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Thread: How important is chivalry in an relationship to you?

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 68 (view)

How important is chivalry in an relationship to you? Posted: 6/18/2009 10:23:57 PM
Lol...oh,ok, change it to "Car door" when it works more to your advantage, when the building door didn't. Its funny you changed the question, when you found out it didn't get your expected answer. Here's my view on opening car doors. I have two vehicles. One that unlocks doors automatically and one that does manually. No, no...in my head i automatically thought CAR door but didn't think it would be misinterpreted that i left the word car out. but did so ...sorry. building door, of course i would expect responses like "whoever gets there first." first it was semantics, now it's technicalities - automatic or manual...

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 66 (view)

How important is chivalry in an relationship to you? Posted: 6/18/2009 10:02:39 PM
Hey....if I get to the door first, I'm opening it for him and whoever else might be following behind. Go back to my post, I edited it and added CAR. If it makes no difference for you then perhaps hook up with the men on here who are advocating for equal rights for dating. Because treating you equal in dating is no better than treating you equal as a co-worker in the workplace :D

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 57 (view)

How important is chivalry in an relationship to you? Posted: 6/18/2009 9:38:57 PM
Can we get over the semantics of chivalry? The historical origin of the word is of little relevance today. To me chivalry is synonymous with being a gentleman. And that's a man who displays impeccable manners, treats his woman with deep respect and adores her completely. A man who intuitively understands her needs and desires, and does little things for her without being asked. He does this for no other woman but for his love. Of course when a woman has a gentleman like that – he's a keeper, she will take care of her man and ensure his needs are met too ;) Some men say chivalry is dead. Some men say this is the 21st century (2009). Some men say today we have equal rights. What these men don't say is that: they have not met a woman who have respected their belief on chivalry. Picture this on a Valentine's date: a) A woman opening and holding the CAR door for her husband. b) A husband opening and holding the CAR door for his wife. Which one is about equal rights? Which one is more respectable? I'm all for equal rights, but if a man wants to look like a wuss so be it. EDIT: OKAY I EDITED AND ADDED CAR....

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 53 (view)

Dinner on the first date? Posted: 6/18/2009 8:18:12 PM
Dinner on a first date is classy. It also shows a degree of seriousness about meeting someone to DATE and not about games. Granted women can't weed out the players on a first dinner date alone. But most players aren't interested in entertaining you or spending money on you, their goal is to get sex while incurring the least expense or none at all. That's not to say all coffee daters are out to get sex...but the truth is players aren't interested in wining and dining a woman or for that matter dating them at all, nor do they want to take the time to know you on a personal level. But if I were to think like a man, maybe a coffee date is best – leave it open to decide later if the woman is worth dating or can make it into friends with benefits? A dinner date makes things a bit serious doesn't it ?

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 52 (view)

