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winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

GIVE BDAY PRESENT TO EX?? Posted: 4/10/2007 8:11:20 AM
Breaking up Sucks - especially when you want some closure or have unresolved feelings. Sounds like its time to do some soul searching and decide what YOU want. Do you want to maintain contact with this guy? Sounds like his desire for a second chance only applies if it's on his terms. Not yours. Or - would you be making this gesture in an obscure hope/plan to get more information from him to resolve some of the things you need closure on? ( which you may never get) Regardless of your decision, make sure it's the right one for you. IF you want him in your life, then sure- a gesture like that may be a good healing point. If not - then take the gift back, get the money for it and do something for yourself. One way or the other, make a decision and stick with it - accepting all the consequences that come with it. Stay strong, Kitten

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Is this real or am I naive? Posted: 3/27/2007 11:07:24 AM
Lots of people aren't just happy with the drama in their own lives - they feel the need to create it in the lives of others as well. What I find interesting, is a bit of investigation shows they really aren't all that good covering up their own lies. I guess they don't really care if they are found out to be liars - they are happy with the drama they have produced. I dated a guy like that when I first started online dating - things just didn't add up. I was really wrapped up in it at the time. It was hard to get over. Just know you aren't the only one to fall for stuff like that. What is really funny is that several years later, he still calls or emails every once in a while to see if he can still stir the pot . Last time it was with a big apology for being a jerk - quickly followed by a request for no strings attached $ex. LMAO.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

How close do you let people get? Posted: 2/14/2007 9:58:36 AM
I have a gaggle of "aquaintances" but only 2 or 3 close, close friends in my lifetime. This sounds about right to me. Pretty normal. Friends come and go - that's a fact of life you may be close to someone at some point and end up drifting apart as your and their life change. There are very few people in your life who will be there for ever. I have some friends who I talk to maybe three times a year- but I still consider them my friends because of the affection I feel for them. We just pick up where we left off when we do get a chance to see each other. As for Yogeshi - your co-workers know everything about you - I ask how much you know about them? Maybe you're that annoying guy at the office who only ever talks about himself. When you ask how things are going and they do answer - do you manage to turn their experiences back to something about yourself? I know that kind of behavior causes me me to avoid intereactions with someone. Hope that doesn't seem harsh. Kitten

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

What ever happened to woman being fun? Posted: 1/29/2007 4:05:50 PM
A question that comes to my mind (as I may fall into the category of one of those Serious career oriented women)is; At what point in the relationship or dating cycle are you expecting this FUN to occur? Chances are - the Fun girl who likes to Let Her Hair Down is not going to come out in your first meeting. For me - that happens when I know someone really well and am comfortable enough with them and feel safe enough with them to let loose. If I meet a guy on a first date and he wants me to instantly let loose and open up with him, he will be disappointed. Mind you, if things are going well, the conversation has flowed back and forth over a few dates and phone conversations and she is still is no fun - I would say that she is either boring, or not into you and it's time to move on. Also - Not sure when your dates are occuring - but I'm usually beat by the end of my day - the prospect of doing much besides working out or running errands and getting ready for another day at work is about all I have planned on my evenings. Fun on Weekends is a better bet. Anyway - that's my thought. Kitten

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 159 (view)

Has anyone ever been dumped via email? Posted: 11/30/2006 6:38:52 AM
Oh for sure been dumped brutally via email - however, I also think it's ok to dump via email or the phone but here is the ettiquite I came up with. If you have been having $ex and are in an exclusive relationsip, then it is best form to do it in person but it's ok if you choose a public place if you're a chicken. Anything other than in person is rude. If you have not been intimate yet but were dating exclusively, it's ok to do it by phone. If you have not been intimate yet, have been on a couple dates and it just isn't what you want, its ok to do it via email. If the significant other has turned into a posessive freak, it's ok to do it by email or phone because you may need a head start when they try to find you. Kitten

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

will she ever change? Posted: 11/23/2006 2:56:48 PM
We cannot change the behavior of the people around us, we can only change our own behaviors towards them.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 41 (view)

