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Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

Diff Types of men and who we have relationships with... Posted: 10/14/2010 3:05:52 AM
I try to procure the best looking woman that satisfies enough of my other bold points. Sure, at a given pickup opportunity, most men would be more comfortable trying their hand with women who are less attractive (and purportedly less likely to reject). But given the opportunity, most men would probably prefer to successfully 'pull' an attractive woman over an unattractive one on every occasion.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 44 (view)

Are Men Intimidated by Confident Women??? Posted: 10/14/2010 1:57:13 AM
"Confident women" could mean a host of different personality attributes.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 71 (view)

why are men not upfront about liking you or not liking you Posted: 9/16/2010 2:58:58 PM
Well, sometimes it's not that cut and dry. Sometimes a guy really doesn't know whether or not he is interested. 'Interest' is relative; a guy who normally dates "5's" is probably gonna lose interest in those same women the week he finds out he could be dating "9's". People who 'love' Accords might think differerently if they could afford Bentley's. This girl from last night's date was cool- AT THAT TIME; but you wake up and go about your weekly biz, then eventually it comes to you that she's really not all that impressive relative to the other opportunities around you.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 129 (view)

Is online dating a waste of time for men? Posted: 9/16/2010 2:54:08 PM
(jinx-redux) I date quite a bit from this site. The fine print. -Jinx dates 'quite a bit' from this site, and the men she dates are apparently decent enough from her own ascertation. What the men are saying is that they do not date quite a bit from the site. =Therefore, this site is less a waste of time (assuming the purpose is dating) for jinx-redux than it is for the men complaining. Forget about who gets how many messages/week, and the subjective quality of those messages, etc.. . The point is that women on average find more successful dates than men on average. As a direct result the site is overall 'better' for women than for men.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 124 (view)

Is online dating a waste of time for men? Posted: 9/16/2010 2:17:15 PM
Desirable men have a great time in courting and mate selection, undesriable men have the opposite experience. Whether you're in a club, in a social group, or online, the forumla works out the same. Go into a club and just watch the women for a while; look at who they look at and what they seem interested towards. You'll notice that the group of women will be interested in the same few men- as much as those men show the women opportunity (e.g., show the women that they have a chance). The club actually affords much better 'odds' believe it or not because men have 2nd and 3rd opportunities to establish value and rapport with women, while a woman will ignore a man after his first sent message online. Women are also more apt to settle in person due to the occasional peer influence to score a mate, that same social atmosphere is absent online.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

why do men ask u out just 2 stand u up Posted: 7/25/2010 9:22:17 PM
Same reason women agree to give men their numbers (and sometimes even make plans to go out) then change their tone when the guy calls.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 139 (view)

I am getting tired of meeting women with low self-esteem!!! Posted: 7/6/2010 10:05:06 PM
Then you are just tired of meeting women. 'Low self-esteem' is a condition which can either be acute or longstanding. It is also a relative observation. But more than anything low self esteem (in others) is your friend; this is what makes you valuable to them. If her self esteem was super high she wouldn't even be talking to you. If it were dangerously low she would be on suicide watch. -However if it is 'healthfully low' it means the person will work hard for their validation. Low self-esteem is what compells us to get the best jobs we can, to dress nicely, to learn more, etc.. . This is a good thing, don't be mistaken.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 144 (view)

women as pure sexual objects Posted: 7/2/2010 5:35:05 AM
I think that the most wise and successful men consider women with the thought in mind that OTHER MEN view women largely as sex objects, and then attempt to figure a way to profit from that demand. 'Pimping' women (esp. when it's not explicitly using actual sexual intercourse) is one of the absolute best ways for men to utilize women's value. A man of 'level 3' social value has already bored of the success of simply persuading women to have sex with himself, and now has moved on to gaining from the social 'selling' of women's sex to other men (or groups or other social entitys). -A guy who uses his demonstrated craft with women to then entice powerful men to offer value to him for his company or insight is an example of what I'm talking about.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 314 (view)

why don't girls like sex as much as guys? Posted: 7/2/2010 5:17:02 AM
It's all about value. Women DON'T value sex as much as men do as individuals walking around in general society. Women perhaps do however value sex more than men in situations that are most ideal. - I think that is what many of the women that have contributed here are getting at. They don't want 'bad' sex anywhere near as much as men, yet they perhaps do want good sex ('good' being a quality conditional on numerous factors) even more so than men.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 113 (view)

Over 40 crowd. Women calling. Do men like it??? Posted: 7/1/2010 2:25:31 PM
(sweetlilgal2009 pg4 msg#100) Yup. But I also I remember in high school watching girls chase boys, and it never seemed to work. Not for the long term, anyway. One girl I'll never forget drove by this boy's house and blew the car horn. Every day, after school! Twice! Because he lived on a dead end! LOL! This is a true story. As far as I know, there isn't a man alive who appreciates that behavior. Because if he was interested in her, she would be so incredibly busy with him, she wouldn't need to drive by his car with her "siren song". And as far as I know, there isn't a man alive that can be "convinced" or "talked into" liking or wanting a woman. He either does or he doesn't. All the phone calls TO him isn't going to change his mind. ..So what exactly is the explanation or argument that suggests that the process is different when men do the same with women?

