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 Author Thread: Clueless
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Clueless
Posted: 8/6/2012 3:59:12 PM

Does it sound like he was interested?
No, not really.


Why would a guy kiss a girl on both cheeks if he only just met her?
Cultural. Many cultures kiss on both cheeks as a way of saying hello and goodbye. Men will kiss other men that way, women will kiss other women, etc.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Is he interested ?
Posted: 8/6/2012 3:44:10 PM
Wait a minute-- did you tell the original guy you were going out with his friend, or did you tell the friend guy you had already dated the original guy?
In either case-- why???
 landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
why is it so one sided ?
Posted: 8/6/2012 2:32:40 PM

I guess i tried hard to try and convince him we are not all like that :)
Not your job. It's HIS job to deal with his issues, not dump them on someone else and expect them to worth out his problems. If you feel yourself doing this again in another relationship, stop and re-think it.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
why is it so one sided ?
Posted: 8/6/2012 1:52:22 PM
Maybe it's just me, but it appears there's something missing here.
You went from him sending you very short and snotty messages .. basically questioning you and accusing you of no good...
to you returning from your holiday and making a real effort to prove how much he meant to you .. lovely messages , family party and paid for a lovely hotel room etc

The part I'm missing is what happened in between his snotty messages and you bending over backwards to please him.
Was there a discussion about how his behavior was unacceptable? Was there a huge apology on his part with HIM making an effort to prove how much you meant to him?
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Relationship/FWB
Posted: 8/5/2012 5:37:14 PM
If you have to ask, then you don't feel secure.
I'd say you're FWB.
If you want to avoid this confusion in the future, I suggest you build physical intimacy at the same rate as emotional intimacy, and don't rush either.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Independant
Posted: 8/5/2012 9:22:11 AM
Is your problem with the misspelling of the word in their profiles, or is that your mistake?
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Do I Contact Him or Not?
Posted: 8/4/2012 11:18:07 PM
What do you hope to gain out of contacting him?
Do you want him back?
Are you getting in touch hoping he'll tell you he made a mistake?
It sounds like you feel he "wanted to talk" because you're hoping (projecting) he has unfinished business with you.

It makes no sense to contact him unless you're clear about what you want out of it.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
What happened to the call for a second date?
Posted: 8/4/2012 9:25:32 AM
It's hilarious (in a sad way) how you immediately paint the guy as a lying cheater (even though he's well-known in the community and you share mutual friends) because he didn't follow up with more and more texts to you.
Maybe just maybe he gave it some thought and decided
1-you really weren't someone he wanted to pursue OR
2-he doesn't feel he owes you constant texting throughout the day/week.

I don't know where you come from, but in my book. a man texting me a few times for a couple of days isn't an indication that he "came on strong".
Besides, didn't he make it clear "he had his kids for the next week" ? Maybe you're just not a huge priority for him at this stage and he his life doesn't revolve around the 1 date he had with you.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Why can't people just tell the truth?
Posted: 8/3/2012 10:48:36 PM
I don't get what your complain is.
You were dating a girl.
She wasn't your girlfriend, which would indicate there had been no agreement to be exclusive.
She told you she wasn't ready for a relationship.
You were both then free to date other people, so she did.
Why would she owe you an explanation about who else she dates if she's not your girlfriend, and there's been no commitment? Why are "other" sources reporting to you about her?
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Has this happened to anyone else on a first date??
Posted: 8/3/2012 9:45:04 PM

You're going to show up on some candid camera show.
That's what I was thinking.
"Boiling Points" comes to mind
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
pics with other people
Posted: 8/3/2012 5:15:12 PM
So you ask her a direct question and she replies with "awkward"? What is she, 12 years old?

Maybe she's using FB photos of you to make someone else jealous.
I predict that she'll ask you out for a specific time and place and "accidentally" run into her ex.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Dealing with Neighbours
Posted: 8/3/2012 12:32:38 PM
If marijuana is illegal where you live, call whoever deals with that and lodge a complaint.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Who asks for the first meeting/date?
Posted: 8/3/2012 12:25:04 PM
It's not "beneath" me to ask a man out.
I just don't like men who are unwilling or unable or too lazy or too "shy" or too ____ to ask me out.
In other words, I am not attracted to those types of passive men who need/want/expect a woman to make the first move.
They simply aren't man enough for me.
What can I say-- I like a man with balls: a confident, assertive, go-getter type man.

