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Thread: I believed his every word...now I'm left with a broken heart

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

I believed his every word...now I'm left with a broken heart Posted: 6/24/2009 10:36:33 PM
Yes.. please don't judge all of us because of this guy.. Your heart was in the right place, and though he took advantage of you, he will always have that kindness to remember shamefully as he eventually gets his kneecaps broken, because he stole money from the wrong girl, who had a really big brother with an itchy baseball bat arm.. or a ball pean hammer.. If anyone asks to borrow money from you, just don't do it.. in fact, tell them that you don't have any to give.. If you are a kind person, and must do what is in your heart, knowing you might be taken for a ride.. then don't be the victim.. give because you can, and only what will not strap you, don't lend.. give. You won't feel like crap, and if they repay you, well that's their own integrity, but you released that gift to them because of your heart, and it will be something you can feel a little good about.. I've learned to give 5 bucks to my friend, rather than lend him 5 bucks.. he owes me nothing, and i don't have it in the back of my mind that he owes me anything.. if he never comes back to repay me, I will just not have it if he asks again.. but if he does, it makes me feel good that he considered his debt to me a priority, and I am willing to help him again...

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Is it fair for me to be using this site? Posted: 6/24/2009 10:29:37 PM
I don't think so man... sometimes in order to stop thinking of the ex, you need someone to focus on.. you will know if you are ready to get with someone seriously, but you also need female friends too.. sometimes they can help you get past things you couldn't do alone.. this is where friendship comes in.. take things slow, and be up front about who and what you are, as much as needed.. alot of women here are already skiddish and want things to be slow anyway.. so just develop friendships first, and see what happens from there. As long as you don't go into anything trying to replace your ex, or punish the next woman with the wrongs that your ex did to you, you should be alright in my humble opinion.. I say this because I feel that in order to move on, you must adopt the frame of mind and go out there and find good company in order to stop staring at four walls and thinking about everything.. we all do it here, i'm willing to bet.. and it doesn't do us anything but make us worse.. get out.. be true and honest, and hope for nothing more than friendships you can build on.. it may help.

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 116 (view)

How important is chivalry in an relationship to you? Posted: 6/20/2009 7:38:31 AM
Eh.. said Strength twice.. oops.. coffee.. need more coffee.. this was in response to 'chivalry is dead comment, btw, as well as the knight bashing comments from history.. Also.. I ask this as well.. What cliche would you rather have? Honestly... Chivalry and Honor done unto you without agenda, or to cover up another larger lie.. or the cliche of becoming a battered wife, with an alcoholic cheating selfish self centered pig of a man who treats you like less than garbage? Seems to me like a no brainer to me..

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 114 (view)

How important is chivalry in an relationship to you? Posted: 6/20/2009 7:24:34 AM
<---------- Offended.. The ideals of chivalry may in history been seen as lacking, but from where I stand, on my own personal battlement, This is what chivalry is to me: Honor Courtesy Faith Charity Temperance Humility Strength Justice Hope Prudence Strength In these virtues that I and many strive for but perhaps do not know the name of what they try to attain, it is the very base of how we percieve chivalry and honor, and how we live it in this time. There are many who believe in this, there are many who enact these virtues daily, for every ideal, there were people who failed those ideals, perhaps it was those who failed that saw themselves written in history, but that does not make it right, and it does not blanket what I see as chivalry. Honor is the gift you give yourself, chivalry is sharing that gift with others. You are jaded, for your own reasons, but please do not grant such an open and closed opinion about it's history, without at least trying to see that there are those out there who live these codes to the best of our ability, and try to overcome the negative nomenclentures that the actions of men have created for us. There are knights among you, though their armor is different in this time.. and they are sometimes very hard to spot. Throwing your hands to the sky and deciding that because you have not experienced chivalry personally, that it does not exist is unfounded, and unfortunate. I charge you to look deeper.. and see the armor they wear, because they are not broadcasting themselves...Chivalry is NOT dead.. they are regrouping. Honor above all, Ronin

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Maybe love is not out there for me ? Posted: 6/20/2009 12:43:52 AM
While it's true there are men who are here only looking to get some I'd appreciate it if you didn't shove every man here into that catagory because it's just plain wrong. I know right? Some of us are actually here for something relatively good and true.. be it friends, dating or what have you.. Problem is.. most of the women who cry and whine about wanting a good sensitive loving man fail to make sure to add "fit and good looking' to that little want... If you don't have the body of a greek god, or something close to it.. you get the nose. Sure.. i'm sure some don't do that, but more oftan than not, they have criteria that just doesn't fit reality.. gonna have to settle on some things, and 9 out of 10 times they'll give on something else and not sacrifice the 'hot' factor.. We're all guilty of it.. we're all visual creatures first, no matter how you play it.. This is the perfect place to see the truth in it...