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 387 (view)

Dating within' your League Posted: 6/29/2010 5:40:51 PM
Of course there are leagues- otherwise we'd see mate pairings of across socioeconomic barriers all the time. But as far as approaching women, most men simply don't do this correctly, and so league wouldn't be the central issue.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 43 (view)

When the guy decides to not go on another date Posted: 6/29/2010 5:27:15 PM
I disagree OP, men decide to not go past the first date all the time. Women complain about it all the time as well- which proves that this condition is prevalent. "How do I get a second date?" "How can I meet guys who don't only want ONS?" "Why don't guys call after what seems a great first date?" ..Where you been OP? My opinion is that you are taking the argument from the vantage of the men who are below the women they date in 'value'. Women (women who are below the men that they date) would probably say something similar as you about their own situation. -In the same way that lower value men can give and give to women and get little return, while higher value men can offer next to nothing and have these exact same women offering their all. The perspective is relative.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 67 (view)

Woman won't give out number but asks for yours. Posted: 6/29/2010 6:28:45 AM
Really, men should not tolerate the situation that many women have echoed here in that they don't give out their number. -Last I checked men were actually implored by women themselves to "step up (and be men)", to "grow a pair", etc.. . Men are basically for what it's worth the initiators of dating as a world wide phenomenon: so why would men then allow this very small subsection of women to even persuade the smallest change in men's behavior? Not to start an argument here, but since when do men follow directions from women? Doesn't that contradict the prior request to "be a man"? So yeah, go out and ask women for their numbers: if they ask for yours instead,-regardless of what you think their motivation is- leave the interaction at that, and get a woman's number who is interested in fitting into the system. Eventually these women who feel that they should be winning on both sides (e.g., expecting men to approach, yet also expecting men to then relinquish the 'ball' so to speak by handing her his # and waiting for her call) will be pariahs.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 2693 (view)

Internet dating: sucks for guys, good for women. Posted: 6/24/2010 3:06:39 AM
Women's perspective- Top: Get almost too much attention from men of all value ranges. Are able to set the rules and to dictate their behavior in front of the majority pool of men. Select from what is generally acknowledged as the "Top" men. ~ Top women and Top men will often cancel each other's leverage. Average-Bottom: Get moderate to minimal attention from men of mostly average and below average value ranges with a few high value thrown in intermittently. These women are also able to somewhat set their own rules as it comes to who they choose to date. They invariably however choose to date at the top of their range. ~ These moderate+ level men now have leverage with these women because they see the women as a consolation of somewhat. As a result the women in this range experience the most prevalent 'they only want me for sex' situations. As a man who found himself in this average demographic, the women who would respond to me could only be bootycalls. I couldn't seriously date these women- and apparently many guys find themselves in the same predicament: unable to attract women they are interested in, so we sometimes say to ourselves '..fu^# it, oh well. Lemme see if I can get any benefit out of this while i'm here'. The huge advantage of leverage for women is likely the reason both genders find online dating to be disappointing.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Do woman like men approaching them when not at a bar . Posted: 6/23/2010 5:51:28 PM
It's all about value. Would you like a salesman interrupting you while you're out taking care of your business? Probably not. However, what if someone was legitimately going around giving away extra concert tickets to your favorite band; would you want them to pass you by because you've given out a broad warning against any and all people who would disturb you in public? -Women don't want some loser talking to them out of nowhere, but even more so than that they WOULD certainly appreciate a man who could offer tremendous value to their lives to be proactive and 'approach' them. It's really this simple. *Also, men should not often 'approach' women anyway. Giving women an ultimatum is not they way to go. Showing interest is not the way to go. If you're an attractive man (as decided by this particular woman) and you open a conversation with her and you show opportunity to her for her to be able to enjoy your value for herself then really does it matter if YOU are interested in her or not? Not at all. She's gonna be interested/attracted regardless of whether your interested (or either she wont be interested regardless if you're interested in her). This is something that men have been taught that is entirely ineffective. If Brad Pitt -just using his name as the cliche- walks up to a fan of his and begins talking to her is it going to deter her that he hasn't yet expressed interest?

