What do y'all think about this scenario? chat & forums.

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VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

What do y'all think about this scenario? Posted: 11/24/2009 10:56:11 AM
He's tiresome, at best. Move along.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Help with getting your foot in the door Posted: 11/24/2009 10:41:56 AM
Women spend all their money on makeup and corn remover. Hahaha! Manwich, where do you come up with this stuff?! Flyin squirrel's advice was good. Behave as though you have self-confidence. Stand up straighter; speak as though what you have to say deserves to be heard. It might feel unnatural at first, but after a while, you will find you really do have some confidence. What do you mean by "your own league"? Approach women who have shown signs that they are approachable.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Asking A Girl If She's Comfortable With Pace Posted: 11/24/2009 10:09:47 AM
Just take her on a real date, not a "hang-out." Do not text her to ask whether she is comfortable or only sees you as a friend; that would be wussy. And kiss her on the lips, not the cheek. You have at least some testosterone; put it to use! Seems she has made it more than clear that she likes you. Don't expect her to be the man.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Fanning the Flames of your Passion Posted: 11/24/2009 9:54:22 AM
Well, I can tell you what my number-one passion killer is: a guy using tricks to "fan the flames." That is the anti-passion. Usually the things that make me feel passionate about a man are little things and ways of being that he is not even aware of; these are not tricks to be taught to an old dog. They happen naturally or not at all.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Birthday Present On My B-Day Posted: 11/24/2009 9:46:12 AM
It would be weird and would put her on the spot. Even if she might have wanted to kiss you, your having asked like that would kind of spoil it as a first kiss, which is only good when it is spontaneous and not obligatory.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Opening Car Doors for Dates Posted: 11/24/2009 9:36:16 AM
I guess you mean when you're getting out of the car, not when you getting in. When getting in, opening the door is common courtesy. I wouldn't be interested in a man who did not display common courtesy. When getting out, it is optional, but much appreciated. Never mind what you were taught in the '7os -- it is not demeaning to a woman to open a door for her. And if she's still sitting there after you get out, she is probably expecting you to come around and open the door for her. She might still be struggling with her seat belt, bag, etc. after you have exited the car, leaving plenty of time for you to get around to her side of the car. Why should that be a big deal for you? To me, it's a show of manners and respect.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Looking for Opinions Posted: 11/19/2009 11:38:39 AM
Well, I read your profile, and you seem like a great guy. Good-looking, too. I don't think you're going to have a problem at all.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Looking for Opinions Posted: 11/19/2009 11:21:35 AM
A lot of people your age live with their parents. I wouldn't think it would be a turnoff to most girls, but you do seem very self-conscious about it. Explain briefly, if you feel you must, and don't expect her to be turned off by it. Expect her to accept you and your circumstances. She will, if she is worthwhile.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 53 (view)

just to gather opinions,would you date a guy who said this? Posted: 11/18/2009 2:02:19 PM
No, I wouldn't. Doesn't mean you couldn't possibly be friends, but take care with your heart...

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

Why do men seem distant? Posted: 11/18/2009 9:58:04 AM
This isn't at all meant to lay the blame on you; it's only a question because examining your own role (if any) in what goes wrong is always the best place to start looking for answers: Do you think you began to behave any differently -- even if the change was something that seemed positive to you -- after the beginning of the "relationships"? It could be some very innocent and subtle (to you) change in how you related to them. Maybe a new set of expectations?

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

I am breaking up with BF Today! Had ENOUGH Posted: 11/18/2009 9:07:11 AM
The "walking on eggshells" part is bad enough. And if he refuses to communicate, there is no way for you to work it out. What are you supposed to do? If he won't communicate, it would be up to you to be okay with the situation the way it is. Don't think you can do that, can you?

