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 Author Thread: Making assumptions about girls over 30
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/5/2009 12:36:12 AM

"This one is Bobbi Jane. Look how big she is after only 3 weeks on the vine!"


LOVE it!!!
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 193 (view)
 
KILTS...Would you wear one? Date someone who did?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:58:13 PM
NO I would not date a guy who wears a skirt. That's icky. He can name his skirt "Kilt" he can name his skirt "Bob" or anything he wants. I'm not dating a man who wears a skirt! Ewww.

(And I'm part Scottish, too!)
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:41:22 PM

I have gone a step further and done the "cat pics" to equal or out do their "kid pics".


haha good idea evillolli I don't have any pets but i think I'll start bringing in pictures of my houseplants:

"...and this is my PeaceLily, just a day before Easter. Look at how shiny her leaves are getting...."
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Deceptive profile text
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:36:57 PM
"must be open-minded" almost always means "Must be willing to fall on your back on date one."


Haha, either that, or "must be willing to deal with my other three girlfriends, wife, lack of job or car, drug habit, etc..."
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Deceptive profile text
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:06:51 PM
...oh, boy....



 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 101 (view)
 
Can you date a feminine guy?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:04:42 PM

It depends on what you mean by "feminine".
If you mean he's like JD from Scrubs - no problem.
If he's like Lyle the Effeminate Heterosexual then no.


^^^^^^^^Yes, I agree with above. ^^^^^^^^
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 100 (view)
 
Can you date a feminine guy?
Posted: 7/4/2009 10:02:39 PM
No, I pretty much don't like effeminite qualities in a man to include tweezed eyebrows, hairspray, being overly-sensitive emotionally, getting all gushy over children, babies, or puppies, crying at movies, etc. None of this appeals to me. Sorry if that's you but it just doesn't do it for me. I like a man to be manly. If he had maybe a minor trait or two that was a little feminine I might overlook it but it depends.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Deceptive profile text
Posted: 7/4/2009 9:54:25 PM

In my case, since I immediately clarify that I am not in fact divorced, with an explanation as to why I state I am, that's more like a "bait and switch" as compared to someone that deceives through their profile, and possibly through subsequent emails and texts, right up to the first meeting when the scam finally unravels.


lmao... that was funnnnny!!

Yep, idoc steve, you're right. You're not like THEM at all. Your reasoning for deception is far more intelligent and full of integrity. I don't know why that's not obvious at first glance.

 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Making assumptions about girls over 30
Posted: 7/4/2009 7:20:52 PM
OP, yes I've had similar experiences. Yes it's the norm for girls (and guys) over 30 to be married I suppose, however the fact is that I'm not, and it can be a bit intrusive when people, especially people you don't know very well, or see very often, ask "Why". I mean does it really matter why? It seems like asking a single person why they're still single, is a manipulative way of putting the askee on the defensive. It's not a very considerate question, in my opinion. No one should have to explain (defend) to someone they don't know very well "Why" they're living the lifestyle they're living, especially when it may be quite a personal situation.

For instance I'm sure people would know better than to ask someone "Why are you, a black person, married to a white person (or vice-versa)?" Or, "Why are you gay?" Those lifestyles are also not 'the norm' or what we most often see, but is it really anyone's business "Why" they've made the life choices they've made? No. It's their own business.

Next time some married person asks that you could give them a taste of their own medicine and ask why they and their spouse chose to settle for each other, or was that the best either could get?
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
A dating site devoted to not hooking up
Posted: 7/4/2009 2:30:40 PM

I think everyone is tired of meeting people who turn out to "not be ready". I certainly don't expect every woman I meet for dating to be ready to hop into bed with me, but I'm also not going to waste my time with one who is positively not going to. That's what my guy friends are for.


