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gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

dumped on facebook Posted: 11/16/2009 4:07:44 PM
I just think it is cowardly. What happened to the days when men were men? I have more guts than most men do honestly....

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

dumped on facebook Posted: 11/16/2009 3:08:16 PM
after 1 1/2 years, I was dumped Saturday morning through an e-mail on facebook. He says that he can't talk to me right now becuase I will try to talk him into stayin and will be too emotional. (hates to see me cry)- I guess they think if they don't see it we don't do it. haha anyway, I still think I deserved better than that. I have been a good woman to him. Opinions about that kind of thing?

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

being ignored Posted: 11/13/2009 6:16:25 PM
I will try to make this short. I have been with my boyfriend over a year. Whenever we have a disagreement, he ignores me. While I think this is childish, I realize it is how some people cope. It hurts me deeply but what I want to ask is this. Is there anybody out there who uses this same approach? Why do you do it? Thanks.

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

almost 5 years living together now she's just gone! Posted: 7/8/2009 9:25:34 AM
I am sorry for you too. I am also heartbroken and don't want to hear "just get over it"....If it were that easy, wouldn't I wave my magic wand. I came a across a saying yesterday that I think is spot on.... HE WHO CARES THE LEAST CONTROLS THE RELATIONSHIP It was certainly true in the relationship that I am just leaving. I tried so hard to work on what I needed to, but he was not willing. To qoute him, "relationships shouldnt be this hard" It would not have been with just a little effort from him. Anyway, I also can not sleep well and am not eating well.....but, I have a feeling he wil regret his decision.....And yours probably will too.....

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

why does it seem that?? Posted: 7/7/2009 10:49:06 PM
Let me say again.....I did not dump him......he dumped me!

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

why does it seem that?? Posted: 7/7/2009 9:29:37 PM
Thank you northern dreamer and most everyone for your kind responses. Thinking back on the relationship, we had several breaks, all initiated by him. Usually they would last a four or five days, maybe a week and then I would hear from him. And, some of these breaks were short lived break ups. I talked to his best friend today. Of course, we talked about him but also had some business to discuss. His friend told me that he (x) had asked him (the friend) if he and I (the friend) had talked. So, his friend suggests that we don't talk anymore so he can tell him no. That is fine. What I don't understand is why did he (my x) even ask>>>?? Why does he care?? He is free of me....isn't that all that matters? We have now had five days of NC, so, I am leaving him alone. Why would he care if I have talked to others or not????? By the way, did I mention that he is wishy washy????

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

why does it seem that?? Posted: 7/7/2009 8:26:39 PM
I must have misstated something. I was not the dumper, I was the dumpee. He is/was the game player....not me.

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

why does it seem that?? Posted: 7/7/2009 12:09:02 PM
Thanks everyone. I know that men do tend to show things different ways. He is a very indecisive person, and we have had periods of "space" that lasted for days, but never really broken up before. I am grieving right now, of course, which makes me mad with myself....becuase I don't know if he is or not. You know how that goes. However, we broke up becuase he still has doubts that we can make it and it is not fair to put me through the space thing. Our last communication was a goodnight to each other several days ago. I am leaving him alone. Of course, as much as it hurts, I am also taking this time to evaluate if I want to try again. I do love him and I know that, but a person that indecisive might keep putting you through heck. So, anyway, it hurts, but I will be fine.....

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

why does it seem that?? Posted: 7/7/2009 8:22:51 AM
I have read the threads on which gender recovers faster after a break up, but I would like to know (maybe should post in the as a guy forum) how men, it seems, can just act like they are fine (when you know they can't be that quick). My ex and I ended a 13 month relationship (I am the glorious dumpee) last wednesday. Saturday night, he stayed out until 4 in the morning doing God knows what with only God knows who. A mutual friend informed me of this. Also, I have reason to believe he is already looking for a hook up. I just don't see how men (and some women too, but men are more famous for this) can go out and party and live it up if they have any bad feelins about the break up......I went out too Saturdady night....with a sweet, good looking nine-year old. Ice Age 3 is funny...and sparklers are fun too!

