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tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Sacrifices and choices Posted: 11/1/2009 4:06:40 AM
Last night I saw a film with a central theme I’d long-wondered about – i.e. sacrifice - so I thought I’d thread it here. I’ve searched for similar threads but found none in the Australian forums. I’ve been in relationship situations where sacrifice has become a make-or-break issue. There’ve also been family-related choices which can be pretty hard to deal with. Ignoring small daily compromises, if we accept sacrifice as an inevitability if we want a relationship to prosper, then where are the limits drawn – (a) ‘til comfort zones are seriously breached, (b) ‘til beliefs are badly undermined for the sake of investing in a good relationship, or (c) until we start to question the integrity of the relationship altogether because of (a) and (b)? Is it fair, say, to force a partner to change religion in order to be deemed ‘acceptable’ to marry (or is this outdated?), how far should we use sacrifice as a simple demonstration of commitment to a partner (even if it’s at the expense of our own security), and should sacrifice be measured/appreciated according to its contribution to the relationship or by the extent of deprivation suffered?

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 46 (view)

men...how do we figure them out. Posted: 11/1/2009 1:54:59 AM
Best not get involved with women then. They really mess with your head, or so I've heard. And miss out on tasty treats? That's like food without taste buds, dancing alone, peanut butter without jam. No wuckin' fay. I'll take my chances on the headaches.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Capital letters Posted: 11/1/2009 1:47:53 AM
....I see this and I immediately start to think less of the person....for simply not knowing. Am I being too judgemental? Is it a trend in the language and should I just accept it? No, you shouldn't accept it - grammatical bastardisation is the yardstick by which our dates should be assessed, even if they're street-smart, hot, intelligent & sincere. Don't accept any spelling errors either - another sign of half-arsed effort - especially of basic words like 'judgemental'....although I'm sure none of your date(s) would be judgmental about it.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 40 (view)

men...how do we figure them out. Posted: 10/30/2009 11:20:05 PM
There are men with multi-faceted personalities...? I hope not. I got my dopamine under control a long time ago & I'd like it to stay that way.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 88 (view)

Do women ever play mind games , lie and waste mens time ? Posted: 10/30/2009 10:15:07 PM
I for one second cannot believe that you were in a relationship for 18 months and all of a sudden woke up and voiced 'she is unstable' Post # 85, I'm not sure where exactly good-looking better-be-good-to-me Mafia-type man (Luvulongtime's description) said he was hit by a 'sudden' epiphany. The realisation dawned over time. TTF. Go easy on the guy. Maybe you are just morphing into a reptile................enjoy Oh, that's just chucking farming.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Sophistication or simplicity ? Posted: 10/29/2009 4:24:42 AM
^^ ~Oh-my~, please can I be in your gang? jumps up & down excitedly. Nail on the head. If you were closer, I'd.....well, you know, I'd wear something frilly. I despair about modern definitions of things like class & sophistication. Since when did being a sporty no-necked girlfriend-slapping f***wit who just happens to drive a flash car & live in a large house constitute class (as I overhead someone gushing last week)? For sucks fakes, when did sophistication become a skirt so short that it doubled as a belt, just because came with a Gucci tag and its clotheshorse had long legs (and may as well have whinnied once I heard the language which came out of her mouth)? For me, sophistication is many different things rolled into one, but topped off with humility. And yes, I am sophisticated. It says so on my shampoo bottle.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Strangers on the net, exchanging details Posted: 10/29/2009 4:05:53 AM
Do strangers give a better, more objective perspective? Wouldn't friends give better advice, or do they know too much? A web forum provides an avenue for unbridled honesty if you're willing to bare your soul. Upsides: you can be as open as you like, whereas fear of judgment/shock/abandonment with a friend may get you more than you bargained for. Also, the theory that a captive audience (in the sense that they're - generally - in a dating mindset too) can help shape some form of honest advice/consensus (vs potentially frequently biased friends) is probably appealing to some who have nowhere else to turn and have little experience... and emotions can cause havoc with your head if you're in that category. Apparently. Downside: who knows what muck lives out there behind all those screens? ^^Bookmarked under the Tough Call section. Would anyone actually act on any of the advice/suggestions made by strangers on the internet, about their own personal life? Probably not, but then I'm sufficiently self-aware to make up my own mind. On the other hand (the left one with no ring) I thought I was a wandering white fluffy cloud trapped inside a man's body until yesterday. And would anyone here be put off dating someone if you knew they had a tendency to post details about their dates/relationships and seek advice on a forum... knowing that you could wind up being the subject of their next thread? As long as my name didn't appear anywhere I really couldn't give a monkey's nuts. I know I said I'd be around at 10am to fix your pipes. I just never said which day.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

