msg. 160: Personally it took me 4 years to heal, to the point i was ready to move forward, then it took me a year, by choice, to evaluate my past so I could be better in the future..without confusion..

msg. 161: Your answers are within your self,, your grieving should be yours, you can receive help with that, but no one has the right not to allow you to grieve,, more importantly, it's you who are stopping your self, that's important to realize.. you have that control, no one else does, it's your power, that will move you forward,, it's in your power to do what is right and good for you, therefore, don't give that power up to someone else, allow your self to grieve..

OP >>> "you may be "missing out" on meeting the perfect person if you think you are settling for what is in front of you".... Who knows... maybe I'm settling!!! I know I deserve someone who isn't emotionally unavailabe !!!

msg. 42 >>> is rejection or rejecting easier to deal with than death? everyone dies, not everyone splits up. This doesn't make any sense to me, perhaps you could help me understand your belief?

OP >>> ...everywhere you go, holiday songs, or worse yet, holiday love songs...This will be the first christmas in years that I will be alone and single..and already dreading it..Anyone else out there feel the same?

msg. 7 >>>In other words, my profile accurately reflects my endearing arrogance and sense of the absurd. With me, what you read/see is what you get.

OP >>> How do I know if I am ready for this? Sometimes I just miss the feeling of closeness with some body, I also don't want to hurt anybodys feelings by being on the rebound.

msg 28 >>>I believe anyone who still identifies who THEY ARE by defining themselves with their deceased spouse is NOT ready to date anyone new....

msg. 11 >>> Is a tight rope to walk on but when all of the validation of value is secure and the widow feels like they are still driving the old car it takes time to relearn the new layout of the new car. The new car knows it is brighter and faster but it has the patience to allow the old driver leverage to find the new turn signal....

If entering into a relationship with people who are tender please go slow and know your not going to heal them...they heal himself with your understanding.

msg. 24 >>> The last guy I had a serious relationship with is still one of my best friends. Why? Because he's an awesome person. He always treated me incredibly well, we care immensely for each other, I adore both him and his daughter. We broke up due to long-term incompatibilities; neither of us did anything wrong, we just have different goals in a couple areas.

msg. 528 >>> Well Son, let me fill you in just a tad on the cold/hard truth. My son is three years younger than you and has the wisdom of YODA if compared to you (in case you don't know who Yoda is, rent Star Wars, he's the wise little hairy dude with a brain/insight/intelligence and the common sense to keep his mouth shut when he's likely going to say something stupid.) Does your Mother know you have so little regard for women in general? I'm embarrassed for her. I'll bet she tried to raise you to respect ALL women. If she didn't shame on you both.

msg. 1133 >>>The biggest roadblock isn't a shortage of women in my age range that I find appealing, but distance. There are literally pages and pages of smart, attractive, classy women in their 40's and 50's on here, but most live too far away.

The following quote on my profile:
Toy with my spirit and I will play with you. Seduce my mind and my body is yours. Capture my heart and I will love you always. Touch my soul and we are one..

The best sex ever begins with mental foreplay. I am so turned-on by intelligence..by wit and humor.. by someone who explores and stimulates my mind and invites me to explore and stimulate his. A guy who really listens to the things I say in passing, notices that it's the sentimental little things that mean so much to me and shows me by saying and doing the those romantic things when I least expect it, is the guy who will make my heart smile and keep me "hungering after him". Mental intimacy ~ the seduction of my emotions ~ is the key that unlocks the door that leads to the soul to soul connection on several levels. It must be achieved and continually nurtured for mind blowing, meaningful sexual intimacy to take place and to continue taking place.

In my mind, the only way to keep a long term relationship from growing stale is to honor each other's individuality ~ respect each other's alone time. It's during those times that we reflect on what brought us together as a couple in the first place. It's during those times that the original "spark" is rekindled.

msg. 15>>> It seems to me that some people have so many exes ....... they can’t help from knowing about at least a dozen of them. I’ve had a grand total of three exes in the last 40 years.

OP>>> It seems like others have a constant interest in what there ex is doing on a regular basis - sometimes weeks to months after the breakup. It is one thing if you have children with the ex - but what if not - what is the excuse to remain somewhat linked?

msg 199>>>From my experience a lot of good looking men don't even know that they are. Not to mention I see a good bit of very handsome men with women I think not so good looking, which leads me to believe that man is just as beautiful inside as well as out.

What I'm here to ask is, when was the first time you remember realizing this, and what went through your mind that made you realize it? Did you look in the mirror and smile and smile back?

It seems like others have a constant interest in what there ex is doing on a regular basis - sometimes weeks to months after the breakup. It is one thing if you have children with the ex - but what if not - what is the excuse to remain somewhat linked?

msg 12>>> I have trouble even remembering them . . .

msg. 48>>>Relationships should ideally add to our lives (hopefully a happy one), not take away, restrict, inhibit or limit our own personal happiness. If you're not just as happy being with someone as being by yourself, then it's not something that's likely going to work out or be something good and healthy.

OP >>> it occurred to me that while we all want companionship in our life and indeed that is why we are on this site how about in the interim perhaps starting a Forum that celebrates and embraces the good stuff about being single....

How about starting a community of support that inspires, empowers and brings encouragement to singles who embrace the lifestyle or at least live it due to no choice of their own. We are not second class citizens until we meet the "One" we have a voice. Any thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated.

msg. 31 >>>If everyone is so happy being single the why are you on a dating site?

msg 239 >>>I think you all have missed the point in your response. 1st place if you have to change for another person you already maybe in trouble. Love is not a feeling or and emotion, love is a committment.