Exactly how many minutes after you've met the woman do you become exasperated with her not being ready? How many non-sexual dates is too much time to invest into someone who may have otherwise had sex with you had you not been obvious about your desire for instant gratification? One date? Three?
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Deceptive profile text
Posted: 7/4/2009 1:55:53 PM
idoc steve: "You sound bitter. Try not to be. Online dating takes time. So what you've been on this board 10 years and haven't gotten a date...hang in there. Maybe you just need a better attitude."

the post you were referring to didn't sound any more bitter than any of the others (especially your own...), so why such a vehement response? Strike a chord did it? Their attitude didn't sound bad to me. Most people would be put off if someone claimed to be divorced and really weren't, and false claims is what is being asked for...isn't it?
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
A dating site devoted to not hooking up
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:54:30 PM
"Put like that, it sounds like rape...sex is usually consensual..."

Good Gawwd!! Why in the heck would you assume "RAPE" !?! Don't know where you got that from.. Who said it wasn't consensual usage? No one!

And to thinkalot, I made it all the way to 'you don't know me well enough bla bla..' and then I fell asleep. Sorry.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
A dating site devoted to not hooking up
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:15:12 PM
HEAM, I don't think anyone's implying that dating should never lead to sex, but more that she'd like it if guys wanted to actually date, rather than skip that step and go directly to sex and never to dating.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
A dating site devoted to not hooking up
Posted: 7/4/2009 12:12:19 PM
Sorry you're offended by the truth thinkalot, but if he wants to meet her and doesn't want any type of relationship with her other than sex, then it means he doesn't like her much, and just wants to use her vagina for a few minutes when it's convenient for him so he doesn't have to pay for a prostitute, until such time as he meets a woman he thinks is attractive enough to want to be seen out in public with. Now you can sugar coat that fact as much as you want and look at it through whatever-colored glasses makes you feel comfortable. But I'm going to go ahead and continue dealing with reality.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
A dating site devoted to not hooking up
Posted: 7/4/2009 11:42:35 AM
No matter what you put it won't work! Yeah I've had guys, especially younger guys, try similar with me when we're just in the email phase. It's funny because most of them are not that hot, but they must think they're 'all that', and how could I possibly pass up a chance to get boned by them? lol, yes I can easily pass that up. I'll say something tongue-in-cheek like, "Thanks for the offer, I'm very flattered, but I think I'll have to reluctantly pass that up. Good luck to you though!"

In the future when a guy says up front he's not looking for anything serious with you, or something similar, that does mean that he wants to have sex with you, and not have to deal with dating you, because he doesn't like you enough to do so. It's not a compliment. He already has buddies and that's not what he wants from you. Since you're not into just sex, don't go meet guys like that. Cut it off right there. He doesn't like you that way, he just wants to get sex from you til he meets a woman he thinks is pretty enough to commit to.

They try it with multiple women, and the reason they do, is that some women who don't get much attention from men are so flattered they actually go meet the guy and have sex with him. Heck at least prostitutes are smart enough to charge for it.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
A horse walks into a bar...the bartender looks at it and asks...
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:35:35 PM

They do this mainly because they are trying to get your attention. Basically its for one of two reasons: (1.) Your (In their mind) the weakest animal in the pack and possibly easy picking. (2.) Their kinda of shy and not confident at striking up conversation so take a mad notion to burst into someones space with something that might get a reaction (but 9 of 10 times its the wrong reaction).


Yes it's pretty obvious they are trying (unsuccessfully) to hit on us and that's why they do that.

Go figure that a complete stranger walking up to us out of the blue, and telling us that they don't like our facial expression, or that they assume we're in a bad mood, isn't a really great ice-breaker!

In other breaking news, when we were little girls on the playground, we didn't like the boys who came up behind us and yanked on our pigtails, either!
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 209 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:26:07 PM
Barbidahl:
There have been a variety of reactions to this thread and many of them quite divergent. One thing that kind of bothers me is that people have been pretty “creative” and have used a lot of license when it comes to what OP ACTUALLY wrote. I think it would be good to stick to the text of what OP originally wrote.

