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dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

PRIDE WEEK Posted: 6/25/2007 9:23:17 AM
I was at Pride yesterday, and I had a blast, despite being straight. I felt accepted, laughed, danced, and talked to people of different orientations, nationalities, and religions. Why is that? Because it's a weekend (or week, for those who can afford the time) that celebrates DIVERSITY, not just "gayness" Some people in this thread seem to be missing that point. The weekend event promotes awareness of not only GLBT lifestyles, but also of social/health services available to that community, and that includes information about those lifestyles to the general hetero public, and most importantly, STD treatment and prevention, which affects all humans. It's just all wraped in a fun, hedonistic package, making it more attractive to those who attend. So some of the posters want a hetero parade? Sure, I'll give you several: Caribana, St-Paddie's, X-mas.... all are aimed at hetero people. As for the "excessive" behaviour and dress of some of the participants? People dress up in theme... be it a leprechaun, an African tribesman, or a 7-ft tall Cher impersonator. The overtly sexual behaviour can be seen at any festival I've been to, from drunken make-outs on St-Paddie's, to couples devouring each other in a closed store entrance at the Junction Street Festival. Personnaly, I'd prefer kids watch two people locked in an embrace that seeing gangster shootings or a psycho, hockey-masked killer dismembering people in a cabin. But if you don't share my view, then JUST DON'T LOOK! Toronto is freakin huge!!! Go to High Park, the Zoo, Young/Eglinton, or the Beaches.... Smile, say "this is not for me", enjoy yourself somewhere else and stop bemoaning that you can't hang out in one tiny, 5 sq. km area of town. Geez! It's only one weekend out of the year, too. As for the people who said that it would be better to put the money towards a better cause, like social services et al... That's what this is. The income generated helps fund clinics, support groups but it does it in a fun way. EVen in 2007, people still get discriminated against for being different, there are still individuals and groups that advocate shunning or violence against the GLBT community. Just go take a look at www.godhatesfags.com . Or just look at some of the people who posted here: "I don't have anything against the gays, I just don't like their lifestyle". Surprise! That just means you don't like gays... which is ok, you're entitled. Just have the cojones to admit it, ok? Anyway, sorry for the rant, I'll go back to ghosting

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

What does a guy mean by attractive? Posted: 6/19/2007 9:34:01 PM
When I say attractive I mean I like the whole packadge, as in personality AND looks, unlike when I say beautiful or hot I'm talking about physical appearance alone. Yep...sums it up. Pretty or beautiful means you're nice to look at. Atrractive means you're nice to be with. Take it as he's into you and smile.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Would you date anyone that uses these lines? Posted: 6/19/2007 9:26:06 PM
Don't know if they're real or not, but they're hilarious! Thanks for brightening up my evening.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

the love word Posted: 6/18/2007 11:21:16 AM
It's a word I won't use unless I truly mean it. Usually I'll be the one to say it last, unless I "feel" she wants to say it, but is afraid to. Then, if I am sure, I'll say it first.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Dirty girl Posted: 6/18/2007 10:44:24 AM
Sorry Liam, I'm going to disagree with you: the truth of the matter is simple. Kinky sex (whether in reality or in fantasy) leads only to kinkier sex. That's the slippery slope argument that's a complete falacy. You can choose to stop at any degree and be completely happy. Not everyone wants to explore things to the absolute extreme. Reformed rapists still get a charge out of thinking about rape, the only socially acceptable response they can give is to NOT rape. That's a very bad example. Serial rapists are akin to alcoholics. It's a condition listed as a disorder by the psychiatric community. What the OP is experiencing is repression, not disorder. OP, as long as it's safe, sane consensual, there's nothing wrong with what turns you on. We all have our dark sides, some of us are lucky enough to explore them. The internet is full of stuff that will shock and disturb pretty much everyone, and yet if it's out there, it means that someone gets off on it. Some people get disgusted by watching people kiss in public, while others won't bat an eye at a collared slave being whipped and humiliated. It's all relative, it's all personnal. It's part of what makes you an individual. Stop being worried that it's sick and dirty and just enjoy yourself.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

what is a cougar exactly? Posted: 6/11/2007 7:52:22 AM
Last summer at a club, I was talking to a 29 year-old girl who wouldn't continue talking to a 21 year old guy, because she didn't want to be called a cougar. Seemed kinda silly to me. But then again, most such labels are pretty silly: cougar, sugar-daddy, lotus lover, jungle fever, chubby chaser... Geez! Folks have a hard enough time finding a good partner as it is, without people giving them a hard time about their preference. You like what you like, and as long as you're safe, sane, and consensual, have fun!

