Breaking the secret man code shhhh! chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Breaking the secret man code shhhh!

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Breaking the secret man code shhhh! Posted: 12/2/2008 12:02:17 AM
Couldn't agree with you more NH Cowboy... Congratulations for having the courage to speak the truth. This has been the experience in my relationship. My partner has admitted that most of his 'aggro' in prior relationships has been pretty much based on hurt feelings and frustration at not being 'loved' in a way that was meaningful to him. Anger seems to be the only 'socially sanctioned' emotion a man is 'supposed' to express openly, where in fact its often a mask for all the emotions we humans experience. Thankyou for bringing this out in the open. 'The Truth will set us Free".

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 17 (view)

sex compatability Posted: 9/22/2008 7:24:41 PM
Sexual compatibility is like any other compatibility in a potential relationship - its either there or it isn't. A person's general passion level is expressed in how they move, speak, act... one can percieve much about a person's general vitality and energy levels by how they approach and embrace life. Chances are if they possess a generous, empowered and joyful/upbeat approach in life, that will also translate to the bedroom. Everyone is different, with different priorities in life, for some sex is very very important, up there in terms of how they best choose to express themselves whilst in relationship. For others, its lower on the totem pole. Healthy and honest communication (and isn't sex a very powerful form of communication between the sexes, if not the MOST powerful?) is essential. Though the term has been done to death, there is NO subsitute for basic chemistry. When its there, you KNOW it! To feel loved and accepted and close in connection, thats the emotional underpinning of good sexual communciation. The physical part is also a stamina and passion level thing. Well worth keep yourself in shape and healthy... hehehehe. The payoff is great! Only way to find a compatible partner matching your own 'sexual type' is through the experience. That initial 'spark n connection' at first (the glint in the eye) is often a very positive indicator of what is to come. And finding out is half the fun...

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

What ever happened to courtship? Posted: 9/7/2008 9:39:15 PM
Courtship and chivalry are an artform - an exquisite process that takes time, focus, precision and delectable detail... Not everyone is an artist nor can appreciate such art. Their loss.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

