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 Author Thread: One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:58:29 PM
Clean advice SydneyMale...thanks man!
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 410 (view)
 
Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:34:27 PM
Wowser. 17 pages and counting. Agree the OP has been attacked beyond reason and degraded for his looks and his weight. Completely out of line. Women want chivalry and many men are willing & able to be chivalrous; on the same token men (and women of course) want respect. To the women who have posted non inflammatory comments here - I would opine that the bigger threat to you (women) is not the OP's opinion or subsquent comments from men, but rather the uncalled for hostile and derogatory comments from other women. I see a lot of invalidating, degrading and humilliation going on in many threads & posts. Its great when women challenge men and when men can challenge women. Thats what makes our society better than many other societies. However, humilliating, degrading, and invalidating others under a banner of honesty is uncalled for and only hurts your cause b/c mature people are going to be turned off and stop listening to what you're trying to say. Words have power and this guy doesn't deserve to be pistol whipped so to speak. Again, its great to share feelings and be honest - tell him you don't like what he said - but personal attacks and aggressiveness seem to show an underlying insecurity and anger that is beyond the scope of the OP or his opinions.

Thank you friend...I couldn't have said it better myself. I may generalize a lot and be abruptly honest in my opinions, but I will never make any offenses to any direct individuals here or anywhere else. There are too many factors behind every single person that a direct attack would be very ignorant on my part. Women...please notice the difference between generalizations and direct comments to an individual. If you personally choose to take a generalized comment as a direct insult then that is your choice. You might want to realize that although the comment does not fit who you believe you are, there is a high percentage that there are many other people out there who the comment does fit for. So, to maintain the peace and harmony, might as well assume that the offensive comment was meant for the other side of the scale which does not include you. :) In return, I respect all attacks on "men as a whole" because like Excelsiur said, it is great for us to challenge each other. But whenever anybody directly attacks another person they don't even know, I feel that it's pathetic and appalling. And I feel sorry for the insulter more than the insulted.
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 409 (view)
 
Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/8/2009 6:25:18 PM
To yew4ic:

This is bullshit. I raised two sons, and thankully, they both have been taught to think much higher of women than this..... It's a guy thing.I may sound like an old fashioned idealist..but I think deep inside most men still are into the hunting, gathering, protecting, and providing role.


You DID generalize, when you said that if a man pays for an expensive meal in this day and age, it is impossible for it to mean anything but wanting to get in our pants. How can you make a generalization like this, about your own gender, and then complain about generalizations?


yew4ic, you sound extremely reasonable and I think we would agree about a lot of things. So let me clarify, I am not complaining about generalizations. I am the one that made the generalizations and somebody else in the thread got all touchy. I sincerely hope nobody here honestly believes they can claim what EVERY SINGLE person in the world is like; and obviously nobody should assume that anybody else makes comments referring to EVERY SINGLE person in the class they are talking about. So, if someone says "women are like ____" I would hope that every single mature adult would recognize that the other person knows that there are such a thing as nuns (for example) which will obviously not fit the description yet are still women. Hence a generalization is just that, an individuals personal opinion of what he/she believes the 51% majority of that class could be described as. But we all realize that there is a huge minority that does not conform to the same description.

yew4ic:

This is bullshit. I raised two sons, and thankully, they both have been taught to think much higher of women than this..... It's a guy thing.I may sound like an old fashioned idealist..but I think deep inside most men still are into the hunting, gathering, protecting, and providing role.


I personally still believe in my heart that there are amazing sincere women out there, and I actually meet everybody and think the best of them right off the bat. Always have always will. But in reality I have had enough experiences that have proved me very wrong and I have been witness to countless experiences other people have had which negate all my positive outlooks on women, men, and relationships in general. So my logical mind says that IN GENERALIZATION, most humans are full of it. But in my heart I still believe that people are good.

