rape/molestation victims and dating..... chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: rape/molestation victims and dating.....

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

rape/molestation victims and dating..... Posted: 11/20/2009 8:59:38 PM
Just getting out of a 14 yr marriage where the ex was raped as a child. She has never got over it. I tried to help but, scares run deep. I know this sounds cruel but, run like hell away from them. You will save yourself a lot of agony. They are already in turmoil.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Is 3 cats too many? Posted: 10/13/2009 6:53:39 PM
yep...for some. No for others. Personal choice. people will accept you for what you are. Not what you are not.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Meeting children Posted: 9/22/2009 6:02:41 PM
My daughter is a part of my life. I introduced her to my new girlfriend BEFORE she was my girlfriend. Kids can handle it.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

The gentleman's club? Posted: 9/4/2009 2:57:34 PM
Only been to 2 in my life. both for bachelors parties. Not mine. Don't worry, most strippers are batting for the other team. Other than that, it seems to me a profound waste of money. Can't touch or the bouncers kick your ass. There is a reason you are uncomfortable with it. Trust your gut.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Why are some guys profile lurkers? Posted: 8/25/2009 9:04:23 AM
OK, I read your profile. Good one. You can see that I read it. Yest, history is nice. Been to Europe and the castles. It's not growing a pair or not. I have looked at quite a few only to have someone that I am not interested in send me an e-mail. However, being me, I respond to everyone. All people are cool! It is what it is. Accept it or stop the on-line thingie.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

dirty things to say in bed Posted: 8/22/2009 12:14:49 PM
As Obi-Wan said "Luke, let go, use the force". It has to be spontaneous and natural. Just let go with your wild self.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 178 (view)

why the prettier the woman, the worse she is in bed or giving head? Posted: 8/9/2009 6:50:44 PM
Ifeellucky nice...nice;-)

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 177 (view)

why the prettier the woman, the worse she is in bed or giving head? Posted: 8/9/2009 6:45:15 PM
Dang Kellygurl! Too bad you live in Cali. I think your attitude is quite sexy. Ahh, but on to the point. Dude, your expectations are one way and your reality is another. Maybe it was you that didn't please them or turn them on. Works both ways you know. Not trying to slam you but, it takes 2 unless you are self-eroticating. It's all about chemistry. Work on your target aquisition and refine your target set if sex is all you are after.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

HEY GUYS I NEED HELP!!!! NEED REPLIES!!! Posted: 8/9/2009 6:09:15 PM
Welcome to world of on-line dating! Happens to all of us. Check your body type. "Prefer not to say" is no right. You look good (from what I can see). Here's my breakdown as to why folks don't answer; 1. rude (it is possible) 2. found another person to contact and are currently dating 3. Analyzed you and your profile and decided to pass - you were not what they THINK they are looking for. 4. a million and one other reasons. BLUF - some people pan the profiles. Some analyze them. SOme do nothing more than look at pics to glean clevage shots (yes, people are shallow) You seem nice and attractive. Give it a chance. This could be fun if you look on it as a game and not a job;-) You never know, you may find the right person whilst having fun! take care Greg

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Are you really ready for dating? Posted: 8/9/2009 8:04:15 AM
Birthday! Well then, Happy birthday to you! I'd sing but, you couldn't hear it. That's probably lucky for you as my singing could knock a buzzard of a crap wagon at 100 yards!

