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bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

whats wrong with me sheltering my son from my dateing Posted: 1/31/2009 12:54:19 PM
Nothing! Kudos to you. Dealing with this myself. It's up to you when and if they meet. You rock! Stick to your guns...if they don't like it or can't handle it it's their problem not yours .

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

CALLING.. All parents of 17 yr olds.... Posted: 9/12/2007 10:59:36 AM
I have a both a dd and ds and it NEVER stops!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

go away or stay Posted: 8/20/2007 12:11:10 PM
My ex wanted to do this and it always made me wonder. I never did this because why would I spend time with him after he left me and our children? he never did when we were together so why hang out after our break-up? it just makes no sense...she needs to understand it's important for her to be in your child's life but that you and her are no longer a couple a family anymore...it is way too confusing for kids when parents go through a separation divorce and to act as though as you say everything is a-ok just isn't fair to your child or you or herself for that matter hopefully you can come to an amiable agreement and she can have visitation without including you and maybe gradually at first until your child can adjust prolonging things will make it harder in the long run just my opinion but it's time for new beginnings unless you see a possible reconciliation other than that I would begin to distance yourself for you own sake she needs to accept responsibility for child-care and it will enable you to also move on with your life take care

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

positive affirmations anyone? Posted: 8/20/2007 11:43:31 AM
~Thinking Positive~ It may not be NEW but it's NEW to ME. Always making the best out of what I have and not dwelling on what I don't. Works for me everytime...

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 182 (view)

Homeschooling Posted: 8/13/2007 11:02:38 AM
It amazes me sometimes but not ALWAYS how ppl like to stereotype. My belief is you do what is best for your child/children. The benefits to homeschooling for my ds was it has enabled him to get an education. He has an anxiety/panic disorder. I am sure there are many other reasons for homeschooling but that is the reason our family has embraced it. He is unable to deal with large crowds and for him a smaller environment like our home worked for him. It isn't for every child and it takes committment on both the parent and child to make it work. It can and it does. Children who are homeschooled are not socially deprived despite what you believe or have seen/witnessed. Socialization does not just come through attending school. Not all of us are social...it doesn't mean we are lacking something necessarily either.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 2 (view)

something i wrote a while ago, tell me what you think. =^)~ Posted: 8/8/2007 11:20:02 AM
absolutely gorgeous awesome it ROCKS!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

singl dad with 13 year old greys Posted: 5/2/2007 11:37:07 AM
way to go sometimes kids not ONLY need boundaries but WANT them

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

what do you think Posted: 5/2/2007 3:48:11 AM
I think you stepped up, handled it the best way you could given the circumstances. Sometimes I wish I could have been able to count on my ex or his mom like that. Unfortunately my mom had passed away or she definitely would have been there no questions asked. You did make sure somebody was there for your daughter and that in my books is all that matters. Most of the time I have had to depend on friends and they ALWAYS were there for my kids and me...she might have been initially worried but they were safe and they had ttried to contact her first but to no avail. Obviously you handled it and handled it well...your daughter was taken care of with the least amount of stress placed on her until you could get home or her mom could...

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Women who go back for sex after a breakup Posted: 5/1/2007 11:47:04 AM
I always stayed away...it was too hard. The ONLY time I went back was when I thought we might still have a chance. Usually I was vunerable though and let him back in ONLY to find out he didn't really want a committment or ever saw us having any future together. Sometimes I wonder esp when he asked me to be his g/f when I already thought I was. Sometimes too little too late. I loved him and in his own way he loved me. It wasn't enough. We weren't in it for the same reasons. Sad...but hopefully someday I will find that man... For us it just wasn't meant to be no matter how amazing wonderful awesome the SEX was or could have been...

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 33 (view)

When would the right time be for children to meet who you are dating Posted: 4/28/2007 9:33:19 AM
Right on... The ONLY regret I have breaking up is if I hurt his daughter. He introduced me to her as her new mom...WRONG! She has a mom who I actually know and I said to him that isn't right. I found he kept letting her go more and more to her mom's...he has custody so we could spend more time together ALONE. Just wasn't INTERESTED in how SHE felt or I felt...and before HE met ME it was the COMPLETE opposite...HER MOM wasn't ALLOWED by HIM that much contact... So why now? I saw him in a completely different light...I never introduced HIM to MY SON. Thank-God! I do miss HER...and HOPEFULLY "SHE" knows it wasn't HER FAULT we broke up. You cannot do that force someone on your kids or your kids on someone...it will not work. I want to get to know a person FIRST. i think HE made his daughter feel bad...our kids have to come FIRST. My kids have ALWAYS wanted ME...their mom to be HAPPY but never at their expense. I believe if it is meant to be it will happen....but in the meantime I just want to date and our kids are smart and savvy enough to know their moms and/or dads need/want friends and are cool with it. Sometimes I am torn dating someone with kids because I know how easy it is to get attached and it does hurt... For me though I feel a connection with other single parents...just prefer to WAIT before involving our kids.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