As far as chivalry... listen, I pay for all dinners, I open all doors, I walk on the street side of the sidewalk, I NEVER call a person nasty names in an argument, I will never leave a woman behind to be with my "buddies"; I have NEVER taken home a woman when she's drunk to take advantage of her... All in all, I was raised with GREAT values. However listen to this... If I ever open a door for a lady or do any of these other actions, it is by default and courtesy, NOT as part of the hunt or to make myself more desirable. I will do the same for any woman. I hope your boys will be the same. I actually find it awkward when an older couple watches me being courteous to the woman I am with and they say "aw, I guess chivalry isn't dead" because I wasn't even aware of it. And how can I be competing without being aware of it?

But when other men do it for the purpose of showing their worth, it is not like before where a man met a woman was mesmerized by her and decided that she would be his life companion and mother of his children. That was the concept of chivalry long ago. Now the chivalry is basically the HUNT like somebody else said. The hunt and chivalry are two different things. The concept of the hunt is a conquest based on power, while the concept of chivalry is based on inducing admiration and respect. So, the hunt now is basically a man that wants to know that he did what he had to do to have the power to sleep with or somehow temporarily control that woman. So, if women want to consider that a hunt with this outcome is the new definition of chivalry then so be it, but that's sad.
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 387 (view)
 
Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/7/2009 3:10:39 AM
I have read every single page of this thread and my biggest surprise out of this entire thread is how many women have completely badgered and attacked the OP for his comment. I mean seriously...many of them voiced their opinion in simple terms but also made sure to end their post calling him a cheap **stard, or a pig, or an ugly loser that nobody would want anyways, etc... All this just cause he made a very simple non-offensive comment about a personal opinion he had. In return, so far the only "insult" that has been given by any male in this thread is the term "gold-digger" and if you read it in context it was no insult at all.

Seriously...it is societal understanding that in the dating scene the men are generally the A-holes. But this thread shows much different.



Sorry, but from the first date on, I offered to help pay for my share of the expensive meals and events my boyfriend and I enjoyed, and he got FURIOUS! He said that he was the man, and if I couldn't just say thank you, then we ween't going anywhere again!!! I laughed and thanked him. I thank him after each meal for taking care of the check, and he says 'You are more than welcome, it is a pleasure having your company'


The above quote came from a woman (forgot name). The point of this is that in every relationship there has to be balance. And EVERYTHING is a relationship of some sort. Whether going out as friends, daters, or committed partners; the sort of expectation that creates balance is the offer to establish balance. If the offer is turned down by another then so be it that was their choice. But it is the responsibility of both sides to at minimum offer to meet at that middle point of balance.

I have gone out with women where she didn't even say thank you for the meal. The night went on but I was solidly decided that this woman will NEVER become a serious item for me. At the same time, in other situations I have had a woman that will literally argue with me to let her take the whole check. Ironically enough, I also will not want to be with this woman because she comes off as too aggressive and I can't understand her need to show off.

But here is the perfect woman for me... I take her out to dinner... If the dinner is not too expensive she might either say "thank you" or maybe even ask to put in the tip. If the dinner is expensive she will offer to pay half or at least will show interest in how much it was so she can share in the cost. Regardless of the bill...I WILL STILL PAY IT ALL!!! But, I will also allow her to play her part in the date and will tell her that she can buy me a drink later, or pay for the movie tickets or just the popcorn if the dinner wasn't expensive; plus I know that we won't buy any popcorn anyways so she'll get off without paying for anything.

AND BTW... For those women who say that paying for the dinner is part of chivalry, I say BS!!! I mean, do any women still believe that chivalry exists? It does not! That was something that existed in the days where there were very few men and women in a town and when a man found the ONE girl that tickled his fancy it was him who had to prove to her that she should pick him forever. Sorry to tell you but the world has moved on and dating is too much of a game. The original chivalry was for your hand in marriage, today's chivalry is to get in your pants. So yeah, you can be sure of one thing...when your date pays for that big expensive date, well he pretty much considers that an access fee for what will hopefully become a fun party. But please do not become delusional in thinking that a man will go out of his way to show you how good he is on the first date because he has noble intentions. That's not possible. The noble intentions come later and by that time the woman will be offering to share the bill anyways. So how about we all get over the BS games and start with the noble gestures from the beginning. The girl offers, and it helps the guy truly enjoy being able to provide for her.