I'm sure there are plenty of women who don't mind pursuing a man + plenty of men who like to be pursued.
To each their own.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 38 (view)
 
Who asks for the first meeting/date?
Posted: 8/3/2012 12:08:20 PM
If a man doesn't have the guts to ask me out, he's not the man for me.
Whether that means he's too weak or he's not interested.
Men who go after what they want (me) are much more my type.
I've never been attracted to men I would have to pursue.

I know some women like wearing the pants in a relationship and for whatever reason, feel they have to be the aggressor in order to get a man. Those men go along for the ride because it's easy and convenient.

Lazy men aren't for me, but I guess for some, it's better than nothing -or being single.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
At what age do girls give up on bad boys?
Posted: 8/3/2012 9:43:58 AM
When their 2nd baby is born and the "baby daddy" is still with his other baby mama and there's no diapers.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Should I get a legal name change?
Posted: 8/3/2012 9:42:25 AM
What's your middle name?
You can use M. middle name last name
M. Henry Hegemon.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Do men act more considerate to you when you are thinner?
Posted: 8/3/2012 9:27:03 AM
I got A LOT more attention from men of all ages after I'd gained weight.
Men were friendlier, chattier, approached more, and were much nicer to me when I was 20 pounds heavier.

Being very slender, few would approach me, much less talk to me-- aside from the c0cky bstards. They'd look and stare, but wouldn't say much.

This may have changed if I'd gained 50-70 pounds though.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Prepaid singles trip and a brand new relationship two months before.
Posted: 8/2/2012 9:41:05 PM
What's wonderful about a guy who, at only 60 days of knowing you, is



showing signs of jealousy
attempting to "control" me
this insecure?


I think you should cancel him and enjoy Bali guilt-free! Because even if he relents and "let's" you go, he'll make you pay for it.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
a questin for you divoirced guys, ( or ladies)
Posted: 8/2/2012 4:59:36 PM
I'd always want to keep the door and line of communication open.

I know a woman who has 4 grown children, plus grandchildren and all but 1 has been married, divorced and remarried, some with children from both spouses. Her second husband also has grown children, some married, some remarried.

Their policy is to remain neutral and welcome all. It just makes life easier not to have to pick sides, get involved in their drama, cut off one grandchild's parent but not the other, etc.
Spouses and former spouses know this is how it works. Drama stops at the front door.
 landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Double Dating on The First Meet
Posted: 8/2/2012 4:11:12 PM
I'd go with the flow-- whatever works.
Wouldn't mind if we both brought a friend.
 landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Should I just stay out of it?
Posted: 8/2/2012 4:05:31 PM
Bullies and their victims have a lot in common.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Question for serial daters
Posted: 8/2/2012 9:37:23 AM
Always gotta have a pair and a spare.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
What's for Dinner?
Posted: 8/2/2012 9:35:16 AM
Some people enjoy a lifestyle that appears to be out of your reach.
Others are ok with a $2 cup of lousy coffee.
Just try to date at your own level, and date the types of women whose expectations of how they allow themselves to be treated match yours
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Fear of Someone better coming along
Posted: 8/2/2012 9:29:22 AM
If I thought someone was worth the effort, I'd make the effort to meet them.
Otherwise, I really can't be bothered.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Sights set too high?
Posted: 8/2/2012 9:22:57 AM
Your wedding photo isn't doing you any favors.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Living with Jack Spratt!
Posted: 8/1/2012 4:45:44 PM
I resolved a similar experience by taking over the majority of the food shopping and cooking and prepared meals we could both enjoy- steak (3 ounces of red meat is fine), baked potatoes, salad. Portion control is key.

As far as donuts and cookies, if he wants to keep a supply in the house, you can still enjoy if you can limit your intake. One cookie a couple of times a week won't hurt. Half a donut now and then is ok.
And then burn off an extra 100 calories a few times a week to compensate.
(That's assuming you don't ask him /he does agree to cut back on what he brings into the house.)
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Is he interested ?
Posted: 8/1/2012 1:59:16 PM
How does he know if he's "serious about you" when he really doesn't even know you very well after only a few dates?
And how could YOU know if you're serious about him? You don't even know who he is yet.