When would the right time be for children to meet who you are dating Posted: 4/28/2007 6:36:33 AM
I agree with paralegal....my son is seventeen and I don't do it either. It's about respect for my son....it's his home to. Unless I thought it might lead to something serious I am not comfortable and wouldn't want to make my son uncomfortable. They do get attached and they also do see another side to that person we don't... Safety is an important issue for our kids and ourselves and if I feel someone is pushy then red flags are there...what's the hurry? I don't want my son to approve or disapprove my dates but that's what they are just dates...he knows I am dating and knows I have friends but they do become protective of their moms which speaks volumes about them. If I plan to go out my son knows I am a responsible woman...he worries about my safety just like I worry about his...he knows where I am going, and we have a pre-determined time I will call him...and a contact number. I don't bring ppl to my home we meet usually public place in the day-time or early afternoon... Sometimes it seems so complicated anymore but it is using common sense. There are ppl I have met I would never introduce to my son and there are others I wish I could but unless we are in it for the long haul...why?...like my kids said they were happy if I wanted to or was dating but that person was nothing to them...a stranger...and while they don't have a dad who is actively involved in their life they do have one and we aren't looking for a dad for them. Actually I think in some ways it gets harder to date the older your kids get...unfortunately when they were younger I had to get a babysitter and that takes a lot of work to try and organize it and it meant paying someone....my ex didn't see our kids on a very regular basis, sometimes once a month but I was not dependent on him to look after his own children while I went out...h*ll I wouldn't have being going out at all...lol...lmao...;) Anyways I feel we have to decide what's best for our child....mine got hurt in the past when I broke up with b/f's that had been in our lives for a while (more than a year plus) so I hesitate doing it too soon or at at all if just dating. You have to decide what is best for your children and yourself...

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

Hives- or what I assume to be hives... Posted: 4/26/2007 10:47:45 AM
It could be psoriasis. I would go to a dermatologist and maybe he can diagnose what it is. Sometimes you can have more than one thing going on... Hope this helps. I would stay away from anti-bacterial soaps etc. Are you using a different soap, shampoo, dish soap etc.? It can be frustrating but hopefully you will find out what it is so you can begin to treat it. Take care!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Is schizophrenia a genetic disorder? Posted: 4/25/2007 11:20:05 AM
NAMI is a great resource. They have on-line support and can help you find out about a specific mental health concern. My dad has schizophrenia but I never knew or found out until I was an adult. There are a lot of resources out there...check with mental health. My dad worries he might pass it down to his children or grand-children. Hope this helps.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

anxiety and medication/natural help Posted: 4/25/2007 11:08:22 AM
Another great resource is NAMI...they have a great on-line support system...it has helped me immensely. Hope this helps someone else.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

How do you deal with the loss of a Fiance and Future step son Posted: 4/23/2007 11:14:57 AM
It is hard...I lost a fiance' and it will take some time to move on but you will. Have you thought about going to your doctor and talking about it?...Sometimes we don't even know how badly we are taking it...grief has many steps we ALL go through...Sometimes not in the same order and sometimes we take different lengths of time to grieve...don't let anyone rush you... I miss him and there is an emptiness and a sadness there but I also cherish my memories...I have moved on but it wasn't and hasn't been easy... If you are having any trouble sleeping, eating, your doctor can HELP. Just take care of YOURSELF...sometimes we ALSO have feelings of unbelievable guilt, and anger...these are part of the grieving process but if you feel like you are having a hard time coping sometimes just talking to someone helps...most communities offer a grief/bereavement support group for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one. Just know you aren't ALONE hon... My fiance' committed suicide and until I had someone point it out I didn't know I had blamed MYSELF...it wasn't my fault but it took a heavy burden off of ME...when I finally realized HE had made that choice and there was NOTHING I had done or could have done to STOP him... Your fiance' and step-son were in an ACCIDENT...it wasn't your fault and it is completely understandable that you miss them...I miss my fiance' because our lives are forever changed...give yourself time...little baby steps...one day at a time...it will get better... Take care hon...