Some have said, “Well maybe he ran into the second gal at the concert.” How can that be when OP wrote that he told her that the second gal suggested they go to the concert. Not that I believe that’s what really happened…but it pays to read the original post carefully and stick to the text.

Some have said…well they only had ONE date. True enough but there was a subsequent date already scheduled as of Friday night for Sunday.

One could ask, “Well why did OP even mention to the concert to the man she had dated on Friday?” Her wording was that the concerts happen EVERY Saturday. Even though she was already scheduled to go with friends, perhaps she was suggesting that they go as a couple on ANOTHER Saturday or at least putting that possibility out there.

Honestly I can truly understand her not wanting to introduce him to her friends at that point. I just think it was too soon. But in her post she did not say she told him that. It pays to notice carefully what OP said and did not say. And let’s face it…she already had plans. If she had a first date on Friday and had another date scheduled for Sunday…personally a date 3 days in a row with someone I had just met would be a bit much for me. I mean who knows…maybe she wanted the oppourtunity on Saturday to talk with close friends about the great guy she had a date with on Friday night. But I don’t guess that would be too easy to do if he were there.

Maybe OP over-reacted about the situation but then again it’s not something that happened to us. It happened to her and I can imagine it was kind of a slap in the face. OP did what I KNOW I would have done, she cancelled the date for Sunday and suggested that since she wouldn’t be going out with him that maybe he could take his Saturday out. I think when all is said and done, it’s not so much a question of did the guy do something that was wrong and thoughtless…I think he did!!! But I think the question is, did OP over-react and I have to say…yes, I think OP did over-react. But like I also said…that’s easy to say because it didn’t happen to ME.


Yes I agree with all above, and note that you've made some intelligent points that are actually based on fact, instead of assumption, as you have pointed out has been done quite liberally by posters on this thread who might benefit from actually *reading* OP's posts before commenting

To those who are pointing out that she doesn't "Own" him after one date...What are you implying? That a man "Own" his wife? NO! No one "Owns" anyone.

It is fine and natural for either gender to date more than one person, especially in the early stages where there is no exclusivity. However normal people do not go out of their way flaunt their various current dating partners in front of the other ones.

The fact that this basic norm eludes so many of the posters on this thread tells me indeed they have difficulty with basic manners, courtesy and they lack social graces, and is probably the reason they are single. And the fact that so many people who lack basic manners are out there, is probably why those of us who are courteous towards those we're dating, are single; we don't want to date them.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
A horse walks into a bar...the bartender looks at it and asks...
Posted: 7/3/2009 2:27:23 AM
spot4username:

I do hate when I am out and don't happen to be grinning like a loon and some random guy comes up to me and tells me to smile. Or to cheer up. Or why so sad. Etc. Why do guys do that?


spot4username, I was going to say exactly the same thing and I saw your post. Glad to know I am not the only woman who's dealt with that. It's so annoying and pompous when men do that!

I was at a club with friends, we were laughing hysterically almost all the time we were there... we walked across the dance floor I was following them and at the moment not smiling. Out of nowhere steps some dude, he looks at me and demands that I smile. I just gave him a wierd look, since I don't emote on command. Then he tells me to 'cheer up', as if I wasn't doing just fine 'til he intruded himself into my fun, trying to convince me that I felt some way I knew I didn't, or that I should express some emotion I wasn't currently expressing.

Also it's similar when they keep demanding that you 'relax' and you were already feeling just fine...so what's their problem?
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 199 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2009 1:41:20 AM
eschec:
She thought it was too soon to meet her friends ie she didn't think he was good enough to meet them.


