Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody? chat & forums.

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Thread: Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody?

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Custodial dads how much money did it cost you to get custody? Posted: 6/14/2006 8:34:47 PM
My brother spent about 50,000

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Strange chocolate chip cookie recipes Posted: 6/8/2006 6:40:25 AM
Please, somebody - MAKE SOME CAROB COOKIES for those of us who can't eat chocolate!

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

I have a question about car seat laws Posted: 6/7/2006 7:19:06 AM
Regarding the stupid laws -many people just don't obey them here in the US- they figure THEY didn't vote them in- and wouldn't have if that piece of s**t legislature had been on the ballot! Sure they get fined, WHEN they get caught, but not everybody gets caught. There will always be what I call-"Safety laws" Car seats, bike helmets, etc. Those are intended to make you think the government is looking out for YOUR family's best interest. Yeah , right. Granted, the specs on today's cars mean that crash safety has to be at an optimum, but people will always be in unsafe environments-the political one being the worst!

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Single mom of 2 Posted: 6/7/2006 7:03:22 AM
It amazes me how little care new moms think a newborn meeds. That she gave you twin newborns, with you already having two babies to care for-to me is just amazing.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 135 (view)

Single moms. Can they have any fun? Posted: 6/7/2006 6:56:40 AM
cpupro- in mycase you are right

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 536 (view)

do men actually exist that date women with kids?? Posted: 6/7/2006 6:51:13 AM
I haven't seem any lately

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Health nuts that smoke Posted: 6/7/2006 6:48:51 AM
Some can't quit ,so they have an occaisional smke for a treat

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 69 (view)

should kids stay in thier rooms?? Posted: 6/7/2006 6:43:28 AM
alura, it is really hard when you don't have a yard. Room is OK

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Wrong ways to raise a kid Posted: 6/6/2006 7:10:09 PM
Wrong it's about praising moms who do better than I did when I had a job.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Am I robbing them of anything? Posted: 6/6/2006 6:52:04 PM
oops, I didn't see my first post on here so I repeated myself to make sure.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Am I robbing them of anything? Posted: 6/6/2006 6:50:41 PM
Gph, I 'd love for my son to meet someone like you, responaible, caring, and fun-loving! too few of his girlfriends meet that description!

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Wrong ways to raise a kid Posted: 6/6/2006 6:21:46 PM
Hahaha , italllmomma! it's just too funny kids being neglected! Nuf said on that! And if your ex refuses to pay support, and is still living in a dwelling place and eating food, and wearing clothes, I suggest you do what I did and get yourself a real good lawyer who can cure him of his selfish habits!

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Am I robbing them of anything? Posted: 6/6/2006 5:53:40 PM
Great purple hairstreak, you are so young to be talking about getting "firsts" ahead of young guys who don't have kids! I would love for my son (who has no kids- well possibly one-but he was adopted by the girl's husband, soon after he was born) ti meet someone like you! you are into healthy fun, which is more than a lot of girls he dates are. ( saw that in your posts about what you do for fun with your kids)

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

Wrong ways to raise a kid Posted: 6/5/2006 11:08:40 AM
Delytful, what were some of the stories you told your kids? mine were that he was "working " (24/7!) but I never put him down. From what other parents have posted that seems to be a bad Idea.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Wrong ways to raise a kid Posted: 6/5/2006 7:19:41 AM
melissa, my kids are in their teens and older-my two oldest, basically, without my helping them with a lot of their emotional needs. So we are not as close as my two youngest. Chrysler, I feel if the shoe fits, wear it. Lostforlove74, Thank you so much! It is much easier to overlook a younger child's needs than it is a mouthy teenager's, but payback, as they say is a ****!

