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 Author Thread: Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Responsibilitys of Age Gap Relationships
Posted: 8/22/2009 9:57:15 PM
I don't think this particularly has anything to do with the age gap. I was just 13 months younger than my ex-husband, but I told him - the very first time I had lunch with him - that I would NOT be a nurse, maid or caretaker! I am just not cut out for that kind of life.

When we had been married for just a little over two years, he started to become disabled from a couple of work accidents. I moved him back to CA so I could get help from my family. He was put on permanent disability. It was awful, AwFuL, AWFUL! and, got worse and worse.

We ended up losing everything that I had worked hard to build for myself and to keep for us both: all the equity in our home, two paid for cars, all our savings, investments, everything!

And, this experience is another reason I will not settle with anyone my age or older ever again!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Are you ready to date again if you are still in love with someone else?
Posted: 8/22/2009 9:49:58 PM
no, emphatically NO! I spent ten years of my life - loving with everything I had - someone who was actually still in love with his childhood sweetheart AND always would be! I found out that he had actually become engaged to other women after 2 or 3 year relationships with them, but then would break up or move away to avoid making that ultimate commitment.

I cut him off completely - finally - and moved away myself. I got married and sent him an announcement only! then, he sent me gifts, tear-stained letters, and even flew several thousand miles to see me - of course, it was too late then. amazingly he ended up taking my advice to move back to his hometown and within a year he was married to the REAL LOVE of his life! so, we are now friends because I stuck it out the longest, I guess, and I was instrumental in him getting the marriage he really wanted.

I think it is totally dishonest, hurtful and cheap to start up with someone when you have nothing emotionally to give them. you have to know what your own limits and interests are and you have to be willing to honestly convey those to other people.

when someone is mired in their past, I try to find out if there is any compatible avenue that is still open. if there is, such as being friends only, then I give it a try. what I will NOT do is provide easy sex to any man who is conflicted at all.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Do women have more expectations than men?
Posted: 8/22/2009 9:26:58 PM
of course, women have more expectations than men! isn't that a given? women are trying to find things to do so that things don't just drift off to nothingness after hello & coffee, or whatever! women are always expecting to make conversation, keep things lively and to make the contact special.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Profile Review, Please ... ?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:59:40 PM
thank you for the compliment. I can certainly take care of the photos.

I have been told that being too specific about the type of man / relationship just limits the contacts. what do you think?
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Profile Review, Please ... ?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:58:32 PM
thank you. I can definitely re-word those things.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Profile Review, Please ... ?
Posted: 8/10/2009 1:58:08 PM
thank you. very good suggestions. it is not fibbing on other sites, I just put limits such as "friends" only or something similar. other places are not really as intentional as this one.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Looking for profile feedback
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:23:03 PM
a man that can make sushi?!? you should have good, quality women beating a path to your small NE town for that alone!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Looking for profile feedback
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:22:39 PM
a man that can make sushi?!? you should have good, quality women beating a path to your small NE town for that alone!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
I need a profile review
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:16:29 PM
hey, I think your profile is nice! you could fill it out a little more, but the overview is good. you can always add more pics; the ones you have up are attractive. you seem like a great guy ... good luck on this site and in whatever else you do!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Pictures of you with someone else...
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:13:21 PM
yes, I do agree that this is really a problem! I have messaged a couple of people about it and have only received really rude replies. Most people say that it's a son's or daughter's girlfriend/boyfriend, some other family member or whatever. It's the immediate offense that's taken that surprises me the most!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Profile critique (male profile)
Posted: 8/7/2009 3:07:52 PM
the explanations of your ten favorite things may be just a bit too much. perhaps you could separate them somehow to make the explanation part more readable and less intimidating.

also, you are old enough to have made your own personal decision about children, or not. if you are looking for a long-term relationship, then you need know at least this much about yourself before getting in too far with someone. it is not that you cannot change your decision, having met and fallen in love with the right person, but you should not be undecided! children, or not, is too important an issue.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Profile Review, Please ... ?
Posted: 8/7/2009 2:59:17 PM
My original profile was thin. I have just added more pictures. I have also expanded the verbiage a little bit.

This is the one place online that I am being completely upfront about the kind of relationship I'm seeking.

Any constructive comments would be appreciated. Thank you.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Are you ready to date again if you are still in love with someone else?
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:20:49 PM
well, I spent 10 years with a man who carried a torch for his high school sweetheart. I just shortchanged myself. he loved me, for sure, but there was always that part of him that would belong to her and long for her.