Msg. 70>>>Some people are just not as 'emotional' as others. They tend to be more analytical and choose a mate based more on the traits they gradually see develop than 'chemistry'. I think this is what is happening with most of the people who move slow in a relationship. They sit back and mentally produce a list of the positives and negatives and over time decide if that is the person they want to be with. Chemistry still has to be there, but the need for it is not nearly as strong as it is in others. Nothing wrong with this at all, it is just a different way of going about pursuing a relationship. So they move very slowly, processing all the information until they finally decide whether this is what they want or not.

msg. 63 >>> Going slow is the perfect example of missing chemistry. The person has to decide if they have feelings for the other individual. Are they humorous enough? Are they ambitious enough? Are they socially adept enough? There is no chemistry involved...
So, what is chemistry? IMO, it's that unconscious attraction. It's something that two people feel for each other. Not dissimilar to a first impression, if you will. It's not based on anything we know or consciously experience. It's just there.

...when it comes to the progression of a relationship the chemistry has to be there in the beginning. When the chemistry is present two people want to be together. They want to know everything about each other. Going slow is the last thing they want to do. They can't go fast enough!

What I have difficulty understanding is why people feel they can determine someones potential as a long term partner by doing things they won’t be doing once in a relationship. A friendship does not, in any way, determine a couple’s ability to live together. To know a person’s potential as a long term partner a couple have to spend time doing the things couples do every day and that involves spending time with each other in their respective homes.
It involves seeing the person Monday morning getting ready for work. Wednesday night coming home after a tough day. Saturday doing the grocery shopping and house cleaning. We all eat dinner. A couple can alternate homes during the week for dinners.

msg. 383>>>dreamer is that meant to be a slam? Why the rolly eye guy?

msg. 380 >>>Some of us don't look so good with long hair.

now when I tell a women I haven't had a relationship in three years she looks at me like "Hmm. I wonder what is wrong with him?"

So is 3 years to long?
I just wanted to learn how to be happy and content without feeling like I need someone in order to be happy and content.

msg 357 >>>a woman with long hair is more attractive to me then short hair. I mean C'mon ladies, it is the last thing that you have left that makes you look feminine. Today you dress like a man, work like a man, drive like a man, talk like a man, you work out and pump Iron like a man, etc. You no longer want to take care of the children in the day ( prefer to have them get their nurturing from the day care staff) and you would rather be working 9-5 then keeping a clean home and taking care of the kids and husband. You are totally denying everything that makes you female and motherly. Heck, I even read that a pill is now on the market that can stop you from having your period forever.

Somehow, since Feminism ( or as I like to call it Femi-Nazism) women now look down upon women who stay ay (sic) home nurturing the kids . So, no. Short hair to me is totally unattractive and besides , that is what every women does once she hits 40 and starts feeling old and tired.

my question is to any other long term single people. I am starting to wonder if ive been single for so long that i wouldnt know a good thing if it walked up and knocked my teeth out. Im starting to feel like (as i look back) that maybe im too quick to end something or never even let it start. I am wondering if this is a by-product of being single for too long and maybe becoming too bitter. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I thought the most functional word in the English language was fvck. Fvck can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb - you name it. Very handy, much more handy than shit.

msg 37 >>>best watch yourself... My squirtle has recently evolved into a Blastoise.

msg 19>>>Thanks Dreamer !! Saved me some strokes on the path to carpel tunnel!

The affection thing? I think maybe that is just a symptom of her current mood in general. Time will tell, unfortunately, you'll have to just wait this one out!

msg 1 >>>She was into all of this as much as I was a few weeks ago. My question to you ladies is: if your into someone, wouldn't you want to just date them? why the change of heart? why date other people? is this just a way to brush me off? what are your thoughts?

She's trying to establish some boundries. I suggest that you back off and give her some time. Practice limited contact, react to her actions, and really just give her some space. If she's into you, a little space isn't going to hurt.

msg/ #1.>>>Are you who you want to be?

Are you the type of person that you would like to attract?

If not, what would you change?

Not necessarily slow, but at a pace that both parties are happy with. There would be the knowledge from the very onset that we were both on the same page, no wondering "what if" or "what's next" because you would already know exactly what was coming next. I guess it would be a relationship that progressed/worked with no work. I've had than once in my life.

msg. 3 >>>And thanks to your post, it seems that THING is always MEN.
I am hereby revoking your mancard and don't for one second think you're ever getting it back.

msg 13. >>>"Normal" is a setting on a dryer....
Yes, life leaves scars. Smart people learn from past experiences, and don't allow them to control their futures...
Just because you stub your toe, or even break a foot, that doesn’t mean you should never walk again. Build a bridge, get over it, move on.

msg. 7. >>>It's not your scars that matter, or the adversities you've been through -- it's what you do with those experiences and who you are today, that counts.

msg. 151>>>lol; i agree; its like they are saying,"you seem normal; what defect in your personality or looks makes someone not want you?"
My first response when someone asks me? I ask them the same thing. They realize its a dumb question.

If I spent time monitoring my favorites for individuals who have actually contacted me or who I would like to contact it would be too time consuming. I choose to ignore the favorites. If one of them has something to say to me he will email. At that time I will decide my level of interest.

msg 19>>>Lot of women like the idea of being with the guy on stage, but don't much like all the other hard assed crap that often goes with being a musician.

That said, I'd love to meet a woman that feels and empathises to music like I do. There haven't been many.