This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 97 (view)

This is a loaded question but alot of people wonder about this Posted: 7/18/2009 8:59:14 AM
No one ever said that this was limited to male predators. It's not unheard of for the female to be the agressor as well. It's just less common, and less documented. Still happens, unfortunately.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Furry People..the ones wearing animal costumes Posted: 7/14/2009 12:42:37 AM
sigh Again with furries? Yeesh, there's been enough topics on us as it is. Alright. First off, there's a difference between furries and those who do the whole kit & kaboddle and hop into a fursuit for intimacy. Furries are people who see themselves as taking on animal like traits during their regular lives. (And yes, that includes the bedroom.) Fursuit donners are like us, but take the thing a WEE bit farther. And you'll hardly ever see the fursuits outside the bedroom, unless they're off to something like a convention or expo. Truth be told, most people do have aspects of a furry persona. Wether or not they're pervasive enough to have the person identify as a furry is entirely up to question. It depends on the person. I do wish people would stop getting us confused with eachother though. Get's annoying after a while.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 67 (view)

Anal Sex...he wants it, but I'm scared to try Posted: 7/14/2009 12:29:03 AM
It's not so bad. I mean, sure, I'm a little biased, but it's not really the big deal that some people make it out to be. I would say to stay away from Anal-Eze and such other numbing lubricants. Sure, it helps with pain, but it really depends on your pain threshold when you decide how much lube you need. And that numbing stuff should be a last resort, for several reasons. #1: Pain is a GOOD thing in this case. It tells you if you're actually getting hurt, and if it's something that's more serious than discomfort. Serious injuries have come about where people couldn't feel that they were getting hurt because of that stuff. Trust me, I would know. #2: I'm not sure how it is for women, but do you really want to miss out on that feeling? Believe it or not, gay guys like it for a reason. Might be an anatomy difference that I don't know about. I don't know. Look it up. I'm sure it's an interesting read either way. I would say force him to wear a condom (Yeah, it DOES help, a lot) and to go slow. You don't have to take months to work up to that point, but I would say you shouldn't go all the way willy nilly in one night. If you're having sex with him regularly, integrate anal play (for and by BOTH parties) into your forplay, and gradually, not quickly, explore and overstep your boundaries over the course of a week or two. Quite honestly, you've known him a while, so there's no hurry, and I'm sure he'd much appreciate any concerns you've got, so voice them if they come up. If he wants it, and he really cares about you, then it'll be his top priority to put you at ease, both to make you happy, and to progress to something he wants. Another thing. I said both parties should partake for a reason. I honestly believe he's missing out, but that's not why. It has to do with what other people have said here about mutual progress. He has to understand what's going on for you, and the best way is for him to get an understanding, even if it's only limited, of what it's going to be like for you. Obviously, don't be abusive to him or anything. You may have completely different boundaries, but you need to see what they are to garner a more complete understanding for eachothers benefit about what each is going through in that type of sex. I hope this helps. Let me know if you have any specific questions. I'll see what I can do to help you up to it.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Lovemaking and Romance Posted: 7/10/2009 7:19:49 PM
Odd, I've never come across a guy who HAS been able to change it up. Must be rarer than they first appear.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 45 (view)

Animal Refrences! Posted: 7/6/2009 9:13:19 PM
[quote="Vapeninsula"] Beatings and torture???? Yeah. Wish I could say I was exagerating, but I'm not. The years leading up to Stonewall were full of beatings, abuse and blackmail. A lot of that is still around. People still get murdered every year because they're gay, and for no other reason. Countries around the world still sanction their execution. I'm apalled that ICQRucking2 would even attempt to draw a parallel. People killing off people is on a completely different plain than animal mistreatment. The saying is true. Society has first to be able to survive, with food, shelter, water, and stop killing itself off before it can expand to more expressive avenues, like art, and the animal rights movement. I don't think we're past the cohabitation bit yet, by far.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Is it okay for your girlfriend to go to the gym and workout with their ex? Posted: 7/6/2009 9:02:19 PM
Whoah.... Let's put the brakes on here, shall we? First of all, when I broke up with him, I didn't cast him as a total idiot, and blame him for everything. Fault occurs on both sides when something falls apart in almost all cases. There's no point to assigning blame to someone, just to make yourself feel better. Admit the fault with yourself, and see what you could have done differently, and I've typically find that I can remain great friends with them, with no romantic attraction there in the least. I view it as not assigning all the fault to yourself (that's completely unhealthy) but to do a frank, and attemptively unbiased assessment of a situation never hurts. Burning a bridge never helps. SmellSealsTheDeal: Yeah, my ex actually WAS pretty smokin' hawt, and that hasn't changed, but there's no emotional connection there anymore. Why is it so unnacceptable to so many people that we remain friends? We hang out, talk, and do all that sort of stuff, same as any of my regular friends, and that's all there is. (And no, we're not FWB either.) I even made specific note of the fact that we've grown apart over time. And I'm rather puzzled as to how one can possibly draw conclusions about the physical appearances of my ex without having met him, to be honest with you. ~GoneSailing~: Same thing with the conviction without knowing either party involved. Where does it come from? No I'm not a woman, but gee whiz, the gay community isn't stereotypically well known for it's chastity! (or for it's masculinity either, now that I think about it ) I've seen cheaters, and I know them when I see them. But I typically need to see BOTH sides of a story before coming to a conclusion, and meet BOTH parites to see what's going on. That's why I keep my posts around here in the supposative tense, (Perhaps this is the case, this might mean this and, so on) rather than the accusatory or convictive. (This is the way it is, it's obvious this is the case ,and the like)

