How many profiles does a genuine POF member need, or should be allowed !!! chat & forums.

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Thread: How many profiles does a genuine POF member need, or should be allowed !!!

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

How many profiles does a genuine POF member need, or should be allowed !!! Posted: 10/4/2009 3:34:57 PM
I have no eyedear bout genuine POF members. S--t, 1 is enough to get me into trouble, eg a 'potential date' post ing a thread askingwhy I haven't read my mail

Bluepatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

What hobbies do we participate in that are rarely spoken about Posted: 9/23/2009 4:53:08 PM
Collecting "Your not my type" replies. Got a fantastic, and ever growing collection. Speaking on ever growing; the second hobby involves memory training - trying to remember to change hands at 99

Bluepatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

What's the worst or most inappropriate gift you ever received? Posted: 9/23/2009 4:48:39 PM
Beer from a mate for house warming [I don't drink booze full stop]. Oh well, guess he thought he might get thirsty later .

Bluepatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 139 (view)

Oral...is it a dealbreaker? Posted: 9/23/2009 4:45:11 PM
What is good for the goose is good for the gander - or lets all gobble as we meander

Bluepatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 90 (view)

FIRST DATE HORRORS??? Posted: 9/23/2009 4:25:19 PM
see thats always why i bring my emergency date kit along on all outings with the opposite sex 1 vial - holy water 1 stake - sharpened 1 bullet - silver 1 crucifix - jesus 1 book - RITUS EXORCIZANDI OBSESSOS A DÆMONIO salt - purified also, pepper spray, stun gun, duct tape, band-aids, you know, the usual. Hey, whose been peeking into my saddle bags

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 149 (view)

Whats the Issue With Men in Australia .. Posted: 8/24/2009 3:54:38 PM
GOLLY, apologies BlueButterfly for my rudeness [lack of reply]. I have no idea where 'Horizons' is. Thank you for the message, I have to rush off to work but will read it later. Thanks for the reminder to amend profile. I add my sincerest Best Wishes. I rarely access POF, and then just for a quick read of forums, and the rarer post [this will be my 5th or 6th post in 2 years]. Busy these days with full-time shift work, an 18 year old son in year 12, study, bike riding, dance classes twice weekly and practice. To 'dontneedone': Sorry to disappoint you, but there will be are wedding bells in the offing.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 388 (view)

One third of older women date younger men Posted: 8/24/2009 3:42:37 PM
Recently I asked my dance partner who kept calling me young man how old she thought I was. Reply: "50". Reality is she [58] is 129 days younger than I. Did honesty blow my chances with a younger [spunky] woman. Bugga, bum, poop

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 145 (view)

Whats the Issue With Men in Australia .. Posted: 8/6/2009 5:52:30 PM
They're all weirdos if you ask me. You been talking to my grand-daughters. As I said to them "Would you rather I was a grumpy old man" As a generalition, I guess most Aussie guys are less forthcoming that our American counterparts [with the exceptions that walk staight up to a woman and asks if she'd like to decorate his sheets]. That has it's good points and bad points. So often in Darwin the local women [of all ages] would stay home when a load of Yankee marines come to town because they got 'fed up' with the yanks forthcoming approach and do not seem to understand a 2-letter word - NO. Even a simple require like 'F... O..' left some with a dumb struck awe stricken "WTF' look of bewilderment.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

The Hormones / Menopause hurdle. Posted: 8/6/2009 5:40:57 PM
I won't attempt to add to the intelligent responses already posted , leaving that to those who understand it better. Asking questions like this is good if it helps you [and others] to understand all the dynamics of what happened, and perhaps you part [if/as applicable] so that you can understand yourself better. Hope you can then concentrate on getting yourself physically, mentally and emotionally healthier [not suggesting that you are 'unhealthy', just that we can all keep improving, so you are 'ready' to enjoy a wonderful relation with a woman. At our age it is likely to be a woman who is post menopausal. Hormones still play an interesting role, but that makes life un-dull.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 8 (view)

