Conflicting Messages chat & forums.

online dating service

REGISTER | MAIL/PROFILE | HELP | NOW ONLINE | SEARCH | RATING | FORUMS | SUCCESS STORIES

Posted In Forum:

Home

login

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: Conflicting Messages

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 46 (view)

Conflicting Messages Posted: 11/6/2007 12:27:11 PM
Hi Ladyinwaiting All those Red Flags did pop up and this idiot here kept ignoring them. I'm so new at all this . I'm now a widow after 22 years of marriage and things have certainly changed for sure. I guess between being so darn lonely and knowing that at least one person was paying some attention is what kept it going. However; after reading the comments here I know for sure I'd rather be lonely than put up with anymore of his BS...for lack of better words. He is now History, a lesson that won't soon be forgotten but he did set a good example of what "Not To Tolerate" under any circumstances. Thanks so much, all of you, for opening my eyes to this fool....or opening this fools eyes I should say. I hope each and every one of you have an awesome day....you're all truly remarkable. Susan

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

Conflicting Messages Posted: 11/6/2007 12:20:11 PM
Hi Beachchick I now realize exactly what was happening here and you're right.....I'm being his dummy. No more and certainly no less.....Or was his dummy. Past tense. Time to move on for sure. The sad part is the waste of time on someone not worth it. I wish I'd posted my question months ago...hindsight is amazing isn't it? Thanks for the imput, it's so much appreciated. Susan

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Conflicting Messages Posted: 11/6/2007 12:17:10 PM
Thank you for your imput, it is so much appreciated. You're right....I have no idea of why I put up with it but do know I won't be any longer. Each and every man who's responded to this question has given the same answer.....and it appears the only person who was wrong about this man was me. A lesson well learnt! Again - thank you Susan

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

Conflicting Messages Posted: 11/6/2007 12:14:28 PM
Hi Rune3 I think I still continued to see him with that eternal hope of him, finally smartening up. I agree with what you said about I shouldn't even be in the picture, totally. Another reason I stayed with it I guess is the lonliness I experience daily. I have no family and am alone all the time. It doesn't help. That plus the fact that overall I'm a shy person makes for meeting others difficult. My profile tells you that A.) I'm not interested in becoming someone's toy or playmate. B.) If one is married or involved with others then they need to move on...I'm not interested. It very clearly states I want a serious relationship based upon honesty, respect and integrity. I changed my "Dating" to "Hang Out" because nobody appears to want to date anymore. In saying "Hang Out" maybe there's a glimmer of a chance in meeting someone who hopefully will want to date me. Why I'm on all those favourites lists is beyond me. I have no idea of who these people are, and have never corresponded with most of them. This is the FIRST post I've ever put out, and all I wanted was someone to help me try and figure out if this guy is messing with me or if at some point in time he would smarten up. As for me being the intimate encounter type, you couldn't be further from the truth. If anything, I'm the exact opposite. There is nothing on my profile that would give off that message if you've read it properly. Anyone looking at my profile and paying proper attention to it would know what I want / need. I live a quiet life, I don't go out much. I don't pick up men or meet them here looking for sex or a sexual encounter. I want a real relationship, a decent one. Thank you for your imput, it is much appreciate as are all that I've received. It certainly sheds a much clearer light on the situation I've asked about. Now, I need to "wash that man right out of my hair"....now! Susan

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Conflicting Messages Posted: 11/4/2007 10:25:09 PM
I met someone on this site 9 months ago. Our personalities were and still are extremely compatible. We always seem to have a lot of fun together. We were seeing each other for over a month before intimacy entered into the picture. That intimacy reaches a level of passion neither of us has ever experienced before, it's incredible. Shortly after the intimacy begins, this gentleman informsed me that he's still married, but has been seperated for over a year. Needless to say it was a shock at first, but the relationship was so good, and looked full of promise that I believed there was a future for us. Over time he started telling me how much he cared for me. I found it questionable mostly because we never went anywhere except hang out here at my home. I never was introduced to anyone in his life and he seemed to go through great pains to ensure I didn't. Nor did he want to meet any of my friends. After seeing me for 5 months he tells me he's renewing his relationship with his wife.....something I still have trouble believing. All indicators tell me it's not true. And he still comes to see me, only not with the same frequency as before. I informed him that I was on POF, that if he didn't want me surely someone out there somewhere would. He sometimes isn't very upfront with me, and it's obvious. We've stopped the intimacy but the attraction to each other and the sexual tension is unreal. Recently I know for certain that I saw his profile on POF again. When I asked him if he was on this site again he told me that he wasn't. I sent a letter to his profile and he read it. However, he didn't look at my profile. Anyone getting a letter from someone always looks at the senders profile. Human nature would pretty much guarantee it. He left here, went home and read the mail but did not respond or look at my profile. It speaks for itself, I think. I'm getting all these mixed messages from him. He used to help me with chores around the house but has stopped. He used to do a lot of things that are now non-existant. But he still comes by to visit me. He's even mentioned the emotions we feel for each other several times. Is he confused? Or just lying to keep himself free , but thinking, for some reason, that he still has me? I'm getting highly confused with this. Help!!