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 41 (view)

Animal Refrences! Posted: 7/6/2009 8:15:16 PM
^^^I feel the same way about the gay community......^^^^ Bringing in a completely separate idea now, are you? Well, you put yourself out there, and I can only oblige... You tell me where you get off putting me, my friends, and every single last gay, lesbian, bi, transgendered, and otherwise queer person on the same level as ANY animal. The gay community has had to endure years of bashings, abuse and mistreatment at the hands of biggotted human beings such as yourself. We are humans, too. Tell me where it's unacceptable to protest against the beating and killing of human beings, for no other reason than their sexuality. Go ahead and TRY to justify cases like the Aaron Webster killing in Vancouver, and Matthew Shepherd slaughter in Laramie, the later who was tied to a chain link fence, and savagely beaten for hours after being lured by two 'gay' guys to go for a ride with them. He was unrecognisable after someone found his body. Attempt to justify the execution of people in countries for their being 'different'. Have a go at rationalising the number of youth suicides because of societal pressures that still exist over being gay. I DARE you to try and make a case where people enduring abuse, equivalent torture, and mindless violence are even REMOTELY on par with associating stereotypical animal traits with human behaviour. Tell me, please, where you think that beatings and torture like this are acceptable in todays society. When we kill animals, we tend to eat them, in the vast majority of cases. I'm completely opposed to instances where someone shoots a dog between the eyes because it bothered them, to cases where someone drowned kittens because they didn't want them, to animal safari's in Africa for trophies. I do not, however have any objection to the facilitation of a diet of both meat and greenery where animals are raised for slaughter. They go to use. They are killed FOR CAUSE. Heck, even the seal hunt in Canada's Arctic is justfiable in comparison because the corpses are not just left there to rot. Companies who practice this have continually gotten more humane in their practices, and continue to make strides to improve conditions, despite cries to the contrary. You dare try to cross anyone with something they can't change in an argument, you're going to get burned. You can quit PETA. I can't quit being gay. To bring it up in a post where I made no mention of my sexuality whatsoever due to my deeming it irrelevant only underlines your desperado tactics to draw attention to yourself. The gay community does not draw attention to itself for the glory of the limelight. We don't hold pride parades in major cities every year just to party. There are no intentions of making a scene for the sake of attention alone. Rallies are not organised to secure a place in the papers to brag. We are real people, advocating for ourselves, because no one else will. I am PROUD of who I am, and the history behind the community in what we have fought for, and struggled against. We are not a minority cause out in left field. We are 10% of the global population, persecuted damn near everywhere for liking members of the same sex. Nevermind the commonalities that we share as a collective group of human beings. I will not stand for an animal rights activist to question and cast as meaningless the past 60 years of our collective history. Attempt to do so again, and I won't be near so kind.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Is it okay for your girlfriend to go to the gym and workout with their ex? Posted: 7/6/2009 7:36:13 PM
Wow. Pretty harsh comments here from the majority of you. Some of them are downright wrong, such as HAVING to cut off contact with an ex. That's rediculous. I'm great friends with my ex, and though we've grown apart, we still talk to eachother. For goodness sake, what's with all the paranoia around here?