men...how do we figure them out. Posted: 10/29/2009 2:42:48 AM
OP, you need to do a Forrest. Quickly.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

the art of flirting Posted: 10/28/2009 4:17:58 AM
I agree with Daffie ("i don't think you can learn how to flirt.....there's a big difference in knowing how to flirt in comparison to being an out and out tease."). You can learn art but you can't teach an art...and an art is anything which requires intensity, flair & challenge, immediacy and creative restraint: all rolled into one. Nah, going to charm/flirting school doesn't give anything like the same hot flushes, pounding-in-the-ears-and-chest, and smack between the eyes that flirting does - gooooood, brooding, responsive flirting, that is. The kind that makes slow, intimate kissing feel like a soggy sock by comparison.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 261 (view)

How do you really feel about getting old? Posted: 10/28/2009 3:47:38 AM
This coming from an African demon? Absolutely. Demon by name..... Surely the significant point in being loved and appreciated is that it is by someone whose opinion does matter and is therefore worth something That's a given if we're talking about our nearest & dearest - I'm talking about conformity on a wider scale.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 54 (view)

Sex....beautiful or ugly? Posted: 10/26/2009 6:39:24 AM
Back in the day, one of my best friends was as ugly as a hat full of arseholes (probably still is, if truth be told - we've lost contact). But he had a heart of gold & he was articulate, clever and my God he was hilarious. Perfect combination, ugly or not: the pretty girls (and fugly ones) queued up for him, and - rumour has it - he knew his stuff too. He always knew he lacked the looks and it never put him off....a true champion & role model of the Ugly Hall of Fame.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 259 (view)

How do you really feel about getting old? Posted: 10/26/2009 6:20:38 AM
So am I unusual? Or is this normal? How do you really feel about getting older and looking older? Can you honestly say it doesn't bother you? Or is that just a front for how you really feel about your ageing self? Nope, it never bothered me 'til Aunty Ethel from down the road looked at me....you know, knowwwwwwwingly - that was a wakeup call to seek solace in the mirror & eliminate the wrinkles (mine, not hers). Seriously, once you accept the inevitable then what's to worry about? Whose expectations are we trying to satisfy anyway - those of our own vanity, or pressure from a shallow-as-a-puddle society? And ultimately where does it stop? Take good care of ourselves, sure, but don't get wrinkles worrying about it. On my deathbed I'd rather be worrying about whether I enjoyed myself enough rather than whether I managed to hold off having a face like a smacked ar*se 'til I was 95 (there I go again, assuming I'm going to live to be 170). That's the ideal. However, the reality is that us humans obsess, we're insecure (though we love the bluster & bravado of denial), and very rarely are we not led by our innate desire to be accepted, praised & adored by the very people whose opinions mean jack when all is said & done. OP, there are some great examples out there of women who grew old gracefully (Aunty Ethel isn't one of them though). Grace-paper-rock-botox... grace wins every time.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

what does he want??? Posted: 10/26/2009 5:26:56 AM
i have certainly looked at thing in a new way and will be alot more carefull in the future!!!!! in hindsight i should have seen he just was not as interested as i was. i cant fault him his manners as he was very polite and i felt like we could have been friends except i fell for him, silly, silly me!!!! i thought i was immune to all that stuff, obviously not! OP, silliness is what you do when you don't learn from history, not when you fall for someone with the best intentions. And, the day you become immune is the day to pack up & go live alone in the hills. No need - just get up and do it all over again.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 57 (view)

I don't get any attention in my relationship. Posted: 7/25/2009 9:18:06 PM
Excuse me if I want a guys point of a view for a change, I have only gotten female responses on this topic! OP, your answers won't be in this forum. As this isn't a trivial issue the only people who can realistically sort out your problems are you, gf, and probably a counsellor. 1. You BOTH have to want it to work. If she doesn't then you're looking at other options. 2. Put cards on the table, with honest communication, even if it hurts. Keep personal attacks out of it. 3. State your goals & see if you're both headed in the right direction. Leave the minutae out of it - just keep it simple and see if you're both still on the same broad path. 4. If 1-3 are ticking the boxes then get a counsellor involved. Good luck.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 103 (view)

