marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces? chat & forums.

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Thread: marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces?

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 45 (view)

marriage on the way out?? if not why are there so many divorces? Posted: 11/23/2009 2:15:43 PM
I think the electronic age is affecting a lot of relationships. Too much tv, too much internet, too many games, too many txt msgs, too much time on the phone. I grew up in a simpler time. I remember back in 76 in south africe, we had no tv, no phones to speak of party line with the hand crank. AND no im not joking. I remember that we used to play our hearts out after school. We would sit down as a family and wuietly have dinner, maybe with the record player going in the background. We would talk about our days, then us kids would hurrry to do dishes so we could go out and play while mom and dad relaxed in the living room, and and actually spent quality time toghether. Once it was dark we would settle in for the night. Can anyonee tell me the lalst time they turned off the phones, tv's, and just spent a quiet weekend at home relaxing. Its very rare these days. I think if people spent less time during the email their spouses, less time and the phone and more time in the evening talking to each other they would get along better. How many of you txt, email and talk during the day, then have nothing to talk about when you get home. I think if we all want to haave mroe quality relationships, wheter its friends or loveers that we need to simplify things down, sit by a fire and relax with each other.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 75 (view)

Would you cheat on SO for alot of money? Posted: 11/23/2009 1:18:50 PM
Oh for a lot of money hell yeah. D and i would discuss it, take care of business and then go on a nice trip and enjoy ourselves. Whithout looking back once. But it would have to be a substantial chunk of change. Oops. What I meant to say was: Note: Any money exchanged in legal adult services is for time and companionship only. Anything else that may or may not occur is a matter of personal choice and personal preferences between two or more consenting adults of legal age and is not contracted for, nor is it requested to be contracted for in any manner. This is not an offer for prostitution. Fees charged are for time spent only.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 59 (view)

Her Orgasm Posted: 11/23/2009 12:22:33 PM
Coco_Cure it would be hard for someone to send you an email, you have a considerable amount of restrictions. My point on this its both persons responsibilities to communicate, not necessarily through words, or moving them to the point you like. You can communicate in much more subtle ways. As one old friend of mine once told me anyone can be a ****er, takes a special person to be a lover. That goes for both men and women.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 26 (view)

cheating, how prevalent is it? Posted: 11/15/2009 8:56:39 PM
Everyone cheats by definition. If you think about it you are guilty. Some people take it to the next level and engage in the physical aspect. But pretty much sure that everyone has thought about it at one point in their life. Hence eveyone is guilty.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 60 (view)

Prove Me Wrong, PLEASE Posted: 11/15/2009 8:54:38 PM
OP, you can over anzlyze anything if you want to. It sounds like you have some previous issues. These would be better discussed with a professional, not in public. Having been through a few serious relationships, some for love some for sex, it all depends. But from your posts sounds like you have some issues that you need to discuss with a professional

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 54 (view)

Orgasm Help Posted: 11/15/2009 8:50:00 PM
outdoorgirl ditto that.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 32 (view)

Wife finds porn on computer and.... Posted: 9/23/2009 9:24:58 AM
Honestly I have been through this. Her feeligns got hurt that is all. Sit down with her and discuss the subject. By hiding it you are eventually going to make it worse. Simply because someday, no matter how hard you try to hide it.... She WILL find it. Then she will be pissed because you lied about it and hid it from her. I have a friend that just went through this. his wife had cancer and their sex life went down the drain. Now she is better, she went on his computer and found it and all hell broke loose. She told me the same thing she was hurt that he couldnt be honest with her. honesty and communication are the best answers.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 19 (view)

open relationship, women do not seem to like a happy and permiscuous married man. any help? Posted: 8/31/2009 10:45:17 AM
originalusernamehere you dont want to go to this place on this site. You will get flamed all to hell and back. Unfortunately thats the way it is in this lifestyle.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 13 (view)

22, Never had a girlfriend Posted: 8/28/2009 6:48:58 AM
You guys are young, accept it and appreciate it. I was the same way when I was younger. When it came to women I was always told you are cute BUT. Seriously focus on your carrers, your life, your family. Life is short enjoy what you can while you can. In life you dont find love and relationships , like you do aa missing wallet. The cosmos or whatever seems to land them in your lap, when you are ready for it. So again my advice is focus on you, your education, and your careers, and when the time is right love, and relationships will find you. And even though when I was growing up I found this the most insane piece of advice anyone ever gave me BUT its true. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 17 (view)