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Is it okay for your girlfriend to go to the gym and workout with their ex? Posted: 7/6/2009 7:24:38 PM
Honestly? I think you're being paranoid. If she's going to the gym with her ex, why on EARTH would you assume that they're up to no good? He's her ex for a REASON most likely, and it's not unheard of for ex's to remain good friends, and to still do stuff together, for whatever reason. I think you need to take a step back and look at yourself here, because she doesn't look like the problem. Another thing. If the above is true, I would venture to say that it's a possibility that her story keeps evolving because she's uncomfortable with your insecurity. I think that it's something you need to address. Don't pull an accusatory stance, and first look at all facets of the situation to see if it warrents attention. Make an effort to MEET this ex, and put yourself on good terms with them. Avoid at all costs the appearance that you're checking up on them. That shouldn't be your motive at all. A night out with all three of you having an honest to goodness great time would go a long way on behalf of all three of you. Again though, as the song goes: "Before you 'cuse me, take a look at yourself"

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 66 (view)

Do Straight Males Need/Enjoy Having Their Prostate Stimulated? Posted: 7/2/2009 7:51:23 PM
Well, I can't say for straight guys, seeing as I'm gay... But either way, it's a great experience. I don't think it's one of those "don't knock until you try" type things though, because I know it's something that actually scares a lot of people. There's no reason to pressure a guy, gay, straight or otherwise into trying it. I really think it has to be up to them. Let them persuade themselves, and see where it goes from there.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 31 (view)

Animal Refrences! Posted: 7/2/2009 7:35:01 PM
Oh no...thats fine,non human animals exploiting each other for self gratifying purposes is fine ...just not us. Allow me to be the first to say that your concepts are completely absurd. As a furry, I'll tell you here and now that you're out of line. I too see the importance of keeping animals out of harms way, but your argument is self defeating. You clearly maintain the standpoint in your original post that the reputation of the animals is something which matters, both to them, and to us as people. And yet you nicely contradict yourself by saying that they don't care in your quoted post. Which is it? I have full and complete confidence that causes such as PETA would be better served without the majority of the membership being active. Ludicrous stunts, attention grabbing ploys, and minority causes far out in left field are drawing criticism to you and hampering your ability to do anything aside from adding copious amouts of hot air to an overheating climate. Bravo. Seriously. There is no detraction or harm coming to an animal, person, object (or any other noun for that matter) which can understand little more than its current state of self with our connotations that we have drawn. Point me to one instance of species which can understand more than this, and is both mentally and physically capable of taking offence to our fun and games, and I'll immediately retract my statement in the face of verifiable truth. Until you can do that however, I'm in favor of the status quo. Political correctness has it's place. Pointless and idiodic endeavors, not so much. I'm sad to say that I've likely given you exactly what you were after, but we'll soon see.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love? Posted: 7/1/2009 1:21:07 PM
The only thing that I actually want for a guy is for him to not waste his time. I'm not going to go about and expect him to waste mine, and have him sink the emotional effort into me to find out eventually that it was never going to go anywhere. It's always about respect, treating others as you would like to be treated, with kindness, in a direct and forward manner. That kind of behaviour builds a strong relationship, be it a friendship, or something more. So I think you ought to tell her, just out of respect for her. It may be completely devastating, who knows. I don't think there's any accurate way to predict the outcome in this case. You have to do the noble thing, and see where it goes from there. You can't rely on anyone to do the right thing FOR you.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

is it ok to continue a relationship when i know i don't love? Posted: 7/1/2009 12:51:52 PM
I don't. I've never met the right person yet, and I can always tell after about 3 dates if it's going to go anywhere, on my side at least. I don't drag things on. I know my way's not the best way, but I find that it allows the other person to move on too, to find something that might be better for him. It's the least I can do. He's looking for the same things I am, and if he's not doing it for me, then I'm likely not doing it for him. It sounds so brash, but it really is like that.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

What is your number one fantasy? Posted: 7/1/2009 12:20:53 PM
I don't know, but for some reason, mine's pretty clean. It's always been to kiss my man under a Narnia-esque lampost in a gently falling cloud of snow. Another was to have sex in my car during a snowfall, parked on the side of a dimly lit street. Just so you could see the flakes coming down, and have nothing but the quiet, and us two holding eachother. And falling alseep together under a blanket. That's way up there.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Gay Stereotypes Posted: 6/29/2009 8:14:36 PM
I don't like any of the gay stereotypes. I don't like any of the gay stereotypes.[ brownlady1953, It's honestly not about liking or disliking them. It's about looking at the stereotypes and seeing how much truth there is to them. Your views about it being because of being a persecuted minority intrigues me though. Could you elaborate?