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 225 (view)

Why is soo hard for guys to approach women?? Posted: 6/22/2010 9:48:52 AM
Guys make me laugh when they make evaluations about approaching women like 'it's a risk..' '..it's hard selling yourself'. - Women were literally created for men to communicate and have relationships with and to procreate with (and historically, to serve as followers to men's lead in civilization). Really, there are few things IN THE WORLD that should be easier for a man that approaching a woman. Especially if a man believes he is of high value himself: really, what woman would ever turn down a man of high value who communicates (as opposed to giving her an first impression ultimatum) opportunity and a possibility of interest to her? This is exactly what women hope for in life more than almost anything. Rather than think of it is an entreat where the spotlight is on you, the man, and all your inadequacy- think of it as you being a high profile talent scout, and the women around you are amateur baseball players all looking to hopefully score a position of favor with you. ^Also *KEEP IN MIND* (of utmost social importance) that it is the weakness of so many men in this area that gives women a sense of power and leverage in public socializing. The very fact that you express your weakness and notions of inferiority about interacting one on one with women is what gives them the idea to try and make it more difficult for you! The fact that you sound so weak makes women less interested in the prospect of men like you approaching them in public. Rather, think of yourself as 'The Bachelor'; where if anything, an approach from you is more so a desire of them more than you. For a valuable man, he should be more burdened and disinterested by approaching a woman than the women is from him approaching her.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 224 (view)

Why is soo hard for guys to approach women?? Posted: 6/22/2010 7:18:53 AM
--flat rejection most times -- I've asked out 350 girls. exactly (I counted, and when I realized I was near 350 I decided to go for the round number) I've gotten alot of "your not my type"s, "I'm not looking right now"s, and "no"s. my fav is "I'm not looking" followed by her getting a new boyfriend a week later. frankly, I'd prefer a no. out of those 350, I've gotten 9 "I'm not ready yet"s, and one girl actually said maybe! rejection not most of the time - all of the time. Women are INCREDIBLY easy. ..And that is not a slight- women should be easy; hell, that is one of biology's chief designs. If you find women difficult to attract it uniquivocally means that you are doing something wrong. Just because women are 'easy' doesn't mean that there is not a specific way to go about succeeding that if not followed will result in sure failure. Tying shoelaces is 'easy'; does that mean that you can just do any random action and expect it will result in successfully tying your shoes? No. You need to first learn how to attract women and only then start approaching women.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

Is there ANY hope? Posted: 6/21/2010 5:40:53 AM
I'm curious as to why there are so many discouraging posts here.This woman wants to do as she feels. I just came from the thread on women and their 'high standards'; women want to do as they feel, and they feel as if the choices they make are the best for them (after already weighing their options). Obviously this woman (just like the other women who choose to hold out to date whatever type men they hold out for) has already considered the obvious alternatives here. Why do men so often feel the need to coddle women- especially when those same women turn around and neglect you after you've helped them? --> THEN men continue to run the same cycle with women over again!?

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

He said... She said... Posted: 6/21/2010 4:51:20 AM
Damn. This guy ran a whole routine and even took a plane trip just for that? Hell, i'm contemplating whether or not 45 miles is too far and too long a drive to meet with these two girls I met this weekend. I guess certain dudes really do have a whole other perspective as to the worth of having sex with a woman.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 91 (view)

women complain that guys only want sex Posted: 6/17/2010 6:06:45 AM
Women think what 'The Patriarchial society' instructs them to. Women were raised at one point on notions of White Knights, chivarly, gender roles, and social obedience. Women are also informed that sex is a tradable good that women in general can use in barter with men. -That apparently men want sex more than women. One other reason women believe that every guy wants sex from them is that their personal interactions with men often reflect this same notion. Depending on how limited a woman's interaction with men, she may only find herself around men in nightclubs, relationships, and on tv. In all 3 of these scenarios one of men's major focuses is indeed attaining sex from women. Women assume men to largely be of a general 'borg' type collective consciousness (just as men often assume of women); so if apparently *most men (she has direct or indirect contact with at least) want sex from women-if not her personally- why wouldn't all men just the same? Basically a man has to almost prove a woman to be below his standard (or just simply be so desirable that she doesn't mind him wanting to have sex with her) for her to finally relinquish the idea that he wants to have sex with her.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 63 (view)

Showing initial interest and its effect on relationships Posted: 6/17/2010 5:55:00 AM
The reality is that this is a 'super social' skill. Most people for instance have a difficult enough time getting a date out of someone in school, at the gym, in a club, etc..- situations where there is plenty of opportunity to begin conversations and gauge interest levels and all that good stuff. Meeting someone (e.g., being social enough to the point where you are not only communicating with people, but communicating interpersonally to the extent that you are able to acknowledge and communicate to each other mutual interest) is just about a pipe dream for the person of average social skills. You TWO people have to either be incredibly lucky at the exact same time, or one person has to really know what they are doing. In reality, persuasion is a skill that can be used effectively 100% of the time. Most people however are naive enough to wait for 'someone who likes me for me...' and 'the right one who will find me when I least expect it'. For contrast, however, a man who knows the ins and outs of persuasion can select a particular random woman in a supermarket and guarantee that she will develop interest in him

