Hes my fallback guy but I want something new. chat & forums.

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Thread: Hes my fallback guy but I want something new.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Hes my fallback guy but I want something new. Posted: 11/18/2009 3:56:56 AM
This is not complicated. You're young and stringing this guy along. Don't make him a fallback guy. If you repeat this behaviour I can see your future filled with posts such as "Everything changed after we had sex and he doesn't call or text me anymore." If your heart isn't in it, LET HIM GO!!! Guys who are led on tend to close off their hearts in later relationships.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Reeling in and headed for shore :\ Posted: 11/4/2009 8:03:11 PM
This just screams "Pity Post" The guys who have had luck with POF are not likely to be here to respond to your post.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

The Love of My Life is Gone Forever Posted: 11/4/2009 8:01:07 PM
It sucks that you are going through this but there are couple of things you need to do right away. FIrst off, take down your profile. It can only hurt you right now. If she sees it, for any reason, you are completely hooped. Secondly, give her a little space and then start to seriously woo her. Don't just tell her you've changed - Show her you've changed. Lastly, if she isn't interested understand she isn't interested. Pick yourself up, start the healing process and move on. Know in your heart you did what you could and she decided you weren't right for her. Don't base your existence on seeking validation for her, or another human being, and just try to be a better person. Treat it as a life lesson. I know it is hard to see it right now but eventually you must see it that way or it will tear you to pieces. Good luck and may the force be with you. You're gonna need it!

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

The Love of My Life is Gone Forever Posted: 11/3/2009 8:01:34 PM
You sound like a complete and utter tool. Use this opportunity to change your ways. PS, nice touch showing "divorced" on your profile. You would do well to forget about dating and concentrate on changing your ways. Who knows - perhaps if you show some progress and improvement she'll come back.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

help Posted: 11/1/2009 5:03:21 AM
You two sound made for each other. (Where is the eyeroll thingy when I need it???) To be perfectly honest, you just don't understand, norhave the skillset, to maintain an affair. It's a different animal altogether. Since everyone else is riding your ass, I will throw you a few bones here: 1. Understand what it really is and set ground rules. Is it just for sex, an emotional connection, or therapy? 2. Understand that these things can end or go on hiatus at anytime very, very abruptly. 3. Affairs take more finesse and nuance than regular relationships. Clinginess (especially from the guy) can kill it quickly. So far it sounds like you are 0/3. My advice to you is to break it off and find someone available. Clearly she isn't.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

He's engaged to be married. Posted: 9/30/2009 6:27:15 AM
Why don't you write your post in MS Word or some other word processing program and then copy and paste it? What you've posted above is just a Berlin Wall of text that I am not going to climb over. The other thing you could do is break it down into bullet points so we can get the gist of your issue. We don't need the whole life story.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

How do I help her? Posted: 9/29/2009 5:35:19 PM
You don't. She has to work through it herself. That's it. You can listen, maybe offer a few sage words of wisdom but at the end of the day there is nothing you can do. She has to work through it.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Getting burned out on dating? Posted: 9/29/2009 4:45:15 PM
OP, Your profile seems like a wild exercise in free association. Aside from the photos, there is nothing there that interests me. Try writing a paragraph that describes yourself. What you've got there now, combined with the fact that you list your profession as a psychotherapist, might send most guys to the next profile.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?! Posted: 9/20/2009 7:16:13 PM
Trust me, she'll be more trouble than she's worth. Women that are interested make time for dates. *Period. End of Discussion. Over and Out.* Continue at your own peril.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Right girl just not right time? Posted: 9/15/2009 7:16:36 PM
Dude, listen carefully: I had this exact same situation in July of 2008. A few weeks ago, after sending her a "hi, what's up email" I hear from her fiancee that she is getting married and is much too busy to respond to my email. So much for concentrating on school. Look, words are just bullshit. Actions count. If she really wanted to spend time with you, she would.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Do You Guys Ever Get Excited about a woman and show it? Posted: 9/13/2009 9:45:04 AM
I used to but I don't any longer. The minute you show too much interest via excitement, the less interested she becomes and the whole thing craters.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

do ladies with tattoos and piercings turn you on? Posted: 9/11/2009 5:44:15 PM
No. I don't like tatts on women. It's like slapping a bumper sticker on a ferrari. As far as I'm concerned, a woman's body is a work of art as it is. Tatts just distract me and detract.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