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Bi-Sexuality / Women Posted: 6/29/2009 8:10:40 PM
the thing i don't understand is people who think their sexual preferences must be accepted by the public and ...these are personal preferences and they don't need to be public knowledge. there should be no expectation of public acceptance. Edited for brevity, kept in context. See, there's a twofold problem with what you just said there. First, by people staying in the closet, the public assumes that they're straight. By default, that's just the way things are. Coming out is essentially setting the record straight on a set issue. Disproving the assumption. As soon as people stop assuming that everyone's straight until they suggest, prove or admit otherwise, then there'll be no more need for the process of coming out. Ignorance of a problem is not a solution. Saying something's not there, and saying that something doesn't exist is detrimental to the individual who doesn't fit into the societal mold. It makes the problem worse. "I don't fit, is there something wrong with me?" and such questions arise, and are none too healthy for a person's mental or physical health. The root of the problem is that straight people are accepted without question for two reasons. One, it's the societal norm. And two, straights are the majority. There's the expectation of being accepted into straight society on those grounds alone, but what about everyone else? They don't meet the norm so they're justifiably expelled? Poppycock. 2. There are differences between embracing, tolerating, accepting and ignoring. Each of those words can often be used interchangably, but not synonymously. Being accepting of someone doesn't mean that you embrace the persons sexuality, but indicates a net neutrality towards it instead, treating it more as "it's there, so what?" You could have been trying to get across the idea more associated with embracing something, rather than accepting it as it is. Not accepting someone or something is refusing to admit what actually is. If a person is gay, then you have little reasonable choice but to accept it. To deny it would be simply absurd, seeing as you cannot affect a state over someone (despite some people's efforts to the contrary) and just live with it. Cut off contact, bring them closer as a friend, have nothing happen or what have you, but you can't decide for someone wether or not they're gay. It's like telling a person that they're wearing a green shirt when they're actually wearing a shock pink top. You can't change that state, so you MUST accept it. The next step is to tolerate it. It is one thing to accept something as a fact, but to be alright with it is another entirely. You don't HAVE to tolerate anything, but why not? If you don't like it, then all you're doing is driving away perfectly fine people for no other reason than for the fact that they are different from you in some way or another. Once again, it's like saying "I don't like people with big feet." It becomes the determinant factor in whether you will or will not get along with someone. To tolerate it doesn't mean that 'Oh, I wish I had big feet too' It means that it doesn't matter in any relationship you have with that person in any capacity. Tolerance is all about making the issue a nonissue. Where you go from there is up to you. But to ask that society say "it doesn't matter if someone's queer" is FAR different than to say that society must embrace the gay lifestyle and everything associated with it. In fact, not all gay people stick to the traditional lifestyle that we've come to be associated with. Thats why I started a thread on gay stereotypes, to see how true a lot of them are, and to see how accurately people's ideas reflect reality. I hate to plug my own thread here, but it's relevance is immesurable. Tolerance doesn't affect 90% of the populace, and makes a world of difference to the other 10% who constantly feel that they're under threat for being who they are. It's benefits are not limited to the arena of sexuality. Ethinic divides, mental states, and various other situations already draw on it. And what ill effect has come from it? Gay people do not want to be embraced by the straight community. We want to be accepted. If people say that there's a hidden agenda in place, then that's it. Out there for all to see. If people want to go around twisting words, go right on ahead. You're not going to find a happy response from your audience when you lie, and you're not going to be well liked by those you misrepresented either. Where does the perpetrator win? Does sexuality define who I am? Yes, to an extent. But it's not the be all and end all drive behind everything I do. Same with straight people, when you actually look at it. Tolerance leads to the removal of mindless violence towards people for who they are. And I don't think that's an out of line request at all.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Gay Stereotypes Posted: 6/29/2009 5:57:08 PM
Ok... I've got a lot of questions and statements to address. Lets start with the quoted post. OutMind, I can't say for EVERYONE what the case is, but I do know that group mentality is a powerful social force. I'm not the most womanly guy out there, but when I'm with a bunch of other people who come across rather camp, it does tend to have an influence on my behavior. I think it's easily comperable to when straight guys are camped out around a fire. Each one tries to one up the other, and it results in an escalation. Same sort of principle. Getting back on topic to your question, I would say that it depends on the individual. I know very few guys with the tell-tail lisp who have it with them wherever they go, but a LOT of them can put it on if they're looking to 'gay it up' or such. It goes hand in hand with my belief that people cannot be whitewashed one way or another. (Which is the point of this thread) One person mentioned that all gay people are born the way they are. Proven wrong here and now. I don't believe that I was born gay, nor that it was a concious choice that I made. I had a predisposition to guys, yes, and eventually went one way instead of the other. I firmly believe that I was a blank slate, which is why I didn't gravitate one way or another for much of my life. Of course, once you write on a slate, it's no longer blank, so you take the markings with you and move on. I don't wish it were the other way around. If I wanted to be straight, I'm sure I could be, but I don't want to, and that's 75% of the case right there. Of course, none of this would have any bearing on anyone else. It's case by case basis. Some people ARE born gay. Others make a choice. Still others fall into categories like mine. I know people from all sides. And I also know that a lot of the people who consider it a choice/mindset often answer that they DON'Ta have a choice for various reasons. One being the fear of breaking the so called 'unified front' that it isn't a choice to begin with. They fear being villified by both their brethren and their detractors. It's rather similar to the case of when unions have a strike vote and walk off the job. They present a unified front, not because they agree with it, but because they feel that they're obligated to. Hardly any strike vote is unanimous, but you will likely NEVER witness dissension on the picket lines. People who do step out are immediately disowned by the union members, but the company/employer won't welcome them any more than a union rep because they're still part of the whole that opposes their views. Another person mentioned workaholism. I fall into that one, but I don't drink at all, and I tend to be overly stingy with my money. But still feel like I spend too much... Anyways, thats all for now. Keep 'em coming!