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

What is truely lost when a long term relationship ends Posted: 4/14/2007 2:10:58 PM
We lose trust, respect, and faith but ONLY for a little while. The pain never really goes away completely but fades. Accepting it is over and wasn't meant to be is part of the healing journey. Hope is what carried me through...and still does. Believing love still exists. Engaging in the "dance". You will laugh and smile again and the memories will remain of the good times... Just take of yourself so you can take care of your kids. Counselling helps...and sometimes just having someone listen while you share your feelings... Knowing we aren't ALONE...others really know and understand the roller-coaster ride you are on. Believing in yourself, trusting in yourself. Someday...I lost my fiance' he committed suicide and it has taken me a long time to realize it wasn't my fault and I couldn't have stopped him...but I know I loved him and I miss him... Hang in there it may not seem like it now but it will get better...I couldn't imagine my life without my ex-husband after he left me and our two kids...but I met someone and after he died I thought I would never LOVE again...it just wasn't meant to be... but Someday it will and when you are ready you will know...just give yourself time to grieve...take care hon.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

My Son needs more time with his Dad Posted: 4/12/2007 11:48:51 AM
You sound like a really cool mom...and pretty selfless...you are thinking about your son...and wondering what's best for him...just let him know whatever he decides you are okay with and that he can come back home and if he decides to stay that is okay to...you will ALWAYS be his mom just like he will ALWAYS be your son and that doesn't change no matter where he lives... I have two kids and I know mine missed their dad... I always told them if they wanted to go live with their dad they could if THEY wanted... My son is seventeen and I wish his dad was actively involved but he has chosen not to be...Unfortunately sometimes it is hardest on the kids when that happens...my ex-husband doesn't know how much he is missing out on...our son is a great kid...a fine young man...and it will hit him I hope one day how much he has missed out on not being around...I think this is the best gift you could give your son an opportunity to spend time with his dad...the benefits will last him a lifetime My dad is my hero!!!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

If Only: The Circular Logic that Chases Away Happiness Posted: 4/3/2007 11:20:39 AM
A steaming hot cup of tea. An ice cold beer on a hot summer day...preferably Blue. Live Bands! Sunshine...Green Grass...Blue Water...Bridges...Open Roads...Motorcycles...Drag Cars...Muscle Cars...Stock Cars...Long Hair on a Guy...Wahoo!!! Just the Little Things! Peanut Butter/Jam Sandwiches ...Red Wine Chilled Glasses Music!!! Last but not Least MY KIDS...they Rock!!! Jesse, Sabrina. and Trex our amazing CATS...DEFINITELY a big part of our family Rain...thunderstorms...freshly fallen snow...snow angels... Life!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Raising Teenagers.....Help!! Posted: 3/31/2007 10:08:02 AM
You aren't ALONE! ANOTHER crazycatlady here to. ;) I found being consistent helped, not jumping, settting boundaries...really important!!! My dd moved out on her own at sixteen...she is now twenty and actually I see more of her now than when she lived at home...both my kids have ALWAYS been respectful though and I think it is because of MUTUAL respect...and self-respect. Sometimes they don't even realize they have hurt us or angered us...we need to be able to share OPENLY with each other. It's about them not taking you for granted...and I know it's hard but sometimes we need to just step back and say I am not doing it...and I remember a time my dd broke her curfew...she ended up being grounded...and boy she was mad as h*ll at me but as much as it hurt me I didn't cave or give in. Something she really wanted to go to and she thought I would back down and let her go and I said NO...from then on things changed between us...she knew...I meant "business"...and it was HARD!!! Just know you aren't ALONE and we either have ALL been there or ARE there. Take care!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Sore Knees! Only 22 Years Of Age! Posted: 3/31/2007 9:01:34 AM
Arthritis maybe? I would go get it checked out. Pretty hard to jog if you are in pain. If you are having pain and don't feel like you have pushed yourself or gone to fast it would cause me some concern. I wouldn't let it go.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

question about homeschool Posted: 3/30/2007 11:42:04 AM
It depends where you live and there are homeschooling associations. You have a curriculum to follow and there is testing. My son did this because he was unable to attend school. There are "virtual" schools. All you need is access to the internet. My son was doing it through correspondence. I know that they don't suffer from lack of social opportunities because lots of homeschooled children are involved in activities with other home-schooled children and their parents. Honestly for us it was a god-send. It doesn't work for every-one but I feel it is about doing what is best for your child/children. It encourages open-mindedness and it will work for some but not for others. You have to be willing to make a committment. My son didn't depend on me to be his teacher. It encourages independent learning, learning outside the box.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Single Dad seeking advice about custody Posted: 3/29/2007 11:40:55 AM
Mediation might work. Also if you can sit down together and talk about what is best for your daughter. Obviously you both love her and it is hard to be friends let alone good friends when going through a separation and a divorce. Emotions are heightened good ones and bad. It takes two mature adults to do this without and a whole lot of committment on both individuals to make it work. I hope you are able to do it for your daughter's sake. She is worth it. And in the long run she will thank you both for setting aside your differences in order to be good parents to her. I wish my ex had made that committment. In the end it was our kids who suffered and lost out. Take care, hope it works out for all of you.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Right for me or Right for my Son Posted: 3/27/2007 10:51:32 AM
Sometimes I think it depends on the age of your kids. So far I have put my son first...my dd is out on her own. It is hard sometimes but he will be my son forever... I dated a guy on and off for three years...he never really showed any interest in my son or his own kids for that matter. Never even knew he had ANY. And he was a grand-father to. If it is ONLY dating or friends then it wouldn't matter so much but if you are looking for a committment...something long-term...like for LIFE it does matter...at least to ME. I wanted more...what we had just wasn't enough...wasn't meant to be. He got my dd and sil something for Christmas but not my son, it bothered me and I knew it was OVER.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