Googling Before a Date ? Posted: 8/25/2009 11:32:43 AM
Absolutely why not. To go one step farther, i would run a background check as well before comitting to anything serious. If you own a company you do background checks on employees, why for gods sake wouldnt you do one on a person you are potentially planning on spending the rest of yor life with.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 2 (view)

Frozen during first phone conversation Posted: 8/24/2009 1:52:49 PM
There is a really good book out there called "The Fine Art Of Small Talk". Its mostly used by busniess people in sales, to strike up conversations with clients to make them mroe comfortable. I would strongly recommmend this book to anyone that hass difficulty striking up conversations.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 24 (view)

Fustrated with online dating Posted: 8/14/2009 6:09:37 AM
I went to one of my favorite pubs for dinner last night and struck up a conversation with a stranger. He had an interesting point on internet dating and the internet in general. It was a 2 hr conversation so ill try to summarize as best I can. He made a comment that the internet breeds paranoia, I was like WTF? However after he explained it kind of made sense. Everything is so quick and instant that we don’t savor the moment. Quick example dating 30 yrs ago you didn’t have cell phones, so if you wanted to call your SO, you usually had to wait till they got home at night, as its usually a bad thing to be calling from work. So you had the entire day to think about what you were going to say to that person. If you discussed a topic, you had the whole next day to think about it. This gave our brains time for things to settle in, and baste. Flip to the present you im someone or email them, its instant, we react to what is said and subsequently may misunderstand or misjudge. If we rather read, through it thought about it, and acted rather than react, people would misunderstand less. However if we did this the person on the other end of the IM would assume we are busy, not interested, etc. So the instantaneous communications breed fear and distrust. This brought up another point; we are loosing social skills by internet activity. Meaning if you are emailing or IM'ing, you have no idea how that person is feeling, however if the person was standing in front of you could see that maybe they are upset, agitated or other. Even a phone call is more personal, than an email or IM or txt mesg. I think it also breeds the rudeness people see on these sites. Quick example as many women have said on here, a guy will contact her and start making vulgar comments, asking for nude pics, etc. There is no recourse for this other than to block them, no real impact on the guy’s social skills, he moves on to the next target. In real life if a guy walked up to a woman and said nice tits, wanna shuck your clothes so I can get a better look. He would get slapped in the face, and would think twice about ever doing it again. Social skills learned. I think internet dating sites are great for introductions, but you cannot beat a physical one on one face to face meeting. I think people expect to fall in love over the internet and that just isn’t going to happen. It’s a great introduction service, and that is where it should end. Nothing beats long walks and talking to get to know someone. After all you are looking to date, and be with someone, so why spend endless hours on emails and IM, when you can meet in person and spend time with them and really get to know them.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 38 (view)

Why do guys in their 20's seem to want it super fast? Posted: 8/14/2009 5:40:16 AM
I agree with a lot of the posters about experience. Also i think its a sign of the times. The world is a much more hectic and chaotic place today. We dont necessarily have the time to lay around and experiment like in the old days. Everything is high paced and instantaneous these days. Very few people these days, turn off their cell phones, tv's and make a night out of it. I am dating myself here, but in a time before cell phones I remember turning the ringer off on the old wall mounted Ma Bell phone just so we wouldnt get interrupted. So adding to the inexperience, maybe its also damn gotta get this done, i might be missing out on something else in life.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 13 (view)

Decoding the Female Language Posted: 8/14/2009 5:20:12 AM
Also one thing that pople are forgetting about, is the cultrural, and religious aspects of a persons personality. Living in SoFL, we see many people from many walks of life. The body language of men and women from different cultures can be considerably different.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 18 (view)

bi-curious Posted: 6/25/2009 9:30:32 AM
Take the advice of sidewinder, talk to your girlfirends in a 3rd party manner. Find out if any of them are interested too. You will be amazed how many are.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 67 (view)

The definition of dating Posted: 6/22/2009 2:36:32 PM
Saw this today and it cracked me up. I had to post it, as this question comes up a lot on here. 1 night of sex = hookup Reruns of sex=** buddy Dinner/coffee/movie/great conversation="Friends" "friends" + "** buddy" and interest in exploring more but not exclusive="DATING" "Dating" + a mutual agreement on exclusivity = BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 10 (view)