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 149 (view)

Why are there so many attractive women on POF? Posted: 8/8/2009 6:04:42 PM
It's safe to window-shop;-) No harm, no foul. Hey Tracyannk, move to NW FLA! There are plenty of non-mob folks here. Mostly high tech and Military.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Are you really ready for dating? Posted: 8/8/2009 5:50:13 PM
1. Doesn't want to date YOU. (His loss as you are attractive, smart and caring) 2. He really, really doesn't want to date. (I have friends on my profile for a reason. I don't want to lead anyone on) 3. It was draft day and you were the next draft choice on the board (along with others)

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Profile review please!! Posted: 8/8/2009 5:02:34 PM
You don't have a dry sense of humor. It is decidedly British! I love it! As for other races hitting on you, well, you're blonde. I have traveled extensively throughout the world. Blondes are a high commodity. Something about blondes that pique the interest a little more, so to speak. Just have to weed those folks out when screening e-mails. Your pics are wonderful! Nothing wrong there. You ARE NOT a few extra pounds! You are very attractive and, as stated above, beautifully curvy! take care and good luck fishing! Greg

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Review PLease! Posted: 8/6/2009 7:46:27 PM
The below filters limit people that can contact you. Be prepared to wait a while for the limited clientel. Male older than 35 Live in United States Live within 75 miles. Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex. You must have a picture to contact this user. Must not be looking for Talk/E-mail Must not be looking for Other Relationship Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter Must not do drugs Must not be married

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Cheating with an ex Posted: 8/6/2009 7:42:54 PM
1. yes/no - He isn't over her and has "hope" that it can work. Recommendation - dump him 2. Sometimes. If he is as young as you, he's having his cake and eating it too. Recommendation - dump him 3. Might be something missing. Could be just playing the field. Recommendation - dump him. You get the jist. That's all I could come up with since you gave limited data points.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

i'm not sure what to do with this Posted: 8/6/2009 12:34:11 PM
drop him like a sack of potato's. He's stringing you along for a booty call only. Be better than that.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Why aren't other races giving me messages ? Posted: 8/5/2009 9:37:06 PM
Don't know why. You are a beautiful American. I guess I'm just color blind. I just see American. I guess that's the most important thing. However, go to profile review and ask for some pointers. There are a lot of good folks over there with some great advice on how to market yourself in the on-line dating world. Good luck

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Should I move on? Posted: 8/4/2009 5:42:19 PM
self-critiquing. Are you trolling in this thread? Move out - draw fire

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Having it together.... Posted: 8/3/2009 7:26:17 PM
Dear God! There needs to be more of you (if this is not trolling). Because, if you read all the profiles, they all have drama, baggage, exes, etc. that are complicating their overly complicated lives. I'd love to meet someone that knows where they are going and has the drive and self-confidence to make it happen.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Why doesn't anybody answer me? Posted: 8/3/2009 7:13:41 PM
Holy cow! Where to start. Well, you look like you are a mile wide and inch deep. Not much after the looks (though, you are very pretty). Listing a bunch of bands is well, obsessive. Interest, tattoo's...whatever. Smoker well, that knocks out at least half the folks. Age - most folks in your age bracket are out clubbing it. Work on some significant self-improvement. Find out who you want to be when you grow up. It will come in time when you "find your place in the world". As far as answering your e-mails, welcome to the world of on-line dating. Out of common curtesy, do you answer all the e-mails that guys send to you? My bet is "no". They, just like you, did their analysis and determined that you were not for them. Good luck

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

A Dead Serious Question about the Importance of Breasts Posted: 8/1/2009 6:50:32 PM
First of all, God Bless you. You made the right choice and I pray you continue in good health. Yes, breast and looks are always initial attractors. That being said, any guy that would not celebrate and admire your spirit of survival and the fact that you overcame a potentially deadly disease, is not worth YOUR time. As for breast augmentation, that is a personal choice. I would never begrudge a mother, breast cancer survivor or, as mentioned above, some that had deformities, some cosmetic surgery. It has to be what you want for your own self-esteem. Nobody else. take care and believe that the right person will come along and accept you for being YOU! God Bless Greg

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

What is Your definition of Drama? Posted: 7/26/2009 8:13:24 AM
The ones who sport the word "Drama" in their profiles are the ones that have it. Some people just attract it. Once I see the word, I exit. As far as a definition, Jim Morrison nailed it. As far as making a clear choice to keep you free from those type of people (which is the goal), a proper risk analysis would tell you to by-pass anyone that mentions and/or displays such traits as Jim mentioned. I have never read a profile that states "I want drama".

