy looking for someone to date just someone to laugh with. most guys still wonna date me. but i ant really looking for that unless i really get along with them and right now i doubt i will find that.

Oh now NappyKat, you know they will say he is the exception, not the rule.... (said with extreme sarcasm)....don't you know that children without fathers or children with moms who are like the one you describe can't possibly be high achievers and if they do it is a complete and utter fluke? (yup, more sarcasm) I mean after all, us women who have "**stard" children or even worse, "**stard" children by multiple fathers are the scorge of the earth and responsible for everything bad in society.....didn't you get the memo? I can send you a copy if you didn't get it. (wow, I'm so sarcastic at the moment....sawry).

As I have said over and over and over again......(should cut and paste so I don't have to keep typing it and finding the links to support it).....

If a child grows up with a loving, decent parent(s) .... (oh hell you all can fill in the blanks, I'm tired of typing it).

There are many freaks of society who grew up with two parents and their siblings all had the same parents.....(I'm sure some of them of these here boards had two parents and shared the same parents with their siblings and quite honestly.....oh never mind)

Threads like this are extremely judgemental and very condescending to read...they make me sick!

There are never any guarantees with our children...the best we can do is provide them with a loving home and opportunities to grow and develop into confident, law abiding adults.
Author:

Barbara Dafoe Whitehead noted in her seminal article for The Atlantic Monthly:
The relationship [between single-parent families and crime] is so strong that controlling for family configuration erases the relationship between race and crime and between low income and crime. This conclusion shows up time and again in the literature. The nation's mayors, as well as police officers, social workers, probation officers, and court officials, consistently point to family break up as the most important source of rising rates of crime.(6)


http://www.cato.org/testimony/ct-wc67.html

Sara McLanahan and Gary Sandefur, using evidence from four nationally representative
data sets, compared the outcomes of children growing up with both biological parents, with
single parents, and with step-parents.6 McLanahan and Sandefur found that children who did not
live with both biological parents were roughly twice as likely to be poor, to have a birth outside
of marriage, to have behavioral and psychological problems, and to not graduate from high
school. Other studies have reported associations between family structure and child health
outcomes. For example, one study found children living in single-parent homes were more likely
to experience health problems, such as accidents, injuries, and poisonings.7
Of course, most children in single-parent families will not experience these negative outcomes.
But what is the level and degree of risk for the average child? The answer depends on the
outcome being assessed as well as other factors. For example, McLanahan and Sandefur reported
that single-parent families had a much higher poverty rate (26 percent) than either two-parent
biological families (5 percent) or step-families (9 percent). They also found that the risk of
dropping out of high school for the average white child was substantially lower in a two-parent
biological family (11 percent) than in a single-parent family or step-family (28 percent).8 For the
average African American child, the risk of dropping out of high school was 17 percent in a two-
parent family versus 30 percent in a single- or step-parent family. And for the average Hispanic
child, the risk of dropping out of school was 25 percent in a two-parent family and 49 percent in
a single- or step-parent family.
Up to half of the higher risk for negative educational outcomes for children in single-parent
families is due to living with a significantly reduced household income. Other major factors are
related to disruptions in family structure, including turmoil a child experiences when parents
separate and/or re-couple with a step-parent (including residential instability), weaker
connections between the child and his or her non-custodial parent (usually the father), and
weakened connections to resources outside of the immediate family—that is, other adults and
institutions in the community that the non-custodial parent may have provided access to.9
When controlling for other differences in family characteristics, such as race, level of parents’
education, family size, and residential location, McLanahan and Sandefur found little difference
in outcomes for children according to whether the single-parent families were a result of non-
marital births or divorce. However, children of widowed parents do better than children of other
types of single-parent families with similar characteristics.
http://docs.google.com/gview?a=v&q=cache:pQg5UmeJH2oJ:www.clasp.org/admin/site/publications_states/files/0086.pdf+children+better+outcomes+two+parents+vs.+single+parent+household&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESh86o7i33V6ndzCs-QA9SPsvVwu9hqaEccxOrfMiITANAy0kUM26XOWJUz4mGWEvZ6QA6TdkoKBWgOxp5pMbwnklG8CAC8h8xQWryMf4a1B4LCDa1RFDjdNHbyFAlv-d2_TNkWF&sig=AFQjCNH0HgnbOhmTqH5MdKu7nh_3MAuPdg

I agree.

I just asked this question on another website. The thread was discussing marriage and why some people weren't married. It talked about what a huge decision getting married is, how it took time to make sure the person they were with was the right person, etc., etc., YET THEY ALREADY HAD CHILDREN WITH THESE PEOPLE!

I asked them this:

Shouldn't the decision about whether or not, when, and with whom one has children be an even BIGGER decision than deciding upon whom to marry?