Online Illusion Posted: 9/20/2006 7:38:42 AM
Falling in love with someone who we have never actually met and then being disillusioned once we meet them is one of the big pitfalls of "getting to know someone online" . We want to fall in love, we want all those good things to happen to us, and lets face it- it's kind of fun. Those moments of speculation about that new potential significant other out there who may just be that all elusive "one" makes us feel good. Honestly, sometimes the most fun I ever have with someone online occurs before I ever meet them in person. I always tell people that Actions speak louder than words. When you interact with someone online - you only get to read their words or hear their words on the phone. YOu don't get to see their actions. It is important to also make the distinction that when you hear about their actions, again - it is only in their words. Anything you read into their words about their actions comes from you and what you hope they will be like and it goes both ways. It is so easy to become disillusioned when the person you actually meet turns out to be not all you expected or hoped they would be. It's important to keep your expectations real about "what getting to know someone online" really means. You are only interacting with this person on a verbal or written level. You dont KNOW them at all. All this service allows us to do is come in contact with people we normally wouldn't ever meet and allow that first initial contact to occur in a safe way. THATS IT!. Getting to know them has to occur face to face. Feelings are tricky things. We feel them and they are real, but when we feel them it is within a certain context. You need to identify that context and decide if it is real or one you want to be real. If it's based upon your interpretation of someones words without ever seeing their actions, the context may only exist in your own mind. So thats my rant, kitten

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Ever ran into an ex unexpectedly? Posted: 8/24/2006 8:08:58 AM
my Xs Seem to pop into my life every once in a while. Usually I end up making meaningless small talk and walking away. ...going through my head: What did I see in you? Wow - am I ever lucky to have escaped that one! kitten

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Are people really that childish or insecure? Posted: 8/17/2006 11:25:12 AM
Let's remember we're using TEXT as our main form of communication - the tone the writer has in their head, and the tone the reader reads can be completely different - hence the potential for miscommunication. Dave - sounds like you and she were not on the same wave length - save the light teasing for in person and a girl may not feel the urge to blast you. Kitten.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

How can we regain trust in others or ourselves? Posted: 6/17/2006 11:32:57 PM
Am saying HI to David - who's profile I am unable to see. Not sure if that is because of his choice, or if it's a flaw on the site. Anyway, I read over some of the posts and felt that while alot of the advice was good - it was also abstract. I'm an analytical person - Actions that can be taken are a good thing when trying to mend relationships. From what I read - you desire two things- 1 - to regain the trust of a person you care about 2 - have someone regain your trust in them because you care about them. The tough part about trust is it requires two people. Only one of which you have any control over in terms of behavior or emotion - yourself. Looks like there are actually three people involved in what ever happened - so let's focus on what is going on between you and the person who's trust you lost first. IN order to regain someone's trust - it has to matter to you - and you need to want it to happen - it is safe to assume that exists for you David or you would not have put this post up. However, in order to regain someone's trust they need to want to be able to trust you again. Does this other person want that? Did you ask? So I guess the first concrete action would be to initiate an open, honest conversation about what happened that caused the trust to be lost in the first place. These are rarely fun or easy. I have no idea what the situation was - but I imagine that if it caused all Trust to be blown out of the water, I would expect some sort of tears, anger, recriminations, whatever happens. Regardless of what happens, make sure the message gets through that : 1 - you are sorry for what ever you did - you need to be able to accept responsibility for your own actions 2 - you want to regain their trust 3 - you need to know if regaining their trust is possible 4 - ask them if they can tell you what it will take to regain their trust If they can communicate a coherent response - great - if they can't - be prepared to wait. Let them think about it and get back to you. Be patient. Be loving. Be prepared to hear what you don't want to at hear. Above all else - accept and respect their answers and don't try to change them or convince them to feel differently than they do. I expect that if they care about you but aren't ready to trust - a response from you that is respectful and supportive of their feelings will go along way in healing the trust that isn't there. Feelings change over time, but right now everything is probably quite fragile and so you need to be aware of that and take things slow. If someone isn't ready to try to trust you yet - you have to accept that. That doesn't mean you quit trying or get out of their lives, you just do things on their terms. If/when you get a chance to re-establish some sort of situation that might heal your trust - make sure you are completely solid - don't mess it up. Recognise it for the test and opportunity that it is. Be grateful for it. Part 2 of my essay deals on your desire to trust someone after they have done something that causes you to no longer trust them. Of the two situations - I expect this is the one that is probably harder to deal with. When you are the hurt party, you can't make the person who hurt you be sorry and want to regain your trust. All you can do is be hurt and hope that they care enough to want to make it better. The idea that they don't percieve the situation the same as you, or might not care enough or be brave enough to take responsibility for their actions is disappointing and potentially hurtful but it needs to be acknowledged and addressed. Often the hardest part of the situation is not knowing exactly where the other person stands. Regardless of if trust is going to be established between the two of you again, you can choose to initiate a conversation where you make a few things clear. 1 - It is important to let them know that the trust you had in them has been broken. I know it seems obvious - but they may not know - so dont' assume that they do. Also - make the focus of the conversation about you. Don't use phrases that would normally be accompanied by a pointing finger. Start your sentences with reference to yourself. 2 - Keep control of the conversation - the next thing you need to find out is if they value you enough as a person in their life to want to regain your trust. Ask them. Wait for an answer. If the answer is yes - the rebuilding of trust can begin but be prepared for the possibility that the answer may be NO - they may say Yes - but their actions may indicate No. So be prepared and protect yourself for this possibility. If they really mean Yes, and you want to trust them again, then really - you will find a way. Explain how you percieve the situation that caused the break in trust and how you feel. Be honest, respectful, try not to be angery. If you want to trust them, you will have to forgive them. Ok - so there is my advice- long winded, I know - obviously it is a topic that is near and dear to my own heart. If you do manage to read through it - I hope you can find something you can use. Kitten oh dear - looks like I took too long writing my response - oh well

