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SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 487 (view)

Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles Posted: 8/2/2009 8:59:01 PM
For some reason, all of this reminds me of a conversation I once had, where I said someone had gotten all indignant about something. The person I was speaking to said, "You mean 'indigent'." And I thought about it, and said, "No, she was indignant, feisty, pissed of, unhappy about it, whatever." He said, "I'm sure you meant to say indigent. It's no big deal." I changed the subject. When I got home, I looked both words up in the dictionary to be certain I hadn't lost my mind. When this person called again, I had no interest in spending any time with him again. It was just such a turn-off that he was a rude know-it-all, and wrong on top of it! This wasn't even a dating situation. So what's the point? Though it's not a dictionary, you might consider spending some time with a book of manners and ettiquette, so that you realize you have lost your *^&% mind, especially if these posts are your idea of humor. Devil's advocate: maybe it comes across better in person, though I doubt it. Seems like it would be creepier and more offensive.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

The no-chemistry conversation Posted: 8/2/2009 8:25:11 PM
CatGirl1966, I've been hearing that a lot lately, from people of all ages. I think you're onto something, there.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

The Five Minute Date Posted: 7/29/2009 12:19:24 PM
Gasp! You wasted half a glass of Guiness?! I'm with the guy who said you should have moved to the bar and chatted with someone else. I also liked the idea of shoving her finger up somebody's nose! However, I think you leaving was the classier choice. If someone stuck their finger in my face, I might have misplaced all class and said LOUDLY: "Excuse me? EXCUSE ME? Did you just wave your finger in MY face, you rude, egotistical little _____ ___ _______?!" Nah. I would have given it one minute (counted out) and left. Good for you. Except for the Guiness part. Bad boy.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 348 (view)

Guys don't want to be just friends, but girls do, why is that? Posted: 6/21/2009 12:34:41 AM
I like people. I don't decide whether I like your company or your views or your humor based upon your gender. If , for whatever reason, nookie isn't in the picture, am I supposed to stop liking and valuing you as a person? If I'm a man talking about a woman, it seems like the answer is often 'yes'. If she's not a potential sex partner, what's the point. We're not people unless we're physically repulsive, and sometimes, not even then. Otherwise we're potential receiver holes, dragging the poor man along on a thread of hope, if we like and respect him enough to want him in our lives. Yeesh.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 125 (view)

I Want Someone Like ME- is it too much to ask? Posted: 6/21/2009 12:25:48 AM
cabrandon, you are severely limiting yourself, and no, I don't mean you should settle. Those six things you have to offer: what if the girl who has those traits isn't looking for those? Say that kind of girl wants a man who's modest, puts family and faith first, knows that money isn't everything, isn't wrapped up in appearances...there's no way you could appeal to her. If she's worked hard to develop a career, she might want a man willing to be a househusband and raise the kids, rather than being with someone who would never put her first. On top of which, the glass cieling still exists, and women still make less than men for the same jobs. While I'd never rule someone out because they had children, or married young, I understand the feeling of "I waited for the right person/situation. I knew myself well enough to wait. Why didn't you?" or something along those lines (hard to put into words). Maybe if you stopped worrying so much about externals, and worry about internals, which are the things that make a relationship last, you'd have better luck. If she has her own high-powered career, you'll never have time for each other. If she got her money by marriage or inheritance, how does that make her your "equal"? Sorry, but to me it sounds like you think your accomplishments make you a better person than most, and that as such, you want someone like you. Sharing values is a good thing, but people who are too much alike tend to butt heads. It's 3 a.m. and I'm having trouble finding the right words... You need someone complementary to your career, and all the rest, not someone who's looking to do what you seek to do. The match to your puzzle piece needs to click together, not fit over exactly. I hope you got the gist of what I meant. Good luck.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 51 (view)

Proactive Self-Improvement Posted: 6/21/2009 12:10:04 AM
WOW. So many perspectives, so little time... I think posts 43 & 44 (?) seemed to get the gist of what I was saying, and said it better than I did. All of you gave me something to think about and a different way to think about it (and no, I'm not pretending to be you to see things your way). I really appreciate you taking the time to come up with such well-thought-out answers. God (or whomever you prefer) bless you, and thanks alot!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 141 (view)

Does a man with a complicated personality threaten a woman's ego? Posted: 6/20/2009 7:45:40 PM
Being in any way outside of 'the norm' is a difficult life, but well worth it if you can take it. You might need a complicated woman. Or a very simple one. Don't give up! Some of us like a man who's more than a shallow, unthinking shell whose opinions are all those of his parents, and who's never had an original thought. We're rare, and often as "renaissance" as you are, which seems to drive guys nuts. BUT-- Have you considered that maybe it's something else, related or not, that's causing your low "keeper" numbers?? Good Luck EDIT: RobertsLoveQuest seems to be onto something...