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Sex longer than a minute, does it exist...? Posted: 6/11/2007 7:41:56 AM
I've said it many times: Sex is a skill to be learned. If the men you meet aren't up to the task, then it might be due to two factors: - They're selfish - They don't know any better In the first case, not much you can do but to change the type of man you date. In the second, there might be hope. General fitness can help virility... Regualr exercise keeps the blood flowing through the body, that includes the penis. There is also an exercise were a man flexes his urinary muscle while peeing, interrupting the flow... it's kind of a male version of Kegels. For premature ejaculation, slowing down the rythme of his thrusts, alternating with more foreplay or oral sex, as well as deep breathing can keep him going much longer. Tantra and Taoist sexual techniques are excellent reference materials for such problems. Have your partner look them up.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

No sex drive?! Posted: 6/3/2007 1:00:15 PM
Domestic abuse and betrayal aren't easy things to get over. 've taken the time to find myself. Sexually and mentally. I still have things to work out mentally & physically. Sounds to me like this might be the issue. Listen to your brain, it's telling you you still need to mend. But the good news is that you WANT to want to have sex, so you're on the way to mending.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

What do women need in order to want to have sex? Posted: 6/3/2007 12:53:15 PM
a pulse? Seriously, I think the woman needs to be impressed by her partner in order to have a desire to hav sex. Now the million dollar question is: What impresses women?

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Men today tend to be minute men Posted: 6/3/2007 12:42:04 PM
Sex is something you learn. Some, men or women, are just bad students. Furthermore, as liberated as we've gotten, sex is still a "naughty" thing, yet we seem to be expected to know exactly what to do to please our partner. Your best bet is to communicate your needs to the guy, before or after. First time sex is usually a bit awkward anyway, because you're just getting used to the way one another moves, you're discovering each other. Communication is key. Guys are fairly clueless to the subtle hints women give out. Talk to him, he might be receptive to your feedback if he's a good guy. If he's not, then kick him out and make him regret what he's missin out on.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Knight in shining armour Posted: 5/28/2007 10:57:45 PM
I think I fell into this category in my last relationship. The girl I was dating was dealing with depression. Having gone through (and overcome) depression myself, I tried to give her the support she needed. It was a very difficult relationship. Both of us were very much attached to each other, but she had issues with feeling strong emotions. I, in turn, had trouble not resenting her for being aloof, even though I understand what she was going through. In the end, we broke up. It wasn't from a desire to change her that I dated her. I dated her for the person she was beneath the brain chemical imbalance and past abuse. And yes, I did help her, I do like to help people... it's just the way I am. Unfortunately, she needed more help than I could give her.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

What signs do u guys give if ye like a girl buddy?? Posted: 5/28/2007 1:08:32 PM
Increased physical contact would be a big one. When you watch tv together, do you touch? cuddle? After sharing a laugh, does he hug you? As for letting him know... when you see him looking at you, smile at him. Flirt with him verbally, and see his reaction. Or, if you feel brave, why not just tell him?

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

is having roommate ok? what if opposite sex? Posted: 5/28/2007 12:37:29 PM
Living in the city is expensive, so having someone look at you weird because you're sharing living space is in itself wierd. As to sharing a place with someone of the opposite sex, well then trust comes into play. Like PHK said, I see it as a bonus that you're sociable enough to deal with someone on a regular basis. And if the girl has issues about your female roommate, how will she react to your female friends or co-workers? It's 2007, platonic relationships DO exist. If she's that insecure about you living with a girl, she has trust issues in other areas as well.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Why are people monogamous? Posted: 4/6/2007 9:54:52 AM
Oh really?? Funny I didn't know God was an "'animal"...weren't we made in His Image?? You're bringing in a religious argument into a social commentary topic, where not everyone shares your beliefs. Still let's assume God made us in his own image. If by that, you mean God made us complex, unknowable, and unpredictable by our own standards, then I'll agree with you completely! Please remember the parable of the boy trying to fit the entire ocean into a small hole in the sand, and how this is the same as our attempt at understanding God. Now although I believe in a creative force in the universe, I also believe in evolution. Everything that is now has a cause in the past. That's true for biology as it is for society. I can hand you tangible proof for both. All you can do is tell me to read one holy book (which I've read cover to cover, BTW). Back when?? When was it ever "acceptable"?? I think MEN made that decision!!! Women were just quiet about it so they wouldn't get B'Slapped! LMAO Actually, it's been acceptable, and still is acceptable in many cultures. Not only in Islam, but in Judaism as well. How many wives did Abraham have? Also in Brazil today, where there's a 8-1 woman to man ratio, it's actually uncommon for a man NOT to have a mistress besides having a wife.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Why are people monogamous? Posted: 4/6/2007 9:31:36 AM
Fantastic post, Bob! A very balanced and insightful view of the topic. I think the only consistant thing about humanity is its inconsistency. Some people people are wired for monogamy, others not. Still others can go either way, depending on who they're with at the time. As long as it's consensual, any setup can lead to happiness. Cheating, to me, is a horrible sin. There's nothing worse than decieving someone you've pledged yourself to. Conversely, locking someone up in a monogamous relationship when they're clearely miserable in that situation is just as bad. Contrary to popular belief, the "one man one woman" idea is not universal. Many cultures practice polygamy, polyginy, or group marriages. Others practice a communal lifestyle, where the children are raised by the entire village. Does monogamy work? Sure it does! I have parents and grandparents who can attest to that. Does monogamy not work? Sure it doesn't! My friends who come from divorced families can attest to that. Does polyamory work? read the answers above, as I seen people lead a long term, loving, supporting, and poly relationship and have been together for 20 years. Live and let live.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