Life Without Rules, Laws, Red Flags, Labels et al Posted: 6/22/2009 11:42:49 AM
I think that the older we get the more we learn about people and so called flags. I am still open to talking, im'ing and chatting with anyone, but as as the BS radar gets tripped, i start looking for flags. I have met many amazing people on here, and have more friends than I would like, (as they all time time an effort). There are also quite a lot of people that have been kicked to the kurb (per say), due to the fact they overly complicate their lives with lies, and drama. People that increase their activities in life with gossipping, and second guessing another are way too complicated for me. I would rather someone be upfront and honest. Back to the original question, i dont think its rules, red flags etc. Merely that we get smarter at protecting ourselves as we make our way through life and avoid some of the past pains by letting people that dont have our best interests in mind go.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 12 (view)

the best part of your life is ahead of you, dont you think? Posted: 6/19/2009 9:59:41 AM
Today is the best part of my life, what I make of today will determine my memories tomorrow. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away! So with that being said im going in search of a e moment to take my breath away. Have a great weekend all you'all.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 47 (view)

OPEN Relationships. Posted: 5/20/2009 1:19:40 PM
We have had an open relationship for 6 yrs now. No issues here. Its not for everyone though, I will agree with that. Most people cant even wrap their heads around it. They are also the ones that dump their opinions on you and will not even listen to your side.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 15 (view)

Can It Be Love At First Site. Posted: 5/20/2009 11:42:08 AM
Well yes and no. I fell in love with my wife at first sight. However, we didnt actually start dating for 18 mos afer i met her. We have been together for 18 yrs and things are still ass fresh as the day we started. So yes there is love at first sight, but there is also lust as first sight, you have to be able to discern the 2 of them. Good luck.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 31 (view)

OPEN RELATIONSHIPS Posted: 5/20/2009 11:34:56 AM
There are a lot of interenet resources that you can tap into. If you need some pointer drop me a line ill send you some links. There are actually some places right in your town.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 12 (view)

IS HONESTY A BAD THING? Posted: 5/8/2009 10:24:40 AM
Unfortunately there really isnt enough detail here, but ill drop my 2cents worth. There are some possibilities, you said he was a single dad, ive been there on both sides, maybe she isnt paying child suport if he has the kids or maybe he is paying child support, and he is strapped and between paychecks. In this day and age with the economy, its easy to understand. Did you ask him why he didnt tip? I used to be similar when i was younger, until i dated someone in the hospitality business, i didnt realize the low pay that they get. Now I am a good tipper. I didnt tip when i was younger not because i was cheap, just didnt understand the situation. Maybe a few more conversations aout the subject will shed some light on it.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 24 (view)

How to forget Posted: 3/19/2009 2:34:03 PM
Listen to the song by John Michael Montgomery called Great Memory. Listen to it until you really understand the lyrics. It may help.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 296 (view)

Open relationships... with feeling?? Posted: 3/13/2009 7:01:57 AM
JGirlinSD I understand completely, but after all isnt that what dating (courting) is all about. Getting to know a person and deciding whether or not that person is compatible with you and your life. I know this is seriously over simplified, but lifestyle or really no different than say piercings and tatoos, some people thing its desicrating the body others think its a worship to the body. Wheter you are poly, open relationship, swingers they are all different lifestyles each one with its own set of issues. Bottom line its really up to the people involved to set the rules and boundaries. As to you comment about him not caring that you met with other men that is not really how it is. I am sure he is very concerned, but then if you were in a poly relationship he would be concerned about your happiness too. Its difficult to debate this on forums without breaking the site rules, so ill stop here before I get in trouble.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 62 (view)

Saying things you don't mean Posted: 3/11/2009 1:14:03 PM
Most people react to their environment, which is uaully why hateful things are said. A good policy is to listen evaluate, and then act, rather than react. If you are in a situation where something hurts your feelings, first you need to try to figure out why the person said that. Maybe they had a bad day, maybe they were misinformed. This is how fights start. If you can learn to listen, think, evalute and then act you can avoid 90% of all fights. Someone once told me that most negative feelings come from fear, and as he decribed fear to me it went like this "False Emmotions Appearing Real". Which basically means your mind is playing tricks on you. I know its a stupid analgy, but a long time ago i was afraid of heights, till i took a bad fall. Now I am afraid of heights. I try to combat it each time it comes up, but still its there. Do I overcome it YES, does it still bother me sure.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 293 (view)