Don't put your life on hold waiting for him or to see where it goes-- obviously he's not doing that. He's a single guy on vacation and I guarantee he's having "fun". I mean, come on-- he went to Greece !
He's entitled to meet people, have fun, date you, etc.
You're allowed to do the same.

Just relax and see what happens when he gets back. Get to know him better before you decide if you should consider him someone to be serious about.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Too full on?
Posted: 8/1/2012 11:58:37 AM

To me it's acting desperately

yet on your first date you drank 2 bottles of wine and slept at his place.
And consider him "needy"?

My thoughts are you send mixed messages.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
penfriends
Posted: 8/1/2012 11:00:55 AM
If you Google "military penpals" you get about 46,600 results xx
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Bars and Over 40
Posted: 8/1/2012 10:57:55 AM
I don't do the "bar" scene-- haven't done that in over 25 years-- but since I dance ballroom (salsa, swing, etc), the venues I go offer completely a different atmosphere than just a typical watering hole.
The focus is on dancing and being social, not drinking, getting drunk and/or hooking up.
Also, that kind of dancing attracts the over 40 crowd.

You're not the wrong age, you're just in the wrong place.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
When To Make It Official?
Posted: 8/1/2012 9:14:06 AM
I would think that 13 hours together would be a little soon to commit your life to someone else.
But that's just me.
I prefer to actually let the person reveal who they really are over a period of a few months.
But that's just me.
Experience has taught me that men who come on strong are hiding something about themselves.
But that's just me.

I wonder how the men would feel if the roles were reversed and the woman was moving fast, talking about "us", expecting exclusivity after 2 dates, and wanting to meet the family. I don't think you'd get the same encouragement to "go for it."
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Toning it down?
Posted: 7/31/2012 2:03:26 PM
There's a fine line between sounding like a witty, funny person and just a sarcastic, caustic bwitch.

Being bombarded with sarcasm and jokes can be tiresome. People might wonder if there's a real person inside the Joan Rivers impersonator, or if you just have nothing of substance to say.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
To Shy Or Just Friends??
Posted: 7/31/2012 1:25:33 PM
If you've never met or spoken to them, what makes you believe they're women?
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
My bad -- But what the hell?
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:36:28 AM
You say "Shouldn't have entertained it any further -- my bad."
and apparently he felt the same.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
She's 18, I'm 26... this isn't gonna work, is it?
Posted: 7/31/2012 9:31:50 AM
Does she have her own place?
Does she have a car, pay her own bills, and maintain her independence?
Or is she a kid living with mom and dad, rent-free, taking a class or two at community college and working part-time at the mall?
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
past loves
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:48:17 PM
If you want a casual, no-strings sexual relationship without any expectations of commitment or a future together, he'd be your man.
Hey, some people don't require or want much more.
He is some women's dream-- no pressure, no commitment, no push for a future, convenient, emotionally unavailable, with just enough potential drama to keep it edgy yet shallow.

Not something I'd go for, but that doesn't mean another woman wouldn't jump at the chance to hook up with a guy like him, especially if they're over a certain age.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Taking responsibility for being played
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:41:03 PM
Oh puh-leeze.
Being raped is not even close to being in the same category as climbing into bed with a guy you hardly know because he told you things you wanted to hear.
Haven't women wised up YET???
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Is everyone this closed minded??
Posted: 7/30/2012 10:34:40 PM
The other guy on another thread (deleted, as usual) was moaning about how his height kept him from getting a girl, and wah wah why don't women ever give vertically challenged men a chance?

Just take this OP's words and apply them to every "nice guy" out there:
"Are there any nice gals out there who wont let this little thing be in the way who also has a good heart and who enjoys sports and being active and likes dogs and is open minded and accepts people for who they are, not for what they have??"