sex education Posted: 3/27/2007 6:05:18 AM
It would be nice if it was properly taught in schools as a simple part of life, instead of being such a big deal. Maybe then people would be less uptight or freak out about it. I learned about it by finding a stack of Hustlers in the neighbour's garbage, thinking they might be comics. Although we did learn the human reproductive in grade 5 (with the profile cut-out's of genitals), we only got to learn about sexual interaction, contraception, STD's in grade 8. In my school we had to either take catechism or moral science class. Moral science was a big joke until a bona fide social worker took over and taught us the things that really matter. As she was teaching us these things, the school priest (who had the same power as the principal) was stalking right outside the class. LOL It's a shame that even in the 21st century, so many of us consider sex to be dirty, and that children should be protected from it. Sex is not supposed to exist when you're 6 or 9 or 10. Then suddenly, as of age 14, 16, or 18 (depends where you live), sex is not only ok, everone does it, and it's pretty great Kind of sends a screwed up message, don't you think?

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Ever had the feeling you are being lied to? were you right? Posted: 3/26/2007 8:58:08 PM
That gut instinct is your brain piecing tiny little clues together. They may not always be accurate, but rarely wrong. I'm pretty good at figuring something's not right with an SO or a close friend. The impressions get less accurate the less I know the person. I'm also the type to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I'm guilty of ignoring the red flags in order to be the good guy. Shame on me, I know.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Strange Family Relationships! Posted: 3/23/2007 10:42:14 AM
It's a bit strange by North American standards, but not that weird in other places in the world. Different cultures have different family dynamics, have a much stronger family bond. What ethnicity is he? That may play a factor. As for being naked in front of a sibling and the panty thing: North Americans tend to immediately sexualise such behaviour whereas other cultures don't, therefore don't see it as inappropriate. The panties, it could have been making sure she had enough clean ones, as someone else said. I'm playing devil's advocate. Wether it's innocent or disturbed, it's not something you seem to be able to wrap your brain around, so you might need to leave.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

do honesty and monogamy go together Posted: 3/18/2007 11:35:33 AM
Any relationship requires honesty, be it monogamous or poly, if you want it to last. We're all wired differently, some can love more than one, others can't conceive the notion of being in love with more than one person. But I think what you're actually asking about is fidelity There's nothing wrong in looking, we're visual creatures. The question is what you do after you look. A person is defined by their actions, not their thoughts. Bottom line is, as far as honesty is concerned: If there is none, then any relationship is pretty much dead from the get go.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Music... Posted: 3/15/2007 7:04:24 PM
my boyfriends dont lt me have music on cuz half the time ill sing along LMAO. I'd find that pretty entertaining, actually. LOL! To the OP: Portishead, Sneaker Pimps, Mono, Enigma, Air, Collide, all these bands are great to have on while you get your groove on. For something more 80's try Roxy Music. If you're going to go for something rougher try London After Midnight or Type O Negative (Christian Woman or Black #1). Music is great to set the rythme to, IMO.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

