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lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 362 (view)

How much money does a man need to make to keep you interested in him? Posted: 10/8/2009 9:18:11 PM
I'm sure there are gold-digger women out there, or so many men wouldn't start threads complaining about them. The weird thing is that I don't know any women who care that much about how much a man makes. I want a guy to have a career he enjoys, and I would like for him to make a decent living, so he's not struggling to pay bills. I don't need his money; however, it's no fun dating someone who can never go to dinner or a movie because he can't pay his part. I would like for the guy to manage his money decently and not spend tons of money on toys he can't afford. If we are just dating, this doesn't really matter to me. If we are thinking long-term, then his spending habits will affect us both. I am not looking for a man who is so ambitious that his work means everthing to him and enjoying life means little. I want to enjoy life and have some hobbies. It's about balance to me. Most of the women I know are professional women who earn good salaries. They are not dependent on men to support them. My thought is that men who complain about women always wanting money are finding the wrong types of women. It isn't hard to determine if a woman is looking for a man to take care of her. If she has a "princess" attitude, then she might have a sense of entitlement. Instead of thinking every woman is like her, move on.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 267 (view)

Should men pay half of the expense of women's birth control? Posted: 9/10/2009 12:05:23 PM
Ridiculous to ask a guy to pay half of birth control expenses!!! Women need to take care of their own bodies. Yes, he's having sex with you. But guess what, you're having sex, too. Saying that he should pay for half since he's having sex with you is making it sound like you don't enjoy the sex, too. I sure hope you do. If the $30 a month is too much, there are plenty of free clinics that offer birth control pills, the patch, etc. Go to them. I just don't get any woman expecting a man to pay for medication for her body. Just like I'm not going to pay for a guy's Viagra prescription or condoms. I also don't expect for the guy I'm seeing to pay for my haircuts, nail care, clothes, or anything else I think makes me look good. I am my own person, and just like every other person, I have responsibility for my body. Women who think men should pay for everything bother me!!! If we want to be equal, which I certainly do, then we have to be ready to take care of ourselves, our expenses, and to protect our bodies.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

Any single parents going back to school? Posted: 8/27/2009 10:16:18 PM
I went back to school in my late 20s. It was the best decision of my life. I now have a BA and MAEd, and I earn 4 times as much as I did before. It helped me in so many aspects of my life and really was THE factor is changing my life for the best. I would encourage any person to do this, no matter how hard it is. It gives you so much, including an increased earning potential. I would never have done many of the things I can do now if I had not gone back to school. While it's tough to do, you just have to take it one day at a time. In no time, school will be behind you.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 64 (view)

Is having 5 kids from a divorce a huge overkill to get back into the serious dating scene? Posted: 8/27/2009 9:13:06 PM
OP, some women will be interested; some will not. I just have a hard time believing your whole story. You have tons of money. You take 3-6 months of work from time-to-time. Maybe you inherited it? Your story just sounds fishy. I could be wrong - you could be completely honest...but that is how it sounds.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Should I let her come back...AGAIN???? Posted: 8/12/2009 4:48:37 PM
It sounds like you're going to allow her to come back and sure enough, she'll do the same thing again. Do you like feeling this way? Does it feel good for her to drink too much and cheat on you? Come on....what advice would you give a friend? She's going to do the same things again. You're going to be hurt and you're going to waste more time. Just the way things will go. Take it from some of us who have been there!

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Whats wrong with a single parent woman? Posted: 8/6/2009 9:08:34 PM
Just like the poster above said, some men don't want the instant family factor and are worried about your time and availability. I don't think it's about them thinking you want a daddy for your child(ren). Having children changes what you can do in the evenings and if/when you can go on a date. Having children often means you can't go out-of-town on weekends for a road trip or go on a nice vacation far away. It might mean you have to help with homework instead of go on a date. All this makes dating a single parent different than dating a single person. Some men will want to date you; some will not. I learned this from years of being a single parent. I was turned down a lot because of it. While it was frustrating, I understand it. Your best bet is not to get upset over those who won't date you.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 155 (view)