I have 4 kids, by me and the forth is not. I have raised her as myown since she was six (now13). I treat her no different than my bio-kids and now that their mom is gone that hasn't changed a thing. I guess it's about the situation and not the fact that they are by different parents.

well matariki, i lose respect for anyone that chooses to have children w/someone that will not make a lifetime commitment to another..i always wonder why someone would go through the nine months of pregnancy, labor, and financial/emotional challenge of raising a child that is partly made by someone that will not become legally theirs for life..but hey to each its own..i guess nowadays alot of women take on being a single mother head on..its one thing to go in it knowing the man/woman is not the ideal partner but you CHOSE them anyway to mother/father your seed, but to pick a less ideal one..not smart! if people chose the mothers/father of their potential offspring like they did buying a house/finances etc.alot would be in a better place..

Ok I'm probably shooting myself in the foot here but I need to get some opinions...And this is in NO way a pity thread, I'm just conveying my situation to see if there is anyone out there who can give me some honest thoughts/answers...

My husband left me and our 5 1/2yr old twins a year and a half ago. We had structured our lives around the premise that I would stay home with them until they started school full time (next fall). We went through IVF treatments so with all that I haven't worked out of the house in 7 yrs. I'm 42 and financially dependent on his child support and alimony. I own my house and have everything I need. I'm not looking for someone to support me or us, and I don't need another father for my kids.

So that's my situation, here's my question: Is there anyone out there who thinks this situation is dooming my ability to find a partner? Honestly I understand why some men are not eager to get involved with me and my situation, as this is not ideal for starting a life, but are there exceptions and should I keep trying? This is all new to me and although I love my life there is that missing element and I'm not sure where or how to find it....

I'd appreciate some input and I'm perfectly aware I will probably get some harsh comments but it's worth it if I get some clarity...Thank you

**BTW: there is absolutely no drama between me and my ex, we get along fine**

Because people are closed minded and think that you should stay with the person no matter what the reason for you leaving is... Even if it means he's physically abusive and decided to leave to save your life and possibly the lives of your kids... You're supposed to just stay with him and wait for him to kill you...

I was expecting most of the negativity Ive heard. Makes me laugh to think of the hypocrisy of some of the posters. A lot of the same people state that women get pregnant to trap a man, I got pregnant and completely let the man go, but you cant win for losing with some people. lol

Oh if my parents only knew how little time AND space I needed to "do it" when i was a teenager!! lol

A 15 year old girl is on the birth control pill. She misses two pills in the first week of a cycle, during that week- her and her boyfriend have an "oops" and don't use a condom.

Do you take her for a Plan B?

I am just looking for opinions......

How Emergency Contraception Works
How does emergency contraception prevent pregnancy?

Researchers have identified several ways that hormonal emergency contraceptive pills (also called "morning after pills" or "day after pills") likely prevent pregnancy. How they might work in your case depends on where you are in your monthly menstrual cycle when you use them. But no matter when you take emergency contraception, it will not cause an abortion. For more about how EC works, read this article in Journal of the American Medical Association.

Studies show that both progestin-only and combined emergency contraceptive pills can prevent or delay ovulation (the time in your cycle when your ovaries release an egg). If you take emergency contraceptive pills before fertilization (the point when the egg and sperm meet), they may interfere with the process of fertilizing the egg, for instance making it harder for the egg or the sperm to travel (and meet up) in your reproductive tract. It’s also possible that emergency contraceptive pills work after fertilization, making it impossible for the fertilized egg to implant in your uterus; however, the best available evidence suggests that ECPs’ ability to prevent pregnancy can be fully accounted for by mechanisms that do not involve interference with post-fertilization events.
http://ec.princeton.edu/questions/ecwork.html

Types of Emergency Contraception
Can I use any birth control pills for emergency contraception?

To have the best chance of preventing pregnancy in the few days after sex, you should use one of the oral contraceptives listed on this website as emergency contraception. Here you will find all the birth control pill brands available in the United States and worldwide that contain the hormones that have been most widely studied and found safe and effective as emergency contraceptive pills (“morning after pills” or “day after pills”).
http://ec.princeton.edu/questions/ecother.html

Types of Emergency Contraception
Which birth control pills can be used for emergency contraception in the United States?

There are nearly two dozen brands of pills that can be used for emergency contraception in the United States today. Plan B One-Step, Plan B and Next Choice, which contain just the hormone progestin, are the only products specifically approved and marketed here as emergency contraceptive pills. You can also use a different dose of a number of brands of regular birth control pills. While these are not sold specifically as emergency contraceptive pills, they have been proven safe and effective for preventing pregnancy in the few days after sex. These daily birth control pills contain two hormones, progestin and estrogen.