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

Women showing interest is cool, guys doing it, isn't. What gives? lol Posted: 6/17/2010 1:54:33 AM
I think the op's theory is more true in situations where women have leverage over men (such as the bar and club scene, as well as in online dating). Reasoning behind it as I understand is that men are obviously more interested in women (than women are in men) in the bar scene seeing as that women have leverage. It's nothing novel for a man to show interest in a woman in these environments, and if anything it's a major associator of low-value. Contrarily, a woman showing interest in a man in the bar- now that is something to marvel at. Basically there's no value in men showing interest, where there is in women showing interest (in these venues where women on average have greater value and leverage over men). Not much different than the stance on promiscuious, 'easy' sex: A woman giving away* sex is not cool (because it is far easier for women to get sex- seeing as heterosexual men have enough demand for sex themselves that women need not put any effort into attaining sex). * A man gaining sex IS cool (because there is high demand from men to women for sex- thus making sex more 'costly' to achieve for men as women will attempt to parlay that demand into something where they can gain in other ways for 'giving away' sex to men. There is also more competition for men to gain sex, which in itself makes getting sex something of a 'win' over other males.)

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

would women be ok with a man with less sexual partners tha themselves Posted: 6/17/2010 12:02:57 AM
Curious that Becky b says assumes that it's actually the norm that women have more partners than the men they date. Kinda surprsing considering how much men are labeled as dogs and that men would 'have sex with anything'. That men think about sex all day and night, and that men go out every weekend trying to get laid while women go out 'just to dance'. - Considering all that Becky (the only woman on this thread so far) claims to assume that women STILL usually have more sex partners than the men they date. What does that presume to say about women's motivations (e.g., why would women be having more sex partners than men considering how much less women apparently desire casual sex, and new sex partners than men?)

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 229 (view)

Why when women get over thirty their more horny? Posted: 6/16/2010 5:49:58 AM
Plenty of men offering compliments to women on this issue (as they always do.. yet ironically wonder why women attribute most men no dating value). I wanted to add that while yes I agree that women may indeed develop a greater personal desire (physical and psychological) to enjoy sex after their mid 30's, they also however have a lower social impetus to engage in it. More specifically: women are not 'paid' as much for sex after they hit their 30's. - So, really, women may actually be 'less sexual' (..for lack of a better phrase) after 30 after all. A 39 year old woman is more willing to have sex for her own personal pleasure, yet she has less market pressure to have sex (liken this example to something like a veteran athlete accepting a huge pay cut, but still playing because he enjoys the fun of the game more now than he had earlier in his career). Just for your own insight, do a search and see if you can find any thread topic at all where women show up in droves to just throw compliments at men. Realize that it is no accident that average men find women to be 'picky', and consider women to be the 'choosers' in dating. Men of higher value have a completely different vantage. Men of high dating value find women to be more 'desperate' and 'easy' than picky.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 31 (view)

Would you date a man who is in a tribute band? Posted: 6/16/2010 12:13:46 AM
Nah, if I were you OP i'd probably return the calls from Brad and Denzel and let this guy go.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 137 (view)

Are most guys only into one night stands? Posted: 6/10/2010 3:18:05 AM
(To a man): A 'one night stand' girl/woman -esp. in online dating- is akin to a single email correspondence then fizzle out to a woman. This is a woman that he is only half interested in to begin with. Women however obviously peer from their own vantage, and they think that men must either be 'sick, selfish @holes..' or completely neurotic that we would plot to talk to this woman and maintain a performance where we say all the right things and give all the go signs when all we ever wanted to do was meet this woman one time and have sex with her and move on. The more objective reality is that internet dating truly forces men to settle for women that they are not as interested in as they'd like (hence threads titled "Internet dating: good for women, sucks for guys", and comments like ' a friend of mine said he sent out 500-600 emails to women and got 5 dates out of it'). The women who returned my messages earlier this year for example were women that all I could reasonably do was either meet them one time just for the hell of it, or just stop talking to them and leave it cold. These were women that I wasn't remotely interested in besides the possibility that they could offer a sexual partner; yes, women that had the leverage been reversed (where men got the bulk of the messages) I would've read/deleted. I had emailed many of them only to see what level of response I would get from my profile and message choice. - I'm sure many men can relate. The moral here and the common sense to note is that men are not going to run away from women whom they have: 1) Already have established a dating scenario 2) Have already begun a sexual relationship with -if they are attracted to her or find her worthwhile. What sense would that make (even if the man only wanted sex, he would at least try to gain a bootycall out of it)? Women however want to assuage their esteem and rationalize it as 'men must be sociopaths', 'men must only want sex- and then only want to conquer women and then move on'. The honest reality is that he was never interested in this woman to begin with, and had sex with her because it was the consolation for being rejected by the women he really wanted- as unsavory as that sounds.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 119 (view)