When independance hasn`t been a choice. Posted: 8/16/2008 6:26:31 AM
This is such a timely topic and one I had been thinking about myself of late, so I thank the op very much for such a relevant post. It only recently occurred to me that I really didn't have much of a 'template' of how a man is 'meant to be' or what his 'man-type' responsibilities could or would be. As a child and adolescent growing up I had never known what it was like to have a responsible, attentive, 'response-able' male role model. My father was in the home but was very frequently absent and to this day has only ever thought that a man's role was to put a roof over one's head and thats it. The rest of the time is for his hobbies or sports or interests and absolutely no involvement otherwise. As I did not have a mother in the home, it meant that I virtually raised myself and as a consequence am naturally more independant than the average woman, out of sheer necessity. Not to bemoan the situation, but until very recently it simply did not occur to me that a man would WANT to help a woman with her needs, even in terms of doing things around the home, repairing things or simply offering to help in anything. What woke me up to a different way of thinking was being in contact with a male friend of mine (purely platonic) who is simply a marvel in doing things around his own home, offering and helping out others with their repairs, and this is a man who is also very responsible with his children's care. He is a single parent and is very available to his kids, is invested in their welfare, is a good provider and sees it as HIS job to attend to masculine type duties around the home. He is always building something, repairing something or helping out others with their home repairs. The difference in this 'template' and the one I have always unconsciously carried is profound. It also helps explain to me why I did not know how to respond to men in the past who were natural caretakers and responsible, involved, proactive and interactive men. The 'good guys' so to speak. I simply didn't have the radar to pick up that particular signal cos I didn't have the response mechanism in place. I didn't know how to interact with these kinds of men. Now that I'm 'waking up' to the kind of man I would want to have in my life (in case I ever do become involved again) I can see that this kind of male does exist, and it bodes well for my future choices. My male friend is not in the picture romantically by the way and never will be. The chemistry is purely platonic, but he has given a very good example of the kind of masculinity I would be drawn to in the future. I certainly know that it does make a difference as to how you are raised and thus 'trained' to respond to different kinds of male attentiveness and helpfulness. Thank goodness I am finally seeing the light and allowing myself to graciously accept a man's supportive gestures. It still takes some time to get used to and its hard to ask for assistance (that damn pride!) but I know its good for my overall development as a woman too.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Has the reality of age affected you? Posted: 7/25/2008 6:07:28 PM
Better body now than 20 years ago (and no, no 'work' done). Agree with the guy who mentioned those 'new fangled things' called gyms. Yes, if you are gaining pounds (kilos) as you age, then up the exercise and cut out the carbs!! Of course, there are changes physically speaking (and one would hope, some psychological and developmental progess as well!) as the years goes on... we are not meant to be 25 forever... for goodness sake, get a reality check if you are 45 wanting to be 25... at least ageing is an equal opportunity employer and it happens to EVERYONE. Part of growing up is accepting some things, such as the inevitability of CHANGE and then knowing and acting on those things that don't suit and CAN be CHANGED. Knowing the difference between the too takes ongoing thought , maturity and clarity. No way am I attracted to men 10-15 years my senior... guys, are you attracted to women 10-15 years YOUR senior?? No?? Can't imagine why Yet I'm constantly amazed how often I am messaged by gentlemen of this particular vintage. Perhaps never really being a traditionalist (yet with some very olde world values) may have something to do with it. Even as a 12 year old my cute 'boyfriend' at the time was just pushing 11! Each to their own though really, right? Do what works for you, what floats ya boat, what puts lead in your pencil, rocks your world, rings your bells... whatever. Enough cliches for today... As for the OP, all I can tell you is... if its not working for you (weight gain, energy loss etc) then change it. Attitude counts for much.. truly, thats the power we all have. Do what it takes for the upkeep of all. Some age well, some just get old. P.s. By the way, I listen to what I LIKE musically speaking...don't give a rats a*** what is trendy or what one is 'supposed to' listen to at any age... In my young teens when ABBA was all the go, instead , I was into Santana, The Commodores, jazz, latin music etc... that same personal authenticity will be there till the day I pass over (and beyond... haha). I hope you find yours. Good luck to you.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Could being psychic affect your relationship? Posted: 7/24/2008 2:17:00 AM
Been a long while since I posted but couldn't resist this one. There are many different 'types' of psychic gifts, they are all not all one and the same, just as the 5 senses we are more familiar with... sight, hearing, taste etc. are not. If you equate the unseen or the non-material or even the 'spiritual' as psychic phenomena, then it absolutely must and does exist. Isn't praying a type of communication (on a telepathic level) with one's own God, using a spiritual 'medium' of communication to do so?? Therefore, using that analogy. we are all mediums to a certain extent. Even Christians have to admit there is a spiritual realm, angels, forces, etc. I personally just think of the spiritual as another dimension. Some people are more aligned than others (or more 'tuned into' that frequency or vibration) of dimension than others. Some are sender/receivers.... think of it as being a hi fi radio transmitter, receiver... When I was younger I was extremely sensitive to energy. To the point I could walk into a room of people and know immediately who was going to eventually end up with who (sometimes it might take a time period of 5 yrs for those people to get together, sometimes even marry!) who was having an affair with who, who was going to break up or divorce and so on. Due to my sensitivity and lack of experience of knowing how to 'buffer' myself from all this information, I purposely shut it down and shut it out. However, in EVERY relationship I have ever had, it has freaked out my partner just how 'tuned in' things can get. In fact, before getting too involved I tell a prospective partner, please do not ever lie, or bullshit me, cos I will know... Of course, they take it with a grain of salt at the time, till errr, things come up, lies may be said or worse, cheating may happen. I find out EVERY TIME. And it freaks them out. So yeah, being of a 'psychic type' can affect your relationship. Two examples: As a 17 year old I had a much loved boyfriend. I had to go into hospital for 3 days due to a severe chest infection, so didn't get to see him for 3 days. The MOMENT he came to see me, to give me a big hug, I jumped back in horror. I 'sensed' his energy had changed and I KNEW he had slept with someone else. Telling him this, he was shocked!! How did I know?? I said I don't know, I JUST KNOW (actually its a literal energy change in their aural chemistry, they vibrate at a different frequency... my body acts as a very sensitive radio receiver of these frequences and so, I FEEL it in my own body, that is HOW I KNEW) and I also told him who it was. The guy really freaked cos there was NO way I could have known otherwise. These kinds of occurrences have happened time and time again, though lying and cheating are not of course, indicative of the incidences involved. In my adult life... a year or so ago I broke up with a guy... then had a dream about him, that he had joined one of those phone dating sights. I even got his personal code number in my dream, I'm not kidding, soooo... next day I rang the number of the dating service, punched in the number I had in my dream and voila!! there was his profile. He was seeking to meet other women, whilst at the same time trying desperately to get back with me and telling me I was the only one for him!! I told him to go to hell. And he was very *issed off that I knew bout his phone profile LOL. As for some very serious events that have happened over the past decade... Princess Diana's death, The Thredbo disaster in Australia and the horrible Tsunami we had a couple of years ago... I had premonitions of all three and indeed I dreamed in 1st person the accident that Diana was in. I 'Felt' in 1st person the crashing of the car... and saw the interior of the vehicle etc. I actually thought I'd dreamed my own death till I woke up the next morning and turned on the tv to find out about Diana. Many of these types of things occur in my life, though I have no control over when I get the impressions or how they may come to me. If anything, I still dampen these impressions and feelings and intuitions and 'energy' pickups... I do not seek to develop them or seek them out. However, I also know they are very natural, in no way spooky and there are very sensible and scientific reasons for them. Some people have a talent for art, some a talent for the 'other or interdimensional' communications. One of these days I would like to write a book of the things I know about the 'other dimensions' I am aware of. Sometimes, just to entertain myself, I can 'tune in' to one or more of these dimensions and have a ball there, its great fun. And no, not weird LOL. Anyhoo, they are just a very few of the experiences I have. Everyday occurrences

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 60 (view)

If I hear another You'll find the right woman thing one more time I am going to scream Posted: 8/18/2007 4:36:52 PM
Why is the onus on the woman to be the 'Right One' for you? A more effective and empowering strategy is to become the 'Right Man' for someone. That is work on yourself, your own development as a human being, developing the very qualities you would like to attract in someone. It not only takes the focus off 'out there... somewhere... the right one exists' (leaving you in a state of powerless longing) but also keeps you focused on where you really do have the power, within yourself. Use this precious time in your 20's to really develop yourself, seek out those things which give you an internal sense of strength and joy, it may be work, hobbies, interests etc those things that lead to a healthy self love and self esteem (that no one and nobody can take from you, regardless of any outcome of a relationship). Like attracts like. If you want to meet and have her fall in love with you, believe me, the kind of inner security and centredness that having a strong sense of self provides, will be more than enough to attract the kind of relationship that sticks. In the meantime develop healthy friendships with women (without a hidden agenda). That will give you lots of practice and enjoyable useful feedback as to how to relate to women in a healthy way: will increase confidence and will provide some companionship too. Will teach you to relate to women in a wholesome, non needy and balanced way. The companionship of male/female platonic relationships really does help fill the void till YOU'RE really prepped for someone. READY for that suitable partner to find you. And vice versa. Do it for yourself. You're worth it. And let the good times roll...