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Are good intentions enough to ignore uncomfortable results? Posted: 6/20/2009 7:34:15 PM
owiseone, post #4, hit it right on the head. I have seen it happen again and again exactlly that way, and it even happened to me once. Show him your post and that will fulfill any duty to future females. Tell her to run, not walk, away, and don't look back!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Inspired by the ad of one beautiful woman on this site Posted: 6/18/2009 9:44:15 AM
I was just going to say "wtf?!" but I must add that statistics--yes, even real ones--can be skewed to say just about anything.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Proactive Self-Improvement Posted: 6/18/2009 9:37:11 AM
Beershark, if I further my education, or get in better shape, or focus on my spiritual side (all of which I'd planned to do anyway) how is that 'changing of bait' dishonest?

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 352 (view)

So is love a choice? Posted: 6/18/2009 8:39:54 AM
Love is a verb. It's an action one takes continuously until it's automatic, but retains the element of choice. (this made a lot more sense in my head and I don't feel like writing a paragraph to explain my theory right now, but ---love is something you do or don't do) As for controlling it when a relationship is over, if we knew how to turn it off without taking drastic measures (like despicable behavior), the whole world would be a different place.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 50 (view)

Question Concerning Body Type, Smoking or Religion? Posted: 6/18/2009 8:24:41 AM
They all matter. Some people think body type and smoking are character issues which is the outside affecting the inside=bad. Some people think if you're athletic, you spend no time improving what's inside (ie., reading, spirituality, education) , because all you do is workout and plan your meals and judge others. People have all kinds of judgements (accurate or not) attached to appearance. Smoking is a health issue. Second-hand smoke is miserable and kills, esp. if you have astma or hay fever. Plenty of overweight people are healthier than sedentary thin people. Plenty of underweight people are unhealthy. It doesn't matter, someone has a judgement attached to it. Religion: Live and let live is the key, but some people are incapable of that.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 49 (view)

Question Concerning Body Type, Smoking or Religion? Posted: 6/18/2009 8:24:10 AM
oops, somehow double-posted

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Warped perspectives.....LOL! Posted: 6/18/2009 7:49:28 AM
WOW. I haven't run into anything as bad as ya'll, thank goodness. At least, as far as I know; maybe they just haven't been exposed yet...

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 174 (view)

Men....what do you think if SHE pays ? Posted: 6/18/2009 7:42:25 AM
browneyesboo, you said it! I've always paid my own way, except when someone took me out for my birthday! When I'm flush, I love to treat, too. Even when I'm broke, I'll suggest we go somewhere cheap and pay my own way, or go somewhere free, or even (gasp!) stay home. I try not to be that broke... I was taught to never be a free-loader, and that generosity is a desirable virtue.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Proactive Self-Improvement Posted: 6/18/2009 7:29:38 AM
ForRumOnly, I think you captured it in a nutshell. I have no desire to 'pretend to be' anything, but if I want someone educated, I need to get educated. If I want someone fit and active, then I need to get in shape and go do things! If I want a good listener, I need to be one. (But I might look into that fishing boat idea and learn to cook the catch!) Everyone else: Thank you for your input and insights. I am comfortable with the growth path I'm on, and I'd like to find someone (who's actually on one!) who can say the same. My little overly-analytical plan revealed to me some of the things that are important to me that I'd never really firmly articulated wanting from someone else. No one demands more of me than I do, but I've been expecting very little from others, and that's exactly what I've been getting. While getting in better shape and being more outgoing might be fair of someone to expect from me, I've realized that the things I bring to the table, like honesty, low-maintenance, independence, smarts, self-awareness, kindness, and openness (for example) are things that I have a right to want from others, so the experiment has been productive, I think. Thanks again for speaking up!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 38 (view)