600 emails to get 5 dates??? Posted: 6/9/2010 10:44:45 PM
Like i've told guys in profile reviews: Online dating is fundamentally the exact same as dating in greater society in that people are conditioned and persuaded towards certain market 'products' and the standards to go about procuring these products (e.g., meeting and dating in this instance). The difference is in the specifics, and in the methods. 1) Women aren't encouraged to settle in online dating as they are in real life- if anything the opposite is true: where women apparently have an abundance of male dating value from which to choose, as well as no social pressure in time constraints to settle. 2) Men cannot display as much value as in greater 'in person' society, and they also don't have the same amount of opportunity to do so. This is basically akin to men approaching women on the street- a man gets a short opener to show as much value as he can and provide as great an argument for himself as he he can. From this one statement (including his physical value, the words he says) she makes a one-shot judgment. Also, keep in mind that this particular man is not new; he is mildly unattractive, 'normal' and not incredibly interesting just like the previous 11 men- so it makes sense that the woman would start prejudging men as to not 'waste time' wading through suitors who seem just as fallible as the last. *Actually, online dating is far less rewarding for the average guy than just walking up to women and asking them out on the street. Main reason being that most women don't have any men talk to them throughout the week, let alone dozens/day. Most especially the women that most average guys email online- these women would be very flattered at a decent offer on the street. So yeah, a guy asking out 500-600 women on the street would do far better than 5 dates.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

How to get him to ask me out.. Posted: 6/7/2010 5:36:45 AM
.. You don't, and shouldn't even be thinking like this so early. Refresher~ At the time, the op had just MET this guy a week and a half ago; and she's asking for a commitment already? ... I really hope most women don't share a similar dating protocol. It's hard to blame men for fearing commitment.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

How do you meet someone in a nightclub? Posted: 6/5/2010 5:18:24 AM
Real quick: I agree that women often consciously will go out not intent on finding men. I agree completely. So why then would these women go to a place notorious for mate selection- knowing that they're gonna have to deal with many others who take for granted that people are in there looking to mate? In my estimation, it's that (no offense suggested) women are simply boring as rocks. Single women don't have anything else to do on a Friday/Sat night or any other day of the week that offers the entertainment value and social standarding of a night club. For comparison: I, as a man, go to the clubs strictly to meet women to have sex with. I don't need to go to the club to 'socialize (with only the friends I came with- as women often do), or to take in the ambiance of the crowd' in order to find fun. Guys will get together and play ball, play video games, call over women, watch the fight, etc.. . Adult women however are simply not as entertaining as men; and as a result need to seek out people to help entertain them. Women past a certain age no longer find it satisfying to get together and watch tv for the night, or talk, or whatever it is women do. Women simply don't have any cheap, easy entertainment besides a night club- and so women will go even when they're not intent on mating.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

How do you meet someone in a nightclub? Posted: 6/5/2010 2:33:17 AM
(WomanInProgress pg1) That's not really what nightclubs are for. Yeah, I know I know men have been thinking it is for years. It's not. Nightclubs are for drinking, dancing, having fun, hanging with friends, people watching and/or enjoying the music or entertainment. General light socializing. That's it. If you go there for the place and you happen to meet someone you can call or hang out with somewhere else another time, great - but that's a bonus, not a goal. If you see a woman you want to dance with or talk to, catch her before she gets on the dance floor or gets in a huddle with her friends. You're not supposed to interrupt women in groups and/or on the dance floor - they aren't playing hard to get, they're usually there to hang out together. I disagree completely with this sentiment from women ( as it is echoed from a few women here, as well as many other women you'll run into. 'A night club is a place where women come to DANCE..' - well if you really want to play it like this, work is a place where people come to work. School is a place where people go to learn and to make grade. Church is a place where people come to worship. The bookstore is where people go to check out literature, etc.. . If you take the literal perspective, there's not a single place in our entire general social scene where people go with the absolute intent to meet someone. But in truth, EVERYONE is always 100% open to receive something of value; whenever wherever. Women say that they 'go to nightclubs only to dance' to deter the expected droves of men, many of whom they assume they'd wouldn't be interested in.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 45 (view)

Guy wanting to wait and girl doesn't? Posted: 6/1/2010 12:46:57 AM
'..Madonna/whore...he's a jerk...he wants to control her... he's using the 'wait till marriage' scheme to mask his own impotency problems...' So, I take it it is not at all possible that a man could ever simply want to wait until marriage to have sex? (And women wonder and feel slighted when men never see women as more than sex objects. - Apparently people in general [as indicated by this forum] seem to believe that a man could never enjoy being with a woman unless sex is part of the trade) How often do women say they want to wait however long in a relationship before having sex.. and rarely is it questioned. When one instance of a man doing the same surfaces however: he must apparently be gay, or have some sort of devious scheme planned.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 47 (view)