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

Wrong ways to raise a kid Posted: 6/3/2006 5:49:52 AM
Right now my problem is trying to find ways I can be a part of my kids lives. Gone are the days where could soothe their emotions with hugs or ice cream. They have heavier issues now that are very hard to listen to, never mind try to fix or give advice on. Despite my best efforts,(see above), ALL of them have many good friends. It seems like now, though, I even have to help out their friends with some problems. Many of them show up at my door even when the kids aren't home with some desperate need - because of something going on at their home. I help them if I'm able, but mostly I wind up giving their parents a good talking to - which doesn't put me in good with MY kids. To illustrate why I do this - some of the kids who come to me are locked out, or their parents are high, or they are just getting beaten a lot. Two little girls who came a lot were getting molested. I did not know that at the time, until I went to their house and confronted their mother about why they were always coming to me. Then there are the friends who take MY kids away. These friends' parents have more money than i do, and my kids usually do things I cannot afford to do with these friends. Those kids get bored when they visit my kids at our home, because they are used to having more than we have. In the past, whenever I had to reciprocate taking care of their friends, I usually took them and my kids out for a day trip. But it seems more and more, the kids are getting bored with that , too, especially now that my health is not as good as it used to be. Basically, I help them get their school, and/or work schedules together, help them figure out money, how to deal with Dad, etc. . It would be great, though if we had some activity that everyone likes to do at the same time.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Wrong ways to raise a kid Posted: 6/2/2006 1:48:57 PM
Packagedeal, Iam working for a non-profit agency that helps women handle their finances better and start their own businesses if they so desire. I would be very interested to know how your business got started. Did you have help financing it? Was /is your partner supportive of you in your effort? My ex is in trucking and heavy equipment. It was not something I could help him very much with. I am taking classes for medical transription, now, but that was not an option years agoe, when my kids were small. Because of all the turmoil at home. Carol, I'm glad you have your head on straight about your ex. At the time I was with mine, I totally thought the money was worth the aggravation.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Wrong ways to raise a kid Posted: 6/2/2006 11:13:02 AM
Carol, maybe you are right about this thread being directed at working mothers -meaning those who work a job outside the home. I did it and I know I could have done better. I feel verystrongly that if my priorities were more in order, I would have been a better mom while working at my job. i made very bad mistakes, yes I can relate to the one about where your daughter slept , too. The worst days were the ones where I would get a call to leave my job and go home to tend to a sick kid. I think it is hard enough when a person has one kid, my kids often followed suit with the sick child, either on purpose or coincidence. I remember working a second shift for one year, where for the whole school year. my son and I only saw each other in the morning before he went to school, and on vacations. Why did I do second shift? Because the asole I lived with said he wassn't paying for daycare. He was making enough money for ALL of us. But I had to"pull my weight". Working at home with my children wasn't enough. Even though he did not spend ANY of HIS free time with us . he was just there to eat sleep, and do business out of our home. then he was away more and more as I had more and more kids. He said he would provide for all of us, as long as I worked at a job, too. He told me he wanted a large family. So what he couldn't marry me =he said - I'll always take care of you. The only breaks I got from my job were maternity leaves. At first he would be all happy, then go into the mode of why am I "laying around the house all the time?" when the baby was only afew months old. I've got to say , he was always kind to the kids, giving them stuff, whatever they needed personally. But he was terrible as a babysitter, because he was always forgetting to do something important. I am glad now that my kids are older, he has to deal with them on THEIR terms. I don't have issues with them about responsibility as much now either. But I feel that there are too many parents who are like I was , when my kids were young. If they see themselves doing some of the things I did , they need to stop and realize how it willl affect their children. Society is not going to blame them for picking out a kids movie,because it is nice and long , like I used to do. Or a video game. or a computer program, or other electronic babysitter. No one is going to yank them aside when they are doing the type of 'recreation activities' that I used to do, and whisper in their ear- "What are you really going to accomplish by trying to cram as many activities as you can into this one day/afternoon/evening?" I do not belong to a club called "Moms who don't ever work for someone else". I wouldn't have been made a member based on my past history of working for someone else. Also, I still work for someone else, even though I don't get paid for it. I DO stay at