Thank you all for your comments! Posted: 6/18/2009 7:12:15 AM
My question wasn't meant to be whether to leave pof, but whether a paysite made a difference. It was late, I was tired, and I didn't express myself well. Actually, I mainly wanted to know whether guy 1 was talking out of his ass, or I was missing something. I always like to have more than just 2 viewpoints on something like that. Which you all gave me, in spades! I think paying won't get me anything different than this, or other sites I visit, because I do see alot of the same faces and 'voices', and some people really have nothing better to do than rabble-rouse with their posts all over the internet. Some people just want to reach out to others, by any means possible. There are a myriad of people floating in between the extremes. Some of the stuff I read hear makes me feel old and wise, some of it makes me feel very innocent. Though I can't be blind to 'trends', come what may, I'm not going to make the same mistake guy1 made in painting *any group of people* with the same brush. Thank you again for all of your insights.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

How much do you know and understand your man on your own??? Posted: 6/18/2009 12:52:16 AM
It's important for each of us to know what makes our partner feel cherished. It's equally vital to know what makes yourself feel cherished, and to communicate it clearly. If you just say, "Iwant him to cherish me!" To him, that may mean changing the oil in your car and making sure your tires are inflated properly---he's keeping you safe because he loves you. To you, he just did a chore; nice but not loving. You think you're loving him by trying to get him to talk when he's troubled, and he just feels nagged, but doesn't want to start a fight by saying so. Maybe for him to feel loved, you have to leave him alone when you don't want to. Men primarily feel loved when they get regular sex. (I mean regularLY, not vanilla!) There's a saying that seems to apply: Men give love to get sex. Women give sex to get love. All the other stuff is trimming. I'm still trying to figure out all the things that make me feel loved. Some things make me feel cherished just because he lets me know that that's why he did them. I need an active, caring listener. I need frequent touches that are affectionate, and not sex-seeking. I need him to talk to me about good stuff and bad, how he feels about things (including me!). I need kissing and cuddling that are about intimacy, not always leading to sex. I need to know that my thoughts and opinions are valued and respected. I need to know that he wants me. I need the words, sometimes. And I need him to know what he needs from me and be willing and able to articulate it.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Proactive Self-Improvement Posted: 6/18/2009 12:34:35 AM
You know how the nerds who wanted a cheerleader would study what she likes and then strive to become it? Like, if she wanted an athletic guy who listened well and brought her flowers, that's what he'd become. Well, I've taken to doing my PoF searches like research. I find guys that I would really like, from looks to intelligence and communication, to all the pof search criteria & personality matching. Then I see what characteristics they look for in a woman and compile a list. I check off the ones I have, and circle the ones I am lacking in. My plan is to correct my bait for the fish I'm trying to catch! I can work on being more athletic, and letting my sense of humor shine through, for example. I can increase my focus on spirituality. These are all positive changes I can make without altering my basic personality, and most of them are things I was working on for myself, anyway. So, am I on track? Am I taking this too seriously? Have I just lost it in the competitive urge to ACHIEVE THAT GOAL! Ahem. What do you think of my plan? Thanks for your feedback.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 83 (view)

good kiss / bad kiss Posted: 6/17/2009 8:07:08 AM
Kissing is different for everyone. I, for instance, absolutely cannot stand slobber, while my friend thinks 'hot, wet, sloppy kisses' are the tops in romance. We read about blowing in someone's ear, or sticking one's tongue in there, and to me that's just noisy and like getting a wet willie; nasty. Anyway, good kissing: gently exploratory, passionate and forceful at times, not too delicate or fluttery, sucking pulse points, cupping of face or neck is good, as are direction changes. Bad Kissing: drooling, dry mouth, pointy-tongued stabbing, tooth licking, extreme pressure, bloodletting (cuts or bites), bad breath, blowing, sucking hard, hair-yanking, starting with biting w/o warmup.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

different rules for different fools? Posted: 6/15/2009 11:15:34 PM
Let the supervisor know, because anyone who plays these kinds of games could report you for harassment in a fit of pique. Cover your a$$ while you can.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 158 (view)