Paying for Sex-Can cost you your job?! Posted: 6/1/2010 12:28:52 AM
First off OP, I think many of us here are missing the biggest concern here: What in the hell is the point of working towards becoming a lawyer if you are afraid to talk to women? Lawyers can get free sex from women very easily; a lawyer is a very desirable dating partner for women. Your friend apparently must have low dating self-esteem stemming from early adolescence; as it is not hidden or rare knowledge that lawyers can generally attract about any woman they want.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 57 (view)

Good enough only for sex Posted: 5/31/2010 11:13:55 PM
(spitfire6844 pg1 msg#23)I think it's common knowledge that most guys, when they are young and immature, will have sex with girls they wouldn't want to go public with.. I agree with your initial explanation spitfire, and I feel you nailed the basics. I disagree however with this overwhelming opinion that this behavior is somehow 'immature'. What's immature about it? We appropriate individuals in the positions they are best suited in our lives: we all apply labels, parameters, and restrictions to people in our lives which we would feel intruded upon if crossed. We don't want our employees showing up at our homes unannounced. We don't want our gardners joining us for dinner. We don't want our drunken hook up from a few years back surprising us in public at the office. While teenaged we don't want our Grandma showing up to hang out with us and our friends. Etc.. Just the same, we don't want the 'girl who we have sex with' hanging around us giving the impression to observers that she is 'the girl we are in a relationship with'. Just like women don't want 'the good guy who I like as a friend but have no chemistry with' to be assumed to be 'the guy i'm dating'.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

guys who do one night stands ??? Posted: 5/20/2010 1:43:22 AM
It's not a double standard because obviously it is more difficult for men to get sex than it is for women. -The women who keep complaining about this may not be smart enough to be participating anyhow.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 36 (view)

Have you ever asked out a guy? How often do you do that? Posted: 5/16/2010 5:12:08 AM
(womaninprogress pg1 msg#23) I don't ask men out, at least not "cold". I feel that someone asking you out without saying much more than hello is cornering them, and not giving them enough information to honestly answer you. When guys do this to me I feel that way, anyway - as I don't really know if I want to go out with them after seeing them for 15 seconds, so by default I usually say "no thanks". I do approach, make conversation, and they know I have interest at first. From there I break conversation, and if they wish to continue talking at a later time, they'll let me know. From there the next time I talk to him I may suggest hanging out and let him take the bait... W.I.P- After all that bravado you come to admit that you don't ask men out? I thought i'd seen you multiple times allude that you do "initiate"; but as far as actually proposing a 'yes/no' ('risk/reward', 'accept me/reject me') ultimatum as it were, you don't tread that ground?

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

why do women chase men and do men enjoy being pursued Posted: 4/12/2010 2:18:03 PM
The general reality is that men don't prefer women to chase them. Men who don't get much attention and many propositions/date requests from women (which is the experience of most of us) like the -idea- of women pursuing them; but in practice, men really don't like women nosing around us and intruding on our time. Look at examples of men who have incredible success with women- do you think these guys appreciate the straggling women who don't at "no", or who don't get the hints of disinterest? This man has great efficiacy with the women he's interested in, so if a woman whom he has not agreed to date keeps hounding him, it's obvious that he's not shy or intimidated but more likely annoyed. Perhaps a crude example, but think of a harem or something of the sort. If a man is prominent in controlling this harem he knows all the women, and he makes a habit of choosing which women he prefers. Now if a woman whom he neither chose, nor did he agree to be with her when she first approached him were to keep 'chasing' him it would be moot, right, because she and he already knew he had the ability to choose whomever he wanted from the group. Most men however aren't in the situation where they have so many women that they are bothered by women stepping out of turn and pursuing him. But the apparent reality is that IF WE WERE would would most often prefer a woman sit back and wait for us to decide who we were interested in seeing further.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 302 (view)

How do you get a guy to not just want you for sex??? Posted: 4/11/2010 9:09:59 AM
I find it just a little humorous that the OP asks 'how do you get a guy to not just want you for sex?'- as if she's expecting a "1+2=3" easy answer. This is likely the most pressing question women have had EVER/ALWAYS regarding dealing with men. This is the most major question women have asked regarding men, and she asks it like she expects it to be answered within a few pages on a dating forum. This is a question that women as a class have struggled with forever.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 20 (view)

Dating a guy who is quite shy with affection in public and im not Posted: 4/7/2010 11:51:04 PM
I also wouldn't want to be holding hands in public on the third date. Most long time couples rarely even hold hands in public. It just looks and feels way too 'middle school' like.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 42 (view)