home a lot - not because I am a single parent, but because of my poor health. It limits me in many ways from leaving my home for too long. But I don't belong to a club called "STAY AT HOME MOTHERS", either, because for various reasons I DO have to leave my home either for my own purposes, or to benefit someone else. Now I am due to get more child support. Does this mean I will stop volunteering? No. Does it mean I will "Stay at home" , more? If my kids were younger, you bet I would say hell yes! For too long, I bought into what my now ex was telling me - that I was a worthless piece of st if I didn't "get off my a and get a job." And God knows, I felt so much more appreciated OUTSIDE my home, at my job, where there were things like promotions for a job well done, pay raises, paid leaves, medical benefits and life insurance and coworkers who were much friendlier than the grumpy people I saw at home, who would be demanding something the minute I walked through the door. You know what I liked best? When I could ACTUALLY call in sick. Couldn't do that at home. I felt so special when I'd come back to work and someone would ask-"So are you all better?" No one gave a st at home. But at this point in my life, I will only stay home as long as I am sick. Whether anyone gives a s**t or not. And I will get the child support which is due to me at the same time.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Wrong ways to raise a kid Posted: 6/2/2006 7:01:21 AM
WHEN I WAS WORKING, (I write this because I know there is gonna be some comments about that), I goofed up plenty trying to raise my kids. Now that I am older, and my kids are older, and I have the benefit of hind sight, I would like to post the mistakes I made, because I wonder if anyone else has made these or similar types of mistakes. I used to look for videos for the kids by how much time they ran My favorite saying was, "WHEN we get some money, we'll do that." (Guess what? When we did have money, we didn't do it because I never wanted to take the time to do it.)-I can think of at least one thing -camping, that I never did. I used to buy all kinds of st for things I could do with my kids-LATER- that we never , ever used. -but it made me feel like a better parent just for buying it! Now I'm stuck trying to get rid of it at this late date. When we went to church, I never felt like I fit in. A single parent, kids, working, somehow I had a feeling that my life was supposed to be a struggle and I did not relate well to the message. I guess I felt I was a victim and not someone who had any control over my life. My children, of course, picked up on my lack of interest. Plus the churches I went to did nothing in the way of encouraging single moms to join. No outreach, and they seemed to give me the impression that spiritually I was not a good example for my kids. I guess that had more to do with me being single. Anyway, I felt bad enough about being single without being torn down by the shurch. I did not encourage the kids to have friends. Maybe it was because all my time was spent runnign around doing things for them, plus working for someone else, with not enough time for me to make friends, or maybe because my lack of social time made me want to spend the few hours each week, with them ONLY. Without friends around, to distract me from the activities I palnnned for the kids, I felt I was devoting more time instilling my values and helping them learn skills better. HAH! Activities. That word had all kinds of meanings for me. Usually, in my brain, we were all at the park, or beach, eating a carefully prepared picnic meal, playing ball, flying kites, etc. etc. -in reality it was-if we even made it there, hastily thrown together peanut butter sandwiches and a jug of koolaid. No one ever WANTED to go because of all the screaming that had to be done before we went. No one was enticed by the 'meal". If we did go to any park or attraction, or event , When we DID get there, I felt like I had a mission to accomplish in a set amount of time. EVERY aspect of our 'excursion ', was rushed. For them this usually meant sitting back, and letting mom control and handle everything. That is something I now have good reason to regret. *Lastly, but by no means really alll of what I could say , I treated way too many things like they were disposable. And could be replaced. If I just have enough money. The things I did not have enough money to replace, I stressed WAY too much over. I did not let the kids touch those things, even if they could have learned alot by using or taking care of those things. So they didn't learn how to do a load of laundry, because they might break the machine, they didn't learn to cook a meal because they might burn something, they didn't learn to do a lot of things. It was so much easier, (I thought ) to do them myself. It saved time( I thought) by me doing it quicker and more efficiently and most importantly THE RIGHT WAY, by myself. AND when my kids got old enough to work at a job, they found they could go a long time without doing these things - as long as they made enough money. Someone else would do it for them - if they made enough money. It took a long time -way too long for them to learn self -care and responsibility for their things - after all everything is disposable . All you have to do is make more money to replace it! If I had it to do over again, I would have let a lot more things slide, I would have thought a lot less of what other people thought of my housekeeping, and more about what my kids were learning.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

