whats up with the NO DRAMA on profiles chat & forums.

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RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

whats up with the NO DRAMA on profiles Posted: 9/2/2009 10:35:52 AM
You never know what someone is like until you meet them Those were the only words of wisdom in the ops post, the rest is all garbage. Interpretation is unique and personal for every individual. For the OP to say that her interpretation is the only correct one is to say that one religion is the only true one over all the rest. Whether it’s right or wrong it’s going to bring about conflict, anger and more than likely emotional/mental attacks on those who argue how they are right and everybody else is wrong. So if you see someone that has most of the qualities you are looking for except for the “no drama” or “no baggage” disclaimer take the time to talk to them and find out what they mean by it. I can guarantee it doesn’t have the exact same meaning for them as it does you. Forty-Six & 2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Serial monogomist vs never been in a relationship. Posted: 9/1/2009 8:07:51 PM
I really have to agree with Paddy-o-Furniture and Pro-filer. People wonder why they’re single yet they will black ball someone without even getting to know who they are black balling. I consider myself to have never been in a long term relationship. I’ve had a few girl friends, usually lasting a max of 3 months or so. Finding someone to have a relationship with is just not a big priority for me and it never has been. I am none of the “types” that others are so sure I am due to being “unmotivated for a relationship” as if it is something you should be motivated towards or else you are a weirdo. In this world of tweets, faceplaces and mybooks people are trying to make judgments based on 140 characters or less. Take the time to get to know someone, find out why they’ve never been in a relationship or why they have always been in one other than a week or two, maybe you’ll find out you have a lot more in common than you originally thought; you just deal with life differently.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 43 (view)

No Way Out Posted: 7/22/2009 7:23:12 AM
You need out of this relationship. I can understand how you feel trapped you rely on him for your basic needs of food, shelter, and clothing. You are not self sufficient, that is why you are in this mess. I would say for now do nothing. What you need to do is make yourself capable of supporting yourself. The disability is probably the quickest way, but this should only be temporary. One thing I would like to point out is that your panic disorder could have you thinking something is going on when nothing actually is happening between him and his ex’s. Unless you have actual evidence as in you’ve seen them together or seen him leaving their house really late at night or seen them meeting up at hotel somewhere you must entertain the possibility that this could be a product of your disorder. Look for a job if you can work go to school for a year and you can become very self sufficient. You’ve been putting up with the infidelity for 3 years now I think you can put up with it a little while longer. Hell if you can get him to pay for you going back to school, tell him you are bored and want to do something in life. He doesn’t need to know the real reason why you’re going back to school he just has to pay for it. Women’s shelters can be more harmful than the relationship you’re in now, especially for someone with your kind of disorder. Going on welfare is a trap you get enough to barely survive and can’t do the things you need to in order to better yourself. If you have an education already than really talk to your doctor and find a way to be able to handle it enough to function at work, because disability isn’t going to be much. Whatever it is you do the first thing on your list must be putting yourself back in control of your life and that means being able to provide for yourself. Once you can provide for yourself get out of the relationship and don’t look back.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

why do you really think you have to say you dont want a cheater??? Posted: 7/22/2009 3:17:45 AM
People put this on their profile because they are honest and efficient. What they are basically saying is; I’ve been cheated on I won’t cheat because I’ve been cheated on I’ve been hurt by someone I loved I have trust issues As soon as I start liking you, you will automatically be cheating on me and there’s nothing you can say or do to change my mind on that I have unresolved emotional baggage I’m going to be skeptical, always You are guilty until proven innocent, and I won’t let you prove yourself innocent. I’m going to check up on you and the littlest inconsistency means you’re a liar or a cheat I have a jaded preconception of everybody, always Now look at how many words that is. Isn’t it much more efficient to say, “No liars and no cheaters”.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Attracted to the same sex..... Posted: 7/22/2009 2:45:58 AM
I believe there are two types of gay people out there. Those who are truly gay and have known it since the age when we all start to notice our sexuality. Then there are those who, like almost all of us at some point in their lives decide we must have love, and due to past traumatic experiences or some other barrier are unable to find love in the opposite sex. Over a period of time these people will change their thinking towards who they can achieve love with. Some women and men can never trust a man or a woman after abusive relationships, whether it is a romantic relationship or a mentor relationship. The will to find love is probably one of the strongest drives human beings have, if we can no longer trust or be comfortable with the opposite sex, I think, in some way we train ourselves to find attraction where we can trust and be comfortable. Like the study that was quoted in this thread said we are all different degrees of hetero or homo. If someone is strongly heterosexual I don’t think they will ever “train” their mind to find the same sex attractive. However if someone is closer to the middle I think it is quite possible they could change what they like over a period of time. The drive to find love can be a straight road right into the arms of the same sex where they eventually find peace and love. The drive to find love can also have a huge u-turn in it as for some they never are quite comfortable with it and may turn back to the opposite sex. Whichever road someone happens to take one thing is a for sure bet, they will learn a lot about themselves and the journey can sometimes remove the road blocks in our drive to find love, whichever way that road goes. I myself took the u-turn when I was younger. Being in my mid twenties and realizing it had been ten years since the last time I touched a woman in any romantic way, I started to second guess my own sexuality. Loneliness had grown into something that I could no longer bear; it was going to crush me mentally and emotionally. I had a few experiments, but never felt comfortable and was never sexually aroused. Being a guy I found that weird, if the wind changes direction I get a hard on never mind actual stimulation, yet beyond my conscious efforts to “try this out” I had no desire or drive to be with a guy. During the same time period I also began to find women that I felt comfortable enough to be with. These were woman who pretty much anybody would say were gigantic butt ugly gorillas. None of these women are the type that I would be into today and today I like women anywhere from thin to curvy and even a little overweight. Yet despite the lack of physical attraction any physical contact still got the solider standing to attention. This is what told me I wasn’t gay. In my pursuit to have sex for literally the second time in my life I left nothing barred and went for the sure bets. When it was with a guy there was no sexual arousal, but even with the most unattractive women I’ve ever seen it was possible to become sexually aroused. The journey to find love (as I saw it at that time in my life) taught me that orientation wasn’t my problem. My problem was confidence and shyness. Since the day I realized that almost every aspect of my life has changed as I fight even to this day to remove all the sources of low self-esteem and timidity. I don’t regret anything that I did as I learned from it all. And wow is this every going to be personal and vulnerable post if I actually hit the “post” button…… Ah fcuk it.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Can you fall in love over the phone? Posted: 7/16/2009 12:06:00 PM
You can fall in love over the phone, email, and internet. However I think you’re falling in love with an idea in your head not with the actual person. Non direct contact such as phone conversations, emails, letters and instant messaging do not allow you to get a complete picture of the person you are courting. You do get some aspects of the person, but what you cannot get through those mediums your brain (fantasy part) fills in for you. So you could very well feel love for that person, but in most cases it’s going to be love for the person you have created in your head, which is a hybrid of what you have learned and what your brain has invented. For that love to transfer over to reality (I mean that as in physically meeting and going on actual dates, like we did before the interslice.) it will depend on how honest each person was and how much you stopped yourselves from creating fiction where you didn’t have fact. That can be very difficult because we don’t usually realize on a conscious level that we are filling in blanks with what we want to believe about the person. Can you fall in love,, yes you can, will it lead to a loving relationship, maybe, but I think you have a better chance in real life with direct contact.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 161 (view)