Men asking intimate questions right off the bat Posted: 4/3/2010 2:45:08 AM
(army mom pg. 1 msg# 25) My opinion: You guys are basically strangers. Next time someone you consider a stranger asks you such a personal question, ask him if he'd walk up to some random woman in a grocery store and ask her a very personal question. I'd almost bet that he wouldn't have the balls to do that. 'Basically strangers'? The OP said she had talked with this guy about 5-6 times through 2 different mediums. By that time most people would've been on a date or two already. Of course you're overreacting OP: this guy has invested a good deal of time talking to you; he's obviously skeptical of your looks as you list BBW and he can't see much but your face in your pics. What man do you think would want to invest so much time talking to a woman whom he's skeptical he'd even be attracted enough to to date? -Certainly the other women on this thread are going to assuage you (and spite the male dater) almost regardless of the situation. But yes, know that regardless of the morals and ethics which may be involved here, as far as dating protocol operates you are absolutely being oversensitive and idealistic.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 147 (view)

What do girls mean when they say their last relationship was all about sex? Posted: 3/31/2010 4:06:12 AM
(previously quoted)"THE ONE... He is the guy who the minute you look at him, he makes you instantly think of sex." (Ailliss pg.7 msg#154) I have felt this way about almost every man I have carnally been with ..Realistically, in this situation I find it impossible to think about tomorrow when today is soo complete. OT………She’s fvcked other guys that made her feel like the above. You just don’t do it for her. Elaboration: she does not mind being with a guy who only wants her for sex but you are not him. From you she wants some kind of payment. *This should be pasted in every men's magazine, on every online dating page, and at the entrance to every bar and dance club. WOMEN WILL CERTAINLY HAVE QUICK SEX, AND EVEN RELEGATE THEMSELVES TO BEING YOUR F BUDDY--> as long as you play the role of the ideal, sexually virile and supremely in demand alpha male. (Even better if you indicate to her-not literally, of course- that you have plenty of offers on the table and that she should find herself thrilled that you'd even make time to regularly have sex with little ol' her.)

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 131 (view)

What do girls mean when they say their last relationship was all about sex? Posted: 3/29/2010 8:46:09 PM
She means that the party's over and you just missed all the fun, but she wants you to be the one to help her clean up the mess.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 165 (view)

Nice guys finish first sometimes.......but they just don't get laid a lot Posted: 3/29/2010 8:20:51 PM
It's not that women don't like 'nice' guys, it's that they don't believe a guy of value would be 'nice' (e.g., acceding, non-asserting, 'easy to get') to them. Women as a social group have low self-esteem relative to men; so why in the hell would a man of value meet a 'lowly, unattractive, slightly dim-witted, overweight, unsuccessful, psychologically damaged, etc.. ' (this being the internal commentary & self-image of an insecure woman) woman and be 100% won over from the moment he meets her? -To the point where he is actually acceding to her, and trying to 'win her over'? If she herself (in her own estimation) is a lowly human being- far unworthy of being with a prince let alone being courted by one- the what does this make this guy who wholeheartedly accepts her from the first day of meeting her? He obviously must be even worse off than herself! -That's why treating women with irreverence (not being jerks in the literal sense) works to get them to presume the man to possibly have value. ..It makes sense to them that a man of higher value than her would be irreverent to her.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 54 (view)

Why do guys expect intimacy so suddenly? Posted: 3/29/2010 7:46:19 PM
This is why as a man you need to understand women's position to be able to better serve your own needs through them. Women playing aloof,.. acting b!tchy as to ward of attention,.. wearing fake wedding bands, etc.. - these are barriers that a man needs to break in order to succeed with persuading women. The good thing about so many men being so poor at this is that it makes it so much easier for men who 'play the role'. First step is to always reject women in the beginning to disqualify yourself from being one of 'those' guys who is after her for sex. The reason this works is that a man of value (which is the only type women really desire), shouldn't ever be at a loss for sex, right? Women GIVE men of value sex just to be around him. So why would he be interested in having sex with some random woman who works at a gas station (who also by her own admission is not all that attractive)? He's just a valuable guy who offers value to those around him- rather than looking to take value away. Women understand full well that they should never be the one to dictate the rules with a man of value. All this '..when i'm ready to let a man pursue me then i'll take the fake band off and become more friendly'- as if men are supposed to sit around and wait for women to get ready to allow him to talk to her.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 161 (view)

Why don't men ask women to dance like they used to? Posted: 3/28/2010 3:12:06 AM
Women who ask this question don't seem to understand exactly how much they're asking men to offer here. 'Why don't men ask women to dance' is basically suggesting that men should stand around and ask every woman until he gets a positive answer. - Do you foresee just how much value a man would lose if he/we did this (on top of the huge amount of leverage women already enjoy over men in night clubs)? -which would ironically make women even less interested in dancing with him I just got back from the club an hour ago, and I couldn't wait to find somewhere to post my observations. I'll say that I saw a few guys get a dance in with a woman (<5 the whole night), and that for the most part women were turning men down while dancing amongst themselves. Now sure, there was a girl who asked me why I hadn't asked her to dance-- but the question is if I'm a typical guy, how would I know she had hoped I'd ask her to dance? The women by and large play very aloof in the clubs; sometimes it's because they have no interest in you, and other times it's because they have interest but apparently don't want to be left in the cold showing obvious interest to a guy who doesn't reciprocate (yet this doesn't stop women from hoping and suggesting that men on the other hand do show their interest first). Literally, a guy would have to establish eye contact or talk to most every woman to get her to show signals she's willing to dance, or else just randomly go up to women throughout the night hoping for one to stop. Both situations that women themselves would do everything to avoid if the shoe was on the other foot.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