Would you double date with your son or daughter Posted: 3/27/2007 10:34:00 AM
My twenty year old darling daughter and my son-in-law would. My own personal match-makers those two.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

anxiety and medication/natural help Posted: 3/26/2007 4:51:50 PM
Anxiety is very real. It isn't something concrete necessarily but the fear itself. Fear of being the centre of attention. Fear of failing. Fear of doing something someone else takes for granted...like answering a telephone...opening your door...walking outside your door...going places...talking to ppl doesn't even have to be a stranger...fear of crowds and that could be as few as one other person. For some ppl it is the fear it will happen again. The shame...the embarassment. There are physical symptoms, difficulty breathing, the shakes, stomach aches, fear of being out of control... It can be related to a bad past experience, or the fear of the unknown...the what-if's. And it is ALL a person can do to just make it through that MOMENT. It can be paralyzing, life-altering. There is an awesome on-line support group at NAMI. It is very difficult to understand what it is like to live with this or live with a family member or friend you love who does. It takes a tremendous amount of courage. Those are my heroes.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Confidence vs. Positive Thinking Posted: 3/25/2007 4:51:18 PM
I think it's more being "Optimistic". You send out postive vibes and appear self-confident. It is an attititude....having one that is attractive to others. If you genuinely like yourself it shows. Having a sense of humour and the abilty to laugh at yourself. Also empathy, a great smile and laughter. Having hope, daring to dream and a hearfelt belief that dreams do come true.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

What age do my twin boys move to big bed? Posted: 3/21/2007 12:22:57 PM
Probably now is a good time especially if you realize they may try it (getting out of their cribs if they haven't already). My dd was two and we were expecting our ds so we kind of wanted to prepare her and actually she was pretty good staying in it. Just involve them maybe picking out their beds and their new bedding (doesn't have to be brand new just new to them). Anything you don't want them getting into like outlets you can put a protector over and make sure the room is as child proof as possible. Keep their beds away from the window and make sure if you have blinds there are no dangling cords. Maybe they could each put there toys under their own beds in a under the bed storage box you can make cleaning up a FUN time and it will be just something they do before bed. Maybe you could have a chair in their room and read them a bed-time story if you don't do this already. They could taking turns picking out the story or you could read two. Kids get a real sense of pride having their own "big" bed and it may be a little hard to keep them there at first but eventually they will probably love it. Just have a regular bed-time routine and they will probably begin to tell you hey mom bath time snack time story time and nitey nite...lol ;) :) At first they may need a little re-assurance but hopefully you will all enjoy the new "big" boys beds.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

i got question for all the parents out there Posted: 3/20/2007 11:50:02 AM
Sometimes we need and have to be strong but in a way it is okay for him to see that it's okay to be scared and that sometimes we don't have all the answers. I am thinking positive thoughts that your son will come through this with flying colours and that he is really lucky to have a dad like you. Just knowing you love him and care for him will help him to beat this. I know that my kids are what kept me going. And just spend time with him doing the things he loves talking about the things that interest him and whatever is on his mind. Take care of yourself so you can take care of him. This is a great place to come. Lots of friendly and caring ppl.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 48 (view)

i got question for all the parents out there Posted: 3/20/2007 11:44:08 AM
My heart goes out to you and your son. You are both in my thoughts and prayers. You are not ALONE.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 82 (view)