Does a Fully Coherent You, Have the Rite to chose How/When to Die ? Posted: 8/6/2009 5:23:20 PM
Firstly, not all people with tetraplegia [quadraplegia] require a PEG to feed; also many can read using a stand and a stick to turn pages. Hence this man's situation appears to be the most severe, or perhaps as often happens a PEG is require initially. However he will still require someone to 'feed' him by placing food into his mouth. Not enough information to know if his condition is new, or if he has been quadreplic for some time. I disagree with previous poster in diagnosing whether he has depression, we can not make such a decision without much more information, especially whithout a lot of person contact/interaction. Most people placed in dis-enabling situations feel some degree of depression initially, be it a simple fracture or more. So is it acute depression or chronic depression. Does depression alone define a person's 'sanity'? Is the use of a PEG not an artificial form of life preserving intervetion ? Is he not being forceable sustained against his will? Starvation is not an quick easy end. Lots of analgesia/narcotics with perhaps increasing strenghtens/amounts would be required to be effective to allow him to be pain free [or as close as possible]; and that in itself can then become a 'fine line' between maintaining pain-free life, and 'inducing' a life ending response. Morphine has side effects of the heart etc. Not my decision [thankfully]. I do not know for sure how I would be I in his situation unless I was placed there. The only thing I can be sure of is that if placed in a situation resulting in any form of dis=ability, I would feel depressed even if only in the initial stages of recovery.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 3 (view)

Do ALL guys have bum fluff?? Posted: 5/4/2009 8:32:49 PM
Dang, just can't twist my neck enough to view the mirror

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 9 (view)

Can I borrow $25 - long read but makes you think .... Posted: 9/5/2008 1:16:44 AM
Thanks Champrins. The shoe box reminds me of a little wood carving a daughter made years ago at school; she doesn't think it much. But to me her 'anerexic elephant' [what it looks like to me] is artisitic and precious. It will alwyas take pride of place on my mantle or in the display shelf in front of any trophies.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 10 (view)

Happy Fathers day to all the dads out there Posted: 9/5/2008 1:01:12 AM
fathers day is every day for me thou... every time they call me dad is reward enuf for me Well said Caves. Told my Mum a some years ago "I'd rather think of everyday as Mother's/Father's Day"

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

Happy Fathers day to all the dads out there Posted: 9/5/2008 12:51:49 AM
tell us what your children mean to you and how come this is such a special day for you They are part of me, and I ampart of them. It is just another day, though I admit I miss it if there has been no contact from any of my 'kids' on that day. When my Dad was alive I would always ring or visit depending on how far away I lived eg 20km or 3,000km. you will not see your children on this your special day, how do you cope with this? Been there had that. All the commercial hype accentuates the loneliness felt, at least unlike Xmas you can escape as it is not so much in your face with nearly everybody else carrying on 'whoppee'. This year I stuck with a 17yr who won't cook me breakfast in bed as I will start work at 6:45 am, and he'll be still Zzzzzzzzzzz [lucky bugga] I hope these guys who will not be with their 'kids' this Sunday have a good friend to spend time with. how would you feel, if a woman you are dating said happy fathers day to you, and she is not the mother of your child? It has happened and it was Fantastic. Showed she appreciate my values, and attempts at being the best parent I could be.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 32 (view)

This site isnt often referred to as Posted: 8/31/2008 6:03:47 PM
How about the 'Cess Pool' full of tadpoles. After all, didn't we evolve from tadpoles in a primeval ooze. And some just cannot restrain their primeval urge.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 23 (view)

Kindnesses...........turning twenty into a million, in one easy lesson. Posted: 7/31/2008 6:38:50 PM
WOW Mr Told. What a buzz That feeling must have stayed with you for days. Imagine the embarrasment initially turned to really gracious gratitude, the kindness accepted with humility. So much more valuable when a gift is given with no thought of receiving any thing in return, just the gift of being able to give.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 25 (view)

Are all these women/men really walking on the beach...., ? Posted: 7/31/2008 6:32:19 PM
Walking on the beach! Naw, too much sand grit and rash. Diving off jetties, surfing under jetties, sailing [avoiding jettties]. Or just doing a 'Norm' sitting at the beach as the sun sets over the ocean. Mind I got a great sunset at Uluru [Ayers Rock] viewing area looking away from the 'Rock'. Hell everyone else was looking at a humugous rock, why not be different and look away.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 90 (view)