Do women cook anymore?? Posted: 8/6/2009 8:13:05 PM
This has really turned into the "bash women" thread, hasn't it? I didn't realize I, as a woman, was lazy. I work outside of the home 40 hours + a week, take care of my own home, cook on occassion (definitely not every night), run the necessary errands....and come to find out, we women are lazy. Oh, and self-entitled. I'd like to think instead of lazy and self-entitled, I do the things I'm best at. I am good at my work; thus, I make a good living. I'm good at keeping my home clean and picked up. I have never enjoyed cooking, even though I can do a decent job and read recipes. I make enough to get take-out from some restaurants with good food some nights; on other nights, I use the George Foreman grill or eat a sandwich. If I were living with someone, I'd probably ask to switch off on the cooking duties, but since I enjoy having my home picked up and clutter free, I'd probably continue to keep that role. Look, if having a woman who can cook well is high on your list, by all means, go for it. I know many who can cook and like doing it. It's not high on my list of things to do, and I'm not changing myself for anyone. I don't feel entitled any more than the next person, but I'm surely going to live my life as I see fit. If I'm alone because of that, well, I like my own company and have plenty of friends and hobbies.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 796 (view)

Dating Someone On Welfare Posted: 8/6/2009 4:35:10 PM
^^^I'm not sure I understand your comment. Are you saying that a man would earn a larger wage than a woman? That isn't always true, you know. I've earned more than almost every guy I've dated. I'm a single mom. Just wanted to point out that plenty of single moms make good salaries. Not all are struggling.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 82 (view)

Do women cook anymore?? Posted: 8/6/2009 2:07:41 PM
Tbuddha....just because you've dated a lot of the wrong type of women doesn't mean everyone below 40 is a lazy, senseless woman. I'm sure you know that. Many women think men are great. I like when a man helps me do things. I think that people should help out according to their abilities. I think the main complaint a lot of women have is that we are expected to have abilities in certain areas because we are women. I would think that men would not like being expected to have certain abilities because they are men. People are unique. With that said, definitely everyone should help out in a family. I know some 20something and 30something women who are great with their families and certainly not lazy in any way. Since most the women I know work, their husbands help out, too. The women I know who are struggling are the ones who work all day, come home, cook and clean all evening, take care of the kids and never get any help from their husbands. They are worn out all the time and often unhappy.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 74 (view)

Do women cook anymore?? Posted: 8/6/2009 1:45:34 PM
I don't think we're exactly the same (and I keep a really clean house, btw), but I don't like the thought that just because I'm a woman, I can do certain things really well/enjoy certain things. I don't enjoy cooking, but I do it sometimes because I want to eat healthy food and eating out all the time is expensive. I don't know how to work on a car, but I can take care of my lawn. I can do some home repairs but leave some things to the professionals. I don't like shopping very much, and I hate weddings and baby showers. I love decorating, though. My point is that we are all unique. While men and women are different in some ways, I don't think all of that is genetic. Much of what is considered to be "gender roles" is socially engineered, not genetic. Now, I'm not a non-cooking, non-cleaning feminist type. But I don't like coming home and it's expected that I cook every night because I'm a woman. If we want to go back to specific gender roles, I'll cook while you work the man works all day.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 60 (view)

Do women cook anymore?? Posted: 8/6/2009 1:03:13 PM
^^^So what you are saying is that if there are two parents at home, and the woman doesn't cook, she alone is condemning her childred to ill health? The man isn't supposed to help out? It is the woman's fault alone? I want to be with a man who will help out around the house. Maybe cook a few times a week while I cook the other nights.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

what does this man want from me??? Posted: 8/6/2009 1:00:45 PM
Yeah, I'd second landra's opinion! You are just asking for hurt if you stay around.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 55 (view)

Do women cook anymore?? Posted: 8/6/2009 12:45:59 PM
I can cook somewhat, but I've never enjoyed it nor taken the time to be really creative with it. I can bake a little better than cook, but I don't do it often, as that would make me gain a lot of weight! I think the main thing is we want someone who will help out around the house and not just say some chores are "women's work." If we work 40+ hours a week like a man does, then why are we supposed to come home and bust our butts while the man watches TV? And don't say that never happens. It so does. I'll give you an example of something that happened last year to me...a man lived with me (at my home) briefly last year. Even though he got off work earlier than I did (by hours), he expected that I came home, fixed a nice meal, cleaned up and then was ready to go somewhere/play tennis by 7 p.m. Well, since I didn't get home until 6 p.m. from work, I just couldn't get it done. Now, this man wasn't mowing my yard or doing anything around my house. He was watching the news or sports while I was rushing to get dinner made. I thought he expected a little much. Some nights, I came home tired from work and really wanted to eat a sandwich or something quick and then go out and play sports . No...we had to have a good meal...it was my responsibility as a woman to do that for him. Anyways, this type of attitude drives women like me to enjoy being single even more!!!