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Okay, give it to me straight... Posted: 7/25/2009 11:26:02 AM
You are doing nothing wrong. It is what it is. All of us have the same problems (unless you are a super model). People "view" then move on. Just fishing. They did their analysis and determined that "we" were not the ones for them. You are attractive and have an upbeat profile. I like the power of positive thinking (a Norman Vincent Peale book) . I have it. It's very uplifting. You have no negatives in your profile (good). Take care and god luck! Greg

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Tramp Stamps are passe Posted: 7/18/2009 8:35:41 AM
No ink please. Some folks like it. Not me. As you get older, smeared ink is what you get. Not the least bit attractive. If you are trying to express yourself, try to do something in a not-so-permanant way.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Isn't it rude to ignore, ladies? Posted: 7/10/2009 6:20:38 PM
It is what it is. Part of the game. Accept it. We all get rejected. Even the Don Juans and the Barbie doll look alike's get rejected. If you send 2 emails and still no responses, move on. It's that simple. To quote the "Godfather" movie, It's not personal, it's business. Move out, draw fire! There are others that will want to hear from you. The ocean is deep. Me personally, I respond to everyone. It's common courtesy. Besides, I love talking to everyone and, I may be able to help in some way and find a new friend. Everything begins with friendship. However, I don't expect everyone I send a message to will reply. They did their analysis and determined that I was not what they were looking for. I hope they find what they are looking for. That's the reason we are all on this site. Friendship, romance, hanging out, stimulating conversation, etc. BTW Raiderfan, I like your outlook.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Profile review please Posted: 7/9/2009 9:11:38 PM
High Lady Nomad Your profile shows that you have a huge heart and a very engaging personality. You talked about your job. You talked about one of you hobbies. You have apssion in whatever you do. take care and happy fishin'

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

What can I do to make a man last longer Posted: 7/5/2009 8:18:43 PM
well, if you are having intercourse at night, it would behoove you to have a nooner or give a quickie BJ a few hours earlier. Yall could do that for each other. That way, intercourse is much better. Part of that sexy foreplay and flirting that everyone likes. Of course with the working world, this can only take place on weekends as workdays are usually filled with BS (Wait, he's just a young guy). If that doesn't work, start dating B.O.B. to help you.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

HEY CHECK ME OUT!!!! Posted: 7/5/2009 7:05:14 PM
Hi Theresa Lose your current primary pic. You look angry. Must be cheerful. Always accentuate the positive. happy fishin'!

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Brand New Member and New to Online Dating Posted: 7/5/2009 9:57:30 AM
I agree with adding more of whom you are looking for. Pictures are great! How's my hometown area! Born and raised in Melbourne

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Help with profile description Posted: 7/5/2009 9:52:53 AM
we're not all bi-lingual - shame on us - but reality you limit who can contact you to about 5 people;-) you already listed non-smoker up top

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Need Profile review from Ladies Posted: 7/4/2009 9:32:26 PM
Thanks all! I think I've cleaned it up thanks to yall!

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Constructive Criticism Requested Posted: 7/4/2009 8:28:38 AM
Remove - I'm just a woman, looking for a man(NOT). The rest of the paragraph is good enough. Other than that, I love the profile! You are positive, humble, caring and intelligent (yes, that counts). You are a beautiful person! You need a few more pictures. Even though I'm not the least bit photogenic, I was requested to more out there also. take care and good luck

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

What should I do? Posted: 7/4/2009 7:38:11 AM
He keeps saying his ex really messed him up emotionally and he will never let that happen again...which ok, i understand...but why am i paying for her actions Boy do I have 14 yrs of experience in this one. You feel like you are paying for the sins of women in his past. Whether true or no, let's assume it's true. Let him go. There is no changing him. There is no fixing him. Trust me, you'll be better off. I was married to someone that was SERIOUSLY abused in childhood and previous marriages and repressed it to where I didn't find out until 2 yrs into a 14 yr marriage. I stayed with her and helped her thru it. Honorable choice but, bad one for me. But, it wasn't about me at the time. hindsight 20/20. Shake his hand and let him go. Or, he may not be that into you as others have said. I would actually hope for this version vice the above.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Need Profile review from Ladies Posted: 7/4/2009 6:42:20 AM
Ok, I cleaned up a few things. Can we have a re-attack? I can still adjust fire. thanks all