Saying Thank You after sex Posted: 6/6/2008 12:08:14 AM
Could be he has appreciated your faked 'O' and saving his ego . Then again it could be as Cowboy said atpost # 2 trust. Or many things from many different people. Why not "I'm / Your Welcome." Or ask "Why the 'Thank You?" That could open communcation as to his thinking. Then again you could just leave it. EDIt: Just read Sailor's post # 68. Totally agree with that.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Your Thoughts on Q ride Posted: 6/6/2008 12:00:31 AM
I don't know how Q ride operates. I did the M.E.T.A.L. {Motor Cyclist Training Education & Licensing} in Darwin NT in '99 after not riding for 25 years. There is 3 courses that each start with a theory session on Friday night, Saturday at their training facility/track, Sunday (only if they deem the rider safe) a ride to Hidden Valley circuit and lots of laps with many tests incorporated, then a ride thru suburbia in small groups taking it in turns leading and being assessed by a very experienced trainer/rider: Course 1 for 'L' plates Course 2 for 'R' licence Course 3 for Advanced/Open licence Riding a Kacka Zephyr 750 around a race track that the V8s use was a huge buzz, and in itself worth doing the Advanced course ; but not the same as being on public roads. I am positive that doing the course has saved me much bitumen sliding and panel beating of car doors. Even a couple guys who had moved from interstate and ridden bikes for years said they had learnt good stuff from the course. As for the 250cc issue, it is a joke given the capabilities of some of the modern sports bikes that exceeds many inexperienced riders competence. If anyone on a 250cc, or in a Holden/Ford v6, wants to blow my Virago 1100cc off at traffic lights they are welcome. I prefer to stay upright and also avoid jaywalkers

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

hitch hiker Posted: 6/5/2008 11:41:20 PM
I have, and will again. Though I insisty on axe hiding bags go in the boot. Picked up a few inebriated hitch-hikers at 6am when driving taxi home after a 12/15 shift in Darwin. When asked with dismay why a taxi driver was giving a [free] ride: "'Cos I'm heading in the same direction, and you walked rather than steal from a driver by attempting to do a 'runner'." But not usually when I have others on my car, especially my 'kids'.

Bluepatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 37 (view)

Stalkers...making life easy for them. Posted: 1/31/2008 4:12:42 PM
Hey I have hypothetical for all you parents... a slight variation on my original question. Imagine your child posts on a public forum (like this one but for kids), and chats to friends etc, all perfectly harmless but is able to be read by the public. Would you be comfortable knowing that the kids had arranged any sort of meeting on that forum... Yes, with granddaughters aged 10 & 11 this concerns me greatly. But of course they know it all, what would mum or 'pop' know! I got a bit annoyed with my inbox being clogged with all the mass emailed garbage - send to 1o friends and magic will happen within 10 hours. Kept getting the same garbage resent from grandies little friends. When I emailed them asking to be deleted from any further mass mail-outs I get the reply "What school do you go to". wtf, I don't want chatty e-mails from kids; then again, was it a kid or a heamorroid seeking information.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 26 (view)

Stalkers...making life easy for them. Posted: 1/30/2008 6:22:32 PM
As well as the suggestions about thinking carefully on any details posted regarding work and where you live, there is also the issue of MSN and yahoo address. Many use a pseudo name for e-mail and messenger addy but use their real name when registering for MSN and Yahoo, not sure if MSN and yahoo have addressed this, but others could access the person's real surname as was registered.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 726 (view)

old men.......hopeful or hopeless!! :-) Posted: 1/30/2008 6:11:33 PM
I will say this for sure. Even the younger men (god love 'em)...when they catch an itsy bitsy widdle cold...are absolutely hopeless. Thanks Naamah - hopelessly pmsl

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 16 (view)

How to explain 3 year gap to future employers? Posted: 1/30/2008 6:05:22 PM
Had similar: One boss got told to shove his job for insisting on doing lying for him, next got the business into Liquidation. I used either co-employees who had been in a supervisory role - though not my supervisor; and principals at other companies who I had many and regular business dealings with through my emplyment at the ex-employees business.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 82 (view)

Why do women fell worthless after sex??? Posted: 1/30/2008 5:59:13 PM
{quote] How a man treats a woman, any woman, after sex that is a reflection on him, not the woman. Your feeling of self worth comes from inside, and you shouldn't allow others to negatively impact that. I think that says it, regardles of gender. As for what Graham said: yeah, but the prospect of sex/ intimacy is irrelevant to how you treat others [I am sure graham meant that too]

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 72 (view)