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

First email he asking about my kids Posted: 8/6/2009 8:32:44 AM
Maybe he just wanted to know if they were really young. Some people don't want to date others with young children. So I don't think it's creepy. Now, as far as the pic, I would insist on that.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

He's a cheater! Posted: 8/6/2009 7:06:57 AM
She is wasting her time and is going to get hurt in the long run. Apparently, she has low self-esteem. Why would she cook, clean, etc for him? Does she feel she was born only to serve men? Why is having a useless man better than no man? Apparently, she doesn't have any hobbies, friends or anything in her life that she enjoys other than waiting on some man. Sad. I've been at this spot before. I let a guy cheat on me for years. He left me for another woman. He cheats on her the same way as he cheated on me. She, like me, stays with him, hoping that she'll change him and get him to "see the light." Yeah, right! Your sister needs some help. If she keeps on doing this, she is going to lead a miserable life. I led a miserable life for several years. These days, I have a happy life. I enjoy doing the things that make me happy. Much better than the days when I couldn't live without a man. I surely hope your sister gets help.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

IM IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO DOESNT LOVE ME Posted: 8/5/2009 7:43:56 PM
He's been clear with you. Once upon a time, a man told me the same thing. I refused to listen and held on. Then, a few months later, I found out he was dating a girl on my softball team. Hurt my feelings terribly at the time. Guess what - he had a relationship with her for over a year. So, he didn't want a relationship with ME. I would say from past experience that you're wasting your time.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Follow Through Posted: 8/4/2009 8:55:56 PM
It happens a lot. You have to get used to it and not take it personally. It could be a ton of things - an ex-gf could have called back, he isn't ready to date, he just met someone else and is more interested in her, he thought about something you said/did and reconsidered, he was just trying to be nice, etc. So many things. Take it from someone who has been dating for 9 years. You just can't get too excited over the first few dates with someone. You never know where it's going to go. A lot of times, it won't go anywhere and you'll never see the person again. Sometimes, people disappear for a while and then, you hear from them again. Don't take it personally, and you'll be fine.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

dating vs marriage, which is harder? Posted: 8/4/2009 8:52:42 PM
Dating has been pretty tough. I was married, too, and actually thought it was much easier. I think it's because I took rejection while dating and the constant not knowing about relationships pretty hard years ago. These days, I just don't care. A lot of my married friends say my dating life is pretty tough, and they wouldn't want to date again for anything in the world. Of course, I hear about their marriages, and I'm glad I'm single. So both are tough at times in different ways, in my opinion.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

your opinion guys/gals Posted: 8/4/2009 8:44:00 PM
I agree with poster #6 - quickest way to ruin a relationship is to spend all your time talking and getting into each other. Give it a breather. He could be reading the forums. He could be talking to friends. And he could have been talking to other women before you/at the same time and is going to explore his options. You aren't in a relationship yet. If you want to run him off, then say something about it and act like it's bothering you. That will show insecurity. That's usually the kiss of death up front. Now, if you keep dating, and he stays online, then maybe it's time to say something. Right now, it's not the time to say anything. Hopefully, he won't see this thread. If he does, you might not have another date.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 189 (view)

does size really matter in an engagement ring? Posted: 8/4/2009 8:30:23 PM
I have heard women demand that their ring is a certain size, carot, etc. It always makes me feel that the ring is more important than the man. It's often a status symbol of who has the largest ring. I feel there are so many other things more important than a ring. I've seen some of the unhappiest women I know wearing huge, beautiful wedding rings. In my opinion, people focused mostly on material things are often unhappy. My sister just bought herself another set of rings. They are very expensive and beautiful. I asked her why she spends so much money and buys herself so many things. She said that she is unhappy, and she buys herself things to make herself feel better. This is what I think of women demanding large rings - they are unhappy and feel the need to have nice things to make themselves feel better. How sad!