Some emergency contraceptive pills are taken in two doses. You take the first dose as soon as possible (up to 120 hours after you have sex without using birth control, your birth control failed, or you were forced to have sex. You take the second dose 12 hours later (although being an hour or two early or late probably won’t make a difference in how effective the pills are). If you are using Plan B or Next Choice, you have the option of taking both doses at the same time. Plan B One-Step contains the same amount of progestin as Plan B or Next Choice, but there's only one pill to take. Keep in mind that emergency contraceptive pills are most effective the sooner they are taken after sex. Emergency contraceptive pills have no long-term or serious side effects, and it is safe for almost every woman to use them.

Here are some other things to know about taking emergency contraceptive pills:
• Don’t swallow extra pills. They probably won’t reduce your risk of pregnancy any more than the recommended dose for emergency contraception. But they will make it more likely you’ll feel sick to your stomach (one of the more common side effects).
• If you feel sick to your stomach, it should be only mild nausea that goes away in a day or so.
• If you throw up within an hour after taking the pills, call your health care provider. You may need to repeat a dose, and it might make sense to take some anti-nausea medication (Find out more about side effects here).
• If you have any other symptoms you are worried about, contact your health care provider. Ask for an appointment right away if you have:
• Severe pain in your leg (calf or thigh)
• Several abdominal pain
• Chest pain or cough or shortness of breath
• Severe headaches, dizziness, weakness, or numbness
• Blurred or loss of vision or trouble speaking
• Jaundice (if you see a yellowish tint in the whites of your eyes, your skin, or your mucus membranes)
• Your next period should start within the next month, although it might come a few days early or late (Find out more here). If you don’t get your period by the time you expect it, you might consider getting a pregnancy test.
• Start using a regular birth control method you think you’ll be able to use every time you have sex because that will be more effective than relying only on emergency contraception. And, if there’s any chance you could be at risk of sexually transmitted infections, use a condom.
The table below lists all of the brands of oral contraception available in the U.S. which you can use to prevent pregnancy in the few days after sex. For information about how to use a specific pill as an emergency contraceptive, click on the brand name in the table.

Looking for options for emergency contraceptive pills in another country? Click here.
 

Table 1. Oral contraceptives that can be used for emergency contraception in the United Statesa 

Brand
Company
First Doseb
Second Doseb
(12 hours later)
Ethinyl Estradiol
per Dose (µg)
Levonorgestrel
per Dose (mg)c
Progestin-only pills
Next Choice
Watson
2 peach pills
Noneb
0
1.5
Plan B
Teva
2 white pills
Noneb
0
1.5
Plan B One-Step
Teva
1 whilte pill
None
0
1.5
Combined progestin and estrogen pills
Alesse
Wyeth
5 pink pills
5 pink pills
100
0.50
Aviane
Barr/Duramed
5 orange pills
5 orange pills
100
0.50
Cryselle
Barr/Duramed
4 white pills
4 white pills
120
0.60
Enpresse
Barr/Duramed
4 orange pills
4 orange pills
120
0.50
Jolessa
Barr/Duramed
4 pink pills
4 pink pills
120
0.60
Lessina
Barr/Duramed
5 pink pills
5 pink pills
100
0.50
Levlen
Berlex
4 light-orange pills
4 light-orange pills
120
0.60
Levlite
Berlex
5 pink pills
5 pink pills
100
0.50
Levora
Watson
4 white pills
4 white pills
120
0.60
Lo/Ovral
Wyeth
4 white pills
4 white pills
120
0.60
LoSeasonique
Barr/Duramed
5 orange pills
5 orange pills
100
0.50
Low-Ogestrel
Watson
4 white pills
4 white pills
120
0.60
Lutera
Watson
5 white pills
5 white pills
100
0.50
Lybrel
Wyeth
6 yellow pills
6 yellow pills
120
0.54
Nordette
Wyeth
4 light-orange pills
4 light-orange pills
120
0.60
Ogestrel
Watson
2 white pills
2 white pills
100
0.50
Ovral
Wyeth
2 white pills
2 white pills
100
0.50
Portia
Barr/Duramed
4 pink pills
4 pink pills
120
0.60
Quasense
Watson
4 white pills
4 white pills
120
0.60
Seasonale
Barr/Duramed
4 pink pills
4 pink pills
120
0.60
Seasonique
Barr/Duramed
4 light-blue-green pills
4 light-blue-green pills
120
0.60
Sronyx
Watson
5 white pills
5 while pills
100
0.50
Tri-Levlen
Berlex
4 yellow pills
4 yellow pills
120
0.50
Triphasil
Wyeth
4 yellow pills
4 yellow pills
120
0.50
Trivora
Watson
4 pink pills
4 pink pills
120
0.50
http://ec.princeton.edu/questions/dose.html