Why do women fell worthless after sex??? Posted: 1/29/2008 8:26:41 AM
Oh by the way, if you arent a mind reader then maybe its you who should discuss the intricacies of sex with your partner, should you decide to go that route again, (no pun intended ) And if ya forgot to get instructions, or got lost, she only has to remember that ears have multi purposes and make great err handle bars for steering.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 1760 (view)

Haiku Game Posted: 1/28/2008 9:57:26 AM
I dream of your heat! that warms the core of my spirit, raising my heart beat

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 1575 (view)

Haiku Game Posted: 1/24/2008 5:37:30 PM
to the knights too bold yet brought to knees acrumble by the maiden fair

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 1573 (view)

Haiku Game Posted: 1/24/2008 5:32:27 PM
Rescued from herself by my words of sincere joy she finds herself anew [ welcome home buddy..... catch you for a hot chocky at the bay when you settle in ] Thanks Salty, I might head straight for the Bay with my loaded steed for that hot chocky.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 1572 (view)

Haiku Game Posted: 1/24/2008 5:31:20 PM
oops, was I suppossed to use the last line: bosoms there to knead as my eyes are bleary and tired invoke memories old

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 1569 (view)

Haiku Game Posted: 1/24/2008 5:26:23 PM
The Bay will surely change as by the yuppies I roar on my trusty steed

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 5 (view)

Are we just a little too laid back or are we lazy Posted: 1/13/2008 6:03:06 PM
Hi Scottie, good to see ya chookie I guess it is like other sites: - most people do not use the forums/boards. - as mentioned above many just come here to chill out. - the 'regulars' often overtake a thread with their banter. - many 'strangers' feel 'intimidated' to jump in. - sarcasim and criticism and is rife at times to those that dissent or disagree with 'the mob'. Have a great day Scottie and others.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 101 (view)

t-shirts Posted: 10/22/2007 6:23:12 PM
If we are what we eat. I'm Fast ..cheap and easy.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 213 (view)

Rambling thoughts? [ a work in progress] Posted: 10/22/2007 6:21:59 PM
Oh what delights await from your tender kisses and soft hands upon my skin. Whispering senuously in my ear "I like you, I want you to hold me" Pulsating skin shivering so hot yet shivering like on an Arctic ice floe. Your essence devours me from within. As my heart is given to you to keep safe until I return and my soul awakens to your most gentlest of touch. I pledge my devotion with all that is mine to give to thee, lest my spirit wanders forever lost, is it safe within your clutch.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 336 (view)

One third of older women date younger men Posted: 10/22/2007 6:19:51 PM
What a wonderfully weird world. So many women my earthly age becry that men 'their age' seek younger women as they berate us ol farties as dead meat. Looks like I'll have to make do with the younger ones [but not he under 40s] that contact me. So sad

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 49 (view)

Who Are Your Heroes, and Why? Posted: 10/11/2007 6:08:11 AM
Dr Patch Adams - Laughter is truly the best medicine, with zero ill effects unless you have stitces from an appendectomy

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 76 (view)

Jokes hehehehehehe Posted: 10/1/2007 4:29:59 PM
What did the snail say when catching a ride on a turtles back? Weeeeeeeeee.............

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 39 (view)

A healthy sex life Posted: 9/23/2007 10:47:12 PM
I keep mine in a diary www.mysexualdiary.com.gotu Should that be " www.mysexualdiary.com.au " - bloody typos

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 38 (view)

What is your weakness with the opposite sex. Posted: 9/20/2007 6:59:32 AM
Is that your tears dripping down the cleavage edqdae

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 35 (view)

The worst lie you told your parents... Posted: 9/17/2007 4:18:57 PM
Got a Lambretta and kept it at a mate's place. Come home with 'gravel rash' one night "I tripped over some pipes". There were actually some pipes left a the footpath a few blocks away in an unlit area. Eventually got game to take it home. First hangover "Must be something I ATE last night". Not sure that was fully believed.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 185 (view)