I'm just really pissed off Posted: 9/10/2009 7:29:31 PM
Well, you know what they say..... It is better to be pissed off than pissed on. Dude, don't let it get to you. It happens to every guy at some point in his life. You're probably better off without her. Find someone else to focus your attention on.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 385 (view)

why dont most men keep it trimmed ?? Posted: 9/6/2009 5:40:29 AM
I agree with busterrm. I use a body groomer specifically designed for men (I think it is made by Phillips) and it is safe and painless to use. Trust me lads, the women will definitely spend more time in that area if it is trimmed. It doesn't need to be shaved - just trimmed.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

wats wrong with me???? Posted: 9/5/2009 8:56:44 PM
I was about to reply to this train wreck of a post but, even in my inebriated state, realized that the OP is from more than two years ago. I certainly hope she has refrained from any further breeding. Honestly, getting back together and being impregnated by a guy who left her previously for a fling with her friend???

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

At what age do you Just Give Up? Posted: 9/5/2009 8:38:15 PM
I didn't give up but I did move on from dating almost a year ago. I'm much less frustrated now and I think in a better place should someone cross my path I am genuinely interested in.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 157 (view)

Promised to call. Didn't But checked POF mail HELP PLS Posted: 9/4/2009 1:33:44 PM
How the hell does this thread still have traction? It's over. She's been gone and come back under a different username. If she were smart, she would concentrate on raising her children and forget about dating for a while. Clearly, her posts indicate she is not emotionally stable enough to pursue a relationship.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

ex encounter Posted: 9/4/2009 12:08:21 PM
Go to the party if you want but under no circumstances do the dinner thing for your birthday. Try something different this year.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 49 (view)

who is happy at 39 Posted: 9/2/2009 6:23:28 PM
I turned 39 in June and I'm having the worst f-ing time ever.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Might throw in the towel Posted: 8/29/2009 8:15:24 PM
You look constipated in that photo. That, combined with the other photos, do not bode well for you. There is no doubt in my mind you could attract more attention with some new photos and a more upbeat and expanded profile. I see potential. You just have to seize it.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Might throw in the towel Posted: 8/29/2009 7:24:09 PM
I do have hair, i am not bald and i have no problem losing the hat in appropriate situations. ie going out to dinner, having sex.... Yes, but she can't tell that from your profile.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Might throw in the towel Posted: 8/29/2009 6:59:57 PM
Lose the photos with the baseball hats and retool your profile. It needs to be much more upbeat. I think if you do this, you'll get a much better response rate. Good luck. At least you have height on your side.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

help??? Posted: 8/26/2009 7:29:23 PM
You can't reason with Crazy. Yes, it is good to be all virtuous and upstanding but that requires the other party to uphold their end of the bargain. I think you can safely walk away and forget about the truck deal without losing face. Seriously, you would do well to improve your judgment skills. Good luck and stay strong.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

help??? Posted: 8/26/2009 6:54:57 PM
Wow, What a winner! If she is not returning your calls, I would forget about the deal to sell her the truck. She sounds like a Grade A nutcase and you need therapy to work through your issues of allowing yourself to be treated like a piece of trash. WTF man! Allowing her to physically harm you and break your ear drum??? In my book that is grounds for immediate dismissal and termination of the relationship. Dude, relationships aren't supposed to be that difficult and that much work.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

why does a guy stop calling? Posted: 7/10/2009 5:37:31 AM
Are you really serious? Since you asked... He was likely driving hard to the hoop on Saturday night with you and then gets fouled out. When you didn't respond to any of his sexually suggestive txt msgs he bailed on out. Sorry, but you are probably better off. If it isn't moving forward, he's moving on, at least in his mind. PS, I can't fathom how much mail you must receive. Your profile must garner a staggering amount of attention.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Broken heart Posted: 7/4/2009 8:37:38 PM
Sam, Like growing older which happens imperceptibly from day to day, it will hurt less with each passing day. Give yourself a deadline for feeling like shit and thinking about him. Circle it on the calendar. Use the time to figure out if you really want him back if he decides to return. Once that date arrives, use a diversionary tactic if you find yourself thinking about him. Compose an email or letter to a friend you haven't spoken to in a while if you think about him. The idea is to give yourself something to take your mind off of your lost love. This worked for me last year. The key is finding the diversionary tactic that works for you. Don't look at his profile. At all. EVER!!! You look lovely and I hope you work through this without too much difficulty.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 111 (view)