Dinner on the first date? Posted: 6/18/2009 4:40:28 PM
Dinner being too long a time together is not the problem. By the time you want to meet someone you should already know them well enough to be certain of enjoying their company at dinner. It takes about two well written emails and a phone call. I think that if your social skills are so poor that arranging for an enjoyable dinner date is beyond your ability, nothing about meeting for a shorter and more tentative first glance is going to help you. It would be better to just excuse yourself from dating until you learned how to share a table without creating a disaster. I totally agree. You said it!!!! There is a man on here who goes on A LOT OF DATES, admitting to seeing 2 to 3 females a week for coffee! Speed dating??? No that does not impress me. I can't see females being impressed with that if they found out. Maybe the intention is to line up some booty? I know the best dates for me are the ones where we take the time to exchange a few emails, chat, and talk on the phone. No this does not take over weeks or months – just a few exchanges. If you're too busy to do that...where are you going to find time to date and talk to this person? You shouldn't be dating in that case. In my dating experiences, I find that the men who request coffee dates...want to be your FRIEND FIRST...and hope that it turns into a romance later on without them treating you to anything but the initial coffee or nothing at all (dutch, yes even on coffee). I think these coffee people just date anyone who gives them the time of day. Maybe they're losers and know (from experience) that if you spend too much time getting to know them prior to meeting you will change your mind. So of course they can't be bothered with dinner dates...they'll feel more of a loser; rejected and in the poor house! I had someone ask me out for a coffee date, but he tried first to get me over to his house...I said no to his place but accepted the coffee date at Starbucks. This was a spontaneous meet...we didn't do a whole lot of chatting and no phone conversations at all (he wasn't interested in that). We met, we didn't hit it off...he told me I could leave if i wanted to. Never had any guy tell me that! haha. I didn't bolt. I figured he's human, not a psycho...we could at least just make conversation with no pressure since we're here already. The next night he asked me if I wanted to come over to his place and have some beer...WTF??? (I was ready to head to bed). He just reeked of desperation.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Debt Posted: 6/18/2009 3:17:14 PM
Dinner dates do not have to be expensive. There are restaurants out there catering to every budget; so I don't think debt is to be blamed but rather an attitude of self-interest and self-righteousness that some hold or jaded from past experiences, or simply just a stingy person! Majority of people have debt and that's normal – part of living life. Mortgage debt or other investments, student loans and such are manageable with steady employment; whereas credit card debts – that I would frown upon (interest rates on those are absurd). We go through life with ups and downs and that includes from a financial standpoint as well – real relationships are like this. I would have a problem with a gambler and their gambling debt, otherwise I don't see why I should not date a person with debt if everything else is fine.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 612 (view)

does anyone get as turned off with a smoker as i do? Posted: 6/18/2009 2:51:46 PM
Smoking is not sexy. It's nasty! The irony of some smokers is that some go to the gym. Hellooooo!!!! You're better off quitting smoking first if you want to be the spitting image of health!

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 107 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/17/2009 6:26:32 PM
And as Tom Hanks said in his portrayal of Forrest Gump: "That's all I have to say about that." GOOD RIDDANCE. sorry couldn't bother reading whatcha wrote up there...but would have paid $50 to get rid of you on a date and send you home in a taxicab. seriously.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 104 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/17/2009 4:57:41 PM
BaldyisBeautiful , Umm thanks for the internet dating vs. traditional dating education...I would have been clueless without your impressive insights! Somewhere I read that you go on A LOT OF DATES...then a coffee date is an excellent choice for you and your piggybank. You do what makes you happy and can live with. People are adults and can decide what they want to do on a date; whether that's coffee, dinner, walking etc. Going dutch is my preference...yes even on coffee too, don't want the equal rights men to think I'm gold-digging. Tradition has absolutely no bearing what-so-ever in modern internet dating, until after two people agree that they have some kind of connection. There are persons who are sponsors of third world children (or other charitable causes) whom make regular monthly donations- they use the internet to communicate with them, yet have NEVER MET THEM IN PERSON and probably never will. Is that going to stop them from donating? These sponsors ask for NOTHING in return. These are generous people with big hearts and can see beyond themselves and their own needs. I have made charitable donations... $100 dollar here $100 dollar there, $25 or $50 to help people I absolutely I don't know and have fed people I also don't know. And i have volunteered my time to people whom I don't know. I'm far from rich, but I'll be damn if I settle down with someone who can not even pay for my dinner. In this sense, yes i'm looking for my equal...nothing to do with equal rights - rather equal in kindness and generosity AND I deserve someone like this! Regardless if men and women eventually make equal monies, women will always want a MAN...as in gentleMAN, class anyone?