I need some advice... Posted: 5/23/2006 6:22:20 AM
My kids dad told me to get an abortion for one of my kids. The true test is- is he willing to pay for it? He wasn't. that told me -although he couldwell afford it(what deadbeat can't!) that he was worried about HIS soul being in jeopardy! So I told him to go f**k himself and had her anyway. She is the most hard-working, dependable, all-around great kid I could ever imagine myself having! She helps me out like my right arm. You never know what kind of person you are carrying. They just might save your life one day. Word.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

HELP!!!!!! My son won't eat!!!! Posted: 5/23/2006 6:07:58 AM
Sometimes a good look at how you and your SO behave at the table is needed. Like does you or your SO talk about problems at the table? does one of you get up from the table a lot? If that is not the case, something else may be bothering him. Have a good long heart to heart. If neither of these bring results, you may just be spoiling him by giving him by giving him too many selections. As a mother of older kids, I can tell you that now is the time to fix this problem.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 117 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/15/2006 12:08:48 PM
GREAT PURPLE HAIRSTREAK, I am printing out all these comments for the agency I volunteer for. There are beautiful examples of how the prejudice and arrogance single mothers everywhaere face if (GOD Forbid!) They raised their children without the ASSISTANCE of daycare and placed a higher value on making a home for their children above a job. So, if you happen to be a female single parent, whose ex pays off the national debt in income taxes, or if you are a female single parent who runs a business out of her home-(LIKE DAYCARE!) or if your new boyfriend loves your ass so much, he lets you stay at home while he supports you and the deadbeat's kids, PLEEEEEZ don't post here. Some one who knows much more than you will set you straight about where your (NOT the OTHER singel parent in your life's )priorities should be. You'll be told in short order - 1. GET OFF YOUR FREAKIN' ASS! 2. IT IS YOUR SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY TO SEND YOUR KIDS TO DAYCARE! 3. YOUR KIDS WILL EITHER : a. GROW UP TO BE HERMITS IF YOU DON'T b. DO LOUSY IN SCHOOL IF YOU DON'T c. BOTH GREAT PURPLE HAIRSTREAK- You've heard the saying about the dead horse. This post is a dead horse. Sorry it took me so long to write this. I was busy finding myself a good lawyer. See you in the funny papers, melissa!