Promised to call. Didn't But checked POF mail HELP PLS Posted: 7/3/2009 5:37:24 PM
More or less, they are very crafty. Especially with i love you phrase. A man says that to you and you melt you cant help it. You have a lot to learn, Peachez. I can't believe you actually believe this.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

On line Dating makes me sick Posted: 7/2/2009 8:27:09 PM
And it looks like Elvis has left the building!

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

wow..it's really hitting me now. Posted: 7/2/2009 6:25:27 AM
Actions speak louder than words; WHO CARES WHAT HE SAYS; WHAT DOES HE DO!!! This is so true. Everyone experiences this at some point. I'll never again make the mistake of listening to what she said instead of observing what she did.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

They say you can't meet a wife at a bar...???????? Posted: 7/2/2009 6:19:10 AM
Well, you can find a wife at a bar. The only problem is that she usually belongs to someone else. Anyway, just like you can't push string uphill, you just have to let things flow around you. Maybe you'll find her and maybe you won't but just concentrate on putting yourself in a position where you are prepared if she does show up. Or, you can be like me and just say fcuk it, I'm not really interested anymore, and get out of the pool.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 102 (view)

Promised to call. Didn't But checked POF mail HELP PLS Posted: 6/30/2009 5:54:56 PM
Snarkmeister, your profile is hilarious!!! By the way, did anyone else get email from the OP about this thread? Other than that, she seems to have disappeared from it.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Flavour of the Month Posted: 6/30/2009 5:26:57 AM
Yeah. Some people are just serial daters and like an empty vodka bottle, you'll be tossed to the curb. It sucks but you just have to let go. I'm sorry to hear it happened to you.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

I don't know what to do,please help! Posted: 6/29/2009 5:09:23 AM
So you have a guy that just came off a deployment from a war zone in a foreign country and you're upset that he didn't call you after a first meeting? Don't you think he might be a little busy and maybe has a few issues to work out after being at war and all? You need to give this guy some latitude. Sheesh!

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

How can I make just friends into something more? Posted: 6/28/2009 6:27:09 PM
Sorry to break it you but it ain't happening. The key is when you said that you moved on after seven months of "faux dating." Unless he is extraordinarily shy, he would have made a move on you by now. The only way you will find out for sure is to flat out ask him. If you do that, be warned that he may freak out and it can change your friendship permanently. Personally, I'd fish in another pond.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Why Are Men Over 30 Drama Shy? Posted: 6/28/2009 6:17:21 PM
To me it means this: I don't want a woman in my life that is going to complicate it and make it more difficult than before I started having a relationship with her. When the relationship becomes unbalanced ( ie, there is more downside than upside) I seriously consider an exit strategy.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

broke up with her AGAIN! Posted: 6/28/2009 6:20:35 AM
I'd concentrate on talking things through with a professional to get your relationship with your dad back on track. The impression that I get is that you want to have a relationship with him but don't have the tools to get it back on track with him after years of diverging direction. Women will come and go but you only have one Dad. Concentrate on that.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

I'm really finding it hard to not turn bitter.. Posted: 6/28/2009 6:14:36 AM
Kendra, If you are finding flaws in others too quickly and are self sabotaging potential friendships, you should strongly consider seeing a therapist. It is normal to be leery and "on guard" going into new relationships but it sounds like you are taking it to the extreme and that is not normal. Find a professional to talk it out with. They'll be able to help you distinguish between being on guard and being completely closed off. Good luck and don't try to force something you are not ready to handle.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Why is our ability to cook/clean so important to men? Posted: 6/27/2009 7:37:31 PM
Because you really don't offer much else. Division of labour and tasks are what ran society effectively for so long. Now that gender roles have been completely obscured, the whole planet seems to be fubar'd. A lot of the women that I know don't cook or clean yet still expect the man to do all the manly stuff like caring for the yard, cars, and do the cooking/cleaning. I'm really in for it now!!!