Are women obliviously attracted to a man's appearance? Posted: 7/25/2009 4:11:34 AM
... men...blame everything else first, and themselves last. Women do the opposite pro-filer, it would seem then that the common thread between each gender's approach to predicament-solving is an acute lack of self-awareness. If we're equally inept at taking responsibility then how on earth do we exist & reproduce as a viable and progressive intelligent species? I blame my brothers for everything, by the way. They made me do it.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Why do guys always 'scratch'? Posted: 7/12/2009 6:52:08 AM
Why do guys always 'scratch'? Because we can. And sometimes the fleas get boisterous so we have to keep them in check...like kids, only smaller.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

She leaves back to South Africa in 6 months Posted: 7/12/2009 5:42:06 AM
Hellgremlin, when you insult fellow forum posters like Commonsens in a foreign language of which you have very little grasp, and when you talk about a country you’ve never lived in (you translate experience in 1 country to another country altogether) then you run the risk of having the cracks in your story exposed by someone who knows a lot more than you do. By the way, you have the name of your own primary school wrong – I know, because I often competed against it. So, South Africa is a shthole, is it? Based on what criteria, and on what current & direct knowledge of yours – 3 years as a very young boy, 18 years ago, living outside the very country you’re ‘authoritatively’ opinionating on? You must’ve been a verrrry savvy & astute chappy at such a young age – a genius even. Very few 10-year-olds have any skill in African sociology, politics and geography. You missed your calling, and you’re utterly wasted as a ‘prostitute’! I have no wish to join in ‘dick waving’ as you charmingly put it to Commonsens – I don’t need to, and it’s off-topic anyway. Just be aware –: no matter how much you think you know, you possess one inescapable limitation: you’re an outsider who cannot possibly know Zimbabwe and South Africa more intimately than those of us who've lived in both, and who know that is in fact far from being a ‘shthole’, despite its difficulties. No, no, husssshhhhh – you don’t want to say any more. Everything you need to know about your Shona skills is here (get that Babelfish translator working): uri kaBharanzi kasina njere, kanofunga kuti kanenhingi hombe asi chinhu chihombe chaunacho musoro chete. Hauzive zvauri kutaura uyezve hauna kumbogara kuAfrica. Enda unovhairira vamwe vanhu nehubharanzi hwako, haikona ini. Usatishatirise nekushandisa mutauro vausinga nzwisise. Bharanzi! Care to give us the benefit of your OWN Shona skills now? Now, play nicely with Commonsens or don’t play in the forums at all. OP, excuse this small aside – I hope you get it sorted with your missus. If you end up going to SA then all you need to do is to keep your wits about you...oh, and enjoy the sunshine, beaches, culture, variety, wine, cuisine of that awful sh*thole.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

She leaves back to South Africa in 6 months Posted: 7/11/2009 1:46:20 AM
Hellgremlin, you look like someone I knew long ago. Did you live in South Africa?

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

public pickers are on pof TOO Posted: 7/10/2009 10:13:28 AM
Oh come off it, we know you were dying to remind her that it's rude not to share.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Whats wrong with my profile? Posted: 7/10/2009 10:03:20 AM
chris1981uk, when I looked at your profile I tried to guess your profession....and got it right first time. Replace your main pic perhaps with the one where you're wearing sunglasses. In fact I'd replace the other 2 altogether with bolder full frontal face shots - you have good bone structure and your face won't crack the camera lens. "Just a little FYI for you guys. If i have looked at your profile and not said anything to you, still say hello to me. I tend to get a bit shy sometimes!" - I'd delete this, and the other note asking women to say hello. If they want to contact you then they will. I appreciate that you're shy, but it still sounds needy. Mentioning (mild) shyness in your character description will do, but don't over-emphasise it. Only other thing I'd suggest is to come across as more assertive in the characteristics you're looking for in a woman, and perhaps what your ambitions are.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Modified Profile. Opinions on if it is 'too much'. Posted: 7/10/2009 9:45:57 AM
Personally I don't mind a long-ish profile. I've seen much much longer. Only one suggestion: 'Hang Out' is (rightly or wrongly) often interpreted as sexual availability. If you want friendship first then I'd go with 'Dating' - you can be clear about the pace of progression from friends to romance.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