YOU AssUmed that her not wanting to introduce this brand new guy to her friends meant she didn't think he was good enough. That's a pissy reaction to a normal behavior. That's all YOU, baby!
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 193 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/3/2009 12:09:33 AM
She didn't want to bring this brand new guy she just met around to meet her friends yet...and you somehow leap to the conclusion that it's because "she didn't think he was good enough to meet them". (Although, once again, she never said that lol)

I'm very curious why you would assume that? So then...if you just met a guy and he wasn't ready to introduce you to his friends, coworkers, or family, you would actually get all pissy and assume that he thought you weren't "good enough" to meet, lol.. that's funny. And also kind of sad for you.

If I just met a person and he didn't want to bring me immediately to introduce to his friends/family/coworkers/whomever...I would respect his autonomy, and think he was just being a normal, healthy adult...with normal boundaries.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 191 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:42:30 PM

Once again...he took her out on one date and they talked about Sunday, and he asked her if she was still planing on going to the concert that he wanted to go to and hoped she would invite him, but she didn't think he was good enough for her friends. So she didn't invite him and then provided immature games for a 30 year old.


Really? Is that so? That's surprising...Because this is what OP *actually* said (1st page):


That's brutal. No, he was not trying to go with me or did not ask me either. It's more like he made a quick call to me just to check if I was still going....then he got off the phone pretty fast.


That doesn't sound much like your 'version' of things, does it, eschec?

And again, you claim OP stated: "she didn't think he was good enough for her friends". Please, do quote where you read that the OP said he wasn't good enough, and include the page number.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 189 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:30:04 PM
Once again... he dated her, asked her for another date, asked her where she was going to be tonight, and showed up there....with another girl.

You people can think that makes him totally honorable all day and night if you wish...but you won't convince me. I think it makes him seriously tacky and not very classy! There were a million other places he could have taken his other date.

Does it make him a 'Dirt Bag'? I don't think so. But does that absolve him of being a classless, tacky guy? Not by me.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Dating hearing impaired guy
Posted: 7/2/2009 11:19:56 PM
OP to answer your question, I don't think dating a deaf guy would be any issue for me, except that I would have to learn to sign! I believe you are independent as you say, however your profile makes you see a little 'broken' for lack of a better word. Women want strong men (strong emotionally, I mean). Instead of saying this:


I have broken ears (am deaf) but that does not mean I have a broken mind, heart and soul. I am able to talk, and if you are curious, I can always teach you sign language. (Maybe some dirty ones!!) I am an independent person and I do not need sympathy here.
All in all, I am a good guy who has alot to offer from head to toe, but if you feel that you do not want to get to know me then it is your loss that you choose to dwell on something "negative" about me (no one is perfect) rather than try to see if I am a good person who could make your day!!

Try something like, "I am deaf, but lead a very independent and 'normal' life."
.... Or some variation of that and just leave it at that. (what is normal anyway?)


Also this following sentence is a little odd, you should reword it. And "enjoys cuddling". Ugh, some girls might like that, but for me, when a guy mentions cuddling, kissing, holding hands, etc. makes me thing he's saying/doing that with all the women. a little off-putting. if you date her, if you like each other, I'm sure you'll end up cuddling. If she doesn't enjoy cuddling with you, that's your first clue that SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU! lol..



I am looking for you who is easy on the eyes, who enjoys cuddling.


Good luck!
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 186 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:54:45 PM
You might feel just friends with a guy after a meet and greet, that culminated in him asking for another date. but she doesn't feel just 'friendship' for him obviously.

I don't feel 'just a friendship' with a guy who I've gone on a meet & greet with, with the intention to move forward into an intimate dating relationship. my feelings towards my friends is very different than the feelings I have towards a guy I'm attracted to. For starters, I don't ever intend to have sex with my friends. and I don't care if my friends date people.

If I meet a guy and feel 'just friendship' towards him, even on the first meeting, then guaranteed it's going nowhere, because he's been 'friendzoned'.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 778 (view)
 
What makes a woman over 40 sexy?
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:44:24 PM

They're kids are grown up (or will be soon) and they sure as hell don't want anymore (try that with a 30 year old).