lipstick lesbians??? Posted: 3/15/2007 6:42:18 PM
It does have a negative connotation in more extreme lesbian circles.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Anyone read The Ethical Slut? Posted: 3/15/2007 6:37:45 PM
Read it. It's a good primer for all types of open relationships, if you're into that, or are curious to learn more. It's a bit too idealistic, in the "Gosh! wouldn't it be great if everyone was poly?!" But it brings some very interesting points across, even if the open thing isn't for you. How to effectively communicate with your SO, for example. A good follow-up to that is Polyamory: Love Without Limits, which is a more serious book, dealing with the issues you might encounter in a poly relationship.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Please help, I'm clueless... Posted: 3/13/2007 6:56:34 PM
Time makes hot topics seem milder. Either he remembers your chemistry and misses it, or he's forgotten how badly he reacted to your revelation. People get lonely, and see things they objected to violently before as something to be overseen, in order to end the loneliness.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Can a nympho be faithful? Posted: 3/12/2007 11:40:18 AM
Nymphomania is, as a disorder, pretty rare. It's something the person is actually ashamed of. Think of comparing someone who can hold his alcohol (said with pride) to an alcoholic (shame). People who label themselves nymphos usually just mean they have a high sex drive. It doesn't ruin or rule their life. They just like to get busy...alot. There's nothing wrong with that, and it's in no way a symptom of cheating. It is a symptom of great sex, though, so enjoy it! I say don't make pre-assumptions. Trust until you feel you can't trust her (you'll know).

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Vermont towns seek to impeach Bush Posted: 3/12/2007 9:59:20 AM
As for the outsourcing, it's true that enterprise owners went on their own to India and China, but where other countries introduced taxes and tariffs to discourage jobs from going overseas, Bush's administration did nothing, save create a commity to study the phenomena. (incidentaly, the head of this commity owns a factory in China). Add to this appointing Brown to head FEMA, and cutting programs and budget in the environment. These, I will grant you, can be interpretted as badly created policies, although no one sees them as anything short of croneyism and self-interest. Now actually lying to Congress is perjury(having proof of WMD's), so he did break the law. Wiretapping is also against the law, that is why Bush and Gonzales were tap-dancing on tv last fall trying to justify it. Then tried to pass bills that would retroactively allow this to be legal. There's also a bill that was introduced (don't know if it passed) exhonerating Bush's administration of any wrongdoing during the war on terror. He's literally making his own get-out-0f-jail-free card. They won't be jailed, lets be realistic, neither will they be ousted before the next election (if then). But if justice ruled, they would be.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Vermont towns seek to impeach Bush Posted: 3/11/2007 12:06:41 PM
Is this still going on? I lived in VT for 5 years, and I started hearing about this impeachment a while right before I left. I still think it's a good, if only symbolic, idea. Too many citizens who object to the US' domestic and foreign policy stay quiet, for fear of being branded un-American. It's sad you can only be one or the other in the States. When 9/11 happened, I was very supportive of Bush's action involving Afghanistan. But when he turned his eye on Iraq, rammed a bunch of lies down Congress' and Senate's throat, reinforced the Patriot Act by piggybacking it on some other, non-related, bills, I started seeing what's in store. So I did the only thing I could, I moved home to Canada. I do not plan on traveling to the States at all for the next 5 years, despite having a Green Card. The point is that Bush did more to discredit his country in the eyes of the world than any president in memory. He turned a budgetary surplus into a larger debt than in the Reagan era, allowed outsourcing of jobs to India and China that whittled away at the middle class, implemeted restrictions on civil and human rights, used torture on prisoners, wiretapped the people who entrusted him to lead, destroyed environmental policies. He's cost over 3000 soldiers their lives in a war that has no basis (where are the WMD's?) and is still sending more troops. Please tell me what, in the above paragraph, is untrue and why this man and his cronies should not be put in jail?

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 70 (view)

why dont men get it? Posted: 3/11/2007 11:15:03 AM
That's hitting it pretty much on the nail: It's not that we don't get the hints......it's that most women love to flirt, even w/ guys they would NEVER date. Many guys have had a refusal from a girl who SEEMED really into us, only to be given the 'I only like you as a friend' line when we ask them out, romantically. A couple runs thru that ringer...& we need to be VERY sure you are actually willing to date us before sticking our necks on the chopping block again. Here's a question...How does a guy tell the differrence between 'harmless' flirting & genuine interest? Furthermore, even those of us who DO pick up on these hints have been growing up with stories of the Liesuresuit Lizard: The guy with the open shirt and hairy chest, gold chain, greasy hair, and greasy attitude who thinks "every chick digs him". We never want to be that guy, so we err on the side of caution. If you drop hints, don't expect them to be picked up on 100% of the time. If you want a reaction with that success rate, don't drop a hint, make an announcement. For Blondie: Another thing to consider with your office guy... He might be picking up on your hints, but might just be scared of HR. As a policy, I stay away from office romance because it can get me fired if it goes wrong. Maybe your guy has the same attitude?