Fibromyalgia Posted: 3/19/2007 12:26:51 PM
I have a friend who has this. Sometimes she is in a great deal of pain. In order to get around she uses a cane, and is not able to work. It is hard for some ppl to understand her quality of life has been affected. Some days are better than others. I know she also has asthma and other health issues. Hope this helps.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 76 (view)

tanning and its benefits Posted: 3/12/2007 11:41:14 AM
Personally after going through biopsies this year for skin cancer I would say no. Just make sure that you take care of yourself. Life is too precious.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

i got question for all the parents out there Posted: 3/12/2007 11:31:09 AM
I would ask YOUR doctor if HE could explain it if you thought he would know how to talk to your son (with you there) and age-appropiate so he can understand. He is probably already scared because of ALL the testing he has been through recently. Kids are pretty smart and he probably knows somethings up and while it is heart-breaking keeping this a secret may not be the best idea. At ivillage.com they have a great on-line support group dealing with cancer. Maybe you could talk to a social worker from the hospital and ask about how do you broach this with your son. Maybe they can give you ideas on how to handle it and maybe they would help you to tell him or help you decide how to tell him what to tell him and when. I had a couple of biopsies this year for cancer and my ds still lives at home and my dd lives on her own and I dreaded telling them but couldn't keep it from them. Sadly I put off telling my dad and my sister because I didn't want to worry them how silly and they were hurt. Just know that whatever you decide to do it will be for the best because you know him and have his best interests at heart. Hopefully it will all turn out for the best. I know that it brought my family even closer together. Hugs!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 62 (view)

Brizo's poems Posted: 3/12/2007 10:59:43 AM
This is absolutely beautiful. I wrote one about "Silent Screams" but it is rather dark and gloomy because it is a poem about abuse. Someday I hope to be able to share it. I think I even might write a book about it when I am ready. I loved your poem. Thanks for sharing it!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

my mother with cancer. advice please Posted: 3/12/2007 10:52:32 AM
It is hard...to accept. I lost my mom a long time ago she had a heart attack. I would just ask HER what she needs/wants. Does she KNOW about her diagnosis and how is SHE coping? When my nanny my beloved mom's mother was diagnosed in January many years ago she lived almost six months until June. Unfortuately, they kept her in the hospital but she got to go home...it was kind of her last request. She just wanted to be there in her own home amongst her own things with her husband my grandpa and her family. Faith plays an important part in my life and hopefully all your family can be of comfort and support for one another. Maybe just taking turns spending time with her doing the things she loves and that interest her...maybe even doing something she has always wanted to do but never did. My heart goes out to you and your mom and your family at this time. One thing she might need and want is ALONE time. Letting her know you love her and if she needs you that all she has to do is ask. There is a very good support group on-line at ivillage.com. It is for those who are themselves dealing with cancer or their families. Just take it one day at a time and know others do care and understand. Hugs!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Priorities: New BF/GF vs children Posted: 3/9/2007 11:42:34 AM
Your mom rocks and so do her kids! I am a single mom of two and have been for a very LONG time. My dd and my ds are awesome kids (will ALWAYS be my kids but actually I consider both of them to be "young adults") and have ALWAYS been okay with ME their mom dating and while so far it wasn't meant to be (LTR) they are BOTH very supportive and we have had an understanding that I have wants/needs, and as much as I love them both dearly I have friends and interests and a need/want for OTHER adult companionship or even just ALONE time. They have never been neglected and I think our kids need to KNOW mom/dad are ppl to. I was a kid MYSELF once, I had a LIFE, before, during and after kids. It all depends on their age but I started fairly early in their lives having fri. nite family nite, then it might have been do something with both of them or one of them, sometimes as they got older I might be HOME alone or if they had gone to their dad's I might find myself ALONE but not LONELY. Sometimes it was girl's nite out mom and a few or one of her g/f's and the kids and the single mom's shared supper and the kids usually had a babysitter when they were younger and movies and treats while the mom's went out. Lately sometimes I find my ds (he lives at HOME) while dd is out on her own now says to me hey mom how come you are HOME so early?...BACK SO SOON?... lol lmao or why aren't you going out? It is good for single parents to set boundaries and it is a positive for kids to see their parents with friends and interests and hopes and dreams. I love to read and have passed that on to both my kids. We don't have to entertain them and the time I spend with mine is not because I have to but I want to. The older they get they also have their own priorities, their friends and interests and activities that interest them. Kids learn to also fend for themselves, learn responsiblity and gain a sense of pride and accomplishment doing something on their own for themselves or helping out. Just wanted to say this was an excellent topic. My ds and I are trying to decide which night would be the pizza nite at our house this week-end and mom is contemplating going out...MAYBE...if she isn't TOO TIRED...lol...lmao It is pretty funny when your kids start telling you that you need to get out and now usually I am in bed before my ds.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Has anyone ever experience your child asking whether you lonely.... Posted: 2/26/2007 11:15:36 AM
When my kids were very young and their dad and I had separated after about a little while of having them clinging to me when he first left they decided to give me a picture of their dad to keep me company...they wanted to sleep with me to comfort me. It was so hard but I kept the photograph there for about a month and then we talked about it and we all decided they would take turns having it in their rooms. A break-up be it a separation or a divorce involves the "whole" family. My kids are still to this day now twenty and seventeen both caring, concerned young adults and look out for me even now. I would be honest with her because kids need to know they can talk openly and that their mommy and daddies have feelings to and it enables them to know all the feelings they have are okay...whether sadness or anger...whatever they are feeling they aren't ALONE and these feelings are okay to talk about and show. Things have changed for everyone, and sometimes they need to be re-assured we are ok and even sometimes that we are not ok and are sad maybe lonely but hope for happier days ahead. Focus on the positives but don't lie that things will go back to the way they used to. My ex left me for another woman and it was very hard especially in the beginning. Things can and are awkward because no one really knows how to act at first. New Beginnings. My kids are pretty cool and they know while I loved their dad he we decided this was for the best but he still loved and cared for them and we talked about different kinds of love. Kids sometimes think you will STOP loving them and we need to let them know that will never change. Good-Luck and I hope this helps just a little bit.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 132 (view)