I left him and married someone else. after three years, he returned to his home town and indeed, married high school sweetheart. they are happy, with (late in life) twin sons; but, the really interesting thing is that he is now one of my oldest and dearest friends.

if I faced the situation again, I would run for the hills immediately - knowing what I know now - but in this one situation, it would have cost me a wonderful friend and his family.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 29 (view)
 
how to get undepleted and re-energized?
Posted: 7/30/2009 7:07:10 PM
yes, I think most people in longer term, monogamous, relationships have this feeling or experience once single again. you need to do whatever you is necessary to get yourself through the period of adjustment, recovery and ennui. don't push yourself into situations that aren't comfortable. be very gentle, patient and understanding with yourself and make lots of allowances for how difficult the time you are going through really is.

I take it easy. I read, knit, keep a journal. I spend plenty of time resting. I play with my dogs. I work in my yard. I take walks. I visit with friends who absolutely let me be myself. what restores you, refreshes you and helps you through these periods is unique to you.

just know that you will recover, you will experience happiness and joy again, and life will be the wonderful adventure that it is for you again!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 50 (view)
 
I have only one question, WTF?!
Posted: 7/30/2009 6:55:01 PM
all unsolicited advice should just be taken in the spirit you perceive: if the person sounds genuine and sincere in their message, then take it for what it's worth. if they sound testy, pushy, arrogant, or whatever other negative adjective, then just discard and disregard the message.

sometimes it's just fun to poke at people's profiles. I especially get a kick out of razzing men who put stupid, sexist, demeaning to women stuff in their profiles. because as soon as you call them on their nonsense, they get all puffed up and defensive. I think that is hilarious and it's usually good for a few entertaining emails!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 319 (view)
 
Why is no head an automatic turn off for guys
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:53:10 PM
because if you want to get, you should learn how to give ! the penis of a man that you love, admire, respect, or just want to have a good time with, is NOT repulsive. it is a pleasure, fun, relaxing and important beyond words to most men!

this is a lot like a child who says they don't like some food they've never even tried !!!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 59 (view)
 
The Four favourite questions guys love to ask....
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:44:51 PM
jeez, if any man actually came out (no pun intended!) and asked me any of these questions, I'd be running the other way so fast, I would just be a B L U R !!!

these are perhaps the four most important sex questions a man might have ... but the real fun would be in enjoying great sex and finding out! anything less would be moronic.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 167 (view)
 
first date sex
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:38:39 PM
I think "like" is the wrong term.How about use them for sex.....and don't want her because she isn't worthy of anymore effort than being a sperm depository.

I have never wasted my time having sex with someone I don't like....seems a little pointless if you ask me.Well....not unless I was getting paid, I mean.

And WHO doesn't call back for more free sex, at the very least, but a LOSER!??????

A chicken sh*t....that's who and who needs THAT in thier bed or life?

This is from a "closer2u" post and it is EXACTLY correct ! I have been dealing with sorting out a situation like for over 2-1/2 years! I'm at this site to make every effort to get past it!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 166 (view)
 
first date sex
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:33:43 PM
you just need to be clear on what you want and to distinguish this in the mind of the male involved. there is no such thing as sexual liberation or meeting women's needs when it comes to men. the mind set is neandrathal! there are still "grown" males running around with the madonna / whore complex or good girls don't / bad girls do syndrome.

if you want to have sex with the guy, go right ahead, but don't kid yourself that it will be taken as any way except cheap. you may get another call - a booty call! just be prepared! if you get fortunate, you may stumble across a decent man who enjoys you just as you are.

sometimes it doesn't matter, either ... I went out with a man for six months before I slept with him. we live several miles apart and he does travel some for his job, so I thought we were well on our way to at least being friends. however, as soon as I had sex with him ... it may as well have been a one-night stand! I have broken up with him three times in 2-1/2 yrs. he comes back around, but not much changes.

THAT's why I'm on this site! stating my wants / needs and trying to see if there are real, normal males around!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 301 (view)
 
Women & Blowjobs
Posted: 7/28/2009 4:26:46 PM
uuuhhhmmm, NO - I love to give head to a man that appreciates a good job! both people enjoying this is a great part of having mutual, wonderful sex ...

there are literally dozens of books that provide all kinds of techniques to try along with the standard. all should be tried to see which work for the people involved. and, experimentation is the spice of all of this!

I have been blessed with long-term relationships where experience grew with the man. I have had the opportunity to enjoy the "all-day sucker"! I have also had a man, literally, fall down from my efforts!

your theory doesn't really hold up ...




 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
What do you do to keep yourself busy in Palmdale?
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:11:28 PM
there are wonderful scenic places to hike, drive; there are fun and interesting places to visit, hisoric towns; you are near lots of entertainment - parks, amusement parks, sports, ocean, mountains; you can go prospecting; you can surf, swim, picnic. you can go to ball games, concerts (indoor / outdoor), museums, galleries.

if you are bored around here, then you have serious problems with what exactly has "entertainment" value for you!

who was it that said: "boredom is the heighth of arrogance"
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 120 (view)
 
Should Pot be legal?
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:05:51 PM
11 states and growing, especially with Obama as President, have some form of legal medical marijuana. check out Americans for Safe Access website for research, references and links.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 119 (view)
 
Should Pot be legal?
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:04:10 PM
Oaksterdam is by far and away a leader in how the decriminalization / legalization process / progress is likely to go!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Altrusim vs. Individualism
Posted: 7/26/2009 7:02:15 PM
I am a non-violent anarchist. I recently read a blog post on another popular site ...