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

I love to cuddle. Guys, when you say that, what do you mean? Posted: 3/11/2007 10:50:57 AM
Cuddling is great on its own, and although some guys will have an ulterior motive, some do not. To me, it has to do with creating intimacy, whether it's with a new relationship where I want to take it slow, or just watching a DVD on the couch. It builds on the bond between us, and that's a pretty awesome feeling. Sex is fun, but sometimes, putting it aside for emotional intimacy can be quite amazing.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

How Do You Get A Closed Man To Open Up? Posted: 3/5/2007 9:28:57 PM
Basic rule of thumb: Guys seldom talk about how they feel. They know how they feel, that's enough. There are exceptions. Guys who have had alot of female friends can develop more communication skills, but it's rare, and not always on target. I have no problems discussing with my friends/lovers about their feelings, but weirdly, when it comes to my own, I lose the words. And if you really want this thing to last, don't try to change him!!!! You'll be an ex before you know it.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

Dear Metrosexual Men... Posted: 3/5/2007 6:34:31 AM
My dear Sir ~ This borders on religious persectution & must cease at once! Thank you & good day. Oh gods! Coffee spit all over my screen!

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 93 (view)

what is the deal with lesbians? Posted: 3/5/2007 12:20:19 AM
I must've missed this jewel of intelligence: <div class="quote">The other shit like women or more mature than men, is utter bullshit. What I would give to find a women my age that is as mature as I am. Let's stop genderizing people. Why do I hate lesbians and fagots? Simple, IT IS WRONG. Go read a history book called the bible. If that statement offends you, too bad I'm a republican. Isn't it strange that the two biggest religions which consist of Christians and Muslims, believe in God? Grammar mistakes aside, I have a few little problems with the above post: - WTF does "genderizing" mean??? - The Bible is NOT a history book, it's a religious book. You will find no more historical fact in the Bible than you would in the Baghavat Gita or Homer's Illiad. - Actually, I believe that Hindus and Buddhists outnumber Christians and Muslims at this point. - What's too bad is that a barely litterate bigot was able to drag his knuckles over his keyboard and identify himself as a republican, further proving what type of people that political party really attracts. And I actually know a few voting republicans that are pretty decent people, too...shame

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 92 (view)

I guess they don't like the d..k that's attached to a real one Posted: 3/5/2007 12:01:01 AM
Ooops! Looks like I've stumbled on the idiot thread, where the idiot/rational ratio is about 8 to 1. Where do you people get your info???? Lesbianism has been around since the dawn of civilization, the word "lesbian" comes from the Greek Island Lesbos, which in ancient times was home to women poets. Sappho, the head poetess of the island, is also the root word for "sapphism", a sinonym of lesbianism. No! The rise of visible lesbians is not just a trend. The trend is for the media to bring attention to this orientation because "wymyns kissing iz hot!!! We gets ratings!!!" and this: There aren't many real lesbians. Most are phonys trying to please a man or as you said be trendy. And the butch lesbians get NO love from society as a whole. ...is the prize winner! Dude, I'll introduce you to some lesbians that are all femme, and will kick your ignorant a$$ all over a ring...without breaking a nail. As for Butch Dykes, they get plenty of love and support from their partners, friends, and peers. Face it, some people like the opposite sex, others like the same sex, still others are somewhere in between. Accept it, it's here, move on, mind your own business. walks away, muttering about giving monkeys a keyboard

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

What is it about me that scares people? Posted: 3/4/2007 10:06:02 PM
You're in amateur radio, meaning you're at least practiced at expressing yourself. You seem to know what you want in a relationship as well, you did lots of introspection, am I right? One thing to remember is that guys don't see emotions the way women do. Most men can usually break down their relationship needs in neat, ordered, BRIEF points, but can't ever express them. Women, on the other hand, want to delve deep into the meaning behind each point, add clauses, apendices, and amendments, verbalising them at the drop of a hat. Due to your self-betterment, you obviously can outline your feelings better than most men. Your radio skills allow you to communicate them to your new flame. Women hear this and immediately wonder "He talks like a woman about his feelings...what does he mean by that?". That's when they start imagining worst case senarios. Overwhelmed, suspicious of stalkers, not wanting to open up to you that much so soon but feeling they have to... whatever theier interpretation, they leave a woman sized hole in the wall of the cafe you met in, running towards the sunset. The dance analogy is fantastic. Tattoo it on your eyelids. You can do full disclosure after a year's time you've been together, and she will feel you just gave her the most precious gift. Guess who's gettin lucky when that happens?