Ladies, Want to know what happened to all the Nice Guys? Posted: 6/15/2009 11:02:44 PM
There are nice guys out there. The problem is that no one ever taught them that there's more to personality than just 'nice'. Develop more interests than just 'girls' or 'football and girls'. Have some character and smarts. Be able to converse. Be willing to converse--which means talk AND listen. Both are equally important. It means that getting a girl isn't your only goal in life, either. Personally, I love vanilla. But I often want a ribbon of fudge or a sprinkle of nuts to keep it from being boring.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Average in time taken before meeting in person? Posted: 6/15/2009 10:27:06 PM
There's no average time. For me, it depends upon how much and how often we've talked. How I feel about you from that. Have I weeded out the whacko factor as much as possible? Are we not going to meet at all? Lots of questions have to be answered from both of us before we meet. That's just the way I feel about it. If you're being sincere online, then we're getting to know one another.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Accidently ignored? Or just not interested? Posted: 6/15/2009 10:22:17 PM
You're adorable. Shake it off, calculate the odds, and move on. She wasn't the one, or she'd respond. Move on. Maybe in 6 weeks, after you've forgotten her, she'll surprise you with a note. But you'll have moved on, and you'll have to look her up...

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

maybe a stupid question Posted: 6/15/2009 10:00:09 PM
If I didn't feel like I'd recognize and be comfortable with you, I'm not going to meet you. I'd rather get to know a guy first, without appearance being an issue. Also, I notice looking back, that I can be deeply swayed by a voice---one way or the other--- so I try to know them before I get hoodwinked by the shallow stuff.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

What's up with this? Posted: 6/15/2009 9:57:02 PM
It's not you, dude. It's her.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Why are the Good Ones so far away??? Posted: 6/15/2009 9:42:20 PM
I've wondered about this too. I think different people have different reasons, several of which you've already mentioned. I think it's kind of like that phenomenon where people will type to you things they'd never say to your face. They're hiding behind distance and the keyboard.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 37 (view)

I don't kiss on the first date Posted: 6/15/2009 9:39:11 PM
Kissed her once, shame on him. Kissed her twice--shame on her.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

how long b4 you give up? Posted: 6/14/2009 9:29:22 PM
I'm against settling, but if your wants are unrealistic, you'll never get a decent result. Try talking to women in real life.I hear that works better in your situation.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

She was interested but now distant? Posted: 6/14/2009 9:15:22 PM
Wow. Harsh. Either something you said really pushed a button--hard, or she's got a boyfriend, and realized she's enjoying your company a little TOO much, so she nipped that possible transgression in the bud, as she should. Maybe she's just a bltch.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Love ya! oops! Posted: 6/14/2009 9:11:40 PM
Thanks! I thought it was just me! I feel better now

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

What am i doing wrong? Posted: 6/14/2009 8:47:42 PM
I think that if any of us had the real, true answers to these questions, we would be with our significant other or out meeting people, instead of here. I'm just sayin'...

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

What makes for a great opening message? Posted: 6/14/2009 8:45:37 PM
Tom-Thumb was on the right track: Try to look for something in their profile that you have in common and comment and question about it, questions about anything are always a good opener. You can be complimentary but only a teeeeeeeny bit, and don't mention looks or physical attraction. I find women like to know that you share their interests and are impressed by their character. If you can't come up with any questions or comments on her profile, why on earth are you writing to her? Probably not for a good reason...

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Robbed by Another Fish from this Pond! Posted: 6/14/2009 8:42:18 PM
I agree with most of the above. Why would anyone, esp. someone with a child, invite a stranger into their home? And then leave them unsupervised? You'll be lucky if he doesn't come back for your tv and dvd player. Or your kid. Jeezus, be more careful, would you?!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

How to know if she is still looking for new men after we been seeing eachother for a few weeks Posted: 6/14/2009 8:29:06 PM
If you haven't talked about exclusivity, you shouldn't expect any. Besides, what are you doing of PoF, if her being here troubles you? Lighten up. And SPEAK UP. In a non-possessive kind of way...

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Hard Time Dating Posted: 6/14/2009 8:02:10 PM
I'll tell you what. I'll take your emails on how good you look, and you can take mine that say they prefer a "fit" woman, or one "younger" than them, or my favorite "I'm looking to start a family, so you obviously won't do." I haven't noticed how to tell how many favorites you have like some others have mentioned here, and I don't see what it has to do with anything, unless you favorited them without writing to them---that would be silly. If you don't like the fish you're catching, change the bait a bit. But it sounds like you're in the frog-kissing stage. It's a long one, but it can lead to a prince, so pucker up, and keep up the good work. Good luck!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

is cyber chat better than meeting? Posted: 6/14/2009 7:51:21 PM
At first it is, esp. if the ability to communicate is important to you. Why waste time and money if you can type with the girl, see how/who she is, before you let your d*ck start making your decisions for you? Or...is that why you're in such a rush to meet?