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Need Profile review from Ladies Posted: 7/3/2009 10:35:43 PM
Thanks Lucid! When the time comes to change it, I will. I don't want to be disingenuous to anyone. I want to be honest and up-front.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Males, can I get a profile review? Posted: 7/3/2009 10:23:23 PM
Do's and Do nots. Delete the do not's. I've read everywhere on this site that you keep everything positive. Nothing negative. If people are still racist, they WILL NOT contact you and we don't need that type of person. good luck fishin'

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Can I get a profile review please? Posted: 7/3/2009 10:01:37 PM
Drop the "No High School Drama" part. I have yet to see anyone that ask for it. Good luck in the AF. It's been good for me!

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Ok guys, have at it! Be nice! :) Posted: 7/3/2009 9:55:17 PM
too many interest. I'd have to build a checklist to see if we had the same interest. Try limiting them to "anything outdoors" (example)

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

? Posted: 7/3/2009 9:42:31 PM
Dude, fist sentence was negative. Other than that, not much to go off of. You need to expound greatly. Stay positive on what you have done, would like to do.

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

I need a MAN's HONEST opinion...Ladies... You can tell it to me straight!! LOL! Posted: 7/3/2009 9:33:21 PM
Too many filters. Limiting folks that can e-mail you. good luck fishin'! Male Age between 35 and 45 Live in United States Live within 75 miles. Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex. You must have a picture to contact this user. Must not be looking for Other Relationship Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter Must not be looking for Activity Partner Must not do drugs Must not be married Must not smoke

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Profile review, I must be doing something wrong Posted: 7/3/2009 9:28:32 PM
Eliminate some of your filters. You are excluding many potential people from e-mailing you. Female Age between 23 and 36 Live in United States Live within 75 miles. You must have a picture to contact this user. Must not be looking for Hang Out Must not be looking for Talk/E-mail Must not be looking for Other Relationship Must not be looking for Friendship Must not be looking for Intimate Encounter Must not be looking for Activity Partner Must not do drugs Must not be married

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Need males to review my profile honestly please ages 27-40 Posted: 7/3/2009 9:23:54 PM
Drop the no drama part. Nobody wants it and it tends to be on every females profile. Bad things to put in profiles are "no games" and "no drama". To guys, we don't know the rules of the games (most women play them better with their own rules) and as far as drama, I have yet to see someone that advertises that they want drama other than going to see a Shakespeare play. Also, all the tats spell "trash". I know some people feel they must express themselves in that way but... Please wear appropriate clothing. You are a professional! Good luck fishing!

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Need Profile review from Ladies Posted: 7/3/2009 8:27:08 PM
Hi all, I'm new to this on-line dating. I need some reviews. Please be brutally honest. I have very thick skin and can take it. Did I ramble on too much? Do my pictures suck? What kind of pictures would you want to see (Caveat: I'm not that photogenic). Professional (Slacks and nice shirt - office setting)? Action photo's (sports, swimming, running, etc)? Home photo's? Believe me when I say that dating is more terrorifying than flying thru the Khyber Pass!

SOFHR

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Mr Provocative's post Posted: 7/3/2009 8:14:07 PM
Drop the "Don't do Drama" thing. Nobody "likes" drama and is usually a given that it is as good being unsaid. Now, if someone likes drama, then by all means state "I love drama"! Agree with the poster that didn't like the fiesty redhead. Works for the military also = good paying job = sugar momma (My full disclosure is that I am the same) Good luck

Show ALL Forums