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MFM threesomes and sharing your wife?
Posted: 7/12/2009 8:59:47 AM | From the husbands perspective.
First of all. This is how I feel and how my own experiences made me react and such. I can't speak for EVERY man out there but maybe if someone is reading this and doesn't see how a husband / boyfriend could consider this... hopefully this can help.
My wife and I have had a MFM experience... two as a matter of fact.
We are not 'swingers' or anything such as that. We have only been involving others in our bedroom activities for a few months.
We have been married for over 4 years. We dated for almost 2 years prior to being married.
The absolutely first thing you have to realize is this. I don't love my wife any less today than I did 4 years ago. In fact I love her more!
I know that no matter what happens in my life or in hers (sexual or not) we can sit down, talk to each other about it and know that the other will not judge them.
There is a HUGE difference between just talking to someone and COMMUNICATING!
Now, we have our good and bad days like any couple.
Due to that, we never 'share' if one of us has any negative emotions towards the other.
However, we don't go days, weeks or even months with anger in our hearts like other couples. We sit and talk about our issues... We could have planned weeks before for her steady 'boy toy' to come over, but if either of us are still feeling a little hurt by our last argument, then we cancel it. PERIOD! And we both know that sharing those feelings will have no negative repercussions. That is called trust, respect and open communication.
Onto how I felt with everything.
It was NOT her Idea. It was mine. I had some fantasies that were rare but very intense and the emotions they brought up were purely sexual. I had imagined watching her being used sexually by more than just me. Sometimes it was another woman, others it was another man. One night we were talking about our sexual pasts and experiences and the subject came up. I told her about my fantasies and her immediate reaction was 'no!'. But unlike most couples we didn't just drop the subject, we talked about it. Why she felt that way and why I felt that way. We laid everything out on the table and didn't hold back our thoughts. After that night I left it at that and didn't bring it up again. A few days later she brought up the subject again and we began talking about what type of person we would like to be with. Then the subject lay dormant for another few days... Then we talked about it some more. It was about a month or more that we just talked about the idea. No planning or anything. Just talk!
I brought the subject up with a friend of mine (a guy I had known for a few months and we go have a beer together every now and then.). He told me about when he was married that he and his wife had done the MFM thing a few times and he talked about his experiences.
Our friendship grew and one night he wanted to meet for drinks but I couldn't so I told him "How about tomorrow night you come over for dinner. The wife will cook and we can just chill at my house." He agreed and a few days later he came over for dinner. It was a nice night just being friends and he even met my two kids and was a really nice guy and respectable person in my house.
The next day I started talking to my wife about what she thought about him... it was the typical "he was nice, blah blah"... Then I told her that I was thinking about him being 'the one'.
She said she does have to think about it and we spent the next two weeks talking about it off and on. And even when he came over again for dinner there were 'looks' between my wife and I with these little winks and non-verbal communication to tell each other "yeah, this might work" or "no... Not gonna happen".
She was comfortable with the idea after we had long talks and we began to prepare ourselves for the things to happen.
We sat down and literally typed out a set of rules.
They are simple in some ways but others they have deep meanings.
Examples:
Condoms: He must wear one. PERIOD!
Only weekends with kids staying at relatives. No week-nights or times with kids home. (duh)
No toy play. (We have our own sexual toys we play with... those are for us.)
He does NOT sleep on her bed.
NOTHING happens without the other in the room.
When he leaves the bedroom, we make love.
We also laid our key ‘words’ that we never use normally that relay our feelings. We have one for 'it's all ok' and another for 'I’m feeling a bit uncomfortable' and lastly the 'stop everything now' word.
etc. etc. etc.
We talked about how I envisioned the night happening and she discussed her own views.
This level of discussion and revealing deep emotions is what makes the difference between something possibly happening that I or she may not be comfortable with vs. one of us having a knee-jerk reaction to something in a negative way.
Our first experience wasn't as smooth as we thought it would be.
As the night wore on after dinner she wore a 2 piece lingerie and a robe.
When it came to getting her out of it, both my friend and I were acting naturally and being very slow and seductive. That made me feel a bit weird. I asked them both "can we hang on for just one second? I gotta go to the bathroom."
We already had set that if the other goes into the bathroom and turns the faucet on, that the other should follow.
So she came in and I explained myself. We stripped her naked and returned.... Everything from there on was MUCH better.
One thing we discovered is that the way things start makes a huge impact on the way things are perceived by me.
The second time he came over for fun, after dinner she went to clean up and returned wearing nothing but a robe.
After sitting and talking (the 3 of us) I grabbed her legs and told him to help me carry our toy to the bedroom... That night went SO MUCH better than the first.
The key thing from a husband’s perspective is this.
When I'm sharing her... She's not my 'wife' she's my toy. She's a sexual object.
Keeping everyone's mentality in that realm is what keeps everything where it should be.
After we're done using and abusing her. Our friend goes and crashes in our guest room. My wife and I then make love. We don't 'screw' or do anything really like that. We have deep passionate and emotional time together.
Now...
There have been a few moments after where I have some jealousy feelings. But we talk through them.
She has had times when she needs to talk to me because she feels that I may be doing this just for her and not for 'us'. So we talk through those times too.
If we didn't talk and communicate with each other so deeply and honestly there is no way we could do anything like this.
Personally, I feel that husbands who totally cannot envision this type of activity are somewhat insecure, overly possessive and mostly they don't fully trust their mate.
What is sad is that more often than not, feelings of distrust and insecurity are considered normal and acceptable in today’s marriages.
This type of thing isn't for everyone. Even if they are in a very open and honest marriage or relationship.
We don't look down on those who don't share. We respect their decisions.
All we ask for is the same in return. | | | |
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