It's just another "I'm so nice, but girls don't like me and would just rather go out with a****ead" thread from "a decent guy" like him.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Advise on what to do with this girl.
Posted: 7/30/2012 8:17:14 PM
If she doesn't give you her number, ignore her and keep looking.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Is everyone this closed minded??
Posted: 7/30/2012 8:13:35 PM
The ears may not be the cause of the problem.
It could be the shoulder.
That big chip on it.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
can pics of younger days give insight into the person of today?
Posted: 7/30/2012 7:45:38 PM
Why see how someone looked at 30 when they're 55?
When people offer to share old, dated photos, I feel they're trying to relive their glory days.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
What's the deal with this guy?
Posted: 7/30/2012 6:27:09 PM

I wonder why this guy keeps randomly popping up periodically, but never asks me out. What's the deal?

Why should he? You seem to be doing all the asking. And since you get the "friend" vibe from him, he probably just sees you as someone friendly to go hang out with every now and then.


Is he just trying to be nice by staying in touch?

What, like that's a bad thing?


if even he wants a platonic friend, he's not making much of an effort in that department either.

I have many friends and quite a few I only speak with every month or so and we get together for lunch or something. You're not his besty friendy, but he appears to enjoy doing any activity you, as an acquaintance/friend, suggest now and then.


if someone wants to spend time with you, they'll make the effort.
-e-mails me to say hi
-he pops up again and asks how I'm doing
-he randomly texts me

Mmmkay.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 46 (view)
 
How to ask about debt......??
Posted: 7/30/2012 5:06:01 PM
Just because you ask doesn't mean you'll be told the truth.
After only 4 dates, there's no way of knowing whether or not you can or should trust her word yet.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Taking responsibility for being played
Posted: 7/30/2012 2:15:24 PM
Listen up men:
"Let's be exclusive" said by a man after 1-4 dates is a sure way to start getting laid and other fun perks.
Once the woman thinks you're her "boyfriend" she'll start planning things, spending money, providing entertainment, and sleeping with you!
By the time she figures it out and monitors your POF usage, you're already on your next option.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
found out woman is actually married!!
Posted: 7/30/2012 2:07:32 PM
Oh now I've changed my mind.
Yes DO try to find her phone number. Go stalker on her ass, right? Hunt the bwitch and her man down!

Don't worry about details. Don't bother to ask her about it . Go with your first idea -- hunt down her husband and tell on her.

Make it easy on yourself and assume you got the right house and the right phone number and the right woman. And if a MAN answers-- any man-- tattle on his wife.

Blindly ride your moral high horse into their marriage (assuming she's married of course) and do whatever it takes to make sure you've protected the world from one more straying spouse. That's your God-given duty as a citizen of this world-- to rat and tattle on people you don't really know about situations you haven't tried to verify.

Be the hero. This is your chance to really make a difference! Seize it.
And if a man comes after you because 1- you got the wrong house and/or 2-his wife says you've been stalking her and tried to assault her, well, that's the consequences of "doing right" and "enjoyinlife".

But yeah, wedge yourself in that mess and let it rip!!
Report back after you do the deed so we can all congratulate you!!
 landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
What does this mean for guys??
Posted: 7/30/2012 12:15:58 AM
Are you really hung up on one word ("seeing") that you don't seem to pay much attention to the "I'm gonna go to this party and go to strip clubs and get drunk lol hook me up with one of your friends?" ?

I think you know what he means when he says he's "seeing" you and doesn't want to be in any kind of relationship with you.
 landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
found out woman is actually married!!
Posted: 7/30/2012 12:06:28 AM
Get a life and go live it.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 49 (view)
 
LOOKING FOR MR. GOODBAR
Posted: 7/29/2012 11:08:57 PM
Meh
There are a lot of Horny Old Broads out there who are more than willing to booze it up and go home with a stranger because they are what they are: horny old broads.
I doubt most have any deep issues or are"self-destructive " or lead a "mundane existence".
They're just desperate for meat.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Looking for my best friend and whatnot
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:12:57 PM
The truth is, a lot of people just aren't "creative" in general, and many aren't creative when it comes to writing things.
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
call me anytime
Posted: 7/29/2012 9:10:57 PM
Maybe he thought you hung up on HIM (you said "the phone started making weird sounds and the call was disconnected") so he didn't attempt further contact.
 
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