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 82 (view)

Online Relationship Gone Bad Posted: 5/7/2007 5:12:26 PM
Marailene... I went to bed after posting on this thread last night, then woke up and had a look at some of the other posts. Was shocked by the one you posted almost directly after mine. After reading your reply, and the veiled sarcasm in it, it has completely changed my perspective on your original post and indeed of my opinion of you. Up to the point of me originally posting, there was (barely) a supportive post for you, relating to your story. My point being, if you are able to alienate someone (within one mere thread) who really got onside for you (yes, me sweetie) I can fully appreciate how a man or anyone for that matter would feel after 3 weeks. Makes me wonder, regardless of the circumstances under which you WERE scammed (and that was YOUR OWN TERM used in the original post) , NO WONDER he left. Lady, you need an attitude adjustment. And yes, you ARE naive (either that or your moves were just downright stupid, take your pick) whether you realise it or not. Nuff said.

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

Online Relationship Gone Bad Posted: 5/7/2007 8:07:12 AM
To LassLooking... I understand your point of view as well, but if you had scrolled down to another of this lady's posts she mentioned that the guy was after using her good credit. And it doesn't take much to realise he must have really wooed her quite a bit, for her to make such a sudden move, leave her home and locality and move across the country. Yes, the lady is not completely faultless in this story, and I'm sure the guy would have his own version of events, but he is not the one who posted, she did and so it is to her we give our answers. Yes, we are in a position to offer some advice, this lady actively asked for our input (not our recriminations) as to how best deal with this situation. And I gave her some, that is practical advice to meet her immediate needs: Accommodation, job, finances, looking out for herself. And for the future... be more careful!! This lady is probably so bamboozled at the moment, she can't think straight, so I think any sound counsel or direction from others here would be most appreciated by her. Isn't that what she asked for in her original post?

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Online Relationship Gone Bad Posted: 5/7/2007 7:23:18 AM
Oh please people, give this lady a break! Not everyone develops 'street smarts' at the same rate you know! Instead of berating her, why doesn't anyone (except the truly empathetic and kind person above this posting, Slow Down) just lend a listening ear, and perhaps offer some sound advice? Can't the other posters here read between the lines? In saying she was Jewish and couldn't find her own kind, meant... I am feeling lonely, isolated and abandoned and really need to find my people, or as close to, so I can find my feet again and feel a little stable'. People get taken every day... and not everyone is Internet or Streetsmart Savvy enough to know there are real predators with the smooth lines out there. This lady is in her 50's and I daresay is one of the truly genteel and rather naive souls who really does believe in the magic of romance. So she was unfortunate enough to be suckered by the wrong person who took advantage of the naivety? So why does everyone damn near well peg her to the wall for that? We all make mistakes, nearly all of us can tell a tale or too about being lied to, or scammed or cheated on. And then we LEARN... we WAKE UP and realise the world is not the cotton candy, fairytale we so yearn for it to be. Yes, its growing up and growing wiser to a certain extent, and sometimes its a tough price to pay for that wisdom. This lady needs some concrete advice and direction. How does she relocate to her old neighbourhood where she can gain support from people she knows? Perhaps those in her local Temple could help find her accommodation etc. To the Lady herself: Please try and get your old job back if you can. If not, hunt for a job, any job, till you can get back on your financial feet. Cut your losses, do your grieving, and then get busy being practical. Get a roof over your head and look out for you. Please be more wary in the future, especially as concerns the Net and The Personal Pages. Professional scammers and conartists USE it as one of their favourite sources to hunt out the lonely, the very sweet and naive, and the good people, who give their hearts too early. My prayers and wishes are with you. You may email me too, if you would like to chat some more. Shalom my friend.

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Friends with Exes. Possible or not? Posted: 5/7/2007 6:59:06 AM
Hmm, I'm going to go against the general grain here. The vast majority of posters seem to get along fine with their exes and keep them as friends. To those who can manage it, more power to you, but with me, once an ex, always an ex. A breakup is called a breakup cause the relationship is 'broken'. That for me, means its done... forever, gone, finished. I just can't see the point of maintaining any kind of tie or attachment to someone with whom it hasn't worked. I guess I tend to be very neat and tidy in tying up loose ends and keeping my relationship slate 'clean'. Any residual emotional ties are let go and then I can move on without any excess baggage. I also tend to think that maintaining ties with exes (unless of course children are involved and then there is an absolutely valid reason to do so) is also unfair to any future relationship, its almost like bringing in unneccessary luggage and numbers to that new relationship. Why should a current partner have to put up with having 'exes' in my life to deal with? For me, its just easier all round to move on without any of that tension about. It would also bother me, if a new partner wanted me to contend with interacting with all of his exes as well...yuk. This has little to do with insecurity and everything to do with his respecting our relationship and vice versa. Its definately a 'healthy boundaries' issue for me.

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

How did I get suckered by a married man? Posted: 5/5/2007 8:32:21 PM
^^^^^^ The above post is spot on. You didn't fall in love with the man, you fell in love with the 'dream', the fantasy. The one he presented to you in a pleasant package with red ribbon. Over time, in the first few months he knew you, he was 'grooming you', doing his research. He was finding out how you ticked and what was important to you. And then gave it to you, knowing that it would be the very things he did and said that would woo you into a relationship. Its called emotional/psychological seduction and can be very very effective in presenting a false reality to someone. These con artists are very good at mirroring back to us what we want to hear and see from a potential love partner. They know exactly what strings to pull and which buttons to push to elicit the right response to get what they wanted. You asked why he would bother getting involved with you, whilst still being involved with his wife? Its because its FUN to them, a bit of a power trip, to manipulate others. To set up a source of alternative narcissistic supply for them to tap into and drink from. Oftentimes these manipulative player types, will have several 'sources' of supply on the go at the same time. Yes, you were right, you were his backup supply. So please take a reality check. Separate the reality of the man you NOW know him TO BE, from the man who is in reality very separate from the fantasy of your ideal lover/partner. They are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. Once you have that clear in your mind, if he started wooing you again and you felt susceptible to his advances, you will have more clarity on who and what you are really dealing with. When a very similiar situation happened to me (though he wasn't married) and finally the lights went on for me... When he came aknocking around my door again, I simply dismissed him with the phrase... 'You are not the person I thought you were, I realised I was in love with someone (something) else... GOODBYE'. Good luck to you.