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Dazed, Confused, Used and Played like a fine violin! Posted: 6/19/2009 9:28:59 AM
allright allright.. So the pep talk wasn't that great.. my real point is.. stay good man..

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Promised to call. Didn't But checked POF mail HELP PLS Posted: 6/19/2009 9:25:57 AM
Eh.. scratch that last.. I just read your profile.. I think you pretty much laid it all out there with a a howitzer, and I think you made your point.... So yeah.. Happy Hunting..

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Promised to call. Didn't But checked POF mail HELP PLS Posted: 6/19/2009 9:21:11 AM
(Disclaimer) Honest opinion, because you asked for it, I will be as respectful and tactful as I can (End Disclaimer) First of all, if you were waiting by the phone, and losing your whole day waiting for this guy to call, then you are probably not going in the right direction, and should not depend on anyone but yourself.. take him or leave him, but don't hang your days on a guys movements and actions, you will be disappointed every time. If he checked his mail but didn't call you, It would have been better to give him a day or so before you Got onto him.. only because that way you can say you didn't get a call in two days.. not 'I saw you check your POF mail online, and you didn't call me'.. .that screams stage 5 Clinger, Control freak, and kind of creepy.. like you were monitoring his every move.. (he SHOULD have called you, I am saying that plainly, this is just observation based on your story.) If you two talked all the time, and last night was your first night together overnight.. if you were intimate, and he didn't call you back.. well.. I guess he got what he wanted out of you, and you know what category he falls in. I"m of the beliefe it's the last one if he 'chose' not to call you.. Sadly. be careful who you give yourself to.. and like all the other women here, put it plain and up front that you are not casual, and if you're looking for casual, look somewhere else..

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

how do you stop mising some one that never existed? Posted: 6/19/2009 9:06:23 AM
I'm 35, wife was 24, she left.. I miss her, I love her, I hate her, I want to shake my fist at her for all the pain she causes me, I want to hold her to me and listen to her tell me she's sorry and wants me back, I want her so far from me that I never utter her name from my lips, or hear her voice again.. You hold on to your good memories. Allow yourself time to heal, find other things to focus on and don't dwell. You will get through it.. Everyone does. Find female friends to spend time with, and don't focus on your loss.. theory collides with reality when the rubber meets the pavement... Easier said I know.. I wish I had something better to offer.. your pain is your own, and you are the only one who can master it.. Like bad Taco Bell, this too shall pass... Ronin

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Dazed, Confused, Used and Played like a fine violin! Posted: 6/19/2009 9:00:13 AM
YAY!! I finally figured out why I couldn't post! snoopy dance Dude.. I'm just amazed at this place and the stories.. Sorry she took you.. at least she didn't take you all the way.. You want to help people, and you can't help yourself, and you do it knowing they are failing you, and you want to believe in them just a little.. you want them to prove you wrong, that your instincts are telling you she's lying.. You will do it again, though you say you wont. It's alright man.. seriously.. You learned something from this.. 'mind ninjas' tend to use the same canned excuses and responses when they are lying.. you may notice them next time and just tell them you wish you could help.. but don't beat yourself for showing kindness and goodness to someone.. it does not pay off now, but it will.. if nothing else, it's like giving money to a bum.. the act of kindness is YOURS and nobody can take it away.. not even if the guy goes and buys beer.. your act was kind, what they choose to do with that kindness is up to them.. you sound like a good man.. polish your armor, put it back on and learn to dodge the harley, drop your shield arm, and swing upwards toward the middle of the head. Bad boys are just that.. BAD. Knights are stronger and BETTER than a bad boy.. because they have everything that a bad boy has, and more if the maiden be right... Never fear the enemy's blade, and never stop fighting the good fight.