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 101 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/17/2009 3:38:36 PM
the mentality of some men on here is the reason I stop dating POF men...and just here for the forums. This is a free site; the old adage is true "you get what you pay for" lol. Really most of us are in these forums because we've given up...that says a lot about POF ers or people in general. I can afford better and no longer use this site for finding someone special. Yes, by golly I paid to be on another site (upperscale site and more classy people). Men there have more substance. Less about what's between their legs and in their pockets.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 99 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/17/2009 3:20:50 PM
Isn't money the root of all evil? Don't a lot of couples fight over finances? Take note ladies which lads on here have a problem with treating you to a drink or dinner on a date - they will be the same ones who will fight over finances in a relationship with you. Before and after a date: - women have roofs over their heads - women have jobs to go to and from - women have nice clothes to wear - women go shopping, prepare dinners and can feed themselves - women can clean and take care of the household and finances - women have social lives with friends and families - women have sex toys, we can hire escorts as well as men can So why do we need men in our lives? Sometimes I wonder too. Can the ugly word "love" play an equation? Love is a taboo subject these days. Too strong of a word for the wusses out there to fathom or experience...they're too busy sussing out the "gold-diggers" and the ones who want a free meal on them rather than going to a soup kitchen.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 97 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/17/2009 2:59:47 PM
You also forget that in "Old World - Traditional Values" it was alright to beat a woman for speaking out of turn. A woman did not have rights other then being property of her man. She was not allowed to own property or vote, and in a lot of cultures was not allowed to enter a bar unless she was a prostitute. Neither was a woman paid as much as a man for any job that was done, in fact there were many fields of work that were un-open to women at all. So basically you are saying you want to get to choose which "Old World - Traditional Values" you want abide by, and which ones you can conveniently toss to the side when you feel they don't fit you. ... not that I have a problem with it. I am just trying to clarify the situation. No i am not picking and choosing which ones to keep. That's really not within my control...I can not control what a man wants , say or do – can I? What I am saying is that some people EVOLVE, they (the Asian men) pick and choose what they want to keep and toss out. There are westernized and modern Asian men among us, yet whom keep their chivalry/Asian values and cherish their women - THIS I ADMIRE. Is it a crime to admire how we want to be treated? I know we can not change people...women just have to go out and find the right ones. So of course we can very well conveniently toss them to the side when they don't fit us, much like the poster of this thread did. When I wrote "Old World - Traditional Values" - I was thinking of chivalry (no not knights in shining armour but the underlying human values these men exhibited for their time), treating women with worth and value, family values...morals - along those lines. But I guess people interpret things the way they want to (choose the negative), please don't pull out the dictionary - most people get the gist.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 89 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/17/2009 10:57:08 AM
This works both ways. A man and a woman should be treating each other right. That includes not expecting someone to pay for you. I knew someone, a man, would come back with a rebuttal like that – I kid you not (I can think like a man, not gentleman, if have to be). Typical. Again that is thinking along equal rights...going back to MONEY again. Does the word "chivalry" not exist in some men's vocabulary or realm of human experience? Women do not really "expect" anything... when we think or say that, we're HOPING chivalry/romance still exists! And yes, we do EXPECT to settle down with a man who will romance us and be chivalrous in spirit. The most sexiest thing in a man is – a gentleman within the man. We're not looking for someone to take care of us, we're looking for someone to take care of our HEARTS. Here's a quiz for the men: Choose two of the following people you would likely spend more time and money on (all females): 1. stranger on the street 2. co-worker 3. hooker 4. a girlfriend/date 4. buddy Now between the two answers, pick the person you would like to keep around. Since chivalry is rare...women have a hard time figuring which of the 4 categories above she fits in when she is in the company of a man. A lot of women's threads/worries stem from that not knowing standpoint. In my culture (the old world – traditional values), the Asian men will automatically cover the bill for a lady in his presence and if it's a group thing, the men will actually fight over paying the bill. They do not see it as a BURDEN...they see it as a manly thing to do; they appreciate and cherish the presence of their other gender. I am a modern day woman, I prefer to go dutch - safer to do so - but would be duly impressed if chivalry is demonstrated without my spelling it out. Women do not like to drop hints - like get me another drink - what is the point if we have to ask? (No honest lady likes to be labeled a gold-digger).

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Any thoughts? Posted: 6/17/2009 9:11:53 AM
Do you have an ENTER key on your keyboard? Using it would help to organize your THOUGHTS better, that's my thought ;)

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 84 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/17/2009 8:31:53 AM
AND I WILL STILL HAVE ALL MY MONEY! MONEY TALKS around here. When this thought is the focus...these people miss the mark on what anyone says – paranoid much?