P.S. Someone else got defensive by generalizations. Note that none of my statements are directed to ALL women. Just some of them and sadly a majority. And definitely all the ones that have on this thread and have attacked and been straight up rude to other people. That's just unnecessary, unrefined, and extremely un-lady-like.
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 9:57:39 PM
But I like dating hookers! LOL

Seriously, I feel a lot of the responses here make some great points. But let me clarify that I never discussed past relationships cause I don't think that topic is relevant until way into the relationship if ever at all. I am noticing thanks to you guys, that I am likely focusing on doing the right things such as being respectful, supportive, caring, etc; but because of focusing on this I might be ignoring the fact that maybe the girl is more interested in other things like spontaneous activities, going out partying, or something as simple as the girl's desire for a chase. I am the common denominator after all. Maybe I'm putting too much into it instead of just letting life go through as it will.

And as far as age, I am 30 and these girls have been 26-29 so not that far off. In response to insecurities about rejection, it doesn't scare me. People break up, life moves on, not a big deal.

I think that one response actually captured the essence of what baffles me... Why would the girl be the one to initiate the "I like you so much" comments and other comments that start establishing the desire for a relationship, but then they just leave. It's like a complete contrast from one thing to the other and it makes no sense whatsoever. But this looks like it's my problem too because I am looking at "what makes sense" based on how "I" would handle a situation. And the truth of the matter is that everybody is unique and what I think is right/wrong is not a universally agreed viewpoint. What made it all the more difficult to swallow though is not that 4 girls left me because that's just life. What surprised me is that they all did it in the same manner. Not one of them had any decency to even give a proper "goodbye David, it was nice meeting you but our time is up". If somebody dumped me like that I would thank them, give them a hug, and wish them luck, sincerely. Break ups are part of life. I just don't understand why they have to be so complicated.

And final...many of you are right that what these girls have done is nothing different than what guys have been doing to girls for years. It's just hard for me to recognize that because I have never in my short life done that to anybody. So for the one member that answered my this post by comparing it to being the same thing I've done to others in the past; I can with a clear conscious say that I never have and never would treat anybody with that level of disrespect. But that doesn't change the fact that although I might not do it, there is a huge bulk of other men that do it to women on a regular basis. And I get caught in the generalization. That's how it goes and life moves on, right?

P.S. That was funny about the title of the thread...I am so sorry I missed that. It was very late.

David C

How about this, have any of you women done the same thing to a man of fairly decent quality and respectful nature? If so, why? This is the internet and nobody's judgment will after your life so honesty is a safe commodity here. What were the real reasons you just left him without even giving a goodbye. (let's stick to why you left the "good guys" not the a-holes)
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 345 (view)
 
Something ALL women on pof should put in their profiles
Posted: 7/2/2009 5:34:12 AM
I am seriously so appalled by this entire thread. By the first page my jaw was dropped in amazement. Why is every single woman being an immediate B***H towards this guy? By the 2nd response women were already being very aggressive and offensive and even started calling him names. By the SECOND post!! What is that? Nobody even bothered asking for a clarification of his intention. We should all know by now that electronic communication is not the clearest medium. And btw...the majority (key word majority, not all) of the women that have been ugly in your responses...you're nasty looking as it is; so a somewhat less aggressive personality would definitely help in your measures of desirability.

Now when I read the original post this is what I interpreted... I personally would appreciate a woman that put it on her profile because I would know that she's not a gold digger and respects the fact that dating can be a very expensive process for a man. This attribute of this woman would make me want to invite her to dinner even more. HOWEVER, I WOULD STILL PAY FOR THE DINNER REGARDLESS!!!!!!!!