The ovary contains a supply of eggs. One egg each month begins to ripen and mature into a large structure called a follicle, regulated by a hormone from the pituitary called Follicle Stimulating Hormone, FSH. The follicle is going to produce estrogen, which is what causes the growth of the uterine lining. FSH is particularly important early in the cycle.
A second pituitary hormone, Luteinizing Hormone, assists in stimulating the mature follicle, and in particular, a rapid surge in LH is what triggers the follicle to pop, releasing the egg, in a process called ovulation. This is a key step, so remember this: a spike in LH levels triggers ovulation.
After ovulation, the egg goes on its way, and might be fertilized, leading to pregnancy. The follicle left behind isn't done yet, though; it becomes a structure called the corpus luteum, which continues to produce estrogen (necessary to maintain the uterine lining), and also gradually produces more and more progesterone. Progesterone helps maintain the uterine lining, but also suppresses LH production by the pituitary. It's a kind of timer. The corpus luteum is maintained by the levels of LH, but the corpus luteum also produces rising levels of progesterone, which shut off LH…and when too little LH is produced, the corpus luteum shuts down, no estrogen and progesterone are produced, the uterine lining is no longer maintained, and a woman finds a bloody mess in her panties.
The key thing to remember about this part, though, is that progesterone suppresses LH.
Put two pieces of the story together: a spike in LH levels triggers ovulation and progesterone suppresses LH. Hmmm. This suggests an idea. If you wanted to prevent ovulation, how would you do it?
(Consider this a test. Imagine that Jeopardy jingle playing right now.)
Time's up—I bet everyone came up with the right answer, though. Giving someone a large dose of progesterone would shut down LH production, so there would be no ovulation, so no egg would be released, and any sperm happening to be in the woman's reproductive tract would find nothing to fertilize.
You have just figured out what is called Plan B contraception. It is a form of birth control that tells the woman's ovaries to hold off on releasing any eggs for a short while. It's called emergency contraception, because it is used by a woman who has, for whatever reason (rape, a broken condom, misplaced enthusiasm, second thoughts, anything) had unwanted sperm in her reproductive tract, and she wants to make sure that this isn't the moment her ovaries happen to pop a follicle.
Plan B is not an abortion.
Plan B doesn't help if one is already pregnant, and it doesn't affect any implanted zygotes. Pregnant women produce progesterone naturally.
Plan B gives women the ability to control, to a limited extent, when they will expel a gamete. In purely reproductive terms, it's a bit like a male's ability to control when he will ejaculate, or expel his gametes. That's it. No fertilized zygotes are involved, so that level of the birth control debate isn't even relevant. It's simple, responsible, and safe. You'd have to be insane to object to Plan B.
http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2006/04/why_the_wingnuts_hate_plan_b.php

and so what is the course of action if you have been stupid in the past, and now realize your mistakes? I was young, and stupid, had a baby WAY before I was ready. So now I am simply labeled "stupid " and written off?

I am working my ass off to make sure that my daughter doesn't fall into the cycle, high school drop out- single mom---
Instead of being harsh and judgemental, maybe people who aren't "stupid" could try to contribute to a solution, and not just sneer at us self-rightously.

Wow. Personally, I rather make a mistake and learn from it...never repeating the same said mistake....than be sooo freaking judgmental and with a holier than thou, superiority complex.

So YOU were "smart enough" to not "knock up" anyone in high school? Bravo! We are sooo not worthy to lick the toilet paper you wipe your ass on!

Seriously folks...SPIT HAPPENS. Wanna know something? I was on birth control from the moment I THOUGHT ABOUT becoming sexually active. I took it at the same time every day...my periods were as regular as clockwork & in sync with the pill packets...and I still got pregnant. In fact, I got pregnant after I had my tubes tied, years later, as well (though it would have never been a pliable pregnancy). Accidents DO happen. (and some of us are fertile as all hell!) While I am sure there are more careless abandon OOPs babies, than my situation....this is what I am referring to. The old adage...not to judge a book by it's cover...not to judge to hastily.

Glad to see u back. I thought maybe POF had sent u to ban camp for a while!!

Anyways, I think it means that instead of women using b/c, they just get numorous abortions instead, which if u think about it is a whole hell of a lot more than using The Pill.

Abortion=at least $300 or $400, one pack of the Pill each month=$30-40, depending on the brand, etc. Over time if a women has numorous abortions, she could very well have spent thousands more than if she would have just been buying birth control.

To be honest I used to be totally against abortion-before I had my son. Now that I know what it's like to have a child, I can totally see how some women would chose to give their child up or get an abortion-not everyone is cut out to be a Mom and some women know that instinctively when they become pregnant. I think that if I were to find myself pregnant tommorow, I'd get an abortion. I'd want the baby but realistically given my current situation there's no way I can care for another child.

OK...so based on this last choice...sounds like the multiple children, with multiple fathers aspect is the LEAST of their problems, and maybe you should focus on them being druggies, drrug dealers, escorts, etc.?

At least they are not using abortion as birth control.