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

How to get a date on plentyoffish Posted: 6/17/2006 10:23:00 PM
If you enjoyed your conversation on MSN - then tell her - write her an email - you already have it if you are using MSN - let her answer back at her convenience. Casually suggest that you would enjoy continuing your conversation or continue it via email. Your chance of getting a response via email is pretty good as you are not a stranger now - but you are also not some pushy guy who asks for her phone number right away. Here is why girls don't like to give out numbers before they feel comfortable. If it's a land line, there are sites where you can do a reverse look up and find out where they live. With all the lovely map features available online, a guy can get driving directions to your house if they are directionally challenged - he can even look up the address on Google earth and get an idea of the color of your house, and see what is in your yard - Kids bikes, toys? Car color? I know that seems paranoid, but there are some very easy ways to invade someone's privacy - regardless of how innocent you may be in asking for a number. In giving it to you, she is also giving you alot of power. Everyone can become a victim, but I think single women and single moms tend to be more aware of their vulerabilities and feel the need to take safety precautions to protect themselves and their kids. It's a nasty fact of life but that is how it is. In providing your number, you are not in anyway asking her to compromise her safety. If you are happy to know her via email she knows you can't trace that back to where she lives. Asking for her number raises a red flag in the back of her mind and causes her to feel uncomfortable on two fronts: One - she doesn't know you or how you would use the information you might be able to get from her phone number. Two - you have placed her in an awkward situation where she has to tell you no - she basically doesn't trust you yet- not a good way to start off is it? Hope that helps, Kitten

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

frequencies Posted: 6/16/2006 10:47:53 AM
if you get offline and give it everything you got the woman will think that you are desesperate. believe me, i have been there. I don't know any other way of getting to know someone and when you show interest, its a sign for women to push you back cos there must be something wrong with you. I've earned my PhD I would have to disagree with this statement as well - if he is really into me and I am into him - we both go offline - maybe even do it together one night if you are really serious. Actions speak louder than worlds, if things are really going well - how is going off line for a bit desperate? It's not like you can't repost your profile if things don't work out. And it's a nice gesture.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Has Anyone Had This Happen??? Posted: 5/31/2006 3:07:06 PM
Not personally - some people are just passive agressive jerks. Be the better person and move on. Best luck, Erin

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

are these red flags? Posted: 5/29/2006 9:02:04 PM
is at least once a week too much after 5 months? At least once a week of what? What does this statement refer to?