"the measure of a man is how he treats people who can do him absolutely no good"

I rather like this.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
APPLES
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:57:58 PM
take huge Washington delicious or MacIntosh, core them, line a shallow pan with foil, make a mixture of honey, your favorite nut pieces, cinnamon, pour into each core and drizzle over top / edge, bake about 20 - 25 minutes, or to preferred softness. serve warm or cool with vanilla ice cream / whipped cream or both.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Ready for the stupidest Alpha male question of the year?
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:54:28 PM
the food channel both on TV and online will have more ideas and give you more help than you can use!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Food for when your being cheap or being poor
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:52:07 PM
it is not difficult to eat nutritiously even when poor. at the regular supermarket / grocery store, select the freshest produce, especially seasonal and on sale. it is much healthier than trying to figure out what to do with sugar, sweet, high fat and poor quality ingredients or foodstuffs.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Scotch
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:48:12 PM
oh, yeah, the Glenmorangie selections are excellent!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Cast IRon Skillets
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:47:21 PM
definitely don't throw them out! cure them once before you begin using them with soap and warm water. dry completely. oil lightly before the first use.

then, after each use, as soon as possible, wipe with paper towel or soft kitchen cloth. apply very thin oil. store in any cupboard away from heat.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 39 (view)
 
Vegetarian and Back
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:44:45 PM
no, I do this often, eating no meat for days or weeks at a time. I mix back in red meat, fish and cheese a meal at a time. I eat lots of nuts and legumes and yogurt, too. I have not experienced gas, bloating or any digestion problems.

you might try adding soy / tofu products and yogurt because both are good for the digestive tract. also, enzymes, especially papaya enzymes are good for aiding digestion.

what you're doing is very healthy and you'll find the right balance as you go along.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Should I try and sell my desserts? what do you think?
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:39:53 PM
this is a totally great idea and it would be so great if you follow through! I tried something similar a few months ago, but the regulations where I live with regard to baked goods (all food items, really) coming from a home kitchen were far too burdensome. I could not afford a commercial kitchen! just be sure that you comply with local regulations for health and labeling. go for it!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 92 (view)
 
The price of the spice?
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:37:28 PM
statistically and historically, saffron is still the most expensive seasoning; about $1,000 - $1,500 per ounce for the real thing.

the most expensive spice I have used regularly is cardamom. I use it in spice cookies and spice cake and sesame bread. it has a similar flavor to anise. it can be used in both sweet and savory recipes. it runs about $15.00 for a 2 to 3 oz bottle.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Favorite Vegetarian Recipe?
Posted: 7/26/2009 6:34:52 PM
readers digest has a wonderful book, The Vegetarian Bible, that is well worth finding.
it is full of thorough background information on vegetables, seasonings, herbs, spices, soy/tofu, legumes. it has wonderful fast and simple recipes and some excellent base dough, pastry and bread recipes.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 62 (view)
 
All time best blow offs, keep it fun
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:37:19 PM
ha, ha, ha ... OR, I'm not safe to be around if / when I forget to take my medication?
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 61 (view)
 
All time best blow offs, keep it fun
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:35:54 PM
well, I doubt you deserved it ... did you?
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 72 (view)
 
Define your terms, separated or just in another room
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:34:36 PM
here, here ... wise, concise and so true!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 71 (view)
 
Define your terms, separated or just in another room
Posted: 7/26/2009 12:32:02 PM
separated means still married! and it is a total turn-off ... to be on any site, looking for anything before you're actually divorced, and have taken some time to heal, grow and get yourself ready for the next phase of your life! NOBODY wants to be the re-bound person and looking for anyone during the separation period is just asking for more heartache.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Survival skills
Posted: 7/24/2009 5:55:32 PM
I certainly agree that kindness, generosity (of spirit, if not money) and being nice in general are all good survival skills. HOWEVER, I, from personal experience, have to temper that: each and every person has a maximum limit to these traits. sometimes you just have to shut down, keep yourself away from others who would drain you (whether or not intentionally) and make time to re-charge.

also, these traits are not all there is to doing anything more than surviving. there is figuring out how to stay clean, how to stay mentally/physically/emotionally fit, sane and decent. or, maybe that's re-defining survival as not intended here ...
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Should Pot be legal?
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:04:27 PM
EGADS! all traces of marijuana leave a person's system after just thirty (30) days of abstinence! undisputable F A C T !