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

How Do You Let Go of Someone When You're Both Still In Love? Posted: 3/4/2007 9:40:52 PM
Yeesh! It's a tough one. You know exactly how to push each others' buttons, you've got perfect chemistry, but you're in a situation where no compromise is apparent. You can't live without him, he can't live with your kids. The way I see it is you have several choices: -work harder on finding a compromise... if he's really worth it, and thinks the same of you, you both work at finding a solution with the fervour of finding the AIDS cure. -See a reputable therapist... Sure, it costs more than a book, but this is an expert on fixing broken relationships, and this one may be too big to handle on your own. You can defrag your PC on your own, but you hire a tech to replace your motherboard, right? -Break all ties, move on, acknowledging that the differences are irreconcilable. It hurts, it sucks, you won't want to see anyone for a long time and feel like you never want anyone else ever again. But it's better than dealing with the constant heartache, anguish, and general festering bad juju that WILL turn ugly eventually. Best of luck!

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

WOOPS! Posted: 3/4/2007 4:41:42 PM
I'd just say hun ?? your boob popped out! pass the salt. Loved this one! It's something I'd say. Make a funny remark that also indicates it's no big deal will make you look pretty slick, and honestly will increase your chances to experience the entire view later on. Sometimes blunt/funny is the classiest way to go. Am I right?

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 248 (view)

Anyone Ever Dated A TRUE Narcissist? Posted: 3/4/2007 4:31:25 PM
I'd answer the question in the title, but I am too busy looking at myself in this mirror! Sorry, couldn't resist. Seriously, this is a VERY informative thread. As former aspiring shrink, I think this is a fascinating disorder. I'm sorry so many of you went through what these people subjected you to, these pathological conmen. Quadmom: I might have missed you answering this, but can't you get a restraining order on him based on the psychiatric evaluation? An injunction against visitation? Since he displays sociopathic behaviour patterns, I would imagine you could slap that on him faster than he can say "I'm beautiful!" As to helping these people recover, as with any disorder, they have to WANT to be helped. Operant conditioning (reward/punishment) would probably work best, but as with true sociopaths (read or see American Psycho), it extremely hard to convince them they are doing anything wrong.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

what would you do Posted: 3/4/2007 3:48:35 PM
You guys need to read the post carefully. He said he loves her... the OP even later specified that he didn't say "IN LOVE". There's a huge difference. He could just be giving her a heads-up that the ex and him have close ties. How many posts have there been in the forums about being insecure about your current's ex? You would do best to tell this guy to make a decision. Now. And there's the best way to make a guy run for the hills. After just 2 months of dating? there's no need for ultimatums. Bad advice!

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

taoist sex tips... this is good Posted: 3/4/2007 3:36:33 PM
Ever occur to you that she may have found this, is curious, interested to see if this yields results before trying? Face it, there's so many experts, yogis, senseis spouting about Ancient Love Techniques that she has every right to be cautious. OP: it definitely adds a powerful spiritual dimension to lovemaking. The energy the two of you create will fill you, and keep you smiling for days. It's like nothing you've ever experienced. If you want to start correctly, you should also start with about 5 minutes of Chi kung meditation (count 80 breaths), then go on to the steps you posted.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

what would you do Posted: 3/4/2007 3:21:33 PM
DJDug has it right on the money. (and he quotes Heinlein, too!) I still love my ex, she's one of my best friends! Her and her current boyfriend are getting engaged soon and I couldn't be happier for them. She even helps me out by being a soundboard when I have women problems. She knows how I am when in a relationship, so she can form an educated opinion. Plus she speaks "female", a language that sometimes eludes us testicle-sporting types. Salvaging a deep loving friendship with an ex is a great idea, whenever possible. You've spent time together, it would be a shame to see that go to waste. OP: do exactly what you're doing. You're having fun, so is he, as long as you don't feel that you're suddenly getting less affection (can't call it love yet, right?), why tamper with a good thing?