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

what are peoples opinions of transexuals? Posted: 5/5/2007 7:54:31 PM
Wow, this could really be a loaded question. I have to ask myself, do I want to be flamed and receive lots of hate mail? Or will I be accused of being judgemental (incidentally I'm not, but can be very objective without it being a value judgement). Ok, I will take the risk. One of the reasons most trannies (and I will refer to male to female here, even though I have known several of both gender reassignments, m-f and f-m) are oftentimes extremely attractive is because being so, is their PASSION. They have to put so much effort into being feminine looking, and usually classically so, as in smooth skin, gorgeous hair and breasts, makeup etc etc, that if a DNA woman (born female) like myself did as much, we too would be stunning. This is something I've often thought about. There is often alot of cosmetic surgery involved (aside from the cut and tuck) feminisation of features, nose jobs, jaw realignment, fake breasts, daily hormones etc. Talk about upkeep. As mentioned, if any one of us had an EXTREME MAKEOVER as most m-f trannies did, virtually any DNA woman would be as dropdead gorgeous. Much of the focus of their lives involves presenting as female, and as most love glamour, also being attractively larger than life. Not just being woman, but being a STUNNING woman is the drive, goal and ambition of their life. Frankly, I couldn't be that bothered being that fully engaged in my looks, maybe I'm lazy or just not that obsessed. Now I will get into a shadow area... this may offend some people, but I know that most 'trannies' out there KNOW what I'm talking about. Where does all this lovely money for such transformation come from? Well, unless someone died and left them a million, or they are TrustFund babies, most of it will often (I said OFTEN, not ALWAYS) come from prostitution. At least for a time, till they save up for all the hormones, counselling,makeup, clothing and surgery. You know this is true, those reading this. This is not a judgement, its a statement of fact. Now more OT, my personal feelings bout it all? Personally I feel that a transexual is simply what they are. Males who have become females, nothing wrong with that, but I do find it VERY HARD to believe they will EVER really know what its like to be DNA female. Without having that XX chromosome expressing itself on every single cell of the body, including possessing all the hormonal fluctuations of a DNA female, also living as a socialised female from birth (males and females are treated differently from birth by family, culture and society) etc etc. You did ask....LOL.

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Personality Test --------- Posted: 5/5/2007 7:22:16 PM
Haha, Maybe it was just 1% of the AUSTRALIAN population... we only have 20 million people here, as opposed to the vast populations overseas. Is it demographically based? I do remember it was definately INFP. And it said was just 1%. Who knows, maybe the ratios do vary according to the population size. Compared to most Aussies, I tend to be more 'indoorsy' than the whole 'sunbronzed, athletic, sporty' cliche. More 'inward' than outward, so to speak.

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 210 (view)

Plentyoffish Compatibility Test. Posted: 5/5/2007 7:17:07 PM
Well I just did the test... Hmm, not really impressed as most of it was very inaccurate. It seems to be back to front in terms of results. Said that self confidence was low, well I know for a fact thats bull. Instinctual self confidence has always been a key thing for me. Family orientated and really enjoy entertaining at home? As much as I have strong family values and do love kids, this is not my end all and be all in life. And to be truthful haven't 'entertained' at home for a long time...LOL. It also reported that I don't feel comfortable meeting new people, what bullocks - not true. Yes, do enjoy my own company and those of close friends alot, but am always open to new and pleasant experiences. Only part that seemed accurate was the easygoingness and can be outgoing and relaxed. Though who doesn't have their more tension filled moments in life? Also it did touch on having a creative bent and being able to think both abstractly and logically. So I guess it wasn't all bad. Perhaps we could have a review of this test and its accuracy, because according to the Poll most people felt it was largely inaccurate, as opposed to those who felt it gave an accurate portrayal. Any way we could do this?

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Personality Test --------- Posted: 5/5/2007 7:00:30 PM
Thankyou tukabirdy, will have a peek/see :)

Lil Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Personality Test --------- Posted: 5/5/2007 6:23:20 PM
Hi all I'm just curious, where does one find the Personality Test on these pages? Can anyone direct me to them? Last time I did one of these Jungian style tests, I came out an INFP - Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perceptive and for the most part it was accurate. Apparently its only 1% of the general population who is INFP. No wonder its challenging at times to find others similiar. Would love to know how the score would tally now though! Always curious about this sort of thing.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 56 (view)

Dating a Religious Zealot is a challenge Posted: 3/1/2007 9:29:51 AM
Religious Zealotry is just another name for Religion ADDICTION. Has all the same traits as addiction - obsession, getting 'high', mood altering and an incessant need for it. Also to try and 'turn on' other people to it. In no way would I wish to partner with someone using this drug of choice. Does it make them 'pushers'? I don't know. Anything that takes away your free will and freedom to choose is not a good thing, IMO it has very little to do with genuine spirituality.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

So-called friend flirting with a potential partner...what should I do? Posted: 2/27/2007 2:48:13 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Touche! What he said.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

Where do guys like this come from? Posted: 2/27/2007 2:27:39 PM
Maybe someone can answer me this. What I am reading here between the lines is that 'some' men simply date FOR sex -as simply the means to an end. Question: Do they ever date for relationship? And that IF and WHEN sex happens, to realise that it is a major bonus that enhances the whole experience of relating? I think the question here (as to WHY men date) is MOTIVE. Do men ever date simply because they enjoy female company anymore? Or appreciate the whole magical quality of the 2 sexes interacting, and not just in the bedroom? Or... are potential dates merely perceived as something similiar to an 'unpaid escort'? Has sex become just so 'take out' (excuse the pun) that no one really appreciates just what a special act it is between 2 people anymore?