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 79 (view)

Called a golddigger because I expect a man to buy me a drink? Posted: 6/16/2009 4:34:31 PM
I know there are men who show up late DELIBERATELY to force women into buying their own drinks while waiting for them. Yes, men this happens to women on dates believe it or not...even when the man only lives 10 or 15 mins away he will show up late to get out of paying for the lady (if this has not been discussed). Your chap was 15 minutes late; from your post I gather he is this type of man. Furthermore, he did not reciprocate with getting another round of drinks after you paid for the first round and if this was in a bar or lounge I'd say that's inconsiderate – so overall...yes I have to agree he came across rather rude and stingy. You showed a lot of class by paying for a round of drinks for yourself and HIM...kudos to you! Your rant in this forum is just frustration about this incident like a lot of posts are on here, so I wouldn't judge you based on one post like some others on here. When it comes to dating and reading the posts by women on POF and from my own dating experiences – I've come to conclude there is an utter lack of respect and chivalry from the opposite sex. I truly feel men these days are so tightfisted with their money that they become paranoid and believe every female they date must a be a gold-digger. With this attitude - romance is surely dead. Yes buying drinks is part of showing interest and romancing a woman. Men will be single for a long time...but when he reaches middle age and scared of being alone – with all the money he hoards I'm sure he'll end up buying a girl half his age (no brains, hot body and GOLD DIGGER) and be satisfied! Women are quite independent and can pay our own way; we just want the men to be chivalrous and treat us "right". No this isn't about equal rights/money...THIS IS ABOUT treating "right" a potential partner for you and maybe the mother of your future children – men, THINK ABOUT IT THAT WAY next time you date a woman. That's how a woman thinks...well that's at least how I look at things. All this dating, who buys for who or going dutch is a testament of someone's character and future behavior!!!

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 86 (view)

Weeding out golddiggers with a home-date? WTF? Posted: 6/16/2009 10:05:24 AM
actually home dates are free because you you are cooking up food you allready have, infact much food in our homes gets thrown away anyway, especially us single people who cook for one. I'll be sure to serve you the leftovers ;) Home dates? Let's make it like BYOB, but BYOF (food)!!! lol Like any good hostess with company coming over, there is some degree of preparation and expense involved. Knowing what the guy likes to eat is important so both can enjoy ie. is he vegetarian, any allergies? etc. Additionally TIME spent cooking the food could be a distraction and take away the focus of the actual purpose of the date. In my experience and coming from a woman, cooking up dinner is rather costly and time consuming to be worthwhile on a first date. I would only do this if I know the person well and they can appreciate the time and effort. Cooking in the kitchen can be a very private matter on a first date...if you're not a good cook - you can come across as a klutz, and cleaning up is a pain.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

HOME COOKED MEALS AND MOVIES FOR A FIRST DATE? Posted: 6/16/2009 8:04:33 AM
Of course men know on a first date that meeting anywhere other than a public place is a safety issue for women, but they disregard this notion for some or all of the following reasons: 1. They want to check out your place: Do you live in a nice house/apartment by yourself or share? Matters to them sooner or later in the relationship ;) 2. They are too cheap to properly date you: Condition you early to have dates "at home"; this saves them time and money. 3. They know they're not your type vice versa but want a chance to get it on with you before getting rejected. Counting on that you'll let your guard down as you are in your own home, as opposed to theirs. 4. They are afraid to be seen in public with you. Maybe you're not their type or they already have a gf/wife. 5. They're psycho. You got a number fan.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 62 (view)

What's your deal breaker? (re profiles first glance) Posted: 6/16/2009 7:35:27 AM
Men already have bare bones information about themselves on their profiles – I change my mind about posting my own list – they'll read the responses here and start adjusting their profiles to match what people say. Furthermore, I've noticed some men adapt their profile information overtime to sync with my (regular) profile...it's pretty obvious when i see it; that's a turnoff! I feel a thread like this may encourage insecure people to lie on their profiles or to just change stuff to make you happy reading their profiles; once that's done it's difficult to gauge or have some sense of who they really are. Granted you don't really know someone through a profile alone, but that's all we have to go by to decide whether to contact them or not, n'est-ce pas? There's an abundant of generic profiles out there that don't say much; I pass over these. If someone needs a profile review then it's up to them to ask for one. It's nice though to see them write whatever pleases them. It doesn't matter to me whether it's on a positive or negative note, so long as they put in effort and give a glimpse of who they are or what's going on in their life. Anyways, I believe POF already has a section containing tips and advice for putting together a good profile.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Agree / Disagree Counters for Posted Replies Posted: 6/15/2009 12:06:51 PM
By the way having this feature will have no affect on whether you can debate or not - business goes on as usual. The counter tracks how many people agree or disagree with someone's post and there's no need to take part if you wish not to. the counter would appear to the left where your pic is posted and below your profile links in the forum. There are many times where I have wholeheartedly agree with what someone posted and feel no need to submit my own post that would state the same thing, yet want to support what that particular person has written – instead of making another post to say i agree with what the above person said or 20 persons ahead have said (this would be visually hard to track /follow too).