I have recently met a man who has quite a few kids(5) by 2 different women. I have 3 children of my own. He has been asking me out a lot lately and I have been refusing him for 2 reasons:
1. His babies mama is a nut job and she stares at me and gives me dirty looks everytime she see's me.
2.His 5 plus my 3 make 8 kids.
He is a nice guy and is very sweet to me, but I am not trying to have the added drama in my life. I don't want to be shallow and not give him a chance. But I also don't want to date for the sake of dating.
I know that I am taking the risk of getting flamed by asking this question, but, should I give him a chance anyway? Am I reading too much to soon?
Thanks for listening.

"Toss the embryos out...which is the equivalent of six abortions."

May be in crazy town it is but it not in sane town.


No, in BIOLOGY town. From dictionary. com:

"Abortion...the arrested development of an embryo or an organ at a more or less early stage." Throwing them away would definately "arrest" their development.

I have never looked at it that way. That's a valid point and I with draw my last statement of giving them away.

If anything he sound more like the product of a worthless father that never taught him how to be a man.

McLanahan and Sandefur's findings

McLanahan and Sandefur set out to answer the following question: Do children
who grow up with only their biological mother or their biological mother and a
stepfather have worse outcomes than children with similar known
characteristics who grow up with both biological parents? The major outcomes
examined were educational attainment, idleness (being out of school and out of
work), and early family formation. McLanahan and Sandefur found that, other
things being equal, teenagers who spent part of their childhood apart from
their biological father were twice as likely to drop out of high school, twice
as likely to become parents themselves before age twenty, and one and a half
times as likely to be idle in their late teens and early twenties.

Oh my ... this thing is still breathing...shocking....not!

I have only a few comments to make...

yarimelma - in the real world, when a relationship goes bad, there is usually enough blame to go around....it would be rare for all the blame to be on one person. I get that you respect personal accountability, so do I for the record. In reality though, by taking ALL the blame onto our shoulders, we are in essence absolving the other of theirs. Most people simply aren't willing to be that self-hating, nor should we be. I know when you read these forums, it does sound as if all the blame is being directed elsewhere but perhaps that is because when people post about something bothering them, they are frustrated, hurt or angry. It would of course be wise for everyone, anytime a relationship fails, to accept their share of the crap. I'm not niave enough to believe that most do, I don't believe most do...and so they repeat the same story over and over again with the next one and the next one and the next one. If nothing changes, nothing changes.

I picked two men poorly and we were careless enough to get pregnant. I chose to have those two children and to be their mother, one with the help of the father and the other entirely solo. It may surprise you but I would have raised both of them solo if the father of my last child opted to abandon his child. While you may have no respect for women like me, I personally have a lot of respect for myself. It takes a certain kind of person to accept responsibility for their choices and dedicate their life to their family (such as it is). When you sit in judgement as you are, you offend some, anger some and others simply dismiss you as a judgemental person.

There is something to be said for the culture which you describe. I cannot judge it. It seems to be a culture of beliefs that also would not allow a spouse to physically abuse their spouse or children. I don't know that I would personally wish to give up so much of my privacy and personal space to be that entwined with an extended family though. I also know that I could not personally marry someone I was not in love with, although I agree that compatibility is much more important than being in love. I could only marry someone I loved and was compatible with on many levels. One without the other would simply not bring me much happiness.

i have answered your question so i hope you feel better. and the funny part is you have the dates backwards get the info right before you do that again please. if there are any other questions please do ask as for ones that are that personaly close its none of your business BUT lets try and keep this on topic please

Should i tie the knot?
Posted: 4/8/2009 312 PMok here i am lost in the complete haze of another question that is seriouse among all others. so my girlfriend and i have been dating 8 months living together for 4 months and all the way through we have always hit it off extremely well. there is no doubt in my mind that i love her . i was with her from the beginings of her pregnancy all the way through birth of her child Joseph who i love and adore. My job is keeps me away from home ALOT and even though we love each other its hard to be alone for 7 months at a time. in any case our deployment is coming up and i am trying to figure out if i should propose now or keep waiting.....just the thought scares me but as i said i love her with all my heart and even though there is no ring now its my little family.......but.....yea



is it possible?
Posted: 5/7/2009 9:35:30 PMok so i went to this party a while ago and had what i thought was a one night stand with a girl. it turned out that i would fall for her in no time at all but my family has conflict with her. she is very open with me as i am with her and i think we have done well with our relationship. she has admited to me that she wasnt so faithfull in her past relaionships and my mother of all people told me to leave her despite the progress we have made. she said and i quote "you cant turn a whore into a housewife, its just not possible dear" its a little unsettling in alot of cases and un-nerves me some times. i want to be with this woman i love her but i also dont want to be just another knotch in someones bed post either.

ok so here i go i have a 5 month son in which i love to death obviously but i have come across a point in which im not sure if im just too over protective of my child or whether im right in the precedures. ive been dating for just a bit and ive found that alot of females want to see my child right off the bat. now as wonderful as it sounds i really dont want any of them around my son strictly because he might get attached and if they leave i dont want him to get attached to another and so forth. im not rude about it i explain it somwhat like i did with the exception of actualy telling them that i dont like it. beyond that im starting to feel guilty for dating......im young i know but i cant help but shake the feeling that im replacing his mother when thats the exact opposite of what intend......but at the end of the day, and when all is said and done....im just lonely

"Just because it biologically takes two people to create a fertilized egg does not mean that the guy still won't be SHOCKED to find himself faced with an unwanted pregnancy. I don't know why some people don't get this."