Astrology Posted: 7/14/2009 8:38:41 PM
Who the heck has been rubbing my nose with theirs then? Dogs, cats, or my guess, the Inuit

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 159 (view)

Astrology Posted: 7/14/2009 6:20:38 PM
Man this things back again?! This is the one time that I wish it was 400 years ago. All the people who have a belief system involving astrology would be banished to the looney bin! And I for one would see that as a good thing! You can have all the fun you want, but when you take this crap too seriously I really feel sorry for you. You're like the little kid that never group up and refused to realize that magic was fake. Sure sometimes it's romantic to believe in fairy tales, fate and destiny but this is the real world and if you are not a woman who is in control of your own life; in other words if some deck of cards, sign of the zodiac, or writting in a book of spells somewhere decides how you will live your life, than you are not the woman for me, and there are many other people out there that would look at you the same way if they would look at you under that same light. Astrology, Santa Clause, Jesus Christ, Capt N' Crunch and Eskimos are all fairytales, grow up and open your eyes.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 38 (view)

She tells you she's bi-sexual Posted: 7/13/2009 4:09:06 PM
I had a female relative who was married for most of her life. While I’m not privy to all the aspects in an nut shell she divorced for one reason or another and then did the bisexual thing. Now a day’s she’s in a long term relationship with a guy, but also did have a serious relationship with a woman during her gayness. So it could very well be a phase. My relatives phase lasted approximately 4 or 5 years, how long do you want to wait for this woman’s tastes to sour on the taco and go back to solely sausage? I wouldn’t run for the hills if I were you. I would be trying to build a friendship and enjoying some great sex, until I got bored, then I would try to make the move into just friends territory. The two girl one guy threesome is something that every guy should experience at least once if he has the opportunity. I hope you can hear it knocking. That is about all I see you getting out of this relationship, a friend and maybe a threesome with her friend. She’s not at a point in her life where she wants to be monogamous right now and there’s no point in trying to force that. Go along for the ride for as long as the ladies will let you play, but in the end it’s their game. They can and will find another sausage to play with if the tire or find yours comes with too much baggage, such as monogamy. After all , it is their game, not yours.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

what to do when your partner wants you to initiate the conversation Posted: 7/12/2009 3:20:31 PM
I have experienced this same thing my entire life. I’m well spoken and communicate ideas adequately yet I can have trouble initiating or continuing a conversation. After a lot of thought I was terrified that I might be selfish and not give a rat’s ass about other people, and hence this was why I wouldn’t ask the questions needed to initiate or continue a conversation beyond answering the questions or discussing the topic raised by the other person. I believe what is missing in me is the desire to reciprocate the interest and the “want to connect”; that was just shown to me by the other person. I believe that there is an expectation that when two people are conversing that there should be equal amounts of initiating and learning taking place. This means that both parties must have an inquisitive attitude. You must be interested and thinking about what is being said to you and use this to postulate questions to the other person. You must find some way of being genuinely interested in learning about the other person or at least a topic they wish to discuss. Once you are able to set up this mindset the initiation and continuation of a conversation becomes almost natural for those of us who find it very un-natural to spend the majority of time conversing outside our own minds. If you wish to have a decent relationship you either must learn this desire to reciprocate or find someone that is just as quite as you are and finds meaning in other places than just conversation. Hope this helped but it still does not answer the question, are we selfish people that don’t really gives a rat’s ass?

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Is it natural for humans to be monogamous? Posted: 7/10/2009 5:32:52 AM
Most studies show about 50% of men having extramarital affairs and 25% of women. I guess if you’re a pessimist then you shouldn’t ever get married. 50% of men cheat, and I’ve heard that 50% of marriages end in divorce. Those are still pretty good odds. If you had a 50/50 chance at winning the lottery would you play? People who I know are in love and have spent decades are some of the most happy people I know. From the newlyweds to the couple celebrating their 40th anniversary they are experiencing something the rest of us can only dream about. Sounds like a winning the lottery to me. I think one of the biggest reasons so many marriages do end up in divorce is because people don’t take their time. They are terrified of being alone and rush to get “life” started before they’ve made sure the foundation of that life is solid enough to support the marriage they are going to build over the years. Young “Brah” here might have a good idea, approach the opposite sex with the mindset of not ever getting married, that way when it hits you it must be the true one. (no not Neo) Hopefully you still take the time to do it right and have patience and not rush into anything. I bet the odds of divorce skyrocket for those that marry within a year or two of meeting each other instead of taking the time to date and build a relationship over a few or more years.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 48 (view)

Can't he understand, I don't want him anymore. Posted: 7/10/2009 5:22:49 AM
Why is it so hard for a guy to get the picture that he just doesn't do it anymore. Or he has never been doing it all that great from the beginning. How can you tell him to leave w/o coming right out and tell him how you really feel? Because men are not psychic. You quit being a wuss and come out and say it, tactfully and with concern for his feelings of course. Basically all you have to do is tell him it’s not working out, you think he’s a good person but both of you are not right for each other and you no longer want to see him anymore. Done and done, yes it is really that easy, for real people anyways.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

What is your opinion Worth? Posted: 7/10/2009 5:16:13 AM
So many offer opinions here on the forum and I often wonder what value they are putting on their opinion. There is a lot of value in my opinions. I post what I actually believe, even when I feel I’m being humorous or sarcastic that’s still a part of me. Why bother posting something that is a false representation of who you are? I’m not saying I’m always right and I’ve been proven wrong on a few occasions and have fully admitted it. (For example I no longer specifically hate Americans, which was being racist, now I just hate everybody equally). If I see a profile I like and that person posts on the forums I will check out what they have to say. Although I’m not going to make a decision either way as to first contact based on their forum posts, that would be assuming too much about someone. I’m not going to read an entire 10 + pages of a thread to see what context the person was posting in so I’m not even getting the whole side of what they’re saying. I will use it to find some commonalities to explore further with the person through messages and msn. I hope that if someone did email me (not like that is/will happen lol) they would look over some of my forum posts too. If not for any other reason than the ones I have for looking over somebody else’s posts. As for those that “troll” on here I take pity on them. There really is nothing sadder than someone who is so desperate for human contact that they will lash out in a mean and crude way just to get it. I always liken those types of people to the type that sit in their basement debating what would when in a fight, the Death Star or the Enterprise. Sure you may be having fun, but while you’re doing that I’m upstairs getting laid. Who’s living life to its fullest?