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

Is he 'into me' or not? Posted: 8/4/2009 8:17:43 PM
OP, you asked a question and then became defensive when people gave you answers you didn't like! No one is trying to be bitter. We are just looking at what you presented and trying to give advice as we see it. He may be into you, but you two haven't met yet. I would say you should not get too excited until you meet. If you meet and are interested in him (and he in you), then great. Until then, no reason to get too upset. I know it's hard not to get excited when you talk to someone you like, and things are going well. But many of us realize that sometimes all it takes is one meeting to make us realize that there is no chemistry in person. Now, in this case, you two may hit it off and things go swell. Maybe not. Definitely don't ask a question and attack those who try to help you, though. Next time you have a question or need advice, people may just ignore you.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 49 (view)

Need advice for my sister.... Posted: 8/4/2009 2:08:11 PM
Some people don't want to get married. I can understand that. I personally don't care to get married again either. For men, I can especially see the problem, as in community-property states like Texas, they often lose a lot in a divorce. So, maybe the problem is that he just doesn't want to get married. Now, as for your sister paying for everything, why does she do that? I like to pay my fair share, but I surely don't plan on paying for everything while dating. If she really wants to be married, she needs to move on. This guy doesn't. That doesn't make him bad or wrong - he just doesn't want to get married. Some people, especially those who have been married before, don't see a need to get married. But if your sister wants something else, she needs to give up on this guy. Tell her that you won't listen to her anymore. If she "loves" him and won't leave him, then that's her choice. You shouldn't have to hear about it constantly.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Unsure where I stand with him Posted: 8/4/2009 1:54:40 PM
Sounds like you're just a friend with benefits. Why else is he not going places with you? I'd stop listening to him and move on. If he wanted to go places with you, he would.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Why is it and how many have truly? Posted: 7/30/2009 1:07:27 PM
Been there and done this, too. Not doing this again. The apology you are hoping for will most likely never happen. As hard as it is, you need to forget about him and move on. Otherwise, you are stuck in this pattern, which will leave you alone. OP, why do you want this man? If you think about it, you love what you would like things to be like with him, not how he really is. Unless, that is, you like being treated badly.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

Some experience I had... Posted: 7/30/2009 12:16:48 PM
If someone cancels more than once, chances are he/she is not interested. Best to move on without much thought.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

Why do I always put my foot in my mouth about my weight? Posted: 7/30/2009 11:37:16 AM
OP, sounds like you are shooting yourself in the foot and have low self-esteem. Do you have a problem with your weight? If so, then you need a plan to lose some. Do you have an issue with living with your mother? You need to put your best foot forward and stop doing this. Guys generally don't like when a woman needs reassurance up front. Gives off the wrong vibes. It's just like a friend of mine who always asks if she looks "big" in her outfit...drives me crazy. I've been guilty of doing this sometimes. I will say to men, I'm not thin. I'm not big either, and I am involved with sports and am pretty athletic. But not thin. Why do I feel the need to point this out....well, it must be that I'm not comfortable with not being thin. Maintaining confidence can be hard, especially when you get rejected or a relationship ends. Put your best foot forward. Accentuate your positives. If you have problems with something about yourself, work to change it.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 68 (view)

Do u believe in love at first sight??? Posted: 7/30/2009 11:31:59 AM
I don't think it's love, but I've definitely had instant chemistry with someone at first sight. You know...the ones you sit down with and feel like you've known each other for your entire lives. Nice feeling! I don't think it happens that often for people, but it's happened a few times in my life.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

Relationship talk shows - Dr.Phil, Oprah Posted: 7/30/2009 11:30:06 AM
I don't like either show. I'm not home in time to watch these shows, either. In the past, I was one of those women who dissected relationships, wondered what he was thinking, etc. Maybe years of relationships made me change. I just am not that worried about what whomever I'm dating is thinking...lol! Too much work and emotional investment. I can see how young women and people who are home during the day might enjoy these shows, especially if they have nothing else to do in the afternoons. I'm not that young and I'm not at home during the day, unless I'm sick!

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

How FAR have you gone..(in your eyes or others eyes)...to find a bf/gf? Posted: 7/30/2009 9:26:27 AM
No to all. I have had friends introduce me to someone, but I don't do that anymore either!!! Many of these sound desperate. Desperation usually runs people off. I don't have time to talk to 50 people a day. I have a job, and generally my boss likes me to work for a living (imagine that)!