She is still surfing dating sites.. what am I to think? Posted: 2/24/2007 12:36:17 PM
I have lots of friends on here male and female. You say you are wary but you are on here to. Talk to her. It does sound like you have issues but she might not even KNOW how much this is bothering YOU and that is not FAIR to her. We cannot make ppl love us or do what we think they should and quite honestly why would we? Like I said it could be completely harmless and if you haven't been in an exclusive relationship long or if there is ONE I would relax, chill out. A guy I was dating did this to me and I didn't WALK away...I RAN. It still is perplexing to ME you have a problem with her being on them when obviously you are to. What's up with that? You cannot let a previous past relationship make you crazy...it won't work...it will KILL any hopes you have of that happening...trust me. I would let her know how you feel and why and maybe you can both compromize.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 13 (view)

Passing out from asthma medication Posted: 2/24/2007 12:21:07 PM
I have asthma and that just doesn't sound right. You may be having a severe allergic reaction but honestly think you should tell whoever prescribed this medication for you. Hope you are okay and that this helps. It just kind of makes me think I wouldn't wait too long. Maybe there is something wrong with your prescription, the place where you got it filled might have made a mistake. Once my son's prescription was not working we couldn't figure it out but they had given us an expired one. They apologized and replaced it free of charge but it was very scarey because he seemed to actually be getting worse instead of better. Now I am extra cautious and so are they. He got very sick he has asthma to.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 12 (view)

Family member with cancer Posted: 2/21/2007 11:39:10 AM
I would just be honest with them but gear it to their ages and they don't need to know details. Spending time with my kid's great-grandmother was important. She had cancer and died but we are also dealing with her son my kid's great-uncle having cancer also. You sound like a wonderful daughter and mom. Hugs!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

Family member with cancer Posted: 2/21/2007 11:35:32 AM
What worked for me was talking about it. I had a couple of biopsies for skin cancer this past year. Just wanted to let my kids...my family and my close friends know how much I loved them and no matter what they would be in my heart always. Some days I wanted to talk other days I didn't. I kind of found myself in a place of accepting and making friends or rather should I say peace with myself. Gave myself permission to cry but then carry on with everyday things...my life wasn't over yet! I have had many ppl in my life die and I just wanted those close to me to know I was okay and that they could be themselves around me...actually I prefered it. Everything has turned out so far for the good but I have learned who I can count on my kids...myself and sometimes it has given me a whole new lease on life. I try to make every day count and I let others know they matter to me that I love and care about them. Faith and hope and love play an important part in my daily life. Life to me is a gift and I cherish it. Dealt with some pretty heavy emotions, scared sh*tless and fear. I have also learned that I am a strong woman and that it isn't a sign of weakness to sometimes admit you need help...actually it is a sign of strength knowing sometimes you just can't do it alone. Definitely have dug deep down inside myself through this roller-coaster ride for sure. I have learned to not waste my time on ppl who really do not care about me and it sure has been an eye-opener learning who I could and could not depend on. I don't hold it against anyone because they may not be able to rather than not want to be there because of their own issues and that is okay. Honesty is all I ever wanted of anyone. Just hope this has helped you a little bit. I took a little time out for me while going through this. Walking, listening to music, reading, sleeping basically doing what I needed and wanted to do for me. Always kind of been a be there kind of person but I have learned to say no and not feel guilty. Relationships to me are sacred and learning I want one but not willing to settle anymore. Found some great support at ivillage.com they have message boards where you can go if you or someone you love in your life is dealing with cancer. It helped me personally because sometimes I didn't want to burden others or show how absolutely terrified I was. Hugs to you hon. I am taking one day at a time and not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future but staying in the present the here and now. Hope is what got me through.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Is it more important to be happy with yourself or healthy? Posted: 2/17/2007 5:48:25 PM
Thanks Betty! I did the same when I was married...didn't eat right wasn't happy...ate for ALL the WRONG reasons. After my ex-husband and I separated I LOST almost a hundred lbs. Felt better about MYSELF. It is about BALANCE taking care of your "inner" and "outer" SELF. I like to think of me as being a work in progress. Now I do it for ME and no one else. Take care and again thanks hon!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