Physical attraction verses Sexual attraction Posted: 3/26/2010 7:53:26 AM
Absolutely a guy can learn to be attractive. Understand that "attraction" and even more so the ideal of 'attractiveness' is part evolution, part personality, but mostly made of a social standard. The reason that some people are so widely attractive we are able to label them as being '''attractive'' people' is that there is obviously a standard involved of which many in a society, if not the vast majority will agree. Things like status and aesthetic beauty are objective variables in a society- they are very real and very obvious to observe, and as well to create if at all possible. There is another value, 'interest' or ability to be interesting (basically the ability to captivate other social humans in a given venue) which is also attractive in the general sense of what it means to be considered 'attractive'. Certainly a person can learn to be attractive, just like we can learn to be better actors and more charismatic; and I don't understand how a man seemingly as wise as you appear would allow people here to convince you otherwise. Being attractive basically means simply what it entails- that something has the ability to draw people towards it. Don't get so caught up in the notion of 'romantic attraction', and 'sexual attraction' that you lose the root definition of the phenomena. Under this definition it's possible that just about anything can be attractive, and it's true. For instance, a woman who is the life of the party and makes you feel good about yourself in her presence has an attractive personality. A woman who has a physical look that ranks high on the social standard for mating is attractive to you as potential partner. Someone who has high social status and advertises openings whereby you yourself can benefit from being around him is attractive to you as a social opportunity. There are plenty of ways to be attractive to someone. On a dating site, of course, we're more interested in sexual attraction and romantic attraction. Well, more than anything else, a strong romantic attraction requires someone being high up the social standard for a mate (and thereby attracting the observer due to the observer's conscious and subconscious acknowledgment of the potential self benefit seen in this person)- either on notion of value, or rapport [as to say that this woman may not be very high on the social standard for a mate, but still he is on the standard and he is someone who has a very high interpersonal connection with me], and simply personal enjoyable to be around. She makes you 'feel' good- and this is generally explained by her appealing to you personally by fitting some social standards on value that you hold dear (as most everything we know as humans is socially implemented, and as such there's not much that we as humans are going to understand much less seek outside of what we learn and interpret through our social system). Basically, as I understand it, we are attracted to what suggests to provide some personal benefit to us. We decide what is attractive by what society tells us is so, and also what makes us 'feel good'.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

should i tell people i'm interested in....... Posted: 3/26/2010 6:00:31 AM
I'm sorry, I must be dense or something, cause I don't see what the issue is here. Should you tell people you're interested in that your kids are mixed? Lol.. what the hell kind of thought process is that? I would assume that a person just as soon opt to not date racists rather than going through the issue of being embarassed about her children's ethnicity. I've dated a lot of white women, maybe even had a kid or two by a white woman: should I tell this to the Indian girl i'm interested in that works at the coffee shop before I ask her out? Or should I remain of the opinion that it's none of her business what the ethnicities were of the women I've dated?

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 15 (view)

Do single moms have lower standards? Posted: 3/26/2010 2:22:18 AM
Of course, but women aren't going to substantiate what seems rational here. Women will tell you that overweight and homely women don't have lower standards either. They're saving face to maintain a vestige of self esteem. What do guys expect women to say-'I'm a single mother, and hell yes I have lower standards'..?

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 93 (view)

Does great oral sex giving depend on how much you like/love that person? Posted: 3/26/2010 2:14:55 AM
Lol.. you guys aren't sopping up this bullshit are you? To take me as an example in this theory (that apparently women rarely if ever give oral sex to men they don't "love"): I've never yet loved a girl/woman, and I imagine a woman has never yet loved me, and still I have never been with a woman who didn't give me head the very first day we got intimate. Most of the time her giving me oral sex was our first/second sexual act (sometimes even before kissing). Is it that i'm just incredibly lucky to be arbitrarily meeting such rare women?

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 315 (view)

I have a great looking girl but............ Posted: 3/26/2010 1:42:09 AM
Keep her in the friend zone (FWB, Fbuddy, casual sex acquaintence) for a while and see how she manages her wait- or if you run into a woman that you are more certain about.

Shoedaddy

Joined: 3/2/2006

Msg: 92 (view)

Random compliments not a good thing? Posted: 3/26/2010 12:55:56 AM
I always thought that giving a woman the attention of a gaze or a conversation was more than enough compliment.

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