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 157 (view)

Losing a loved one to death Posted: 3/24/2007 9:57:09 AM
Beautiful-Red-Curls...what a lovely user name! And I'll bet someone told you that indeed you do have those beautiful curls. I wish I could give you that magic reply you so desperately need, or say the healing words we all wish were there. Unfortunately I can't. People have a tendency to say the most ignorant things. I'm not sure if it's through not realizing the devistation you're feeling or just plain ignorance. I'm not going to tell you I know how you feel, because I don't. I'm not going to tell you time heals, because maybe it won't. I'm not going to tell you it's time to move on and start living again, if or when you feel that way, you'll do it on your own. I'm not going to tell you that one day you'll wake up and you life will feel normal again because in all likely hood it won't happen. I can tell you that 5 months ago I lost my husband of 22 years to an unexpected death. Three weeks after he passed away I lost my 3 year old grandson through a massive heart attack in his sleep. To top things off, 6 days later I lost my daughter (the mother of my grandson) to a car accident. In one month I managed to loose my whole family, and I still feel the devastation, the amputation and the endless void I reside in. The tears haven't lessened nor has the heartbreak. The only thing that has eased up would have to be the nightmares - I used to experience them nightly. Now I'm down to once a week on average. I still walk around my house talking to my husband. I still expect him to cme in the door looking for his dinner. I still wait for him to call and say he's running late. I can still see my grandson running through the house, wrecking havoc in his path and laughing as he goes. He had this beautiful slow smile that turned into huge belly laughs, such a delightful child! All this stays with me still. Things like this are not going to go away over night. I don't think they ever do. I think, over time, we learn to cope with the loss(s), and try to live as normal a life as possible. The only thing I can tell you is to take your space, grieve your loss, cry buckets of tears, stay in bed for days on end without getting dressed or wanting to see anyone, look at a picture and keep on loving the one you miss so badly. One good rule of thumb, for whatever it's worth is to make sure you get dressed at least twice a week and go outside. It doesn't matter where, just do it, no matter hov difficult is may be. To grieve is healthy, but it can lead to depression and the best way to avoid that as much as possible is to make sure you go outside around people with some form of frequency. Don't loose all of you to that grief. It can so easily happen. When or if a time comes that you feel you need to carry on, then you will. Should you find yourself eventually involved with someone, it's ok to still love the person who's now gone. You can't compare them, or expect the feelings to be the same because they won't be. We love different people in our lives for different reasons. The same applies to new relationships. Anyone you may meet should understand this. If he doesn't, then he's not the one for you. What little bit of my heart is left goes out to you. I feel sad for both of us. Time healing? Who's to say when or even if it does? All my Best and My Sincerest Sympathies Susan

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Am I playing the fool? Posted: 2/28/2007 10:19:24 AM
Hi Denise...I don't normally post anything but this is one of those situations that strike home with me. I've been "involved" with someone for over 5 years who treats me exactly as you've described. I guess, truth be known, I didn't want to see the obvious. Until recently that is. A prime exmple is this past holiday season. I didn't see or hear from him for the final two weeks of December...not a word. Except a 5 word email on Boxing Day wishing me a Merry Xmas! That opened my eyes in a huge way, and kept them open. Recently I let him do a lot of talking while I've listened. He goes out to bars, picking up ladies. He attends POF Parties picking up ladies....He does a lot of things I wasn't aware of. In short, he has a very full social calender that doesn't include me, except when there's nothing better to do. He's taken me out in public twice in over 2 years...and I've allowed it!!! I've been a total fool when I look at the overall picture. Do yourself a favour and I know how difficult this is ...don't email, text or call him. If or when he contacts you, be busy. Don't have intimate encounters with him for a little while. Wait and see what happens. If he respects you or truly likes you and wants to spend quality time with you, you'll see a change. Most importantly....leave yourself open to meeting others, make new friends and try to ensure he knows you're moving on. Don't waste 5 long years on anything or anyone - you'll never get that time back again. Just my humble opinion.

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 204 (view)

Are there any men out there who isn't just looking for sex? Posted: 3/1/2006 1:22:50 AM
If there's a man out there who can think with his brain, and knows how to properly treat a woman like she sould be treated he's either gay, your father or a really endangered species. I have been fortunate enough to meet a few of these endangered species, and as long as you make yourself clear, demand respect, you'll get it. It's a matter of putting both feet firmly in place and keeping them there. If the guy can't give you that respect, is he really worth it? Me thinks not!

Joined: 3/1/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

Why do some feel they must tear others apart? Posted: 3/1/2006 1:18:14 AM
The Critiques are normally unhappy people, and misery loves company. A happy, well grounded person wouldn't do that to another - they wouldn't even go there. Unhappy people love spreading thier own brand of misery, just as happy people invite others to join them. Overall, happiness or contented people are like magnets - others want to share thier company so maybe it's best to feel sorry for the poor, insecure and miserable. A little empathy without placing yourself in the line of fire. I don't think they can help themselves. I don't condone the behavour, I just wonder what terrible series of events has bought them to the lonely world they live in - it must be a never ending nightmare. Makes me really happy I'm me. What about you?

Show ALL Forums