I did not interpret that first post as him being cheap and not wanting to pay, I interpreted it as a non-gold-digger quality that is very respectable. No man EVER wants to pay for somebody that EXPECTS him to pay. For Anything! But we are more than willing and even enjoy paying for those women that will sincerely appreciate it. I would absolutely HATE to go out with somebody that doesn't even feel they ought to thank me for buying dinner because that was my responsibility anyways. Talk about a nasty way of thinking. That's horrible. When a man opens the door for you, do you say thank you, or do you just walk with your head held high because it's his responsibility anyways? This entire thread is proof that when a woman tells you "thank you for dinner" they are lying!

And as far as the comment that if he buys her dinner he would expect her to at least answer his phone calls... I didn't interpret that as if he believes they OWE him anything. I interpret that as it being a common courtesy to acknowledge another human being, ANY human being. So even if she was not interested in him during the dinner, unless he actually said or did something disrespectful or distasteful during the course of the dinner, it is merely basic courtesy to answer his call the next day. Even if it were for the simple act of informing him that she did not feel the chemistry. A man will respect a direct and sincere turn-down much more than a lie or even worse straight avoidance.

Every single word that comes out of everyone's mouths can be interpreted in many different ways, all depending on the context your mind chooses to place it in. And I sincerely think it's disgusting that so many people, especially the women here, have decided to interpret his comments in the nastiest possible ways. Well sorry to tell you, but he was doing you a favor with that suggestion. Even though I WOULD STILL PAY FOR DINNER, I would also feel that the woman who states that in her profile has a better head on their shoulders and that I would appreciate their company more than the one that says "you don't have to take me to a fancy dinner, but you do have to pay for my company regardless." That just sounds ugly.

And being that so many of you nasty responders were old nasty hags, it makes me want to forget the idea of marriage altogether. Cause it scares me that girls never grow out of their drama and nasty attitudes, even in their "wise" old age. I honestly don't know why you are on this site looking for a relationship (although now I'm really not surprised at all), and I feel sorry for whatever man falls for your farce of the friendly personality that you will put forth when you first meet him. For those of you who are more level headed and respectable than these aggressive ugly women, I sincerely apologize for the fact that these persons give a bad representation of your generally beautiful and magnificent gender.

David C
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
One day she's day...Next day she's gone...???
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:45:39 AM
Why do girls pull that move of just spontaneously disappearing?! Great sex, truly nice & respectful guy, not at all pushy, no jealousy, no games...then BAM = she decides to close all communications with you without any argument, without any disagreement, and without any observable reason at all. You attempt to contact her no more than 3 times to express to them your continuing interest without being pushy; but she doesn't even have the decency to respond in any way.

I would not do that to anybody! Even the girls I'm not seriously interested in for long-term do I ever completely ignore and dismiss. I can honestly say that there is nobody who could make my phone ring and I would deliberately avoid their phone call.

This has happened to me with at least the last 4 girls which I had expected to develop some sort of relationship with. It didn't even have to be a "let's get married" relationship, just something mutually respectful and appreciative of each other's company. Ironically enough, all four girls were the ones to initiate the "how much I like you" talk. But still, shortly after that, poof...gone!

The next interesting coincidence is that the exact same thing has happened, on a shorter scale, with multiple girls that I have been talking to and looking forward to getting to know them. Great talking for a week or more and then poof...they stop returning all calls. It would be easier to understand if say the conversations were boring, or disrespectful, or expressed significantly different viewpoints, etc. But nope, one day you hang up laughing and from then on your calls and texts go completely unanswered.

I have learned to bulk it up as proof that girls really don't want a nice guy, or even an intelligent guy at that. They would rather go with the guy that presents that "I'm the leader of the pack"**** attitude and is obviously not really worth a darn in anything resembling a healthy long-term relationship. Or maybe it's just proof that it's impossible to find someone in South Florida. I really don't know what's up. And unfortunately, I'm not even capable of being one of those guys that just take advantage of every girl. I've tried and my conscious was too weak for it. I was raised differently.