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

The other side of WTF was he thinking? Posted: 11/16/2009 1:18:44 PM
This is exactly the sort of response I expected...reading comprehension is a WONDERFUL thing...and you know what they say happens when you a s s u m e? She TOLD me, in an email that she was MAD at me for EXACTLY this reason...she said that it "hurt" her that I did not make a move. Duh. Sounds like she was not "not into me." Here is what also happens to men: we say things like my OP, and some woman comes along and skims it in a shuddering fury and then pounds off some vitriolic response like yours. Wow! That was nasty! Reading comprehension? Newberrys responded reasonably to the insufficient information YOU provided. In posts subsequent to the OP, you reveal yourself as a bitter woman-hater. And I agree with Artemis.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

How do you seem not desperate when you truly are? Posted: 11/16/2009 11:08:12 AM
If you have some female friends to go out with -- even if they are "just friends" friends -- that can help all by itself. I assume you're not talking about being desperate for sex, but for something beyond that. For me, having male friends who cared about me made all the difference in not needing to rush into something that wasn't quite right for me. I had no desperation, even though I had a strong desire for a relationship that went beyond friendship, because I knew there were men who loved me and I wasn't going to be alone and waiting for someone to enter my life. Those friends sustained me, and I am thankful for them.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

what do you consider boring a boring guy? Posted: 11/16/2009 10:18:46 AM
A guy is boring who talks only about himself. And there must be a conversational give-and-take of thoughts, ideas, humor, etc., more than a recital of your various interests. It is the quality of the interaction that keeps things from getting dull.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

How do you seem not desperate when you truly are? Posted: 11/16/2009 10:10:01 AM
People can smell desperation; you can't act it away. The only way not to SEEM desperate is not to BE desperate.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Creepy Posted: 11/6/2009 10:27:40 AM
"Should we go in?" sounds like a completely innocent question. It's like saying, "Let's go inside," except phrased as a question. I think your reaction to the question (being "incredulous" and "very turned off by his comment") was probably obvious, and he probably didn't understand the attitude, and I can see how he might not have felt well.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 46 (view)

What man or band is the Godfather of Heavy Metal? Let the debate begin! Posted: 11/6/2009 10:09:04 AM
The term "heavy metal" in music first came from the Steppenwolf song "Born to Be Wild," which was written by Mars Bonfire (who was not in the band). I think it was 1968. I like smoke and lightning Heavy metal thunder Racin' with the wind And the feelin' that I'm under Yeah Darlin' go make it happen Take the world in a love embrace Fire all of your guns at once And explode into space....

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Was I wrong ?? Posted: 11/5/2009 1:03:52 PM
I just needed him to hear me, ya know ?? When you need somebody to hear you, you speak the truth calmly, in a way that they can listen, instead of defend. I think you wanted that one last fight -- the fantasy one in which you tell him about everything he does that you don't like, and he sees the light, begs you to change your mind, and promises to change. But that didn't work out the way you wanted it to. That sort of behavior doesn't work, and I hope you will at least learn that lesson. So he's gone. Doesn't sound like much of a loss. But there's still the problem of his "stuff." Pack it all up so he can just get it and go. Leave him another message, or have his mom tell him, that he has to have it out of there within, say, 48 hours. I don't know what the law is, but you might be liable if you just toss it out without reasonable notice.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

Have you ever fallen in love with a sociopath?? Posted: 11/5/2009 9:44:55 AM
Yes -- I adore Dexter! But seriously. Read "The Psychopath Next Door" by Martha Stout.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

I don't get it ! Posted: 11/3/2009 11:14:01 AM
Sincere compliments are good. But he "couldn't keep his hands or tongue off her"? The first time they met? It probably felt like a cloud of flies in her face. I wouldn't go out with that again either.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Should I be worried? Posted: 11/2/2009 12:59:39 PM
I don't understand why you would be interested at all. I guess it wouldn't hurt to call him if you want to for some reason -- just to get a feel for what he's like. But I would beware of going to meet somebody who couldn't or wouldn't answer a couple of simple questions about himself via email. It doesn't feel quite right, does it? Pay attention to that.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Best friend was hitting on your spouse. What would you do? Posted: 10/28/2009 10:49:46 AM
The only reason I could possibly think of for someone not telling would be to preserve their SO's opinion of his friend and not alter their relationship. Also, I would feel as though I were somewhat complicit if I were to withhold the information. It would be lying by omission.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Best friend was hitting on your spouse. What would you do? Posted: 10/28/2009 10:16:34 AM
Yes, I would tell him.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