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Gay Stereotypes Posted: 6/28/2009 11:03:25 PM
The lisp thing is something that I've gotten before, and yeah, it's something you can put into your speech patterns depending on wether you want to or not. Some people can't turn it off, rather like an accent, whilist others can. It truely depends on the individual in question. The PITCH of the voice though, that one can give away a guy about 80% of the time. The exceptions to that would be the guys with deep voices, obviously, but the vast majority you can tell via the pitch. Someone suggested that I'm doing this out of spite, or because I hate the stereotypes as they stand. Nothing of the sort. I didn't have a tough time coming out, and don't spend a lot of time around hardly anyone who passes these things along, so I don't know all of the ones out there. Hence my citing an example from what I saw here on POF, rather than something from my personal experiences. This is a mutual learning opprotunity, both for me, and for the people who post things that add to the discussion. It's about awareness for all of us to see if there's more than a little truth to the suggestions out there. Of course I can't and won't speak for anyone but myself, but it's interesting to look at things that you all say and see if 'yeah that applies to me' or 'no, that doesn't fit at all'. More of a curious experiment than anything else. to averageguy340 - I have to say that I really don't come across people with your respectability who hold your views very often. Thank you for making your opinion known, but not going into offensive detail. A true mark of character.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Gay Stereotypes Posted: 6/28/2009 4:59:43 PM
So, being gay myself, I've heard quite a few. The question I have for everyone here is how much truth can be lent to the myths that have worked their way between the facts. For instance, one of the most common ones I've seen from browsing the past few pages of the forum posts on POF is that all/most gay guys like it up the rear. True? Not so much. There's the TBV system in place for a reason, and it works pretty well. Not everyone's a Versatile person, or an outright Bottom, despite what appears to be a general consensus to the contrary. So have at it. What are the gay stereotypes that you've heard floating around? And what do you think of them? Is there any truth to them that you've personally seen, or are there exceptions to them that you may not have considered before? If you could, withold third party speculations such as "Well, a gay friend of a friend of mine..." and stick to personal observations and instances. It helps to both keep the thread on topic, and to keep a degree of reliability to the truth of what you have to say.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 50 (view)

Bi-sexuality..... Posted: 6/2/2009 7:49:07 PM
First of all, by your own admission, you're not Bi. You don't get emotionally attached to women, so you're a straight woman who certainly enjoys some aspects of a womans company. Bi people are those who can / do see themselves with either gender in a relationship. It has nothing to do with sex. I'm gay, not because I screw guys, but because I see myself spending the rest of my life with a man, not a woman. If I was to go and have sex with a variety of women (ick) I would still be gay because I'm emotionally attracted to guys. That's just the way it is. Is there anything wrong with having no sex preferance? No. But it doesn't entitle you to call yourself Bi. Back on topic though, I would say that you need to really need to have it depend on the guy you decide to date. Not everyone will take something like that lightly, such as some highly religious people. I would say it depends entirely on how he feels about the subject. Ask a few feeler questions, and go from there.

Ken D. Caines

Joined: 5/28/2009

Msg: 2301 (view)

Has anyone been brave enough to meet someone with no pic at all? Posted: 6/2/2009 7:13:30 PM
Well, I've met a few guys with no pics. But you know what? Be careful about it. I'm very good at being inconspicuous in a corner, and I'll text to tell them to stand somewhere where I can 'go meet them' and stake out a place to have a look at them first. If they've not been honest (and it happens, I've gotten a few Daddies) then I'll simply keep moving around, and texting them about how I 'didn't see them' and force them to come clean. And even then, I'm not having anything to do with them. People never realise how much power they have over a situation. Always take initiative to go about and look first, meet second. And above all, stay out of sight. A balcony works great.

Show ALL Forums