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 93 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/10/2006 6:14:22 AM
Carol, you talk about abusing welfare. What could be worse than an absent parent using welfare to raise his or her child? Yet, as in your case, that is exactly what is happening, (i. e. medical through the state) Yes, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about! You pay a "discounted rate " only because the state is subsidizing the rest. Period. And at the end of the year, you'll probably get it back in your income tax refund if you claim those expenses. Because you are a single parent head of household. In my case, where I get welfare, the reason I don't feel guilty about it has nothing to do with my health problems. I was brought up to take whatever knocks I got in life. I take welfare not for me, but for my kids. The system we live under, you and I, forces us to provide medical for our children or risk having them taken away. Taken away to a foster home, where the state will not only AUTOMATICALLY provide medical for them, but pay someone to take care of them. Plus food stamps. There is good money in foster care. There is a lot of money to be made on children who are taken away from their parents by instituions who take them in too. Way more money than a parent who takes welfare for their child gets. So you see, by you accepting state-subsidized medical, you are saving the state a lot of money. If you ever get too proud to accept it you will be costing ALL taxpayers more money if your kids get taken away. Let's say you have a pretty good job with no benefits. Let's say that if you paid full price for medical coverage, you might not be able to pay the rent. or your utilities. Or buy gas for your car. All things you need in order to keep your job. Now, it's the end of the summer, and Johnny has to go back to school. What! you didn't get him his yearly physical? And guess what ? he needs a few immunizations , too! HMMM. What do you think the outcome of that would be? AND that's assuming that he didn't get sick all year. Homeschooling, an option that saves your state thousands of dollars a year is not an option for you- you have a job! I was in exactly this position once. I had a job with great benefits. I didn't even need referrals for specialists! Then I lost my job. My primary care provider told me, in no uncertain terms, that if I did not go to welfare and apply for medical that they would consider my lack of getting physicals and shots as abuse and they would take it up with the Child Abuse Srevices. yeah, I was proud, too. Lucky, for me I was also no dummy in school. I soon got to see where the majority of my tax dollars went. Every time I tried to get a reexamination of my child support, it was thrown out of court. sometimes I'd actually get a hearing, only to wait all day and be told he didn't show up. No penalty for it either! After all, it's not like he was BEHIND with the state! It's funny how once he even won the lottery-bragged to me about it-$15,000.00. Yet he didn't owe welfare a penny! When I go to reapply every six months, I am asked if I have more than $100.00 in cash. They even threatened to cut me off because my checking account has a $1,500.00 overdraft limit! You and other parents who go to work at regular jobs, as opposed to say, part-time workers, self-employed people, etc., DO have to work hard to make a paycheck happen. But the majority of single parents, even ones getting pretty decent child support, live paycheck to paycheck. If one of these people,like yourself , loses their job, there is often nothing to fall back on, and nothing to show for working so hard. Somewhere in the back of your and millions of people like you's minds, you are GLAD to know that there is a system which will help you keep your family together if you are broke. You say, like many others , how you would NEVER take welfare. It's what keeps you going, I guess. But it's a lie, isn't it? You already take funds from the state by accepting state subsidized medical. melissamelissa also too proud to take government money "only takes what she needs"! Who is in denial here? melissamelissa tells me to "look at the broader picture". I see that picture with you and her in it! So somebody takes a little more than you, somebody takes a little less. Big deal. It is all done by very stringent and harsh methods that ANYBODY gets even a dime out of the state in the form of welfare. Unless, of course you choose to abandon your partner and your kids and live a carefree life- working at a job, not working at a job, working for yourself, working for your latest hottie, DOING WHATEVER THE F**K you please, without a care in the world. Then, the government REWARDS you by not only helping keep those pesky kids away, who would ruin your new relationship, if you have one, but limits your responsibility toward them. WHO'S SUCKING OFF WELFARE HERE? Who's a burden to society, here? You and melissamelissa don't inspire me to try to get a job. You make me even MORE mad I have to take welfare! Another thing. Social Security is just another form of welfare. I am trying my utmost to stay off the system period. That does not mean I'm going to run out and work for someone else. You and melissamelissa are good examples of failures to get off the system. I don't think I need any better ones.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/9/2006 7:44:36 AM
"child abuse" can only take place if children are first - being used. Being used for what? The worst cases of where children were first USED - as means of getting money out of society, was in institutions. Not ALL institutions have such bad history, or such a history of sucking off the taxpayer's money. I volunteer for one of them. nother thing, I'm not your sweetheart, and YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE A VESTED INTEREST IN KEEPING THE STAUS QUO. Look those terms up when you're in college. (it'll help you with your "fundraising" not consciousness raising plans.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/8/2006 1:21:08 PM
Yes those gaps between jobs are hard to explain. That's why I do volunteer work. It is great training, the hours are flexible, a lot of places don'tmind if you bring your child, (depending where you do it), and it looks good on a resume. My forte seems to be fundraising, and I can do it from home.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 85 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/7/2006 11:27:46 AM
I'll be 50 this year. When I was growing up, in the 60's and 70's the phrase "child abuse" had not been invented. No one had evr heard of credit cards. my mother and father lived within their means because they had no choice. People who could not live within their means usually had their children taken away. Oh, times have changed haven't they? Only back then, they children were not labelled as 'abused' and the parents werenot labelled as 'abusers'. They were labelled 'poor'. Being a poor parent means something else entirely today. That term however, is not used in the same phrase with say-'poor deadbeat parent'. No, that term is used to rate the skills of the parent actually DOING the parenting. maybe it is not used for deadbeat parents because the deadbeats ARE NOT POOR, in comparison to their family-raising counterparts. financially, that is.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 84 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/7/2006 8:24:28 AM
The whole financial responsibility part of putting one's home/children/self AHEAD pf the corporate world seems to piss so many people off, when WOMEN DO IT. How many profiles say"I put my kids first!" like that is not always true for a parent! How many people show their kids in their profile pix, like someone reading theri profile wouldn't understand the part-HAVE KIDS?-YES. I think some people like to show their kids because they are proud of the way they rasied them. some profile pix JUST show the kids! I raised my own kids _yes melissamelissa, this thread IS about KIDS! By breastfeeding all of them first. I was not able to stay home with all of them as long as I wanted to. Dad was a jerk, and I had to work within two and three months of having them . But I am SOO GLAD I did manage to breastfeed them. I since learned , even a little breastmilk makes a helthier baby/child/teen /adult. Yes, that is how long the effects of breastfeeding last. Even if a mother only breastfeeds while she is in the hospital her milk will have an effect on the child's long term health. Now that my klids are intheir teens, and I don't have to worry about their basic needs so much, I try to help them manage their schedules as much as I can, between their jobs,school/friends/housework. All of them do some kind of job, my youngest babysits for two people, my second to youngest helps his father at work, the other two have jobs with a regular paycheck. the more time I spend with them, the more I see that they can do a lot if they have good direction.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 83 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/7/2006 7:43:27 AM
sOMEHOW IN your case, IDON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING, NOT EVEN IN142 YEARS.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 82 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/7/2006 7:40:46 AM
You are so right , MELISSAMELISSA. Like when I took advantage of welfare medical. Like YOU. No one cared that I NEEDED it. It only matters that YOU try to get ALL parties RESPONSIBLE FOR PAYING the state back ACCOUNTABLE FOR THEIR, NOT JUST YOUR DEBT!