Just want to mention that some women (such as me) don't have or want kids. But you're right most do.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 184 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:23:26 PM

I agree 100%... gosh, I don't see that he did anything wrong, he heard about an interesting concert, found company to go with, and went... what's the problem? It was only after one first date, after all...



Really?? So that wouldn't bother you..not one little bit..if it were you in her shoes? Are you sure about that?
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Am I being to harsh? Divorced vs. Separated
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:20:34 PM
OP no I don't think you're being too harsh. I'm surprised there is a category for 'separated' on here, that is cheating on your spouse. I don't think people should be trying to get involved with others 'til their divorce is final.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 183 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!! (Reference msg. 2: RenMan)
Posted: 7/2/2009 10:17:51 PM
Mr. Provocative:
Besides, OP wasn't interested enough to invite him along.


Really? I didn't read the part where she said she didn't want to invite him along because she wasn't interested enough. In fact OP never said that...you just made it up.

For those of you who find this simple concept so difficult to grasp: some people don't like to bring dates that we've just met around to meet people who are permanent fixtures in our lives such as our friends, family, or coworkers.

Why? Obviously because if it doesn't work out and we never see him again, we don't want to be constantly reminded by our friends/family asking:

"So....how's it going with Larry?"
"So...has Larry called for a second date yet?"
"We miss Larry...too bad he got back together with his ex...I bet that had to hurt..."

Has absolutely nothing to do with how much we like a guy, in fact if I like a guy, I'm probably going to be less likely to want to be grilled with questions about him/ our relationship when it's just barely started.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 182 (view)
 
What a Dirt Bag!!!!!
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:59:57 PM
OP obviously you don't own him after one date and I'm sure that's not what you're implying. But it is really lame for him to date you, ask you for another date, ask you where you're going to be tonight, and show up there....with another girl. I agree with you...this guy lacks a certain basic social finesse.

And I also agree with you, I don't bring a guy I've only just dated one time around to meet all my friends. They might meet the friends and the fam when they are in a steady relationship with me.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Not sure she was that into me
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:51:08 PM
OP I think your overanalyzing way too much, way too soon.

Yes it is rude for her to text during your First Meeting. But that doesn't make her "Not that into you", it just makes her "rude". Those two things can be mutually exclusive. If you don't like that behavior then (politely) tell her you'd appreciate it if she wouldn't text or talk on the phone while she's on her date with you. If she then continues to do it, then she is not respecting your very reasonable request.

I have a great friend who always texts people whether she's with me, or a guy she really likes or whoever. That girl can't live without her phone for two seconds! I don't like that aspect of her but no one's perfect.

She only wanted your first meeting to be 1.25 hours? That would be about three times as long as I'd want my first meeting with a guy to be, even if I did like him. I feel a first meeting is just that: a first meeting. You meet, chit chat, go your separate ways and decide if you want to see each other again for a first date. You 'assumed' it would be longer, but that was obviously not a safe assumption on your part.

I don't blame her for not rescheduling plans with her friends. I wouldn't either for a guy I just met, or even for a guy I loved. (Unless it was urgent). Respecting the fact that other people may have plans already is part of a healthy relationship.

As far as your plan to NOT call her as you had told her you would, that would be your bad, and no excuse for that.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Dateing at 35
Posted: 6/27/2009 5:54:36 PM

Club/Bar dateing is meat maket where lines and bravado gets you a date or a hump in the sack.