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 398 (view)

Adults living at home with Mom and Dad Posted: 7/30/2009 9:23:41 AM
I understand that sometimes people have to move back home to get back on their feet after a divorce or job loss. Also, some people live at home to take care of elderly parents. I do believe, though, that living on your own teaches you a great amount of responsibility and is good for everyone to do at some point (living alone meaning not living with a SO or parent). The reason is because you learn how to take care of yourself and pay the bills. Let me give you an example. I was young when I got married. I moved from my parent's house to living with my husband. We bought our own place, but he took care of everything, including paying the bills (I did work - he just took care of the bills). It wasn't until we divorced 8 years later that I learned a whole lot about living on my own and paying my own bills. At first, it was terribly hard. But over time, I bought my own home and learned so much. None of that would have happened if I hadn't lived on my own. I still live on my own, and I really value my freedom and ability to take care of myself. Would it be a turn-off to date someone living at home? Frankly, I haven't met anyone living at home with parents. It wouldn't date anyone living at home either. If the person is going through a rough patch, well, I think that person has other priorities than dating. If he is taking care of an elderly parent, while I would commend him for doing so, he probably doesn't have time to devote to dating. So my answer is no to dating men living at home. I would expect a man would feel the same about women. If I were a man, I would wonder if a woman living at home knows how to take care of herself or would expect me to do everything for her.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

confused about relationships Posted: 7/29/2009 8:57:36 PM
I agree with the other posters who questioned your self-esteem and if you are a "fixer." I used to be one, so I know how it is to care about someone who is really a loser. Sorry to say, but this guy sounds like he has some issues. Maybe he's a player, too. Who cares really? He isn't any good for you. Do you want to spend your life trying to "fix" others, to always have some type of drama and hardship? It sure can be emotionally draining to do this, so if that's what you want, prepare for this. I see women who thrive on these types of relationships today, and it makes me sad knowing that I used to be like this. I can't believe I dated some of the guys in my past. Many were very needy and had issues. I still know some (or hear about them), and many still have the same issues. I hear about how some other women are trying their best, and wasting their lives, to try to fix these guys now. The best thing you can do is to move forward with your life and look for a guy who has it more together than this.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Why do men keep stating, I want a woman who knows what she wants? Posted: 7/29/2009 2:19:28 PM
Just because they want a woman who knows what she wants doesn't mean the guy is attracted to you.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

what to do Posted: 7/29/2009 7:41:39 AM
This is why people need to slow down! They meet someone and are full steam ahead before they even know the person. Now a child is involved in this situation. I dont mean to judge or anything, but definitely slow down in the future so this doesnt happen again. You have rights as the father, if you are the father. I would suggest a paternity test as soon as the baby is born. If you are the father, then you can go through the courts to get visitation rights. It's probably going to be a struggle to deal with this woman, though. I would try to find a lawyer to talk to and get suggestions.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

In a relationship, Hanging out with Opposite sex friends makes SO feel uncomfortable Posted: 7/28/2009 9:02:49 PM
^^^Wow, I didnt realize people thought this way. I wont give up my friends for a SO. I'd think the SO was insecure if he asked me to do so. I dated a man last year. Everytime my phone rang or I received a text, he would ask me if it was an ex-boyfriend trying to get me back. At first, I laughed it off. Then, it became annoying. I couldnt call a male friend back or he'd get worried. He had nothing to worry about. Started driving me crazy. Funny thing is...guess who was talking to his ex-girlfriend....him!!! Now I know why he kept questioning me. People with tons of questions are often the ones doing it themselves!

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 60 (view)

Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man. Posted: 7/28/2009 8:53:05 PM
You posted in a public forum, so I can post here too. No, I don't know what your life is like, nor do you know the things I have gone through. No guys would give me the time of day for years because I had a young child. Did I say they weren't real men? No, while I was frustrated, I realized everyone has different lifestyles and some men weren't going to be interested. Some are still not interested, even though my son is grown. Believe me, it has been frustrating at times. But I don't say rude things about people who aren't interested in dating people with children. I'm sorry you took offense to what I said, but how would you like if someone called you names? I think men who don't want to date women with children have been berated enough on this forum.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 53 (view)

Partner to share which bills? Posted: 7/28/2009 12:53:24 PM
I think starry-eyed love is over for a lot of us! I cant see any of us living with someone without protecting ourselves first. Personally, I'm a little afraid to move in with anyone due to financial and other reasons. I sure wouldn't sell my home and I wouldn't pay a fortune for someone else's home. I would pay some rent and/or towards utilities.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Long story, don't know what to do anymore. Posted: 7/28/2009 12:38:35 PM
It sounds to me like you are annoying her and making things worse. Showing up at her job. Calling/texting a lot. I think if you had any chance you've messed it up. I understand you regret your decision but the flowers, postcard, etc would make me feel annoyed. Do you really want to be the ex-boyfriend who is psycho? Dont you realize that is probably how she is describing you to friends and coworkers? I dont mean to be harsh, but I think you need to see how she could be interpreting your behavior.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 27 (view)