Caught between that rock and hard place Posted: 10/27/2009 10:04:36 AM
You don't seem to be in love with her -- just going along with the relationship because that's where she is taking you. She knew of your plan from the get-go, and you need to remind her of that. Don't let her continue with the "porch swing" talk. If you don't address it when she drops those hints, she might assume you are agreeing to her scenario. I imagine you will quietly resent her if you let her talk you into not going. Sometimes you have to tend to yourself. This is one of those times.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 69 (view)

No orgasm: dealbreaker? Posted: 10/27/2009 9:38:55 AM
Would it be a legit excuse to end it, especially if there were other problems in the relationship? Or would that be a petty reason to dump someone? Why would you need an excuse? Sounds like you want to dump someone and give him a good reason for it, and the most plausible reason you can come up with is lack of orgasm. If you have no commitment, you can say Goodbye for any reason or no reason.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Marriage to do it or not to do it Posted: 10/23/2009 11:39:56 AM
If I were going to get married, I would prefer to elope. Run off to Las Vegas with a witness or two, maybe, or just go down to City Hall. Big weddings do not appeal to me at all. If marriage is just a "piece of paper," why not do it?

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

would you date a guy who doesn't believe in education-content with his job Posted: 10/23/2009 11:27:07 AM
doesn't believe in education or going back to school for a college or any schoolling Just because he doesn't believe in it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 132 (view)

Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy Posted: 10/23/2009 9:53:32 AM
aaamm -- Apparently you misunderstood the quote.

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 128 (view)

Any Virgins or those practicing Celibacy Posted: 10/23/2009 9:28:31 AM
"Great sex is God telling you that Religion was wrong." ~ John Fugelsang

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

I need some help women I welcome your comments. Posted: 10/20/2009 10:31:46 AM
See this: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33164 From The Onion. "I Didn't Mean to Lead You On by ****ing You."

VicShe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 1413 (view)

What do you think of a peron committing suicide over a broken heart?? Posted: 10/19/2009 3:00:29 PM
I desire to belong with and matter to someone, yet I am unwanted ... by the person you want to be wanted by. I desire to love, yet it could not be returned or shared ... by the person you desire to be loved by. Takes a load of hubris to consider death preferable to the acceptance of love, or the intention of love, or the possibility of love we are offered but deem substandard. What a horrendous smack in the face to those whose proffered love -- the best thing anybody has to give -- is considered so paltry that it is passed over in favor of no love at all, or even in favor of self-induced death. We all refuse love. It's there, it's all around us, available to most. But it's probably not the exact sort of love from the exact sort of person we had hoped to find. That is our fault, our fatal spiritual flaw. If you die unloved, that is the choice you have made. There is no one else to blame.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 60 (view)

Men and needs Posted: 10/16/2009 9:56:26 AM
I think I would change it to "Men need to feel useful." I may not "need" a man to carry that box or open that jar -- but I've never known a man who didn't enjoy opening a jar when one is handed to him. And when they offer to carry something, they really like it when you let them. They feel "needed" and valuable when doing these sorts of things for a woman. If you never let them do these little things (no matter how capable you are of doing them yourself), they seem to be less happy. That's my experience, anyway.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

End of pof \ dating experiences Posted: 10/14/2009 4:31:25 PM
Thanks, Cotter. Good to know if that's the case. But now and then I click on "view" to see more about posters here, and there is no profile visible. I figured that was because their profiles are hidden... but no?