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Emotionally unstable partner: how to deal? Posted: 6/15/2009 11:36:14 PM
Yeah, be careful, unstable types are just as sensitive as the normals.. ;) because of your profession, you will tend towards overanalyzing and diagnosis more oftan than you will ever realize.. if he's depressed, and feeling moody, make sure that he at least gives you a warning like 'i'm feeling really aggressive today' and let him see and understand that you are willing to help him through it, without holding him up.. help him learn to hold himself up so you aren't taxed.. as long as he communicates with you, and you don't treat him like a short bus kid, you guys can be just fine.. these things can be overcome if both of you are just that retarded for each other.. sometimes, the best thing to do is help him understand that he is not alone, he is with someone who cares about him and his well being, he CAN and will get through it, and he will feel better about himself, and begin finding ways of dealing with his mood swings.. chances are, his self esteem is low, or has high stress factors as well.. just soothe and nurture, but don't fall into it with him.. you will have to know when to stop and let him stand on his own. He can suck you right in with him, and then the tradeoff begins, and usually does not end well after that.. you have the tools.. your love and affection. Use them.. show him how to counteract himself in positive ways.. He'll thank you later. (In theory)

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 220 (view)

Nice guys finish last is a sad truth... Posted: 6/15/2009 10:50:34 PM
Sad to say, but seemingly the man who cares the least gets the attentions. Crawl up their butts, treat them like princesses, give them everything they SAY they want, and you lose their respect. You think that's what you're supposed to do, but it only makes you weak in their eyes and you get a one way ticket to doormatville. You're smothering and overbearing, and suddenly you are taking up 'their' space.. If you are assertive, maybe less sensitive, strong and independant, and don't cater to their every need, they suddenly become riddled with all kinds of dissatisfactions, become resentful, and then they blame you for making them cheat on you. You weren't romantic enough, you weren't there to listen to them blather on about katie somethingorother who's mom stubbed her toe and fell into a refridgerator while texting to her brother's sister's cousin... Human nature is not about the catch.. It is about the hunt. They only want what is unattainable while it is unattainable. Once they get it, the hunt is over, and now 'routine' sets in, things get boring, and they go find something to hunt that is more of a challenge. You lose either way. Maybe you treat them like cats.. (epiphany) Hide their food bowl once in a while.. challenge them with the unknown and keep them on their toes. dangle things in their face to keep their attention, and once in a while ignore them completely, then turn around and do something nice for them... keep them hunting and just never show them your whole hand. I don't know fellas.. I'm out of airspeed and ideas anymore.. Women want what they can't have, pine for what they won't tell you they want, Say the opposite of what they need, and believe you are supposed to just know what they want, and then punish you for not doing it.. God forbid they should actually try to throw a bone now and again.. All the while, the good guys who come home sober, work, pay bills, and actually give two shits in hell's armpit how they feel, just get thrown out like trash. Usually for your best friend. (yup...you're right) You are either smothering her, or not paying enough attention.. there has NEVER been a middle ground that I have seen. Losing battle. With plenty more to come.

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Lying on your profile...ndot really divorced!! Posted: 6/15/2009 10:17:29 PM
He should have told you in the beginning, you're right.. Try not to become too bitter too quickly.. I would imagine you did not expect this one to be 'the one'... just be aware and ask the right questions before the date. I have found that there are alot of people here that aren't exactly who or what they say they are.. it does tend to be taxing, when you are looking for truth, but I can see how easily people here can become bitter and cynical.. some of us are already there, you seem like a nice enough gal and trusting.. learning experiences.. It does however give me pause, as I am not divorced on paper yet, but have moved out and living with roommates, as I await the paperwork. In my heart, and mind, I am not married anymore, and would not want to misrepresent myself here as anything else, especially if it makes me look like a douchebag for it. Reading this forum will ultimately cause me to blurt it out as the first thing I say to someone should they actually message me with a desire to get to know me and go hang out or something... Humbly Ronin

Joined: 5/27/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

need some advise Posted: 6/1/2009 8:39:11 PM
Many women do not feel comfortable expressing public displays of affection at their workplace, especially with co workers present. I would suggest asking her if that was the reason, and if she says that's it, I'd drop it.. if it should repeat in a social environment, then I'd question a little more seriously. All in all, be aware of the situation, but don't dwell on it, it will only make you think long and hard enough on it that you will ultimately push the situation into whatever it is you believe you are seeing or experiencing. Respectfully, Ronin

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