It's like you are assuming I got pregnant to trap him...you think with an unplanned pregnancy that the women aren't just as shocked? My ex admitted to getting me pregnant on purpose...nice. Men do that to trap women sometimes too...however, I am not trapped afterall :-). My life is going in a whole nother direction and it's wonderful.

And women decide if there will be an actual baby or not? I really am getting sick of this. Until you are a woman and you have to consider the alternatives to bringing a baby into this world, once already pregnant, don't talk to me about this shit.

I know many women who got married to only find themselves miserable, pregnant, trapped, and controlled while the man does whatever the hell he wants...so please don't go there...we all know that most marriages don't work these days. People need to quit pushing their beliefs on others. Marriages, in most cases, don't work anymore!

I have had 7 children....natural birth/vaginal birth.
I wear a size 4 in jeans and weigh 135 - 140 ..Everytime I had a baby I would instruct the OB to take an extra stitch or two, lol
Has no one ever heard of KEGALS...KEGALS...KEGALS....(spelling,lol)

What you are overlooking is that there is a vast difference between a real man who wanted to have a child with the woman he loves and is committed to and any real man who wasn;t ready and had it come up as a suprise. BIG difference.

It effin takes 2 to create a child. There aren't any excuses.

I am pretty new to the dating scene ..again! I have 3 BEAUTIFUL, WELL_BEHAVED, HAPPY children..I am single mom who has never been married. My kids are 16, 9, and 6 months old. Remarks about single moms being irresponsible is true for some. My kids are 7 and 8 years apart, so it's not like I had one right after the other with all these different men. I was in love and with these guys for quite a long time (longer then a couple months for you ho bags)..but while it took 2 to make these babies..ONLY ONE is raising them!!...I would be married, in love and with kids, if these dead beat jerks would have realized that SEX CAN CAUSE KIDS!!!...and just to let you know condoms WERE used!!..They decided they didn't want the family and THEY LEFT!!..
TOO MANY MEN FORGET, SINGLE MOTHERS ARE "SINGLE" BECAUSE OF MEN!!!!!

and lets not forget, alot of great people were raised by single mothers..they should be RESPECTED for the job they do...not EXPECTED to do it!

I think you are right, gadgetdoc...I don't think they realize before trying to get involved with us how strong we really are...perhaps that is intimidating??? And for those so worried about the "70% of criminality being the products of single mothers," I certainly don't see them do anything to step up to the plate. So predictable what the response would be, too "why should we, they aren't our kids." Yep, keep that attitude, but don't complain about criminality in society then...

they are pissed because they see more and more of us doing it on our own (most times not by choice...we are thrown out there in these situations and we learn how to survive without them) and we tend to influence more and more women to take a stand; more and more of us not NEEDING them (this goes into that independent/not needing a man subject forum). I'll probably be single for the rest of my life, because I don't see this war ending anytime soon until men are better educated in and around these issues...but at this point, I really don't give a shit. I'd rather be single than deal with these men and their women complexes any day. Poor effin babies "she has kids with another man; she didn't wait for me, so I don't want that trashy slut" mentality. To be quite honest, I wouldn't even expose my children to such losers anyway. I wonder what makes a lot of them think we aren't choosy about who we would want around our kids?

So, to all my fellow single mom's out there, it is a hard job and we are strong and we are "hated" because we are strong. Hopefully you/we all find someone worthwhile. Someone who is actually has a human side.

What if I tell you and could show you other ways not involving punishment, and that works even in these situation? What if I could guarantee you you'd never have to use spanking ever again, and yet that the teaching will work - would that be of any interest to you? Would you consider it, even though right now, you seem to think there are no other ways sometime?