Open relationships... with feeling?? Posted: 3/11/2009 1:06:45 PM
JGirlinSD it is more of a balance than that, as its been said before here its all about communication. If one person decides they want more of somethign it is discussed. Honesty beats out jealousy every time.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 14 (view)

Am I overreacting? Posted: 3/11/2009 9:51:04 AM
I would be concerned a little too. But most people have no idea of how much information there is out on the internet. In fact if you go to googgle and google your username for this site you will see most of the post you have ever written. Anytime i meet someone that i feel will end up being a firend or co worker I usually google them just to find out a little more about them. Be careful what you post, what pics, and what information you put out there on the internet.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

Back injury Posted: 3/9/2009 7:28:54 AM
My wife did a similar things. The only advice i can give is find a good pyhsical therapist, and masseuse. It took her 3 months to fully recoup. Be carefull on the relaxers and any pain meds, you may feel better, but the tissue damage is still there.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 19 (view)

dating for 3rd shifters Posted: 1/30/2009 8:56:24 AM
I worked 3rd shift for many years, it was great for the work factor could get a lot done with no one in the office. However, it definately puts a damper in your social life. Especially if you work mon-fri. that means your days off are really sun and mon. Good luck with things, dont give up. I actually started dating a bartender, because she got off work around 5am by the time they were done cleaning up. We have been happily married for 15 yrs now.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 22 (view)

lmao I'm in the wrong? Posted: 1/27/2009 7:24:07 AM
Ill have to agree with Tee here. Once you have gone exclusive, then all bets are off. I think she is smart for doing a little research. Yup he got busted, and deserves it. Once you are exclusive, then all should be open to the other partner. D has login and passwords to all my accounts and can check them whenever she wants. The only ones that would get upset about this are the cheaters and liars, cause they are the next ones to get busted. My hats off to you hopefully he will man up, set things straight, delete his accounts on the other sites. Then move forward to building a real relationship and be accountable to the person he has made an exclusive agreement with.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 12 (view)

The friend role???? Posted: 1/19/2009 11:49:05 AM
either search on here or google the ladder theory and dating. It will open your eyes up to the friend roles.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 17 (view)

What do YOU say when you hear I Love You but you don't feel the same? Posted: 1/2/2009 7:16:33 PM
A simple "thank you" is the best, they know you heard it and understood it. By not saying anything else it leaves them in a position where they dont feel uncomfortable, and at the same time clearly lets them know you arent on the same level yet.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 95 (view)

How can a man cum more? Posted: 12/28/2008 1:36:59 PM
try a site called moneyshotpills dot com

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 50 (view)

Roomate Left Today Posted: 12/24/2008 9:01:51 AM
^^^^^ I third that, put up the decorations, invite a few friends over. Have a xmas dinner with them. People do pass through our lives for a reason, right now you probably dont see it but a few years from now you will look bad with fond memories. Life has a wierd way of giving you what you need, not necessarily what you want.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 159 (view)

Catch him and keep him Posted: 12/1/2008 3:35:33 PM
haha Lil you crack me up good one. Actually self help books are like any other book that you learn from. There are techniques in there to be applied. Its up to you to apply what you learned to the appropriate situation. Its like the equasion joe has 4 apples tom has 2 how many do they have together. Well we know we dont use division... HOW cause we learned it. There are lots of relationship articles and books out there that have great advice, however they may not work in ones particular situation. Vision sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 107 (view)

googled Posted: 11/21/2008 11:30:29 AM
I recommend to all my female friends to google. There are a lot of cheaters, liars and crooks. Safety first, you wouldnt have sex wiwthout a condom, why meet someone without knowing who they are.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 33 (view)

How do you bring the passion back. Posted: 11/17/2008 1:04:09 PM
The sad part is as we get older things change we have responisbilities, which unfortunately get in our way. Remember when you were younger, you would steal any moment you had to make love. As we get older we forget to do that. its time to start stealing some time back. My advice would be to go to a marriage encounter, then renew your vows in front of family and friends it will bring back the joy of the first day. Then go take a honeymoon, and learn to enjoy each other as the new people you have become. Sex may not ever be as frequent or as frantic as it used to be, but things change for a reason, maybe there is deeper things out there than the frantic heated sex we had when we were younger.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 75 (view)