Anybody have any input on this???
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 48 (view)
 
How long have you been single??? Whats the longest?
Posted: 7/2/2009 4:22:17 AM
My last official girlfriend was like 2003, and my last long-term loose dating relationship was early 2005. So I've been single for 4.5 years. And trust me, it's not by choice. I actually prefer having a steady girlfriend. I've has enough sexual relationships in between with girls which I was not interested in for long term (and no I never led them on). But the ones that I have been sincerely interest in seemed to drop me for no reason. Seriously...for NO reason! Just one day we were establishing a great relationship and the next day...can't get in contact with them.
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Is it cold feet?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:51:54 AM
In a relationship where neither side can make up their mind what they really want at the moment the end has already been pre-written. So, you can either go along with the drama by asking "us" what's going on and what to do; or you can just make up your own mind and communicate it clearly. If he doesn't like what you have to say then that's a different story. He can either leave or accommodate to your choices. But somebody has to make a decision. So much for the concept of "communication is key".

You don't have to tell him "I don't want you to move in". You can just tell him that you're not comfortable with that move just yet but you want to keep the relationship going. It's that simple. He will either say ok in which case this thread is useless. Or he will become very offended by it in which case he is either too insecure, trying to control you, or can't pay his own rent and will end up taking advantage of you. None of these are what you want to live with. So...in the end, the talk will either give you both a positive result, or it will give YOU a positive result by ending a relationship that would've been undesirable anyways.
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What's his story...truly?
Posted: 7/2/2009 3:38:21 AM

Thank you for helping me to get my head back on track. Time to close the chapter


Good choice! In my opinion, you should feel secure in your relationship. When you start questioning it, then it's time to move on.
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
what did he mean by that?
Posted: 7/2/2009 2:28:19 AM
Why are girls always trying to figure out the someone's exact meanings and intentions in every single little thing they say?? Can they not understand that it is literally IMPOSSIBLE to answer this question. The one and only possible answer is that in every step of the way they are thinking "let me do this and let's see what happens". If he wants a relationship he gave you his number thinking "let's give her my number to see if we develop a relationship". If he wants to get laid he gave you his number thinking "let's give her my number to see if I get laid".

Point being, MEN don't think of or care about what happens that far into the future. So why don't you, as a WOMAN, approach the situation in the same way. If you are interested in anything at all, then call him for the sole purpose of seeing what happens. You two will either want the same thing and click or you won't and then you move on. If you are looking for just a fun time then let the dice roll. If you are looking for something serious then, by God, make it as obvious as possible from the start and don't waste anybody's time trying to "figure him out".

P.S. And what is this about not wanting to get rejected. If you're so scared of that then I recommend you just don't even speak to any man until you resolve some of your insecurity issues. Shady guys are excellent at picking up on girl's insecurities and exploiting them, either at the beginning or later on. So do yourself a favor and become more confident and self-assured. This is a suggestion that will definitely alter your future for the better in every aspect.

David C
 nootherids1
Joined: 6/22/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
*Guys ONLY Poll: Long Hair or Short Hair*
Posted: 7/2/2009 1:34:09 AM
I beg to disagree with the "Long Hair RULES" comments. You give me someone with extremely long hair (down to their lower back) and I do not want that to get all caught up in my face. I will avoid those girls; plus the hair is heavy and usually looks dead flat. Odds are that girl will NEVER cut her hair. But you get a girl with super short hair and if she can style it right and it fits her facial structure it can be extremely sexy. And the good thing is that if you get bored of it, no problem, 3 months later and it's chin length again. Girls grow hair very fast in general.

My sister just cut her hair super short and she has natural curls. On a normal day it looks just nice. But if she styles it and uses the right make up she looks REALLY attractive (feels awkward saying "hot" or "sexy") in a classy way. But then again my sister is beautiful either way ;)

Speaking of classy...it is a lot more likely for those "I just wanna get laid" guys to target long haired girls than short haired. Short hair usually looks classy sexy while long hair can more easily look slutty sexy.

We have to remember that these are all generalized opinions. I personally don't go for one over the other, but I definitely consider really nice hair of any length a immediate turn on.

P.S. Heavier girls should definitely stay away from short hair and gear more towards mid/long-length hair (past the shoulders) with some volume/layers/color/styling in general.

David C
 
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