She leaves back to South Africa in 6 months Posted: 7/9/2009 8:26:23 PM
ive never met a girl like this in my life If you're certain that she feels the same way about you then you'll both find a way to get around the problem of distance. However, bear in mind that she's going back to the place where she had her bad breakup....it's a potential emotional minefield.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 161 (view)

no picture. Do you assume the worst? Posted: 7/9/2009 8:14:18 PM
A handsome dude, there! (and his brothers too! ) Thank you pro-filer. I'll pay you later.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 154 (view)

no picture. Do you assume the worst? Posted: 7/9/2009 3:36:07 PM
I don't think conclusions should automatically be drawn on missing profile pics. A wide range of people are on here, from devious players through to people who feel they suffer from clinical ugliness & are self-conscious because of it. Personally I choose not to display my pic - although I have private images - because I have no incliniation to join the meat market, and I see nothing wrong with that. If you're perceptive enough, ask the right questions, and follow your instincts then getting to know a non-pic profiler isn't a problem.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Guy at a grocery store..what does this mean? Posted: 7/9/2009 5:32:27 AM
Unless he bought a sharp implement from the hardware aisle I reckon you're reasonably safe. And I'm really sorry I stared at you like that.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

How do I bring this up... Posted: 7/7/2009 4:29:57 PM
OP, everything you need to know is in Louise1359's post. Take your time, don't proceed if it doesn't feel right, and be prepared for the physical aspect as well as the birth control one. You don't want to fall pregnant on your first 'outing'.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Help me Chaps Posted: 7/4/2009 9:48:02 PM
OP, there's so much in your description of his behaviour which should set alarm bells off to any sane person. Now use the following words in the same sentence: 'avoid' and 'plague'.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 38 (view)

A question for you serious-minded men... Posted: 7/4/2009 8:02:40 PM
OP, using basic & sweeping generalisations: women do emotion (and intelligence) and men do the caveman stuff.... with some variations on the theme. As a species our genes sound the alarm when we feel threatened by things, including intelligence from other species who we previously didn't feel threatened by (i.e. in the day when 'men were men and women were housewives'). But, we're changing - give it time. Personally I've always relished (and occasionally ravished) intelligent women, particularly if I wanted something long term. A relationship which challenges both of you in many different ways can't be bad at all - and it's intelligence which provides the platform for those challenges. We're still out here - keep looking. Good luck.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 166 (view)

Justifying Cheating? Posted: 7/4/2009 2:26:54 PM
RosiaG, my last comment was made tongue-in-cheek, which probably didn't come across in my post. And I get condoning vs understanding.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 152 (view)

Justifying Cheating? Posted: 7/4/2009 12:49:19 AM
I NEVER EVER stated cheating was justifiable. Understanding something does NOT mean I believe it to be moral, acceptable or justifiable. It simple means I can 'relate' to the rational behind the behaviour. I used a hypothetical man as am speaking as a woman. The gender can go either way. God, the one thing I despise about forums, people labelling and misreading the original post. I'm still unclear on why you condone infidelity.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 151 (view)

Justifying Cheating? Posted: 7/4/2009 12:42:59 AM
pro-filer As we're on the topic of divine right, stop expressing my own views more eloquently than I can manage myself. Forcing that on me isn't your job. Stop it, or else it's Jethro & Jed for you.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 139 (view)

Justifying Cheating? Posted: 7/3/2009 7:42:07 AM
lbiker <div class="quote">So to me it is a divine right Adults need to sort their own problems out. Your own experiences do NOT give you any automatic right to intervene in 2 other people's union. You don't know what really goes on behind their closed doors, you don't know what the effect on their family unit (incl children) would be if you went charging in with that kind of destructive news, and you have no right to take it upon yourself to inflict that sort of pain if you're not even affected by it. Who appointed you God?