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Filtering out Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex. Posted: 6/15/2009 10:43:43 AM
ADDENUM... ok so we have an understanding that having the IE filter means: to the poster and the likes of him: "that does NOT mean I want sex with no relationship." from the IE filter users: does not mean that we want relationship without sex either So what's the problem? We're saying the same things in different ways. If you have nothing to hide or haven't tripped the IE filter...why get so hung up on profiles that have this? I do understand the lineups for the Intimate Encounters stretch a mile long and so are the faves list...so I presume that can create headache and frustration for some POFers; so much so that most probably end up contacting other dating categories to get their needs met. To accomplish this task, they desire the most efficient means and discretion (have the IE filter removed).

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

Filtering out Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex. Posted: 6/15/2009 9:45:37 AM
[Quote] I simply don't want someone who has prudish tendencies. That does NOT mean I want sex with no relationship. And I believe that people who select that flag are more likely to have prudish and possibly passive-aggressive tendencies.[Quote] On the same token, people who have that IE filter aren't saying they want a relationship with NO sex either...that would be too presumptuous and without merit. People come from all backgrounds, what one thinks is prudish...another may not – that's why we have opinions and preferences. I tend to see people with the IE filter not as prudish but persons of discerning tastes, values and morals – higher standards they seek in a partner/SO.... Is that very wrong? The word "prudish" comes across very negative...how about I use the word "LOOSE" to describe people of the opposite stance? It fits the bill. sheesh!

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Agree / Disagree Counters for Posted Replies Posted: 6/15/2009 9:07:53 AM
I guess you haven't blogged on pages with you would have seen these counters ... there wouldn't be pages of emoticons or thumbs; there would be a numeric number beside either icon to show support. ie. something that looks like the following: 18 6 You would click the icon that you support and the number would change to reflect your response. Now does that makes sense?

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Agree / Disagree Counters for Posted Replies Posted: 6/15/2009 8:57:07 AM
You've seen these Agree/Disagree (thumbs up/thumps down) counters on blogs of pages that you have surfed or blogged on. Wouldn't it be great if POF implemented them on these threads? I can see several benefits: 1. Reduce the number of redundant replies - ie. you don't want to submit a similar response but want to show your support for a particular response by a poster. 2. Decrease the number of pages for each thread - are 60 pages necessary? 3. Provide a better view of where people stand on the subject/post 4. Highlights posters who have consistently made "spot on" responses or those who don't (thumbs down) What do you guys think about this proposed feature? Do you see more benefits or any disadvantages to the counter? And maybe instead of thumbs up or thumbs down icons we could use these already in place: = agree = disgree

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

the IMs Posted: 6/15/2009 8:07:59 AM
I don't miss them. Half the time they're not working, the other half of the time men use it to send sex messages because POF now filters out them in our mailboxes. Most people just exchange email addresses and chat through their regular messenger which is more reliable and convenient anyways.

ispeakthetruth

Joined: 6/13/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Filtering out Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex. Posted: 6/15/2009 7:50:33 AM
It appears you are doing things backwards to achieve your end goal – wouldn't it be much easier to search for profiles under Intimate Encounters? Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe that's the reason that category is there; hence your needs/concerns have already been taken care of by the creator of POF. My impression on your post is more about blaming and attempting to control matters; skew things towards a self-serving objective to support your imagined loophole/oversight.

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