autism Posted: 2/16/2007 12:21:45 PM
I checked by typing it in and found an online support group called oasis. There are many resources to be found...hopefully ONE that will help you and your daughter. My ex-husband's brother has autism.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 22 (view)

child subsidy Posted: 11/14/2006 3:13:48 PM
I find it "interesting" you think the comments were directed at you disney mom. She the OP never said you personally. All she wanted to know if others felt like there should be more support for single moms in the area of daycare. Financial assistance maybe available to both parents in order to work or attend school. Unfortunately not all of us have families to fall back on, my beloved mom died just after my ds turned one and my dd was three. After that my ex and I went through a separation and a divorce so I didn't have my mil either. Thank-god for my friends. One of my best friends baby-sat for me while I worked, it helped both of us out. During that time we were each other support system, her mom had died when she was still in her teens. My dd and her db also took care of themselves when they got older. Big help but you still worry. It was hard working two jobs and not having a day off in two weeks. I decided that was too much. Balance. When I went back to school, I did it but it was very hard, not a lot of extra money, responsibility of my dd and ds but we managed somehow, HOMEWORK. (we did ours together) Teamwork. Ironically, I am working through the week and not on the week-ends or after-noons or nights now but dd is out on her own and ds is a teenager. How I wish that had been the case when they were both younger. My ex always used the excuse he couldn't take our kids because HE had to work, so did I? lol Well gotta go pizza for ds' birthday for supper tonite. His fav less work for mom...NO DISHES!

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

child subsidy Posted: 11/14/2006 2:24:04 PM
sometimes I just wish we could "encourage" each other instead of dis-couraging" one another what works for one mom might not work for another and that's what really saddens me we have enough "judgement" heaped on us "single moms" enough guilt to last a life-time I have been a single mom fifteen years today it is my ds' birthday I tried to get the day off to spend some quality time with him my ex-husband his dad and also my dd's walked out EXACTLY fifteen years ago All HE wanted from his dad was a card or a phone call...but NOTHING doing this ALONE wasn't what I planned or expected kudos to ALL the SINGLE PARENTS out there doing it dd is now nineteen almost twenty she was four when her dad and I separated it has been a long, lonely, hard ROAD but we...me and my kids made it :) WAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Single mother meets a single father...opps he is still legally married Posted: 11/9/2006 10:48:56 PM
sorry Terramee I meant how do you know? not about him being married but... their financial arrangements? it may or may not be true wondering y he is telling you maybe you are ONLY hearing his side not hers seems like he might be doing it because feels right thing to do she is still his wife mother of their children or it's quite possibly spousal support

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Single mother meets a single father...opps he is still legally married Posted: 11/8/2006 6:15:48 PM
Honestly how do you know HE is? And HE just slipped it oh ya btw I am still legally married...mmm...I wonder? I dated a guy recently and wasn't really comfortable when I found out he wasn't divorced...ONLY separated but for a LONG time...then found out HE drinks with her, sleeps over at her place...actually spent a few days there...this had been since I had met HIM and WE were dating...kind of lied to ME...OKAY HE LIED...by ommission...didn't tell ME Obviously I had a PROBLEM...HE was invited there for THANKSGIVING...FOR THE KID'S SAKE...so he could see them and spend some time together alright his friends joked around and asked if I was invited he got very defensive and said no H*LL I wouldn't have gone even if I had been invited but it went downhill from there trust issues...He LIED No way would I put my ex before my KIDS...I am divorced and had sole custody of our two kids Sounds like HE is paying spousal support MAYBE? Just seems strange his money is so tight and his excuse seems WEAK Blaming it on the ex. Doesn't make ANY sense if HE has THEIR kids.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

relationships and the one sided marijuana problem Posted: 11/6/2006 3:50:24 AM
Not anymore. When the booze and/or pot become THEIR priority...I walk. jmho