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Who is bored.... Posted: 7/3/2009 6:08:34 AM
And I am what I am ya know, so if I attract a certain type it ain't like I can help it. I want to find a guy but, I am just entirely bored Sounds like the men you attract aren't the problem. Nobody at your age with your looks and intelligence should be whining - get up off.... and do something about it, like making a few approaches yourself to the men who fit what you're looking for.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 136 (view)

Justifying Cheating? Posted: 7/3/2009 2:00:35 AM
....if they confide in me..they get the opportunity to call the husband first..Or I will lbiker, I missed the part where you were awarded the divine right to interfere in other people's marriages.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 145 (view)

The Final Curtain for Jacko!!!!! Posted: 7/3/2009 12:36:37 AM
Do you believe you have some insight into his strangeness???? Of course. Spending too much time with chimps, zombies and Uri Geller will do that to you. I blame the parents (seriously).

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 60 (view)

Take her back? Posted: 7/2/2009 11:41:05 PM
I think packagedealx3 is right: it all depends on your circumstances. And, if she's your ex then she isn't on a break - she's on her own. I'd suggest you're in a can't-win-right-now situation: if you give her an ultimatum she'll probably run (and it doesn't look like she's running towards you for now), and pursuing her will probably achieve the same result. I would walk away. Date other women, see who else is out there. If you end up back together knowing you both weren't happy elsewhere then it should give you both some reassurance. Fate and all that. Good luck.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Why do men assume all women are like thier ex? Posted: 7/2/2009 11:21:05 PM
Why do men assume all women are like thier (sic) ex? Probably for the same reasons that you do... it's that little word "All". If you stop generalising then we'll stop making assumptions.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 304 (view)

Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay? Posted: 7/2/2009 11:13:38 PM
eschec mat, great post - just what OP should do, I think. OP, your frustration is actually a positive thing: at your age examining what you're after is all part of the deal, but take eschec mat's advice and look at how you come across too.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

nosy boyfriends mother. Posted: 7/2/2009 4:55:50 PM
Ultimatum time. And, get him out of the house once in a while too.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? Posted: 7/2/2009 1:13:06 AM
HornsHoldMyHalo (Post 25): I think Polyamory (as you've described it) primarily relates to a set of circumstances, not to a state of feeling. OP, if we're defining 'love' inclusive of a selection of affection, companionship, belonging, emotional entwinement, lust etc etc... then it's probably possible to love 10 people at the same, never mind 2. But if we're talking about all of these elements combined with complete selflessness & devotion, I don't see how that can be divided between 2 or more individuals. Devotion by its nature suggests exclusivity, but I'm happy to be proved wrong!

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Posted: 6/30/2009 8:46:33 PM
I just feel that sex should be discussed freeley just like everything else If everything else works why not make this part work too? First of all, he may have simply intended for you to be a notch on the bedpost. Or he has other female distractions. Or you worry him because he interprets 'deep-&-meaningful' as a commitment. Who really knows? There are a multitude of possible reasons. The bottom line is that you should be happy in the knowledge that you've behaved exactly as a mature adult should. As far as bad sex is concerned: be relieved. While sexual style can be varied, chances are that if you're a selfish lover or you're clueless about sensuality & emotional entwinement then the peak of your prowess will always be mediocrity.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

just wondering Posted: 6/30/2009 8:17:19 PM
OP, 'off the wall is' the new Holy Grail. So many POF profiles (both genders) are littered with insipidity. Perhaps you equate 'off the wall' with 'damaged'. Big mistake. If you want true love then ask yourself: in future do you want to wake up next to someone every day who makes your heart race because she's unique, energised and challenging, or would you like to go out with Everywoman... or worse still, a robot. Depends what you're looking for....

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 31 (view)

Sex and Candy Posted: 6/29/2009 9:31:55 AM
"before one of us got hurt" is manspeak for "You're not the one" But I'll hang out w/ you till the right girl comes along. Spumoni, have you even read the background to this thread?