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

When do the bad days stop? Posted: 7/6/2009 1:10:09 PM
I am right in the middle of heart break hotel with the rest of you.....Today, I started crying in the grocery store...!!!!! I mean, how pathetic. My break up is rather fresh, but our relationship, if you read my posts had been rocky for sometime. I thought things were looking up. I had indentified the areas of work that I needed to conentrate on and had started to make those changes. He was reluctant to change. I think he is truly battling with a decision....Do I want to stay with her (he felt that we were practically married) and have to settle down (he is 38 and never married-not that that is a bad thing....but could be committment issues) or do I want to continue being able to "party" and have my independence. I think he loves independence, but hates loneliness. And, do I think he loves me? somehow, I do. However, I have a suspicion that he is already looking for women, but more on a hook up basis. I don't understand men.....I couldn't hook up a water hose right now (haha) much less that kind of hook up....Men ( i know...not all men), but I do believe they can have "rebound sex" and not think twice about it.......Of course, I guess some gals can too. But you know, if I do get asked out (by who>>>>???) I might just go... Anyway, enough about me. Lots of us are suffering right now, OP, and I think it helps to know we are not alone.

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

13 months down the drain Posted: 7/4/2009 8:44:12 AM
I just want to thank everyone for their kind replies. I truly do love this feller, but of course, it takes two to tango as the old saying goes. The good thing is, in time (when I have healed) I believe we can be friends. And that is valuable to me. I will listen to that allan jackson song. I am sorry about the loss of your husband. What a wonderful blessing it sounds like he was to you. If I find that once, I will count myself blessed. I can't believe that after a year you got a text break up with no explanation...Wow.....People just amaze me. I don't know when this culture became so entrenched in the idea that people are disposable easily. I just don't feel that way. I do realize that sometimes, relationships have to end, and I have ended my share. But, at this age, I am more willing to work and try to come to a compromise that all can live with..... Well, again, thanks for all the kind remarks

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

13 months down the drain Posted: 7/2/2009 6:14:37 PM
Thank you so much to everyone for their encouragement. ceejay, you are right. 13 months pales in comparison to 13 years. Sometimes, it is hard to believe the coldness off the human heart. I just don't understand what happened to working through your problems and believing you have something worth holding onto. Anyway, I am so sorry that you had to live through it . I thought of this story and thought I would share it. My mother's best friend had a child that died of the disease that they made the movie Lorenzo's Oil about (Lou Gehrig?). Anyway, her husband had left her during the sickness for another woman. Well, at the funeral, who does he bring????? The other woman;. I was only 13 years old, but I just thought that was tacky.....I remember thinking that. I had a friend that's dad left her mom for another woman. She was in a pageant and begged him not to bring the other woman becuase they wound was fresh for her mom. What did he do??? Brought her......I just don't get it....

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

13 months down the drain Posted: 7/2/2009 4:27:42 PM
I hope this isn't seen as a self-pity thread but what else would you find in the broken hearts section? I am truly heart broken today, but I know I will be find. I was with my boyfriend for just over a year. And yes, we had our problems. I loved that man and I feel like he loved me at first. But, he kept needing time to think. Seems like every three months or so, we would go through a spell like that. Well, I think we have hit our last and final spell. Seems like to me that I couldn't do anything right in the end. Well, that's ok. I am already down ten pounds on my way to my goal, and I will be fine. Just really hurting tonight and I guess this is a self pity thread.....looking for a little encouragement. My eyes feel like if one more stupid tear drops they will fall out.

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Marriage Posted: 6/22/2009 6:54:38 AM
I realize I am not a guy, but I just wanted to chime in. Many people now a days consider marriage a "piece of paper", but I see it as so much more than that. To me, as a Christian, it is a vow made before God that you should take seriously. How many times in your life do you make a vow before God? And yes, I am divorced. I am Biblically divorced. The Bible allows for divorce in cases of adultery and abandonment. My spouse had a problem with the former.....so, I realize that marriages can fail. But, we should not throw in the towel at the first little sign of trouble. Also, I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman becuase the Bible defines it that way. And afterall, who came up with the concept of marriage? I believe that humans are fighting to change a concept that does not really belong to us.

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

opinions?? Posted: 6/21/2009 10:24:32 AM
You are so right. I went to church this morning. Missed him sitting beside me. We were very different but I thought that he really treasured me if that makes sense. However, he is 38, never been married, and I think that was a factor as well. I have not heard a word from him. Of course, if this continues on, I will break things off I guess becuase what other choice do I have? He still has some things here (over a year, stuff accumulaltes), but I am not going to contact him unless it is to seal the deal. I really think he does not know what he wants to do. As you said.....wishy washy....Well, I will keep you posted.