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 51 (view)

Confused! What do men really seek? A nice woman that can be wild sexually or just plain wild period? Posted: 7/8/2009 4:03:46 PM
Snoop dogg said it best, A lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. I think men just want to have sex, period. It’s usually the reason they ask the girl out, because she turns him on and he really wants to hit that. This, I believe is the driving force for many men. However men also want companionship. I think, for many men they want the sex first and if in the course of hanging out to get laid they find out the woman is really someone they like they will become interested in a relationship. Once a man moves into relationship territory he doesn’t want you to learn any more about sex from other guys, just him. If the relationship goes well enough for long enough then they will start to think about marriage or at least a long term relationship. There are some men who are still at a stage in their life where they want to hit everything that gives them a woody. The beginning stages of hanging out/dating have different meanings for different people. To some it means you’re only interested in one person at a time, to others it means you’re on a test drive and you may be test driving many other models at the same time. At some point the questions of exclusivity comes up and most men in this “sowing oats” stage of their life will lie if they want to keep hitting that piece of sweet candy. These men are not looking for a relationship and should have the balls to tell a woman, “I love the sex but I don’t want to be exclusive, can we just bang when either of us wants it?” Most men won’t ask this because most women will be insulted, furious and go totally psycho on his ass. I think the woman should recognize the respect the man had in the first place to be up front and honest about his intentions. After all he could have just been a dogg and lead you on, lied and dropped the cliché to get what he’s after. If you’re not the type of woman who is okay with non-exclusive banging than you tell him, “no it’s not cool with me.” Then you part ways amicably and move on. However most men/women don’t do this so they end up in the game whether they are a willing participant or not. Most men will lie and play the game, most women will look the other way and hide from the truth, until it comes to a head and neither can ignore the truth that is staring them in the face. And that is when the shit hits the fan. I"m not saying this is who I am, just how I see it. During my stage of "sowing oats" I approached the multiple partner at the same time game with honesty and being upfront about what I was after.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Never been in a relationship? Posted: 7/8/2009 2:33:53 PM
"Before" is just a waste of time pretending to be committed to each other in a relationship, when everything in your life is changing I think that is a load of b/s. The OP sounds a lot like I was in my early adult years. I didn’t beat the shyness and nervousness until my late 20’s. I always froze up around girls I liked and became extremely quite. As a result while I managed to lose my virginity at 17 I didn’t have sex again, or a relationship until I was 27. I have a huge regret for not overcoming my shyness early in life. I feel like I have missed out on a lot of things that can only happen when you’re at that young age. Like actually thinking you’re in love and believing that other person is too. Whether it is real or not doesn’t matter because for two young teenagers it is real for them and an amazing feeling. I never felt that and I have to realize I never will. OP the only way to overcome the shyness and nervousness around boys is to do it the hard way. You must push yourself to realize they are just “boys” and you’re just a “girl” and that’s all. They are just another human being who is just as nervous as you are but is more than likely dealing with it and overcoming/hiding it better than you are, only because they've had more practice at overcoming it. If you find yourself to be the wallflower (the person hanging back watching the others have fun and interact with the cute boys they like) then you must force yourself forward and go up and talk to that boy you like. You can prepare a little bit, think of things you want to ask him. Talk about him and what he likes and dislikes. You can also talk about other people, it’s not the best thing to do (I hate gossipers) but for some reason it is easier for two people to talk about someone else at first than it is to talk about each other. A little sarcasm and a little flirty humor works too. I urge you to get used to talking to boys, don’t have any expectations when you go up and talk to them, just have the goal of saying ‘Hi” and maybe “what’s up”. If you feel things getting awkward don’t be afraid to say, “You’re pretty cool, I gotta run for a bit but hope to talk to you again”. You’re not going to be a love guru right off the bat so make your goals small at first. Say Hi, then next time try to have a conversations that lasts a few minutes. Each time you achieve one of your little goals make sure the next goal is just a little bit bigger. I do recommend holding off on the sex though. It is very true that boys your age will say and do almost anything to get laid; they haven’t yet learned respect for girls and are usually after their own selfish needs. Unfortunately boys around your age are very immature, but you can still have fun, just keep those legs closed while his willy’s out. As young as you are I bet you find a lot of meaning in music, if so check out the lyrics for “The Package” by A Perfect Circle. Maynard does a really good job of explaining the male mindset when it comes to getting sex. You’ll have to overcome that huge pit in your stomach you feel when you see that boy you like, but the buzz you get from doing it is huge and you’re going to want to feel that again. It seems impossible but if you don’t do it you’ll always be trapped within yourself and you will grow up missing out on a lot and eventually regret it. Don’t be like me!

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Boyfriend continues to get on POF behind my back?? Posted: 7/7/2009 8:32:18 PM
^^^^ OMG YES! In your relationship, as long as you have your profile (hidden or not) you are saying it is acceptable. How is he to know you are not keeping in contact with someone you really like but isn't available at the moment. He could be thinking that woman is just sticking around until this other person; probably one of her "platonic friends" is available, so I might as well get some "platonic friends" waiting in the wings for when she dumps me and trades up. Your making it all about him, but it's just as much, if not more, about you and your actions, which I see as no different than his. What I would find extremely hilarious is if you both end up dumping each other because you both suspect each other of looking around, yet you were both just keeping in contact with platonic friends. POF is not the only medium to keep in contact with old friends, it is a dating site. If both of you are on it you're both not done dating (and I"m not talking about dating each other) Hows that for putting the shoe on the other foot?