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Should you take relationship advice from you mother? As to if he/she is right for you? Posted: 3/4/2007 9:44:59 AM
My parents and I differ on alot of things: Politics, religion, abortion, gay rights, music, hobbies... We're of two worlds. But because I love them (especially now that they're 500kms away), and they love me, I will take their advice into consideration. I will do the same from my friends. All these people might have insight into something that I've missed in the heat of the "OMG, she's so hot!!!". Ultimately the choice is mine, though, of who I choose to date.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

Safe words... Posted: 3/4/2007 9:35:40 AM
What happens if you forget the safe word? Is there a hint word too? The Euro-trip movie aside, you make up a word that is easy to remember and pronounce. It's mutually agreed upon before you start playing.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 171 (view)

Acceptable age range difference? Posted: 3/4/2007 9:32:38 AM
People can rarely believe I'm 31. A co-worker thought he was older than me, and he's 25. If you take care of yourself, like most people do these days, you'll look great well beyond your 40's and 50's. As long as you can relate to the person, age is not a factor. A 19 year old might already be starting a career, looking into getting a career, and planning a family, where a 45 year old might be perfectly happy club-hopping and giggling at words like Uranus. My last gf was 19, as a matter of fact. We neve ran out of stuff to talk about or do. I've also met some incredibly attractive 45 year-old women... I specify "attractive" over "good-looking", because beyond fantastic bodies, they had fascinating minds and interests. How old is Catherine Zeta Jones? Do yourselves a favour, people: make up as many rules about dating as you want, but don't hesitate to break them if the connection feels right.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Dating without the drunk Posted: 3/4/2007 8:34:33 AM
Ponie, if the women you date have trouble understanding what you have to go through, Please show them this: on Youtube, do a search for Craig Ferguson, alcoholic, Britney Spears. Bookmark it. It's an incredibly well described monologue that describes what an alcoholic has to go through, even after they've gone sober. It might make these women understand you better. I'll let you judge, mate. and congrats!

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Dating without the drunk Posted: 3/4/2007 8:22:18 AM
And the most Condescending Post Award goes to... genuine_me77!!! FYI, legal drinking age in Quebec is 18. And obviously, in your world, fake ID's do not exist and everyone obeys the law and no one has ever tried to sneak past a bouncer pretending they are over legal age. Nope! Nuh-uh. There is also no such thing as a 13 year old with a drug problem. City social workers just say that to get more funding. Walk by an all-ages rave and take a look at the 14-15 year olds with pupils the size of manholes. Dude, she doesn't have to get boozed up or whacked out to decide this is not something for her. If she chooses to follow a philosophy already laid out and label herself, don't condemn her. Have you ever been in the boy scouts? hey, there's a label! Do you believe in a higher power which defines your moral and ethical beliefs? you got 2 labes: you're religious AND you're (insert religion here). Ever wear a varsity jacket? School colours? As humans, we label, judge, compartmentalise everything we see. It allows us to keep this complicated world straight, and rise about the chimps. To the OP: Practicing self-denial is not something you'll see in a lot of 20-yr-olds. Geez! I sure can't do it... I love my Shiraz and Honey Brown Lager. But I will respect my partner's choice if she chooses not to drink. It's not any harder than avoiding eating seafood at the same table as someone keeping kosher or talking at a hearing impaired/deficient person (for lip reading). It's common courtesy. If your date can't help from getting stupid drunk, or needs that toke right now, he's not for you. There's Straight Edge events that happen all the time, all over the continent. Google'em.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

How do you respond when someone says everyone that goes to bars & clubs just looking to get laid? Posted: 3/4/2007 7:45:26 AM
"All people that go to bars to get laid" makes about as much sense as saying "All white people are racist". People go to a SWINGERS club to get laid... and even then it's iffy. How do you explain when a couple goes to a club, then? My friends and I are too busy with work, school, or both during the week to see each other. We have a few clubs that we like going to, some special monthly events (ie: 80's night), or just to chill at a pub and catch up. We're spread out all over the city, so the club/bar's a good central location to meet. What about people who see no point in drinking alone? I have 8 beers in my fridge, and a fully stocked bar, as well as a wine rack. I bring out these when I entertain company, rarely finding the need to crack open a cold one after work. Do I want to do that every weekend? Sorry, I'm not that crazy about having to constantly cleaning my appartment. As for me, as a single guy, sure, if the opportunity presents itself to meet someone with whom I click, why should I not take it? Where else are we going to meet people? At work? you'll have HR on your ass faster than you can say harrassement. At the gym? Sorry, I'm too busy hitting a bag or doing my forms. So until I set up a disco ball and smoke machine in my bedroom, I'm going to keep going to bars, clubs, concerts, lacrosse games, what have you, to spend time with my friends, and maybe get an attractive girl's number, so we can meet for drinks the next day.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Safe words... Posted: 3/2/2007 6:21:55 AM
I'll admit that I'm a bit concerned for the people who take pride in the fact that they never needed a safeword. Defeats the concept of SAFE, sane, and consensual. To those that chimed in with urgings to "communicate" during sex instead of using safe words, go back to your Norman Rockwell worlds. What do you think having a safe word is??? In roleplay or power exchange games, the submissive will sometimes say "no" or "stop" even when they don't mean it. The safe word is there so that it really does stay fun. That being said, my most recent one was "chinchilla".