It is if that's what you've made it. It could've been a way for you to meet a spouse, had you not used it as a way to meet a "Hump in the sack".
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 67 (view)
 
Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:27:41 AM
^^^Please. YOU'RE the one we'd do well to avoid. ick.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 261 (view)
 
Why do so few women seek only sex??
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:17:54 AM
Better question. Why do so many men post pictures of themselves cozying up with their female 'friends'? Why is that? Are us women supposed to say, "Gee she's ugly, he'll be glad to have me"? Or what? Are we supposed to say, "Oh, well look at that. Some other female has stood next to him at some point, so I guess it's not impossible." You know what I say? "Gosh it's sad that that guy is so insecure that he can't stand alone and post a picture of himself on a dating site without another female in it, that he falsely believes will make him somehow more attractive." Just curious.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 300 (view)
 
When someone has artist as their profession.....
Posted: 6/25/2009 1:09:14 AM
Yeah, Kyjelly79 pretty much summed up what I think of when someone lists 'artist' for their profession:



yeah, you know graffiti is an art form right? let me ask u this..... how do u think the first art of any kind was found? on walls by cavemen. it's all modern heiroghypics. and graffiti artists have more delication than your so call fine arts artists. we just like our canvasses free.. and out of your pockets.


Oh and also the part about them standing in line at the food bank.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Are there some women that PREFER bald guys over guys with hair?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:49:47 AM

The best looking men (and I'm not attracted to a man's face like a heterosexual woman is, so keep that in mind) are those who wear their male-pattern baldness with pride and let it grow long. Think David Crosby. Even better, is if the dude grows a big massive beard. Think Santa Claus. If more men with male-pattern baldness started wearing their natural hair with pride and letting it grow, I think the stigma of balding would disappear in a heartbeat.


EWWW James Taylor would've been a better example now I'm gonna have night mares thanks! And NO WAY on the giant fluffy Santa beard the only person who can sport that is the Clause man himself! EWWWW Shave it! Maybe a neat, small, short mustache or goatie but no more than that!!

But I do agree with you though about the male pattern balding, only to an extent. Some men it looks fine if they've got the little widow's peak going and the two bald spots on the side. Can be kinda sexy I guess but only on some guys. And say no to combovers!
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
Are there some women that PREFER bald guys over guys with hair?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:41:37 AM
Bald is no big deal and sometimes hot. What's not hot is trying to compensate with growing out what hair remains, so they've got a combover, or a donut around their head lol. That just looks funny. Or when it's real thin or balding but they're growing the rest out. Looks wierd. if it's going bald keep it short or maybe just shave it, it'll look way better, and you'll be hot again.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 65 (view)
 
Dinner on the first date?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:28:33 AM
OP for a first meeting I would not object to just drinks or coffee or ice cream or whatever. In fact it would be my preference, in case I'm not into him or vice versa.

I think you need to figure out what the difference is though between a first meeting and a first date.

First meeting. Well, obviously, you've never met. I think you could just meet at an agreed upon place. Orange Julius, doughnut shop, Starbucks, whatever. The purchasing of and handling of the treat just give you something to do while you're meeting this stranger. It's not about a dollar amount. Just make it quick. If you like eachother, THEN you plan a first date. If you like her tell her you'll call her and then follow through...soon, but not two minutes later!

You should pay for the first meeting unless she insists on paying her share, and if she does, it could very well mean she doesn't like you 'that way', or not. But you're not out much, and you were going to buy yourself a coffee & doughnut anyway. Meeting for drinks, yeah if that's what you both want. But Most places I wouldn't be too scared to go in. The drinks are seriously expensive. Several bucks each one minimum. So if you're buying her a few, and yourself a few. You're ponying up a lot of money. Also some women, might not want to go to an alcohol establishment on the first date for fear that it sets a certain precedent, or that you might just want to get her drunk and get laid or something. Some women might be lactose intolerant and not want ice cream. So suggest a few different types of inexpensive scenarios that you like and let her pick.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 399 (view)
 
Should she have paid for her share of meal ?
Posted: 6/25/2009 12:13:46 AM
^^^^^Ya know Dreamcatcher's expectations that a man pay first date is actually the norm. Not been out much?
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Am I old fashion????
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:54:45 PM
Edencapwell: well i have NEVER heard this crap before. might be normal for YOU but not for most men. you are obviously are not a gentleman. a wonder you're still single sheesh.
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^^^Yeah I know what you mean. It's funny that some people are trying to angle for their position by positing how 'perfectly normal' it is to put out on on date 2-3. But *def* not date 1 -- now THAT would be downright slutty! (lol).