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

strangest request for a mongamous relationship? Posted: 2/27/2007 1:35:03 PM
Pimped out to other men for his viewing pleasure? I don't think so! May as well be his vibrator tool. Talk about objectification.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

So-called friend flirting with a potential partner...what should I do? Posted: 2/27/2007 1:24:36 PM
Well she has signalled her intentions loud and clear... and actions speak louder than words. Obviously her 'loyalty' to you does not extend to keeping her boundaries around your man and so you know where her priorities lie. Herself and what she wants. Women can be very supportive to each other but sometimes a man in the mix (especially an attractive one) can really bring out the competitive predator and all former loyalty is thrown out the window. This woman has shown she is not entirely trustworthy and so I would ease her out of my life pronto. Just be unavailable when she calls and never allow her into your home again... she will soon get the message her friendship is no longer required in your life. Who wants to be friends with someone so disrespectful to you? Do yourself a favour and let her leave your life. Stand up and make the changes necessary to make yourself comfortable with the situation with your potential boyfriend. You need to be assertive on this one. On the other hand, the fact your man didn't 'buy into' her flirtations shows that his real interest is with you and he has proven that even her ego stroking and teasing him had no effect. I think that is a credit to him and his character... good on you, I think you have a keeper there, so protect that interest with all of the integrity you can muster.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Perspiration and pheneromes Posted: 2/13/2007 3:50:40 PM
On some (subliminal) l level I have always been aware of this phenomenon of the 'Scent of Man'. Wheww, it can be devastatingly attractive... Having a very keen sense of smell (one of my major senses actually) and drawn to the subtextual in everything anyway, even human beings, may be a factor for me. As someone who studied Aromatherapy perhaps I am more attracted to natural scent than I even allow myself to believe. Even as an adolescent and younger woman, for some years I was very drawn to men of a certain race. It wasn't as much the colour I was attracted to (though who doesn't like gorgeous skin?) but the scent! I would even tell them they smelled 'different' but that particular smell was incredibly attractive, awesomely sexy to me. Literally, I would inhale a whiff of that 'manly' scent and just about swoon with ecstacy. Kissing was a delight for this reason too. Years later I read in a study that this particular race of males (on the whole) had the highest level of the male hormone, testosterone in their system, and this was excreted in their natural sweat and scent. Eureka, I could name the attraction. Have also noticed that I much prefer a clean natural smell, devoid of too much cologne or 'artificial odourisers', than anything else. A man who has a slight sheen of sweat, and its still at the 'not too off' stage is the sexiest creature on the planet. There is something very 'primal' and organic about it. Woohoo, viva la difference between the sexes! I love it.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Feeding The Beast Within Posted: 2/11/2007 4:56:06 PM
Thudpucker honey, hate to be the one to burst your bubble but... The Beast Within of which you speak, and which needs constant feeding, is actually a need for Narcissistic Supply. That is ATTENTION, Ego Stroking, and ATTENTION... By the way, did I mention the need for constant Admiration and ATTENTION? Tend to agree with some of the posters here, that you are much more concerned with the 'Fantasy' than the 'Reality'. Would a 'real woman' ever do? You know, the ones that have some human flaws like we all do, and likely has her own brand of unique beauty and intelligence? Perhaps its best to withdraw the fantasy bonds and projections and focus on that over which you really do have some management and control - yourself. And perhaps ask yourself... (drumroll please...) Could I possibly be someone's FANTASY IDEAL one day, and what do I bring to the table? Do I seek to fulfill, or to BE FULFILLED? No fantasy woman can fulfill that Beast within. Only you can.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Dealing with schizophrenia Posted: 2/11/2007 4:00:43 PM
Maybe the pot isn't working anymore? Or as effectively? What I am saying is that many people use drugs or alcohol to MASK or SELF MEDICATE certain disorders and mental/emotional conditions. And the disorders don't really show up till that person stops, cuts back or the masking agents become less effective. Your sister may have had a predilection with these psychological tendencies for a long time, though they went unnoticed because she would have been 'medicated' ie: stoned for the past 20 years. Think back over the years and see if you can recall any instances whereby she has behaved strangely or out of context. You may be able to trace a point of origin. Then get some professional help and advice. For yourself and your sister. It sounds like she is in real trouble, but please remember that it IS an illness (you are dealing with a sick unwell person here) and she is probably not wilfully injurious. Most important thing is to protect yourself and your immediate family. If you consult with a professional in the medical/psychiatric field and document your sister's behaviour it is possible to have her committed for a time for her own safety. Especially if these psychotic episodes become dangerous to herself or others. She is not really in a position to listen, or rationalise what you are telling her reasonably. Unfortunately the poor woman probably doesn't have a clue what is going on with herself. And is probably really desperate and panicky inside. Her accusations towards yourself and others sounds like a type of paranoia, also an indication of (a type) of schizo-effective disorder. Anyway, I wish you and your sister and family the very best. This is not an easy situation, but it can be treated. Get the help for her she needs. Educate yourself and consult with Professionals in the field.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 66 (view)

is a relationship better without sex? Posted: 1/29/2007 2:58:44 AM
If the sex isn't there, its not a relationship, its a friendship. Or at least its been tailored back to the friendship stage. Admittedly one can initially have a relationship that doesn't include sex (as you get to know one another) and before you choose to commit (even in an no sex before marriage choice) or to go from friendship to eventual intimacy/relationship, but not the other way around. You can't really go back if you have crossed the intimacy line. I think perhaps he wants to retain you as a friend, but has definately let the relationship part go. He had you intimately and has decided to move on... albeit with out losing you altogether. Its quite common for a man to have you (intimately) for a while, call it a relationship while he sorts out his feelings for you, and then if he decides he wants to pursue others, will say 'lets just now be friends'. Its a nice way of dropping you, but keeping the best parts, the companionship and friendship. Its a way of him keeping his options open, and hedging his bets till someone he DOES want to be intimate with comes along. Kind of like being the 'fallback girl' he can rely on, whilst he is allowing himself to browse elsewhere. You deserve better.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