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 80 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/6/2006 5:30:36 AM
Where I wrote "abused kids" I meant people (who were in their forties and fifties when I met them, who ere ABUSED as kids.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 79 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/6/2006 5:01:34 AM
MELISSAMELISSA, i have one last thing to say regarding income. I started this thread because right now, I am fundraising for an agency which supports women who want to start their own businesses. Mostly poor women . The agency has helped many women start up their own businesses, some of these businesses from their homes, go on to college, get a better job,OR JUST MANAGE THEIR FINANCES SO THEY COULD MAKE A BETTER HOME FOR THEMSELVES AND THEIR KIDS. In my spare time from writing for the agency, I also write protest letters to various government agencies about everything from the high price of fuel, to promote programs which better public schools. I am not proud that I have to accept welfare. But I don't feel guilty. Your "tax dollars" as you put it, largely go to support corpoate welfare, line politicians pockets, and pay for the bloated medical industry. yes, what's left over goes to people LIKE YOU AND ME, who get what we "need". But going back to why I started this thread. Women traditionally are used to putting their needs second to their family's needs, their partner's needs. Some of them get out into the job world and put the needs of the corporation above those of their family. You work with a needy clientele, melissammelissa. it must be hard for you sometimes to balance family and your job, when you are so needed by those whose needs your agency provides for. But I can't help but think , you'd have less work to do and the the agency ,too, if BOTH parents were held more accountable for their children. By you and the others on this thread harping on only on parent ,and even more pointedly ONLY the female parent, who takes welfare, you are just promoting UNACCOUNTABILITY for those who should be MOST accountable. I worked with abused kids, too. Only they were in an instituion for the mentally retarded. Years ago, some had come there not because they were retarded ,but because back then it was a bad thing for a WOMAN to have a child out of wedlock. They were dROpped off , never to see their mother again. No horror moice could describe the abuses these poor kids went through, while the institution made varioues changes from orphanage to mental institution. They went through evrything from experiments done on them to benig taken care of by PRISONERS. I took care of the ones who had survived. So go ahead promote your agenda to rid the world of those of us getting rich off welfare. Only the children will suffer in the end. Oh, wait, if they didn't YOU'D be out aof a job!

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 78 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/5/2006 4:30:53 PM
victornrth, You are so right! volunteer work is great training. So are internships (usually if you complete acourse), apprenticeships, and distance learning. i uset to volunteer to write grants for the local senior center. My typing sucks but my propasals got the agency netted the agency $500,000.00 in grant money. the acronym for Stay At Home Parents is SAHPs. Not nice. I would bet that's what the absent parents think! I prefer MAHPs or MAHMs or hehehe MAHDs. At any rate there are a lot of ways to upgrade your skills.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 77 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/5/2006 4:20:09 PM
SAHM old , SAHM old S***!

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/5/2006 3:00:05 PM
GPH, you are way cool. I bet you are a great Mom. Let's just not hit every ball that comes our way, there are none of them directed at the people who deserve it most, deadbeat/absent PARENTS. I guess they forgot there IS ANOTHER PARTY responsible, for keeping the other parent from using government funds, as WELL AS their own selves. La de dah, it's so much easier to wing one at the person who doesn't move around so fast. The attackers don't even have an acronym for STAY AT HOME DADS! that's how narrow -minded and prejudiced they are! What would THAT ACRONYM BE? SAHD? SAD? Oh, poor Dad! I'm so happy for their responses! it shows very clearly what type of prejudice is directed toward Make a Home Mothers! (MAHM) YES ma'am!

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/4/2006 7:07:15 PM
They is such a handy word.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/4/2006 1:10:09 PM
Yes, GPH, that's my definition of quality time ,too. But you know some parents 9I think especially non-custodial ones, ) try to jam a bunch of activities for both of them (parent and child) to do in a short space of time and call it "quality time" . It seems like "rush hour " to me instead. AND YES, FOR THE RECORD , i VE BEEN ONE OF THOSE PARENTS WHO RUSHED AROUND LIKE A MADWOMAN, TRYING TO GIVE MY KIDS A PERFECT DAY ON ONE OF MY TWO DAYS OFF! For me, I guess my planning was lousy or maybe I was overtired, or something, because those days were not even GOOD DAYS .

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/4/2006 6:29:24 AM
tHANK YOU VICTORNRTH FOR THOSE WORDS! I am trying to get finacial solvency , too by taking classes so I can work out of my home. Mychosen field is medical transcription. I can take the classes online. (yes one of them is keyboarding!) Aguy from POF actually showed me how to do this and HIS job is maintaining the computers the transcriptionists use! I used to be a phlebotomist, but since my accident have trouble doing that now. When I was working, I never liked leaving my kids at home alone or in daycare. But I never for one minute thought my absence could be solved with "quality time". Kids need time, period. Eveyday ,now that I am home, I spend time teaching them some new thing they can do for themselves , even if it is just picking up a sock. I give a lot of credit to women who spend time raising their kids to be rsponsible people, however much time they DO have to spend with the child. If I was to have a definition of what wouldbe time well spent in my household it would be the yelling I did for a half an hour to impress upon one of my teens the value of doing something that will benefit them or the family as a whole. I'm afraid the term "quality time",,these days usually means something a parent does with his/her kid because they feel guilty about not spending enough time with the kid.