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 119 (view)

Astrology Posted: 7/7/2009 8:26:26 PM
that is the duality of a gemini. No its just the crap of crap. I wonder if the same people who believe in astrology, religions and other fantasy are the same type of people who got upset that the force turned out to be a bunch of cells inside Luke's body. I see no problem when this stuff is used for entertainment, but it's a bit creepy when people believe it to be real. Kinda like a grown up believing in Santa Clause, the easter bunny or eskimos. Some people allow this stuff to run their lives, as in they won't date a certain sign and they can only be friends with another sign but the sex is amazing with the an altogether different sign. I guess if you have absolute belief in this type of thing than it relieves a person of being responsible and accountable for themselves. If you haven't found love yet than it's the gods faults not your own. Or if you sleep around it's because of when you were born. I think astrology is all about excuses for the downsides and bad things that happen in peoples lives, and reasons the good things that happen. If that were the case than every aspect of our lives should be 100% accurately reflected in the signs/zodiac/bible whatever...; I feel that instead we should spend more time getting to know our own true nature instead of allowing some card trick to dictate our true nature.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Boyfriend continues to get on POF behind my back?? Posted: 7/7/2009 6:16:12 PM
I think you are a fool. No insult intended but I believe anybody who has double standards to be a fool. You are here and so is he, you can have platonic friends but you can't trust him to have platonic friends, you keep in contact with platonic friends on a dating site, but he is b/s'ing you because he is keeping in contact with platonic friends on a dating site.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Why do we women do this to ourselves? Posted: 7/7/2009 6:09:42 PM
If it's just the sex that would kind of make sense, it's perfectly normal to fall in love with sex with a certain someone. Maybe he's at the top of the attractive scale, maybe he's just a stud and is making you feel things you've never felt before. Physically speaking of course. If you want to get over him, look for the undesirable traits and concentrate on those, get mad at how he uses you, how he lies to you, and use that energy to create a different mental impression of him. It sounds like a negative impression of him might be a little closer to the truth than the one you currently have. Figure out how to make yourself feel as good as he does, then you don't need any man ever again. Imagine a world where you don't need a guy. That leaves you looking because you want one, and not need one, you will see things very differently from that perspective.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Damn.... Posted: 7/7/2009 6:00:32 PM
I was certain this man was a match for me, and since I find they are so few and far between, I was expecting that he would see the light, This is these types of women/men’s problem. You can’t force someone to love you. You can’t force someone to be attracted to you. Just because YOU think the two of you are perfect for each other doesn’t mean the other person thinks the same way. If they don’t come around to that same conclusion on their own and shortly after you have come to that conclusion, they’re not going to. Not in the near future anyways. Oh, he might be looking for more, but just not with you Because he obviously doesn’t have the same feelings for you that you do him. You do this because your eyes are wide shut! You refuse to see reality and are living in a fairy tale where you think he will eventually come around to you and that will make all the b/s you’ve been putting up with worth it. Stop painting these guys with your “perfect guy paint” and see them for who they really are; a guy that is not into you that way. You need to open your eyes and have some self respect. Don’t let guys treat you like this, their behavior certainly doesn’t deserve to be rewarded with sex so why are you sleeping with them? As you have said they are not showing you any of the signs of wanting to have a real relationship with you so why are you pursuing them? Are you scared there will be nobody else? Are you afraid of being alone? Get over those fears find happiness being who you are and don’t worry so much about finding that guy.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 109 (view)

Astrology Posted: 7/6/2009 11:23:28 PM
not easy to make up your mind cause you see both sides. Do you defeat yourself in a debate? How do you decide the best choice to choose?. busy busy busy. First you are here, then next your over there. How did that happen, how can you be in two places at one time ? This is how I have been every since my first memory. It is so true. Unfortunately I am a Virgo, so what the hell??!?!

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 106 (view)

Astrology Posted: 7/6/2009 11:10:05 PM
I really wish my spirit animal could be a penquin. An emporer penguin to be exact. Those are the penguins featured in "Marth of the Penguin" and "Happy Feet". Those doods grow to be like 3.5-4 feet tall! One of my lifes goals is to own a penguin, if reincarnation is real, I want to come back as an emperor penguin. 4 feet of "looking good", belly surfing and sitting on an egg while the woman goes out for take out! Who could want anything more?

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Ex boyfriendss????? Posted: 7/6/2009 11:05:45 PM
May i ask anyone their opinions on this because im confused No you may not!

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 158 (view)

Does anyone have anything good to say about their EX? Posted: 7/6/2009 11:04:09 PM
I can say many good things about my ex’s. Even the ones I avoid like the plague. I wonder, if you don’t have anything good to say about your ex’s, does that mean that you think everything that screwed up your relationship was their fault? Or at least you feel that the errs you made were inconsequential compared to the errs of the ex?

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

Needy People Posted: 7/6/2009 11:00:47 PM
^^^^^^ Agreed the first part is an assumption. No no need to tell me about assumptions. Apparently if you make an assumption, you will be and Ass and the Ump will Shun you. Or something to that effect.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 139 (view)

All spoken... Posted: 7/6/2009 10:54:56 PM
@WindowsDesire BINGO! You have said in one post something that has taken me at least 4. You covered almost all of the tangents that make up intelligence and attraction to intelligence that I have tried to emphasize. You are truley a much better communicator than I am, thank you for your post. I have only tried to expand on why a woman might thing her intelligence "intimidates" a man beyond what you've said. Not every women is guilty of being overbearing, however if you think your intelligence intimidates another human being it is my belief that you need to take a long, objectional look at how you interact. You may find that it is not your intelligence, merely your delivery that is "intimidating" the opposite sex.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 98 (view)

Astrology Posted: 7/6/2009 7:31:42 PM
Astrology to me is like any other ideology. It has some truth but also a lot of crap, err I mean faith based beliefs. The zodiac cross is simply the tale of our sun and earth. If you were to put a gigantic stick through the poles of the earth that stick would point to different zodiac constellations at different times in history and the future. It takes approximately 26,000 years for this stick to proceed through all of the constellations. The rest of the cross symbolizes the equinoxes, the solstice, the seasons and the movement of the sun throughout the year. So the truth is that the cross of the zodiac is a calendar. A calendar that allows you to predict the positions of the star formations (constellations=zodiac signs), the sun and the earth. Ancient people were very aware that our sun (the big bright yellow thing in the sky, not Jesus or any other deity) is what is responsible for all life on earth. Since these ancient people like to personify everything into elaborate stories and myths the sun became known as the god sun, God being the giver of all life on the planet, which is the sun (big yellow thing). They also personified the constellations into mythological creatures and gods. Since people have thought that after life and in death we ascend into the heavens to join the gods; and since they could predict the positions of the “gods” using the cross of the zodiac, than the zodiac cross must be able to predict the lives of human beings. And that’s where all the crap, err… I mean faith based beliefs (Astrology) comes from. It’s no different than believing in Christianity or thousands of other religions that are based on the same cosmic ballet. Actually Chrisitanity is based on the zodiac, now I’m not sure if the zodiac is based on the Egyptian god Horus or the other way around, or maybe developed independently of each other. The life of Horus is documented on the walls of pyramids in Egypt that date back at least 3000 years before Christ. However they share over 100 parallels with Christ. Want to open your eyes? Than google the Egyptian sun god Horus or the movie Zeitgeist. PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUCEMENT, IF YOU SMOKE WEED DO NOT WATCH ZEITGEIST WHILE HIGH, IT WILL DEFINITLEY AND LITERALLY BLOW YOUR MIND!