First date: when the picture in the profile look nothing like the person in person. Posted: 1/28/2007 5:50:18 PM
If there is any doubt about the authenticity of the posted pic (or no pic at all, as in my own case) I've found that using a webcam and chatting with that person in real time 'Live' is a wonderful solution. A webcam rarely lies... at least not visually haha. Not everyone has a webcam of course (though in this day and age I wonder why not, they aren't expensive anymore and if people are really keen to date 'online' I strongly urge people to purchase one). Using the cam for that first 'face to face' introduction online, not only tells the visual facts of a person but also gives insight into their personality and humour and how they will likely present before (and if) you meet in the real world. Its a non-threatening and usually very illuminating intro. Much easier than just messaging, texting or phoning. It also breaks the ice initially and allows you to get to know (and ok, suss them out) a little before agreeing to meet for real at a cafe or wherever. Its not fail-safe of course, but you still have the safety of the net, at that point. I find it a very worth-while screening tool. At least for that first introductory step.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

The human doormat syndrome Posted: 1/20/2007 11:08:36 PM
There is a 12 Step Program for individuals who feel like human 'doormats'. Its called Co-Dependants Anonymous and you can probably find it online (or where its situated in your home town or city) by Googling it. There are also some fabulous books out there on Co-Dependancy. Again, just google

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

is there any way possible to figure women out? Posted: 1/20/2007 10:20:36 PM
Yes there is, just think of us as human beings first and foremost, as you are. What men and women have in common is their HUMANITY, we are of the same species, its just that we tend to be 'specialised' in certain areas. Our maps are constructed a little differently, but basically we all want the same things. ASK and you shall RECEIVE. ASK a woman what it is she really means, guaranteed she will let you know. Communication is the key. One thing from my own experience in life (and another female poster mentioned a similiar experience) and this has happened many times... When I am direct, honest, no gameplaying, straight-talking, straightup, no b.s. and talk with men on a completely level plane, they simply can't handle it. Truly! Its almost as if they are so used to the male/female gameplaying (ie: the usual way men and women interact with each other) that when one refuses to do that, as I do, it completely throws them. Its almost as if I've changed the rules or something. In fact, some men are so taken aback by this, that they feel somewhat threatened, as if I'm a guy in a feminine body or something!! They even look at me aghast sometimes, though others have said they find it refreshing, if not unsettling! haha. At one point I thought that guys were perhaps so socialised to the gender gameplaying, that they actually preferred to be 'played' to by the feminine wiles, because thats the only game they know how to respond to. Is this correct? Time and time again, I hear that men wish women were more direct, less vague, and more upfront, yet when you are, well lets just say they have a hard time handling it. Its almost as if the eyelash batting, feminine headtilting, and appropriate girly laughter in just the right places seems to work a treat. How many times have I witnessed women who are 'good at this' reel the lads in. Is it 'manipulation' or is it the way nature designed it to be? Beats me. Maybe I don't understand the rules, cos I've never been able to play 'em or master 'em.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 114 (view)

30 year old men - why are they not self reliant and responsible?? Posted: 12/31/2006 5:42:43 PM
Haven't you heard..? 30 is the new 12..!

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Any interest in Gold Coast POF party? Posted: 11/16/2006 4:08:23 PM
I'd be up for it. Brisbane would be easier location wise, but can make the Gold Coast. Sign me up!

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 107 (view)

Whats the Best Accent you've hear that you love... and why Posted: 11/12/2006 3:24:13 PM
Hmmm, love most American accents, especially Southern and Texan... yummy. Also Scottish, Canadian and all Latin accents. Delish!!

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 113 (view)

Eastern women v Western Women Posted: 11/12/2006 1:54:14 PM
It also makes me wonder 'bohemian' where did you come across these desperate men? ^^^^^^^^^^ Girl, you are just nasty... not just to me, but to others who had the backbone to write what they really thought. Your sarcasm and bitterness is, well, truly something. The above comment says more bout you than it will ever say bout me.... Do I detect just a touch of envy here? And if you must know, these Eastern men have successful businesses and their own homes here in Australia, and have prospered here cause there are many advantages in getting ahead in this multicultural and First World country. Ironic isn't it, that they would want a Western woman OVER one from their own land...? Makes me

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 104 (view)