I am recently seperated from my darling husband and he is on 3/4 pay from the police department from NYC but we live NJ. He is also receiving SSD which supplements his income. He is now living with his brother and is not claiming that because he would then have to have more time with the kids and yet he is fighting for custody. He also depeleted his 401k after 2 weeks of signing the paper work. Half of that is mine and yet the judge ordered all assets frozen and yet it was left off of the ordand he is slowly depletely the account. Half of that is mine as we were married 25 years. What can I do to have him return my half and what should be my child support payments. I have 3 kids, one will be going to college next year and I have a 6 year old and a 20 year old. How will my payments be determined? I am also entitled to alimoney as I do not work. Does anyone come from NYC and is retired from the NYPD? Since I have no money for a lawyer will he have to pay my lawyer's fees? He is the one fighting for custody . Does any one how the NJ courts work? We are are being seen by a best interest social worker to see who she thinks is the better parent but my husband assulted my son in june and had to go before the courts and it was lowered from assult to a lesser charge but I am wondering, does he have a chance at custody when he gave my son 2 black eyes and if so, why is he persuing it there is no chance? It seems to me that by fighting me, he is only making the lawyers rich.

Mary

what if they are born out of wedlock and the father has the kids?
I don't thing that law will pass but one that should is when a guy meets a SO with kids and the relationshipends the guy shouldn't have to pay CS on a kid she had before, with some other guy.

I've evenknown guys that separated and she had a kid with some one and the husband had to pay CS for a kid that wasn't his(proven threw DNA test). Didn't seem fair, he should have divorsed instead of separating.

Understanding surpasses knowledge FS. If he was truly intelligent he probably would not try to explain the inexplicable.

Interesting that you are equating faith with groups such as the KKK. Freetime - I've been lurking around the forums for long enough to know that trying to convince you to shift your views a teeny tiny bit would be as useful as flogging a dead horse. I just don't think you should have come down so hard on the child's grandmother. Biting one's tongue once in a while is okay.

I was married a long time ago to an atheist. Yup, bad move. I never tried to convince him of anything - it was he that was on a personal mission to disprove my beliefs. He was almost maniacal about it. He'd try to get me to discuss my faith all the time (read: debate) and when I wasn't interested, he'd get very angry. I never brought it up, because it would just start a long diatribe against my beliefs. It was very disrespectful. It's like he couldn't stand that he couldn't change my mind. I never cared if he shared my beliefs, but he couldn't take it. He'd poke fun at me and was quite cruel. HE couldn't just leave it be. In our relationship, it was like HE was the fanatic - interesting.

We live in a world of many beliefs - some good, some bad. I think that we should teach children to understand the world and make their own choices.

Cheers!

I'm not a religious person - haven't set foot in Church for years, but I am a woman of faith. I am a peaceful and peace loving teacher who believes in live and let live. But, when you say that religion poisons mankind, I want to remind you that there are extremists and moderates in many issues, including atheism. I am starting to believe that atheism is a kind of religion too. My ex husband used his beliefs in atheism to bully me. I feel that in many ways, he was trying to 'convert' me to his thinking. I was by no means trying to convert him to anything, as I am not a follower of any specific religion. Just because you're an atheist, doesn't mean you can't be an extremist as well. There are a lot of evil men in history that were atheists. I think evil can be found in all types of people. Think about it.

I was reading a little more closely through my papers that explain my child support order, how they figured it out, and it also explains about how he is required to put the baby on his insurance.

It states in my papers, and this is word for word, that

"Within thirty days of the date of this support order, the health insurance obligor must provide to the other party information regarding benefits, limitations, and exclusions of the coverage, copies of any insurance forms neccasary to receive reimbursment, payment, or other benefits under the coverage, and a copy of any neccasary insurance cards"



So that means he is REQUIRED to tell me the name of the insurance, right? And does that mean he has to provide me with a copy of the insurance cards if his insurance company doesn't send me them? Could I hold him in contempt or file a complaint if he does not tell me the name of the insurance or give me the cards? In the past before I got these papers, I had asked him several times for the name of the insurance, via Yahoo messanger. He won't give me it. I asked him again today after reading the papers but am not really expecting an answer, I just want to have it documented that I have asked several times and he won't give me it. He's just being petty, that's why he won't give me it.

I contacted my local CSEA and they said that they just yesterday got the order in their system (their computers were down for a couple weeks so everything got backed up), and they said they still have to verify through his work that he actually has insurance. So he IS putting the baby on his insurance, but in the meantime since he didn't do it quick enough and the order won't go through before October 28th, which was his deadline to put my son on, they are charging him for my son's medical bills. Just a percentage of them, not all of it, but still some of it nonetheless. Now that money is owed to the state, since I get insurance through the state. He basically has to pay the state back. What happens if he does not pay the state? Do they take him to court, garnish his wages, or take his tax return?

^^^I wish SOMEONE would put him in time out.
What gives with the childless, unmarried dude telling women they're bad parents?

Nothing like a little experience to put all those theories on the shelf..

ARE you ****ing serious?
Way to completely teach your daughter to disrespect not only her grandmother... but all religious people and religion in general.

She isn't allowed to make her own educated opinion. You get to make it for her. Sounds just like some religious people I know.

it's not always preferable to have both parents involved.