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Needy People Posted: 7/6/2009 7:05:50 PM
Well like you said she is needy. I’m thinking she doesn’t have any other friends either, maybe some acquaintances but not real friends. Because of this she is turning to you every time she needs to talk to a friend. Two things need to be done, one she needs to diversify and acquire more friends so she’s not always on your phone or at your door every time she needs to talk to somebody. It doesn’t matter how good of friends any two people are, if one is always turning to the other for every and all social interactions it is going to be trying on the other person and will put stress on the friendship. Two you need to set some boundaries with her. Let her know you are her friend and you’ll always be there for her, but you need to be there for yourself too. You can’t be here go to psycho-analyst all the time. You, like many other people need your own space and time for doing your thing. You need to tell her directly that she needs to understand that sometimes you don’t have time for her every second of the day. If she calls and doesn’t get an answer she needs to stop calling until you return her call when you have a moment. You know when she calls and she knows you know when she calls so if you’re not answering her call she needs to chill and wait her turn. One thing you could do as a friend to help her out is take her out with you and introduce her to some of your friends that she doesn’t know and help her make a bond with other people. If this is done with people that are your friends she will not feel like you’re dumping her since these are friends that you two would have in common. If she is really jealous of you dating, which I think is not totally the issue than she needs to get out and date too. Firstly of course she needs to decide what she’s going to do with the husband, either they’re done or she’s going to try and work things out with him. She needs to get busy doing one or the other and that in itself will take some of the pressure off you, give her something to concentrate some of her attention on instead of totally being on you all the time.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 109 (view)

A question for you serious-minded men... Posted: 7/5/2009 7:15:32 PM
The phrase “S/he’s hot and s/he knows it” is reserved for those who see themselves as better than someone else, above of other people’s league, and believes in leagues in general. It does not have anything to do with the many men and women out there who have a positive self image, which is healthy and desirable. Relating that phrase to intelligent people confines it to those intelligent people who think they’re better than others because of their “superior” intellect. I was not generalizing and I am not passing judgment on all intelligent people. I am commenting on why some people may be “intimidated” by others who believe they are very intelligent. That is after all the questions of the thread and to take my comments and apply them beyond that type of person is to take me out of context. I do not like to be taken out of context :p My previous statements are possible reasons for those that think they “intimidate” others with their intelligence. I personally do not believe it is intimidation and more likely to be the other person being put off and simply not wanting to be around this type of person who might have an overbearing intellect. Ever since I took a bunch of IQ tests in my early twenties I refuse to believe they are a good measure of intelligence. I believe all they are is a measure of how well you test. I took multiple IQ tests online and written. In no particular order my scores varied from border-line moron to genius. If IQ tests were a truly quantitative measurement of someone’s intelligence all of those tests should have been in a much smaller range. Very intelligent people including most geniuses are genius or intelligent in a very specific area. If you are the type who seems to intimidate others with your intelligence is it because you are constantly bringing out the smartest you possible and focusing conversation, activities, and other relations on the specific area that you excel in. People can tire and bore of that very quickly and missing those social cues can lead them to not wanting to be around you. Such as correcting someone’s spelling on an informal communication. Using spelling errors to insinuate that someone doesn’t know what they’re talking about since they’re not intelligent enough to spell every word correctly is nitpicky and a precursor to the type of overbearing intelligence that put’s other people off, or as some like to call it, intimidates. Had I been writing a formal essay, letter, or memo then I would have proof read, corrected spelling, grammar, and organizational structure. Had my posts been riddled with constant spelling errors that your average fifth grader wouldn’t make I would have admitted a lack of intelligence on my part. The best answer is one that can be changed easily and that is not wishy washy. It is the ability to realize that none of us are omnipotent hence none of us has all the facts when making a decision. This is why in science conclusions are often called theories for many years after they have been proven based on information that has a lot of integrity. A theory does not become a law until it has been proven independently over and over again by many unbiased individuals. Even when someone’s conclusion has been determined to be a law by the scientific community it is not unheard of for that law to be broken and a new more complete one to take its place. This is why we seek out second medical opinions, why we have appeals courts, these very intelligent judges and doctors are expressing their very informed opinions of medical science or the law. If they can be wrong in their opinion than why shouldn’t I believe that my opinion could be wrong or why couldn’t your opinion be wrong? I do not hide my intelligence I just don’t wear it like the clothes on my back. It is there if you care to take a look. It is who I am and if nobody else is like that than at least I’m different as I have a huge fear of being normal. There have been situations in my life where I have allowed my intelligence to dominate interactions with others. Often what follows is silence, nobody wants to add anything, nobody wants to say anything. In the context of dating this is not conducive of a good date. Being a very strong introvert, after I have dominated anything in such an outward way I spend the rest of the night being very quiet which has allowed me to hear what others have thought when they think I’m not listening or within ear shot. They rarely have anything bad to say about me and mostly what is heard is some variation of “that went right over my head”. This is why I like to tone down the intelligence most of the time and come down to the reality that when you are (for example) more intelligent than 95% of the population, 95% of the people who you are socializing with may not be interested in your how intelligent you are and just want to have fun without having to think too hard. Save the debates over quantum mechanics and socioeconomic divisions for your colleagues or those friends you have that are actually interested. 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

A question for you serious-minded men... Posted: 7/4/2009 7:48:02 PM
I hope you weren't under the impression I was being arrogant. I was just trying to figure out why I was attracting a certain audience...one I was hoping to avoid. If you knew me personally, you would find me to be quite unpretentious. No absolutely not, I don't know you and I would not allow myself to form an impression unless I did know you for quite some time. Just some food for thought, it is possible to give off an arrogant persona without realizing it. Again, only a question you could answer though. No offense, but you need the input of others on which to base your intelligence? No, but useful for others to base my intelligence. If I assert it because I think it, who's to say I'm not just being pretentious. Wrong. You generalize smart people--a smart person who is secure in his/her intelligence is the first... blah blah blah First of all I didn't use any absolutes. "Most" is not all, "Many" is not everyone. Seems as I may have hit a nerve of yours, I'm curious as to why? I simple cannot fathom why anyone would pretend to be dumb. The more dynamic the group of people you surround yourself with the more enriching your life will be. Some people are afraid of intelligence or maybe not afraid of it just put off by it. Acting less intelligent now and then makes you more approachable to people of average and even below average intelligence, it makes it easier for them to relate to you. To assume that average intelligence and lower intelligence people can't enrich your life is in my opinion stupid. Everybody has their own uniquness and you don't always have to "get it" to give it.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