Friends zone after a few dates Posted: 7/28/2009 12:23:25 PM
He's not into you. He went out with you a few times just to make sure. He likes you as a friend but nothing more. I have stayed around hoping a guy would change his mind before. Never had it happen. Was a waste of time. Now I'm fine with being friends with the guy, but I wouldn't spend my time hoping he would later want to be in a romantic relationship with me.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Ending a rebound relationship Posted: 7/28/2009 12:18:19 PM
She might learn a lesson after this relationship is over. I sure did. I am never going to be a therapist for months on end again! I dont mind helping friends out when they need to talk, but helping a SO lament why his wife wanted that other guy and hearing every detail about their marriage. I dont have time for those things today!

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

In a relationship, Hanging out with Opposite sex friends makes SO feel uncomfortable Posted: 7/28/2009 12:14:38 PM
I have an issue with a SO telling me I shouldn't have lunch/dinner with friends of the opposite sex. Reeks of insecurity. Unless I've given the person a reason to doubt me, I'm not going to suddenly drop male friends. I've had relationships like this before. They usually become suffocating.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Ending a rebound relationship Posted: 7/28/2009 11:45:54 AM
I was part of a rebound relationship much like what you describe, except that he and the soon-to-be-ex-wife didn't get back together - he met someone else. This man and I thought we were meant for each other. He professed his love within the first month and said I made him feel like he hadn't felt in so long. Things were wonderful. Then real life and taking care of two small children on his own set in. He was angry that his soon-to-be-ex was already pregnant by her new boyfriend. After a few months, he thought maybe we had rushed things. Eventually, he met someone else (after almost a year and the divorce was nearing finality) and moved on. I was very hurt at the time. If I had to do it over, he and I would never have been involved in the first place. I would have realized he had a lot to work through. I wouldn't have been his therapist over the ex and why did she leave him for months on end. I wouldn't have had to listen to how he couldn't figure out how to pay his bills on his own and take care of the kids on his own. My suggestion to the woman involved in this situation - move on and don't look back. I am now appreciative that this man and I didn't work out. I wouldn't have wanted to be involved in the situation he had going (2 young children crying over their mom all the time, him thinking the ex was so great and how could she have left him, etc). But at the time, it was hard! The woman involved in this situation will get over this and think it was for the best that it ended. It will take time, though.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Partner to share which bills? Posted: 7/27/2009 4:33:39 PM
What a mortgage payment! I think paying some type of rent or a larger portion of the utilities is fair. If I were to move in with someone, I'd probably offer to pay half of the mortgage, but in Houston, I don't know anyone paying a mortgage over $1700/month. In your case, I can understand not paying for a home you don't own; however, you should pay for living there. I think you should each pay for each of your cars and associated fees, as well as individual toys. Cell phones are the same. I get that love shouldn't be a business transaction; however, we have to protect ourselves financially. In the past, I allowed men to not pay for this and that and thought first of love before thinking of money. Not a smart thing for those of us who own property. You'd better believe I'm going to think of money before living together or getting married.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 56 (view)

Single mother's with disabled children, trying to find a man. Posted: 7/27/2009 4:09:52 PM
I don't have a special needs child, and my son is actually grown now. I'm blessed to have such a great kid. However, I have issue with those who say any man who won't date a woman with a special needs child is not a man. As a single parent, I like to read this forum. But continuously, I see this phrase "He's not a man if....he won't date a woman with children, he won't date a woman with special needs children," etc. That isn't right! Some people, both men and women, don't want to get involved with people with small children. Some don't want to date a person with special needs children because they know they don't have the patience for this, etc. This doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with the person. I don't want to date men with young children because mine is grown, and I want to travel, be involved in sports in the evenings, etc. I didn't realize that there is something wrong with me, or I'm less of a woman. While I agree that it hurts that some men may run when they find out about your children, it doesn't give you the right to demean them. People have different lifestyles and goals. We live in a free country, last time I checked, which gives us all the right to live our lives as we see fit. Yes, some may run, but others will embrace your special needs children. Instead of complaining, why not keep looking until you find one of them.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