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Why? Posted: 6/27/2009 7:32:26 PM
You've got two choices - beat 'em or join 'em. Obviously you can't beat them with your "nice guy" persona so that leaves join the arsehole crowd. Kill off your inner nice guy and you'll probably have more luck.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Profile Help Please Posted: 6/27/2009 7:27:17 PM
I'd lose the photos in which you are not smiling. A couple of them look like arrest photos. Also, try and provide some insight into what you are looking for in a mate. Do you like quiet, reserved girls or more outspoken women? Brainy girls or artistic ones? Do you see where I'm going with this? Lastly, maybe eliminate some of the personal asides as it slows down the flow of the profile if you are having a conversation with yourself.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Does sex become more mental as men age? Posted: 6/27/2009 7:15:37 PM
Nah. I still use my dic/k. It provides a more satisfying experience for both parties.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Has anyone ever heard/been in a pseudo-relationship? Posted: 6/27/2009 7:11:10 PM
That sure sounds like a ticket to ride on the heartbreak express. Count me out.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

When she keeps hanging around with the old boyfriend Posted: 6/27/2009 3:01:14 PM
I would not be happy, nor tolerate this situation. Period. End of story. She can choose him or she can choose me but not both.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

If you & the man you were dating were older, would you wait till marriage for sex? Posted: 6/27/2009 2:52:00 PM
I have to agree with everyone else. I think I would move on as well. Sex is an important part of a relationship and at that age, I wouldn't put it off in the hopes of marriage. Besides, you might not even want to get married?

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

broke up with her AGAIN! Posted: 6/27/2009 7:06:08 AM
Hey, Scrappy! Get out of the house. Go exercise or go for a walk. Read a book. Have coffee at a different cafe in your area. DO SOMETHING THAT OCCUPIES YOUR TIME CONSTRUCTIVELY. Crying your eyes out and thinking about her won't help you. You have to move on, man. Don't let your emotions hold you hostage. Yeah, it is one thing to feel sorrow, grief, etc, but it sounds like you're incapacitated.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar? Posted: 6/27/2009 6:21:04 AM
I avoid them personally (Bi Polar men). I am the kind of person who likes to know each day when I wake up and see soemone I will be dealing with the same person. Not someone who will go off on me for no reason, and pop a xanax (and God only knows what else)just to have normal conversation. At least she admitted it. Most people do not. Although it is pretty easy to tell in person after a couple times. The disease can be pretty extreme. Yep, you nailed it completely. You just never know who the person will be on any given day. Is it the sweet and caring one or the rip your head off, paranoid, total raving lunatic. Never again will I make that mistake!

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar? Posted: 6/26/2009 1:50:33 PM
I dated a girl last year (it wasn't bipolar but undiagnosed borderline personality disorder) and I would never date someone with it again. It really is too difficult. Dating is hard enough as it is - why add extra stress and complexity?

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 92 (view)

Promised to call. Didn't But checked POF mail HELP PLS Posted: 6/26/2009 1:25:37 PM
apparently that guy doesnt realize what he is missing. so , quite plainly, **** him. every woman is entitled to dream about the man perfect for them. if some slouch is just on here prowling for sex or playing the liars role, well then, im sure karma has a special gift for him. and from talking with you, i believe you are a fine outstanding young woman who is just one of the very few hopeless romantics left. i hope you do find what your looking for without having tomend your heart anymore. WTF? See, it just proves that there really is someone for everyone!!!

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Ex asked to see me... I went Posted: 6/26/2009 6:24:48 AM
Congratulations! You've just become the world's newest cuddle b/i/t/c/h! Man, she is so using you! Wake up. For the love of all things holy, wake up man! PS, this will never change with her. She thrives on drama and won't outgrow it. You can't wait it out. Tell her to go back to Ex#2.

torontowriter

Joined: 6/12/2009

Msg: 37 (view)

tired of being lonely Posted: 6/24/2009 8:32:00 PM
People have got to get over the "good job" issue. You can always train someone for a better job/career but you can't always teach someone to be loving, caring and considerate. I think many good prospective mates are overlooked because s/he is just a (insert unglamorous job). You know, there are a lot of successful people of strong character and values who pushed a broom in a factory before they made it big time.

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