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/4/2006 5:04:26 AM
The above was for MELISSSA MELISSA

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/4/2006 4:55:55 AM
Round 2 the topic of this thread was never about income. Health insurance costs 500 amont and up last ime I heard -but that doesn't mean the state spends money on YOUR family -oh,I forgot, because YOU NEED IT SOMEONE MENTIONDED STATE-SUBSIDIZED DAYCARE -HMMMM -what does a daycare worker get paid? Oh, don't forget the federally subsidzed lunches the children recieve. There are VERY VERY FEW "working"moms who are singel who pay for EVERYTHING ON THEIR OWN-GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE! * your free time would be much better spent criticizing people who, from where I'm standing are A LITTLE WORSE OFF THAN YOU ARE, and BACKING UP YOUR WORDS BY TELLING WELFARE TO STCICK THER MEDICAL- UNTIL YOUR EX- YOU KNOW THE ONE WITH THE"FREE WILL" GETS TO LEARN FROM THE OUCRT SYSTEM THAT NOTHING IS FREE. * OR , you could just swallow your pride, admit you were wrong, and not look down your nose at people who are doing the best they CAN , like you. Yes , you WILL see people SITTING on their asses. They're called deeadbeat parents.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/3/2006 2:44:46 PM
There is a mythical place called Child Supportive Services. it was set up by the government to oversee parental contributions to their respective children. The government , in their wisdom, forces non-custodial parents to pay for daycare, cost of raising the child(ren),and to provide for a medical emergency. (It's called health insurance). Why did you have to go to welfare in your need for medical insurance, melissamelissa? I suspect it was because somebody at Child support wasn't doing their job. I suspect your ex wasn't even ASKED if he could afford health insurance for your mutual kids. Like so many other non-custodial parents. don't give me any crap like "It bogs down the court system" as an answer. The IRS runs Child Support in my state. What they don't know about any of us ! I had a bad accident where I was not expected to live. i went to welfare for myself and my kids. I was turned down , because the year because I owned three cars, one for my teen dauyghter, one for my oldest son, and mine. They were just getting by on minimum pay, and it was cheaper to keep them all under my name. I told welfare, who at that time was paying my medical bill, but not giving any other assistance, to keep their medical, too. I told them that i would seek medical from Child Support. Which I HAD tried to do in the past. At that time, I had a cardiologist, a pulmonologist, and a hematologist treating me. Social Security said I wasn't disabled enough for the reason that I was getting treatment for my condition. (their exact words). i then called Child Support and told them- "My kids have no medical insurance, what are you going to do about it ". I made sure they knew I was recording this message as well as leaving it on their machine. Like magic, a worker at welfare called me to say "didn't I get a memo from her to come and reapply?' Suddenly the three cars were not an issue. Now I have a hearing at Social Security. I still have health problems, but they are getting better. I do not feel guilty for collecting welfare. Social security takes over a year to process a case, what is a person supposed to do? I agree a person should not take money and benefits from the government when they are able to work. I am not able to do the kind of work I did in the past, so I will continue to take welfare, and let the kids dad pay welfare back. he owns two homes, land, a business, and many vehicles, including heavy equipment. NEVER was he forced to pay for medical insurance, but if I start a job that makes barely more than minimum- I will be forced to pay for health insurance. some jobs don't even offer health insurance. You must know what they do to parents (from what you told us about your job) who can't afford to pay for medical care for their child(ren) AND don't want to APPLY for welfare for it. those parents get their kids taken away. don't knock people who get benefits just because you left that boat in the recent past. IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO MAKE A CHILD. why should one of them , like your ex not be accountable , for ALL THE EXPENSES OF RAISING THE CHILD! Why was it only YOU WHO HAD TO APPLY FOR MEDICAL? This business of criticizing the parent who is so obviously busting their butt (or they wouldn't have custody), to raise children, JUST BECAUSE IT IS EASIER TO DO SO, is why this country is full of people who have no sense of responsibility toward their children!

Margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 40 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/3/2006 1:00:43 PM
melissamelissa, you tlak about "need" as if it'sonly OK for YOU to get help. some kids are healthier -thus requiring less medical care, by being taken care of at HOME. I guess your kids are the exception. Your hypocritical statements raise the important issue of WHICH PARENT YOU ARE MOST DIRECTING YOUR INDIGNANT STATEMENTS TOWARD, THE PERSON STAYING AT HOME AND RAISING THE KIDS WITH HELP FROM THE GOVERNMENT , OR THE PARENT WHO CHOOSES TO RUN OFF AND DO THING INSTEAD OF HELPING THE CUSTODIAL PARENT BE FINANCIALLY SOLVENT?