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Okay,Is It Wrong To Go Out and Leave The Kids With A Sitter? Posted: 11/5/2006 6:39:23 PM
I didn't choose to be a single parent. My husband wanted to leave when our dd was two (she will be twenty at Christmas) and I was pregnant with our ds (he will seventeen this month). His mom convinced him to stay, actually he wanted me to give up our ds for adoption, I wasn't allowed to have an abortion (btw I wouldn't have anyway but I am pro-choice). Instead he left on our ds' second birthday and just before Christmas and our dd's fifth birthday. He moved in with a co-worker while we were still married, divorced me and married her. Left her and her son from a previous relationship. Our ds hasn't seen hid dad and neither has our dd for a while. When they were younger one of my best friends babysat so I could go to work, sometimes I have had to work week-ends. My ex couldn't take our kids because he had to work, so did I. If he planned to take them it wasn't too much of a surprise if he was a no-show. My kids unfortunately never have had my mom around to babysit, she died almost fifteen years ago at Christmas. My ex mil only wanted our dd never our ds or her other grand-son just the girls my ex sil has a dd and ds. I am not into playing favourites, both my kids are her grand-children, she never baby-sat. Hate it when ppl generalize. Our kids were my responsibility. He might take them once a month but would cancel so when they were really young I would pack their lil bags but not tell them, then if he didn't show no big deal, no one getting upset. The ONLY time his pissed me OFF was when he tried to bail on our dd's birthday...NOT HAPPENING. My dd lives on her own and her brother my ds lives with me. I don't really go out much except to work but when I do my ds is now telling me mom go out. Sometimes he asks y I home so early. I would never presume or assume anything unless you have walked in someone's shoes. My kids have ALWAYS come first and it irks me that there is a double-standard. My ex is free to do as he wants shirking his responsibility. Something I have never done. In the beginning his not taking our kids was to exercise his mis-guided thought he had the right to CONTROL me. His mom felt I shouldn't date??? Her ds left me and his children but I shouldn't MOVE ON get a life b/c he would come back. HELLO, he divorced me and married someone else then adbandonned THEM. Anyways I prob got OFF-TOPIC bit it really does piss me off when someone presumes or assumes anything about ME...a single mom. I prob go out less than I use to...my choice but we do our kids a real big dis-service if we don't take care of ourselves. By taking care of ourselves we will be better able to take care of our kids. That includes socializing, having friends and interests separate and our own. Kids do understand that. I don't bring a barrage of strange men-friends home nor do I go out to get drunk. Love to dance, drink very little, don't smoke or do drugs. Also love music, going to my dd's or other friends for coffee/tea or just shopping. I don't have any down time, my ex was not actively involved in our kids' lives...his choice. So now my ds is older things are a little easier but when both of them were younger I couldn't afford to go out. By the time paid a babysitter and got a cab home and back my night out consisted of maybe three hours. Usually myself and one or two other g/f's would just go out for a chance to talk woman to woman. After renting movies, buying pop and treats for the kids we didn't have all that much to "squander" on ourselves. Mostly it was excitement dressing up and having adult conversations with each other. Well this is way too long...sorry but just wanted to just give my 2cents worth.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Need help with this Posted: 11/5/2006 12:57:51 PM
Maybe you aren't ready for a NEW relationship. And I can relate to not wanting to go somewhere in case you run into each other, it can be very awkward. Do you still have feelings for your EX? Personally I think your concern for not wanting to hurt her does show that maybe you still do. In the beginning of a break-up it is hard to deal with ex's movin' on and I never have wanted to deliberately hurt one myself. Could be your new g/f wants to make your ex jealous or at least aware of her? Sounds like you want to do the honourable thing and not deliberately go out of your way to hurt your ex by flaunting someone new in her face. Two weeks isn't a very long time. Hope everything works out for you. Just recently, I started talking to an ex. I love him and always will, we broke up a little over a year ago. He still wanted to be friends but I found it too hard just being friends. Some time has past, met and dated others but in my heart of hearts know how I honestly feel about him. Sometimes we just need to be honest with ourselves. Give yourself some time to search your heart. I don't know where my ex and I stand but I know I want him to be a part of my life.

bgirl2

Joined: 2/14/2006

Msg: 59 (view)

Why do some women stay in abusive relationships? Posted: 11/5/2006 8:37:10 AM
Your Girl message 13 It's so TRUE. Sadly we shame and blame the ONE person who I like to think of of as a survivour not a VICTIM. Our society looks down on someone who is having this happen to them. Why do we never make the person doing it accountable? I have never understood how we expect the abused person to be accountable and therefore responsible for another person's behaviour. It is so...wrong. We have to STOP doing this. One poster made a reference to the woman being weak. I believe she is courageous. It's all about changing one's attitude. Learning to walk with your head held up high.

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