as any of the medical profession, psychobabble / new agers, sociologists, etc will tell you, it takes only thirty (30) days, or less, to break a habit.

would that all such self-"inflicted" abuse were so easy to clean up from!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Should Pot be legal?
Posted: 7/21/2009 8:00:49 PM
was it Shakespeare that said: "first, let's kill all the lawyers?"
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 113 (view)
 
Should Pot be legal?
Posted: 7/21/2009 7:59:59 PM
this is very true; I've known daily users since I was a teenager - most would not consider another drug, even tobacco or alcohol!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 48 (view)
 
how soon for new relationship after death of partner
Posted: 7/18/2009 5:30:44 PM
this is just very personal and different for each person. the real question is whether or not this person is going to let others dictate their happiness.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 112 (view)
 
Should Pot be legal?
Posted: 7/18/2009 5:28:57 PM
yes, and because cigarettes were Cheap, CHeap, CHEap, CHEAp, CHEAP! the whole entire glamorization of smoking was done at the cost of lives!

I smoked for three years: from my 18th birthday to my 21st birthday. fortunately, I was one of the lucky ones that could just put them down, cold turkey, no problem. but, the real motivating factor was that a pack of cigarettes had gone up to $0.50 per pack! that was way out of my willingness to budget for it.

if you correlate the increase in price to the decrease in smoking, it begins to make sense. cigarette smoking costs us more than marijuana smoking ever has or could!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 111 (view)
 
Should Pot be legal?
Posted: 7/18/2009 5:25:27 PM
it would actually be cheaper. and, I'm not opposed to the government becoming dependent on the tax dollars. there are ways that the government can be involved that does benefit all levels of users. not that the government does a good job of it ... just take a look at alcohol, prescription drugs and tobacco!

and, you KNOW that decriminalization is not going to happen without some type of government oversight. there's just too much money involved. law enforcement salaries and retirement, judges and all those court employees; in fact, whole agencies would have to be re-tooled. decriminalization puts control too far into the hands of the people and that's too scary for just about everyone except the beat cop who has to deal with all the paperwork, hassle, ridiculous bureaucracy.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Why is it tough for men to say I'm sorry.
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:23:02 PM
saying "I'm sorry" is very difficult for almost everyone.

it is not only tough for men to say, but very nearly impossible. for many, many men, the female must know him well enough to know what passes for an apology.

there are also cultural and familial factors that influence a lot of people when it comes to what should be apologized for and how to express it.
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 23 (view)
 
do our walls keep out the wrong people?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:19:58 PM
well, you have to do something! people start off giving you the very best picture of themselves - even if they don't mean to be dishonest! then, unless you are "dating" or have the same "relationship" goal, someone is going to be hurt, disappointed, let down, whatever.

that's when it looks like you were lied to. it might just be that you don't have what it takes to stick it out and get past the next phase.

truly, gold diggers and the truly outrageous are / or should be / rather obvious to most adults?!?
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 82 (view)
 
whack jobs! are they on the increase?
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:16:35 PM
yeah, I mostly agree with this. we live in a "grass is always greener" type of environment. people and relationships are disposable. people resent the pain and hurt that comes from knowing others they care about feel that way about them.

also, when you have so many "dates" and "relationships", the list of requirements that develops for the next candidate becomes more and more unrealistic. the demands placed on people because of this are tremendous. nobody can live up such expectations.

it makes for very crazy views and expectations!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/14/2009 6:08:56 PM
people CAN just be who they are.

I think the problem is then that they don't want to actually get what they know they would get IF they were honest, straightforward and up front. people are generally not brave. they are insecure. they are cowards.

and, men especially, are unrealistic about what they have to settle for; what kind of women are actually available for the type of men they are. they want what the media tells them they can have: blonde, big tits, size 2, young, giggly, and nothing else to do but live for them!

and, there are media people that tell men it is okay to lie, deceive, and do whatever they feel like with women. like women are not really people with feelings, needs, wants, etc. sad, but true!
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
why can't people just be who they are
Posted: 7/14/2009 5:58:02 PM
oh my ... you couldn't possibly have read deeply enough between the lines to have discovered this hoax! you were scammed.

but, it just has to be taken as a learning experience. what can you do when people just lie?
 deserthottie
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Should Pot be legal?
Posted: 7/12/2009 8:01:48 PM
oh, and by the way, to any one here reading my posts ... NO, I do NOT smoke pot. not regularly, not even recreationally.

I do, however, support decriminalization, regulation, taxation and sanity around the cultivation, sale and use of marijuana.

I have been told that our prison population is about 90% drug related and a large percentage of that is for marijuana. that's an incredible amount of money that could be put to much better use. what does it cost the US taxpayer per year to house the average marijuana offender? about $30,ooo+!
 
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