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

End of pof \ dating experiences Posted: 10/14/2009 3:53:26 PM
I sometimes think I'm leaving this site for good, but the forums keep calling me back.... Didn't hide my profile, but I removed all the text except to say that I'm here only for the forums. Since I changed it to that, the messages I have been getting have been different -- and sleazier. Men now seem to assume I'm looking for an affair. They are either married or really young and shirtless. And some are just accusatory. Kinda funny, kinda sad. But occasionally someone from the forums will email me, and I usually enjoy those. That's why I don't hide my profile. I think I couldn't get those emails if my profile was not visible.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 65 (view)

What you bring to the table Posted: 10/12/2009 2:41:11 PM
How do you feel about their generosity with others if they can barely get by? If a man is down to his last ten bucks, and gives five or six of them to someone who needs it more, I have endless respect and love for that man. A spirit of generosity is very important to me. I don't have to eat my whole lunch; I can share it with the guy who sleeps on the steps of the church down the street. Sometimes I can even give it all to him. I think I can only be truly compatible with someone who would do the same. "Me-first" behaviors, and keeping track of who has spent more or less money in a relationship, are absolutely repellent to me.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Smarts - Good, Bad, Turnoff? Posted: 10/8/2009 3:43:42 PM
I have his Concluding Unscientific Postscript to the Philosophical Fragments on my nightstand. Then I guess you're sleeping pretty well....

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Smarts - Good, Bad, Turnoff? Posted: 10/8/2009 3:09:53 PM
No, none of the things you list is a turnoff. You are arrogant, though. And patronizing. You quote a sentence from Kierkegaard and then feel you must explain that sentence. Kierkegaard is a pretty big turnoff. But then, I guess if you agree with Kierkegaard about women, then the girls you would be interested in would require your talking to them as if they were incapable of understanding. You seem quite impressed with yourself.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

On the edge of a deal-breaker. Posted: 10/8/2009 2:36:56 PM
Why don't you just HIRE someone to fulfill all these must-haves of yours? And then get her a leash to keep her in line. Something tells me you are going to end up a very lonely old man....

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

Here's your chance to disect dialogue, what does this mean? Posted: 10/8/2009 1:54:11 PM
In a space of less than two hours, you went from this: so should I hang out a few more times then just say, you know what, I like you as more than a friend, and I want to start treating it as such. ... to this: but I am no longer attracted to her How'd THAT happen?!

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Men & woman of a certain size??? Posted: 10/8/2009 12:06:32 PM
When someone watchs into a room it is not there personality that we are looking at!! I don't think that's necessarily true. If I'm looking at someone walking into a room, I'm getting a sense of a personality or an attitude -- something beyond height, weight, hair color, eye color, etc. It's different on an internet dating site, though. If you are overweight, that is what people will see. The ones who prefer overweight women or to whom it isn't an issue are the ones who might be interested after seeing what you have to say. You're not walking into the room, so they're not noticing if you seem like you're happy, would be fun to be around, etc. Just saying there's a difference between walking into a room and posting a pic and a paragraph on an online dating site. As far as looks not mattering, I think people mean it when they say that. What they do not add is that you have to be attractive to them, whether or not you are great-looking in the usual sense of the word. That really goes without saying. Double standard? Probably just that there are more women who don't mind extra pounds on a man than there are men who don't mind it on a woman.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

How long to keep it in My Pants? Posted: 10/8/2009 9:48:57 AM
Maybe she wasn't expecting to find a penis in there.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 60 (view)

The soft blow off, how do you handle it? Posted: 10/7/2009 10:53:04 AM
Well, Matt, he called her a liar. If someone calls you a liar when you haven't lied, that is extremely offensive. And why on earth would or should she answer that accusation with her phone number or with the assurance that she was interested? She would only have done that if she were either very desperate or willing to enter a relationship with the passive-aggressive, angry sort of person he revealed himself to be. I think she WAS interested, but OP blew it with his assumption and accusation. It doesn't much matter; with his attitude, he would have blown it sooner or later anyway (probably sooner). Someone suggested that maybe her volunteer work is for a rape or suicide hotline or something. That seems plausible, and seems like one good reason among several that she wouldn't want to start phone conversations with him right now. As far as being kept "on the shelf" or on a "back burner," they never met! What entitles him to any priority whatsoever in her life? He wasn't being put on a shelf or on a back burner: he did not yet merit the shelf or burner space! She was merely living her busy life, and here he comes with his expectations and accusations. She owed him nothing. And she twice went out of her way to explain her current situation. She would have liked to have met him -- at a time when she would be less distracted and more able to enjoy talking to him.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 55 (view)