8-2 Rule Posted: 7/4/2009 7:13:29 PM
Probably because youth is almost universally sexy. Every body would love to be young again in some aspect. Allowing for a larger selection south of your own age may show a need to live vicariously through someone.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

A question for you serious-minded men... Posted: 7/4/2009 7:10:53 PM
Intelligent women do not intimidate me, but many intelligent people turn me off. There is nothing more repulsive than "the really beautiful girl who knows it." For me it is the same with intelligence. If you're really smart that is awesome however if you can't bring yourself back down to reality and everything must always be a measurement of who's grey matter is bigger than I don't want anything to do with you. I love intelligent conversation, I love debating issues that important to both me and whoever I'm socializing with, but I also like to be a fool. I have been told by all of my friends and most people that have taken the chance to get to know me that I am very intelligent. However you would have no idea unless you took the time to get to know me. That is an intelligent design of my own personality. I don't want to intimidate people and I want people to be able to relate to me no matter how intelligent they are. So i'm not going to beat someone over the head with my big brain and I will often purposefully come across a little dumb on purpose. It's earned me the loving description of "Smartest retard I know" from my friends. With a lot of intelligence often comes a lot of judgement, and while these people may think they're intelligent because some test told them they were, to me a measure of intelligence includes a large dose of humility and the ability to refrain from making stead fast conclusions to quickly and never about something as dynamic as a human being. After all, I do believe the best answer to any questions anyone can pose is one that can be changed easily. Most intelligent people don't leave room to manuever after they've formed an opinion as they are sooo sure they're 100% right because after all, they're always right, right? 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 134 (view)

Justifying Cheating? Posted: 7/2/2009 11:28:40 PM
There is never a way to justify cheating. Just like it's never right to blame the person your bf/gf cheated with. "She knew he was with somebody" There's no point in having any animosity towards the other other person. In fact you should probably thank them and give them a gift certificate or something, they just showed you that the perfect person you are with isn't worth the crap on the bottom of your shoe. If you have a good enough reason to cheat you have a good enough reason to break up. I hear married people say they can't divorce because they will loose too much money, either the guy having to pay or the woman fearing not being able to be supported (For the ones that stay because they need to be supported, you know like 3 kids that are not his, no education and minimum wage job at best) For those who fear losing too much I guess "stuff" and money is more important than your happiness, kinda predicts that cheating will be morally acceptable to you. For those that need to be supported you have failed lifes number one rule for survival. Always make sure you are self sufficient, no matter how much your spouse makes. You don't have to work but make sure you always have credientials to be able to. If you are not in love anymore, or even if you are get your shit together and get out of the relationship/marriage. Then go bang who you like, do it right on his front lawn if you want, just don't cheat. The biggest red flag that I have no compromise for (execpt for age, pretty much everybody does stupid crap they don't do anymore when they're in their teens/early twenties) is cheating. If a girl I'm dating has ever cheated on an ex, it's over and done with right then. I lose the attraction as soon as I know that they do it and I lose all respect as well. So to recap; 1. Cheating - always bad, never do it, break-up first 2. The other man/woman - Don't get mad at them, they're not the one that hurt you 3. Always remain in control of your own destiny, don't ever be totally dependant on someone else. Always have a back up plan. If you're not living up to those 3 tidbits of wisdom, take not and try to. Life will become much better for. (Karma) 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Communication Posted: 6/28/2009 9:06:54 PM
As for the op's original question I think most people do not communicate because they are afraid of the truth. Communicating will definitely tell you the true intentions, feelings, and aspirations of the other person. I know people can lie... blah blah blah. But an important part of communicating has nothing to do with the words that are coming out of someone's mouth. You may not get the truth the first time you really converse, the truth may not come from what they say but what they don't say over time. Rewording important questions and asking them two or three times over the course of a half dozen dates/meetings can really show the truthfulness of the person. A lie is a made up, fictitious statement, these are hard to remember after they've been told. A memory or personal value is something that is always in our mind. Ask the same question get the same answer and you are getting the truth, ask the same question and get a different answer then you are getting a lie. Lies are harder to remember than memories or values. Beware of the rehearsed lie you can spot it by getting the same answer worded exactly the same as the first time you received it. Most people don't want to know the truth and only succumb to it after they've been hurt or its staring them in the face and they will lose self respect if they continue to look the other way. Hence asking random strangers on POF what they think he/she meant by "xyz". They use responses from people who don't really have a clue as to what he/she meant to rationalize their own personally projected persona for the guy/girl. If they really wanted to know what he/she meant they would ask him/her. Truth be told they probably already know what he/she meant and they're grasping at straws to spin it into something that will allow their fantasy to continue. I don't believe in psychics which means nobody knows what is going on in someones head. The best person to answer what did he/she mean is that person, the second best is the one asking the question, they were the one present when it was said and know the context in which it was used and saw or heard the mannerisms that followed it. Communicating is more than just talking, it includes observing and asking more questions. Most people just talk and hence fall into the schism filled rift that devours many relationships. 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

if i am so perfect to him why does he still need to chat to other women Posted: 6/19/2009 6:55:55 PM
Sounds like he's a nice guy slash trader upper. You are "good enough for now". That doesn't mean he will never come around, it just means he's not smitten with you yet and he's keeping his options open and looking for someone who smites him. He's making a mistake by laying it on too thick and telling you he thinks that are perfect for him; obviously not true to him or else he still wouldn't be on here. In his mind he's the perfect guy and he's not doing anything wrong because he's only looking for "friends" and everybody is allowed to have friends of either sex. It's up to you to decide if this is acceptable to you. 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 41 (view)

horror movies = red flag? Posted: 6/19/2009 6:52:38 PM
The only way the movies you like are a red flag are if they are illegal. As in you've moved to the dark side of internet porn or every movie you like has made millions at the box office. (That last one is my own preference). Who you read is a different story in my opinion. I won't date a girl who likes Stephen King. Yeah he writes good horror, but he's a horrible writter. Repetitive, predicatable and he is not imaginative with his style. I almost feel like I'm reading an instruction manual.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Is she Waffling....? Is she scared? Does she consider herself unattractive? Posted: 6/14/2009 1:00:33 PM
She isn't waffling......yet. I've met women from POF who posted honest, unphoto-shopped pictures of themselves... from 10 years ago. Some women don't care and when you meet and they look very different they expect you to just continue on with everything like everything is normal. I have HUGE problems with this for two reasons. One I feel they were dishonest and mis represented their looks to get what they want, I'm not interested in finding out how much of their personality is like that, where does it stop, are they willing to lie to get just about anything or just on POF? I'll never know cause I'm not wasting my time in finding out. Two I don't believe physical attraction is only the lurer and that's it. Yes personality makes up a huge part of whether I like someone or not, but so does physical attraction. You have to have both physical attraction and attraction to personality, after all those people that are great people and we get a long with great but are not attracted to physically have a name; their called FRIENDS.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 69 (view)