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

opinions?? Posted: 6/21/2009 8:51:10 AM
Well, trustediva, i may just do that. He was supposed to get in touch with me this weekend (per word of a mutual friend), and here it is Sunday morning and I have heard not a peep. I think he is dreading the break up talk, thinking I will cry and beg and plead. He has another thought coming. I am going to remain cool, calm and collected. That will shock his socks off.....even a friend of his says he kind of sees me as "old faithful" ----- huh...... in other words, I will keep taking whatever he dishes. Well, I love him but I am not going to be a doormat.....You are right...I do deserve better!!!

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

opinions?? Posted: 6/20/2009 7:12:14 PM
It is me again. The OP. Looking back on the relationship, I see many things that I did wrong. Not to say he was perfect, but I am learning at almost 38 (too old to learn new tricks) to focus on what I need to change and not what others need to change. I can see how some of my actions may have caused him to feel like I was trying to force him to do things my way. I never even thought about it that way until now. However, we have not yet had the final break up talk, but I can see the train coming through the tunnel and headed straight for me. I want to tell him all these things, but I am not going to beg him to stay. It will hurt for awhile, but what do you do? Hogtie somebody and make them stay? No. Why would you want to. I have done a little clingy behavior which I wish I could take back. But, I can't now. I have even been a text message terrorist sometimes with him....All that was the wrong move.....Anyway, we have not had the final talk yet. Any suggestions???

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

opinions?? Posted: 6/18/2009 8:54:33 AM
Thank you so much for your kind replies. It is strange, I guess, sharing your intimate secrets over the internet, but there are times when you just have to talk to someone. And sometimes, people that don't know you can be more objective. I hate feeling broken hearted. My mind is constantly on the situation (which I hate becuase I have a wonderful little boy who needs a worry free mom). But you are right. I truly believed that this man cherished me and found me different from others of the past. I believed we could work on things and come to a happy medium. Now, I just don't know. It is hard to have your heart run through a meat shredder...... Anyway, thanks so much everyone. Keep replying...I will keep reading. And, I may just accept that crying on the shoulder offer....So if you get a strange e-mail, it is me...haha

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

Does your heart lie? Posted: 6/18/2009 8:50:09 AM
Amen, amen, amen!! golfgeekguru.....People now a days claim to love someone, but when the least little problem comes up, they are out the door. I stayed and waited two yeard for a lieing, cheating husband. He said he would change. I waited one year. He did not change. I waited another year. He did not change. Now, while some may say I wasted two years of my life, I don't see it that way. I had made a committment before God, and I was going to do my utmost to keep it. In the end, even my pastor said that I was Biblically free to go. And, that is the choice I had to make. I love a man presently who freaks out whenever we have a argument and won't talk for days. While I know this is how some people cope, I don't think it solves the issues. But anyway, back to what you said. People don't want to work on things anymore. It is just- this is no longer easy.....I am gone!

gardnergirl3

Joined: 6/14/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

opinions?? Posted: 6/17/2009 2:18:55 PM
I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year. We have had some problems, and generally, when we do he likes to have a few days of no contact with me. That is sooooo hard for me becuase my nature is to talk things out. I have not always been the best at respecting that wish, but I am trying to do better. However, this last time and this latest rough patch has been the worst. I really feel like there is no hope, even though I felt very committed to this person and felt he was the one. We were very different, but I believed that he truly respected and cared about me. He has stayed with me longer than any other girl except one, and that was under special circumstances. Here lately, he has stood me up (he says not, I say yes....misunderstanding?), Has seemed very wishy washy about whether he wants to continue with me or not, and I think that he might be making contact with other women. I do not believe he has cheated, but that he may be looking. Now, I realize that I could pull the plug and that I probably should. However, all of us that have been in this boat before know how hard it is to do that when you still have hope. Many of you might wonder why I would even want him. Becuase, before this, he acted like he really cared and was very good to me. We usually would disagree about his drinking, but that is mainly becuase I am a teetotaler and he likes to drink a little too much to my way of thinking. I would like to hear opinions....Thanks....

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