Are intelligent guys a turn off? Posted: 9/17/2007 3:55:38 PM
There has a number of posts about Intelligent v sensible or boring. Consider Dr Howard Gardner 's proposal of Multiple Intelligences, " that there are eight different intelligences that deserve equal recognition. All of us have varying degrees of each intelligence. 1 - Linguistic Intelligence The ability to read, write, and communicate with words. Used to communicate what is already known or what new information is have learnt. 2 - Logical & Mathematical Intelligence The ability to look for patterns, reason, and think in a logical manner. It can also be associated with scientific thinking. 3 - Visual & Spatial Intelligence The ability to think in pictures and visualize outcomes. This should not be thought of only in visual terms because Gardner believes that blind children develop spatial intelligence. 4 - Musical Intelligence The ability to make and compose music, sing, and use rhythm to learn. 5 - Bodily & Kinesthetic Intelligence Encompassing the ability to use one's body movements to solve problems. Coordinating mental and physical activities. 6 - Interpersonal Intelligence Using their social skills and good communication skills with others. Also the ability to empathize and understand other people. 7 - Intrapersonal Intelligence The ability to reflect, analyze, and contemplate problems independently. A person may look upon himself or herself to assess one's own feelings and motivations. 8 - Naturalist Intelligence This intelligence is the newest addition to Gardner's theory of Multiple Intelligence (1996). This is the ability to make distinctions in the natural world and the environment. ========================== Now if only someone will lend me their 'intelligent' I can then find an answer to the question posed in #1.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 158 (view)

DV ... one solution Posted: 9/17/2007 3:40:38 PM
No sweat Sake. As for child abuse, that is directly related to this topic in that they do not need to be directly abused to be severely affected. A person who works in this area told me that the children are far too often forgotten due mainly to a lack of funds and personnel to help them. Children only have to witness the abuse eg hearing the commotion from another room and seeing the bruises etc to be affected. Imagine giving a 1-2 year old a hug and getting a whack as a response; it takes one hell of a lot of love and patience to undo that mental, emotional, spiritual and psychological damage.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 74 (view)

Why dont women go for guys in Wheelchairs? Posted: 9/17/2007 3:30:53 PM
reading this thread reminds me of a video/dvd I watched last week of a 27 yr old guy from Melbourne, Australia who sailed single-handed non-stop around the world setting a record with screws and plates in his back [broken spine]. He cpuld not use his chariot [wheelchair] on the yacht and had to haul himself up the mast while sailing the Atlantic ocean to repair a broken stay with only the use of his hands. Danged if I could do that, and I have 2 legs. Last Friday I picked my bike up from the bike repair shop. The owner uses a wheelchair due to an accident many years ago during a moto cross race, operating his own sucessful business; and had worked on my bike. We had a brief discussion on his customized chariot, the different set up of his chariot was of interest to me as I work in Rehab. No big deal to him as the discussion was not about his 'dis-Ability' but the adaptation of equipment to suit his purpose. To suggest that no women cannot see beyond the wheel chair is naive, or thinking that all see things as oneself. Just as some cannot see beyond grey hair. As someone said "People are people" P>S> Good Luck with the paraLympics Wheels27

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 141 (view)

DV ... one solution Posted: 9/13/2007 1:57:01 PM
Physically abusive mothers <--- I googled exactly that and got plenty, though I agree there needs to be more to highlight this too, as this also results in DV. Perhaps a seperate topic? # 102 Atalia What doesnt kill us makes us stronger Hmm, after a daughter received 2 black eyes, bruised face etc in front of their 2 1/2 and 1 1/2 year olds, she got police to help her move safely. I was 4,000 km away, when I was there I saw him on the street. She said leave him, not worth the trouble (potential assault charges). She also said he gave her good 2 things: 2 beautiful kids, and made her strong. # Sake I think it's because men are inherently evil and really just can't help being aresholes. Have been since the stone age really. wtf Seriously have you been sake.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 140 (view)