There are also times it's impossible for both parents to be in a child's life as well. What about in the death of a parent? You're not going to say it's impossible a person will be successful after that, are you?

at least some children do not need two parents to become successful.

She is 10 now. She was 5 when the adoption took place. Shealwyas knew he wasnt her bio-dad. He died in a course of a 2 week illness.

She has always known he was her stepfather. She chose to call him dad, and they forged a father-daughter bond, but she always knew the real deal. He loved her and his bio-son the same, they were both "his kids". But she knows full well she was adopted.

the psyhchologists having children is irrelevent.. there is enough case studies and qualititative data taken over the years to support it.

most psychologists say it would be wise to have the father about or a father figure, for obvious reasons and if you can't see those reasons.. i feel sorry for you. butmore often then not if the father or mother is not in the picture.. then there are uncles/aunts and other members of the family to be there too.

What irritates me is women who aren't using birth control effectively and/or don't insist on a condom being used and then don't want to 'take the blame' for getting pregnant when it wasn't planned.

If you have sex, are not using birth control properly AND insisting on using a condom AND haven't discussed upfront with your partner the greatly increased risk of pregnancy of not doing both of those things and gotten his 'take' on taking that risk and what happens if a pregnancy results AND his agreement that he is willing to accept the consequences of that risk; ie. that he would be equally responsible for that child...then....

IT IS YOUR FAULT. IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. AND IT IS YOURS ALONE.

Yep, you've read it here first folks. A woman, and a single mother at that saying that it's on you.

It might be unfair. But I'm afraid that's biology. Whilst women remain the child bearers, they are ultimately responsible for deciding when/if that happens.

As for this...


ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YES IT SHOULD. And you better be damn sure he's wearing a condom or happy to be a Daddy. And that's a fact.

ok, so you obviously didn't read my post very carefully. I said it's no more deadly than the regular flu, then i went on to say that the flu is still deadly to certain people.

It is not clear whether the new virus is more dangerous than ordinary seasonal flu for youngsters, though some health officials suspect it is. But the analysis shows some preliminary and important differences:
• Normally, half or more of the children who die of the flu are 4 or younger. But more than 80 percent of the children who died with swine flu were 5 through 17. Dr. Beth Bell, a CDC epidemiologist, said that may be because older children spend time at school and summer camp, exposed to more people than younger children kept at home.
• Almost two-thirds of the children who died had epilepsy, cerebral palsy or other neurodevelopmental conditions. In a previous flu season, only one-third of the children who died had those conditions.
• Other germs, working with swine flu in a one-two punch, were a big danger. A bacterial infection on top of the flu virus played a role in most of the deaths of otherwise healthy children.
Swine flu is now responsible for almost all flu cases in the United States.
It has caused more than 1 million illnesses, though most were mild and not reported, the CDC estimates. More than 550 lab-confirmed deaths and 8,800 hospitalizations have been reported.
Those statistics don't mean the new flu is worse than seasonal flu, which is particularly lethal to the elderly and plays a role in an estimated 36,000 deaths each year, the CDC says.
The findings emphasize the need for high-risk groups to be immunized against bacterial pneumonia, which can prevent some of the complications of flu, Frieden said.
The CDC is urging the majority of people with flu symptoms to avoid going to doctors or hospital emergency rooms to prevent the facilities from being swamped.
But children and adults with underlying medical conditions, and pregnant women, should seek treatment when a fever from the flu develops.
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/health/2009803116_flu04.html

Here's a few concepts women should think of before having kids with men...
1... If the guy is or has recently been a cheater don't have kids with him...
2... If his motorcycle is more important than you, don't have kids with him...
3... If his buddies or time with his buddies is more important than you, don't have kids with him...
4... If his car is more important than you, don't have kids with him...
5... If you are living paycheque to paycheque, don't have kids with him...
6... If he spends more on beer/and drugs etc than he spends on food, don't have kids with him...
7... If he's blotto every weekend, don't have kids with him...
8... If he misses work because of partying, drugs, or booze, don't have kids with him...
9... If he is chronically losing jobs, don't have kids with him...
10. If he's still in school, unemployed, and or deadbeat, don't have kids with him...
11. If you've known him less than 2 years, it's not a LTR yet and you really don't know him, don't have kids with him...
12. If you even slightly suspect he's not 100% comitted to YOU and your relationship, don't have kids with him...

Gee.. here's an idea.. DONT FRIGGEN DATE HIM once you learn that ANY Of the above things ever happened.. sheeesh.. Susan Powter comes to mind..

STOP THE INSANITY

Illegitimate kids and their mothers wear a Scarlett letter. Unless you want to settle for less and you feel inadequate for not finding a fresh woman.


^^
why does it not surprise me that you like R Kelly

k, humor me... if the mother wears the scarlet letter for bearing illegitimate children, what does the father wear.. hmmm?