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Remaining Friends' after a couple of dates Posted: 5/23/2006 7:32:37 PM
Some people you click with, others you don't. I know I've been on a couple of dates where I know I won't be their friend afterwards. They aren't bad people but friends are people you want to spend time with. You seek them out and they seek you out as a choice when you have some spare time, or you have made time for each other. Not everyone you meet is going to get that type of a priority in your life nor should they expect to just because you went on a couple dates. kitten.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Is it insulting the guy? Posted: 5/23/2006 7:07:21 PM
Quote: in my experience, when a girl offers/insists/goes ahead and pays for her own dinner/whatever, that means the date did not go well. Lol - I totally do that.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Why is it that women expect the men to start everything?? Posted: 5/15/2006 9:44:49 AM
Most of the men I've met on online dating sites contacted me. Here is why I date the guys who contact me - It's because the guys I Contact rarely write back. Not responding to people online if you're not interested goes both ways.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

IS IT WRONG FOR ME TO DATE A 28YR OLD?!! Posted: 5/5/2006 9:16:37 AM
Nothing wrong with a difference in age - and who knows - maybe you and he will blissfully be able to get past the Ex with the kid and the argueing and all the other reasons why he most likely can't get a woman closer to his own age touch him with a 10 foot pole. I see guys in icky situations like you have described persue girls (and I do use that word on purpose) who are significantly younger than them all the time. Hell - I used to be the girl they persued. The attraction was when we're young, we see those trials in his life as life experience and are easily impressed by them rather than repulsed. You're young - live - enjoy the relationship - if it goes south - well - I have no doubt it will be a learning experience. Good luck Kitten.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Re: How 2 gain Confidence when dating Posted: 4/26/2006 10:22:51 PM
Let's not focus on their experience and if you pleased them. Did they please you? Doesn't sound like it. Especially if their "lil Commednts" got you down. Next date - try a rule of thumb. Spend an hour with them. If you are having a good time - great - stay longer. If not - politely thank them for their time and beg off with having to meet up with a friend. It's all about what you want because if you aren't happy - ultimately - any relationship you enter into is doomed.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

BrokenHEART Posted: 4/10/2006 7:51:45 AM
It's pretty normal to feel badly about breaking up - doesn't matter if you did the dumping or not. What in particular bothers you about the situation?

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

Wall Climbing Posted: 3/31/2006 9:42:45 PM
UofA butterdome has a wall.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Funniest Commercials You've Seen In Awhile.... Posted: 3/14/2006 9:46:54 AM
the herding cat commercial - EDS - It's old but I still love it. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4057591681481453187

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 107 (view)

what is it that u find in peoples profile pictures that turn u off right away? Posted: 3/1/2006 9:38:40 PM
Big turn offs for me - the swilling beer shot - Tough to see someone as potentially attractive with that flushed, disheveled, untucked, rumpled look. OH yeah - and every see anyone with a good picture of them in the middle of taking a drink? - The expensive car shot - if it's a hobby great, if it's an old beater - we can swap break down stories. If it's something that cost as much as my house - what kind of self indulgent freak are you? If a girl is really going to date you because of the car you drive - chances are you will soon be selling it ( to pay your credit cards). Am I being judgemental - probably - oh well. I guess I should take the picture of my dog laying on his back off - I thought it was kind of funny. I let people know aobut my cat so guys with alergies can steer clear. Nothing like dealing with a bout of anaphalactic shock to make the night come to a close - unless it's a crappy date and he's an a$$ hole and you take him into the Wee Book Inn on purpose. (Here Kitty Kitty) E.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

why can't i trust people.. men rather? Posted: 2/14/2006 10:41:11 PM
Maybe before you start to trust men - you need to learn to trust yourself. Learn from the mistakes you've made in the past - recongnize the patterns of behavior for what they are and work on changing them. Then when you come across a guy who is gong to try to "live off you" you can recongize him for what he is a little earlier and hopefully kick him to the curb.

winterykitten

Joined: 2/8/2006

Msg: 309 (view)

O.K. guys,want to know why some women don't respond to your e-mails? Here's why.... Posted: 2/14/2006 8:45:37 PM
I'm going to try an experiment - I'm going to respond honestly to the emails I've recieved that I am not interested in - and let you all know the % where I get some sort of negative or "Wounded Ego" reply. kitten

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