Eastern women v Western Women Posted: 11/11/2006 3:24:09 PM
Hmmm, well I'm really going to put myself out on a limb here because the following story is personal and not something I usually discuss. However it is in the context of this thread so here goes. First of all, I think the issues centre around 'Values' much more than East V West. And within each culture one will find the kind of values one requires of a mate. So go for the values you want, but please cease generalising that good family values and ethical behaviour within male/female relationships can be 'only' found in the one culture. Secondly, here is my own personal experience. Like Serendipity (hi girl!) I too seem to attract individuals from other nationalities and cultures other than my socalled 'Western' own and have made friends (good friends) from virtually every continent on earth. It has been the 'Eastern' men who have tried to 'purchase' me with offers of materialism and goods in order to have me. Indeed, I have been offered houses, money, trips overseas, a regular 'income', tuition for college, even blank cheques (all I had to do was fill in the zeroes!) if I would only 'get with them'. To date I have turned them ALL down. And made my way in the world by myself, because I do believe in fidelity, faithfulness and ethics. Also the 'Eastern cultures' which have been mentioned here, fail to address one thing. In most eastern countries, prostitution and the marketing of women are RAMPANT... indeed in some cultures its part of the tradition to engage in it. If this is not the values of materialism then what is?? Company and/or sex for money?? C'mon!! And many women engage in this in these countries. Also, great as it is to be supportive of a man in any situation, these women often have to 'play' the submissive wifey because economically they have no choice. The man can be a complete dawg and still the women will stick it out, largely because they have no choice in the matter. Guaranteed, you give them CHOICE and they would be out of there faster than a jackrabbit. Hey, why do you think so many Eastern women want Western men, huh? Cos of their good looks? I don't think so. Think about it.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 96 (view)

Eastern women v Western Women Posted: 11/10/2006 7:28:42 PM
Eastern Women....... Here we find IDEALS..................................... Lost to the wanton slut of the west...........................(not all I know) They hold wisdom highest........knowledge key........education fundamental............ My heart belongs in the East............... A place where Love is held above all things.............................................................. Western women?????????????? Nice shoes..............lonely heart................... What a generalisation rolls eyes upward

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

Eastern women v Western Women Posted: 11/10/2006 6:37:19 PM
I would much rather a man AS WELL as a woman support each other. There's no reason why the man can't still be a gentleman and the woman a lady. Couldn't have said it better myself - exactly what I am getting at. You said it better than I ever could Lifestream, your whole posting is right on.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 227 (view)

When it comes to the opposite sex, what is your weakness? Posted: 11/10/2006 6:14:01 PM
It has to be KINDNESS, genuine compassion and a quiet inner resolve and strength...yummy! Strong leadership skills in a man is VERY ATTRACTIVE, an artistic bent doesn't hurt either....:)

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 88 (view)

Eastern women v Western Women Posted: 11/10/2006 6:09:30 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^ Totally agree with Black Night By the way, I'm FAITHFUL,PASSIONATE and have strong family values (and yes, Western... in fact I'm an Aussie). I sometimes despair of the fact that there are so few REAL Western men, who believe in being a man in the sense of supporting his woman and family. There are so few contemporary men who actually enjoy being a gentleman of the old school and thrive on being the breadwinner or archetypal male partner. So many, I've found want to know MY networth and whether I'm in a position to support THEM. I am very supportive in a relationship, of my partner's goals, dreams and desires. Will back him to the hilt and am devotional by nature. The 'traditional role' (albeit with a contemporary twist - that there is equitable negotiation in matters of family importance) suits me just fine, but am yet to meet a man who likes to support his end of the deal as well. Where is the chivalry? Where are the EQUALLY faithful, dedicated and passionate men? Where are the ones who draw their sense of identity as men from being the Leader of the relationship? Where are the men who glean a great sense of egostrength from their desire and ability to truly serve their family as the main influence? Who actually ENJOY their tradtional role as well? Now these are the questions I am asking.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Are there any known medications to supress sex drive? Posted: 9/5/2006 2:02:55 AM
Hi Kedrell, I am just curious, and please don't take this the wrong way, but have you been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome or something similiar? Its just that your profile has descriptions in there that tend to tally with this condition. And if you have been given the opportunity to not work and just get by, I was wondering if that could be some sort of compensation package? Anyway, OT, I have heard of a natural herb that Medieval Monks used to put in their tea to curb their physical drives - perhaps you could Google such a topic? Unfortunately I can't remember the name of the specific (and legal) herb that also comes in an essential oil form and is widely available in the community. There is a drug that they sometimes give to some prisoners in jail, to chemically 'castrate' them but I would have no idea how someone in the general community would go about obtaining this. Perhaps your doctor would have some idea. As for the relationship part, if its a conscious desire you have to curb the natural inclination to interpersonal relationship, I have heard that deep meditation can achieve this. We are all designed to 'connect' with something and what celibate peoples have done in the past, is to redirect this desire to the Spiritual. Some call it God and some call it the Divine Cosmos. So that is your choice where you wish to direct that energy. Its does take daily practice and discipline. Another alternative that many people use (who do not wish to engage in relationship with other humans) is to adopt animals or keep pets as their 'substitute' companions. Animals love you unconditionally and can be less demanding and 'threatening' than some human relationships.Anyway, good luck on your quest.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 209 (view)

Which characteristics do you find LEAST desirable in members of the opposite sex? Posted: 4/6/2006 11:15:21 PM
Completely selfobsessed braggarts - those that consistently just talk about themselves. Arrogance. Tightwads and manipulators, human calculators who worry about being 'taken advantage of'. Cowardly and paranoid whussy types. (eek, makes my skin crawl... ) Mama's boys who expect to be loved, coddled and waited upon, unconditionally. Outdated sexist attitudes. Bad manners and Disrespectful. Ungracious. Totally obsessed with the material and physical aspects of another person. Players and cheaters. Dishonesty. Disloyalty. Other than those things, everything else is cool!

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

If you were to write...A BOOK Posted: 3/22/2006 6:41:31 PM
Haha some of these are funny Relate to yours especially Montreal_Guy Keep up the good work folks...

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

If you were to write...A BOOK Posted: 3/21/2006 11:29:31 PM
So, if you were to write a book on your dating experiences, or of your life, or anything at all for that matter, what would the Title be? Perhaps people here might want to write a first opening chapter or a brief synopsis of the book, so we can all line up and order our copy when its out! This should be fun...