Is it racism when.... Posted: 6/14/2009 12:18:08 PM
I don't think it is racist at all. We don't really get to choose what type of person we are attracted to. If you're not attracted to Asians than why pursue a relationship with one? As long as it is a physical attraction thing and not based on any prejudice about Asian women than it is a personal preference and has nothing to do with racism. If someone put on their profile no morbidly obese men or women would they be racists for discounting someone based on their physical appearance? Expand that to any type of woman, if I wasn't attracted to blondes or red heads? Am I now a racist for making a judgement based on their physical appearance? Yeah sure they could be a great person, I'm not denying that, all I'm saying is they don't give me a woody, and I think that is important in a relationship; or have relationships changed so much that we MUST give every potential prospect a chance no matter how little they get our blood pumping? MUST we judge every person based solely on their personality? The answer is yes only if we are simply looking for friends, if you're looking for a mate, that special someone, or even a FWB, physical attraction is very important.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Ladies: first kiss - do you prefer a guy to ask permission or take initiative & just do it? Posted: 6/11/2009 4:53:27 PM
Agreed - except that sometimes signals are missed or misinterpreted. Which is why I always have a couple of beers or smoke a doobie before going in for the first kiss. It dulls the sting of the slap for those many many times when signals are crossed.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

Dealing with anger issues? Posted: 6/11/2009 4:42:50 PM
an you maybe just pick a stance and stick with it? If she has problems, SHE needs to deal with them. I think the reason for his post his to help him make a decision. Some times people need help, as someone who always try's do do things on his own I know help from someone else can make a huge difference, whether I asked for it or not. OP: I think you are doing the what you need to be doing now, standing by your principles and letting her know that you won't compromise on this one but you're willing to work on the issue. I wouldn't let the relationship progress any further until the anger issue is under control and manageable. However you must understand that while she may get this under control it is always going to be there on some level. You may just not see it as often. Since she admitted that she has anger issues, give time she will more than likely want to tackle them if she doesn't already. You can be there to help her through it, just make sure to always be positive and supportive. You should also find the things you do that trigger the outbursts and even if it doesn't seem like an angry out burst is warranted for that trigger, remove it--- for now. If she flips out over the toilet seat being up remember to put it down. We all have quirks and shadows about ourself that we tend to hide until they come out in a flood. Helping to seal the cracks must be done on both sides of the dam. 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 31 (view)

Why women want guys to come to THEM Posted: 6/10/2009 5:16:23 PM
It's still survival of the strongest. Those who pursue are the strongest. I liked to think we have evolved to the point where we choice our SO based on compatibility. I suppose we will evolve to that, but right now we have a hybrid where the strongest wins at first, but doesn't get the prize unless he's compatible.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 85 (view)

Dating different age groups Posted: 6/10/2009 5:04:54 PM
discuss a political, economical, psychological topic with knowledge and intelligence. This is only important to people who find it important. There are many married couples out there who do not discuss any of those topics, and some out there that don't really talk to each other a whole lot. Yet they have excellent marriages and you see it in their actions. So having generational commonalities is important for some, but not all. I'm in my early 30's and as luring as a 19 year old is I won't get into a relationship with one without a whole lot of "friends first", maybe even a couple of years worth. I believe this for the simple fact that was stated a few posts earlier, a 19 year old has a lot of growing up to do. The person I was at 19 is not the same person I am today. There are similarities but in many other ways I am a completely different person. If I did manage to fall for a 19 year old the chances of her being a person that I would still be in love with 10 years later are not that good. People change too much in their 20's as they are growing up and learning about the world and learning about themselves; in fact they're still figuring out what "their self" is. Now a guy my age getting into a relationship with a woman 15 years older than me is something more likely to work out in the long term. While I will still continue to change on some levels, most of my drastic changes have already been made and I am who I am; now and forever. 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

Why women want guys to come to THEM Posted: 6/10/2009 4:50:38 PM
Having someone pursue you is a huge complement and makes a person feel good about themselves. If advances are made from someone suitable they are desired even more. The more a man chases a woman the better he makes her feel. It is natural selection to select the man that makes you feel the best, in other words the man that pursues you instead of the man that doesn't.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Do plentyoffish pages load faster for you since last week ? Posted: 6/9/2009 7:02:11 PM
They are loading a lot faster than anytime I can remember. I experienced a similar problem yesterday not being able to access the site or the forums. I kept getting an error saying the link was broken, even when I typed the URL in. Today everything is working fine. Looks like Markus Frind's first employee (paid that is) is doing some work.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 73 (view)

Take off the mask Posted: 6/7/2009 4:42:47 PM
I assumed and hoped that you're profile was based on actual fact. Do not take me using you as an example as any sort of attack against you. I wished to point out that we all personify ourselves to some degree and we don't realize it. I will concede I'm wrong about the married man, I wasn't aware he slyly tried to hide his wedding band. However I think you can admit that you were passing some judgment on the cran/vodka women. (Again 8:14 am) or whatever time is correct. Even if it was only for the sake of a laugh. You're not actually coming right out and saying it, but I think you are implying that having a drink that earlier is not good or right (in effect you're finding the bad not the good). Had I seen the same scenario my first thought would not have been "drinking this early in the day, well I never!" It would have been, there's someone who doesn't do well on flights and that is how they deal with it. Now we obviously run in different social levels, had I been flying first class I would have been too overwhelmed and in awe to have notice everything you did and you know your own environment better than I do. (Although when the little brat **stard started kicking the seat I probably would have thought "wow I can barely feel that compared to the seats in coach!") I don't doubt that you do try to see the good in everybody, but I do believe that we all slip behind a mask without realizing it from time to time. I'm raising the question of why don't we remove it (or perhaps even "how do we check if we are wearing it") when dating and I can admit that I too am not always the person I think I am. I try to catch those moments and work on them. I'm not saying these are moments of purposefully trying to harm someone, just idiosyncrasies of who I am. (wow can't believe I spelled that correct on the first try) I am talking about is when people go into situations with malicious intent There are people that do this, but I think they are a very small percentage of the population, killers, con-men and other criminals would be them. I think the vast majority of people that hurt us don't purposefully set out to harm us, they just don't care if they do in their pursuit of what they want. Having known quite a few male players in my day I can say that even they do regret their actions and the hurt that they have caused, yet they don't do anything about it and let the behavior continue until they grow the hell up. Imagine if the players didn't wear their thick masks, male and female players alike could find their counterparts and the rest of us would not be strewn all over the place in their wake. Imagine if we could be comfortable enough with ourselves to not have barriers such as masks and walls. Imagine if we looked inward enough to see the differences between what we project and what we are, no matter how slight they are, imagine how the world would be. 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 71 (view)