It's almost impossible to find a good woman today Posted: 7/25/2009 12:16:42 PM
You're the one who let her stay at your house, right? There are plenty of good women (and men) out there. I know lots of attractive, non-materialistic women. Ones who take care of themselves and don't need to borrow someone's washer/dryer or use someone because they have their own homes and things. Ones that don't whine all the time. You have to find them out there. Plenty of women like/love men. I know I do. And btw, I'm not a liberal either. Where did you get that? Look, if you know crazy women, then that's on you. There are plenty of stable, good women, and I'm sure tons are on this website. Sometimes, men (and women) are too busy trying to help/change the crazies to find the good ones.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 37 (view)

I don't get any attention in my relationship. Posted: 7/25/2009 9:14:38 AM
Brian, Unfortunately, I don't see this relationship working. I'm not going to blame you entirely because it is both of your faults. This is her 4th child, and I assume she is close to your age. That's a whole lot to take care of. You say you two are having money problems. Added stress. Sounds like she isn't showing you affection. Another problem. I don't know what to suggest, but as the poster above me said so well, you're in for a bad life if this continues. I think you're going to work hard and not make any money. You and this woman are going to become miserable with each other, and the kids are going to have a miserable life, too (believe me, I grew up with two parents who hated each other - I was miserable). You need to change things quickly at this point. My suggestion would be to extricate yourself from this situation. Try to find a free attorney (there are resources for people with little money) to help you get rights to see your child. Pay child support and try to help this woman raise the child. Go back to school and get a good paying job. Stop dating for a while and focus on yourself. Brian, we all make mistakes. I've made tons of them myself. What matters is that we learn from them and turn our lives around. This is your chance to turn your life around. Staying in this situation doesn't sound like a good life. This woman probably is worn out from all these kids. I feel sorry for her and you both. I wish you the best in trying to sort this relationship out. I hope a year from now your story is much different. Take it from me - I had a child at 17 and went through mess after mess for many years. Finally, I started turning my life around. I went to school, got a good job, and worked hard for several years. I stopped dating losers. I was determined that I could have a good life. Now, 20 years later, I do. I am so blessed to have the life I have. But it took determination and learning from my mistakes to do this.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 51 (view)

Is she crazy or am I reading more into it? Posted: 7/24/2009 9:02:27 PM
I would be worried about this and would try to talk to her about slowing down. She may be just overly excited, but it does sound like too much too soon. She's crazy about you? It's a little soon to be like that. Some people move at the speed of light in relationships. Sometimes that works for them. I usually have found when I've moved too fast in a relationship that I later find out things that make the man and I incompatible. These days, I believe in taking it slow. I agree with a poster who asked if she had a life other than you. Makes me wonder if she does. Often, those with no life attach themselves even faster to others.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Rebound could it work? Posted: 7/24/2009 8:59:41 PM
It probably won't work out; however, sounds like you want him back. Is that the case? If so, you maybe need to step back and not talk to him for a while, or else you could end up getting hurt.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

A Little Piece of You Dying Posted: 7/24/2009 2:12:37 PM
I know it hurts OP. It always hurts when a relationship ends. But think about...was this a good relationship? Sounds like you put in your part, but he wasn't putting in his part. Plus, a long distance relationship is really hard to maintain. I think you need to write down/think about all the bad things in this relationship. Also, think about some things that you like to do. Do you have some friends you could hang out with? How about hobbies and activities you enjoy? Why are you spending all your time on the computer talking to him? Don't you want to get out and enjoy life, too?

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Texting while on a date Posted: 7/24/2009 1:49:27 PM
It's rude. I had a date do that to me once. I never went out with him again, and I told him why. He didn't get it. Too bad. I would say he was more interested in her than you. She may have been a fwb or he wanted her to be.

lovetennis37

Joined: 6/17/2009

Msg: 67 (view)

Dating while pregnant, or just friends. Posted: 7/24/2009 1:07:53 PM
I'm amazed that anyone ever asks this question, yet I've seen it on here several times. Why in the world a pregnant woman would want to date is beyond me! Ther e is so much to do and get ready for. I have to wonder sometimes about people. And I know the OP is no longer here (or is she) but having children definitely changes your life. I can understand a man's relunctance to date a woman who is pregnant. The OP lashed out at everyone who said otherwise. I guess she just wanted to hear, of course, yes, tons of men will want to date you.....not likely!

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