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Sex and Candy Posted: 6/29/2009 9:28:33 AM
...but I have to look out for my heart too. I don't deal well with broken hearts Why are you on POF at all if you're not willing to take a chance romantically? It sounds like you've found a man who you don't want to hurt (and you obviously know he wants more than sex)...yet you're more comfortable to hurt a stranger because you're not mature enough to be honest. That's pretty much what it boils down to. Advice: if you're still on this path in 7 to 8 years' time the fishpool will get smaller very quickly & you will look back and regret the chances you threw away. I'm not suggesting you immediately marry/shack up with Mr FWB, but look at what you're doing, decide if you're serious about him (and about dating), or remove your profile or else other people will be hurt too.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 49 (view)

Infidelity and the public perception Posted: 6/29/2009 4:42:48 AM
In my mind, if a woman denies a man sex then she has ignored a very important part of her marital vows. She can't then hold him entirely responsible for his not keeping to his part of the deal Finally, a voice of reason. Pro-filer, will you marry me? I'm free tomorrow, Thursday and Friday afternoon. Your country or mine?

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

How rare are really good Lovers? Posted: 6/29/2009 3:43:22 AM
I have a good friend and he has traveled around the world extensively and has slept with many women. This man speaks from experience. He tells me that many women told him that "nobody else makes them feel like him". Really? Did he also say that George Clooney borrowed his face 15 years ago and has refused to return it, or that Shaggy wrote 'Mr Lover Lover' just for him? Maybe good lovers are not judged on their own merit, but only by comparison to previous partners - who wouldn't? One person's mindblowing lover is another's yawn. I would say the best way to make yourself a bedroom immortal is: listen to your partner, keep your antennae primed, and ask questions. And when you become really good at something under the sheets, make damn sure you get even better at it. And then some.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 384 (view)

Is kissing a important part of intimacy??? Posted: 6/27/2009 4:45:22 PM
I am dating someone who does not like to kiss I couldn't imagine a relationship without kissing. It's a massive element of physical union: you communicate with a kiss, you derive physical pleasure from it, it's no.1 or 2 on the intimacyometer, and it's an emotional sledgehammer too. If you do it right & enjoy it then keep an eye on the time: you can lose almost an entire day from kissing alone! But, technique is all-important too! That's a whole new thread I think...

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 52 (view)

Are men on here really interested in marriage Posted: 6/26/2009 8:47:00 AM
I have been on this site for some time and have not come across anyone interested in marriage. I was wondering is there any man really looking for that? I have indicated to them that is what I wanted and it usually scared them away. I don't understand why that is so scary. Lots of helpful comments on this thread, so no point in repeating them unnecessarily. Just the following: 1. It may be 'scary' to some men because most 30+ men are at an age where they're comfortable, and don't feel the need to make a mad dash for the altar (and some will have even been burned before (although hopefully not at the altar itself - that's a far scarier kind of gathering). 2. You may be trying to maritally run before you walk: love has to come first. Marriage should only follow when it feels natural. Are you feeling pressured by society's conventions rather than your own judgment? As a traditionalist my inclination is to marry too (although you're too far from me - New Jersey's a long swim away), but when push comes to shove I'd actually be fine with a 60-year partnership without the ceremony... as long as my partner knows that I'm in it for keeps. 3. I know several couples who feel far more relaxed because they're not married, and because of that their domestic balance is great. They have every intention of growing wrinkly together but none to tie the knot. Bottom line: concentrate your energies on enjoying a partnership. Your headstone won't be trashed if you choose never to put on that white dress.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 69 (view)

Dinner on the first date? Posted: 6/26/2009 8:18:06 AM
Dinner being too long a time together is not the problem. By the time you want to meet someone you should already know them well enough to be certain of enjoying their company at dinner. It takes about two well written emails and a phone call. I think that if your social skills are so poor that arranging for an enjoyable dinner date is beyond your ability, nothing about meeting for a shorter and more tentative first glance is going to help you. It would be better to just excuse yourself from dating until you learned how to share a table without creating a disaster. This is way beyond naive. Two well-written emails? A phone call? You're joking. All the social skills & perception ability in the world won't come to the rescue if your date's keyboard personality (cultivated behind a safe screen) turns out to be just that - cultivated. Eye contact & body language will tell you far more about your chemistry in one another's company than an editable, considered email ever will.

tokolosh1

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

Did he really forget his wallet?? Posted: 6/25/2009 5:43:29 AM
I can not help but notice that most people's first reaction to any thread is to immediately have a negative response to the OP, no matter what the subject. Maybe it is not a coincidence that the majority of us are single seeing as optimism isn't a star quality around here. Megdawn, the majority of us are savvy enough to know when we're being taken for a ride. The issue has nothing to do with lack of optimism.

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