Stupid, stupid, stupid Posted: 10/7/2008 10:15:30 AM
m_church said it best.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 2 (view)

The only way I can orgasm.. Posted: 8/12/2008 9:55:28 AM
It could be a trust issue too. I have a friend that cant allow it to happen unless she fully trusts the guy. All i can say is relax, have fun and keep trying. Practise makes perfect.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 20 (view)

She can talk to the husband but I can't talk to the wife. Why? Posted: 8/6/2008 6:54:52 AM
Maybe you guys need a weekend away to re-difine the ground rules. If this couple is a problem for you move on there are plenty more out there. I couple i s not worth sacrifcing your relationship. Women are much more sensitive to feeling than men. If you gf got a wierd vibe from her then you should accept this, but at the same time I still think dump this couple and move on. Also discuss with his wife, maybe she doesnt realise that he is emailing her. It could be that their relationship is on the rocks, and the hubby is fulling your gf's head with crap about his wife.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 11 (view)

I'm feeling like a selfish bi*ch Posted: 7/24/2008 10:18:12 AM
I have to agreee with windchick, my parents went through somethign similar. Licky they worked it out thanks to alot of help from the family. Although for the 6 mos they were going through it it was hell on all of us kids. Be there for him be a friend, and just in case some of the others are right just keep an eye open for the tell tale signs of anothe woman.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 1 (view)

Integrating Spirituality & Sexuality Posted: 7/24/2008 9:43:45 AM
Mornign all, I read an amazing article last night and thought I would share, I know the admins dont like external links but the article is too long to post in here. So here goes and I hope this doesnt get deleted. http://www.ofspirit.com/lindamarks23.htm I would love to hear feedback and thoughts on this.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 20 (view)

is this true Posted: 7/21/2008 10:37:47 AM
There are a lot of factors, timing, stress, nervousness, pressure, alcohol, smoking. The list goes on. Depends on the guy, if i have worked an 14hr day, i can pretty much guarantee you that its not going to happen. We can have sex enjoy the heck out of it, be totally into our woman, but just dont quite have the energy to finish.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 76 (view)

She does not stick her butt out during doggy style.... Posted: 7/21/2008 10:31:08 AM
Try spooning, doggie style on your side until she gets comrotable with it.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 52 (view)

would guys date a female cop? Posted: 7/17/2008 1:17:31 PM
Absolutely. One of my best friends is a cop, and she is the most amazing person in the world.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 9 (view)

bragging about other women--why? Posted: 7/17/2008 12:08:20 PM
They are trying to play the reverse logic game. The funny thing is they dont realize women are better at it than we are :-)

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 94 (view)

Why a photo of you in your apartment?! Posted: 7/17/2008 12:00:46 PM
I feel I am speakinng fo most guys when I say that we dont go ound taking pics of ourselves. Usually it when we are at a family or social gathering someone snaps a pic and sends us a copy, we photoshop it and post it on a profile. If you look at the 4th pic in my profile its photoshopped and yeah i do have my arm on someones shoulder and its my best friend. Out of coutesy I cropped him out before I posted it. One thing I thought of instead of people complaining about it, maybe on one of the next meet and greeets, we could get a photographer to show up and take pics of us for us :-) kill 2 birds with one stone.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 7 (view)

bragging about other women--why? Posted: 7/17/2008 11:51:32 AM
I agree with others here he is trying to pull the jealousy card. The problem you ae going to face is that the moe you tryr and push him away the moe he will pursue you.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 70 (view)

Bipolar Posted: 7/16/2008 2:09:11 PM
IAN, I kinda agree with you here, if you can manage the lows the highs are very powerfull.

codedout

Joined: 7/25/2004

Msg: 3 (view)

Spicing it up! Posted: 7/15/2008 3:33:49 PM
sitting on the floor facing each other, side by side (spooning), straddle her leg. The possibilites are endless. There is a good book out there that the 2 of you could read together. Complete Manual Sexual Positions by jessica stewart As far as exciting nothing is better than coming home one night that you have planned to have sex with a boquet of flowers, and some classy linerie (not slutty).

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