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Painted with the same brush Posted: 6/14/2009 7:49:12 PM
So, I met this guy on here. We're exchanging emails madly. Then, it becomes clear:he's not only not interested in me, he's not interested in anyone. Why? Because (his words) most women on PoF are selling their cervixes. He seems to think we're all hoes or stupid, or stupid hoes. Considering the responses I get from a simple "hello, I liked your profile and would like to know more about you", I'm starting to think he may be right about the guys. Oh, then there are the ones who balding and sedentary, but insist upon a younger, "fit" girl. My question is, WTF?! Am I wasting my time here, like guy1 tells me I am? Do I have to go to a pay site, or just go back to depending upon fate? Pros vs Cons, please. Thanks for your time!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

2 questions Posted: 6/13/2009 1:12:41 AM
what Raiderfan18 & bklynrebel said. The text vs phone thing is just weird, and a definite red flag on so many levels... I'm book smart. Guys don't like that in a dateable girl. She's fun to talk with, and that's it. Some guys enjoy it for awhile, but it's just not the main event. But that's another thread. You are in a new city and all; try taking some community classes or joining a sport or club. There are groups and meetings for EVERY interest, I assure you. You've got the web and the phone---search for them!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

pleas advice n my profile.... Posted: 6/13/2009 1:04:33 AM
Mrmarc77/cuddly teddy bear, I suggest you copy/paste into word and run a spellcheck.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Can you ladies spot a manipulative man? Posted: 6/13/2009 1:00:41 AM
Yes. 6 months. Violence. Nope.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Anyone ever have their first-time date show up with their mom? Posted: 6/13/2009 12:42:15 AM
"faced with potential for greater happiness"= "really cute girl with giant boobs"??

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Genuine doesn't exist? Posted: 6/13/2009 12:36:27 AM
I don't know. I contact someone with whom I have a 99% match and mostly similar interests, and he's always got some crap reason why he won't even get to know me. I'm very straightforward and honest, and they just don't care, despite expressly stating that that's what they wanted. I'm about ready to give up.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Is power a turn on? Posted: 6/13/2009 12:30:40 AM
Absolutely. That's why I'm after as much of it as I can get. If my guy can add to the pool, so much the better. We'll be Brangelina!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 210 (view)

borderline personality disorder-any info? Posted: 6/12/2009 11:26:43 PM
If his initials ar bbc, run like hell. Otherwise, ask him. He might be diagnosed and in need of a meds adjustment. Or maybe, like a previous poster, he's off his meds. Mental illness is very treatable with therapy and meds, but left untreated, it can turn into a nightmare for all concerned. Try talking to him. Good luck!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

are we all here because we hate the opposite sex??? Posted: 6/12/2009 10:46:59 PM
It's not all bad. You should read some of the stuff I got when I asked about interracial dating. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks we're all part of the same race---human.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Make her laugh Posted: 6/12/2009 10:40:26 PM
You're supposed to want her to laugh with you, not at you. Now that's funny!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 78 (view)

Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles Posted: 6/12/2009 10:36:24 PM
A first meet should never be anything expensive. It shouldn't even be long, unless you just mightily hit it off or something. A first meet should be a drink, or coffee, or an icecream, or just a walk in the park, a sit on a bench. Otherwise, I'm a big fan of miniature golf and bowling because it lets me see if you're a good sport, and I still get to talk with you. You, sir, are kinda cheap. You've got some unfair expectations. Not saying that any of that is bad, just that you need to be aware of them when you're making plans, and take them into account. Do something cheap for a first meet. Then you don't have to worry or wonder.

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Should a guy have to chase you ? Posted: 6/12/2009 10:19:42 PM
Not me, but plenty of women feel they should make you chase them, or that they should never initiate anything. Ick. Maybe she's just not that into you... Goodluck!

SheliaM

Joined: 5/11/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Ok what the heck? Posted: 6/12/2009 10:11:52 PM
What the bloody heck are you trying to say?! Perhaps they were freaked out by your lack of communication skills.

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