Please. Since WHEN is this normal? You know I don't care when. Not gonna happen on my watch, not my time, not my body. If they don't like it, they're more than welcome to keep on walking on. No loss for me, I don't want a trampy man anyway, that's been around too many bedposts, infecting me with something, or impregnating me along with his other flings. Don't worry there's plenty of women who'll give it up quickly and the two can be together, no loss for me.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Grey Hair: Distinguished, or EX-tinguished?
Posted: 6/24/2009 7:31:09 PM
Yay i want to talk about hair! (That was pathetic, but true)

You're 38, You are quite good looking for your age IMHO, especially because you're thin, which most guys your age aren't. Gray hair isn't a deal breaker on men but I do think you'd look even better if you just used a temporary tint on it every couple weeks. That's what I do. You'll probably be better off if you die your hair for a while. When your face catches up with your hair, then let it go white. (seriously). The picture with the hair a little darker colored looked best on you.

I'm lucky so far (at almost 38) my hair has it's share of grays but it's mostly still color. I use a temporary tint (clairol loving care) every couple of weeks or so depending how busy I am. It blends any grays, makes my hair shinier, and more manageable. There's no ammonia or peroxide in it that would damage hair.

Anyway here's the breakdown. Grey or white hair looks odd to me on people (men and women) who otherwise look youthful. On the other hand, darkly dyed hair looks strange on people who are well into their golden years. Both are too much contrast. Bald is great! But balding, with long where it remains is not great! Combovers or similar hairdos are bad! Real long hair past 30, eh, just doesn't look age-appropriate. Not good. Short or semi short is almost always the best for a guy. A very young guy can get away with longer hair, doesn't mean he's better looking necessarily. If he starts going bald cut it real short, like a buzz-cut if he's pretty bald. It's way better than that Dennis Franz look from NYPD Blue. (I like the guy, but HATE the hairdo). Patric Stewart is Hot! So was Yul Brynner! I'm sure Richard Gere and Ted Danson both dyed their hair a bit 'til they reached an age where it was just too much contrast between their hair and their age.

Any more hair questions? Let's have a hair forum.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 54 (view)
 
How Many is TOO Many???
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:10:10 AM
"*His apartment already has that pungent smell to it"

Yeah, this is a big problem. I really can't stand that particular smell. The cat smell. I have a friend with 2 cats, I went to her apartment and the smell was pretty awful and that's an understatement. And she is actually pretty clean person she cleans the litter and all that.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 53 (view)
 
How Many is TOO Many???
Posted: 6/24/2009 12:05:26 AM
One would actually be too many for me, OP. I don't care too much for cats. I don't hate them but don't like them much either, and prefer not to be around them. Also I am quite allergic to them but I think I'd prefer he didn't have any even if I weren't allergic.

But if I really liked a guy and he had just one, it might be ok, under certain conditions. Because of my allergies he'd have to keep it off the bed. be sure to vaccuum and dust well and often, etc. If it were a cat I had a severe allergy to then he might have to find a new home for it. If he wasn't willing to do this (which is fine) then I don't think we could have a future as I wouldn't be willing to jeopardize my health for his cat.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Dating cliches
Posted: 6/23/2009 11:47:27 PM
"I want to start as friends and then see where it goes." (or some variant).....we're on a dating site, not a friendship site. Friendship is nice, but it's kinda like going to a truck dealership and saying "I'm just interested in a car to start".
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Yeah I agree with you there. If it says that I just pass them by. It's a dating site. Starting out pretending to be "friends" just gets a guy friendzoned. Either he wants to date me or he doesn't. Or did he think he was so hot women were going to show up to the coffee shop and spread out on the table demanding instant sex. Of course you start out slower, then incrementally pick up pace. But either we're dating, or we're saying goodbye. We're not friends. And yes once you're in a long term relationship with one you love they are also your friend, but they are your significant other first and foremost.