DV ... one solution Posted: 9/13/2007 1:55:14 PM
I apologize in advance for any digression from the topic of "one solution" , C&P, and another War & Pisse. # 80 ^^^Cut and paste...lazy. This stuff is all over the internet and it's all written from biased perspective. For example, try finding something on physically abusive mothers. Nothing. But we all know it happens. It just doesn't suit anyone's agenda to publish anything on it. Not lazy, I C&Ped from 2 sources and was too busy to paraphrase due to work, study and spending a little time with daughter who is in town a couple days. That are my priorities. Physically abusive mothers {.:/;;;,.i~~`"i`"'i',i`'i~~";;;;\-.}-\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\| \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|;{;;;{.'. . . . . , . , . . . . .}'';;;-}"\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\| \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|,{-{ .' . `. . . . . . . . . . . '};"}'\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\| \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|{,:, . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,} }'\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\| \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|-{. . , . `'`'`'`'`'`' . . . . ;''\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\| \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|"-, . . . . Q . Q . . . .';}"\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|@\|\|\|\| \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|'{:`. . _.----.__ . .-}:\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\I\|\|\| \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|=!.'`{.{ ' (llllll). } .}.."\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|I/\|\|\|\|\| \|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|.-"""-. .`{{.`''''' . .}}',-`""''-\|\|\|\|\|I\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\| _______.{ .' .' .' };_`.__=__.'_:{ .' .' .' }:________ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,`~,.,~',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,`~,.,~',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 80 (view)

DV ...One Solution Posted: 9/12/2007 2:52:13 PM
To partly answer Brizguy I have C&P an article. Firstly I will relate some points made from a friend who eventually got away: - his subtle, and not so subtle pschycological abuse "You can't do that, you are too dumb", gradually eroded her self esteem. - lack of transport in a rural area, no public transport, he drove the only car. - lack of money, references, social isolation, therefore could not get accomodation for self and children. - Govt agency (female employee) told her "why don't you get away" but offered no assistance eg financial, not eligible for PPS until physically separated; no reference or information on a Women's shelter. - intimidation and threats to do harm. - no real friends, or family in same state. Not so easy is it when one has kids, no where to go, no money, no transport, battered self esteem etc etc. Unfortunately many people in a position to assist, including women, are "confused as to why a lot of these people don't just leave". It is not 'rocket science', it is very simple basic pshycology; requiring only the ability to discard ego and get some true empathy (try to put yourself into their shoes - i.e. into the same situation). ====================================================== physical VIOLENCE sexual POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL POWER AND CONTROL COERCION AND THREATS: Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her. Threatening to leave her, commit suicide, or report her to welfare. Making her drop charges. Making her do illegal things. INTIMIDATION: Making her afraid by using looks, actions, and gestures. Smashing things. Destroying her property. Abusing pets. Displaying weapons. MALE PRIVILEGE: Treating her like a servant: making all the big decisions, acting like the “master of the castle,” being the one to define men’s and women’s roles. ECONOMIC ABUSE: Preventing her from getting or keeping a job. Making her ask for money. Giving her an allowance. Taking her money. Not letting her know about or have access to family income. USING CHILDREN: Making her feel guilty about the children. Using the children to relay messages. Using visitation to harass her. Threatening to take the children away. MINIMIZING, DENYING, AND BLAMING: Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously. Saying the abuse didn’t happen. Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior. Saying she caused it. ISOLATION: Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, and where she goes. Limiting her outside involvement. Using jealousy to justify actions. EMOTIONAL ABUSE: Putting her down. Making her feel bad about herself. Calling her names. Making her think she’s crazy. Playing mind games. Humiliating her. Making her feel guilty. Produced and distributed by: physical VIOLENCE sexual Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the batterer, when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, make up a larger system of abuse. Although physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally, they instill threat of future violent attacks and allow the abuser to take control of the woman’s life and circumstances. The Power & Control diagram is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by a batterer to establish and maintain control over his partner. Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship. Developed by:Domestic Abuse Intervention Project 202 East Superior Street ================================================ Questions of power and control are integral to the widely accepted Duluth Domestic Abuse Intervention Project. They developed "Power and Control Wheel" to illustrate this: it has power and control at the center, surrounded by spokes (techniques used), the titles of which include: Coercion and threats Intimidation Emotional abuse Isolation Minimizing, denying and blaming Using children Economic abuse Male privilege The model attempts to address abuse by one-sidedly challenging the misuse of power by the 'perpetrator'. Critics of this model suggest that the one-sided focus is problematic as resolution can only be achieved when all participants acknowledge their responsibilities, and identify and respect mutual purpose [1]. The power wheel model is not intended to assign personal responsibility, enhance respect for mutual purpose or assist victims and perpetrators in resolving their differences. It is an informational tool designed to help individuals understand the dynamics of power operating in abusive situations and identify various methods of abuse. [edit] Social stress Stress may be increased when a person is living in a family situation, with increased pressures. Social stresses, due to inadequate finances or other such problems in a family may further increase tensions. Violence is not always caused by stress, but may be one way that some (but not all) people respond to stress.[26][27] [edit] Dependency Women are most dependent on the spouse for economic well being. Having children to take care of, should she leave the marriage, increases the financial burden and makes it all the more difficult for women to leave. Dependency means that women have fewer options and few resources to help them cope with or change their spouse's behavior.[28] [edit] Sex and gender Modes of abuse are thought by some to be gendered, females tending to use more psychological and men more physical forms. [citation needed] The visibility of these differs markedly. However, experts who work with victims of domestic violence have noted that physical abuse is almost invariably preceded by psychological abuse. Police and hospital admission records indicate that a higher percentage of females than males seek treatment and report such crimes. Unless or until more men identify themselves and go on record as having been abused by female partners, and in a manner whereby the nature and extent of their injuries can be clinically assessed, men will continue to be identified as the most frequent perpetrators of physical and emotional violence. See also the section "Gender Differences" in this article, and some of the statistics in the subsection "U.S." in the "Statistics" section. [edit] The cycle of violence Main articles: Cycle of violence and cycle of abuse Frequently, domestic violence is used to describe specific violent and overtly abusive incidents, and legal definitions will tend to take this perspective. However, when violent and abusive behaviours happen within a relationship, the effects of those behaviours continue after these overt incidents are over. Advocates and counsellors will refer to domestic violence as a pattern of behaviours, including those listed above. Lenore Walker presented the model of a Cycle of Violence which consists of three basic phases: Honeymoon Phase Characterized by affection, apology, and apparent end of violence. Tension Building Phase Characterized by poor communication, tension, fear of causing outbursts, Acting-out Phase Characterized by outbursts of violent, abusive incidents. Although it is easy to see the outbursts of the Acting-out Phase as abuse, even the more pleasant behaviours of the Honeymoon Phase serve to perpetuate the abuse. See also the cycle of abuse article. Many domestic violence advocates believe that the cycle of violence is somewhat outdated and that it does not reflect the realities of many men and women experiencing domestic violence. Duluth, MN 55802 218.722.4134