Take off the mask Posted: 6/7/2009 11:22:25 AM
When I feel like I have been beating my head against a wall I stop and think and try to look at the situation from the other persons perspective. To do that I must learn about them and in the POF environment it means reading their profile and previous posts on the forums. Imagine my surprise when I found exactly what I’m talking about on the profile of the person who has crudely dismissed my thoughts as BS and poppy-cock. <div class="quote"> I choose to see the good in people <div class="quote"> I really respond to warmth, and someone who is kind, and doesn't feel he is above others or is judgmental Assuming you are looking for someone who has similar values to yourself I find that non-judgmental requirement perplexing due to the amount of judgment you passed on the woman drinking the cran/vodka and the married man who sat beside you. Did you see the woman’s itinerary? Can you be sure she has not just gotten on a connecting flight from the other side of the world so that 8 am for you is actually 8pm for her? ( I do love the judgmental faces people make when I order my alcohol on an early morning flight after working a 12 hour night shift. They are so sure that I have a problem because I'm drinking so early in the morning.) Are you psychic? Were you able to read the mind of the married man who sat down beside you and know all of his thoughts, interests and intentions? Because it is totally absurd for anyone to attempt polite conversation with the person they will be sitting beside for a few hours. Complete silence and absolutely no acknowledgement of the others existence is what everybody does and anybody doing anything else is after something, most certainly trying to get you in the sack while his wife and kids are not around. While I have just pointed out how your “good impression” differs from who you actually are by using your own words, I’m betting you will defend yourself saying the judgments were for humors purpose only. <div class="quote"> OP, the one thing I can tell you with absolute clarity is who I am. Really? I am confused. How did you see the good in the vodka/cran woman or the married man? The intentional deceit, dishonesty, lies and two timing are a small part of what I am talking about and really I wanted to keep that type of persona/mask as nothing more than a footnote because it is obviously wrong. I would not waste peoples time on these forums with such obvious observations. The persona/mask that I am really trying to discuss is the one that I pointed out in that profile, the subtle differences between who we think we are; which can be seen easily when trying to make a good impression on somebody, and the person who we really are when we are in fact just being ourselves. This doesn’t mean that to have a mask/persona on means you are nefarious, and if that is your definition of it then I say TUFF TITTIES, it is my thread and I have already defined it for the purpose of this thread! :P Although I will concede and apologize because I have probably not done a good job of explaining the definition, so here it is straight from the horse’s mouth. <div class="quote"> The persona The persona represents your public image. The word is, obviously, related to the word person and personality, and comes from a Latin word for mask. So the persona is the mask you put on before you show yourself to the outside world. Although it begins as an archetype, by the time we are finished realizing it, it is the part of us most distant from the collective unconscious. At its best, it is just the "good impression" we all wish to present as we fill the roles society requires of us. But, of course, it can also be the "false impression" we use to manipulate people's opinions and behaviors. And, at its worst, it can be mistaken, even by ourselves, for our true nature: Sometimes we believe we really are what we pretend to be! Dr. C. George Boeree, Professor of Psychology, Shippensburg University The whole point I am trying to make with this thread is only in regards to relationships. That point would be don’t bother with the good impression. Try to be exactly as you would when no one is looking or when you are with your closest friends/family. Acting any other way presents a somewhat false impression of yourself and eventually the truth comes out and it is at that point that many relationships go south because one person realizes the person they liked is not the person standing in front of them. 46&2

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

I just have a protocol question Posted: 6/6/2009 7:28:52 PM
There are times when life gets busy and hectic for everybody. In my own personal experience I have forgotten to make that phone call or send that email and been in the this type of situation. She emailed me a week ago and I haven't replied. There was a time that I wouldn't reply figuring I've waited too long and I'm going to come across as flaky or weird if I call now. I've just said oh well I messed that chance up hopefully another one comes along soon. So I would say give it another shot, it's been a week since you're last call so you're not going to look desperate or anything. I would send one last email or one last phone call and if nothing happens than definitely right him off and move on to the next fishy.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 60 (view)

Take off the mask Posted: 6/6/2009 6:58:54 PM
I don't feel the need to wear a mask, simply because I am proud of who I am. I think a lot of people are missing the point I’m making. Wearing the mask or having a “persona” is not something we consciously do. It’s a series of unintentional, sub-conscious impressions we try to make of ourselves. Granted there are people out there that are 99% the same person after 3 months as they were the first day you met them. These are the people that really do know who they are and are not fooling themselves There are also a lot of people that don’t really know who they are or hide from the truth. Time reveals them and I think on average it takes about 3 months to get to know someone pretty good. I say this because I’ve seen both with myself and many people I know, relationships that don’t work out last approximately 3 months. Who is to say that the truth of us isn’t a compilation of all the different personalities I agree we are different people in different situations and in different environments. My point is that the compilation of personalities that we are and the compilation of personalities that we would describe as who we are and the compilation of personalities that we wear when putting our best foot forward are all different to different degrees for everybody. Of course there is also the mask that we put on others, the way we want/wish them to be and again time and familiarity eventually erode both our own persona and the persona we’ve hung over them and the persona that person wears too. I think I've finally gone cross-eyed lol. This is complicated but we're describing our descriptions of life's interactions and they are complicated.

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 65 (view)

Competing with a dead spouse. Posted: 6/5/2009 9:05:57 PM
Oggidy Booggidy

RandomDrew

Joined: 5/23/2009

Msg: 235 (view)

Friendship First Posted: 6/5/2009 6:51:30 PM
As long as you detected the sarcasm in my original post then I agree 100%. BTW does anybody else think that sarcasm should really have an I in it? it's got an im sound at the end but no I

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