Similarly, my friend and I are both on here and we both are shocked and amused at the disproportionate number of men who post pictures of themselves up on this dating site, with pictures of themselves with some other woman. Or with some woman's hair or hand "accidentally" not quite cropped. We always pass by those ones too. After we have a good laugh.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Am I old fashion????
Posted: 6/23/2009 10:08:18 PM
^^^^ Right. I'm pretty sure my post didn't state that I wouldn't be doing any cuddling during that *general* time frame of *approximately* two months *or so*.

Also I'm certain that I'll have a much better sense of their temperament and any interfering addictive problems after two months as opposed to thee dates. Which follows that yes, obviously I'd know better after two years, and even better after 20. But how about I just start with two months (ish).

Believe me I know for a fact that a man can and will show me that he is abusive while only dating.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Am I old fashion????
Posted: 6/23/2009 9:38:07 PM
Three date rule? Never heard of that. I wouldn't have sex with someone after three dates! way too soon. gonna wait at least a couple months. Need to know he's not a going to flake and other things like being an alcoholic or abusive. Can't possibly figure out if I want to have a serious relationship with him within 3 dates.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 278 (view)
 
Can a man be too tall to date?
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:42:04 PM
Yes, for me they can be too tall, or too short. But height (tall or short) is not at the top of my list as far as qualities that actually matter. In other words I'd prefer if a man were 5'10". But if he happens to be extreme either way, say 6'5", or 5'4", I'd still consider dating him, if I liked his other qualities. Height isn't a deal breaker.

Tall guys are scary especially if their wide, too, because they're so big, and sometimes their proportions can be different.

With short guys, many of them 'bulk up' with either muscle or fat, to compensate for their height, and that is why I usually don't date them. Not because of their height, because of their proportions. I like men who are thin. Over all I'd prefer a man between say 5'7" and 6'2", but would be willing to go outside that range for the right man.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Some people just can't take criticism
Posted: 6/23/2009 6:37:13 PM
"Op you could have um...asked her for more information and a picture rather than just saying "goodbye and good luck"."

Seriously, you would actually want more info and a pic from someone that incoherent? Why? What else is there to know? Do we really need to know the reason why she's stupid? I wouldn't be interested in the reason why if I were him, I'd just be grateful to know.

Just my opinion.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Some people just can't take criticism
Posted: 6/23/2009 5:30:36 PM
Her profile is funny and, well, interesting (in that it's a mystery what the he** she's talking about.)

98% ish...but only 2% ish.

I mean WTH? I've seen a lot of men's profiles that are the equivalent of this. When they ask for 'highest education' I guess I thought somewhere past 1st grade was a given.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 168 (view)
 
Are men more attracted to women that play hard to get?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:43:56 PM
^^^^Boudaciasmile: "Of course men will says this! The old intimidate her/guilt her into coming across.
Do you ever expect a man to to say ..."Yes! Please play hard to get. I just love it!!"
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Bingo!! Exactly...truer words were never spoken.
 stephanie888
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
When is it cheating?
Posted: 6/17/2009 7:22:03 PM
OnDMove:"So talking with my ex-wife about our child is cheating? Wow, how shallow is that?"
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m church: "Talking to your ex-wife about your kid is a reason.... I think we all know that....
Talking to your ex-partner socially or to rekindle is not a reason...."
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Agree with m church's statement there is a distinction...that seems kinda obvious...

Add to that: OnDmove, you should learn that anyone is entitled to have preferences, whether you like those preferences or not. Having preferences about what one does or does not want to deal with in their life, doesn't make them "Shallow".
 
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