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 61 (view)

DV ...Compulsory reporting Posted: 9/7/2007 9:24:55 PM
The N.T. government has been considering laws that make it compulsory to report any incidence of DV, similar to the legal requirement for any person to report "Maltreatment" of children. Many professionals who are at the front line feel that while this sounds like a good idea in theory it will be counterproductive with people not seeking help from health professionals [doctors/nurses] for fear of 1) provoking further violence, 2) losing family members, and 3) ostracation within communities. The president of the AMA NT has reservations that nurses at remote communities, without the support of a single police person, or none, will be at risk of additional violence. Two female counsellors / social workers who are very involved with DV [eg head of a women's refuge] sadly also feel that this compulsory reporting will reduce the numbers who seek these services. Any thoughts on Mandatory reporting of DV ?

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Your medical records Posted: 8/31/2007 2:39:01 AM
It does not matter if they were stolen, bought (stolen) or found in a bin; they are Confidential records. Anything that destroys peoples confidence in the confidentality of their private information will make it more difficult to get full disclosure of vital information. e.g. non-disclosure of the use of cannabis can have serious effects on other medication, be it prescription, herbal/natural.

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 27 (view)

Sex and Alcohol Posted: 8/30/2007 4:40:37 PM
Do you think alcohol plays a part in sex with your partner? Definitely not. But do ya need a partner to answer this ? ] Do you see them as more desirable when drunk? No, less desirable. Do they see you as more desirable when drunk? Probably Does alcohol enhance sexual behaviour? (ie is it better sex for you?) Or does it make for sloppy unfulfilling sex? (a major disappointment) How about when she's drunk and you're sober? No thanks. Do you prefer rolling drunk or just a little happy type drunk? Just a little happy sober rolling will do Does the kind of alcohol you are drinking make a difference? Yep, 6 muggacinos go a long way

BluePatch

Joined: 3/4/2006

Msg: 29 (view)

Howard and the Nuclear Dump Issue Posted: 8/30/2007 4:29:13 PM
Pardon while I digress back to the Nuclear Dump Issue. It might explain a couple things; a) why after 100 years of empty promises by Liberal and Labour the Adelaide - Darwin railway was finally built, and b) an ulterior motive for the present intervention in 'child abuse' which has been known about for many, many years.

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