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

Is there any truth to what goes around comes around? Posted: 3/21/2006 6:19:27 PM
Hmm I struggle with this concept. For many years I always believed that if you did the right thing, the right results would happen. Now I wonder... I see a number of people who get away with EVERYTHING... and don't seem to suffer the negative consequences of their actions. On the other hand I see people who are living an ethical life, and seem to get marginalised for it. Is this where the saying 'Nice guys/girls finish last?' comes from? This is a bit of an existential dilemma for me at the moment. I want to believe in karma (and whoah I sure get mine, whenever I've even crossed a small line in right and wrong) but there are living examples (people and situations) in my life, where this just doesn't seem to apply. Don't want to become cynical and do the ol 'If ya can't beat em, join em' thing, but its very hard to witness blatant transgressions and see people getting away with it. And in fact, profiting, either personally or financially, from it. Whatever happened to the Golden Rule?

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Was he for real or just playing me? Posted: 3/20/2006 1:12:58 AM
He was TRYING to play you, but you didn't fall for it. You kept your boundaries and self respect. His main motive here was sex. And when it wasn't forthcoming he did a convenient disappearing act. Be happy that he left BEFORE any sex took place, because sooner or later he would have moved onto his next 'interest' or conquest anyway. At least this way you were not used. Claiming to be a socalled 'Christian' has really little to do with a person's genuine character. Its just a label and for some, a hobby. It gives him a mask of righteousness, somewhere to go on the weekend and a social life. End of story. Profession of faith means little unless backed up by real world living of the principles. I really respect you for keeping your dignity and can understand your hurt though. No one likes been strung along for another's gratification... but sometimes its the way of the world. Keep fishing and hold on till you find the right one. Toss the users back into the sea.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 52 (view)

Can you say you have truly been in love? Posted: 3/19/2006 10:52:57 PM
Yes, I have. Its something you NEVER forget... and nothing seems to compare to it either. And thats all I want to say about that.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 94 (view)

Australia forum Posted: 3/19/2006 7:47:07 PM
Hi everyone from Sunny Brizzie Did a search today and found the New Aussie Forum... woohoo, its about time and Congrats to the genius who set it up! Will be great to chat and post threads with fellow Aussies. P.s. Will there be any RealWorld gettogethers/events happening soon? Please put me on the email list/data base. It would be brilliant to meet you all.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 219 (view)

Do Women really avoid Scorpio's??? Posted: 3/19/2006 6:41:20 PM
Scorpios rock! Absolutely love them. They seem to have the kind of intensity I can relate to, and the kind of fixed focus in terms of fidelity (once committed that is) that is enduring. The loyalty, the endurance, the mysticism, the Warrior like qualities are glorious.Their emotional depth and drive is sexy as hell. Very very compelling... There is the dark side however, but like all traits a person can choose which way they want to go with that. An unevolved Scorpio would make Darth Vader look like Mr Whippy, when he is crossed. A Scorpio who has practised their soul growth though, whoah.... nothing, nothing can compare. I'm a Libra with lots of Scorpio in my chart, including Mars (those in the know will get this ) so can deeply relate to the Scorpio temperament. A truly unique Sign, unto their own. Go the Scorps!

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

I have noticed this Posted: 3/19/2006 8:39:12 AM
After a relationship breakup (and then discovering my ex had joined this site - even whilst we were still together - found out through a mutual friend) decided to take a look at POF out of curiosity. Well, I thought 'why not join myself' and broaden my social circle? My profile reads that I'm just seeking to make new friends and that is about it. For my more romantic endeavours I would tend to look outside in the tangible world, rather than on the net. However, you never know your luck in a big city :) Having said that, I have had a few dates that were very enjoyable and have met some very pleasant people. My main reason here now is the Forums. Once I'd discovered them... well, they just hooked me right in and I just love them. Finding them quite addictive really (Forum Junkie now) and have enjoyed all the insights, banter, humour, reflections,different points of view, dating stories etc. It was a risk for me to post in the forums, cause I sensed that it would put off some prospective friends/daters who may not have been happy with my postings. Sure enough that has happened and a couple of people have deleted me from their favourites list, but what the hey. Going to say what I really feel, because in truth, the Forums are in some ways more entertaining than I could have imagined. Enjoy seeing the regular posters and all the to and fro... its so much fun.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 132 (view)

Are you with a Psychopath? Posted: 3/19/2006 8:10:46 AM
in addition to that, was this person adopted the speech patterns, mannerisms, dress style, values, beliefs, etc. of whomever they spent time with...was the most disturbing and bizarre experience to watch this happen...and yes, they know exactly what they're doing, I had the same experience as ooommaadoll (msg 121). The information put out here is very valuable. Before I joined this site, I had an experience with someone who exhibited ALL the criteria for sociopathy and in searching for answers found the exact same information from a website. I found it invaluable in that it validated the 'red flags' I'd experienced in this prior relationship, and has alerted me to what to look out for in the future. Something that ought to be added. It is now well known that one of the modern tools sociopaths use to find their next victims (those they can use and manipulate to have their needs met, that is their one and only definition of 'love' ) is the Internet and wait for it... dating sites. My radar is now well honed. P.s Hate to mention this, but the sociopathic guy I mentioned... is ON this site. He is very smooth, articulate charming, very attractive and extremely intelligent. Ladies, be careful.

LiL Bohemian

Joined: 2/19/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Explain this one to me.... Posted: 3/19/2006 7:00:14 AM
You were being TRUE to yourself. Thinking with your HEART and not your bodyparts. Good on you I say. You obviously fell IN LOVE with your fiancee, the real thing. Once you have touched the real thing, it changes you. And very few people really find it or experience it. That soul essence that real love brings into your life. It will take time to heal. Your higher self knows this and you made the right choice. Always be true to that which is real for you. Be brave. Many people here respect you for your choice.

Show ALL Forums