The soft blow off, how do you handle it? Posted: 10/7/2009 10:03:37 AM
“Goodness Jenn, we're all adults here, no need to beat around the bush. Best in your search.” “Goodness Steve, we're not all liars either. I am swamped right now, I'm starting a new business, attending a big event at the end of the month, looking for a job and visiting 2 kids in colleges on opposite ends of the state in between being on call as a volunteer for 12 hour shifts at a time. But yeah, best of luck to you too, your loss, a little patience probably would have paid off in spades. Too bad.” Not sure what to make of that, perhaps she was interested and I should have ‘played’ it differently. Uh, yeah. Her response to your rather offensive accusation reinforces my belief that she was telling the truth in the first email. Had she not been interested and willing to talk to you when she wrote the first one, she would not have taken offense and would not have spent the time writing the second one. She wouldn't have cared that much and would have taken the opportunity as a way out and not responded at all. As for the idea that she would have time for a ten-minute phone call, did you ever consider the possibility that she is clearly under some stress and somewhat overwhelmed and preferred to wait to talk to you at a time when she was more relaxed and maybe would be able to make a plan to meet you? Jeez, people! A more bitter and suspicious bunch of people I have never encountered.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

guy/girls who were cheap on date Posted: 10/6/2009 1:22:14 PM
i knew some girls who expected the guy to pay even after 2nd time i paid for her drink, she still didn't bring out her wallet. This statement shows how cheap YOU are.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 31 (view)

The soft blow off, how do you handle it? Posted: 10/6/2009 12:45:25 PM
"Hi Steve, I don't mind sharing my number and chatting a bit. Unfortunately, I am swamped right now with work, volunteer work and weekend plans through Halloween. Would you mind if I sent it to you at the beginning of November? I'm not trying to hedge, it's just been crazy here and I'm on call alot through the end of the month and my cell is the way they have to contact me." I agree with SnarkMeister. I would not send an email like that to someone I knew I wasn't interested in. I wouldn't be that apologetic or explanatory. I wouldn't ask the question about whether you minded or not. I don't read it as an excuse or a "blow-off." She sounds sincere, and I believe her. But since you are so very willing to assume there is a 99% chance that she isn't being honest, do her a favor and move on. A) No reply at all. (The 'high' road if you will.) B) "Best of luck in your search." (Acknowledging that I know what the real deal is.) C) "Sure, I'll talk to you in November." (Playing the game, and not causing any friction.) A) No reply at all is "the high road"?? B) "Best of luck in your search." Sounds nice and dismissive enough, but you let us in on how distrustful you are: "Acknowledging that I know what the real deal is." Both A) and B) are passive-aggressive. C) This one is the best of your options -- or would be if we didn't know that you are "playing [a] game." If you could do this one and not have it be a "game" -- if you could give this woman the benefit of the doubt -- I'd go with this one. So, instead, why don't you email her and say something like, "Because of my trust issues, I am quite high-maintenance; therefore, I think it is in your best interest not to contact me in November."

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 54 (view)

My crazy friend Posted: 10/5/2009 3:36:14 PM
Recommended reading: The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

False I.D. to Proove We're Younger?? Posted: 10/5/2009 9:46:06 AM
The thing about liars.... Plus, if they won't date you it's because they are not attracted to you. It's not as though they would suddenly be attracted to you if you showed them a fake ID. The number doesn't have much to do with it.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

My crazy friend Posted: 10/2/2009 5:06:49 PM
You didn't say what's creepy about him -- but from what you have said, I would be more scared for the guy and his father than for her.

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

What is going on? Posted: 10/2/2009 4:39:13 PM
You're thinking about showing up unexpected and uninvited? Bad idea!

Vicshe

Joined: 5/18/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Am so confused, we are together but he wont let me in his life.. Posted: 10/2/2009 12:27:39 PM
She did say in a later post that she had been dating him for several months before becoming bf/gf a few weeks ago....

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