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/3/2006 11:29:57 AM
sounds like another thread- HOW CAN YOU AFFORD TO STAY HOME????? Also sounds like all the other "inquiring minds" (read-busybodies) who are always putting down homemakers for staying home. No one asks YOU, I'm sure , melisamelissa, if their "tax dollars " are beng utilized to pay for , oh let's say, your family's medical insurance, yet few people can afford to pay for medical treatment out of pocket, and very few people start out working with medical benefits included. Good for you if you started at your job, not needing to go get government assistance with medical. There are many parents who don't have this benefit. Also, the non-custodial parent is RARELY quizzed about how many "tax dollars" were spent helping to raise his/her child(ren), in the very many instances where this is exactly the situation. Where did that term "Deadbeat" come from we hear so much about on the single parent threads? I bet if people like you quizzed people like THEM, YOU'D BE TOLD IN VERY SHORT ORDER, "NONE OF YOUR f**KING BUSINESS!" But the people you are directing you question at, don't usually do that , do they ? which is why you feel so superior, and bold as to ask that question. I think you have issues.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Dating a Single Parent who has custody of kids, when you don't Posted: 5/3/2006 10:56:13 AM
I'm really curious. If you are in a position where your kids are all grown or you don't have primary custody, is it more daunting to date a hottie who has YOUNG kids or one with OLDER kids. And for this question , please assume each type has the same number of kids. If kids are not an issue for you at ALL, then please skip this question.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Please Help Me..... Need Advice Posted: 5/3/2006 10:02:04 AM
Being the custodial parent, please don't keep asking your (very) young daughter is whe'd like to see her mom. It sounds too much like- " You DON'T want to see Mommy , so you, sweetie?" "no, Dad, I don't". "DO you want to call her (her first name)? "yes Dad, I guess I do". Don't use the kid to get back at your ex, regardless of who she stays with, or sees. because LATER on , your daughter will not thank you for it.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

A trip through your head (gimme some feedback) Posted: 5/3/2006 9:17:05 AM
cool beginning for a scary book, or a novel about a nasty divorce!

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Horse riding for a little girl? Is 4 Too young? Posted: 5/3/2006 7:35:04 AM
BK2 - I don't shelter my children from sports which may be dangerous. I merely wanted to point out that 4 years old is just a little too young to start. Unless I guess, it's on a small pony, or laid back donkey. They can be spooky ,too. My family used to have one that was just wild. But as a five year old I was put on him.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Kids and church Posted: 5/3/2006 7:24:26 AM
whosyourbadkitty, generalities are dangerous as they apply to types of people. Jefrey Dahmer was someone's neighbor. I'm glad they are teaching Jewish religion in the schools. Jesus was Jewish.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Kids and church Posted: 5/3/2006 7:17:58 AM
Religion may or may not be a farce, but I personally worship a God who discriminates between individuals a little more than the sun - "which shines on the good and the bad, the rich and the poor alike". Also , the germs, snakes, and mosquitoes!

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

Kids and church Posted: 5/2/2006 4:29:31 PM
I used to take my first child to church a lot. (Before the others came along) He absolutely loved it and was popular there, too. I am glad that I did, because even when he does wrong, (he's all grown up, now),he knows he did wrong, and knows he, alone is responsible for his actions.

margoe

Joined: 2/10/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Homemade Kids Posted: 5/2/2006 4:04:56 PM
The word "job" used to mean (back before the industrial age) a lewd or criminal act. It was used first as a degrading term by people who were forced to leave their homes, their farms, which traditionally had been the main source ot the family's sustanance and income, to go to factories and other types of industry to work. What does all this history have to do with jobs today? Back then, it was the norm to work for ONESELF. Even when people DID do work for someone else, it was considered just a step toward working for one's own self. Today many people do not feel their work at home is validated by society as 'work' if it does not bring in an income, even when they do not NEED a second income. If you go to a farm, and you see a guy milking a cow, bringing in the milk to his house to use for his meal and cooking his meal, and you asked him if he is working, do you think he would say, " No, I'm not working." "I'm just fixing a meal." I think ALL homemakers, regardless of IF they are working outside their home.too or not, should recognize that the work they do in theri homes is more important than ANY WORK they do for someone else. (that includes "bad parents" )

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