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 106 (view)

Open realtionships is it just cheating Posted: 2/22/2007 9:18:19 PM
I still suspect that there are innate chemical qualities in those who seek open relationships that are different than those who prefer traditional exclusive mate fidelity in monogamous relationships. You don't remain monogamous with a companion unless there is continuous dopamine and oxytocin release. This is beyond the low stress comfort of established daily patterns in a twosome. There are also many degrees in between. That's the beauty of the human condition. There's your serial monogamists, your polyamorists, swingers, monogamists, occasional cheaters, pathological cheaters, fetishists.... need I go on? There's also those like me, who can be quite happy in a monogamous relationship, as well as a poly one. It's very situational for me, depending on which and how many of my needs are met within the relationship. You can argue from a biochemical standpoint in favour of mongamy, finding polyamory aberrant behaviour. As you yourself have admited, there is too little data on the brain activity of an "open" person to make what you say conclusive to your statements. Many will argue, based on historical evidence, that humans weren't even built for monogamy in the first place. They argue that the monogamous format was imposed by religion and/or law for reasons of lineage, property, gender politics, regular politics, or spirituality. I disagree. I again maintain that the human brain is more than the sum of its parts, and the balance between our individual nature and nurture makes us come to every decision we make... be it our orientation, mate type, or relationship lifestyle.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Would you Date Someone Of A Different Language? Posted: 2/22/2007 12:03:31 AM
I speak Polish to my family (and to my cat), but I also speak English, French, and Spanish fluently. I've never dated a Polish girl, so whenever I'd have one of my gf's over at my folks, I'd try to translate what was going on. Not always possible, but doable. In the end, the girl I spent 5 years with picked up things like "hello" "Thank you" and "When is she going to learn to speak Polish?" In any case, as an allophone (to everyone outside Quebec: this means an non-French/English speaker), I'm always delighted to see the girl I'm dating take an interest in my language or culture. Usually means that she's relationship material. Sure, I'm pretty Canadianised, but I'm still proud of my roots.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

Open realtionships is it just cheating Posted: 2/21/2007 11:39:34 PM
In other words, we have extensive neural development (from nerve growth factor) in the months after meeting, during the infatuation stage,(...) I understand what you're saying, but you also forget that this neurochemical activity disolves after 6 months to 2 year's time, to be replaced by other function, such as established neural pathways. You're basicaly "used" to being with this significant other. In psychology, this is termed Passionate Love stage versus Companionate Love stage. There are also other, external factors that can lead to the breakdown of this pair bonding cycle. Money issues contributes to a larger amount of breakups than sexual issues. Also, the human brain is larger than the sum of its parts. In this thread, we speak of open relationships, but there are different forms "open". Swinging and polyamory, although often lumped together, are drasticaly different from one another. In most Western society, we have the one-on-one model as the accepted form of pairing. It's socialised and ritualised. But how do you explain polygamy (Middle and Far Eastern societies), polygyny (African societies), or quads (Inuit)? Science cannot fully define love anymore than religion or State can. We're the 3 blind men and the elephant on this one. I think it just boils down to free will. Just as some will listen to pop music and eat at McDonalds their entire lives, others will go discover EBM, punk, or klezmer and try sushi or crickets dipped in chocolate.

dreamblade

Joined: 2/5/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Open realtionships is it just cheating Posted: 2/20/2007 6:31:03 PM
OR we could all just respect and cherish our partners and live life without infidelity. Sounds like a good plan to me! With a 50% divorce rate in North America, I need to ask what planet do you live on? I'm sorry to be so rude, but what you propose is has NEVER been. It's a commandement in the Old Testament, and there are myths and legends about infidelity as far as human memory can stretch! Look, nobody's putting down monogamy. My grandparents made it work, my parents make it work. If you can make it work, all the power to you! I would love to be in a commited, monogamous relationship right now, since gods know, with career, training, and life in general, I wouldn't have the energy to deal with multiple partners. What Zentral, Closet_Geek, and others are so eloquently saying is that maybe there are other forms of relationship that CAN work, not just the one on one that's been rammed down our throats for so long. If you're happy in monogamy, good for you! But don't condemn something you obviously have no idea about. My advice to you, AngelAmbie: Take off the rose-coloured glasses and open your mind.

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